Will left the next day, and Nico tried to pretend that it wasn't happening. It worked for a few hours, but a flurry of pictures sent to his phone of Will in a different bedroom ruined the illusion. The more pictures he got, the further away Will seemed to become, which NIco was sure was the opposite of the intended effect.
That night he spent a lot of time looking at the last picture Will had sent him. It was of a sleeping bag on the floor of his new bedroom, because the bedframes had still been packed. It looked extremely sad, and yet, Nico found himself coming back to stare at the picture over and over again.
The second night alone, Nico hunted down the cotton jacket Will had left him. He curled around it, wishing the warmth was coming from it instead of the blankets. It still smelled faintly of coffee and the detergent Will used. He kept the jacket in his bed, tangled into his blankets, and after a few more nights, he pulled it on and zipped it. After that, he wore it every night until even he had to admit it wasn't clean anymore. The coffee smell was completely gone after one wash, and Nico missed it more than he liked to admit.
It wasn't like Will had completely disappeared from his life. The two still texted back and forth every day, but it wasn't the same.
And as much as it felt like time had stopped, the days ticked by in a steady rhythm. The threat of the upcoming school year loomed overhead, growing larger by the hour. Nico tried to ignore it, but he was finally forced to confront the dying summer the day he and Hazel walked to the store to buy school supplies. Hazel went around picking out a rainbow of colored sticky notes and arrows to stick in her textbooks. Nico bought six identical black folders.
"How are you going to know which is which?" Hazel asked.
"If I open one and it has the wrong stuff in it, then I'll know to open another one," Nico said. "It worked fine for me last year."
Hazel said something about the fun of it being ruined, but Nico ignored her. She spent an extremely long time picking out locker decorations. Nico leant back against the wall watching her trying to decide between star magnets or clear ones in the shape of diamonds. His apprehension about the start of school was growing stronger. He had signed up for Plant Class again, but he wasn't sure how he was going to pass it this time. Moreover, having to spend another year with Mr. Brunner was going to be awful. Nico knew every time he talked to him, the teacher would be thinking about how badly he'd done in his class last time.
He tried not to think about what might have happened if Will had still been there. If he had been one of Nico classes. If he had been here getting new school supplies with him instead of Hazel.
The night before school started, he shook out his backpack. Several large, fat, black bugs fell out and scuttled away, no doubt attracted by the food Nico kept forgetting he had. He emptied everything out. He wasn't keen on eating anything that had been in there for a year.
He found it impossible to sleep. He paced his room, twisting his skull ring until the skin around it burned. He had so much nervous energy he felt sick, and his breath grew ragged and shallow. He knew the day was going to be exactly the same as all the other ones, but it didn't help. Last year, all of his teachers had said that junior year was going to be the most important one, and it was going to be the hardest. Nico had lost focus so much last year, it was hard to believe he wasn't going to fall back into the same pattern.
Why had the summer been so short? It seemed to have flown past him in a haze, almost like it had been someone else's life.
He checked the clock on his phone. He was only going to get five hours of sleep, and that was only if he went to bed right now. He wasn't tired.
The school day itself drug on forever. Most of the teachers didn't give a whole lesson, but instead did a bunch of name games and about me presentations. As much as he hated those kinds of activities, Nico didn't get much homework. Every class he looked for a familiar face, but he didn't recognize anyone. He reminded himself that his graduating class was over a thousand students, and that most of the people he knew were in a different grade. The chances of seeing anyone was almost nonexistent.
Horticulture moved from Nico's first class, to his fourth. Mr. Brunner gave no indication that he remembered Nico at all, but Nico knew he must. He hadn't wanted Mr. Bunner to announce in front of everyone that he was retaking the class, but being ignored completely was strange. Instead of forgetting about last year, Nico found himself thinking of nothing else, just to remind himself that it had happened.
The usual crowd of people formed around one of the tables at lunch time, ready to play Magic: The Gathering. Nico found himself searching for Chris Rodriguez instinctually before remembering he didn't carry his deck on him anymore. It was still shoved in his closet.
With no reason to stay, Nico walked back down the hall to the library. He found his usual gap between the bookshelves and the wall.
He looked around, trying to find a book that would hold his interest for an hour, twisting his head sideways to read the titles on the spines. They were all familiar ones. He had read every book in this section of the library. He would have to get up and go over to another shelf. It seemed like too much work.
He unzipped his backpack, trying to find something to distract himself. There was nothing. He sank backwards, leaning his head against the wall.
It felt extremely cyclical. His whole life was looping the same day. Nothing was ever going to change.
His new P. E. class was right after lunch, so when the bell rang, Nico reluctantly dragged himself towards the gym. The bleachers had been folded out, and he found a spot as far away from anyone that he could. He sat, absently picking at the zipper on his bag, until the teachers came out to introduce the classes. Nico saw Coach Hedge. He was carrying a megaphone in one hand and a hunting magazine in the other. His whistle shone around his neck. Nico had only just remembered how unpleasant it sounded when its tinny sound rang out, biting over the noisy bleachers, and drilling into his ears. He put a hand to his head.
Coach Hedge began to explain the new classes by holding up a stack of pamphlets and yelling loudly into the megaphone. He looked extremely proud with his new purchase. Nico lost interest quickly. The sound in the gym was extremely echo-y.
Coach Hedge was not his teacher this time around. Instead a man with curly black hair, a leopard patterned shirt, and sour expression called the class over. He introduced himself as Mr. D.
Nico found himself sitting in the back of his line, which was just fine with him. He got the feeling that Mr. D didn't really like his class. He started taking attendance, but even he wasn't paying attention. He mixed up several names, and didn't bother to correct himself when the students began to protest. He told the class that he was going to break them up into teams, and he would post the list of who was on what team the next day. Nico had never been more eager to leave a classroom.
Will: Howd it go?
Nico: Awful.
The school day was over. Nico was back home, trying to fill out three separate "about me" worksheets for various teachers. He was saved from trying to figure out what his "hidden talent" was.
Nico: No, that's not true. It went normal.
Nico: Hey, have you heard of a teacher called Mr. D?
Will: ohhh u got the wine dude?!
Will: Im so jealous I always wanted to b in his class
Nico: The wine dude?
Will: Yeah hes got these obnoxious shorts with wine glasses all over them
Will: Omg I wish I was u Ive heard hes horrible
Nico: Then why do you want to be in his class so bad?
Will: Its just one of those things u gotta experience
Will: Do u have ur nickname yet?
Nico: My what?
Will: He never calles anyone by their names
Will: I think he called Percy Perry Johanson or some shit like that
Will: Thats awesome
Will: How can you say that the day was awful?
Nico: You're too excited about this
Will: Tell me waht ridiculous name u get
Nico: What about you? Have you started your new school yet?
Will: Nah
Will: We start monday
Will: Hows plant class?
Nico: The same, I guess. It's hard to tell. School just started.
Nico: Speaking of, what do you think is my hidden talent?
Will: Looking good in everything, including nothing ;)
Nico: It's for class!
Will: Write flower arranging
Nico: I failed plant class!
Nico: It can't be my talent
Will: Hey Ive got to head out my mom wants help
Will: Were not all the way unpacked yet
Will: Virtual kisses :*
Nico: Oh my god. Stop.
Nico: Goodbye 3
Will: Bye 3
Will: talk to u soon
"Nick the angle," Nico read aloud. He was holding the corner of the list Mr D. had taped to the wall. The paper was stained and smelled sweet, like Mr. D had spilled soda on it and hadn't bothered writing a new list.
At least he got a title, he thought as he scanned the rest of the names.
The class itself wasn't anything important. Nico had started to realize how much he had hated gym class before. The only good thing about it had been Will, and Nico wasn't up for making any new friends.
He changed as quickly as he could in the locker room. He had been walking for several minutes before he realized he was walking his old route, the one from last year. He turned and began to fight his way through the throng of students pushing him backwards.
That weekend Will had promised to come back. Nico felt insanely jealous that he had only had only had to attend a few days of classes, while Nico was about to start his second week.
The old minivan was gone, and Will arrived in a normal sized car. It smelled heavily of plastic, like it was new, but Will said his mom had had it for years.
"We can't eat anything in here, or my mom will kill me," was the first thing he said.
"Oh yeah, I've missed you too," Nico said, sliding down the seat to stare out of the front windshield. "Where are we going?"
Will shrugged and started the car.
"I haven't been back to the archery range since I left. I thought we could hang out there for a while."
Nico forced the neutral look to stay on his face. It wasn't like it was something he ordinarily wouldn't have been fine with. He usually didn't care what the two of them did as long as they were together, but after weeks apart, it didn't feel the same anymore. He didn't want to sit and watch as Will did something that wasn't focused on him.
"Does your new place not have one?" he asked. It wouldn't be fair if this was the only place Will had if he asked to do something else.
"No, it does, but it's inside, and it's not the same."
"Oh."
"What?" Will asked.
"I didn't say anything."
It would be ok, Nico decided. He was expecting too much. It would be fine.
"Yeah, but. You sounded like you wanted to," Will said. He didn't seem convinced.
"No, I'm ok. Let's go," Nico insisted.
Will pulled the car over and shut it off.
"Nah, fuck that," he decided. "What do you want to do?"
Nico hesitated for a second.
"I want to take you on a real date," he finally said. "We always just hang out," he added.
Will looked slightly surprised.
"Alright," he said, a smile tugging the corner of his lips upwards. "Where are you going to take me on our real date then?"
"I-could I take you out for a cup of coffee? Too boring?"
"Absolutely not. Take me on a coffee date."
And so Nico did, and the two sat outside on the curb outlooking the parking lot. Nico tried coffee for the first time and decided he didn't like coffee. His cup sat untouched on the sidewalk next to him, as he used his hands to animatedly talk about how miserable his school life had become. He added a bit of humorous sheen to the whole thing, so Will wouldn't worry. And Will sat his arms crossed over his knees, and watched him the whole time, his head cocked to the side. And when he kissed him, Nico tasted the coffee on his breath, and for a moment it felt like they were back in Will's bedroom, still with all the time in the world in front of them. It was everything he had wanted and he never wanted it to end.
But eventually the sun set, and the day was over.
"Can you pull up directions?" Will asked, as they started for Nico's home to drop him off before Will had to go back home. "I've lost track of where everything is."
Nico wound up with Will's phone clutched in his hand, sitting silently as the phone read out in an automated voice where to go. It was like being an overly glorified coat rack.
It was several minutes before the first message appeared. It was followed by several more.
"Ugh, is it the group chat?" Will asked. "I thought I had that thing muted."
"Is it people from our school?"
Will shook his head.
"Nah."
"It's already new people?"
Will shrugged.
"I said I was good with people."
"Oh."
He could see in the back of his mind the impression of Will, darkened by the night, glowing around the edges, illuminated and backlit by the streetlights. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to lose the people he knew here. It had seemed so real. It didn't seem like it meant anything now. It had only been a few days, and there was already a whole new group of people he knew. Had their numbers. Maybe even had spent time with them outside of school.
How did it happen so quickly?
Nico had hardly spoken to anyone in any of his classes, and he'd been seeing the same faces more or less for years. He felt constantly lonely, and in the back of his head he had been assuming that Will had been feeling the same thing. It had made him feel better, because it felt like a way to connect the two of them.
It wasn't like he wanted Will to feel alone. It wasn't like he had never wanted him to make any friends. It had all happened too fast though, and now it was like he'd been left behind.
Nico sat with the phone in his hands as it shook in his hands from frequent vibration. Each one made him feel a little bit emptier.
"Here, I know where we are now," Will said, when the two were stopped at a red light. He took the phone back, and flicked through it for a second.
"It's mostly Discord," he said, tucking it into his pocket.
Nico, who had never heard of Discord, said nothing.
That night Nico was about to climb into bed for the night, when he saw the jacket, still tangled up in his sheets. He unwound it, held it at arm's length, and took it in. It looked the same as it always did, only now the year on the front was from two school years ago. He wasn't sure why, but after today, it made him feel sad, like he was still holding on to something that wasn't really there anymore. It wasn't comforting anymore. He wasn't sure if he wanted it.
Nico opened his closet and threw the jacket inside, along with everything else he didn't want to think about anymore.
He lay on his bed, his phone cradled in his hands, and pretending that he wasn't missing the jacket, and how, even now, he still wanted to curl into it. He dozed off a few times, but always was pulled back from the edges of sleep. Something felt missing, and he knew it was the stupid jacket, but Nico didn't want to rely on it. He stubbornly left the closet door shut. He heard birds chirping before he finally dozed off.
He never heard the alarm he'd set for himself. Nico woke up, feeling cramped and sore from the odd position he'd settled into. He spent a few seconds looking at the ceiling before realizing what was wrong: it was too bright. There was too much light spilling in through his window. He was late. Nico checked his phone. It read eleven am. He was hours late. Nico wondered why no one had woken him up, but then reasoned that no one ever did. Why would today be any different?
He dressed in a whirlwind and was out the door with his bag in less than five minutes.
The next morning, the bus dropped him off at the school, but Nico didn't think he'd be able to go in. He didn't want anyone to ask him where'd been, and he didn't have any good excuses. It was easier not to go at all.
He looked around to see if anyone had noticed him. Sure he was alone, he turned around and set off down the sidewalk away from the school. He walked quickly, wanting to put as much distance between him and school as possible. He eventually turned a corner, and the building was lost from view, blocked by all the other, taller buildings.
It wasn't night, but it was the same feeling of elevation as when he slipped out unnoticed. Nico let his feet carry him, now feather light without knowing where he was going to wind up.
It took a half hour of walking before he finally saw it out in the distance, the bridge that connected to the highway, the same one that had filled his mind last year. He'd never actually gone. What would it feel like to climb up and look down? He could watch the cars below. It wasn't like he had anything better to do with his time.
It was clearly a footbridge. It wasn't accessible from the road, and a bike path ran through the middle of it. The sides were made from a kind of mesh wire coated in plastic that connected to the metal handrails.
He was the only one there. Nico leaned on the handrails and looked over the side. As his stomach dropped, he felt something he'd only felt once before. It was the same as when he'd stabbed himself with the drawing compass that day last May. It felt almost like excitement, but it wasn't quite the same. The way it twisted uncomfortably inside made it feel like it was waiting for him to do something.
He stepped back. The air around him felt strangely alive. He was suddenly very aware of how his feet felt against the concrete. It didn't feel safe to be here.
He wandered through the neighborhoods, not caring where he wound up, only using the time to delay the evitable trip back to school. Nico found himself walking the route to Will's old house. It slowly grew larger until it was right in front of him. It looked empty, the driveway deserted. The curtains were gone and the lights were off. The red door didn't look as cheerful as it had used to now that everything around it was gone.
Nico wondered if a new family would move in soon. Who would sleep in Will's old bedroom. Would he start going to Nico's school?
Nico knew he would never enter the house again. He'd spent a lot of time there, definitely had some of his best memories there, but that part of his life was over now. It had alway felt more welcoming than his house had ever had, but the house brought him no comfort now. It was only a building: what had made it special was long gone, now living somewhere an hour away.
He stole one last glance at the house.
This was stupid. He was stupid. He wouldn't be coming back.
