AN: Just a warning, this chapter contains a bit of prostitution, abuse and general bad stuff. Mostly hinted at, not too detailed or explicit.


15. Manhandling - Part Three

Time crawled by. Not that he could keep track of it. Aramis felt worse with every passing hour. He staggered to the toilet to empty his stomach and collapsed on the filthy mattress. He was shaking uncontrollably and sweating now. Somebody came to deliver food now and then. Aramis managed a few bites but he was struggling to keep it down.

"Please… please…" He was begging endlessly, half not realising he was doing it.

And then, somebody answered.

"Since you've asked so nicely."

The sound of pills scattering about the room suddenly shot life into Aramis' limbs. He scrambled to retrieve them.

"I was enjoying watching you suffer. Just like Charon suffered. It should have been you dead, not him. But seeing you like this, a desperate junkie, it's almost better. Oh how low you've fallen, Aramis. If only Porthos could see you now. He's been calling you, you know? Maybe I should answer and tell him what you've become."

Aramis wasn't paying attention, he'd shoved a few pills in his mouth and retreated back to the mattress where he could curl up and wait for them to take effect.

"Nothing to say?" She came to kneel down and peer at Aramis as he shook and shivered. Flea brushed a lock of hair out of his face and he moaned. "Alright, sshh, you can stay here as long as you like. I'll look after you, and if you're a good boy you might get some more of those pills. If you're a naughty boy, well…"

Aramis found his own gun being waved under his nose.

"Be a good boy." She patted his shoulder as if he were a dog and left.

Aramis blinked a watery eye and realised she'd left the door open. He just hadn't the strength or will to crawl towards it. A warm glow spread through his veins and he let out a relieved sigh. The Little Death took him and he drifted away.

Aramis was vaguely aware of comings and goings around him. Laughing and shouting came from other rooms, sometimes right next to him on the other mattress. When the outside world intruded too much he downed another pill. He kept them tight in his fist so he wouldn't drop them, or let them be taken. He wasn't tracking the passage of time, only the dwindling number of pills in his hand.

When it was late and the room was cast in half darkness a woman stumbled into the room with a laugh. She dropped down on Aramis' mattress and curled up around him. Strong perfume assaulted his senses and a hand snuck down his leg before slipping into his trousers.

A man barrelled in. "Not him you dumb bitch. I'm the one paying you!"

She was pulled away.

The sounds coming from the other mattress made it clear enough what was happening. Aramis just took another pill.

Morning's light saw him with his hands empty. Aramis rolled over to find a woman sitting smoking on the mattress across the room. She sat leaning against the wall, reading a battered old book. His movement caught her attention and she peered at him through lanky hair obscuring her eyes.

"Morning, love."

He just blinked slowly.

"Coming down? I know the feeling. Got some vodka if you want to take the edge off." She waved a bottle at him.

Aramis remained silent. He was feeling hollow with the drugs wearing off, he just couldn't summon the energy to say anything.

"What's your name?" She waited a moment. "Not one for talking are ya? No mind. I'm Ivy, a bit old fashioned I know, but it was my grandmother's name."

Ivy stubbed out the end of her cigarette on the hard wooden floor and took a swig from the bottle.

"I'm heading to the shop, you want anything?"

Aramis shook his head.

"So there is somebody in there then. See you later, gorgeous."

She left and the door slammed shut.

Aramis settled his gaze on the door down the corridor. It felt miles away. But it was quiet in the flat, aside from the ever present television. There didn't seem to be anyone around. He could make a break for it. Although he wouldn't be doing so very speedily. The drugs had worn off but the withdrawal symptoms had yet to kick in. This in between state left him weak and shaky, but his head was at its clearest, and that wasn't saying much. He still felt like he was operating through a thick fog. The door stood as a temptation. He had to try. But what would he do for drugs once he had got out? Some dark corner of his mind told him to stay put. Flea would be back with more pills soon and he would get some if he was a good boy. He looked at the door and blinked heavily. No… Porthos was out there, he would be looking, the others too. He had to get back to them.

Aramis pushed up to his hands and knees, he paused and wavered a moment before using the wall to help him to his feet. He took a step, but his head swam and he found himself back on his hands and knees. He cursed and grit his teeth. Then he crawled to the edge of the room. He would get to the door, even if he had to get there on his hands and knees. It was slow going, but inch by inch he was making it. Finally he reached out to touch the wood of the door only to feel eyes on him.

"Where do you think you're going?" A rough voice barked.

Aramis turned to see a heavyset older man leaning on the doorframe of the television room. He had the sort of build that made him look like a boxer in his younger days.

"Flea says you're not to leave. Get back in there." He pointed harshly at the room Aramis had come from.

Aramis didn't move, he just lay collapsed against the door, breathing heavily.

"Move then!" The man took out Aramis' gun and waved it at him.

Still Aramis didn't move.

The man stalked down the corridor towards him and grasped Aramis by the shirt. He physically hauled Aramis back and dropped him by the mattress, giving him a kick as if to punt him the extra few inches.

"Now stay there."

Aramis closed his eyes and curled up on the mattress.

When he next came to awareness he felt he was being watched. He rolled over to find Flea staring at him.

"I'm told you've been a naughty boy. You tried to leave?" She held up a plastic bag. "There's none of this out there you know. And there'll be none of this for you now. You only get it if you're a good boy."

She left. Aramis hid his face in his hands and whined. A headache was already starting to build.

Later on Ivy returned. She dropped down on the opposite mattress and started taking a few bits out of her pockets. Then a few folded notes, she counted them and put them away again. Aramis was shaking and shuddering by now.

"You don't look so hot, love. Sure you don't want that vodka?"

He just looked at her.

"No? I got something better here anyway. I'll let you have a bit, you'll like it."

She arranged a few things to one side of the mattress, Aramis couldn't see exactly what was happening, but when she held up a lighter beneath a spoon it was clear enough. Aramis closed his eyes and suppressed a shudder. The next thing he knew she was right there in front of him, grabbing his arm. He had a sudden flash of Charon forcibly injecting him and flinched away.

"N...no."

"Don't worry, gorgeous. Just a little scratch and you'll be on top of the world."

The needle went in and she retreated to take her own. The drug took effect quickly. Everything became hazy. Aramis was so light, he felt like he was floating. He sat up and let his jaw drop at the colours winding around the room.

"So… beautiful." Ivy was tracing a finger through the air.

It was beautiful. And through the colours there were things, butterflies but not butterflies. Aramis tried to catch them, but the delicate creatures evaded his slow, lumbering fingers. Too soon it was over and the dark, drab room filtered back in.

"Aramis…" His voice felt rough.

"What?" She gazed at him with a blissed out smile.

"My name, it's Aramis."

"Hi Aramis." She laughed.

"Hi Ivy." He managed a small smile before sinking back down to the mattress.

Some time later his head was yanked up by the hair. Flea peered at him.

"Did you give him something?"

"No, I work hard for my gear, think I'd be stupid enough to give it away?"

"Thought he'd be desperate for another hit by now. Has he been any trouble?"

"No, just lies there. Hasn't said a word."

His head was dropped.

"Make sure you don't give him anything."

"Whatever."

~oOo~

Time passed in a haze, Aramis only noticed that some days were busier than others. Sometimes he felt he was alone, apart from the ever present television watching man. Other times there were visitors in their ones and twos, occasionally it felt like troops trekked through. Deals were done, the shouting and laughing ebbed and flowed, men and women entwined with each other across the room. All the while Aramis was up and down, Flea threw pills at him, left him to verge on withdrawal and then listened to him beg. He couldn't help it, the words just spilled out of him. He was trapped in a circle of needing the pills and hating the pills. And he hated himself, he hated this place and the chaos around him he was witness to. He didn't want to be part of this squalor.

One night Aramis was left to shake and shudder. There was something wrong, he could tell. In the room, Ivy and a man, it wasn't right… but he was lost in his own misery. Sweating, trembling, flashes of pain. Nothing could draw him out.

The next morning Aramis rolled over to see Ivy smoking. She was staring at nothing, a black eye stood out starkly, her wrists were bruised as well. Aramis pushed himself up to a sitting position. He looked at her sorrowfully and finally she caught his eye.

"What a pair we make eh?"

Aramis flinched as a cramp took him.

"Don't worry, I'll go out and get us something in a bit. We'll be able to escape soon."

She snuck him drugs when Flea wasn't around. He didn't know what they all were but he didn't care as long as they took away his pain and this wretched place. It was an escape of sorts, but not a real one. He didn't want to be here, doing this… being this. Oh God, he wanted to be back with his friends.

"I want… I want to…" Words were hard to get out.

"What's that, love?"

"I want to go home."

It sounded pathetic. He was pathetic.

Ivy stubbed out her cigarette and came forwards to take his hands. "Oh hun, people like us… we don't get to have homes."

A tear ran down his cheek. She wiped it away.

"All we get is an escape."

Ivy ferreted through her pockets, made a surprised sound of victory and pushed a pill to Aramis' lips.

"This for now and there'll be colours for us later. We'll get to see the beautiful place, it'll make things better, I promise."

He swallowed, closed his eyes and wept. Ivy settled down beside him and put her head to his shoulder.

~oOo~

This life continued in a blur, and then suddenly one day it was quiet. Not even the television's intrusive blare sounded. There was a distant clink of bottles and a sniffle. Then someone padded in and dropped on the mattress with Aramis. There was the thunk of a bottle being set down, and then they clumsily groped for his hand. Aramis frowned, drifting in a confused haze, he blinked until Flea coalesced beside him. She had a red, tear streaked face and wobbled as she held up Aramis' phone. Once she had a firmer grip on his hand she pressed his trembling finger to the pad and his phone lit up. Flea pressed a few things and then held the phone to her ear.

"Porthos?"

Aramis couldn't make out the words on the other end, but the low rumble of Porthos' voice was unmistakable. His heart ached.

"It's good to hear your voice."

She sniffled.

"I've missed you. I've been so lonely since Charon's gone. I wanted you to come back, but you'd never come back. Not now."

Flea paused to wipe her nose.

"You're one of them now. Yes, I took him. I took him and made him one of us. Something you hate. Will you hate him now?"

Aramis would have given anything to hear what Porthos was saying.

"I thought it would help, dragging him down. But it hasn't. I wanted to see him hurt like Charon hurt. He was there, he saw it all happen, but of course you know that. Why didn't you call? Why didn't you explain? If I ever meant anything to you Porthos… why did you forget me? Because I'm one of them? One of the dirty things you left behind… the dirty things you used to be. You still used Charon when you had to."

Flea paused to take a swig from the bottle.

"He gave so much to you... I lost him. We lost him. Don't you care?"

The tears were running again.

Aramis reached out to clutch at her sleeve. "I'm… I'm sorry."

Flea put her hand over her mouth to hold in a sob.

"This isn't working. I'm hurting so much Porthos, but this won't bring him home… You can have Aramis back. I'll give him back to you. I'll never have Charon back, nor you, but you can have him back, and be grateful. Come to Miracle Court, Flat 11 on Sherbrook Street. You won't see me again."

Flea hung up, put the phone by Aramis and fled.

~oOo~

The door clicked open and Aramis hopefully looked up, expecting to find Porthos. Instead Ivy strode down towards their room.

"Hey gorgeous. Got something special for us today."

Aramis said nothing and kept his eyes fixed on the door.

"Business has been good, so I've splashed out. If you think the beautiful place is good just wait till you try this."

He blinked.

"Aramis?"

"Home… going home." He mumbled.

She knelt beside him. "What was that?"

"I'm going home."

Ivy ran a hand down Aramis' face. His eyes finally flicked over to her. She was all sad smile and shining eyes. "Don't say that."

"We can… we can get out."

"There's nothing out there for us, Aramis. Believe me, I've looked."

"Family?"

Her head dropped as she shook it. "I tried, I tried so hard, but there's no escape out there. This is all that's left to me. You think you have anybody left who cares?"

"He's coming."

"No, he's not, love. You've been saying that since I first walked through that door to find you off your face on that mattress."

Aramis frowned.

"You don't remember? Well, there's a lot you won't. You also called me cute, but not your type." She sniffled and a brighter smile slipped through. "Whoever he is, he isn't coming."

Aramis looked to the door.

"We don't need anybody else. Come away with me. Forget him."

She reached for his arm and pushed up his sleeve. He hadn't the will to pull it away.

The drug hit his system. A sense of peace overwhelmed him. As he drifted away to another place he could only think one thing… Ivy was right.

"Jamie? Baby, it's so good to see you! Look at you walking!"

Her voice echoed across the room as Aramis faded away. He could just see her arms reaching out, ready to catch somebody who wasn't there.

"Aramis?" A voice called him from beyond.

She was right.

~oOo~

"Aramis?"

A voice filtered through the haze.

"Shit, you're barely breathing. Aramis, wake up damn you!"

He moaned as he was roughly shaken.

"That's it, come on back to me."

He tried to roll over, away from the intrusion.

"No no no, you're waking up." His cheek was lightly slapped. "Time to go."

A swirl of nausea took Aramis as he cracked an eye open.

"There you are!"

Porthos coalesced before him. Aramis managed a faint smile and flailed an uncoordinated hand at him. Porthos caught it and hauled him upright. The world spun and Aramis frantically swallowed.

"Let's get you on your feet."

Porthos attempted to get him up, but Aramis' legs just turned to jelly beneath him.

"Ok, let's try something else." Porthos ducked down and opted for a fireman's carry. The motion nearly had Aramis throwing up.

They moved to the door when Aramis caught sight of Ivy slumped on her mattress.

"No, Ivy, no…" Aramis wriggled and weakly thumped at Porthos.

"Hey, hold still! What's the matter?"

He reached out towards her. "Ivy!"

"It's ok, once I've got you down to the car I'll call an ambulance. I've half a mind to put you on it."

At that he went limp and tried his best not to be sick at the motion of Porthos carrying him out to the car. Once he was bundled up lying along the backseat Aramis closed his eyes. Relief flooded him. Porthos had come.

"Ambulance please. Flat 11 on Sherbrook Street, in Miracle Court. There's an unconcious girl in the back room, looks like she's overdosed."

~oOo~

When Aramis next came to awareness he was relieved to be back in his own room in his own bed. He was slightly less relieved to be shaking like a leaf. The nausea hit again and he flung himself over the side of the bed. Porthos was there with a bucket.

When he was done Aramis lay back and burrowed under the duvet, pale and shaky.

Porthos looked at him with a critical eye. "I'm calling Lemay."

"No, no… please don't."

"Why not? For God's sake Aramis, you need medical attention. You're lucky I didn't drive you straight to hospital. At least let me call Lemay."

"I… I can ride it out."

"You don't have to. We've been through this, Lemay can help."

"I don't want help."

"Why are you doing this? Are you trying to punish yourself?"

Aramis shuddered and flinched. "No… just, leave me be."

"I won't leave you like this Aramis, don't ask me to. Just try to get some rest for now, I'll be in the other room for a minute, shout if you need me."

Aramis was sure he had gone straight to call Lemay. He winced as a particularly bad cramp hit. Maybe getting Lemay over wasn't such a bad idea, but Aramis just couldn't face him. He couldn't admit that he had broken and turned to drugs. The shame was too much. Having Porthos see him like this was bad enough.

He was curled up with his eyes tight shut when Porthos came back into his room. He heard a glass being set down on the bedside table.

"There's a couple of painkillers for you."

"Did Lemay tell you to give them to me?"

Porthos sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "We just want to help."

"Don't need help."

"That's clearly not true."

"I'm fine." He said through gritted teeth.

"Want to try telling me something I'll believe?"

Aramis was silent.

"Want to talk about what happened?"

He shook his head.

"Well, when you find your words I'm ready to listen."

Once Porthos had left the room Aramis reached for the painkillers.

The next few days were filled with misery. Aramis felt like he was getting worse, but he rebuffed all Porthos' attempts to pull in Lemay. Sleep was hard to come by, if only he could stop shaking… Nausea was a near constant companion and the cramps had his muscles painfully seizing up. Still, Aramis was determined to ride it out. It would get worse, and then it would get better. It had to. Perhaps worst of all was the nagging need for a hit. He was ashamed of seeking drugs, but still desperately wanted them. The nagging soon became a neverending scream that drowned everything else out.

He gave in. Again. The pain was too much. The screaming desperation smothered him. So when Porthos left to do some food shopping, Aramis dragged himself from his bed and went to the door. He stumbled barefoot down the road, hunched over, with arms wrapped tight around his body. All he had to do was get to Miracle Court, somebody there would give him something. Maybe he could find Flea. She was pretty upset last time he saw her, but she had drugs. Perhaps she'd feel guilty enough to give him some. He hoped he was going the right way. He wasn't entirely sure. He just knew he was heading away from home. Home. He had fought to get back home, and now he had turned his back on it. He just needed the drugs. He would be back soon and nobody would know. Once he had them.

Passers by gave him wary looks. Did they know? Could they tell he had fallen again? Was his shame so clear to see?

A woman paused beside him. "Sir, are you alright?"

He pushed on. His feet hurt, but so did everything else. It would all go away when he got his hands on some gear. He stepped out into the road. A car horn blared. Too loud. It was too loud. Aramis staggered to one side with his hands over his ears. He missed the stream of curses. He reached the other side and put his hands to the cold brick of a garden wall. He leaned over it, breathing harshly. He needed a hit. He could have cried with frustration. Where was Flea? Where was Swifty? Gone… he was gone. Took his drugs with him. Bastard.

Aramis pushed away and stumbled on. His head spun. An outstretched hand helped him along the walls and the fencing.

And then a voice so loud it nearly knocked him off his feet yelled out.

"Where the hell are you going?!"

Porthos pounded down the road towards him.

"Nowhere."

"Stop lying to me Aramis. I got back and found you gone, the door wide open. You had me so worried! What are you doing out here?"

He looked to the floor. "Walking."

"Without your shoes? Please, just tell me the truth."

Aramis' watery eyes met Porthos'. Desperation was seeping out of every pore. "I need a hit. Just one more, to get me through."

"No you don't. Come on, turn around, let's go home."

Porthos reached out to take Aramis' arm, but he wrenched it away. "I'm going. Don't stop me."

"You know I'm not going to let you. So are you walking home or am I carrying you?"

"Porthos, I need it. Don't take me back, not yet." He clutched his hands in prayer.

Porthos just tried to steer him around. Aramis pulled back. His resistance, as weak as he was, was easily overpowered.

"So that's how it's going to be then."

Aramis found himself over Porthos' shoulder once again. He wriggled and writhed but couldn't dislodge himself from Porthos' tight hold.

"Let me go!"

No matter how much he yelled and cursed Porthos stayed silent. It wasn't long before Aramis found himself being deposited back in the bed he had fled from.

Porthos grabbed an ankle and held up his foot. "Look at the state of your feet! Cut up and covered in dirt. There's no choice, I've got to call Lemay now, unless you want to die of infection?"

"No."

"You'd rather I take you in?"

"No! You do it."

"I'm not any sort of a medic, and these need a thorough cleaning."

"It's not that bad!"

"I don't think you're in any fit state to judge. Can you even feel them?"

It was just one more hurt to add to the collection.

Porthos pulled out his phone and Aramis lunged forwards to knock it from his hands.

"For God's sake Aramis! What's got into you?"

When Porthos went to retrieve his phone Aramis got out of bed and barrelled into him. On a good day it would probably have seen Porthos off his feet, but this was far from a good day. Porthos easily caught Aramis by the wrists. He writhed, attempting to get free and land a blow.

"Get off me!"

"Calm. Down." The words were said with some weight.

"Why are you even here?! Is it because you like broken things? You want to fix me?"

"Aramis." His name was said as a warning.

"You want to fix me because you couldn't fix them. All the sorry people you abandoned in Miracle Court!"

"Stop this." Porthos growled.

"Stop trying to fix me!"

"I'm going to put this down to the withdrawal. But know this - I'm here because I'm your brother, and I want to help you." Porthos wrapped his arms around Aramis, smothering his attempts at violence. He easily picked Aramis up and manhandled him over to the bed. "You're not broken. You're just human. Now keep your ass in that bed while I call Lemay."

Aramis glared at Porthos as he picked up his phone and dialled. He supposed the weight of his glare was diminished by the shaking and blinking. Sweat was running into his eyes now. He couldn't help but flinch at the flashes of pain shooting through him. God, he needed a hit.

"Hi, it's Porthos. Could you come over to Aramis' place? He's cut up his feet, and… yeah… withdrawal's back. I'll explain when you get here. See you shortly."

"I don't need him." Aramis' voice was small, it sounded pathetic even to his own ears. "I don't need you… hovering. I just need one more hit."

"Tough luck. You're getting Lemay, you've got me, and if you were in your right mind you'd see how much you really don't need any more drugs."

Aramis pulled the duvet over himself and curled up to suffer. If only they would leave him alone.

A while later there was a knock at the door. Porthos went to let Lemay in. He could hear their voices in the hallway. No doubt Porthos was explaining what a pitiful broken thing he was. He didn't like them talking behind his back, but he really didn't want to hear what was being said.

The bed dipped beside him.

"Aramis? It's Doctor Lemay, will you let me take a look at you?"

Aramis remained bundled up and merely shuddered in response.

"The Doc's been good enough to come over and see you. Stop being stubborn and let him do his work." Porthos came to stand over the other side of the bed. "It's this or I take you to hospital. Your choice."

At that Aramis uncurled himself and pushed away the duvet.

"I'm just going to check you over and take a look at your feet, if that's alright?"

Aramis gave the slightest of nods and begrudgingly submitted to Lemay's exam.

When he was done Lemay went to fetch some things from his bag and set up by Aramis' feet. "Some water please, Porthos?"

"Sure thing."

When Porthos left to get some water Lemay turned to look at Aramis. "I'm going to clean and dress your feet first of all. You're clearly going through withdrawal again, is there anything you want to tell me? You can speak in confidence, and anything you say will only allow me to better treat you."

"No." The word was spoken softly.

"That's fine. I'll do what I can."

Porthos returned with the water. Lemay asked him to hold Aramis' legs still while he worked on his feet. It was a gruelling process to have the sensitive skin cleaned out, Aramis hissed and instinctively pulled his legs away, but Porthos held them fast. Aramis was panting by the time it was done.

"That's the feet done, what about the rest?" Porthos asked.

"Aramis, do you know what Flea gave you?"

He shook his head.

"Ideally I would like to admit you. Especially with not knowing what drugs you've been dosed with. Sudden withdrawal can be extremely dangerous. You run the risk of life threatening seizures. You can be monitored much more closely in the hospital. I'd also like to put you on a drip to help your system. You're looking dehydrated and a little malnourished."

"No." Aramis coughed to clear his throat and try to strengthen his voice. "I'm staying here."

"You understand the risks?"

"I do."

"Doc, I'm not sure…"

"If he doesn't want to be admitted I'm willing to give him one chance. I'll leave you with something that should ease the symptoms, but that's no guarantee since we don't know what he's been given. Make sure he eats and drinks. If there's any sign he's getting worse I won't hesitate to have him admitted." Lemay stood and retrieved something from his bag, the bottle was given to Porthos. Then he turned to the shivering man in the bed. "One chance Aramis."

Aramis gave a nod and burrowed back down into his duvet.

"I'll see you to the door."

He could hear them both talking in the hallway again.

When Porthos returned he pressed some food and a glass of water on Aramis. He choked it down, eating was the last thing he felt like doing. Then he took a pill and curled up to sweat and shiver the hours away.

~oOo~

Aramis managed a little restless sleep before nausea rudely brought him back. He rolled to the edge of the bed and found the bucket being placed before him. When it was over he lay back, gasping. His eyes settled on the man by his bed and he frowned.

"What are you doing here?"

"Porthos had to go out for a bit. Change of clothes, catch some sleep, the usual." Athos reclined in a chair by the bed.

"I don't need babysitting."

"Clearly you do." Athos' eyes dropped to the white bandage poking out at the bottom of the duvet.

"Go away." Aramis growled.

"Porthos said you were tetchy."

Aramis growled again.

"Can I get you anything?"

Aramis flinched at a flash of pain. There was only one thing he wanted. "A hit… I need a hit. Please, go to Miracle Court and get me something."

"You know I can't do that."

"I'm hurting." He grit out. "Porthos isn't here, he won't know. He doesn't understand, but you do, don't you?"

At that Athos seemed to pale. "I do, and it's because I do that I won't get you anything. You can make it through this."

"Athos, please. I can't stand this any more."

"But you will stand it, because you're strong. You're stronger than you know. Now I can give you one of these pills and nothing else."

"It doesn't help. It doesn't touch what I need."

"It's better than nothing. Come on."

Athos helped him to swallow a pill down. "Try to get some rest."

"I can't rest, not like this."

"Then listen."

Athos took a book out of his bag and settled back to read it out loud. There was something peaceful about his tone of voice and it gave Aramis something to concentrate on other than his pain. Aramis couldn't rest, but at least he drifted away in distraction a little.

Later that evening once Athos had left Aramis flung back his bed covers. It felt like fire was starting to build in his veins, he wanted to scratch his skin off and let it all out. Aramis got to his feet and stumbled around his room, the pain from his damaged soles shot up his legs and for a blissful moment it took attention from the pain running through every other inch of his body. It didn't last. He ground his heels into the floor hoping to spark that pain again. It granted but a short flare. Then he stamped on the edge of the chair Athos had been sitting in. Aramis fell back on a choked off scream and hit the floor. The pain completely drowned his senses for a moment.

The noise summoned Porthos from the kitchen.

"Aramis? What are you doing?" He came to kneel by Aramis. "Damn, you're bleeding through your dressings. What happened?"

Aramis grit his teeth and shook his head.

"Ok, I'm going to carry you back to the bed. Think you can manage some soup?"

Again he shook his head.

"You've got to try. Remember what Lemay said? One chance." Porthos lifted Aramis and deposited him back on the bed. "I'll change your bandages and fetch the soup."

Aramis withstood his feet being seen to, and Porthos painstakingly helped him with the soup. It made Aramis feel slightly bad for lashing out. He didn't deserve this kindness. Porthos finished off what Aramis couldn't manage and took the bowl away. Fire was building in his veins again. Aramis twisted and turned in his sheets, choking down every scream that threatened to escape. The vomiting started again and his head started splitting soon after. The shock of a cold cloth told him Porthos had come back, but he couldn't really perceive much beyond the torment of his body. After how terrible he'd been he wanted to say thank you, but all that came out was a moan.

"It's okay, you're going to be alright." Porthos gently smoothed back his sweat soaked hair.

Porthos' quiet soothing voice belied the truth of the matter.

He was in hell.

The hours crawled by. There was no relief.

His hand was squeezed.

He wanted this to be over. He wanted to die.

"H… help me, Porthos."

The bed dipped at Aramis' back and a warm body settled against him. Porthos' arm wrapped around Aramis to rest on his chest. It almost felt a restraint on his wildly beating heart. Porthos couldn't stop the cramps running through his muscles, but the calming whispers at his ear seemed to help. He was such a pathetic, broken thing. Trembling and twitching, praying for relief. Aramis felt a finger brush his cheek. Tears. Was he crying? His breath shuddered in and out. A sob escaped with every exhale.

Please God, let this be over.

All the while Porthos told him everything was going to be okay.

And then a white light flashed and took him away.

~oOo~

"You with me?"

Aramis' eyes flickered.

"There you are."

He was in a white room.

Hospital.

Somehow he didn't have the energy to care.

His eyes slid shut.

"No no. You keep those eyes open."

He felt Porthos take his hand.

He fought to stay awake.

"How are you feeling?"

Porthos looked so worried. God, he hated making Porthos worry.

"Can you speak?"

"Mmm…"

Porthos helped him to a drink.

"... feeling awful."

Porthos smiled at last. "Finally, some truth."

"Why…"

"Why what?"

"Why'm here?"

His face turned serious again. "You had a seizure. Scared several years off my life I swear. Look, I know you didn't want to come in to hospital, but I didn't have a choice. You were getting worse and then the fit… This is the best place for you, Aramis. You don't have to suffer through this at home, alone. This is not your fault. None of it is. Flea did this to you, she took you and forced those drugs on you. Somehow she's lost her way…"

Aramis shook his head and fought the threat of tears.

Porthos squeezed his hand. "It's ok. Nobody is blaming you."

"My fault."

"What do you mean?" His brow furrowed with confusion.

"My fault. I took the drugs. Went looking for them… before Flea. Did this to myself." The tears ran, but somehow this confession felt like a weight off his chest.

"Oh, Aramis… Why didn't you say anything?"

"Ashamed."

Porthos looked at him sorrowfully for a quiet moment. Then he leaned forwards. "It changes nothing. You're still not to blame. This addiction was something that was done to you. It's not your fault. And even if it was, why does that matter? You're struggling, you need help, and we're going to give it to you."

That word... addiction... nearly made him flinch. It was the first time it had been applied to him. All the while he had been fooling himself. Thinking that this was a temporary thing. He wasn't an addict.

"Let you down."

"No you haven't. Don't ever think that. The only way you could ever let me down is by struggling alone and not letting me help. You won't be doing that again will you?"

Aramis shook his head.

"Promise me one thing. If you feel that need coming back. Even just a little. You'll come to me. Can you promise me that?"

"I promise."

"Good, we're going to get through this together. Rest now, you'll be back on your feet before you know it."

Aramis managed a smile and squeezed Porthos hand. He had wanted to battle this alone. The shame had stopped him from reaching out. The shame of his addiction, his weakness. But now he could see, the real weakness was in not reaching out. He should have known Porthos would have been there for him, just like he was now. Aramis closed his eyes and drifted away. With his heart lighter, finally for the first time in a long time he could rest.

~oOo~

Aramis paced up and down on the street outside. Lemay had suggested a therapy group once he was back on his feet. He was sure it would help, and Porthos thought it would be a good thing. After everything, how could he deny Porthos?

But still, he paced. The thought of opening up to strangers only opened up a pit of anxiety in his heart.

A few others had arrived and gone in as he strode up and down the pavement. If he left it much longer the session would be underway and he would have to miss it. It would be rude to interrupt halfway through wouldn't it? Aramis summoned up an image of Porthos' disappointed face. No doubt the real Porthos would understand and tell him to take everything at his own pace, but imaginary disappointed Porthos was a little more motivating.

Finally he stopped outside the door, took a deep breath, and wrenched it open.

He was shown through to a small hall with chairs set out in a circle. Most of them were occupied, he took a vacant one and let his gaze skitter around the smiling faces. They were all like him. They were all addicts. That word again, it still made him shudder. But they were all the same here, there was no need to be intimidated, there was no need to feel shame or fear.

"For the newcomers here, my name is Ben. I'm the leader of this group, and a recovered addict. Know that recovery is possible, and we're all here to help you get there. We usually start our sessions by talking a bit about ourselves. Would one of our newcomers like to go first?"

Aramis swallowed hard as the group's eyes settled on him. But he didn't feel the expected rush of fear. The people surrounding him felt warm, friendly, and encouraging. Aramis found that he wanted to speak and tell his story.

He stood up. "My name is Aramis, and I am an addict."

He was an addict. For the first time he said it, and owned it. It was part of him now, and he would learn to live with it. He told his story, it was a little different from the usual he supposed. The gathered faces expressed sympathy and support.

When he sat down he felt a weight had lifted from his shoulders. Ben thanked him and the next moved on to speak.

"My name is Ivy, and I'm an addict."

That name. Lightning shot through Aramis.

He hadn't recognised her. Partly overwhelmed by the group of strangers, and partly because she looked so different. Shorter hair, no longer limp and lanky, fuller cheeks and so full of colour. She looked well.

"I lost a baby, my baby Jamie... I lost myself as well. I didn't want to go on. I couldn't bear a world without him. The drugs were a way to cope at first. I relied on them more than friends and family. They only had words and sympathy, they couldn't take away the grief like the drugs could. And then I needed the drugs more than I needed them. Time went on, and everything started falling apart, I lost my job, I lost everybody. They turned their backs on me after I fell so far, after everything I did to get my hands on a hit. It was the only thing that mattered. The wrong people surrounded me, until the right one fell in my lap."

Her eyes met his.

"I tried to help him. I thought he was another one like me. Fallen so far he couldn't see the light. All I could give him was the relief the drugs offered. He was so sure he was going to be rescued. I should have had a little more faith. We were both rescued that day."

She smiled.

Afterwards they made a beeline for each other. A hug, and then they grasped hands. It was as if they needed touch to know they were real.

"Oh love, it's so good to see you, and looking so well!"

"I was going to say the same about you. I didn't recognise you until you said your name."

"I had no idea all of that had happened to you, it's crazy."

"Yeah, well, in my line of work you come across the crazy more often than you'd like."

"Still, if you hadn't ended up on that dirty mattress I'd still be out there turning tricks. Instead I've turned my life around. I've got a new job, a new place. Things are looking up and it's thanks to you. Well, you and your friend. Who is this mysterious angel who swept in and called the ambulance for me?"

"Porthos, his name is Porthos."

"Give him my thanks. He doesn't know it but he saved my life that day."

Aramis smiled. "He saves my life practically every day."

"He does sound like a real angel. Best keep hold of him."

"Oh he can't get rid of me that easily."

A car horn beeped outside.

"Here's my ride. Take care of yourself, Aramis."

"You too, I'll see you next time." He waved and watched her go.

Ivy was right.

Once again, he thought - She was right.

Porthos was an angel.

And Aramis was lucky to have him.


AN: So a one line note for this prompt - Porthos carries Aramis, drugs? - got a bit out of hand, ha.

Shoutout to Seafret for providing the soundtrack and inspiration for this one, because with her straw-blonde hair, her arms hard and lean Flea's the "angel of small death and the codeine scene" :D

We're still in the modern AU for the next one, it's a follow up to the very first chapter.