Big love to Hadley and Liv for helping with this chapter!

Thank you for reading, and offering your thoughts on this story. See you next Friday!


Chapter Twenty-Two

I stay on the couch, trying to fit bits and pieces of past dreams together. None of them make sense, the smaller fragments not creating a full picture.

If my dream was actually a memory, though, I was engaged to Edward. I was going to throw away any possibility of being placed with someone and choose him. The realization makes my heart stutter, and my eyes blur.

But then I'm reminded that ultimately we didn't end up choosing each other. We broke up. We both had the Procedure, and I'll never know why. If it's possible I'm starting to remember our past, and we're falling for each other a second time, I don't know how.

I've never heard of the surgery being faulty, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's foolproof, either. We aren't supposed to dream after the Procedure, yet some of us do. Maybe memories resurfacing is another side effect that's not talked about.

Closing my eyes, I replay the memory of us in my bed once again, trying my best to hold onto it. I concentrate on the things that didn't immediately stand out at first, eager for any and all details. Like how the room was dark. And how Edward was on the verge of leaving, the overall sense of a goodbye prominent. But it wasn't an ending—it was definitely a beginning. I hold on a little longer to the vision, focusing on the sensation of his mouth on my skin and the sound of his laughter. We were happy. Really fucking happy. It makes me yearn for him even more now. It makes me desperate for insight into what happened and why we ended up as strangers.

Reluctantly, I open my eyes and let the flashback disappear. Even if I'm lucky to recall this snapshot of what once was, I doubt I'll ever fully remember every moment we've shared. But maybe I'm not supposed to. People get the Procedure for a reason. They drift apart and fall out of love. They move on and get placed. The thought of this occurring between us makes my heart ache in a way that I've never experienced before. I'm devastated knowing that Edward and I didn't work out. The way I'm feeling for him right now, so fucking hopeful and excited, doesn't explain why we would've parted ways.

With a deep breath, I leave the couch and walk into the kitchen. The house is quiet, both doors at the end of the hall still shut. Lauren must be in Edward's room. Maybe that shouldn't bother me, but it does.

I'm about to grab a glass from the cabinet when I see a paper on the counter with my name scrawled on the front.

It's folded once, and I open it.

It's from Edward.

I asked Lauren to give this to you if you stop by, but I have no real way of knowing if you'll come looking for me. I tried calling, but you didn't answer. I have to take care of something important, but I'll be back Wednesday. I'll be thinking about you the entire time. There are so many things I want to say to you, but leaving it all in a note feels wrong. Like saying that I love you? That might be too heavy for this tiny slip of paper. But it's true. Leaving doesn't feel right without letting you know that, so you're just gonna have to suck it up if it's too much for you to hear. I love you, and I'll see you soon. Please be safe.

Edward's name is signed at the bottom, along with the double hearts we drew on my car window yesterday. I trace them with my finger, and my tears sprinkle onto the page.

He loves me. He'll be back tomorrow, and he loves me.

This entire time I thought history doesn't repeat itself. That's what we're taught to believe. But maybe Edward and I weren't history to begin with. Maybe we reacted irrationally or too impulsively. Maybe I'll never fully know what went wrong. But our story wasn't finished, and this is why, even after having each other erased, we're still in love.

Anticipation bubbles in my throat. I can't wait to tell him everything.

I read the note three times, then the creaking of the floor startles me. I turn around to find Lauren standing in the doorway. She flips on the light, and we both blink against the sudden brightness. I watch her eyes flit toward the letter in my hands, and I instinctively fold it shut.

"What are you doing?" she asks, yawning.

"I found this."

"I forgot to give it to you last night. Sorry."

She watches me closely, and I discreetly wipe under my eyes, trying not to let on how vulnerable I am right now.

"It says he'll be back tomorrow," I tell her, unable to keep the hope out of my voice. I'm more desperate than ever to talk to him.

Lauren begins to speak, but she pauses to clear her throat. "Look, I'm really appreciative of you helping Esme, but you should probably go home, okay?"

I blink, kind of shocked at her bluntness. I didn't expect us to be best friends or anything after I helped her out with Esme, but I guess I thought she'd be a little more friendly.

"Right."

Reality sets in. Just because everything's turned upside down right now, it doesn't mean I get to just disappear. I can't hide away here, waiting for Edward to return. I need to call Emmett and Rose's parents to see if they've heard anything. In a couple of hours, I need to go to work. But I stay in place, unable to leave quite yet because there's an ache in my chest that won't go away.

I want answers, and I deserve them. Maybe then I'll leave.

"What?" Lauren asks, maybe sensing my curiosity.

"I had a really weird dream," I tell her.

"And?"

"It was about Edward. Like maybe I knew him before," I say, gauging her reaction.

"Before what?"

"Before I met him a week ago? It was strange."

"Dreams are strange," she says. "And aren't they supposed to be rare after Procedures?"

"How do you know I've had the Procedure?"

I'm scrutinizing her too closely not to notice the way she falters. "I mean, hasn't everybody?" she asks, almost like it was a stupid question to ask.

"Not necessarily," I reply. "Have you?"

She shrugs like it's no big deal. "I have two scars behind my ear, so I must have."

I think about Edward's two Procedures. If one of them was the result of having me removed, I wonder who the other was. My mind goes straight to Lauren, and a burst of jealousy explodes in my stomach. But it's irrational. Even if they dated and had the Procedure, they wouldn't know. And I'm the one he's falling for a second time. Not her.

"I wouldn't read too much into the dream, okay?" she says, giving me a pointed look.

Her tone is a little too cool, and I narrow my eyes. But this is how she's supposed to act, as if Edward and I were never together. It's the law. I can't blame her for following the rules and staying in line. That was me, too… until recently.

Esme's cough sounds from down the hall, diverting my attention.

"Is she okay?" I ask.

"I don't think the antibiotics are gonna perform magic overnight. But I'm sure she'll be fine. Thank you again," she says carefully. "I won't forget this." Though she just thanked me, her voice is lacking a certain warmth.

"You don't like me, do you?" I ask without thinking.

Her chin juts out a bit. "Why do you think that? I don't even know you."

It's bold, and I don't even know for certain, but I ask anyway. "Don't you, though?"

Her expression falters for a second time. "What?"

"Will you cut the bullshit and tell me? Please?"

"Tell you what?" she asks, voice quieter.

Pepper pounces into the room and howls at Lauren. It almost makes me smile, like even the cat is on my side.

"Have we met before yesterday?" I push. "Did I know Edward before? Was he the one—"

"No," she interrupts, shaking her head. "Even if that were true, you know I can't say anything."

"But I wouldn't tell anyone," I say desperately. "I just need some of this to make sense. Please, Lauren. You have to tell me if you know anything."

"I really don't. And I can't."

"Wouldn't you want to know? If you had such a strong feeling about someone, wouldn't you want to know if you had been with them before?" She must think it's rhetorical because she doesn't answer. "Edward gave me this, right?" I ask, holding up my hand to show her the ring.

She regards me for longer than is comfortable or polite. I convince myself that maybe she's weighing the pros and cons of telling me the truth.

In the end, she doesn't tell me anything other than to leave.

So, I do. And I take Pepper with me.

XXX

The bus ride home is cold and lonely. I keep Pepper tucked inside my coat, her little head peeking out the top, her paws on the foggy glass. I get some weird looks from strangers, but I ignore them, keeping to myself.

The closer we get to my house, the more I vibrate with anxiety. I'm nervous about what I'm going to find—or not find—when I get home. I doubt Rose is there; I think I would've heard something by now. Part of me feels guilty for not going home last night. But there's nothing I could've done, and the selfish and scared part of me didn't want to be alone. I didn't necessarily feel comforted with having Lauren and Esme down the hall while I slept, but being in my own house and letting my mind run wild with images of Rose being taken would've sent me into a spiral.

Even now, tears threaten to fall, and I try not to think about it too much.

So I replay the memory of Edward and me in bed over and over again. Part of me is worried if I stop thinking about it, it will disappear. Like it never existed.

Pepper licks my nose, easing the sting in my heart just a little.

I can't help but feel frustrated I'm left with so many unanswered questions. I'm caught in this state of uncertainty, but I'm not even allowed to talk about it with anyone. Maybe Rose would tell me the truth, but she's not here. When I bring this up to Edward, it's not like he's going to be able to actually remember anything since he would've had all memories of us removed, too. I might sound like a crazy person mentioning this to him.

Maybe I could ask Emmett. I think after everything, he would tell me the truth. I decide that's what I'll do. Next time I see or hear from Em, I'll come clean about Edward and where I actually was the night Rose disappeared. And maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to give me insight into my past.

XXX

The house is quiet without Rose. I call her parents, then Emmett, but no one answers their phones. It's still kind of early, though, so I ease my nerves by telling myself they'll call me back soon. Besides, they might not have any information yet. Maybe no news is good news at this point.

With an hour until work, I tear apart my room while Pepper explores her new space. I need some kind of clue, something, anything that will tell me if I'm right about Edward. I need some trinket or letter or photo as evidence that we were together, so when I tell him, I'll be able to back up my theory.

I turn my room upside down. Drawers are emptied, and clothes are strewn about. The contents of my closet end up on my bed and the floor.

I come up empty-handed though. I really don't even know what I'm looking for. Without actually seeing a photo of Edward or having his name scrawled on something, nothing means anything.

Resentment for the Procedure begins to burn around the edges of my heart. What's the point of taking our memories? What purpose does that serve? Why aren't we allowed to make our own decisions when it comes to love?

Without knowledge, there is no power.

Without memories, we're bound to make the same mistakes over and over again.

But maybe we're not meant to be the ones with the power. Maybe that's the way the government wants it. Bitterness begins to boil inside of me. Edward was right. About everything. And I was too stubborn to realize it at the time.

I'm about to call off my search and get ready for work when something on my desk catches my eye.

A paper crane.

Or more aptly, an origami swan.

I step over clothes and shoes and pick it up, staring at it like it holds the answers to my past.

The folded paper is bare, free of any drawings. It's not really a clue, but it does jog something in my memory. It reminds me of the origami swan Edward had that day of his Procedure, but that one had double hearts drawn on one side.

The double hearts.

Just like the ones we drew on my foggy car window before I left his house yesterday. And the hearts on his note today.

I swallow back my emotions because this has to mean something. It must. It's not concrete, by any means, but it feels like I'm moving in the right direction. It's too much of a coincidence to be nothing.

Someone knocks on my front door, so I fold the origami swan quickly and stick it in my back pocket, along with Edward's note.

Though my heart wants it to be Edward or Rose standing on my porch, I'm not expecting it. It's probably Emmett or even Rose's parents. But when I open the door, I'm surprised to find James.

His eyes are wild, and his face is pale and creased with worry.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I was worried about you," he replies, moving past me to let himself in.

"Worried? Why?"

Pepper struts into the room and rubs herself on James' leg, stealing his focus for a second.

"When did you get a cat?" he asks.

"She's a stray. Wait, why are you here so early?"

He regards me for a moment, blinking slowly. "You didn't hear?"

My stomach sinks. "Hear what?"

"It's all over the news," he says carefully like he doesn't want to rip the Band-Aid quite yet.

"What is?" I ask frantically, shutting the front door.

"Emmett and Rose," is all he says. "They tried to run."

Anger and fear rise up my chest, heating my neck and face. "What do you mean they tried to run?" I rush past him to turn on the television. I toss throw pillows onto the floor until I find the remote and turn on the news.

The first thing I see is the news anchor standing in a snowy field with the electric fence looming behind her. I can't focus on her words, too caught up with the thought that maybe they're wrong. Maybe it was someone else who tried to flee. It couldn't be them.

But then an old picture of Emmett and Rose is on the screen, and my stomach drops.

"How?" I whisper, but James stays silent next to me.

We watch in horror as a news anchor recalls the details of what went down in a chilling voice.

In the middle of the night, Emmett and Rose tried to flee, but they were caught. During their struggle to get away from the authorities, Emmett shot two enforcers and was injured himself, but we aren't told how.

All of it feels off, like I'm hearing a story about someone else. Emmett doesn't have a gun. I don't even think he'd know how to use one.

"I don't understand," I mumble through tears. "Em was just here with me yesterday afternoon. How could this happen?"

James brings a hand up to my shoulder, but I barely register the touch.

"It's a fucking nightmare," he mumbles. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

Slowly, I sit down on the couch, covering my mouth with my hand. My mind spins as the anchor reports matter-of-factly. She says that the enforcers received an anonymous tip about an indiscretion that was taking place. Shortly after, Rose was taken in for questioning and then Emmett the next day. They must have come for him after he left here yesterday. It's unclear how Rose and Emmett were able to get away from the enforcers to even attempt to flee. There's an investigation to look into the authorities who were in charge of them during their confinement to ensure there isn't another breach like this.

The anchor highlights the fact that Emmett and Rose are having an affair, and Rose is pregnant. She also mentions that Em and Kate have just adopted a baby. Her tone is sympathetic when she reads a statement from Kate, stating how devastated she is by this betrayal, and that she and Liam will never recover.

The story is spun to favor Kate. My brother and best friend are painted in a horrible, appalling light for merely falling in love.

It enrages me.

"I can't fucking believe this," I mumble, hot tears pricking my eyes. "They didn't do anything wrong. They just wanted to be together."

"I know," James says, surprising me. "They don't deserve this."

I look over at him. Though my expression holds more grief and secrets than his, his eyes are somber. I was fully expecting him to take his sister's side as he has every right to. Maybe he has—maybe he does think what Emmett did was wrong. But I appreciate James at this moment for not painting my brother as the villain. I'm grateful he's not vocal about how this will affect his family because it will. They'll forever be tied to this scandal. But Kate will move on. She'll be placed with someone new and start over. Emmett, on the other hand… I have no idea what will happen to Emmett. And that terrifies me.

I turn my focus back to the news. There are more meaningless details, but all I'm waiting to hear is where Em and Rose are now and if they're okay. I don't imagine any of this will blow over lightly, especially with the news coverage and with who my father is.

Charlie appears on the screen then. This must have been pre-recorded because the sky is still dark as my father speaks in front of our house.

He appears tired. Worn. But he speaks with ease and confidence, his bravado as a leader never faltering, even under the stress of a personal crisis.

When he looks into the camera and says how deeply saddened he and my mother are about the turn of events, I don't believe him. His voice lacks empathy. My mother stands beside him, but she doesn't cry. She doesn't utter a word. He ends with a statement about how he didn't lose a son today, but he lost him years ago when Emmett willingly made the choice to go against the law.

"I honestly can't believe this," I mumble, still shocked. "How could he say that about Emmett?"

"He's probably just trying to save face," James says. "He can't sympathize with this situation. It'd look bad."

I know he's right. My father can't take Emmett's side. That would go against everything he stands for. But it still rubs me the wrong way because deep down I know Charlie isn't just saving face. He believes everything he just said. He no longer considers Emmett a son, and not only does that make my heart break, but it makes me furious.

The news anchor's voice is back, but they're showing what must be footage right after everything took place. The camera focuses on part of the electrified fence in the background. There's yellow tape marking off part of the snowy field. Red and blue lights flash on the screen, lighting up the night sky. Evaluators walk around the perimeter with dogs.

And then I see it.

Crimson red amongst white snow.

Blood.

There's so much blood.

I know we were told two of the enforcers were shot, but a terrible, sinking feeling creeps in.

"Please tell me they're okay," I say to James, pulling my eyes away from the screen long enough to see the remorse in his eyes. "James? Are Rose and Emmett okay?"

"I don't know," he says. "We haven't heard anything official yet."

Hope fills my chest, and I take a deep breath. They could've been taken into custody. They could be behind bars for all we know. As terrible as that would be, at least they'd be safe. They'd still be here.

We watch the footage, frantic energy buzzing between James and me. The news anchor goes live again, and I hang on to her every word. At one point, James takes my hand. It doesn't comfort me, but I still let him, anyway.

I don't know how much time passes, but eventually that sliver of hope I was holding onto slips away when the news anchor presses a hand to her ear, a grim expression on her face.

My knee bounces, and my heart races. I want to yell at the TV and demand her to speak. But I do and say nothing. I'm just stuck. Waiting.

When she looks back at the camera, my stomach drops. And my worst fear is confirmed when she announces that Emmett and Rose are dead.