"Dr. Bekker"
Ava stopped in her tracks, having been near sprinting through the ED. She'd been running late following an early morning porridge incident involving her nephew. It wasn't the start she had been hoping for on her first day back, but she'd been pretty confident she wouldn't end up being too late if nothing else delayed her. She'd overlooked the possibility of colleagues she hadn't seen much of recently wanting to stop and chat.
"April." She gave a small smile, glancing anxiously towards the stairs. "How are you?"
"I'm good." The nurse responded in kind, returning the smile before acknowledging the surgeon's state. "Dr. Latham is already expecting you to be a little late. Ms. Goodwin wants to see you in her office before you get started."
Ava frowned, it made sense, she supposed, but she hadn't planned for it. She'd been hoping to get straight back into it. Goodwin wanting to check in before she did so wasn't something she had considered.
"Guess I should get up there, then."
April nodded, before deciding to test the waters with this slightly different Ava."Maggie said she was disappointed you didn't tell her you were coming back when you saw her last week."
"I didn't know!" Ava defended, before the nurse's expression caused her to smile, shaking her head. "I didn't find out until I got home. Took them a while to sort it, although," she paused, looking around, "I don't really see why, not much is different."
"Security were briefed this morning." April elaborated. "They haven't said anything, but I'm convinced the 'new' security guards who started today are undercover cops."
Ava sighed. "I'm beginning to think they'll never leave me alone."
"I guess if it's necessary..."
"Unless it starts interfering with our ability to do our jobs."
"It's not forever, we'll manage."
"You shouldn't have to, this is my problem."
"No one here expects you to deal with it alone."
Ava gave another small smile, stepping back and gesturing towards the doors. "I should..."
April nodded, prompting Ava to step away, raising a hand in a half wave as she walked away, headed towards the stairs and to Goodwin's office. It barely took her five minutes to get there, but she had somehow managed to let nerves take hold, suddenly questioning her belief that this was just the other woman checking in. Things had been so messy when she'd left, and the way she had left had been far from ideal, that she was sure Goodwin must have something to say about it.
She knocked, almost taking a step back before the immediate reply stopped her, and she found herself opening the door as instructed and stepping into the office. It had been a while since she had last been here, and that occasion hadn't exactly been pleasant.
"Dr. Bekker."
"You wanted to see me?"
From the other side of her desk, Sharon Goodwin nodded, her expression giving nothing away as she gestured for Ava to take a seat, waiting until she had before beginning to speak.
"I wanted to check in, see how you were doing before you got back to work."
Ava barely managed to stop the sigh of relief from escaping her. "I'm fine. Glad to be back."
Goodwin nodded. "Dr. Evanson mentioned that he's cleared you for surgery."
It wasn't a question, so Ava just nodded.
"And Dr. Charles has signed you off, too."
"Yes."
"Yet you've requested that you not be asked to perform any surgeries for the time being?"
Ava nodded again. "I wanted to ease back into things slowly."
"That's all?"
"Yes."
She hoped her voice didn't give away how unsure she was. It wasn't even that she didn't want to get back to the OR, she just couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she shouldn't be there just yet.
Goodwin was watching her curiously, and she couldn't help but fidget slightly.
"Dr. Latham is happy for you to cover his post-ops for the time being. We'll revisit the issue in a week."
Another nod.
"The FBI have gone over their expectations with you?"
"No leaving the building. Don't go anywhere without telling anyone. Report any suspicions." Ava recited, having been through the instructions multiple times over the past few days. "It's nothing really new."
"Stick to it." Goodwin advised. "For everyone's sake."
"Of course.
Goodwin nodded. "Welcome back."
Ava smiled in response, standing to leave. It wasn't until she made it to the door that Goodwin spoke up again.
"On more thing."
"Yes?"
"No more fighting with Dr. Rhodes. I expect you both to be professional."
"Of course."
She made a quick getaway, opting not to ask whether he had been given the same instruction. Getting defensive on her first day back would never be a good idea, especially considering how accommodating they'd been to her for the best part of a year. It was better to let it go. For now at least.
By the time she reached her floor, the chaos of the busy day left her almost forgetting the comment. Watching the activity on the floor for a moment gave her a comforting sense of familiarity, despite the seriousness of what was going on in front of her eyes.
She was back.
-Ghosts-
He'd known she was returning that day. When he'd first arrived at the hospital he had been apprehensive about it, but as the morning progressed, and he found himself performing back to back surgeries, he'd had little time to think about the woman working a few floors above him. That was until Maggie had stopped him just before he went on his lunch break to let him know that a long term patient of his had been admitted during the night, and that she had been transferred upstairs shortly before his arrival.
The woman was elderly, and very particular about who treated her, and so, after finishing his lunch, he found himself stepping off the elevator and into the world of the cardiothoracic floor.
He heard her before he saw her, the telltale sounds of a coding patient echoing around the space, her voice frantic as she worked to keep the patient alive. He felt guilty, but a part of him was glad she was distracted, enabling him to locate his own patient and slip into the room without the blonde seeing him.
"Mrs. Parker."
"There he is." The woman's face all but lit up. "I was beginning to think that you were avoiding me."
"Of course not." He returned the smile. "How are you feeling?" He picked up her chart, reading through the information that had been added within the past few hours. "Have you been taking your medication?"
"Remembering's a hassle."
"Mrs. Parker." His tone was stern. "You need to take your medication. We've talked about this."
"Maybe if I could take it with a splash of rum I could be encouraged."
"Mrs. Parker." He shook his head. "It's important that you continue to take your medication. You understand that you could die."
"Death's not the worst thing that can happen to a person."
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Ava leave the coding patient's room, letting out a sigh as she moved towards the nurses station. "It's not?"
"I've had a full life. There are worse things I could lose."
He nodded, shifting slightly as he turned, getting a better view of the other surgeon. "Like what?"
"I have babies and grandbabies. Soon going to have a great-grandbaby. If my time comes before any of theirs, I'll go happy."
"That sounds like a lot of people to keep happy."
"A lot of people to keep me happy, too." She paused for a moment. "But you still only have the one."
He turned back to her, confused, only to find that she had followed his gaze and her eyes were now also firmly on the blonde at the nurses station. "I'm sorry?"
"Your girlfriend?" She nodded towards Ava before looking up to him. "I can sense these things."
"Um..." His brow furrowed. "Ex. My ex."
"But you're not too happy about that."
He sighed, looking back to Ava briefly before once again focusing on her patient. "It doesn't matter."
"Ah." The old woman gave a knowing smile. "She won't give you another chance."
He let out another sigh. "I'm going to check on you again tonight, and by then I want you agreeing to take your medication. Lets keep you around for your great grandchild."
"If that twelve-year-old they had treating me comes back in here, I may have to discharge myself."
He shook his head in amusement. "Understood."
He took a step back, slowly leaving the room. Ava was still at the nurses station, her back to him, so as he approached, intending to walk past her, he assumed she was still yet to see him.
"Thought I might see you today."
He hadn't been expecting her to acknowledge him, and her back was still to him as she did. When he didn't respond, she turned around, leaning against the surface behind her.
"Just checking in with Mrs. Parker."
"Does she need anything?"
"Just a class in minding her own business." He tried joking, only to realise as Ava's eyes narrowed that she may want the statement explained. He was relieved when she seemed to choose not to question it. "She's fine."
Ava nodded. "Is she going to take her meds?"
He looked back to the elderly woman, eyeing them curiously from her bed. "Not sure."
She nodded. "I'll check in with her later on."
"I um... I told her I'd come by again later tonight." He frowned, looking back to her. "She can be very particular."
"I can manage."
"I know." He hesitated. "She doesn't think much of the doctor that's been treating her."
"There's a problem?"
"Nothing specific."
Another nod. "I'll check in soon. Check Dr. Emory's notes."
He glanced back to the elderly woman, rolling his eyes at the thumbs up she gave him. It wasn't until Ava spoke that he realised she had also seen it.
"What's that about?"
"She's a character."
"I'm sure."
He gave a weak smile to try and alleviate the suspicion in the blonde's eyes, but only seemed to deepen it. So he gestured towards the double doors, "I'd better..."
"Yeah."
-Ghosts-
Ava had been surprised when Natalie had made her way to the cardiothoracic floor to see her when she had been on her lunch break. She still struggled to allow herself to see people as friends, despite everything that had happened.
The visits from Goodwin and Garrett had been expected though, as had Dr. Charles stopping by – she'd expected that he'd want to check in on her at some point during the day.
She hadn't minded the visits, and it didn't escape her that before her new life here had come crashing down around her, she would have. The Ava she had made herself be all those years would have hated the interruptions, and would have probably been dismissive towards them. It seemed there was a lot more Madison still inside her than she thought.
And it terrified her.
The polite, quiet little girl she had once been was long gone, of course, stolen by a combination of trauma and the inevitability of growing up, but the kindness of the person she used to be was still there, and the more she was around her family, reminded of a life that was once again in arms reach, the more the traits she had tried so hard to suppress came back to the surface.
But Madison... Madison was understanding. She was forgiving. The peacemaker in the midst of meaningless fighting. The calming presence in the chaos only found in a home with multiple children. All things Ava hadn't been in a while. She was out of practice. Her head was still Ava, still focused, still strong-willed and career driven, but somehow, at some point over the past months, her heart was becoming more and more Madison, and she had no idea how to be all of those things at the same time.
She'd never really had to before.
After all, she'd tried to make her life as Ava as different to her life as Madison as it could be.
"Long day?"
She looked up from the chart in front of her to see the patient had woken up.
"Everything seems to be as expected."
"Have you been avoiding me?"
Ava frowned, confused. "Why would I do that?"
"You haven't been in here once all day."
"You haven't needed surgery, Dr. Emory is more than qualified to handle your case."
"Then why are you here now?"
"Overseeing his work."
"I thought you said he was qualified."
"Still got his training wheels."
"So he's a baby."
Ava let out a laugh. "He's well on his way to being a great surgeon."
"I'm not convinced."
"Why is that?"
"That twelve-year-old has been drugging me."
"Dr. Emory administered your medication." She stifled a laugh at the woman's comment. The doctor was young, she'd give her that, but not that young.
"He drugged me."
"How are you feeling?"
"Better." The patient responded. "And you?"
"Me?"
"How are you feeling?"
Ava watched her, eyes narrowing. "I don't think that's something we need to be concerned about." She paused. "You'll continue to take your medication?"
"You need to forgive that boy."
"Excuse me?" For a moment confusion clouded her mind.
"That nice doctor of mine." The elderly woman continued. "Not the twelve-year-old. My usual doctor. Connor. You need to forgive him."
"Mrs. Parker..."
"Whatever he did, he didn't mean it. He loves you."
"No he..." She cut off. "This is inappropriate."
"Appropriate doesn't help anyone." The woman claimed. "I've found getting to the point is the only way of making progress."
"Mrs. Parker." Ava let out a sigh, remembering Goodwin's request at the beginning of the day. Be professional. "I need you to confirm you'll continue to take your medication."
"I need you to give that boy another chance."
"Mrs. Parker..."
It wasn't often that she found herself speechless. Her mind was telling her to let her irritation be known and shut the woman down, be sharp with her instead of humouring her, but her heart, the part of her that was more Madison by the day, refused to allow that, insisting on a kindness and compassion that not even a year before would barely have been a thought.
"Did he say something?"
"He didn't have to."
"This really isn't something we should be discussing."
"I disagree. It's much more interesting than my broken parts."
"I..."
"Hey, Mrs. Parker. Have you taken that medication yet?"
Ava spun around at the sound of Connor's voice, surprised by his appearance, despite him saying he'd be stopping by again.
"I have." The elderly woman was glancing between them, an amused smirk playing on her lips. "I was just talking to your girlfriend here..." She paused to gauge their reactions. "She's very professional. I'm trying to remedy that."
"Mrs. Parker." Ava turned back to her, opting to ignore the comments. "I need you to confirm you'll continue to take your medication."
"I need you to confirm you'll put this poor boy out of his misery and give him another chance."
"Mrs. Parker." Her tone was stern, but she could feel Connor's eyes on her and knew that was all the elderly woman would be seeing. "This isn't a negotiation."
The woman sighed. "Can I take it with a splash of rum?"
"You already know you can't."
"Whisky?"
"Mrs. Parker." Connor spoke up this time, and Ava couldn't help but be annoyed by his amused, yet gentle tone. "We've been through this, no alcohol."
"I thought your girlfriend might have a different answer."
"Medical advice doesn't change depending on the doctor, I'm afraid."
The woman let out a sigh, as if the mere act of taking her lifesaving medication was a favour she was doing for them. "Okay, but I expect to be invited to the wedding."
"Thank you." Ava ignored her last comment, having been given the confirmation she needed that the woman would continue to take her prescribed treatment. "Dr. Emory will check in tomorrow morning, and if everything still looks good, he'll discharge you."
She moved out of the room quickly, not glancing back until she was at the nurses station, watching Connor continue to speak to the elderly woman for a few minutes more.
"Dr. Bekker!"
She jumped slightly, looking to the nurse that had appeared by her side, realising that the woman must have been trying to get her attention for longer than she had been aware. How long had she been watching him?
"Yes?"
"Mr Lowry in five." The nurse was watching her curiously. "Dr. Latham's brought his surgery forward. It's now at 10am tomorrow instead of noon. He asked me to check that you'd be here for pre-op."
"Um..." She hesitated, glancing back to Connor and Mrs. Parker. "Yeah, yeah I will."
The nurse nodded, eyes narrowing in curiosity as she followed her gaze before taking a step back and walking off.
Ava turned back to the desk, looking over Mrs. Parker's notes once more, just to be absolutely sure Emory had covered all the bases. He was good at his job, she had realised early in the day, but he was still new, and they couldn't afford for things to be missed in their line of work.
"Sorry about that."
She jumped again, this time at the hand on her back instead of the voice, and spun around to glare at Connor.
"Really?"
He seemed taken aback. "She can be a lot."
"Did you put her up to that?"
He seemed surprised. "Of course not. I'd never..."
"Right." She rolled her eyes turning around again.
He shifted, his arms resting on the desk either side of her, boxing her in. "What's this about, Ava?"
"This?"
"You've dealt with difficult and inappropriate patients before. You've never reacted like this."
She let out a frustrated sigh. He was right, usually she found it so much easier to maintain professional boundaries, even with intrusive patients, and when she did that, she never found herself annoyed or frustrated after speaking with them. Only she wasn't sure if she was annoyed with herself for entertaining the woman, the patient herself for forcing the conversation, or Connor, for being, well, Connor.
"I really hate you sometimes."
"Only sometimes?"
"We're not doing this." She checked her watch, noting she was already running a little late – she had meant to meet Kim downstairs five minutes ago, and pushed one of his hands off the desk, intent on making her escape.
He followed.
"Doing what?"
"Playing this game."
"No one's playing any games, Ava."
"Everything, is a game to you."
She stalled, turning to him just in time to see the confusion in his eyes.
"You know that's not true."
"Do I?"
"Yes." He stated. "You do."
"So I'm meant to believe that your patient telling me you love me isn't part of some game you're playing?"
"Of course it's no..." He paused, taking in what she had said. "She said that?"
Ava scoffed. "Like you didn't know."
"I didn't put her up to it. I told you that." He let out his own frustrated sigh. "God, you really don't trust me."
"That surprises you?"
"No, it doesn't, but I thought we were getting somewhere, Ava. We were talking, we were figuring things out and then..."
"Then we crossed a line." She interrupted. "We crossed a line and overcomplicated whatever this," she paused, gesturing between them, "is."
"It doesn't have to be complicated."
"It already is." She knew taking her agitation out on him wasn't exactly fair, after all, it had been his patient that had brought all of this up again when she had been determined to maintain a professional distance, but she couldn't really talk to a patient this way, and he was who was there. "My entire life is complicated. My entire future is dependent on an ongoing trial. My brother is using humour to avoid dealing with the pain of his wife's murder, but I can't tell him I know he's doing that. One sister is living our mother's life, the other hangs around with murderers and kicks off whenever our uncle suggests she go and live with him, what was left of my family after we disappeared has fallen apart, Hailey's got something going on that she won't tell me about, and I don't know how to fix any of it, I..."
"You don't need to deal with any of that alone."
"Yes I do."
"No." He repeated. "You don't." He watched her for a moment. "You're just scared."
She frowned, her brow furrowed. "Scared of what?"
"Of losing just a little bit of control." He shrugged. "Of taking a risk that you're worried won't work out."
"What risk?"
Almost as soon as the question had escaped her, he'd closed the distance between them, an arm snaking around her as his lips met hers, his tongue begging for entrance. After a moment, she responded, her hands moving to grip his shoulders, pulling him closer to her, and she quickly found her back resting on the wall of the thankfully deserted hallway.
When he finally pulled away, he was smiling. "Let me help."
She bit her lip, gazing up at him before making a decision. "Okay."
"Okay?"
She gave a small nod, unsure of why she had agreed, but knowing she was tired. Tired of handling everything alone, tired of fighting him. Just tired. "Okay."
