chapter seventeen: broken

Anna was, one way or the other, utterly fascinated by the blonde's complexity. Just an appearance of a smile, a subtle crinkle of the nose, and the intimidating air around her charge disappeared completely.

The simplest of reactions and the slightest of hints were proof of the mystery Elizabeth Arendelle was veiled in. Anna wanted to be there when they pull her secrets apart. Not as an audience to the spectacle, no, but as a shoulder to lean on. A person to be trusted, just like what she told El.

She was bound to wonder where she started being so entranced by the blonde but Anna knew to track it down would only take her back to a café and a butterfly. Maybe even to a cornfield and a creek.

One thing the nurse was sure of was she wanted to be able to help her patient on their way to recovery, come what may.

"We need to think about it first," Beth nodded at her faintly, calculated blues wearing into her although the single ray of light playing on it brightened them up. "But the system… they do like Nurse Anna."

Which was… a surprise? Anna didn't know what that could mean but she guessed that most of the alters she's been with did seem to like her. Not that she was doing anything extraordinary. The nurse decided to take that as a compliment.

Gran Pabbie was correct when he said that Beth was oriented with the matters of the system. The one who handles the boring business of life, or in this case, the intricate complication of having more than one personality in the body. And she wass quite good at it. Listening to the director and the blonde's conversation, Beth sounded well-articulated. Straight-forward but never losing her politeness.

Anna silently watched the exchange happen before her until Doctor Pablo invited her back to the conversation. Mr. Arendelle was asking about the arrangements if something like his suggestion earlier were to be organised.

"If Nurse Anna were to agree with us, then she could have the same schedule she had here." Gran Pabbie at least had the courtesy to look embarrassed about not talking to her about his plan before recommending it to all of them. Anna squinted her eyes at him. "Ultimately, it would be better to just discuss it once you've decided if Ms. Arendelle were to come home. Nurse Anna?" he called. The nurse perked up. "I hope you don't mind having to go over this again next time."

"If we decided so," Mr. Arendelle added.

"Of course," the doctor chuckled. "Once you've decided. In the meantime, Ms. Arendelle will have to undergo an evaluation to make sure she's stable enough for a discharge. The Head Nurse would assess her first and, if needed, so would I. Afterwards, I'd let you know the results."

The following steps were made to follow Doctor Pablo's directives. Anna wheeled the blonde downstairs silently, leaving the steely air Mr. Arendelle and Jack were bathing in along with the director.

..

When Anna told Mrs. Megara about the doctor's orders, they were sent to the tidy yet incredibly claustrophobic box room that was the assessment room. The lack of windows was an architectural mistake, Anna decided. The place couldn't possibly be planned this way. Save for a small stool and a pristine looking bed, it was empty of anything else. It looked more of a confinement room than their actual ones, to her amusement.

She had been there before with the same patient but the redheaded nurse told herself that Beth had never been there before. The blonde sat uncomfortably in her wheelchair, looking at their only exit with a distinguished amount of curtness in her eyes. Anna's staring was soon met with a raised brow after seconds. Anna pretended she wasn't hell-bent on observing her charge by clearing her throat and shifting her gaze to the empty wall behind the blonde.

The awkward silence was so much heavier than how it should be. Anna took a deep breath, catching Beth's attention effortlessly once more. Time took its sweet time as it passed.

It's getting hot in here.

Anna was certain that the blonde had turned her attention elsewhere. To the door, maybe, since Beth appeared to dislike this room as much as she did. Green eyes slowly returned to their favourite view, unexpectedly discovering blue ones directed at her.

Anna's cheeks grew warm.

Mrs. Megara was definitely preparing for this assessment at her own pace.

Beth's collected smile responded to her. "Yes?"

She had been watching her charge every single minute of her time with them. Taking notes on foretelling signs of switching, observing how each and every personality acted. That's what Collin A. Ross and the many sources regarding DID taught her. To watch, and see, and try to understand. Simple things, all of it. Words that described what the disorder was, videos from people with DID themselves talking about it. All taught her how to look out for the signs and what could they mean.

But every time she looked for the clues of switches and watched for the changes on her patient to occur, Anna found herself so mystified still. The blonde was not a stranger to her. Days, from sunrise to sunset, were focused solely on the blue-eyed girl.

Yet Anna still didn't know who the person in front of her was.

If the nurse didn't know, she would've thought it was El fronting. Beth had the same calm expression the host usually wore, but El didn't have such a presence as the woman in front of her had. Hair still tousled from when Olaf was out and stuffed rabbit still resting on her hands, the woman before her exuded control. Beth was prim as if she was sitting on an office chair instead of a wheelchair.

Even in her state of dishevelment, the blonde was a sight to see. Her platinum locks looked like it was intended to look just like that, swept nonchalantly with strands falling into place perfectly. Beth's face wasn't as transparent as the others, an opaque wall hiding her emotions within, but the small lift in the corner of her lips resembled much of a smirk. But even then, Anna could easily recall the twinkle of tears in Olaf's eyes. It's almost like it was still there, hiding behind the clear focus of Beth's gaze. Just the strange mixture of characters in those orbs was fascinating. Like a swirl of contrasting colours blending in together harmoniously.

Anna was still so lost in them.

The last time she was faced with Beth, there was nothing in the air but a few exchanged words. Recovering still, the blonde didn't show much of her character to Anna, but now, the nurse could see it bright as day.

This alter… This woman commanded attention, pulled every breath leaving Anna's body, and held it captive, all with the greatest poise Anna had seen.

It looked like her princess grew up to be a fine queen.

"Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?" Anna asked politely, snapping out of her daydream.

Trivial questions to ask, yet required ones. She was still the blonde's nurse after all. Even if she barely knew who was fronting.

Beth wrapped a hand on the beige rabbit she had, shifting slightly in response to her question. "I am… with someone else," she declared, swallowing slowly. "You know that right?"

Nodding, Anna took a deep breath, eyes fixated on the way a pale arm hugged the toy bunny. "Is Olaf still around?"

"Yes," Beth said straightforwardly. "I hope it isn't too much to ask you not to leave. He's just a child and…"

"And he needs someone to look out for him if and when he comes out," Anna finished for her with a grin, taking the request wholeheartedly. "Of course, Beth. I will."

Beth returned the smile at her. "Thank you."

The blonde seemed content just staring at her afterwards. Anna ought to feel uncomfortable, but she knew that she wasn't being scrutinised like what Mr. Arendelle did to her earlier with his cold eyes. No. Beth was simply… doing the same thing the nurse was doing to her.

Observing.

Or maybe dissociating. It could be both.

At the same time, too. Anna turned to stand up but her charge's eyes followed her. Stretching with a groan, the redhead maintained the smile on her face. "You still there?"

The blonde chuckled, dipping her head yes. "The little's being hard to reason with."

"Does he want to be out?"

"On the most unfortunate of times," Beth quipped, her tone carrying her words lightly. "Being in the inner world gets a little too stifling sometimes so I couldn't judge too much."

"Wait… inner world?" Anna asked, curious as to what Beth could share about it.

An internal world – or inner world – was described as a headspace in which all the alters could interact. A world inside the mind in which the alternate personalities could manifest as if in real life. Anna knew all of that only by ink on paper so hearing it from the blonde interested her.

But Beth didn't seem like she wanted to answer Anna's curiosity. With a remarkably stiff voice, she said, "Yes."

When Beth didn't extrapolate more, the nurse took it upon herself to shut up and respect her silence. The result of her natural curiosity mixing with her duty as a nurse was green eyes widening into a puppy-stare as she wished the blonde would take pity on her and let her know more. A little bit manipulative, yes, but still keeping her distance away, enough for her patient to decide if she wanted to give in to the unspoken prying.

"Yes?" Anna whispered hopefully.

Beth was amused by that if her entertained hum was anything to go by. The blonde shook her head at the nurse's ridiculousness. "Yes. Inner world."

Anna brightened up as she was given a chance by the blonde. "Do you see Olaf there often?"

"Yes. After all, I prefer to be in the inner world than to be fronting."

With a guess, Anna pressed on. "Do you… prefer to be inside because you're the gatekeeper?"

Beth's nose twitched yet her polite smile didn't change. "I don't think I like the word gatekeeper." Anna winced internally at herself at the response. "But I am somehow responsible with how the others appear, so you are correct."

The alter's words have a lot of insinuations. It meant that Beth had control over who's out and fronting. If she was, then there's a huge chance that she knew about the persecutor, although Anna wasn't sure about that.

She recalled Doctor Pablo saying that Beth refused to share anything about the persecutor though. It wouldn't be a farfetched assumption to think that Beth knew about them. Then that would bring up the idea of Beth having failed her role and not stopping the persecutor.

Anna pulled her thoughts to a stop. That was an allegation that couldn't be taken lightly, especially since she didn't know much about how the system worked internally. For now, she stored the thoughts in a neat box to be revisited later.

"Ahh," Anna sighed, contemplating what she just realised.

Beth only blinked at her, forehead wrinkling into a frown. "Don't do that."

Stilling her movements, the nurse's eyebrows climbed up. "Excuse me?"

"No, not you," Beth replied, pursing her lips. "Not you, Nurse Anna."

Then it must be Olaf. Anna was still astounded with how the blonde talked to herself and how she was seemingly getting through the other alters in her head.

Raising a hand, Beth pinched her nose, sighing gently. "You can come out later."

Beth, just like Seven that morning, was placating the little, although a bit more sternly than the guy did. Anna was caught up in how her patient worked. From the annoyed little huff she was making to the way her throat bobbed up and down as she gulped. The blonde was a working puzzle, one that didn't have an exact way of solving it. Filled with mystery and secrets not even every alter knew.

Anna remembered how Beth agreed to what Jack was proposing earlier. She couldn't help but voice out her question as she tried to stop the creepy way she was leering at the blonde. "Do you really think that it's better for you to stay at home rather than to be here like Jack said?"

Opening her eyes once again, Beth gave her a curious glance. "He did make a huge point, didn't he?"

Yes, he did, but still, weren't they here for a reason? Because they were on the lookout for the persecutor?

"So if it wasn't for what happened, you'd think of staying here?" Anna rebutted. "Weren't you having troubles with the persecutor?"

"Nurse Anna," the blonde stopped her tirade. Anna just about swallowed her tongue as a sharp frown got directed to her. "There are things I can't discuss with you."

right.

If Doctor Pablo, a smart, witty old troll couldn't get through Beth, the chances were slim against Anna. But the nurse, unlike the director, was unethically nosy, and after a pregnant pause, she found her mouth flapping open.

"Why not?"

To say that Beth was taken aback would be putting it lightly. The blonde was completely dumbfounded by her question. Anna couldn't believe herself, too. Wasn't she just thinking of respecting the alter's boundaries?

Beth – calm and collected as she was – gawked at her.

Anna found a reoccurring thing in the system. It's the look of contemplation, thinking of any means to answer her question when they refuse to say or didn't know the answer. She must've rendered Beth speechless and at a loss as her face relaxed and sooner than Anna could realise, a childish snort rang through the air.

Turning to the side, the blonde looked around the room, gaze finally returning to the nurse after moments. Fingers played on the rabbit's ears as the smile her charge had become boisterous. "Hello."

"Hi, Olaf," she greeted back. Beth must've lost grip on the front, letting the little swoop in time. Anna felt a little guilty in causing that, but she really couldn't turn back time and stop herself from talking.

It seemed that Beth still was fighting for control as the blonde stared at Anna quietly, lips getting stuck between teeth and humming softly as if getting scolded.

Mrs. Megara chose that moment to make an appearance.

The preoccupied blonde's arm was taken as the Head Nurse measured her blood pressure. The older woman sent Anna an inquiring look but all she could offer was a shrug.

"I'm sorry about that," the blonde – Beth – blinked finally, "I… Olaf wanted to be out."

"That's alright," Mrs. Megara assured, smiling at the blonde. "We're just going to have a physical check and I'm going to ask a few questions. Take your time, please."

A sad whine came out of the blonde, surprising both nurses. Eyes coming to the stethoscope on Mrs. Megara's form, the patient grabbed it at once, cooing all the while. "Ooooh! What's this?" Before anyone could answer that, Beth got a hold of the little again, firmly saying, "Stop that." The blonde pouted. "I'm sorry."

As interesting it was to watch the switches happen in real-time as two alters fought for the front, Anna couldn't deny that the scene was a little uneasy.

The nurse knew what's happening, knew that the mind was switching from one consciousness to another. Yet, at the end of the day, here in the assessment room, the blonde simply looked like she was talking to herself, uttering words that weren't directed at anyone else but the people in her mind.

And it was proof to Anna that the blonde wasn't okay. Broken even. With multiple parts that were still not quite whole, but distinct enough to see.

As green eyes loitered on her patient's form, Anna wondered about the tragedy, the trauma that the blonde had to endure to be fragmented like this. Her Elsa was traumatised beyond what the blonde could ever handle and that thought made Anna weak in the knees, the pain in her chest illuminated only by the subtle breaths she was taking.

..

Right after Mrs. Megara's assessment, Olaf kicked Beth out of the body successfully.

The blonde was eating a sausage with his bare hands, but the little didn't seem to mind as he was transported back to room 031 with Mr. Arendelle and Jack tailing them.

"Where are we going?" he said, leaning his head back to peer at the nurse. "Are we going home?"

"Yes, Olaf." Unfortunately. Sadly.

Anna wanted to grumble about being separated from her patient but there's nothing she could do. Beth decided that she wanted to be discharged and she had both of her guardians to make sure it was executed.

"Are you excited to go home, Olaf?" Jack chimed from behind her.

Anna didn't know why but she's grown a little annoyed with the man. Reminding herself that she had no right to be jealous of him – he was there before her and had helped the blonde immensely for so long – she tried to keep a neutral face as the two spoke to each other.

Just as they arrived at room 031, the small group noticed Nurse Ralph jogging up to them.

"Mr. Arendelle?" he asked, approaching the man swiftly. "The director wanted to talk to you."

"Again?" Eyebrows rising, Mr. Arendelle nodded as Ralph uttered a confirmation.

"It seemed that there's something that came up."

Ralph led the old man back to the second floor, not without giving a curious Anna a half shrug. Once they arrived at the blonde's room, the Head Nurse greeted them.

"Nurse Anna," she began, "Ms. Arendelle's belongings are now ready to be taken."

Grumpily, Anna nodded and turned to follow her when Jack joined on their conversation. "Can I check if everything's there then?"

If Jack was implying that something could be missing, then Anna was offended by the notion. He didn't have to rub on their faces how distrustful he was with them.

That put them in a predicament, however, as to who the blonde would be left with. With a grouchy tone, Jack then told her to stay put with their patient, volunteering to go by himself. He didn't look too happy with leaving the blonde, with the nurse of all people.

Anna thought maybe he'd grown a dislike for her, too.

Seems fair.

Nearing her patient who was steadily smearing the shirt he was wearing with the sauce from his hands, Anna smiled cheerfully at Olaf.

"Do you like the sauce?"

"Mhmm," was the bright reply. While he was busy chomping down the rest of his snack, however, Anna noticed something hidden on the blonde's neckline.

The green of the shirt made it almost invisible but not to Anna's keen eyes. With red stains on the blonde's collarbone, it was most efficiently hidden. Only Anna knew what that bulge in the front of her patient's shirt looked like.

Like cables.

When Olaf moved to bite down on the sausage he was holding, the nurse could see a patch of silver peeking out from inside the blonde's shirt.

The object quickly registered in Anna's brain. It was a stethoscope. Maybe even Mrs. Megara's stethoscope. The means on how her patient got it was eluding her – how the hell did he get that through us? – but she was steadily impressed with the little's swift fingers.

"Olaf?"

The blonde turned to look at her. Olaf's glaring difference with Beth was more pronounced now, wide eyes and ketchup all over his face.

"What's that on your shirt?"

With mouth full and hands stilling in the air, the blonde lied timidly, "Nothing?"

If Anna wasn't wholeheartedly confused with Olaf's motives on acquiring the piece, she would have cooed over his adorableness. That's what the blonde was right now. Adorable. No piercing gaze from blue eyes, there was only cute, childish distress on it from getting caught.

She still had to get that back from him.

"Olaf," Anna warned, reaching a palm out. "C'mon. Give it back."

Instead of following her orders, the blonde swallowed roughly. Gripping the armrests of the wheelchair, he dropped his feet to the ground and shimmied further from her, pushing his chair as the wheels rolled back.

"Olaf," she repeated, strictly this time.

"It's nothing!" the little guaranteed, obviously lying through his sausage-filled teeth. "Iuughwoughyaa."

What the heck does that mean?

Stepping closer to the blonde, Anna planted both palms on her side. "I'm going to count three."

Olaf only stared at her, slowly chewing and eyes turned downward, stubbornness clear on his face. Anna wouldn't back down from his tricks.

"One."

He stayed on his seat, unmoving. Anna stalked closer causing him to repeat his previous action, distancing himself once again.

"Two."

The nurse seemed like she wasn't going to win this standoff. Number three rang loud in the air and the blonde was still munching on his sausage like he wasn't hearing anything.

So be it.

Anna, carefully yet assertively, dashed before him, pulling the earpiece and the tubing inside the blonde's clothes. Olaf grabbed the chest piece just in time, tugging it back. Wondering where the little got his strength from – wasn't he just crying earlier this morning due to his wound? – the nurse tightened her grip on the stem, desperate to get it from him.

"Olaf, give it back!"

The blonde shook his head fervently. "No! It's mine!"

Ready to give the little a talking to, she swatted the thought on her head and focused on the unyielding hold the blonde had on the other end. The ear tube was slowly getting mangled on her hands but the stethoscope held through the pressure it was getting put under. Anna didn't know that stethoscopes could withhold such aggression.She should ask Mrs. Megara where on Earth she bought the damned thing.

Sitting on the ground in front of her patient, the nurse exerted more force than she was doing. Pulling with all her might, Anna leaned back strongly. Olaf's grip still wouldn't let on and that caused the blonde to topple due to her strength, falling heavily on Anna's body from the wheelchair.

If their previous antics didn't aggravate the wound on the blonde's stomach, this certainly did it. Olaf let go of the other end of the stethoscope and was now holding his abdomen, face scrunched up in pain.

The loud wail registered in Anna's mind faster than anything did and she froze on her spot from the floor.

Holy shit. She just caused undue stress to her patient. Anna panicked, holding the blonde on the shoulders as she sat up. Olaf's crying only intensified, hunching forward with a sob. She couldn't very well move from her position with the blonde's weight pinning her down. With hushed words, Anna tried to calm him down. "I'm sorry, oh God. I'm so sorry. It's fine, Olaf, it's okay, just please don't cry."

If Jack were to come in right at this moment, he'd have more reasons to dislike her. Who the hell initiates a fight with a patient? An injured one at that!

Anna didn't know what to do to calm him down. With his cries getting more guttural, she wrapped an arm around the blonde's midsection and the other on his back, hauling him up so she could carry her charge to a more comfortable place.

Olaf must have known he was being carried as his arms took purchase around Anna's neck, legs wrapping around her hips. It definitely looked like she was holding a toddler. Except this toddler was in the body of a full-grown woman and Anna didn't know how the scene would look like to an outsider.

Their new station seemed to soothe Olaf down somewhat, though, as his sobs burned down to little hiccups. Embracing the nurse tightly, his teary face found her neck, sniffing loudly. Anna's skin tingled from where he was touching her, and she swayed around as if lulling him to sleep.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Olaf liked the babying he was receiving as his stress died down after minutes. Her arms were complaining by then. Not because the blonde was heavy, no – her charge was light as air, but because she couldn't move them as doing so would make her lose her grip.

Anna was realising how inefficient her hold was and she tried to walk to the bed behind them with little steps. Just before she could take her first one, however, the blonde pulled back from her neck, staring at her warily as the tears in them were chased away by the fluttering of eyelids.

Blue eyes looked at Anna and down to their quite intimate proximity. The blonde opened their mouth and with a disturbed frown, uttered, "Eugh."

Anna wondered if it was one of Olaf's undecipherable words but the way the blonde was steadily pulling away was taking a toll on her weak grip.

A loud chortle hit the air.

On the corner of her eye, Mr. Arendelle was clapping his hands, a concerned Jack beside him with the blonde's luggage on the floor. He approached them quickly, and the blonde's disgusted yet confused look turned to Anna sharply once blue eyes saw their new audience. "The fuck?"

Olaf probably didn't know how to curse. Which meant that…

Anna's eyes widened. The blonde had successfully reached the floor, shaking off the hand underneath his butt. Weak arms let go of her charge and Seven's troubled grimace greeted her first hand.

"That's got to be the messiest way I've ever seen someone calm down a child," Mr. Arendelle guffawed. If someone were to tell Anna that the man in front of her was the same one in the Director's office earlier, she would be suspicious of their mental state.

But this was the same Mr. Arendelle from earlier. Anna could feel cold sweat dripping down her neck. "How… how long were you there?"

"Since you were playing tug-of-war with Olaf," he replied joyously.

Which meant that he was there to see how the blonde was literally dragged to the floor by the nurse. An uncomfortable ball lodged itself on Anna's throat, but before she could lament about losing the chance to take care of the blonde due to her actions, Mr. Arendelle's heavy hand landed on her shoulder.

Her heart stopped but the kind smile he was wearing eased her down. "You're definitely something, Nurse Laurent."

Mr. Arendelle patted Seven in the back, grinning at him and brushing his bangs away from his face. Anna still couldn't believe he didn't scream at her, mouth opened slightly as the blonde frowned at her.

"What the fuck happened?" Seven inquired tensely, looking at the nurse as he wiped down the tears and the red sauce on his face. Explaining what happened to him would take a lot of time. For now, Anna found herself releasing a deep sigh.