27
OLLIE silently seethed as he looked over the vast array of choices the St. Mungo's cafeteria had to offer, not knowing what the bloody hell Norah would want to eat. What did you offer to a werewolf still coming down off of a full-moon cycle when they were nauseous, and quite possibly had a concussion and didn't want to make things worse for them?
Soup? Salad? Bread? Just water? Nothing at all until she said she was hungry. Ollie's mind felt like it was reeling.
The choices were overwhelming and quite frankly, a burden that he felt he couldn't be bothered with, not when his new partner who he was duty-bound and sworn to protect was suffering four floors above him, alone in a room with that old hag, that witch, Dolores Jane Umbridge.
Just the thought of what he had almost come close to doing was abominable, rendering his blood to ice in his veins, and bitter, acidic bile to rise up in his throat.
He swallowed down thickly at the rather odd expression Tonks wore on her face as she hovered behind him, having to practically stand on her tiptoes in order to see over his shoulder to look at their options.
Ollie almost snorted, finding it difficult not to roll his eyes a bit at the vast height difference between the two of them, though he fought back the urge, his momentary good mood immediately dissipated as he caught sight of the look of shock and disappointment etched on her face.
"What is it?" he uttered cautiously, unable to bear the silence between the two of them any longer, swiveling his head back around to face the front of the counter, his temper still surging through his veins like adrenaline.
He feigned interest in pulling over which red apple to put on the tray they planned to bring up to Norah once Umbridge was finished with her questioning of his partner, mostly to avoid looking directly into her eyes.
Ollie did not think he could bear to see the look of shame and disappointment in his best friend's irises anymore and he moved to select another apple, though Tonks abruptly slapped his hand away and cut him off. He shot his friend a dark look.
"Not that, Ollie, it's too hard for her to eat now," Tonks said in a cautious voice, as though she were walking on eggshells around her best friend. Ollie turned his head just in time to see Tonks pluck the red apple off the tray he'd gotten and give it a strange look. "If her full moons are anything like Remus's, she won't be able to stomach too much, Ollie. Let's see, Remus can stomach chocolate during a full moon, and any kind of soup or bread if they have it would be good."
Ollie merely grunted wordlessly in response and silently passed the tray off to Tonks and let his friend take over.
She shot him a rather pointed look that suggested she disapproved, though she accepted it with a resigned sigh and set about picking out appropriate items that she thought Norah would be able to keep down.
"We don't know what her stomach's going to be like when she…when Umbridge is done with her, Ollie," Tonks murmured in a quiet voice that she hoped sounded non-judgmental, though she flinched, only because Ollie's posture stiffened the moment the Senior Undersecretary's surname was mentioned in his presence.
"Ollie," she began cautiously, as she pretended to be looking over the selection of pre-packaged cups of heated soups, before finally deciding on a cup of potato soup and a few pieces of buttered whole-wheat toast, complete with a glass of ice-water and a small chocolate brownie and a small plate of questionable-looking purple Jell-O for dessert if Norah was hungry at the end of her interview.
Sensing danger, Tonks closed her eyes. But Merlin, she was dreading this conversation but knew there was no way around it.
"You—you shouldn't have spoken to Dolores like that, Ol. I—I know you were looking out for Norah, Ollie, I get it, but that witch can literally make your life a living hell if you aren't careful. I can probably talk to her when I go back to work on Monday, calm her down a bit, but before I do that, you owe me a solid, Ollie. Considering I did sort of save your partner's life," she added, the briefest hint of smugness in her tone, though her tone quickly turned serious, her playful smile faltering as she turned serious again. "Tell me why you did it before I decide to help you. You lost control."
Ollie let out a haggard sigh through his flaring nostrils as he motioned with a curt jerk of his head to sit at one of the tables.
He'd not been able to read Norah or Umbridge's thoughts all throughout this impromptu meeting of hers for him to be able to indicate when he could see her again, and he found that he wanted to see his new partner so badly, that it physically ached.
"Don't worry about me, Tonks, let that old bag make her threats, the pompous witch, Umbridge doesn't scare me, that woman's all bark and no bite," Ollie told Tonks softly, his tone laced with something that Tonks could only describe as akin to amusement, his bright blue eyes softening as he finally met her gaze.
Instantly, the Legilimens could feel the Auror's eyes burning straight through him, and his face flushed high with color and hot shame at what he had done to her.
The pair of friends sat in silence for what felt like an eternity as the world carried on around them as the other visitors received word from Healers passing by that they could now be let into their loved ones' wards and rooms.
The soft susurrations of Tonks's unnaturally quiet and less jovial voice reached Ollie's pounding eardrums, causing him to jerk his head sharply upright to look at her.
"You lost your temper because you care for your partner, whether or not you know it or not yet, but I think you already do, Ollie, and you don't know what to feel about it, so this anger that you feel is directed towards yourself, not Norah or Umbridge," Tonks said slowly, cautiously, as though she were afraid of saying the wrong thing that might stroke Ollie's temper even further.
She lifted her chin and steadily met the man's gaze.
"I think you spend so much time trying to protect everyone else around you, Ollie, that you forget we're all here to do the same for you. Me, Remus, Sirius, Norah… You're not invincible, mate. You don't always have to be a—a fearless hero or something. No one, especially not Jameson, expects you to be. No one's perfect. You can't put that much pressure on yourself," Tonks murmured, feeling like her words were coming out rather clumsy and blunt.
Ollie stiffened as he inhaled a sharp breath of cold air as he looked down at his own plate of food, not hungry. Tonks noticed her friend's hesitation, furrowing her brows into a light little frown, reaching across the cafeteria table, and pushing his tray closer towards him.
"Eat," she snapped, a slight hardened edge to her voice that carried just a hint of steel that told Ollie to listen to Tonks. "You're not going to do Norah any good as her partner to do night watch with her tomorrow night if you're so damn fatigued you can barely stand up. Eat. I didn't drag you all the way down here away from Umbridge just to watch you starve. You need to eat something."
His muscles tightened as his body tensed in response to Nymphadora's sudden aggression, though he relented upon lifting his gaze and seeing her pale grey irises start to flash as her lids narrowed, suddenly steeling herself.
Grumbling darkly under his breath, Ollie scrunched his nose in disgust, but reluctantly tore off a loaf of the bread, swiping it from Tonks's plate instead of his own, which earned him a playful smirk and a swat on the arm.
Tonks let out a tired sigh, propping her elbows up on the table, and rested her head in her hands, never once averting her gaze from her best friend across the way, who seemed to be having trouble looking her squarely in the eye, ashamed.
"You want to talk about it? I don't think I've ever seen you so…angry, Ollie?" she said, her tone somber. "Why did you…react towards Umbridge so violently, Ollie?"
"She insulted Norah, you—you don't understand, you and Remus weren't there, Tonks, and you didn't hear the things that she said about people like her, werewolves, about her in general, it was uncouth, and I couldn't let her run her mouth," he snapped, his tone darkening as his blue eyes flashed indignantly as a couple of derogatory quips she'd used flitted to the front of his mind. "I—I couldn't let her get away with it, Tonks!"
Tonks was staring at Ollie in an incredulous manner, as though he'd sprouted a pair of devil's antlers atop his head.
"So instead of calling for St. Mungo's security, you resort to almost strangling the Undersecretary to death? Oh, Ollie, what am I going to do with you, seriously? That's not something worth losing your temper over. You have to know when to pick your battles, and this was not one of those, Ol, you can't keep losing control of your temper like this! You need to learn how to control yourself, Ollie." Tonks let out a tired sigh and pinched at the bridge of her nose in exasperation.
His immediate action, as Tonks had predicted, was one of instant wariness. He merely eyed Tonks from across the cafeteria table in the kitchens of St. Mungo's located on the first floor, near the visitors' lobby and gift shop.
She could tell by the way his shoulders stiffened at her words that this too was a conversation he didn't want to have, but Merlin, there were things left unspoken, and this topic was meant to unnerve him, in a way, but not for the obvious reason.
Still, Tonks continued forward. Ollie needed to hear this, and the two of them were long overdue to have this conversation.
"Y—you could have left me, you know. When I…when I told you about Remus. Yet, you've stuck by my side as my best mate, after…everything that's happened to us in just the last year." Tonks's words were soft, unassuming, and carried no hint of blame at all.
Despite the coldness of his blue eyes, Tonks kept her gaze fixed upon Ollie's, unwilling for her words to lose any sort of meaning, hoping the two could clear the air.
"Why? After all the…the pain that I've caused you, Ol, you stuck by me." Tonks felt her words catch in her throat and blinked back tears, fighting against the urge to wring her hands together out of a nervous habit, and settled for taking a bite of Jell-O instead. "I don't…deserve that kindness but I am…grateful for it."
Tonks ducked her head and chose to play with the cuticle of her thumb, feeling like her words and apologies were now spent. She, at the very least, had steered the ship of the conversation in the right direction, but now it was up to Ollie if the man wanted to actually address and acknowledge where she was going. Nothing more could be solved if he didn't want to talk.
"Can I ask you something?" she said, biting her bottom lip in hesitation. "I…I hurt you, Ollie, that night when I…chose Lupin over you. But you still stuck by my side. But why?"
He shot her a pointed look and rolled his eyes. "You're really asking questions, T? Why do you want to know the answer, T?" he joked, a weak attempt at a smile playing on his pale features as he ran his hand along his jawline stubble.
Tonks winced, visibly uncomfortable as she shrugged her shoulders and toyed with her food with her fork, not hungry, but neither did she seem able to meet his gaze at this moment in time.
"Well, I…I can't help but wondering," she admitted shyly. Unable to face him, Tonks stared at the wriggling bowl of bright lime-green Jell-O in front of her, unable to eat any of it with any real enthusiasm.
Her voice betrayed the regret she felt when she spoke.
"I hurt you, Ollie, and you're still beside me." Her words were halting, her breaths catching in her throat as she recalled images of his face the night that she told her best mate out on the stoop of Number 12, Grimmauld Place, that she was in love with Remus Lupin, how heartbroken the man had been.
She could no longer hold back her tears as a stray, single tear escaped her lids, though she faltered the moment she felt a strong, slightly calloused hand rest over top of her own, his fingers curling over the tines of Tonks's fork in a strong grip.
Ollie squeezed Tonks's fingers tighter, trying to reassure his friend that he harbored no ill will towards Tonks's decision.
"It was one of the hardest decisions I think I could have made, to…to let you go, T. Of course, it broke my heart when you chose…" He trailed off, unwilling to speak Lupin's name in his current agitated state, though his foul mood had nothing to do with Remus. In fact, he owed the werewolf and older man a favor.
He'd stayed behind to talk to Umbridge in the hopes of calming that old hag down after Ollie had almost strangled her.
He was unsure if he could ever pay back the former Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for his kindness, what he risked. His eyes widened, and Ollie gave his head somewhat of a violent shake in order to clear his mind.
He had to try to show Tonks why it didn't matter, or at least, that's what he told himself.
"I…I loved you," he smiled, remembering every moment of their friendship where he had watched her hopefully, out of the corner of his eye when Tonks had thought he wasn't looking, but Ollie had been.
"I—I wanted you to choose me, but…" he paused, feeling so unsure of himself, swallowing down past the lump in his throat. "It was always your choice to make, Tonks," he affirmed. "More than anything, I want you to be happy with the right man for you. Even if…even if it means you're with someone else. Someone who's right for you. Like…Lupin."
Staring intently at his best friend, his vow attested to the strength of his love and friendship he felt for Nymphadora.
Tonks's gaze found his piercing pale blue eyes, glistening with a fierce intensity and a foreign emotion she couldn't quite place.
She was uncertain how to speak the next thought as it pertained to Jameson upstairs that was on her mind now.
Ollie, ever the intuitive man that he was, darkened his gaze as he noticed the sadness sweep over Tonks's face, yet again.
She was wearing a rather odd expression on her face, that Ollie wasn't quite sure what to make of.
"Wh—what is it?" he uttered cautiously the moment Dora's pale grey-blue irises swept over his tired form and looked at him in a peculiar way.
Taking a deep breath, Tonks slowly lifted her chin and jutted it out, somewhat defiantly, in an effort to meet his gaze.
She felt she did not deserve this man's friendship, but she forced herself to speak what was on their mind in regard to his newfound partnership in the Order with Norah.
"I think…" she began, sounding somewhat flat, and just the shift in her tone of voice caused a pinprick of cold fear to stab at Ollie's heartstrings, rendering him feeling as though he'd been doused in ice-cold water, "that Norah knows Greyback, Ollie. She—she mentioned him once or twice down in the hole while we were trapped," Tonks hastily explained, glancing up only once as she caught sight of Lupin's tall, slender form entering the kitchen.
She plastered an obviously strained smile on her face as her own partner spotted the pair of them and moved to take the seat next to Tonks, though not before planting a brief but affectionate kiss to her right cheek that sent her face flushing with color.
Her blush intensifying as Ollie rolled his eyes in good-natured humor and smirked at the brief display of affection towards the two lovers and Order members, she shook her head to rid her mind of her embarrassment and pressed on.
"I don't know how she knows the wolf, but…I just want you to be careful, Ollie. I—I know you care for Norah, but I don't want you to get hurt," she began, looking towards Lupin for confirmation, who quickly nodded his own suspicions, confirming their shared belief in each of their minds that somehow, Norah was connected to the same werewolf that had bitten Remus when he was a little boy. "Just…be safe."
Ollie nodded mutely, feeling the beginnings of his throat starting to hollow and constrict.
To distract himself from the worry that wormed its way into the pit of his churning stomach, he shoved away his plate of barely-touched Jell-O with little enthusiasm and looked towards the ceiling, huffing in frustration, closing his eyes as he attempted to gauge either Norah or Umbridge's thoughts, and being met with silence.
Letting out a low growl of frustration, he slowly opened his eyes and looked towards Remus, who was in the midst of studying him in a somewhat guarded and cautious manner.
Lupin exhaled a slightly shaking breath, still somewhat taken aback by how he himself had almost lost control of his own temper with Dolores Jane Umbridge upstairs and was relieved when Tonks's hand came to rest gently on his thigh.
If Remus didn't know better, it would seem to the slightly older wizard that nothing brought the thirty-two-year-old man down from his perpetual cycle of self-depression.
However, he had seen it otherwise for himself, just this morning and last night. Remus recalled how shattered Ollie had become the moment the hole beneath the ground back in Echo Alley had opened up beneath Norah and Tonks' feet, watching the pair of witches fall and feeling helpless to help.
How angry the man had been, ready to kill Rookwood for what he had done to Norah, and would have, had Remus not stopped him from doing it.
Lupin hoped things were starting to turn around in Dora's friend's favor with Norah by his side.
"So," he began, still keeping his tone guarded, "I spoke with Umbridge," Lupin said, cringing as he recollected how he had more or less yelled at her, though for the sake of everyone's moods, Remus decided to forgo that little detail.
Ollie's head whiplashed sharply upwards, his blue eyes widening in shock and awe. "Will she let me in to see her?"
Much to his chagrin, the moment Lupin shook his head no, he felt a horrible fiery warmth begin to seep through his chest. It took the man a moment to realize that it was rage.
Tonks, sensing danger, immediately decided to intervene before Ollie's temper threatened to implode yet again, and then she and Lupin would be right back to square one again.
"She said she'll let you into see her when she's finished. Are you doing what we told you? We heard you apologize to her."
"Yes." Ollie nodded his head, trying to maintain a level head and finding it difficult as imagined scenarios of whatever Umbridge could be doing to his new partner alone, without him present by her side to protect her, flitted through his mind, and causing his blood to boil. "I don't want to scare her away."
He smiled at the pair of partners, but his face held more of a saddened gaze for far too long, scaring Tonks.
"What?" Tonks asked, not sure she wanted the answer.
Ollie shook his head, furrowing his dark eyebrows into a frown as he raked his fingers through his wavy black hair.
"She's closed up inside her mind," he said softly. "Someone in her home life hurt her. Is hurting her," he clarified, his sky-blue eyes darkened, almost cerulean in color as the briefest flickers of genuine anger darted across his orbs at the thought of yet someone else out to hurt the young blonde witch upstairs. "I think…she's hiding something. From someone, and she's keeping it from me, Tonks. Remus. Whether that's Greyback or someone else on the Dark Lord's side, I can't tell, but whatever it is, I think she even hides from herself."
"That's why she needs you." Lupin's look was sympathetic.
"But I don't know if she'll let me in," Ollie lamented, unable to keep the note of desperation from seeping its way unbidden to the surface of his otherwise smooth, rich voice.
Tonks nodded upon hearing her friend's words. "Just keep trying, Ol," she lightly encouraged. "Norah will come around. Maybe…maybe she'll talk to you tomorrow night when you do your first night watch together when it's just you alone."
Tonks beamed hopefully and raised her forkful of lime-green Jell-O in her best mate's direction in a sort of mock-salute.
"To true love or at least the beginning of hopefully a new friendship for you, my friend," she teased, a playful smile flitting across her heart-shaped face, though her smile quickly faltered when she saw Ollie's wistful expression on his face.
"I don't want Jameson to suffer anymore on my account, T. I…I want her to be happy. Even if after all of this, she doesn't want to remain my partner, and she would be well within her rights to think that way, I can't stand to see Jameson unhappy and in pain. What should I do, Tonks? Do I talk to Norah?"
Tonks blinked owlishly as her mind processed her mate's words and she sensed the care and compassion for Norah that was beginning to show overwhelmingly on his face.
She gave her head a curt shake to rid her face of her initial shock and surprise that showed on her face as she nodded.
"Y—yes, Ollie, I think talking to her over night duty would be a good first start. And I know…things are still left unsaid between the two of you for what happened last night, but…when you go back upstairs and sit with her, please," she begged, imploring the man with wide, pleading eyes, "try to stay calm and don't lose your temper with Norah, Ol. She's been through enough in just the last few nights alone. Please don't make things any worse for her than they already are, my friend," she begged, reaching across the cafeteria table for his hand, though Tonks was visibly hurt when Ollie pulled away.
"I…I don't know how I could possibly make up for the damage I've caused," Ollie murmured darkly in a low voice, speaking more to himself than to Lupin or Tonks as he turned his head to the side, so they both could only see his side profile as he ducked his head in shame. "I—I don't deserve to be here. I should leave. Norah needs to rest."
Tonks felt a surge of anger course through her veins as a look of shock and anger caused the color in her face to drain the moment she noticed Ollie rise from his chair and turn on his heels to go.
Without a moment's hesitation, she bolted from her chair and darted around the corner of the table.
She let out a muffled grunt of surprise and annoyance the moment the heel of her black boot stumbled over the cafeteria's table leg and were it not for Ollie's arm shooting out so fast the man was almost a blur to catch her, she'd have fallen flat on her face and made a fool of herself yet again.
"Thanks," she grumbled as she craned her neck upright to look at Ollie, as anger for her best friend flooded in her veins.
Brennan was just like Lupin in this regard, always putting the blame on himself for events that he held no control over.
"How would you leaving help anyone here, especially not Jameson, who, I don't know if you remember this, Ollie, but you swore an oath to Dumbledore, and to her, the moment she became your partner that you'd always have Norah's back. You can't just leave!" Tonks protested wildly, reaching up with steadying hands to latch onto Ollie's shoulders, preventing the man from making his escape. "Merlin's Beard, Ollie, you really are as helpless as they come, aren't you?!"
Lupin interjected, eager to offer his own opinion in the hopes of convincing Ollie to stay, especially considering the personal risks and lengths he himself had just undertaken by daring to confront Umbridge not even fifteen minutes ago.
"You need to be patient with yourself and her, Mr. Brennan. Give her time. Miss Jameson will come around. I got the impression of her last night the young woman is not someone who is used to being the center of someone's attention." A dark, sardonic little chuckle escaped Lupin's lips before he could stop himself. "Let's just say that Norah and I…people like us, are…well, we're used to it by now, Ollie."
Tonks quickly nodded her agreement with her partner. "It might take her a while, Ollie, but Norah will eventually see that you care for her, that you're not so cold-hearted as you would believe yourself and everyone else around you to be."
She gave her friend's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Ollie stared at Tonks's hand on his shoulder as though it were the most beautiful thing the man had ever seen in his lonely life.
Tonks and Lupin collectively were frowning at him, clearly displeased that he was even considering leaving the hospital when he had not yet seen Norah and checked on her once.
In all honesty, Ollie was not sure what had compelled him to open up to his best friend and the man that Dora loved.
He'd already come to the conclusion in his own mind that yelling at Norah—Merlin's Beard, he'd shouted at her—was horribly wrong, and there was no way to possibly make amends, had been wrong, cowardly, and unforgiveable.
So why, then, had he opened up? Ollie blinked as the realization hit him squarely in the chest, as if Tonks herself had hit him with a fully-bonded Body Bind Curse.
Maybe it was because Tonks and Lupin were two kind people who were all too familiar with asking forgiveness.
Never in his life, especially not when Father was still alive, had Ollie been someone who had run away from his issues.
He'd always faced them head-on, in a Gryffindor-sort of way if you were to ask Tonks, perhaps to an unhealthy extent, but there was something about the celestial-like creature laying helpless and alone with only the Undersecretary for company that rendered him feeling breathless and at a loss for words, much less coherent thought when around Norah.
"I yelled at her," Ollie murmured dully, his voice flat and listless as he looked solely at Tonks. "T, I yelled at Norah."
"I know you did, Ollie" Tonks confirmed. She was looking at Ollie sadly, and there was a horrible look of immense disappointment and shame that Ollie decided he hated. "I was there this morning and last night, Ol. We heard it."
"The world around us is changing, Ollie, whether we like it or not. We have to be prepared to face it head-on. I don't know how it will yet, but the world we're fighting for is only going to get darker. The deep breath before the plunge, and Dora and I would rather not see you face it alone, Ollie. You deserve a good woman like Norah in your life, whether…anything comes of it or not, you two will always have your partnership within the Order, but it's up to you to take initiative here and make the first step towards making amends," Lupin added, gesturing towards the heavily laden dinner tray that Ollie held in his hands, with the intent to take it up to Norah the moment the Undersecretary finished with her.
Ollie had no response to that, but Lupin, it seemed, was not finished, for the man paused to draw in a breath before continuing to address Ollie with a pointed glower of sternness.
"You made Norah a promise last night, Ollie, when you became her partner. You've promised to always stand alongside her and watch her back during tough times." Lupin's eyes clouded over as the man wandered lost in his own thoughts and mind for a moment, only coming out of it when Tonks gingerly poked him in the side with her finger.
Ollie swallowed down hard past the lump in his throat, feeling his voice crack and start to break as he asked the one question that was perhaps the most difficult yet in his life, but Ollie knew he needed to get the question out, and fast.
"How…how in the bloody hell am I supposed to ask Norah for forgiveness, Lupin, when I can barely forgive myself?" he whispered in a horrified tone. "Merlin, but she must hate me."
Lupin kept his hand on the small of Dora's back, merely proceeding to arch an eyebrow in Ollie's direction and pointed towards the tray of food in his hands once more, and the message was quite clear without him needing to say it.
Try.
Without so much as another word, Lupin inclined his head in acknowledgment of Dora's best friend, before steering Tonks away from Ollie, sensing the man needed a moment alone, and made to head for the elevator, though not before calling back over his shoulder and saying that he would meet the two of them back at Headquarters when Norah was well enough, for tonight, they'd let Jameson have her rest.
Though before Ollie could make to head towards the elevator and follow in his friends' footsteps to head to the fourth floor to see Jameson, the very same flustered looking Healer emerged from the elevator, his face reddened, stating that Umbridge had gotten out of hand and that Norah was beside herself in panic and fear, calling for Ollie, begging to see him.
