Chapter Fifteen

Talk and Walk


"Alistair is your mate then?" Aedan looked highly amused.

I looked away, "Let's get moving; we need to get to the Tower and save my other mate from torture."

Alistair frowned, "You don't want to talk about it?"

"You don't want to talk about it – you still need time to think this through; when you come to the choice to reject me, make it quick – that's all I ask. If it gets drawn out…"

"You're so sure he's going to reject you…" Lyna frowned. I inclined my head, "Why wouldn't he? Now let's go."

Sereda hauled off and slapped me. I froze – how long had it been since someone had felt the need to do that? I tilted my head, "Explain – because I assume you have a damn good reason for raising a hand to me outside the sparring ring."

"Alistair likes you more than a fair bit, you dolt. He thought you genuinely liked Hawke – so he thought he might… look, you didn't say he was your mate – and you said you had two… three now. How is he supposed to compare with soul-mates? So he didn't act on it – because he thought he had no chance. So why do you actually think he would reject you?"

I tilted my head, "He… didn't show any care, Sereda. Besides – I'm mated to Anduin now; even if it wasn't my intention, I am essentially married. Alistair won't make a move knowing that. So what if Dragons have anywhere between 1-8 mates at a time – Alistair was raised in a system where it's mostly 1-1 only. He's the jealous type when he's actually with a woman, so he'd make me choose… and while I might have chosen him over my other two mates before, I can't now. Once a mating is solidified, it can't be taken back. Anduin and I are linked – bound by soul. So if you really think he'd still pursue me knowing all of this… but at the same time, Loyalty is my fatal flaw – I know that. I would do literally anything to save those I am loyal to – and on top of that, I can't see myself with more than one partner, mate or spouse or what have you. It feels so disloyal to me even though that is how my people are. And sure – some of that view comes from being snubbed and rejected over and over for thousands of years; but why shouldn't it?"

"Snubbed and rejected… why were you…?" Lyna frowned.

A disgusted scoff left my lips and I shook my head, "Isn't it so obvious, Lyna? Elves in Azeroth are over 7 feet tall – I'm 5'3. Elves in Azeroth are all beautiful and thin and perfectly proportioned – I'm fat, plain and covered in these damn spots. I am covered in tattoos – and those were a choice that I knew would take away from any supposed beauty I had, but I wanted to have something to remember all of it. I've been told enough times that I was worthless that I know how people perceive me. I worked my ass off for centuries to prove I could lead armies; I worked hard for my abilities in magic, weaponry, trades, and languages. Do you know it took me 623 years to see myself as anything more than a fat, useless pig even though I limited my food intake and worked out for several hours every day? My cousins father – my uncle Malfurion Stormrage – would drill it into my head each morning that if I wanted to eat more than the dieting smoothie he would serve me that I should lose some weight and stop being such a drain on his resources. I started hunting for my own food at 16 when I managed to finally carve my own damn bow from the cut horns of my dragon form – that's the bow I use the most. Elune, but those horns bled so much when I managed to cut them away – but I was starving."

"I-I…" Sereda looked guilty – but the storm had come and it showed no signs of slowing as I ranted, "I may have never gained any more weight after reaching what I'm at now, but I never lost any either. No one in Azeroth would look at me – and it took me so damn long to realize that it wasn't my weight or looks that by the time I did learn that, I was conditioned into thinking my looks were the worst in Azeroth. My first marriage was arranged – she was in the process of dissolving our marriage because she had fallen in love with someone else. I wasn't going to hold her back; I just died before the divorce was final. Kayn broke it off with me after he got out of the prison because he heard I'd moved on – he didn't know I thought he'd been dead."

Daylen yanked me into a hug. I stiffened, not sure what to do. My words died on my tongue. I looked around in confusion, "I am being… hugged…"

Sten spoke, "You find yourself unworthy?"

"In some aspects, I suppose… but I know I am worthy of leading us to victory."

Daylen said, "Take me as your Familiar, Tara – you need someone to feed on regularly or this Blight might not go as smoothly as you hope it will. Look – if any of us had this… affliction, you'd offer in a heartbeat."

"Of course I would – I already have sexy dreams about all of you," I quipped back.

Alistair gave a strangled laugh. Aedan gave a smirk, "Yeah – and I'm sure we all have dreams about you too. So pick one of us, damn it – or we'll put it to a vote."

"A vote?" I asked.

"She said Vote – all in favor of Alistair?" Aedan jumped right into it. "Wait – that isn't what…"

Sten, Lyna, Aedan, Sereda and Leliana all raised their hands. Aedan nodded, "All in favor of Daylen?"

Daylen and Morrigan both raised their hands. I flushed, "I can't take Alistair – I can't. He's… I won't drink from an innocent!"

"So fix that," Aedan shoved me toward Alistair. The Templar caught me with a flush before I whirled, "You don't get it, do you? He was raised in the chantry – he was taught not to take that lightly! If he slept with me, it would be because he had come to care for me – not because he was told to just… do so. And yeah – I hold hope that he might eventually come to care; but he doesn't now. You also don't get what you're asking – if I sleep with Alistair, then he and I will essentially be married in the ways of the Dragon because I know damn well that Elune will do for him what the Light did for Anduin if Alistair doesn't meet the condition on his own… he is a Dragon, after all. Look – you can't just shove me at him and hope he'll take to it. I refuse to have a persons' first time be through the damn bite because the last person I did that with resented me."

"Who…?" Lyna asked softly.

"A person I cared for – and thought might… care for me. So no – I won't take from an innocent and especially not from a mate that is innocent."

I huffed and began walking in the direction I felt the tower might be in. Sten walked with me as the others all scrambled to pack up and catch up.

When they did, Daylen said, "So… I suppose this means I get to be your familiar?"

"No," I said firmly.

"You need to pick someone, Tara," Aedan sighed.

"… Just… please… drop this. I've only had one familiar – it's a two-way bond. I really don't want to make a Familiar of someone that isn't my lover or mate and I can't do that to Alistair while he's… can we just stop talking about it?"

"Then call Anduin back – he offered, he's your mate, and at the moment, he doesn't have anything pressing on, right?" Lyna pointed out.

I flushed, "I… well I mean… you aren't wrong – but… he's still High King of the Alliance – I can't just ask him to… play blood-bag for me…"

"Uh-huh – but he offered…" Sereda hummed.

"Look – it will be much harder for me to sweet talk Alistair into giving me a shot if my other mate is on the road with us and sharing my tent. Anduin knows that – that's why he didn't take me up on my offer to travel with us." I muttered.

Alistair was bright red. Aedan said, "Wait – even believing he's going to leave you in the dirt and reject you… you still plan to woo him?"

I nodded, "As I told Anduin – damn what anyone thinks of me, Mates are fucking sacred. We only get so many in our lifetimes and then… we are left to die alone if they pass before we do. I won't waste my life worrying about 'what if' – I plan to try to convince him to give me a chance. I'm rich enough to spoil him anyway." I had a sly grin at the last bit.

"Spoil…!" Alistair looked highly amused and embarrassed.

"… I thought you wanted to try all the unique and exotic cheeses of Azeroth," I smirked.

He laughed, "Well – that would do it alright; as you said – I have love of fine cheese and a minor obsession with my hair."

Sereda sniggered, "You have got to be kidding me… you'll let her court you… for cheese?"

"What can I say? I am a weak, weak man – I'll play along for cheese," he grinned.

I went red and looked away, "Fuck… don't say it like that or I'll be thinking of… just…"

"What?" Aedan asked – he caught the scent of a 'scandal'; damn nobles.

"So… if I go about things right and Alistair and I are… together then… there is an encounter that can happen with a slutty pirate in Denerim… and he uses that same damn line when agreeing to share a bed with the two of us," I coughed.

Alistair stumbled, "I what?"

"That… I mean… she's very sexy – and persuasive. Like I said – it would only happen if things progressed a certain way anyway, but you would… say that you were a 'weak, weak man and you would just have to play along' when accepting. So… ahem… it just made me… think of that… will you really allow me to court you?"

"I mean – how often do people really get soul-mates? We could… at least see where things go?"

I beamed – my heart fluttering and a new kick in my step.

Sten broke in – damn him, "I wish to know more about 'Eternal Ones' – you mentioned them before."

"We – and I use the term lightly since I wasn't raised as one or even really knew that I was one until recently – are caretakers; guardians of the afterlives. I know of 7 that can claim the title of 'Eternal One' – but only if we count me in that discussion. The first and most powerful would be the Arbiter – she that judges souls after they are brought from their lives and she who chooses which afterlife fits them. Kyrestia the Firstborn comes next – and no, I don't know why that is her title. She rules over Bastian – the Kyrian are ones who, in life, were selfless and dedicated to serving others. As you saw with Pelagos, Kyrian are blue skinned and blue haired with varying colors of light and sky colors for eyes; white, blue, gold and such."

"That kid was selfless, hmm?" Lyna looked curious.

"He was in life – I know not what he was called in life; only that he was once a woman. Kyrian are able to choose what their new body will look like when they progress far enough in their trials. The Kyrian are Soul-Guides – they come to realms of the living at the very moment of a persons' death and safeguard the soul to Oribos where the Arbiter will judge them. They are messengers, couriers, and some of the purest souls in the realm of death. When they ascend to take up their sacred duty, they gain the purest white wings. Aspirants venture through five temples and learn their virtues: Purity, Courage, Humility, Wisdom, and Loyalty – this is known as Five Rites each virtue has a Paragon and each Paragon has a Hand."

"They sound… magnificent." Sereda breathed.

"Next comes the Primus or Maldraxxus; the ones living there are the Army of the Shadowlands – and you will know them on sight as many look as though they were raised from the dead. Maldraxxus is home to the mighty. Those who strove for greatness in life may have the chance to find it in death. There are five Houses there – the house of the Chosen is where Champions go; those with no real… specialization… the House of Constructs is always looking to build the best soldiers with the parts from left over dead; the House of Eyes is the Spy Sect; the House of Plagues is always working on some new plague or poison; and the House of Rituals… I mean this is all obvious right? The Primus is the ruler there – is currently Missing, though. No one knows what happened to him – and if that doesn't tell you that we aren't all-knowing, then I don't know what will."

Sten nodded as though this was a given, "Go on."

"Right – I suppose next on the List is the Winter Queen from Ardenweald. She rules over the defenders of Nature – from the smallest mouse to the mightiest Druid. She is charged with the sacred task of maintaining the cycle of rebirth: restoring perished Wild Gods, Ancients, Loa, and other nature spirits and returning them to the mortal plane – no easy task. The Winter Queen is older than the others I think – hence why I don't know why Kyrestia was given the title of the 'Firstborn'. Reborn nature souls take a different form; to recover from their death, they are placed in a Wild-Seed – it looks… something like this and glows when there is a nurtured spirit in there. I'd… Ardenweald is one place I would love to see."

"It does sound… mystical," Daylen flushed. I nodded, "It is – if the Emerald Dream mirrors the spring and summer of life… Ardenweald is reflects life in its twilight. The realm is in constant twilight though it never gets completely dark… and the Heart of the Grove – the trees' crown encompasses the sky of the whole realm though it has no leaves."

"Maker – I'd like to go just to see such a place," Aedan muttered.

"Right – and Sire Denathrius is the 5th Eternal One; he rules the Venthyr in Revendreth. He is calculating and methodical… and one of the most powerful beings in the Shadowlands. Unfortunately, he's gone to the Dark Side – he's been corrupted by the very sins he swore to punish! No soul wishes to go to Revendreth – though it is still better than the Maw. If you were sent to Revendreth, it would be because you were prideful or have some other flaw that is too big to overlook. It is the duty of the Vampiric Venthyr to prepare the souls – through unimaginable torment. Torture, centuries of solitude, and being stripped of all that you are… those are the most notable things done to the prideful, arrogant or zealous souls there. Everyone has a sin-stone – a stone inscribed with every sin you've ever committed. Think of it like Tevinter – shit, no Venthyr document is official until it's excessively ornate. My Vampiric form is similar to the Venthyr."

"Er… the sin-stone thing…" Alistair began.

"Sin-stones are… gravestone-like manifestations of a given soul's accumulated burdens of their life. They appear when you get to Revendreth and have your true name and an account of your sins etched into them. Sinstones of powerful Venthyr tend to go 'missing', stolen for fear of their sinstone being used against them – being shamed with the sins you've overcome can be physically debilitating to a Venthyr. Some examples of the sins are as follows; Deserter; Traitor; Tyrant; Pride; Greed; Wrath; Discarding Empathy; Harming for Amusement; Supreme Arrogance; Kin-slaying even. There are more – but only those most foul end up there. For Example – Bhelen wouldn't go there even though he killed his brother and set up his sister, because he will redeem himself though his acts in leading the Dwarves away from extinction. Loghain won't go there – he was doing what he felt he had to do and could also be redeemed if not killed by the end of the Blight… I still intend to see him dead, because he persecuted the ones who did nothing wrong."

"And the 6th Eternal One?" Sten asked.

"Zovaal – the Jailer… lord of the Maw. Very little is known about him, since nothing has ever escaped the Maw before now. He was imprisoned there by the other Eternal Ones long ago. He is the singular master of the Maw: the realm continually alters and changes itself to his whims. The Maw is a horrific place that houses the most vile and irredeemable souls in existence. Normally, few souls are sent directly here, as even the most evil and prideful beings in existence are given a last chance to atone for their sins in Revendreth; but the Arbiter has been struck and is in a deep slumber… so all souls go there at the moment. None of you are allowed to die during this mess – I don't want to have to go jump back into the maw to rescue any of your sorry hides. Inas is doing what he can in rescuing all the lost noble souls, but I will personally hunt down each of you before giving you the tongue lashing of the century if I have to hunt for you in the fucking Maw – do I make myself clear? If I have to go back to that godless place, I will be livid. If I never go back it will be too damn soon – and I know I'll need to go back to save Jaina, Baine and Thrall. Fuck the Maw and Fuck Zovaal… preferably, fuck him with a rather large pole… sideways. Ugh."

"… You would kill Loghain… knowing he's redeemable… and that he'd be sent to the Maw?" Alistair whispered.

"Then I'd go haul his ass from the maw to stay in Oribos until the Arbiter wakes to deal with him. I won't condemn redeemable people to the Maw, Alistair; not even him."

Alistair shuddered, "And… if I said… I'd changed my mind about killing him… knowing what you've said?"

"Then he'll be a Grey Warden and save many lives over the next decade to atone for his mistakes – and he'd be stationed in Jader." I quipped.

"Right… He'd hate that," Alistair gave a wan smile. I chuckled, "But it would help him in the long run – he'd end up giving up his life to save a small group of people that are trying to save the world."

"… Then we'll let him live. I… I can't condemn a man to eternal torment knowing he was doing what he thought was right…" Alistair sighed.

"What about Howe?" Aedan asked.

"Fuck Howe – with a cactus," I snipped back.

Laughter abounded and I saw Aedan relax. Howe would have gone to Revendreth – no doubts there – and eventually… maybe be redeemed? But with how Revendreth was now, there was no chance for him.

"And you… what are you a sovereign of?" Morrigan asked.

I sighed, "I don't… know. The Overseers didn't mention it – in fact… they looked surprised to see an Eternal One outside an Afterlife so… for all I know, I never had a chance to create my Afterlife before I was ripped away from that to be a human girl on Earth. That would mean that I didn't have an Afterlife to care for… but Zovaal… he recognized me. He knew me on sight of my Eternal Form. He called me Sister – like Denarius is his brother… so… I had to have an Afterlife… right?"

Leliana hummed, "We may never know."

"Shit – I hope this isn't one of those things that doesn't have an answer… I'll be pissed."

Sten said, "What are your limitations?"

I laughed, "I can't stay in that super-powerful form for more than 10 minutes if I'm not properly fed or I'll die. The sun drains my magic because I have to have a shield to keep from burning. I can't eat beets – super allergic. I have to eat regularly for a lot of reasons. Iron hurts me – werewolf allergy… it used to be silver, not Iron, but… eh. If I'm wolfed out, Iron will do more damage than anything else. My senses are super sensitive – pepper up the nose will keep me down for several minutes and bright lights are fucking killer on my head. Keep the Deep Mushrooms away from me – they smell like poison to my immune system. If I view someone as family, I won't attack them even if they attack me, but if they remove themselves from my family list, all bets are off. Shall I continue?"

Alistair coughed, "You're just going to list your weaknesses to the Qunari?"

"He needs to know I'm not invulnerable or his mission changes, Alistair. He'd look for a way to kill me because I'd be a threat to the Qun."

"You have sons," Sten stated.

"Twin boys – as stated. If you go after them, I will kill you faster than you can say Nehraa Qun. If you so much as look at them with anything other than disinterest, I will gut you like the deer I killed the second night you were with us."

"… Understood," he said.

"Wow – you're that protective of your adult sons?" Lyna asked.

"They're still young – only 4,000 years old… and I haven't been able to do much for them – I owe them for that."

"Maker – if you see them as young then what do you see me as?" Alistair flushed.

"My mate," I replied, "And age has no bearing on that so long as you're over the age of 18 – and you are. Elves are Long-Lived – it isn't uncommon for the oldest to be 70-80 thousand years old before dying of old age. Looking at it like that, my boys are only like… teenagers."

"How long were you considered your uncles' Ward?" Leliana asked.

I frowned, "I still am his ward… technically. Things are a bit looser since I took control of the Illidari when my Father took up his mantle as 'The Jailer of Sargeras' but… 15,000 is when I gain 'adulthood' as an elf. In other words… my boys should still be under my care… I should still be their guardian if they need me. And the biggest slap to the face… I shouldn't have been able to bear kids that young. 10,000 is when an Elf reaches sexual maturity for reproduction – biologically that is. Before then, it's all just fun and games. This means that something is different about my biology as an elf – when Inas finally puts those pieces together, I will receive a worried lecture about it. So… yeah; Elf biology is the weirdest in Azeroth. We descended from the Trolls, so you would think… but no – it's the Elves that are weirder than anything else."

We walked in silence for a while… and Alistair made sure to walk close to me. he flushed each time he glanced at me, but… it felt really comfortable.

We didn't end up making it all the way to the Tower that day – too much time had been taken during the… scene with Anduin that morning.

When we did make camp, it was a mere two hours to the docks but it was too dark to continue on.

Alistair pulled me aside – and I could see the curious glances from the rest of the party about it…

I flushed, "You… wanted to talk with me?" I don't think the poor man realized he had me pinned to a tree far enough away from the camp that they wouldn't hear me if we got… amorous.

"The thing with Hawke… was only to test me?" he asked.

I looked away, "I… I'm used to people rejecting me. Hawke noticed that I had it bad for you and… we took matters into our own hands to… push you into making your intentions known. He was so sure you would look up and glare at him every five minutes during dinner that one night – but you didn't… you didn't seem to really care at all and you looked… I felt that it looked as though you merely wondered how he could hold my weight in his lap without breaking. It was a look of disgust. And that's what our fight was about – he kept insisting that you felt something and that I was just being stubborn. But you… you showed no interest… at all. I was feeling… rejected when I went to my other house. And he had said he wouldn't… you have to understand, Alistair – I'm old. I'm used to mortals displaying their intent even subtly – you didn't. You said not a word, gave no indication at all that you were… interested in… me."

He brought a hand up – having ditched his armored gloves back at camp – and pressed it to my cheek to get me to look at him, "I… you have visions and… surely you knew the kind of man I would be. You had to know… that I would swallow all my feelings for the people I care about to be happy."

"I also knew you were the Jealous type and that if you knew I had more than one person I'd be pursuing… you wouldn't go for it." I sighed.

He snorted, "I admit – I am jealous of Anduin and I would… likely be jealous of Cullen too. But these feelings… Maker, these feelings are so strong. All I want to do is pull you into my arms and kiss you and… other things…" he was brightly flushed, "I er… shouldn't have added that part."

I gripped him by the armor collar and yanked him down to kiss him. He was stunned for a moment before his other arm – the one not on my cheek – came around my waist to hold me closer.

When he pulled back, his forehead rested on mine as we both breathed heavily. I bit my lip, "That… I mean… was that too soon, Alistair? I know you're not… I wouldn't want to push you too far, too soon…"

He scoffed, "I think I'll need more testing – just to be sure, you know. We may not have known each other long, but these feelings are very intense. Do you think it's the bond of being Soul-Mates?"

I thought for a moment, "Honestly? Not really – most dragons take 40-50 years of just courting before moving on to mating and nesting. And you and I are both Dragons… your family is Dragon Blooded…"

He hummed – I take it that Sten must have filled him in more about the Qun tales of Calenhad. "Well – I am willing to give this… relationship… a try. I do feel a bit… jealous of the other two men – Anduin in particular since he is already mated to you and he wouldn't be if I had manned up and acted on my feelings before. I have no one to blame but myself for your relationship with Anduin progressing."

I snorted, "You don't quite get it… even if I hadn't bedded Anduin, the Light would have bound us as mates as a reward for Anduins' faith in the face of the Maw. I would have known the moment I opened my eyes in Oribos, laying in his lap, that we were suddenly mates when we hadn't been before. I would have pursued him then – as I told him, damn what anyone thinks; I will never abandon my mates. Mates are sacred and precious to Dragons. Maybe when we're more secured in our relationship, I'll tell you exactly why that is. For now… let's enjoy the time we have together."

"You make it sound like… like we won't last."

"You have to be King, Alistair… Ferelden… wouldn't look kindly on me as your lover." I sighed.

"Stuff what they think – you're a Queen in your own right; a racial Queen and the High Queen of the Alliance of Azeroth. It'd be a powerful alliance and if they don't see that then… stuff what they think." He snorted.

I flushed and pulled him in for another kiss – because… it was hot that he would stand up for us even 'unhardened'.