At first, Leonardo could convince himself he'd managed to drift off.

Images rolled over his closed eyes, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he congratulated himself on managing sleep despite his circumstances. It was this consciousness of his state of mind, though, that tipped him off to the fact that he wasn't really dreaming.

He found the alternative quite unwelcome, though, and tried to prove to himself that he actually was dreaming by trying to open his eyes.

To his dismay, his eyes easily opened at his command, proving that he was still awake. The images were not dreams.

His sight had adjusted to the darkness a little, and he could see the silhouettes of his slumbering brothers on his either side. Well, two of his brothers. He held those two brothers tighter, like if he didn't, they might disappear, too.

The second thing that he wanted to convince himself of but couldn't was that they would wake soon.

Leo's anxiety to get moving towards returning back to the city and finding Mikey pushed a surge of adrenaline through his heart and veins every time he thought he was just about to settle down, dashing any hope of real rest. Any such adrenaline had since worn off from his younger brothers, though they would try their best-had always been trying their best- to retrieve their missing family. As much as Leo wanted to wake them and get started, they had been working nonstop and deserved as much rest as they could get.

Knowing Donnie's unhealthily strict worth ethic and Raph's sleeplessness when someone was in danger, that probably meant they would sleep well into the day after reaching the much-strived-for checkpoint of returning Leo.

The eldest turtle found himself growing ever more restless as the minutes ticked by, but he would remain by their sides for their sake. He resigned himself to close his eyes once more and let his head fall back against the sofa. He tried to focus on the patter of the rain, though it proved less easy, as the weather grew gentler by the minute.

More images danced across his eyes, ones that he'd been forced to recognize not as dreams, but as memories.

The memories he'd retained from his time prior to retromutation were clear as day now. The ones he regained from his time as a regular turtle proved to be… different. He realized it had taken him so long to recognize them as memories because they felt like dreams.

His perception of reality as a tiny turtle must have been significantly altered; those memories almost seemed modified, like a movie. They didn't feel like his perception. The images and the feelings attached were much too… simple.

He remembered feeling indifferent, most of the time, sometimes excited, sometimes scared, never conflicted. It was much too uncomplicated to be him.

Yet, in each of the memories, he saw the telltale glare against glass that told him he was in an aquarium of sorts. That must have been what the guys contained him in.

But much alike a dream, dreams tended to fade easily. Nightmares stuck around. And his "nightmares" as a turtle were the first things he remembered.

"Well, congratulations! You protected Splinter Junior. Way to go! I hope you're happy with the son you chose, because Donnie's working himself to death, and Mikey might be-"

Raph's outburst had driven him to hide behind one of the rocks in his tank. He had just been a little turtle, scared of some fight that could endanger him.

Watching the scene for the second time, fear for his own safety was not the main reason the sentence struck his heart. Would Mikey have been saved if not for him?

He tried to replay the memory once more to answer his question, but others flooded into his mind, all times he'd been scared.

He remembered bits and pieces of their fight for New York, and flight from it, mostly when his tank had been unsettled and he had been afraid of flying out. Only bits and pieces entered his mind, but he quickly got the gist of it.

He remembered when Raph had pounded the table, not realizing it would upset Leo, and recalled Raphael's apologetic expression afterwards, although at the time, Leo hadn't read it as such.

Then the "nightmares" were over, though the memories to follow didn't tug at his heart any less.

Raphael watched over him, talked to him. His words were distorted through water and memory, but Leo could still hear his voice. He sounded so broken.

Leo caught brief glimpses of Donnie's exhausted face, and he subconsciously gave his slumbering genius brother a comforting pat, inviting him to stay deeply at rest for as long as he needed.

His brothers had gone through so much in the time he'd been gone. Leo cursed himself for not being there.

He didn't regret taking the retromutagen for Raph. His immediate younger brother deserved to stay how he was, how he'd worked so hard to be: strong and reliable. Leo knew however tough and uncaring the hothead might act, everything he did, he did to be there for his family. Leo wasn't going to let the retromutagen take that all away from Raphael.

But he cursed himself for not being there for them, too. If only they hadn't left Mikey behind for his sake. Mikey would have cheered them up in an instant; would have made sure they got enough to eat and didn't overwork themselves.

But he was gone.

Leo held his brothers closer, reaching out spiritually to the youngest, hoping, praying, he was still there to receive his message.

"Guys…" He whispered into the unhearing room. "I'm so sorry."


Leonardo sat in silence as a few hours passed, not wanting to disturb his brothers. Eventually, the horizon out the window lit up in hues of red and orange.

Orange. He hadn't seen that color in a long time.

The bright, sunny color seeped into the room and itched at Leo's every nerve. It felt cold.

Leo couldn't take it any longer. Slowly, he slid his right arm out of Donatello's grasp, and used it to reach for a cushion atop which to rest the genius's head in place of his leg, which Donnie must have claimed as a pillow some time while he was deep in thought.

Donatello made no indication he'd noticed, continuing to let out whistling snores through the gap in his teeth.

Leo took his arm from around Raphael's shoulders as he stood. He jumped when Raph stirred, but the red-clad turtle presently stilled, letting his head fall to his chest.

Satisfied his movement had not disturbed their rest, Leo made his way to the front door and stifled the hinges' creaking as he opened it. He stepped out into the summer morning and walked off the porch.

The earth was soft under his feet, and its smell hung fresh in the air, reminding him of the recent rain.

Tire tracks in the dirt road near the front caught his attention. He approached them halfway, concluding them to be recent from the fact that the rain hadn't washed their detail away. They spelled a U-shape; whoever had come had promptly left. If he remembered correctly from last night, both vehicles were in the barn. No one they knew would have made those tracks.

Leo reasoned that someone must have lost their way out in the middle of nowhere and used the driveway to turn around, or else pulled over to wait out the worst of the rain.

He walked to the barn, avoiding the various mud puddles that littered the lawn along the way, and climbed aboard the Shellraiser.

The Shellraiser had very few compartments, and it didn't take him long to find the one inside which his swords and wraps were tucked away, just as Raph promised. He fished them out and went about dressing in his usual gear.

While it was hardly enough to make a dent in the knot in his chest, the familiarity of the swords' weight on his shoulder provided some comfort. Even though he knew they were nowhere close to going back to New York, it was like gearing up for another patrol. Like in a few minutes, he and his brothers would go to the surface to save the day.

Leo returned to the farmhouse and crept through the door. He closed it as slowly as he could, letting it ease back into place with a gentle click.

Shuffling somewhere in the house drew his attention. With a knitted brow, he peered around the corner into the dining room.

Raphael scurried around the dining room, popping his head through each doorway in what Leo settled on calling a controlled panic.

Raph came to stand in front of the empty tank resting atop the table and stared intently into it from several angles. He looked stressed; restless, like whatever worry struck him had sapped away any sleep he'd gotten.

Raph moved on from the tank and saw Leo in the doorway.

"GAH!" He jumped. Then he smiled. "Leo there you are!"

Leonardo decidedly didn't like the relief he heard in Raph's voice. He looked from his brother to the tank and put two and two together.

"Were you… looking for me?"

Raph's smile slipped, but Leo didn't get an answer, as Donnie came tumbling into the room.

"Raph, are you alright? What happened?"

Donnie's appearance had hardly been improved, either, and Leo desperately hoped it was because this was the first time he'd seen his brothers in decent lighting.

The bags under Donnie's eyes said he still had a lot of sleep to make up for.

So much for not disturbing his brothers.

"No, I'm fine," Raph said. "I just…" He gestured towards Leo. "You scared me. Ninja stealth."

Leo raised a brow.

Donnie sat down and cupped his jaw in his hand. He blinked slowly, eyes willing to keep themselves closed.

"You can still go back to sleep, you know," Leo said.

Donnie waved. "Nah. M'up now. Just need to… really wake up."

Leo nodded and looked towards the kitchen. Mikey would probably be up in a few minutes to make Donnie his morning coffee.

...Or not, Leo remembered.

The day was really off to a good start.

He busied himself with trying to make the coffee for Donnie, but it didn't feel right. It wasn't his job.

He had to read the instructions, and considering his history, he was more likely to set the kitchen on fire than make Donnie a decent cup of coffee.

Luckily, Mr. O'Neil came downstairs at that time and rescued him, taking matters into his own hands.

Leo went back to the dining room to find that Splinter and Rockwell had joined his two brothers at the table.

Wow, human Splinter would take some getting used to.

"Good morning," Leo greeted with a nod.

"Good morning, my son," Splinter replied. "How are you feeling?"

Leonardo seated himself at the table. "My mind feels like it finally sorted itself out- mostly, at least. Really, I'm more anxious to get started than anything. We have so much to do, and with so much at stake."

Splinter considered his words and shifted his gaze to Raphael and Donatello. Upon seeing his other sons' still-exhausted faces, a frown tugged at his lips, though he didn't object to Leo's haste to make progress.

Leo supposed this was because Splinter had known the middle siblings long enough to know better than to expect their complete restfulness.

Donnie gave a grateful nod to Mr. O'Neil as the man offered him a mug of coffee, and took a long sip.

Splinter reached to stroke his beard, faltered for a moment in remembering its nonexistence, and settled on reaching higher to stroke his chin. "We have been focused on retrieving you for so long. I am not even sure what the logical next step would be."

"First order of business is making sure everyone is healthy and readjusted," Donatello chimed in. "I should check on your shell; make sure it makes steady progress towards healing."

The thought of delaying them further irked Leo, especially at Mikey's expense. He clapped a hand over the infected area as if to hide it. "Don't worry about me! It's- I hardly know it's there. I'll be fine."

Donnie tilted his head. "Leo, I know you're worried about Mikey, but you'll be much more able to help him if you're healthy."

"Of- of course, I just… I…" Leo trailed off. He looked at his brothers. "What exactly happened? How did he… how did we lose him? I… I need to know how likely it is that he's actually…"

Donnie looked at Raph as if to exchange glances, but Raph turned away, keeping his face hidden.

Donnie sighed, and addressed Leo. "The Kraang had filled the sewers and streets with mutant-cell-eating gas, so we retreated to the rooftops to avoid it. But they followed us with weapons that locked onto our DNA signatures, and the gas was rising fast. We panicked and fled as fast as we could. Mikey must have gotten left behind in the chaos. I saw him fighting alongside me on one rooftop, then when we got to the meeting point, he wasn't there anymore. We tried to go back for him, but the fog blocked all possible ways back."

Leo shook his head. There were so many places Mikey could have gotten lost, so many possible things that could have happened to him depending on exactly where he was, and they didn't know where.

He gathered himself. No use dwelling in the past. "Then we need some way to combat this fog and the weapons."

"I've already been developing a solution for that," Rockwell chimed in.

"Excellent! Donnie can help you."

Rockwell held his hands up with a forced smile. "That's really not necessary. I can do it on my own."

Donatello joined Raphael in the act of hiding his face.

Leo raised a brow. "Are you done with the solution?"

"No, but I do not require assistance."

"This is a time-sensitive matter," Leo reminded him. "Believe me when I say Donnie is more than qualified for the job. You'll work faster with two heads figuring out the same problem."

"Ah. Fantastic," Rockwell said through what Leo could have sworn were clenched teeth.

Interesting. Had the two had some sort of disagreement? Leonardo considered going back on his order, but decided against it. If they were at odds, they needed to get it sorted out before their trip to New York.

"What about everyone else?" Raph asked. "What can the rest of us do?"

Leo hummed. "Well, we left our weapons stash in the city. You might want to think about what you'd do if your only weapons broke in a fight."

"I have been forging new weapons since our arrival," Splinter said.

"Great! Tell everyone who doesn't have a task that we have training in an hour. We need to be prepared and ready for our return."

Splinter stood. "I shall take inventory of what I have made so far. I believe we may be short on shurikens." He went to leave, stumbled, and collapsed.

Leo, Raph, and Donnie hovered by his side in an instant.

"Sensei, are you okay?"

Splinter picked himself up. "I am sorry to have concerned you, my sons. I am fine. After fifteen years, this body is not entirely familiar. Forgive my clumsiness." He dusted his knees off. "Perhaps it would be best for me to join you in training." He adopted a smile, half reassuring, half taunting. "While I am temporarily disadvantaged, it may be the only time you boys have a chance to beat me at sparring."

Raphael mirrored his smirk. "You're on!"

"Then let's get started," Leo said.

Being back in his gear and having a plan made him feel better.

It was good to be back.