Chapter 19
"Why must he continually make such a nuisance of himself," Lydia moaned, throwing herself on one of the beds. "He cannot think we enjoy entertaining him twice a year and now a third visit? It is too much."
"Lydia, he is our cousin and moreover he hopes to create an even closer connection. It is only natural he would want to visit more often," Mary was ostensibly answering Lydia's complaint, but her eyes stayed on Elizabeth.
"But I don't understand why father with news of the visit he also told us he thought you best suited to tend Jane. These things seem unrelated, but it is Papa. I am guessing they are not?
Elizabeth was almost proud of Kitty for her scepticism and insight. Almost, because her nascent curiosity meant Elizabeth had to answer her. She looked at her sisters and considered what to say. Although they had all grown closer over the past few years she had never fully shed her self-contained tendencies. She hoped to protect them from some of the unpleasantness she was exposed to and allow them to continue in blissful ignorance about others.
"You might not realize it, as he rarely speaks of it all, but Papa is not in favour of the match with Mr. Collins." All three sisters looked as if this was a surprise to them and Elizabeth wondered if it was a mistake to take them into her confidence. Thankful that her father had been circumspect in this at least, she decided they would learn some but not all of the story with regard to Mr. Collins, a few chapters perhaps. "He does not think we suit. In addition, he knows Mr. Collins has been keen to formalize our arrangement and make plans for a wedding." That was true enough. "Therefore, I think perhaps this was his way of suggesting I stay here and avoid that gentleman for the time being, should I desire it."
Kitty nodded thoughtfully while Mary and Lydia seemed to be considering a response to Elizabeth's revelation.
"And do you?" Mary asked.
"Do I?"
"Do you wish to avoid Mr. Collins?"
Three sets of eyes regarded Elizabeth. She knew that each of her sisters were curious about the state of her relationship with Mr. Collins. She also knew their desire to know more was not simply curiosity but a concern for her well-being. This knowledge made her more forthcoming that she might have wanted to be.
"I do," she confessed. "I know that I will not be able to avoid him entirely, nor do I truly wish to, however, I would, in all honesty, like to put off our reunion for a time."
Mary, Lydia and Kitty nodded.
"Then you should stay," Kitty offered. "I will return with Lydia and you and Mary can stay and nurse Jane."
"Are you certain, Kitty?" Elizabeth asked. "You seemed eager to stay earlier."
"I was happy to be of use, that is true," she agreed. "However, I do wish to be able to visit the Wilsons tomorrow morning. You know their daughters as well as Mrs. Wilson's mother have been ill, and I wish to determine what their needs are."
"Kitty, you are a dear," Elizabeth rose from her chair and pulled Kitty from her own seat on the bed into her embrace. "We could all learn from your goodness and devotion to the people of Longbourn."
Although she blushed at this and claimed she deserved no such praise, her sisters could see Kitty was happy to be recognized.
"Not to interrupt this wonderful moment," Lydia said, "but I am certain Mr. Collins will be more desirous of your company than ours. Will he not think it strange you choose to stay away?"
"Actually, I doubt it will be an issue," Elizabeth sighed. Once again Elizabeth thought about how much to tell her sisters. Once again, she settled on some but not all. "I imagine this unplanned visit is intended to formalize our engagement. In order to do that Mr. Collins will want Father's attention not mine."
At this Kitty and Lydia laughed, but Mary looked thoughtful. They all knew how foolish such an approach was. Not only would such a plan be ill-advised in winning Elizabeth's regard, but Mr. Bennet would never force his daughter's hand. In the two years he had been acquainted with their family Mr. Collins had yet to glean this important and rather obvious dynamic.
"In addition," Elizabeth continued, "Mr. Collins knows how close Jane and I are." At this declaration she did feel some guilt. She had been willing to leave Jane in the care of their other sisters only an hour earlier in order to avoid . . . because she thought it best for other reasons. In truth she would have stayed if Jane desired it. Although she recognized both choices were born of cowardice, a trait she despised when she recognized it in herself, there was too much at stake for her to quarrel with herself.
"Then it is settled," Lydia declared. And it was. She appointed herself the emissary and went to inform their hosts. The others went back to Jane's room to sit with her and determine her needs. Elizabeth wrote out a list of ingredients she would need from the stillroom and they discussed what other items and clothes would be sent back to Netherfield.
"I will do my best to keep mother away," Kitty said with a smile as the sisters made their way to Netherfield's entryway. The Bennet carriage awaited them outside.
"She may come if she wishes," Elizabeth answered with a hint of mischief. "I am certain our hosts would enjoy hearing her opinions on any matches to be made."
Although their mother was not the most eager and vociferous match-making mama in Hertfordshire, she did enjoy speculating about single young men and single young ladies – especially her daughters and she generally did not believe these conversations should be confined to close friends and family. Everyone loved love she was fond of saying.
"Elizabeth," Mary said in a tone of reprimand. Before she could issue whatever admonishment she contemplated they were joined by Mr. and Miss Bingley.
"Miss Kitty, Miss Lydia we are certainly sorry to see you go," Mr. Bingley told the young ladies. Miss Bingley looked sorry as well, but Elizabeth suspected it had more to do with that fact that three Bennets were staying than that two were leaving.
Goodbyes were said, several curtsies were executed, and one bow repeated in response. Elizabeth and Mary walked out to wave their sisters off. They walked back inside, arm in arm and found their hosts about to go their separate ways into different parts of the house. Before doing so Mr. Bingley assured them that whatever they needed would be provided. Miss Bingley, to her credit, agreed with her brother. Although in her own particular way.
"I realize you are likely not used to having so many servants available to see to your needs." Her smile was all that was pleasant. "Please do not hesitant to ask for whatever your sister or you yourselves require. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to be of service."
"Thank you, Miss Bingley," Elizabeth responded with a smile that might, in a certain light, be deemed pleasant.
Miss Bingley also advised them that their things would be sent to their room as soon as they arrived, and that dinner would be at half past six. There may have been some comment about there not being a need to worry about having fashionable attire – of course they would understand their wardrobes were not the latest London designs.
Mr. Bingley had already left when his sister assured them that if they preferred to dine with Jane in their rooms everyone would perfectly understand.
Elizabeth thanked Miss Bingley through slightly clenched teeth and Mary guided them into a room right off of the entryway, gently closing the door behind them. Elizabeth raised a questioning brow at her sister.
"I thought it wise to prevent you from following Miss Bingley. You looked as if you wanted to explain some things to her."
"I may have," Elizabeth admitted. "Even you, in all your patience, must have had a thought or two about Miss Bingley's manners during our conversation."
"I may have," Mary conceded with a smile.
"Do you think this is the library?" Elizabeth asked, taking in the oversized room. It had a large window taking up one wall while the other three were lined with shelves. Though only sparsely populated with books it was clear if one was so inclined this room had space for many volumes. Several chairs sat in front of a stately mahogany desk by the window while others were situated in front of the shelves at intervals throughout the room.
"I imagine so. This would be the perfect place to hold the sisters' court you promised – were it actually necessary." Mary said as she ran her hand long the empty desk.
"Is it not necessary?" Elizabeth asked.
"I had not thought so. Perhaps I am wrong,"
"Mary, sometimes you are too observant. No, you are not wrong."
"You will accept Mr. Collins." This was said with such a mixture of sympathy and understanding that Elizabeth felt perilously close to tears.
After a deep sigh and a brief thought that speaking it aloud might make it more true, Elizabeth resigned herself. "How did you know?"
"You have never avoided him before."
"Too insightful as well," Elizabeth pouted. "You are correct as always. I know it is not particularly mature or brave of me, but if I must accept our cousin once and for all, I think I am entitled to a small act of irresponsibility and cowardice."
"You are neither irresponsible nor cowardly." Mary defended her sister. Then asked, "must you accept him?"
"Mary with all of your observation and insight I imagine you know better than anyone why I must."
"I know why you think you must, but Elizabeth please do not give up any chance of happiness simply because you believe it the best way to ensure we might find it. Should it not be love that moves you to matrimony, not duty?"
Elizabeth very much wanted to throw herself into her younger sister's arms. Somewhere over the last year all of her sister's had grown taller than her. Sometimes she liked this – feeling as though, if she chose, she could be surrounded, be small, in one of their embraces. It might make her burden seem less. Though to be fair, her burdens were less, each of her sisters had taken on some part of the care and concern which had been solely hers not long ago. The ones that remained solely hers, however; could never be borne by the others because she would not allow it.
"Mary, I appreciate you so much for wanting me to have everything we have always spoken of," Elizabeth thought of all the late-night talks, the questions and dreams the sisters had shared. "But you know that it is love that moves me, love for you and Jane, and Kitty and Lydia. Love for the people of Longbourn and Longbourn itself. I know it is not quite the same, but truly even though I have tried to put off formalizing our arrangement I have always known I would accept Mr. Collins. This love compels me and before I did not truly question if it was enough."
"Before?" Mary asked.
"I simply meant before I would have to make the arrangement official." Elizabeth stammered, having said what she had not intended to say in front of the one sister who might not only understand, but also press her on it.
"That is not what you meant."
"Is it not?" Elizabeth said lightly.
"You meant before Mr. Darcy."
"Too insightful indeed." Was the only response Mary got before Elizabeth insisted they needed to check on Jane before changing for dinner.
What neither sister saw, nor did he intend that they would, was the figure who arose from the large overstuffed chair in the far corner of the room the moment they departed. Mr. Darcy had not heard Elizabeth and Mary enter the library. He had been uncharacteristically asleep in the middle of the day. We must blame a restless night and a boring letter for such an unusual state. By the time he was aware of their presence he realized they were very much not aware of his, as they were having what seemed to be a private conversation. Though he sincerely intended to present himself, lest they reveal things not meant for his ears, he did not. Perhaps this was unforgivable as it was the mention of Elizabeth marrying a Mr. Collins that prevented him, and such a subject was clearly not one they would wish him to hear. He was too curious, perhaps more than curious, to do anything but listen, however. He learned many things about Elizabeth he had not known, but in reality, the overheard conversation, the irony of his actions was not lost on him given their first meeting, raised more questions than it answered – why was Elizabeth marrying someone she did not love, what did it have to do with Longbourn and her sisters and, most importantly to Mr. Darcy himself, what did this have to do with him? As he sat and listened to Elizabeth declare she would marry someone, someone else, Darcy's mind had screamed "no," his heart had demanded he acknowledge how wrong that would be while his palms grew sweaty and his head pounded. Being unfamiliar with love or even infatuation Darcy could not quite name the symptoms he was experiencing but he was certain he needed to do something – surely at the very least Elizabeth had become a friend and she was distressed. Perhaps he could help. This calmed him. His distress abated, his heartrate slowed and his head, mostly, ceased its pulsation. Feeling this was a vindication Darcy moved to the door, determined the hallway was empty, and proceeded to his room to dress for dinner.
