A/N: So on a minor note, I decided to stop paying as close attention to word count per chapter as I had been. Nothing says my chapters have to be uniformly sized. I can have them be as long or as short as is needed for what's happening. I shouldn't cram too much into a chapter that makes it feel disconnected with itself anymore than I should put so little in it that it feels useless. Also, I don't want single chapters to drag on for too long, so there will be a limit on how long I will allow them to be unless it otherwise feels like it needs to be longer. Like, I should've put that scene from the start of last chapter at the end of the chapter previous instead being worried about the chapter being too long when it wasn't a whole lot more. Also, gone are the days where I think each chapter must be a different day from the last or where everything that happens in one day must be contained within one chapter. That was a silly personal rule I had and I don't really know where it started or why. In the past, in my early works, that made my chapters terribly short and with not much happening in each day, while so many things can happen in one day it's kinda dizzying. My chapters were shorter back then, sure, but there's so much potential in not having that rule that it'd be silly of me to keep it anymore. Especially since this chapter starts technically in the same day as the last one started in the second scene on. Even though more days have passed for our poor time travelers.

There's so much more potential for my writing without setting silly rules for myself. I have learned this. And I will make use of this new freedom as needed.

On another note...this chapter was originally going to be something entirely different. Then I realized that things that happened in the last chapter *needed* to be dealt with onscreen, not off screen. It would feel too choppy to leave it off where it was with nothing onscreen about how it affected Shade' to see what she did and what she would do with the information. I couldn't see anyone, least of all myself, satisfied with an offscreen discussion happening. It also gave me a perfect opportunity to explore the bots a bit more onscreen about how their relationships are by showing them start taking more of a present role for Shadebreaker, for her to just let down her guard a little and start seeing that maybe she can let it down. Maybe speaking up about her opinions and viewpoints and what she'd like to do with permission isn't just putting her whole position with the Autobots at risk. That they'll listen and they'll be there for her when she needs help as much as her trinemates are there for her. And we get to see a peak more at the Ironhide behind the military mech. The soft teddy bear my friends and I like to call him. And the softer side of Ratchet as well, even if he isn't snuggly. ;P

With that being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope it's ok that I took a break from the fighting action to deal with these things. And I hope you look forward to the next chapter! I already have a chunk of it written, it just needs editing and finishing up. :D

Chapter 14: Discussion

"Omf," I grunted as I landed on top of my siblings after I sorted out how to get us home.

"Looks like we found our missin' trine," Jazz's voice reached my audios.

"The portal that dropped them is the same energy we detected," Ratchet's voice was next.

"Considering the source is the same, I'm not surprised," I said, tone sounding irritated to my own audios as I placed a hand on my helm.

"It's great to be back and all, but can you two get off?" Shadowstreaker asked.

"Aw, can't handle an unplanned cuddle puddle?" Stormbreaker asked as I rolled off my trinemates.

"Graceful," Shadowstreaker commented when I thudded on the floor.

"I'm a little disoriented, I didn't trust just standing up," I said as Jazz helped Stormbreaker off our brother.

Ratchet came over as Prowl assisted me to my pedes and ran a scan over me. "Your balancing system is a bit off," he said as Prowl helped me stay steady. "And..this is strange...the energy from the portal is practically emanating from you."

"Makes sense," I said, tone dry. "Considering the portal originated from a system I apparently have that decided to activate and drop us centuries in the past."

"What?" Ratchet and Prowl both asked as I got my balance back.

"It's a bit of a story," I said. "My systems gave me a notification of a Time-Space Portal system activating and then opened a portal of its own accord and we ended up in the past, just before the war started. We actually got to watch the meeting where Optimus became Prime."

"That's ridiculous," Ratchet said, disbelievingly. "No one can travel through time and space unassisted. Do you believe this, Optimus?" He turned to the Autobot leader, who had remained silently watching as my trine got picked up off the floor.

I looked to the Autobot leader, remembering how he had made optic contact with my visor after Megatron and his followers had left. He looked at me for a moment and then took another look at Shadowstreaker and Stormbreaker as they waited for him to say something. He turned back to Ratchet, expression revealing nothing.

"I believe, Ratchet," Optimus started. "That she's telling the truth. I remember that day well and I do recall seeing our seekers in the gallery. I had wondered if they were the same fliers I had seen that day for some time. It seems I have my answer."

Ratchet sputtered a bit.

"I mean, isn't the ground bridge made with space-time technology?" I asked.

"Yes, but it can't actually travel through time and it's rather large to be found in a bot of average size," Ratchet said, sounding like his mind was blown. "And how do you have this ability? The only one who's ever even been rumored to have it is Vector Prime!"

"The Guardian of Time and Space?" Jazz asked. "Ah thought he was jus' a myth."

"He is!" Ratchet said, throwing his hands up.

"Wasn't the head archivist Alpha Trion, though?" Shadowstreaker asked.

"Named after the so-called member of the Thirteen, I'm sure," Ratchet dismissed.

Shadowstreaker, Stormbreaker and I shared a look and then looked at Optimus, but the mech wasn't giving anything away. We were all fairly certain Optimus's old mentor really was the aforementioned member of the Thirteen, but it seemed this was not common knowledge.

"Whatever the case may be, we can be thankful our fliers found their way home safely," Optimus said.

"This presents a bit of a security issue," Prowl brought up. "If anyone can open a portal up in our base, it is a vulnerability. If the Decepticons learn of this vulnerability, we are in trouble."

My wings twitched in alarm. "Do they have portal wielding bots?"

"Not that we know of," Ratchet assured me. "But if your….portals can open up in here as both a departure point and an arrival point, it stands to reason that ground bridges besides our own may also be able to be opened."

"Well shit," Stormbreaker said. "I thought we had measures against that."

"As did we," Prowl said. "I must speak to Agent Fowler about this."

Optimus nodded. "Very well, Prowl," he said. "See to it. In the meantime, I will debrief our fliers about their trip."

"You'll have to do it over energon, or perhaps later," Ratchet said, moving to scan my trinemates. "All three of you are low on energy. Like you haven't consumed your energon for days and it looks like you haven't recharged either." He gave us each a suspicious look through narrowed optics.

"We haven't," Shadowstreaker said. "We spent approximately three days in the past and we kept interactions to a minimum. We also didn't exactly have any currency with which to purchase a meal."

"A meal was the last thing on my mind, honestly," I said dryly. "There were other things I was concerned about, like getting home before we caused some kind of big, irreversible change that might have made things go worse than they did."

"Our planet died," Ratchet said. "Not sure how much worse it could've gone."

I shifted my wing, thinking of a number of ways things could've gone worse. My wings lowered unintentionally and I knew if I didn't still have my visor on that my optics would betray a haunted look. I hadn't slept much at all during the trip, cause I was too fretful about how things could go wrong and I had been really affected by seeing Megatron coerce Starscream into his fold. I had a vivid imagination, and I had gone over so many scenarios in my helm of how things could've gone, it was distressing to think about.

"You made the right choice in not causing any changes," Optimus assured us, shooting Ratchet a look. "It is unpredictable what consequences we would've faced had you changed anything."

My trinemates and I all nodded in agreement.

"That was our thought," Shadowstreaker said. "Hence why we agreed not to change even the smallest thing. We didn't step on any butterflies."

Stormbreaker giggled and I smiled just a little bit.

"Come, let us get you three some energon and some rest and then you can tell me about your trip through time," Optimus said.

Optimus let us eat and get some rest before telling him about it, rather than having us debriefed at the same time we ate. I appreciated the time to just sit and collect my thoughts, giving myself just a bit of a break. My trinemates seemed equally tired and I wondered if they had slept at all during our stay in the past. After consuming some energon, I went straight to my quarters for some much needed recharge.

My recharge wasn't peaceful. I dreamed of things going differently for my trinemates and I when we got her—we got found by Megatron instead and he deployed the same tactic on me to get me to work for him as he had on Starscream. Nothing else about the dream was any clear, it all blurred together in a terrifying mess of pain and fear. There were flashes of Megatron, of Starscream, of my trinemates suffering, of his brothers suffering.

"Shade!" Stormbreaker's voice broke into my thoughts and I jolted awake, sitting straight up in my bed, systems gusting air heavily.

I turned my wide optics to see Stormbreaker next to my bed, hand pulled back like she had shaken me awake despite the fact I hadn't noticed any physical touch. My wings twitched, as I calmed down, seeing the familiar scenery of my room past her.

"What...?" I asked, though the proper words for my question weren't coming to mind, much less making it out of my mouth. I blinked, reaching for my visor that I had just taken off rather than simply undeploying before dropping into recharge. I had been too tired.

"We sensed a disturbance in the Force," Stormbreaker said, tone half-humor, half-concerned as I put my visor back on and didn't disengage it. "Bad dream?"

"Yeah," I said, just now realizing Shadowstreaker was standing in the doorway. "What about you guys? You sleep ok?"

"We both slept fine," Shadowstreaker replied. "Are you alright to give our report to Optimus? Or do you need to find something to wind down first?"

What I wanted to do was either go on a flight and just keep flying until I was utterly exhausted and could fall into a dreamless sleep that I had no idea how I wasn't tired enough for this time or find someone willing to cuddle all day and do just that. But I had not allowed myself yet close enough to any of the bots to know whether or not any of them would be down for some platonic cuddling. Besides, most everyone was probably busy, even if they would be ok with that.

"I think," I said hesitantly. "I need a group hug and then we can go give a report to Optimus."

"Very well," Shadowstreaker said.

I got up as he approached and Stormbreaker wrapped me in her arms tightly. Shadowstreaker wrapped his arms around the both of us and I wrapped mine around both of them as much as I could. I sighed slightly as I held onto them tightly. It had been a while since we had last group hugged. Since we had first arrived here. Before that, it had been a few years, at least three, when I had lost an old friend. Even just hugs weren't super common between us. They just weren't huggers and I didn't push them for hugs anymore, even though I wanted them much more often than I admitted and the times we did hug just never seemed to last long enough for me. This one was held for longer than I expected and I felt a little more put together than I was after the last group hug we had had. Hugs were healing, of that I was certain. Not foolproof, not a cure all, but healing at least.

"Thank you," I said as my systems finally evened out and I was able to find my calm again. "I really needed that."

"I know sis," Shadowstreaker said, giving my shoulder a small pat.

I smiled gratefully at the effort. My trinemates weren't really touch-oriented bots, but I was. Most of the time, I accommodated them, but when I really needed it, they pulled through. At least, when they were aware I needed it. I hadn't been as open about the fact I needed more hugs and such for a long time, even with them.

"Come on, let's go," Stormbreaker said cheerfully, putting her arm about my shoulder and leading me out of my room.

"Mrrrwww!" Topaz's greeting meow as she entered our quarters had me shifting away from Stormbreaker.

"One sec," I said and moved over to check her bowl. I filled it with energon from her designated cube and gave her a few pets, wondering where she had been when I had gotten back. She basically had free roam of the top level of the base, so it was impossible to know where she was at any given time unless she was with you. I wasn't about to confine her to one little room. She purred as I pet her and then I left her to her energon, closing my door behind us, but not locking it.

"You know," Shadowstreaker said, checking the hallway to see if we were alone. "With Springer around, it's probably not a great idea to leave your door unlocked."

"I lock it when I'm asleep," I said, slightly defensive.

"You didn't have it locked," Stormbreaker said. "I know you gave us the code in case of emergency, but we didn't need it."

"Oh," I said. "I must've forgotten cause of how tired I was….Usually I don't dream when I'm that tired." My tone turned slightly troubled. Would my old tactic of wearing myself out completely not work anymore to break nightmare chains? If not, what was I going to do?

Shadowstreaker and Stormbreaker shared a look over my helm that I caught in my peripheral vision.

"Try not to forget again, sis," Stormbreaker said. "We know he's out to get you and we don't need to find out what he might do if he gets into your quarters while you're asleep in there."

"I'll not forget again," I said, tone apologetic for causing them worry.

"Ok," Stormbreaker said in a tone that implied she'd check if I gave her reason to doubt.

"On that note," Shadowstreaker said. "You should talk to Ratchet if you have any more nightmares. Wearing yourself out completely is unhealthy and if you think it won't work anyways, you'd be needlessly damaging your sleep cycle."

"I'll talk to him if it becomes a problem," I said quietly. "It's the first one I've had for a while now. I had a couple when we first got here, but I hadn't had any for the months since. It may be a one offer, due to the stress our trip caused me."

"Considering what you saw, I'm not surprised," Stormbreaker said.

I gave her a perplexed look.

"You may not have told us details, but what little you said on the matter and the emotions whirling in your spark right after are enough for me to know it was bad," Stormbreaker said. "And to know that you probably want to help whoever it was if it's still possible."

"You may not be happy when you find out who it is," I said, tone cautious and wings shifting. I lowered my helm as we walked. "I suspect the others will be even less happy. But...I believe helping them is the right thing to do."

"Wait, wait," Shadowstreaker said, stopping us in our trek through the hallways. We were just passing his workshop and he pulled us into it to talk privately. "If you do not believe anyone will be happy, you should tell us now and explain. That way, we can back you up properly. We still have time for you to give us the rundown."

"You do not know who it is, but you already say you'll back me up?" I asked curiously.

"Pfft," Stormbreaker laughed. "It's not like it's Shockwave or Scalpel. How bad could it be?"

"It was Starscream," I said bluntly, watching my trinemates from behind my visor.

Stormbreaker's wings betrayed her surprise and she frowned as Shadowstreaker narrowed his optics.

"Really? Starscream?" Stormbreaker asked, sounding incredulous. "That sleemo?"

"Things are clearly different for him...he is different in this reality than the ones we know his backstory in," I said. "Heck, it's possible we may have called Cliffjumper's killer wrong, in which case we may have given Arcee the wrong mech to be mad at." I shifted a wing, looking to the side thoughtfully, a little fretful of the consequences of that reveal. Why had we told her? There hadn't been any reason and now I was questioning if it had even been correct.

"We can't say that for certain yet," Shadowstreaker said, shaking his helm. "But you are right that his backstory is clearly different based on what you saw. He's been a willing Decepticon in all the continuities we watched tv series on."

"What exactly did you see?" Stormbreaker asked curiously.

I told them about the scene I had watched of Starscream and his brothers. How they seemed so much….chiller than what we had seen from the Seekers in tv shows and games. How they had interacted together. And then how Megatron had broken into their home and lugged Starscream's brothers away to some unknown location kept by Shockwave. How he kept Starscream under his thumb by keeping his brothers in constant threat of torture and death. How none of the brothers had seemed like they liked Megatron and his methods at all. How Starscream had raged at Megatron and himself for what happened. How much it had seemed to break him instantly that his brothers were at risk because he wasn't strong enough to protect them.

"Well shit," Stormbreaker. "No wonder you were so distraught."

"You feel an immense amount of empathy for them," Shadowstreaker said, looking at me. "Perhaps because you could see yourself folding just like Starscream if it had been us carted away."

I nodded, relieved to know they understood how I was. "I believe we've talked about before, when discussing story ideas, that if you two were kept under threat like that, I'd end up fighting for the bad guys until I found a way to save you." I spoke quietly, shifting slightly on my pedes as flashes of my nightmare and the vivid images my mind had conquered both asleep and awake flew through my mind. "But I also wouldn't have given up, no matter how long it took….I'm hoping Starscream hasn't given up either."

"Wasn't there that time you ran into him while separated from us during a skirmish?" Stormbreaker asked, looking like she was thinking a mile a minute.

"Where he reacted to me calling him the Dorito of Doom by leaving without firing a shot? Yeah," I said, looking at Stormbreaker. "I believe now that he remembered the note I left him."

"You left him a note? After we agreed not to affect anything?" Shadowstreaker asked, giving me a displeased look.

"Nothing seems to have changed, Shadow'," I pointed out. "I left it only after realizing that it must've existed in the timeline when Starscream reacted that day. You really think that without that note he would've just left at such an insult? Even if he wouldn't understand it?"

Shadowstreaker sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I suppose it's not much different from Optimus seeing us at the meeting," he said. "Was anything else done?"

"I gave Elita relationship advice," Stormbreaker said, looking unashamed as our brother sighed tolerantly. "I don't think it's fair to get upset with Shade' about a note. What'd you say in it?"

"Just that I knew what happened and to seek me out in the future if he wants out from under Megatron's rule," I replied. "I told him it'd be a long time, not to give up hope and that he'd know it was me, because I'd call him the Dorito of Doom in an encounter where no one else would hear it. I also told him not to approach me immediately, to wait a certain amount of time before finding a way to talk to me that wouldn't arouse suspicion. If he still wanted out from Megatron at that time, I would find a way to help him, but he must talk to me first about it."

"What's the timeframe you gave him? And did you offer a plan?" Shadowstreaker asked.

"He'll know better than me how not to raise suspicion, so I didn't give him a plan," I replied. "Not to mention, that plan could've gotten compromised after so much time if I had. And I gave him an approximate amount of time between the encounter he could identify me in and when I would be willing to hear him out."

"So, what? How do you plan to talk to him?" Stormbreaker asked. "Go off base recklessly alone?"

"Nonsense," I said. "I'm pretty sure that might backfire if I'm caught by 'Cons not involved with however Starscream plans to maneuver the circumstances into allowing us this conversation. I'm leaving it up to him. After all, he has to approach me for help before I can help him. If he's decided he likes working under Megatron after all, if he's been too far corrupted and doesn't want my help, there's not much I can do. Even if so, I'd like to find out the situation for his brothers. I doubt they're ok with the situation, especially if Starscream did get corrupted."

"It's hard to believe the Decepticon second-in-command is a 'Con unwillingly," Shadowstreaker commented.

"Keep your enemies close, they say," I replied. "Remember, in other realities he is kept as second-in-command so Megatron can keep an optic on his treachery. Clearly in this one, he is kept so Megatron can keep him on a leash. I highly, highly doubt Starscream has any actual power over what is happening. After all, one wrong move and Megatron will order the torture or death of his brothers. He can't very well actually make any real decisions if he doesn't actually want to be doing what he's been doing."

"But why keep Starscream forcibly under his command in a pseudo-leadership role?" Stormbreaker asked.

"To control the Seekers," Shadowstreaker said, clearly thinking logically. "Starscream was Air Commander of the Seekers of Vos. The Seekers would've joined whoever he told them to. Or perhaps, just him following Megatron was enough for the Seekers to do so without being told."

"That would imply the Seekers have, or had at least, some loyalty to Starscream," I said, shifting on my pedes. "Perhaps if we bring him over to the Autobots, maybe more Seekers will follow. Maybe."

"That would be the optimistic scenario," Stormbreaker said carefully. "But even if Starscream does leave the 'Cons, it doesn't mean all the Seekers will follow. Who knows how many even still respect him? And if they didn't want to follow Megatron themselves, wouldn't they have left by now? Just cause we bring 'Screamer over, doesn't mean others will follow."

"Even if they don't," I said, crossing my arms. "Everyone deserves a chance to be better. I got that chance when I was still a kid, long before we met. Why not him? I'm not saying we welcome him with open arms or trust him right away. Just to give him the chance to become trusted, to become better than what he's been forced to be for these centuries. Worse people have changed. It is not for us to decide he shouldn't get that chance in an environment where he can make the choice for himself."

Stormbreaker smiled, shaking her helm. "It's not us you gotta convince, sis," she told me. "As Shadow' said, we'll back you up. It's the bots you gotta convince it's the right thing to do."

"I suspect Optimus will be all for converting a Decepticon to the light side," Shadowstreaker commented. "I'm pretty sure if we could convince Megatron to change his mind, Optimus would be happier that way than killing him."

"My hopes on Megatron are a lot slimmer than they are on Starscream," I said dryly. I sighed. "But you are right. I wish I could see a way to end this entire war without killing Optimus's old friend, but I don't. My intuition doesn't give me any hope on him."

"Neither does mine," Shadowstreaker agreed.

"Yeah, same," Stormbreaker said, a bit of regret in her voice. "I know it'd make Boss Bot happy, but…"

"We should go," I said, turning suddenly to the door. "Or we're gonna be late." And we were gonna make ourselves depressed with our lack of belief of ever finding a peaceful solution to this war.

We ran into Arcee almost immediately upon leaving the workshop and she looked a little surprised to see us. I shifted a wing awkwardly, wondering if she was disappointed we hadn't come to find her upon our return, but we had all been too tired to seek out anyone.

"Optimus was looking for you, your comms were off," Arcee told us, looking us all over as if to check for injury.

"Huh," we all said at once as I checked my comm.

"Ah, it disconnected from our systems," I said. "Weird. It functioned for us during our jaunt in the past. We'll have to have Ratchet reconnect them."

"That is weird," Stormbreaker agreed with a frown.

"Something must've been jarred on our return trip," Shadowstreaker said. "It wasn't exactly graceful."

"Uh, what?" Arcee asked, raising an optic ridge. "I'm missing something here. Nevermind, I guess I'll learn about it in the meeting. Come on." She waved for us to follow her.

"Meeting? I thought we were just giving a report about our trip to Optimus," I said, frowning in confusion.

"Optimus asked a few of the officers to be present for the debriefing," Arcee said, glancing at me. "He seemed to think there's something heavier about it than a simple observation of the meeting. I suspect some insight from the Matrix about something one of you, or all of you, saw."

"Dang," Stormbreaker said. "No hiding anything from Optimus, huh? Is he, like, all knowing?" It was a silly question, I knew, as we all knew he wasn't.

"It can seem that way," Arcee chuckled at her. "I take it there is something heavy you want to discuss."

"I've seen some shit," I said dryly.

Arcee stared at me for a moment, surprise in her optics. "Must've been bad for you to drop a curse."

"I've been living in close quarters with Storm' too long as well," I said, giving my sister a blank look.

Stormbreaker giggled. "I've corrupted her!"

"Not completely," Shadowstreaker chuckled. "Considering she still doesn't curse often and doesn't drop innuendos at every turn when she is comfortable with bots."

"No, but I did ruin scratch bonbites for a coworker once with his own saggy butt cheeks comment," I said, smirking.

Stormbreaker laughed. "I remember you telling me about that. It's great."

"I'm not sure I want to know," Arcee said dryly.

"Neither am I," Shadowstreaker said, optics sparkling a little bit.

Stormbreaker giggled as I chuckled.

We kept the conversation lighter as we made our way down to the underground portion of the base. We went to the war room, where Optimus and the officers seemed to already be gathered. Optimus sat at the end of the table with Prowl sitting at his right and Ironhide on his left. Jazz and Ratchet were also present, sitting beside Prowl and Ironhide respectively. Arcee was the last officer to arrive, with us being the only other participants in the meeting. We had seen Wheeljack on monitor duty on the way down, watching signals on the monitor that indicated at least some of the other bots were off base. Whether it was Bulkhead, Bumblebee, Springer or the twins(or a combination), it was impossible to know without a closer look or asking. Asking didn't seem necessary when it really wasn't our business.

I paused a moment, recognizing how few bots were really on Earth compared to the Decepticons. I knew, but there were random moments where it struck me just how outnumbered we were. I wondered if anymore would join us...and if we had the room to accommodate them if they did. The base already felt small, with only a few extra rooms having been added on to the quarters. It wouldn't take many more arrivals to make it so we'd have to start sharing rooms. What would happen if we got more residents than the base could handle? Just keep building underground?

"Well, don't I feel important, sitting at a table with all the officers," Stormbreaker joked, sensing my tension.

"Just sit down," I said with a tone of slight annoyance, but mostly bemused tolerance.

Stormbreaker looked like she had succeeded in something, which she had if she had been trying to get me to refocus. She bounded over to a seat next to the one next to Jazz under her mech-friend's direction, leaving a space between them. Arcee took a seat next to Ironhide with Shadowstreaker waiting for me to sit down at the end of the table opposite Optimus(as I was indicated to do by the mech) before sitting between Arcee and myself. There were just enough seats at the table for everyone, I noticed, plus a seat extra that sat between Stormbreaker and Jazz. Though, I knew, the table could be expanded if more seats were needed.

"We are here to hear about your adventures," Optimus said. "And hear any concerns you may have." His optics rested on me and it felt like his optics were boring into my visor. My visor that I didn't usually keep on when on base.

My wings shifted slightly and I ducked my helm. "I have something I'd like to speak about specifically," I admitted. "Kind of a request. Kind of a, just so you know, thing."

Stormbreaker and Shadowstreaker both looked at me at the slight implication that I might go through with my plan without permission if I had to.

"Not that I intend to go against any orders," I added, seeing the concern in both of their optics. I lowered my wings. "My wording could've been better there. I apologize."

"It's hard to tell if you're sincere with your optics hidden behind that visor," Ironhide said, tone gentle and concerned.

I glanced at Jazz, who never removed his visor. Then ducked my helm, acknowledging that they knew him a great long while longer than they had known me. My visor would make it hard for them to see my sincerity, but I wasn't ready to let them see the vulnerability in my optics. Not with this.

"Perhaps, if you tell us what you experienced, we will understand," Optimus suggested.

I paused and shared looks with my trinemates.

"Other than watching the meeting where Optimus became Prime," Shadowstreaker stated. "I didn't personally see anything of note, nor did I do anything that would interfere with anything."

"Same," Stormbreaker said, shrugging a wing. "I spoke briefly with Elita-1, or who I am pretty sure was Elita-1, but yeah. Just mundane people living their mundane lives, oblivious to my presence otherwise. Shade's got the….non-mundane stuff that gives her, and us, concerns."

I ducked my helm. "It's still a little raw, what I saw, so I apologize ahead of time if I get emotional," I told the group of officers, wings betraying my anxiousness. I didn't enjoy public speaking or speaking in front of a group at all. I considered everyone here my friend, though, so I shouldn't be afraid, even if I knew they might not agree with me. I was, though.

"We understand," Optimus said gently, something in his voice very reassuring. "We will listen patiently and do our best to understand your concerns."

I nodded, dipping my wings in the Praxian motion of gratitude. Then I paused. "Is everyone aware how this adventure came to be? Or should I start at the beginning?"

"Not everybody's been debriefed on your newfound portals," Prowl replied neutrally.

"Speaking of, when we're done here, I need to see you in medbay," Ratchet said, seeming to consult his datapad. "We need to make sure you're not going to be making any more impromptu, uncontrolled jumps. We don't need you accidentally landing in some kind of horrible trouble at random because you don't have control over this power."

"Not falling into a volcano would be preferable," Shadowstreaker quipped.

"Indeed," I said with a shake of my helm. "Hopefully that was a one time deal. I seemed to have control on the return trip, after all. Or who knows where we would've ended up."

"Better safe than sorry," Ratchet commented.

"I can agree on that," I said, making a face at the thought of how many ways it could go wrong if my portals activated on their own again.

With that settled, I launched into the story, going through how it began since at least Arcee didn't know, where I had ended up and what I had seen. I left nothing out, not even the smallest of details I had seen. I didn't spare Starscream the reveal of his breakdown or how he had begged Megatron to spare his brothers, how he had crumbled. I didn't spare myself the fact that I had been distracted from my task to secretly break down with him.

"You feel sorry for him," Arcee said, looking not very happy about it.

"Of course I do," I said, sitting straight and looking right at her. "I'm naturally empathetic and I could easily see myself in that same position and know what I would've done and what I would've felt. If it was Storm' and Shadow' Megatron had carted off, I would've done anything to protect them from harm."

"You're saying you would've made the same choice?" Arcee demanded hotly.

My wings hitched. "Yes," I said, emotion bleeding into my voice with a hardness to it alongside some brokenness. "I would've. Not easily and….I probably would've broken harder than what I saw from Starscream, but I would've followed him and bided time to try to find a way out….no matter how long it may have taken me to find it. Had it been Megatron who had found me that day months ago instead of Optimus…...it's possible I could've ended up in Starscream's exact same position if Megatron had decided to take the same route. I would never have wanted to, but….I'd sacrifice all of me to protect my family. No matter how much it would kill me." I paused, ducking my helm.

"You have no idea how grateful I am that that isn't the scenario that happened," I continued softly. "That I'm here and not there. I am so, so freakin' grateful to be able to say I believe in what I am fighting for. To say that I wouldn't give up what I have here for the world. I know I've kept everyone at arm's length, but not because I don't view you as friends or because I don't love you guys. I do, in fact, love you guys and I would do just as much for you all as I would for Storm' or Shadow'. And I will never take that I have had you here for granted. I was lucky. Starscream wasn't."

"He had a whole city of seekers at his command," Arcee argued. "Why didn't he have them rescue his brothers?"

"Who says he didn't try?" I asked, flicking a wing. "Who says all of those seekers would've listened to him? How many were really loyal to him? How many would've joined Megatron without him? We don't know that he had anyone he could've asked that could've succeeded or would've believed him. In my experience, no one believes you did something because you were backed into a corner without proof. No one believes you've done something bad because you were pushed too far, sometimes even with proof. Did Starscream have anyone he trusted he could've gone to for help? Maybe. Maybe not. We don't know that answer. His brothers may have been all he had."

"You kinda sound like you know somethin' 'bout that," Jazz said, pulling my attention to him.

I looked at Stormbreaker, seeking encouragement and strength. She gave me a reassuring smile and both she and Shadowstreaker sent me strength over our bond. I ducked my helm slightly.

"I do," I said quietly. "My life's not been an easy one. There was a time when I...well, when it feels like the world is treating you like you're a monster when all you do is try to be friends and do your best, they can push you to become one even if it is against your own nature. I would be a very different person today if someone hadn't decided to show me kindness and give me a light to follow, to give me a chance to be a better person. I got that chance to break that cycle, to be a better person. Why should Starscream not be given that chance? Everyone deserves a second chance. Sure, he's probably done terrible things in this war...for a long, long time. But he's still alive and that means there's still hope for him to be good, or become good if he is not. Where there's life, there's hope."

There was silence around the table as everyone thought about my words.

"I can't say I've never made mistakes either," Stormbreaker spoke up quietly. "I've done some things in my life. I wouldn't be who I am without Shade' and Shadow' coming into my life. Sometimes I'm surprised they've stuck with me all these years. I got second chances more than once."

"Everyone makes mistakes," Shadowstreaker said. "And war is no picnic. No one fights a war without doing something they regret."

"Desperate people do desperate things," I added. "Sometimes, those things can be really bad. But doesn't everyone deserve a chance to be better in a situation they are not forced to be desperate in? Or do we believe here that someone who does bad things is always inherently bad and will never change? Cause if so, either I should leave or be locked up. Cause while the worst of what I did may have been when I was a kid still learning how to do life, I've hardly been perfect as an adult. Case in point, the trouble I've gotten into with Springer."

"Of course we don't believe that," Ironhide said, looking at me. I turned to him and was taken aback at the pain in his optics. "You really shouldn't be comparing yourself to Starscream, Shadebreaker. Whatever you think you've done, it's nowhere near as bad as what he has done."

"Maybe," I conceded, ducking my helm to him. "After all, I got pulled off that path before I ever did any real damage. Before I was old enough for me to." Besides harsh words and attempts at physical damage that failed. And intimidating everyone around me to where even when people did get somewhat close to me they were still afraid of me for years to come. Not something I talked about often, and not a side that ever showed its face anymore.

"But I do know," I continued. "That if I had stayed on that path, joining the 'Cons willingly wouldn't have been off the table. I haven't been that person since I was a kid, long before Storm' and Shadow' came in my life, and every step from that point on left that side of me further in the past. To the point that even when I am angriest, that side still never shows up. It's dead and gone for good. If I can make that change as a child, so could Starscream as an adult if he is given that chance."

"You really want to help him, don't you?" Ironhide asked.

"I do," I said. "Someone pulled me off that path. If I could be the light to pull someone else from it...I don't know. I just….I want to believe there's still good in him we could draw out. I'd like to believe that of every Decepticon, to be honest, Starscream's just the only one I've seen evidence that there's a chance. I don't like seeing people forced into bad decisions like he was. That….and I kinda left him a note promising my help, if he wants it."

"You did what?" Prowl asked, wings flicking as his optics flicked to me from where he was transcribing the meeting...or something on a datapad.

I flinched, shrinking in my seat.

"She had evidence the note existed in this reality already," Shadowstreaker said, jumping to my defense. "There was a report of a time when she got separated from the main fighting in a skirmish and faced off with him. She called him the Dorito of Doom and he left without firing a single shot at her."

"He recognized the nickname," I said, looking Prowl in the optics. "Even though he shouldn't have. I could see it in his optics. It was the only possible way he could've known it. I wouldn't have left it, if I hadn't realized that. I gave him my word I would help him when the time came that I could, because it was the right thing to do. And I will maintain that regardless of what anyone says."

"Even assuming he does want help," Ratchet said. "How do you expect to help him? How do you even know he will trust you enough to ask you for it?"

"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I don't know if he still wants out. I don't know if Megatron's corrupted or otherwise beat him down too much for him to want to escape. I don't know that he will ask me for help. I don't know, if he does, how I will help him. I don't have enough information at this point to make any kind of plans. Finding out where his brothers are would be the first step, but I don't have any clue where to begin. All I know is that it's the right thing to do and I will figure it out somehow." I looked at Optimus, who had been silent for some time now. "I will leave it, if you tell me to. I will not disobey orders on something like this. But I deeply ask you to consider it. This is something I feel strongly about. I don't…" I trailed off, uncertain what more to say, uncertain what message I wanted to convey.

"You're already emotionally invested in this task," Prowl observed. "Tell me, what if we go through with this, if we bring Starscream over from the Decepticons, and he betrays us? What then?"

"I will shoulder any responsibility," I said without hesitation, wings lowered in acceptance of this possibility. "And I will do whatever is necessary to protect everyone as much as I can from the consequences. I will bear them all if I can help it. I will take the brunt, I will take the fall. And you can do with me what you will at the end for putting you all in danger."

"No," Optimus said.

For a moment, I thought he was telling me no on helping Starscream and I flinched hard, feeling tears filling my optics.

"If we help Starscream and he does betray us, we will bear the consequences together," Optimus said, optics resting on me before going over all of those present.

I felt myself trembling in the silence as it felt like it dragged on forever despite the fact it probably only lasted a few short seconds. It was broken by an agreement from Ironhide, followed by the other officers, about dealing with the consequences together if this mission to help Starscream is ultimately approved. I pushed my visor up a little bit to wipe tears away as they fell. I was touched that they felt they'd be willing to support me in the event that everything fell apart despite the fact it would be my responsibility.

"If we bring Starscream over, you realize he will be spending his early days in the brig," Prowl said. "It'll be rough on him."

"Probably tame compared to however Megatron treats him," I said quietly. "And if all goes well, that will be temporary." I shifted a wing. "I would be willing to babysit him when he is not in the brig. You know, keep an optic on him. I'm sure after centuries on their side, he will need guidance. I don't pretend to be perfect or to know everything, but this is my idea. It would be wrong of me not to accept responsibility for him."

"No one's perfect," Ironhide said, tone gentle. "That's a lot of responsibility for a young femme. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving you alone with him either."

"I don't have to be alone with him to be a guide," I said. "And I have my own guides I can turn to for advice. I have also had other examples in the past that I can refer to the lessons they taught me." I looked at them all in turn. "I wouldn't want to be alone with him anyways, until he's proven that he wouldn't take advantage of such a scenario. Even if he's not evil, he's still a guy."

"Glad to hear you're not naive to the risks," Arcee said, smirking. "Not that I thought you were with our resident Springer. What happens if Starscream ends up being like him?"

"Then I will hopefully put a stop to that behavior right quick," I said, holding my arms out in a T. "Or we will. And if not, then he will know that is why I'm kicking him out of my life." I shook my helm. "I'd accept any responsibility laid at my pedes and I'd deal with him myself if it came to it. I just want to do the right thing, but I know I can't do it alone. I'm too inexperienced."

"Are the two of you ready and willing to help Starscream if he wants it as well?" Prowl asked, looking to each of my trinemates in turn.

"We are," Shadowstreaker replied.

"We have Shade's back," Stormbreaker answered. "Throughout all of it. She isn't, and won't be, alone."

"Hm," Optimus hummed as Prowl turned to look at him. "We will discuss this further between us officers. In the meantime, you three are dismissed. Be ready to move, if our away team needs any backup, however."

"Yes sir," I said, bowing my helm to the Prime.

"One of us will let you know when we've made a decision," Optimus promised as the three of us got to our pedes.

"Thank you, Optimus," I said sincerely. "For at least considering it. I will accept whatever your decision, however hard it may be."

And either way, I thought as my trinemates and I left the war room, it would be a difficult task ahead. Whether it was helping Starscream or ignoring his pleas for help. The latter, though I said I would obey if I was told to do, I highly doubted I would be able to. I knew, deep in my spark, that I held too much empathy for Starscream's situation to not help him. It was too ingrained in me, as well, to help those who asked for it. My mentor I had once growing up would help everyone who asked, even when he knew they would betray him. I would be lying if I said that hadn't rubbed off on me. Ignoring Starscream's plea for help would be the hardest thing I could do. It would be the ultimate test of my loyalty to Optimus. One I didn't know if I would pass.

"It'll be ok, sis," Stormbreaker reassured me as we moved back toward the elevator. She placed a hand on my arm, sensing I needed the reassurance of such a supportive touch.

"Maybe," I said. "Hopefully. Optimistically. Conversely, I could be about to lead us down the worst mistake of my life."

"I-"

"If it goes badly, it will be," I cut her off before she could contest it. "Because it won't just be me affected, Storm'. Everyone will be affected if I bring Starscream into our home and then he betrays us. Everything would go so horribly wrong." I looked around the space. Having an underground base sucked sometimes, but it was still home. A home I was putting at risk. Despite my brave words during the meeting, I was scared. And I was sure everyone knew it.

"Will you back out if Optimus gives you permission due to this fear?" Shadowstreaker asked.

"Hell no," I said, turning to look at him. "I gave my word. I intend to keep it if at all possible. I'll not let fear stop me."

"Good," Shadowstreaker said as we stepped into the elevator. "It wouldn't be like you to back out on your word due to fear."

"Or at all," Stormbreaker added, looking at me in concern. "If they deny the mission, will you really be able to tell him no?"

"I've had to tell people no before," I said with a sigh. "But, honestly? I don't know. I'm already committed. I don't back out. I know what it's like to be left high and dry, to be abandoned, to have someone promise to be there and then not. I don't think I could do that to Starscream, even if it was Optimus who asked me to do it." I bowed my helm. "If he tells me no… I dunno."

"You won't… leave? Will you?" Stormbreaker asked.

"No," I replied. "I wouldn't leave you two and I wouldn't ask you to leave Jazz. Besides, the bots are my friends as well. I couldn't abandon them either. I dunno, it's all so conflicting and confusing and I just hope I am not put in a position of choosing between keeping my word and keeping my friends."

"Well, we'll see how things go," Shadowstreaker said. "I doubt you'll have to choose between those things. Optimus is a lot like how we thought he'd be and I have a hard time seeing him ignoring a 'Con who wants to leave Megatron's fold."

"I hope not," I said, flinching as I looked up as if I could see us approaching the ground level through the elevator walls. If things went sideways, regardless of how sideways it went, and I lost friends over it, I didn't think I could handle it. I had lost so much already. It would break my spark if I lost even one of the bots I had grown to call "friend." I didn't know if I could recover from another loss when I was still feeling the sting of losing everyone besides my trinemates when this adventure all started.

That was the whole reason I kept at a distance. I didn't want to drive them away by intruding and I was also, in a way, protecting myself. I thought I might spare myself some of the pain if I didn't let myself get attached to them on a deep level, though I was kidding myself if I said I wasn't attached to them at all. I got attached easily and I had small bonds with several of the bots besides just Ratchet, who I had a fledgling bond with thanks to his status as my teacher, and the small crush I had on him. But I didn't expect them to stay in my life, when they learned more about me, so I didn't let those bonds grow past the surface level. I was taking an awful risk in that area by speaking up about this, I thought, and by telling them about the type of person I had almost become.

"Shade'," Shadowstreaker said, breaking me from my thoughts. "I really don't believe you need to worry so much. No one's going to leave you over this. So if you aren't going to leave them, you don't need to be worried about losing anyone. And no one's going to judge you over something from when you were a child, for stepping one foot onto a path you didn't follow through to adulthood. Storm' and I don't and I don't believe the bots will either."

I sighed, realizing how easy it was for my trinemates to read me. "I'll try to believe that, Shadow'," I said as the elevator opened. I stepped out as I continued. "In the meantime, I just want to be alone while I wait for the verdict. I need to process things properly. Intercom me if I'm needed?"

"Of course sis," Stormbreaker said. "And you intercom us if you need anything, even if it's just to be present in the same room."

I bowed my helm in gratitude before leaving, heading toward medbay to work on my textbook studies. I passed the twins on my way and Sideswipe gave a friendly wave while Sunstreaker had a scowl on his face as he always did. The red twin had since made friends with me after the glitter prank and ensuing scene in the studio, but Sunstreaker was still distant and aloof, which when matched with my own arm's distance that I kept left us pretty decently separated by a chasm. Still, though, with Sideswipe and I being friends, Sunstreaker was a friend to me by association, even if the mech didn't think so. I accepted Sunstreaker's standoffishness easily, understanding he would not be my friend until I proved to him that I was friend material.

"Hey Shade'!" Sideswipe greeted. "What's up?" Concern crossed his face when he noticed my visor on.

I glanced up. "The ceiling is up," I replied, causing the mech to chuckle slightly.

"Anything else?" Sideswipe asked.

"What my brother is trying to ask is, what's troubling you?" Sunstreaker put in.

"Lots of things," I answered honestly. "Too many things. All the things."

"That's a lot," Sideswipe commented.

"Indeed," I said. "So I'm going to go process it in medbay."

"Why process it in medbay? When you could process it over video games?" Sideswipe asked.

My wings betrayed my hesitance. Video games. I hadn't stopped to play them since that time the twins had gotten me drunk, albeit unintentionally, and I had gone on that rant about Megatron. It would be easier to process things over video games than over data pads. Provided we found a game that was both mindless enough and took enough brain power to keep my processor going. Focusing on my studies would be a bit difficult when I had such troubling thoughts as I did.

"Eh? Eh? You're interested," Sideswipe nudged, giving me a grin and somehow nudged me with his expression as well as his words.

My wings twitched just a bit as I considered if staying in the company of others and playing video games was really what I wanted to do right now.

"It would be better than going off on your own," Stormbreaker said, having slinked closer to see how I was fairing with the twins.

"Except going off on my own, I could write," I replied simply.

"Do you think you can write right now?" Stormbreaker asked.

"Actually, I do," I said. "It's therapeutic, just as painting is for you and Sunstreaker. You know that."

"Aw, dang it, Storm'," Sideswipe complained. "I almost had her baited in for video games!"

"Better luck next time, dude," I said, moving toward the hallway again. "I'll play video games with you next time our down times cross, alright?"

"I'll hold you to it!" Sideswipe said, cheered back up.

"I'll hold you to it, too!" Stormbreaker called after me.

I gave them a wave to acknowledge their words and headed on toward medbay. The slight distraction had made me think about the fact I wouldn't be able to focus on my studies right now, but writing I could do. And writing would help me process through everything. Even if I just wrote everything I was feeling down. Maybe I could kick myself in the butt about keeping everyone at arm's length the way I did. Or maybe I could get something done on something original.

I spent the next several hours in medbay, just writing and rewriting bits of story that I may or may not ever actually use in anything official. It was mostly bits that were venting work or ways for me to seek advice from those who were no longer around. I puzzled on what my old mentor would say about my desire to help Starscream, the cautions he might give, the encouragement. I also puzzled over what my mom might say and my sister. I knew I couldn't know for sure and that hit me hard that I would never know for sure. I was lowering my datapad to wipe at my tears at the way that was sinking in when the doors opened and Ratchet walked in, deep in conversation with Ironhide.

"..and- Shade'? What's wrong?" Ratchet cut off from whatever he was discussing and moved further into the medbay.

I shook my helm, taking a deep, shuddering breath as I closed my datapad. "It doesn't matter," I replied quietly. "Did you all come to a decision?"

"Don't you change the subject, young femme," Ratchet reprimanded me.

My wings hitched and I looked away as Ratchet reached me.

"Does it have to do with what you brought forward at the meeting?" Ratchet ventured as Ironhide approached cautiously.

I shook my helm, then paused and made a so-so motion with my hand. "Kinda, I guess," I said quietly, bowing my helm to Ironhide to let him know he could approach too. "Not all of it is that specifically, but that is part of what is weighing on me."

Ratchet sighed and sat down on the berth I was sitting on next to me. Ironhide stood in front of me, but to the other side. "You were really affected by what you saw."

"It's hard not to be," I replied, shifting a wing. "I mean….I wasn't kidding about ending up where he is if it had been Megatron who had found us. I mean, it would've been a very specific scenario that was one in millions of possible ways it could've gone, but it was still one and I personally must acknowledge the fact I do not always make the best choices when it comes to what I give up to protect those I care about. I'm very self-sacrificial, I'm aware of this. I'm also aware it can lead to not great things for me. And I saw that in Starscream. It tore him apart to bow to Megatron, as it would've me. But he did it. Because if he didn't, his brothers would've suffered and died for it. He sacrificed his freedom to protect them as much as he could. Not to mention, watching Megatron brutalize three mechs in front of you is kinda traumatizing."

"I'm sorry you watched that," Ironhide said quietly. "I know enough to know it wasn't pretty."

"You know, the worst part isn't even what I saw," I said, drumming my fingers on my datapad. "It's the fact that I know exactly how I would've felt in his place. And I saw the same emotions on display from him. I saw him and his brothers get brutalized and I saw the aftermath. I can only imagine, with my horribly vivid imagination, how bad it must be by this point." I paused, wings trembling.

"And there's this promise I made to him in the spur of the moment," I continued. "I thought about it, sure, but I was still feeling a lot of raw emotion. But I don't know if I'll be able to make good on it. I don't even know yet if I have permission. And-...the ones I used to go to for advice are not-….here." I looked down at my data pad. "I keep trying to think what my mom would tell me. What my old mentor would tell me. What my sister would tell me. My old boss, the one I got along with and who actually gave a damn about me and what I did with my life. But I can only guess. I can only surmise based on the lessons I learned from them. I-" I swallowed as emotion threatened to choke me. I wiped at tears again.

"They're not here and I miss them and I need them and I don't know how I've managed to keep going without them without breaking before now. I don't know-I don't-everything is so much right now. I just….I want mom. I want her cuddles, rare as they were… I want her to give me her advice, even though she wouldn't be entirely certain of what the answer I need is. But she's not here. And she'll never be here. And neither is my sister, who always seemed to know what to say to ease my troubled mind or to make me listen to reason when I was being stupid. My family is gone and there's nothing I can do about it. And I'm just here...alone...but...not alone…" I frowned slightly, pondering at the comfort coming from my fledgling bond with Ratchet and an even weaker bond that had slowly, painfully slowly, been forming with Ironhide as I spent time with him here and there—not as much as I spent with others, but enough to have gotten to know him a bit beyond just the rough, military mech he was on the field. I tilted my helm slightly at the black mech, and he opened his arms in invitation.

I reached my arms back out to him, accepting the invitation for a hug readily. Arm's length be damned, I needed a hug badly right now and my trinemates weren't here in the room, plus they had just given me a hug and I wasn't about to cling to them and get on their nerves. He surprised me by scooping me up into his arms and cuddling me to his chest like one might cuddle a sparkling(I decided the ability to be cuddled like a sparkling was officially an advantage to being so freakin' small compared to the big bots). There was a guardian-like feel to the hold and his energy was soothing as he cuddled me, taking a seat on the berth next to Ratchet.

"You're certainly not alone, Shade'," Ironhide told me gently, tone reassuring.

I snuggled instinctively into his hold, a hold I had seen him hold Bumblebee in from time to time when the mech was upset. The bots, I had noticed, were much more touch-oriented than so many humans seemed to be. Like I was. Like my trinemates weren't. There was nothing inappropriate about his cuddling me, just an old mech comforting a young bot. I certainly felt like a youngling at the moment, lost and alone and scared. The cuddles were easing some of the pain, though. Platonic cuddling was the best type of cuddling if you asked me. More people should be open to it.

"If you'd just let us in, you'd see that," Ironhide continued, giving my helm a rub. "I know we don't spend a lot of time together, but you're kinda like my own kid, you know? If you had been a youngling, I would've scooped you up as my ward immediately."

I couldn't help it. I giggled in amusement. "And here I thought I was easily attached," I joked, snuggling some more.

"Are you kidding? Ironhide will adopt anyone who will let him." Ratchet quipped with a smirk. "You just haven't let him yet, is all."

"You're gonna make her think I'm nothing but a softy, Ratchet," Ironhide said in a mock irritated tone.

I chuckled, grinning. "Well, I guess I should consider myself adopted by a big ol' soft teddy bear."

"Teddy bear?" Ironhide asked as Ratchet barked out a laugh.

My optics sparkled through the pain in amusement. "Teddy bear," I confirmed. "And Ratchet's a cat. Can be aloof, but secretly all squishy inside and just wants his people to be around, though not necessarily to cuddle with him."

Ratchet sputtered slightly as Ironhide chuckled.

"You're something else, femme," Ironhide shook his helm. "Ratchet, you ought to be careful. I might steal your student to be my student."

"You have her brother," Ratchet said dryly.

"Yeah, but he's not small enough to cuddle like a sparkling," Ironhide said.

"Nor would he cuddle," I added. "My trinemates are not touch oriented."

"See?" Ironhide said as if I had made his point.

"You don't want me in the forge," I said. "I'd end up back in medbay with all the burns from my clumsy self."

"Oh, well, in that case," Ironhide said, setting me down on the berth next to him. "Best keep you here in medbay where you'll stab yourself with needles instead."

I giggled. "I'm surprisingly good with needles, actually," I told him, wings fluttering some.

"Until it's your turn to be stabbed with one," Ratchet said dryly.

"Sssshhhh, details," I said, causing Ratchet to shake his helm.

"Now," Ironhide said, growing serious again. He looked down at me. "Is there anything else about all of this that is bothering you?"

I hesitated. I had already dumped what I felt like was a truck load on them. And even got myself some pretty nice cuddles from Ironhide. It felt like too much to add anything else onto that.

"We can't help you if you don't talk, femme," Ratchet said, a bit firmly.

I sighed, ducking my helm. "I get easily attached, even when I am trying to keep a distance." I said quietly. "I also have abandonment issues. I've had a lot of people leave me in my life. My dad. People who were supposed to be my friends. Heck, the very person who pulled me off that path as a kid….One day I was just not good enough anymore, she just started ignoring me and brushing me off and just….left me….like every other friend I ever made before Storm' and Shadow'...my trinemates were the first true friends I ever made. They're the only ones who never left besides Mom, Grandma, and my sister and brother. Even my old mentor left me for periods, though at least with him I found out it wasn't entirely his choice.

"It all really messed me up," I continued. "I still sometimes expect Storm' and Shadow' to leave, even after all this time and with so much evidence. My trust for that is just...dead. I don't know if it will ever be truly repaired to where I have anyone in my life I never doubt whether they'll stay. I mean, my bonds with Storm' and Shadow' are strong and we've been through so much together. I know they won't leave me. They've proven it. And yet I still have times when I expect to wake up to find they've decided I'm not good enough for them anymore. With no explanation, because hell if I ever got one from anyone." I shook my helm.

"Ah femme," Ironhide said sympathetically. He placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a comforting rub.

"And I just...I'm scared of losing everyone here," I admitted, more vulnerability in my voice than I would've liked. "Any time I get in trouble I wonder if it'll be the last straw. And now I speak out wanting to help someone on the other side of the war. And I can't help but be afraid that no one will want to stay my friend when I feel empathy and sympathy for a 'Con on the level that I do. And I'm afraid of what might happen if things go wrong, if I help him and he betrays us. If I might not be able to protect everyone and if it'll just drive a wedge between us."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Shade'," Ratchet told me gently. "The only time you've been in trouble has been with the incidents with Springer and no one judges you for those. Springer is a test on everyone's patience."

"That's right," Ironhide nodded. "As for this whole thing with Starscream." He paused and I peeked up at him to see a contemplative look on his face. "You're just trying to do the right thing. No one faults you for that. Some of us think you're naive, but, actually, we all agree with you in the end on the matter. It actually proves that you think like an Autobot. Starscream's hardly the only bot Megatron has forced into his service by holding family over them. He's the only one who's lasted this long, but he's not the only victim. We've helped some such victims escape before."

"Everyone?" I asked, raised my optic ridges. "Even Arcee?"

"Well, most everyone who was in the meeting," Ironhide corrected himself. "And Arcee will come around. The loss of Cliffjumper is still raw for her, she was very close to him."

"I understand," I said. "Though I also….don't know now if Starscream is his killer. I mean, the mech's whole backstory is different from any continuities' that I have seen. He may have, but he may not have."

"Who's to say?" Ironhide shrugged.

"So," I said after a long pause. "We have a verdict then?"

Ironhide nodded. "Optimus and Prowl will want to speak to you in the next few days to start hashing out a plan to get you and Starscream a chance to talk."

"Cool," I said. "I'd be more enthusiastic, if I wasn't so tired." I yawned. "I didn't sleep well when I napped after I got back."

"Let's get your scans done with, then, and then you can get some energon and some much needed recharge," Ratchet said, getting to his pedes. He hadn't snuggled or hugged or touched at all, but his presence next to me had been as much a stabilizing one as Ironhide's.

"Ok, Ratchet," I said compliantly and hopped off the berth. "Oh, and my intercom needs looked at. It's disconnected, or something that makes it read as disconnected. Storm' and Shadow's say the same thing. Shadow' thinks something got jarred on our return trip. It wasn't exactly smooth sailing, as you probably know from the fact we landed in a heap on the floor."

"Hopefully that won't become a normal occurrence either," Ratchet said, tone gruff and irritated.

Disengaging my visor at last, I smiled at the fact Ratchet wasn't behaving any different around me now after I had brought forward a request to help a Decepticon. Same old Ratchet. And I felt closer to Ironhide now as well, now that I knew he viewed me as he would a young bot he was guardian over. I was still scared, but I was happy for the moment. And hopefully in time that fear would leave me. Or at least be quiet enough to not bother me most of the time, like it had gotten with my trinemates. If it hadn't gone completely in regards to them yet, I doubted it would for the others either, but I could look forward to it being quieter.

After the scans were done, Ratchet shooed me off with strict orders to make sure I consumed some energon before I retired for the day. I wasn't suffering from any further malnutrition at this point, but it was best not to risk it cropping up again with having skipped three days of meals during my trip into the past. I decided to check on my trinemates and went to find them, doing so in the rec room where they were playing video games with the twins.

"Still playing video games, huh?" I asked, walking up behind the couch and leaning on it.

"We waited in the ops center until the away team returned, just in case they needed backup," Shadowstreaker said. "We actually just started not look ago."

"You feeling better, sis?" Stormbreaker asked.

"I wrote, processed some things," I said. "And had a conversation with Ratchet and Ironhide about it all. It was productive."

"Good," Stormbreaker said.

"Anyways, I'm still tired, so I'm just here to hang out while I drink my energon and then I'm going to bed and hopefully sleeping restfully," I said, tone slightly dry as I moved away toward the energon dispenser.

"Can you grab me a cube too? I'm starving!" Stormbreaker called over her shoulder.

I chuckled. "Anyone else?"

My brother and the twins all said they'd take a cube as well. Shadowstreaker offered to help once the round was over, but I didn't pay mind to his offer. I was halfway back to the couch with a stack of cubes when the round was over and he shifted. He gave me a deadpan look and I grinned at him cheekily. I passed the cubes out and then took a seat between my brother and Sideswipe.

Sideswipe nudged me slightly and asked me about these portals he hears I have. I shared what little I knew, navigating the conversation carefully. I knew the twins were unlikely to be happy to find out about my plans to help Starscream. Besides, I didn't know who would be allowed in on the plan prior to it being executed. It was an official mission now, it wasn't up to me who knew about it.

"Did they tell you if a decision has been made yet?" Stormbreaker intercommed me.

"I'll be talking to Prowl and Optimus soon to discuss how to create a situation where Starscream has the opportunity to come to me for help, assuming he still wants it," I replied. If he ever wanted it to begin with, I supposed, given that I was a stranger to him and a vague offer of help might've been insulting.

"So they're given the mission the green light," Shadowstreaker said in the conversation. "I thought they would. That must've helped knowing that you won't have to tell Starscream no after promising him you'd help."

"It does help,"I said. "It's an official mission now. I don't know who they'll let in on it, though, so don't go around telling bots who weren't in the meeting. I can only imagine how it might be screwed up by someone unhappy about it or trying to make a point. The less people who know, the better. Less chances of Megatron catching wind of it. And I don't need to be starting arguments with bots about it simply by it being known. I get in enough tiffs with Springer without giving anyone else a reason to hate me."

"Agreed," they both replied.

I was outwardly silent as I watched them play games with the twins. I put into the conversation periodically, but I was mostly just enjoying being in their presence and resting. It wasn't entirely unusual for me, so no one said anything about it. The twins, while they didn't know what it was, knew there was something I was working through, and they didn't press for me to get more involved—Sunstreaker didn't speak much either anyways. And my trinemates knew I was more content being present without talking much when I was in the physical presence of those I was with. If we were only talking over the headset, it would be different and I would be making more of an effort to be involved in the conversation, but being physically with them was enough for me.

~Late That Night/Super Early Morning, Location Unknown~

I held my wings stiffly, my visor deployed once again as I looked around. Was this a dream? After retiring to my quarters for the night, I had checked Topaz's energon after making sure she was in for the night and then almost immediately had fallen asleep as soon as I had snuggled into my bed. My sleep had been disturbed by scattered dreams that were neither pleasant nor terribly awful, just bad enough and disturbing enough to my processor that it made me wrestle with sleep, unable to stay asleep for more than an hour or two at a time. And then, I had been dropped through a portal. It wasn't mine, I could tell. My portal system wasn't booted up at all, it was laying dormant and when I checked, it asked me if I wanted to boot it up, and obeyed when I told it no.

"Where are we?" Stormbreaker asked, blinking as if she had just woken up as well.

She and Shadowstreaker were both here. Both of them clearly having been dragged out of bed as well. I didn't know if we were all actually here or if they were part of the dream.

"You're in the Pocket Universe," a voice said, calling our attention to the stone platforms I had seen during my perusal of the area.

Six bots of tremendous height each were walking up from somewhere beyond them to stand on a stone platform each. There were seven stone platforms unoccupied, giving the image of a group that was missing several members. I looked over them with surprise, recognizing a couple of them from the stories back in the reality we had come from. Alpha Trion was among them. Looking exactly like the images of Optimus's mentor I had seen. I knew it.

"You're….the Thirteen," Stormbreaker said, surprise in her voice.

The tallest of them, a silver mech with light blue highlights, smiled gently. "Indeed we are, young one. What's left of us, anyways."

"I knew it," I said, my half awake state coupled with the fact I wasn't yet sure whether this was a dream or making me lose with my tongue. "I knew Optimus's old mentor was not just named after a myth."

Alpha Trion chuckled in amusement at me. "Indeed, I'm not. I am the myth."

I grinned, optics sparkling as I realized the mech had a sense of humor. It went a long way to take away any intimidating factor he may have had for being so freaking tall. Every one of these mechs were much taller than even Optimus. And Alpha Trion was the second tallest of them.

"Is this your real height?" Stormbreaker asked, looking up at them in curiosity.

"Well, not really," the only femme of the group said, looking amused. She must be Solus, I surmised. "The way the Pocket Universe behaves can be strange in locations. In this one, it makes us look larger than we are when we stand on these stones."

"So you just stand there to look big, gotcha," Shadowstreaker said, joking slightly.

I decided either this was a dream or my trinemates were equally uncertain of the realness of these events as I was. Why were the Thirteen here? Or some of them, rather? Surely this was a dream. Right?