Intimacy
Edward
My body froze at the sight of her, almost naked before me. I hitched in an unnecessary breath, a thousand thoughts flitting through my brain in that moment, but one thought stood out from the rest, and it was one of disbelief.
She wants me.
I watched her wordlessly as she wrung the cotton top nervously between her hands before dropping it to the ground. I stood, staring spastically, as her chest heaved with her nervous breaths before she stepped closer to me, and gently guided one of my hands to her bare breast. I gasped in shock, and finally looked up from her hypnotizing body to meet her shining brown eyes.
"Bella, Love. We don't need to rush this..."
She smiled. "After what we've been through, do you really think it's possible for us to go back to holding hands?"
I smiled sadly, immediately understanding her point. Her voice dropped a little, growing husky as she arched herself into the pressure of my fingers.
"How long has it been, Edward? How long since we were intimate with each other?"
I didn't need to hesitate - the answer to that was something that updated itself automatically in my brain every day. I remembered with graphic detail the last time I had touched her, the last time we had kissed, the last time we had made love on the island.
"One hundred and fifty three days..."
She smiled sadly and nodded, clearly both a little amused and a little distressed that I had kept track of the numbers.
"I don't really want to get to One hundred and fifty four... Do you?"
Bella
The shimmering molten gold desire in Edward's eyes was all the answer I needed. His long, pale cold fingers moved against my skin in gentle reverence... ghosting across my breast then down, brushing my ribcage as he wound his arm around me and pulled my body against his, claiming my lips in what was possible the sweetest, most tender kiss we had ever shared. His lips lingered against mine, brushing against them again and again, his tongue dancing and tangling with mine between our open mouths. I sighed, then smiled a little as I heard him deliberately inhale my expelled breath, enjoying the taste of it.
I pushed his jacket off his shoulders, letting it join my top on the ground... but when I started to work at his shirt buttons he stilled my hands, and shot a tentative glance over towards the crib by the bed.
"I should move her into the nursery, Love. I'll still hear her if she wakes. And I need to get something."
I nodded, then watched as he sped to the bassinet, lifting the whole thing easily - baby and all - and carried it out of the room. Two seconds later he was back, and resumed his position in front of me, his beautiful crooked grin shining down at me.
"What did you need to get?"
He raised a hand to cup my cheek, and I automatically pressed into his caress, happily accepting the sweet kisses that he rained across down my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, before brushing lightly against my lips. I sighed, and had all but forgotten my question by the time he replied.
"Just something to protect you, my love."
At my confused look, he pulled a small, foil square packet out of his pocket. I arched an eyebrow at him.
"Will that work? I mean, won't the venom just eat straight through it?"
He shook his head. "Apparently not. Rose makes Emmett use one when she doesn't want to deal with the mess."
I blushed deep red, bowing my head a little in embarrassment, before I met his gaze again with narrowed eyes.
"Did you talk to Emmett about this?"
I was surprised that my voice sounded hurt, then I realized I wasn't feeling hurt... I was pissed. How dare he assume that this would happen just because we had some time alone? Did he think I was that easy?
He laughed softly, stroking my cheek.
"No love. I've heard him complaining about it in his head. Honestly, it was information I didn't think I would ever need to use. I never dreamed that you would take me back. I still can't believe that you have forgiven me."
I stopped then, and took a step back, my hand firmly on his chest.
"No Edward... I haven't."
He hung his head in shame, but not before I caught the very confused and hurt look on his beautiful face.
"You misunderstand me; Edward... let me make this entirely clear to you."
I stepped forward, reaching out to him, and led him by his hand to the bed. I suddenly felt self conscious being practically naked for this discussion... but I needed him to understand this before we could move on.
"I understand your reasons, Edward. I know why you took her out of me. In spite of everything that happened I still love you... I have a feeling that I always will, but I want you to understand that I can't and I won't ever forgive you for killing her, or for betraying me. This isn't forgiveness Edward, but I don't want to think of it as weakness either - it's a second chance. If you can prove that you have changed and that you are willing to try again, then I am too. You own my heart. For a long time, I thought my heart had died when she did, but apparently, it's still there - Rosalice has proven that - and it still belongs to you."
With those words his arms came around me in a desperate embrace, his cheek pressed firmly against my left breast... and I knew he was listening to my heart beat.
"I don't deserve you, Bella."
I pressed my tear streaked cheek against his hair, knowing that he could feel, and possibly smell, my tears, but I didn't care.
"Well you're stuck with me... for now, anyway."
His arm snaked around my waist and lifted me easily against him, as he pushed us up the bed so that my head was resting on the pillow, and he was on one elbow leaning above me as he looked deep into my eyes.
"I told you, we will find a way, Love. I have changed, and I promise I won't ever let any harm come to you or Rosie... but I can't ever lose you again. We will find a way for this to work."
The sincerity and determination in his eyes was obvious, but it was still overshadowed by the deep love for me that swam in their golden depths. I was mesmerized by his proximity... his words, his love, his scent... and I suddenly couldn't remember what we had even been talking about.
He saw, or possibly felt, my shift in mood, and pushed himself back a little as my hands fluttered to his shirt, quickly undoing the buttons, and pushing the offending material back off his arms, freeing his perfect body before they moved to the button on his pants, desperate to have his bare skin against mine.
His fingers gracefully played my body like his piano, starting slowly, exploring all my delicate places intimately, making me moan his name and sigh with pleasure. Soon his mouth joined in, carefully drawing my skin between his lips, lavishing attention on my nipples, and down my ribcage... but he stopped when he got to the ugly thin red scar across my belly. He touched it with his finger, making my breath quicken with emotion as I suddenly found myself fighting to hold back my tears, then he pressed a kiss against it. He lifted his head to meet my eyes, self hatred plastered all over his face.
"I'm so sorry."
I could see it there, in his eyes; in his soul. He would never hurt me again... no matter what.
"I'm sorry too, Edward."
I couldn't bear it any more. I needed him inside me. I needed him to erase this pain. I gripped him by his upper arms and pulled his body up against mine, capturing his lips with all the passion, love and hurt that I had in me. I fumbled under the pillow for the silver packet, but he had already beaten me to it, without even breaking our desperate kiss.
Edward
I could smell the overpowering scent of her increasing arousal between her legs... and for me; it was even more intoxicating than that of her blood... because this was for me. I was allowed to cause it, I was allowed to have it... and it was all mine. The thought of that... combined with the scent of her was making my venom flood my mouth in expectation.
I quickly shed my last item of clothing, my fingers fumbling for the first time ever with the strange little alien device that would protect my love from another tragic pregnancy... it felt like it was too thin to be at all effective... but I knew from the dozens of times I had taken sex education in high school that these things worked. If I didn't have complete faith in that, there is no way I would have risked this ever again. For as much as I longed to be reunited with my Bella... as much as I yearned for the feel of her soft, warm and wet, surrounding me... I would not risk her life again. I would never, ever again allow myself to impregnate her.
Her soft hands interrupted my own as she took over, smoothing the condom down my shaft with her delicate fingers, and I growled deep in my throat at the overwhelming pleasure I got just from her fingers touching me there. I leaned down, pressing another soft kiss to her belly as I hooked my thumbs over the sides of her panties, sliding them gently down her legs and marvelling again at the beauty and perfection of her as she lay unashamedly naked before me, her legs slightly bent and parted in invitation.
My erection grew impossibly harder at the sight of her wet, warm pink folds, glistening with the dew of her arousal, and I carefully leaned into her, putting my pressure on my elbows and ensuring my teeth were well covered by my lips as I drew my tongue in a long, deep lick, right up the length of her sex.
I was instantly heady with the sensation... the taste of her sweet nectar... and while I could quite happily have sipped the juices from her body for the rest of my existence, I sensed that she needed more than just an orgasm... I could hopefully explore my new culinary interest in her flavour another time.
I moved up her body, sliding my skin against hers, listening to her moans of gratification as I traced tiny circles around her tingling clitoris with my fingertip, spreading her moisture fully before I would enter her. She gripped my torso with both hands, attempting to support me above her, her eyes needy and desperate, and I wouldn't deny her any longer. I slid my body against her, supporting myself on my knees as I marvelled at the sight of her laying there, spread before me... her skin pebbling, her nipples tight and hard, and I couldn't help but groan in relief as I slowly, and so tenderly slid just the tip of myself inside her.
Bella
I tried so hard to lie still as he began to enter me, but I knew my control wouldn't last very long. I gasped as I felt him advance just another inch and bit my bottom lips at the feel of his thick, hard erection parting my folds so deliciously. God it felt so good to have this with him again.
I looked up into his eyes... they were hooded in intense concentration, but when he felt mine on him he seemed to snap out of his trance, and he met my gaze and smiled, that sweet, beautiful crooked smile that I loved... before his lips met mine in a gentle kiss.
I slid my thighs open a little bit wider beneath him, trying to encourage him without words to just sink into me. But I knew my Edward, he would sooner die than risk hurting me... what I don't think he realized was that I was about to die from anticipation. I loved him, and I wanted to make love to him... but not an inch at a time. I needed more.
When I anchored my legs around the back of his thighs, Edward gave me a bit of a strange look, but I don't think he knew what to do. Yet another thing that I had always loved about him was his innocence.
"Flip us over, Edward. I want to be on top."
I almost laughed when his eyes practically bulged out of his head at my request, but he did as I asked, carefully rolling us so that his back was on the bed and I was hovering above him... his hands securely holding my hips to keep me up above him, his tip still only barely inside me.
Sitting down, straddling him, he took my mouth again while his fingers worked their way slowly up my ribcage, cupping my breasts in his gentle hands before he lowered his mouth and sucked my dark nipples, first one and then the other. I threw my head back, thrusting my breasts upwards towards his face as I reached down and took his hands off my body, entwining our fingers and holding his gaze as I placed my knees beside his hips, and slowly but completely lowered my body down on top of his... surrounding him completely.
"Holy shit Bella..." he cried out in surprise; our reversed position allowed us to go deeper than we ever had on our honeymoon.
I started to move against him, loving the way we fit together, as if he was made for me, and I for him. I remembered the first time I had ever seen all of him, and the panic I'd felt, thinking that he was too big for me. I'd imagined that that part of him inside me would hurt like hell; I had no concept of how much I would grow to crave the pleasure he could bring me with his lovemaking. I could feel him deep, deep inside me, his tip pressing against my limit, and I hissed in sudden pleasure of being so fully filled by him.
'My husband.'
I smiled at the delight that thought gave me. He was mine again... and I was his.
I began to rock back and forth... slowly at first, enjoying each movement and each flick of the tip of his shaft against my cervix, but as I felt my pleasure growing I couldn't help but increase the pace. Edward sat up, leaning back against the headboard, and raised his knees a little so I was sitting in his lap, my legs crossed around his back as he caressed my skin and my hair, placing wet, gentle kisses all over my shoulders and neck.
I rode him slowly, loving the way he filled me completely, then rising up until he was almost out and carefully lowering myself along the length of him, again and again. We made love slowly and deliberately, enjoying being joined together, kissing and caressing each other. He was inside me for what felt like hours, I didn't care, I never grew tired of him, or he of me.
My mind swam in the headiness of how right this felt... being entangled with this man in this most intimate of lover's embraces, but I didn't feel the need to attempt to rush towards my climax. I just wanted to enjoy the feeling of him inside me for as long as I could. We moved together; our breaths mingled, our hands touching and caressing every available inch of skin - leaving no part of our bodies unsatisfied, and eventually the spasms and tingles that he continually sent through my entire being spiralled down... following my pulsing veins and the instructions of every tingling nerve ending in my body and sent its energy towards that tight, hard little bud at my core that my lover kept rubbing against with every forward thrust. I cried out as I felt my pleasure shooting through me, and I could feel my muscles clenching tightly around his thick, glorious shaft as my orgasm hit me like a truck. My whole body quivering with the intensity of it and I cried out his name at the exact moment that his body stiffened, and he joined me in the ecstasy of our release as he finally came inside me, into the protective sheath of the condom. I rested my head on his shoulder, exhausted, as he lay back on the bed, bringing me to lie down with him.
We lay together, both not wanting to be the one to separate our bodies. I didn't even realize straight away that I was crying... not until I felt his gentle fingers wiping away my tears, and I looked up into his concerned eyes.
"Did I hurt you?"
I shook my head quickly in response, then pulled his mouth to mine for a deep kiss... trying to abate my tears with the thrill of having him close again.
"No... I'm ... just... I'm happy... that I've got you back. God, I missed you so much, Edward. I needed you to comfort me through the pain of losing her, but I wanted too much to hate you. I was so confused."
"So was I, love. I thought that I would rather have you alive and hating me, than dead because of what I had put inside you, but I know that it wasn't my choice to make. I couldn't understand how you could love something that was killing you..." he hesitated, his eyes ashamed... and hurt.
"I couldn't understand why you loved her more than you loved me."
I almost cried out with indignation, pushing off him so I could sit up beside him on the bed.
"Edward, No... that wasn't it. I didn't love her more than I love you. I loved her - I wanted her because she was a part of you that we both never dreamed would ever be possible. I loved that I was able to bear your child, and give you something that would so obviously make you and your family so happy... if I could just live through the hard part. You all have given me so much... giving you Renesmee would have been my way of giving something back.
"If she hadn't been a part of you, I wouldn't have even wanted her. Edward, you have to know that. I never wanted to be a mother to just any baby... it was only because she was yours."
He looked at me, still confused, and shook his head slightly, obviously trying to comprehend my words.
"Well love, if that's true... then what about Rosalice? She's human. She's not part of me..."
I didn't let him finish. I already knew where he was headed.
"She's not a part of you physically, Love, but she is your salvation. She brought you back to me. She made me realize what your motives had been all along... she brought us back together."
I reached down into my bottom drawer, and pulled out the small gift that I'd been hiding there since the night Edward brought Rosalice into our lives.
"I got some thing for you for Christmas Edward, but after what happened with Rosalice, I felt stupid every time I thought of giving it to you, because I felt that it no longer applied."
"Never feel stupid, my love. For you, it's impossible."
I smiled at his interruption and then continued on from where I had been. "I felt it no longer applied because you seem to have come to the right conclusion all by yourself... but now I want you to have it so that you will always remember how strong you are, to have pulled yourself out of that depression."
I held the small box out towards him, and his eyes widened in surprise. His intrigued smirk graced his lips as he gently opened the black velvet lid to reveal the thin silver chain, with a small delicate pendant. He picked it up, examining the charm.
"St Jude?" He cocked his head, questioning my choice.
I replied softly, sliding my hand into his open palm as I spoke.
"He's the patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes. I bought it just after Jasper and I saw you on Christmas Eve. I thought it might help you recover."
He lifted our joined hands to his lips and kissed each of my knuckles individually before bringing his other arm around me to lie me back down on the bed.
"Thank you, my Love. You're right... it's perfect."
I smiled happily up at him as he lowered his mouth to my breast, carefully taking just the tip of my nipple between his lips and sucking on it, making me cry out... making me shiver.
"But this does leave us with a small problem, you know?"
I shook my head. No, I did not know, nor did I particularly care right now... not if he was going to continue to do that with his mouth. He slid his body back up against mine, and I could feel the rigid length of his granite erection pressed against my thigh. With effort, I peeled my eyes open to meet his cheeky grin.
"I don't have a gift for you... so how will I ever repay you?"
I groaned deep in my chest as his gentle, talented fingers skimmed lightly over the sensitive skin on the inside of my thighs. My body quivered and my legs automatically parted a few inches to give him access to where I wanted him to be.
"Hmmm... I can think of a couple of ways." He let out a small growl as he allowed one of his fingers to dip inside my wetness. I whimpered in response.
"Wow, right now I really wish you could read my mind."
He chuckled gently as his mouth again lowered to my breast and I made one final conscious decision before my brain shut down completely; to just give him free rein.
He was a smart boy... I was sure he could figure it out on his own.
