Special thank you to my 100th reviewer, Shiz Student. I could barely contain my grin while reading your beautiful review. Thank you so much!
Elphaba hadn't slept in three days. It was Lurlinemas Day, but the last thing she felt was festive. Every noise startled her, and every shadow activated her fight-or-flight response. She needed everything to be completely still and silent. It had heavily snowed the night before, covering the ground in a thick, white blanket. She normally loved snow, but now, it acted as a noise muffler, and the possibilities of what she couldn't hear scared her.
She stayed in the library, curled up in her special little corner, never venturing beyond the stacks loomed over her, seemingly protecting her. She couldn't bring herself to return to her bedroom, where it all went down. She didn't even miss her comfy bed, for she didn't sleep.
The palace was vacated, everyone being forced to stay home until further notice. No staff meant no kitchen workers, which meant no food, but she wasn't hungry. The only people at the palace were the police brought in from the five Ozian provinces, since the Gale Force had been corrupted. They mostly guarded from the outside, with only a small handful inside, at Elphaba's orders. They also doubled as a clean-up crew, mostly for the mess in the streets from the rioting.
The smell of blood and death hung in the air around her, mixing with the stench of not bathing in a while. She couldn't differentiate between the two, but didn't have the strength to do anything about it. It wasn't like anyone else was around her to also suffer through it.
A multitude of thoughts fought for her attention in her brain, and she was too tired to try and filter through them. She remembered time seemingly slowing as the bullet flew from the barrel of the gun, across the room, and lodged into Avaric's chest. She remembered him staggering backwards, collapsing against the wall with a hrrk! and sliding down, his eyes wide and unseeing as his chest stopped moving. She remembered the two guards opening fire on her – the loud bangs almost bursting her eardrums – and grazing her in multiple spots. She remembered blacking out as her magic took over, and the next thing she knew, she awoke in the burning throne room. She coughed, inhaling smoke, and forced herself to crawl out.
She had acted in self-defense, but still felt awful. She knew all the names people had for her, and out of all her titles, she didn't want to add 'murderer' to that list. But what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them or herself, and only a tiny bit of real information had managed to seep out.
News of the coup had spread throughout Oz and beyond within hours. Even people who disliked Elphaba, for whatever reason, were able to muster up some sympathy for her. Reporters stood at the gates, searching for a source, reliable or not, to comment on what happened inside the palace. They didn't know the specifics, just that there were multiple injuries, the throne room had been practically destroyed, and the private secretary was dead.
Fiyero and Glinda were taken to the hospital. The last she heard, Fiyero was still in the hospital in critical condition. Glinda had been shot in her dominant arm, so she went back to Pertha Hills to stay with her parents, but was recovering fairly well.
She clenched her fingers, haunted by the ghost feeling of the gun in her hands. She was still conflicted about how she felt about Avaric. She knew death was inevitable, but she seemed to attract it more than others. From her governess, to her father, to Avaric, death seemed to love haunting her. But it wasn't after her, it was after those she cared about. She just hoped it wouldn't add Fiyero to its list.
"Enough!" she bellowed to the emptiness of the space. No one had said anything, no one was there. She wasn't hearing voices, nor seeing ghosts. Green fingers dug into her skirt, one hand forming fisting the dress material, almost ripping it. She brought her other hand to her mouth and bit her knuckles, tears forming as she crumbled to the floor. She winced at the sudden pain her jerky movements caused her superficial wounds. She could only muster enough energy to care for them to keep them from getting infected, and knew she should probably get them looked at sooner or later. She chose later.
Blood pounded in her ears. Her heart palpitated, feeling like it was trying to beat its way out of her chest. She was crying so hard, no sound came out. The tears refused to stop, but the scars they left behind would be the least of her worries. She had bigger, deeper scars to worry about. Her whole world had crumbled around her. She had lost the trust of the person she thought she could trust the most. Two people who she cared about and cared about her (the real her) were injured. They had both tried to warn her, and she repaid them by ignoring them, thus putting their lives in danger. She let out a blood-curdling scream and buried her face in her hands, not holding back anything anymore.
She barely registered anything other than her magic coursing through her veins. She had done her best to hold back, and it couldn't take anymore. She felt the energy release itself, and a second later, the nearby windows exploded. She screamed and scampered away from the glass shards, as if a rock thrown from the outside had shattered it.
She felt nauseous, but knew there was nothing in her stomach to expel. She shivered, and not just from the wind blowing in from the glassless window. She didn't feel like herself, but what she hated was that she didn't know when/if she would return to normal.
The holiday passed slowly, with Elphaba still isolating herself. She hadn't touched a single book, not in the mood for reading. She spent her time alternating between staring off into space, detaching herself from the world, and curled in a fetal position, having a breakdown when the reality would hit her like a ton of bricks.
As the numbness slowly ebbed away, grief set in. She didn't feel grief for Avaric. That bastard could rot in hell for all she cared. She couldn't pinpoint any one specific she was grieving for, she just… grieved. Perhaps it was a mixture of her father, after learning the truth, and the weight that day still had on her shoulders. Either way, it further debilitated her and her desire to return.
As days turned into weeks, she found herself slowly returning. She left the library and went straight to the bathroom to freshen up. It felt good to feel a small load fall off her shoulders. She slipped into a simple dress and returned to her office. It looked exactly how she left it when she left on the day of the Solstice. She slowly lowered herself into her chair. Her face hardened. She had work to do.
She went through her desk and pulled out all the files she could find on the Animal Banns. She needed to understand them in order to know how to reverse them. Some were stupid, like how Animals had to travel in the cargo cart of trains. Others were more serious, like how Animals were taxed higher. She wrote page after page of reversal laws, first overthrowing the cargo cart law, then moving to the bigger ones. She was unstoppable. She was going to win this fight, even though there wasn't much of a fight.
Once that was done, she moved her attention to restaffing the palace. Over half of her old staff had revolted against her, which left a lot of empty space. She drew up a plan to have thorough checks on everyone. If they had a non-work connection with anyone who was part of the coup, they wouldn't be able to return. She knew it wasn't their fault, but she couldn't take any chances.
The investigation took a few days, and by the end, she realized that she had to replace eighty-seven percent of her staff, and that was only if the other thirteen percent agreed to return. She groaned. She was working alone and had no idea how she was going to hire that many people, across so many different disciplines. She needed help, but she didn't know who she could ask. Everyone was gone.
Then she got an idea. It was far from her best ideas, but there wasn't much choice. She ventured to a part of the palace she had never visited; the Southstairs Dungeon.
There were many rumors surrounding the most feared prison in all of Oz. The Southstairs was a place where time seemingly didn't exist. It was so removed from the upper levels that it had its own rules and sense of existence. No one down here would have known about the coup, much less taken part in it.
"Your Ozness!" the warden gasped, standing at attention and saluting.
Elphaba nodded. "I'm looking for the Resistance Goat, Dr. Youminns Dillamond."
The warden looked surprised, but sobered when he saw Elphaba's expression change. "He's all the way back in the far left cell. I'd be honored to escort you."
"No. I can handle this alone."
The warden nodded and saluted as Elphaba left. She quickly found the cell and the prisoner in question. He sat in a corner, facing the wall, seemingly asleep. "Dr. Dillamond?"
The Goat stirred and turned, gasping as his eyes laid upon the last person he thought would be there. "Y-Your Ozness?" He quickly stood and bowed, his gaze resting on the floor, feeling unworthy to look at her. "I... I apologize for my appearance."
Elphaba regarded him. His glasses were crooked and balanced precariously on his nose. In the ripped pants and a tattered vest, it wasn't the image she thought of when Glinda used to speak of him, the great Doctor, at Shiz. Then again, that was a different time. "Dr. Dillamond," she said formally. "It's an honor to meet you."
The Goat looked up. "Honor?"
"Yes. You used to teach one of my… friends, Miss Glinda Upland. Do you remember her? She spoke very highly of you."
"I remember all my dear students. Miss Upland was particularly bright. Always had an... interesting take on my assignments."
Elphaba smiled. "I've come to ask you about your organization, The Resistance."
The Goat's eyes widened. "Your Ozness, I –"
"I want to help."
Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that. "I don't understand."
"A lot of things have been happening recently that I won't go into detail about at this moment. But I've come to realize that there are two sides to every story, and once I learned about the Animals, I realized you've been misrepresented."
"I know The Resistance has been painted in a bad light. Our original ideology has been corrupted over the years. Our original plan was to peacefully protest the Animal Banns. But when the police came to suppress us, things quickly turned violent, and our members' perspectives changed. I don't know what's been going on since I came down here, but I apologize for whatever trouble it's caused you."
Elphaba frowned. It wasn't just 'trouble' it's caused her. It was her, Fiyero, Glinda, all of Oz. The old Goat wouldn't know the full extent. "I've learned that the Resistance shouldn't bear all the fault for everything. If I agree to help, can I trust you?"
"Yes, Your Ozness. We'd be honored."
"No, you don't understand." She turned serious. "I need to be certain that I can trust not just you, but all the Animals and everyone involved in the Resistance."
He matched her somberness and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
"Thank you, Doctor," Elphaba nodded.
Dr. Dillamond bowed and watched as the queen made her way out. He didn't know what had just happened, but knew that it would somehow work in his favor, and the favor of Animals all across Oz.
Fiyero groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. His pain medication was beginning to wear off, and it felt like his stomach was being torn in two. Though, when he thought about it, that's essentially what happened that got him into this situation.
Fully awake and alert (mostly because of the pain), he moved to reach over for the call button, but the sight of someone in his room stopped him. He turned and inhaled sharply. "Your Ozness?"
Elphaba stood by the doorway, nervously fidgeting and looking scared, but once she noticed Fiyero was awake and looking at her, she quickly changed her posture. "Fiyero. No, don't move. It's alright," she added when Fiyero tried to push himself up more.
"I'm glad you're alright," Fiyero smiled as Elphaba came in and sat next to his bed. "I was worried about you."
She didn't know if she could call herself 'alright', but she was alive, and that's probably what he meant. "You got shot and you were worried about me?"
"Honestly, at first, I didn't even realize I was shot. I felt a burning sensation in my stomach. It was only when I saw the blood that I realized what had happened."
"I'm sorry."
"I was doing my job."
"Your job almost got you killed because of me."
"It's not your fault."
She shook her head. "Yes, it is. You don't have to lie to me. I've already accepted it." She took a deep breath. "Weren't you frightened?" she asked in a small voice.
He smirked. "Frightened? You're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of danger, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe," he said dramatically, then coughed and winced. "I was petrified. I knew you were, too. And it's my job to protect you. In the Gale Force, we're trained to keep a level head in all situations, even ones where our lives are in danger."
"How are you feeling now?"
"Better. It takes a lot more to take me down. I'm like a brick wall. The doctor said I can go home tomorrow. But I've missed having other people to talk to, rather than just the doctors and nurses. Glinda came to see me before she went home, but I was so out of it, I barely remember."
"I should have come," Elphaba whispered. "I should have come sooner. I wanted to. Or at least, I think I did."
"You think you did?"
"I… I was feeling… everything and nothing at the same time. I couldn't focus, I couldn't do anything. I haven't even been in my room since…"
"I understand."
"I thought I could fight. I wanted to fight. But I was a timid coward."
"No, you weren't a coward. You are the strongest person I know. Everything was happening so fast, neither of us had much time to do any rational thinking."
"Do you regret not fighting for your throne?"
The question came out of nowhere, catching both of them off guard.
"I'm sorry," Elphaba immediately apologized, clasping her hand over her mouth. "That was very insensitive. I'm so sorry, Fiyero."
"I could have fought. It would have been me against the entire army and government, but I still could have fought. But I knew that if I did, they would have killed me. I thought of biding my time, but the longer I waited, the less motivated I became. My parents were far from being perfect monarchs, but they did their best to listen to the people. And the people spoke loud and clear that day. I'm just glad that didn't happen with you."
"Even though it didn't kill me, it got me to shut my mouth for a while. I suppose that's what they wanted. I was always outspoken, whether it was expected of me or not."
"How fast do people expect you to bounce back? You survived a coup and faced the ultimate betrayal. That's a lot."
"I convinced myself that I no longer wanted a lot of people around me. I couldn't handle it. I wanted to be alone for a while. But I don't want to be lonely, and that's exactly what I am." She didn't remember feeling Fiyero take her hand, but when she looked down, their hands were clasped together. She almost pulled away, not being used to physical contact in weeks, but there was something about Fiyero's touch that comforted her.
"Are you going to be alright?" she asked after a long pause. "By yourself, when you go home tomorrow, I mean."
"I have to go home tomorrow. Hospital stays are expensive."
"That's not what I meant."
Fiyero shot her a questioning look.
"Because I… if you feel up to it, I would like to invite you to stay at the palace. It's still pretty empty, other than the guards outside and the limited number I allow inside, and three maids are scheduled to return tomorrow, but it's still better than being lonely and I don't want you to be lonely when you're still recovering."
"I appreciate that, Your Ozness, but –"
"Please come!"
He clearly heard the desperation in her voice. He knew she wasn't trying to sound selfish, and he did admit, being home alone wasn't his ideal situation, and he didn't have any family he could stay with. "Thank you. I appreciate the gesture, and I accept."
Elphaba nodded. "I'll have a cab come pick you up tomorrow morning. I should get going now. I've overstayed visiting hours, but who's going to kick out the Queen of Oz? And don't worry about the bill. I'll cover it. It's the least I can do."
Fiyero chuckled his thanks, then winced as it aggravated his wound. Elphaba smiled sympathetically and left the corporal to get some rest.
