Chapter 28: Free Study

I feel like it's been a hot minute since I've written a Bernadetta-centric chapter. Given the title of this story, that should probably be happening a lot more. I suppose that's just one of the drawbacks of serialized writing, especially with a story that I'm making up as I'm going along. Anyway, let's go ahead and fix that with this chapter.

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If there was one class that Bernadetta could say that she legitimately enjoyed at the Officer's Academy, it was free study. Given that Professor Manuela was the Black Eagles' home room teacher, it only made sense that it was on the schedule quite frequently. More often than not, the former diva would shamble into class sloppily dressed and hungover, and declare that their class would be a free study session before just collapsing face-first onto her desk to take a nap. That usually lasted for an hour or two, before the bells of the Cathedral rung and woke her back up. Situations like that happened at least once a week. It was the one day of the week that Bernie felt like she had anything resembling respite when outside of her dormitory lodgings. Sure, it was still sweat-inducing that she had to be around to many people to begin with, but at least free study meant that everyone would get wrapped up in their own little worlds away from hers for the time being.

From her seat in the back corner of the classroom, Bernie could see a multitude of sights. Her seat was specifically chosen for that, as she would have a clear field of view for any possible threats coming her way, in addition to being out of the way of everyone else's vision and being close to the classroom door for a quick getaway. As she quickly scanned over the classroom, she indeed did see that people were getting involved in their own personal businesses as Professor Manuela snored in her sleep, slumped over at the head of the classroom at her desk.

As far as Bernadetta could tell, Caspar was bugging Linhardt about something while the green-haired mage was also trying to get in some sleep, Dorothea was helping Petra figure out a difficult section in a text book while simultaneously checking her nail paint, Hubert and Lady Edelgard were discussing something in low tones, and Ferdinand was very obviously trying to lean towards them and get involved in whatever they were talking about. In other words, all completely normal things expected of them. That was the way things should be, the way of things where they would be all inadvertently willing to give Bernie some space.

That space was all Bernie needed for now. It gave her some time to go over some of her story drafts, cleverly hidden among her school assignments to make it appear that she was ever the diligent student. While she would feel bad about not actually using the free study time to, well, actually study, her grades had shown that Bernadetta was doing well in her courses regardless. Perhaps it was her natural affinity towards reading and analyzing passages that let her achieve good marks. It was either that, or Professor Manuela wasn't looking very hard at the assignments she was supposed to grade half of the time. Bernie liked to think that it was mostly the former, but the latter option was equally as possible too.

In any case, the status of her grades made Bernie feel like she had some wiggle room in regards to how she used her free study time. And what better way to use that time to think of ways to finish the personal story that she ended up showing to Sylvain not too long ago?

Ever since she had shown the story of Bernice Lilac to Sylvain, something inside of Bernie was yearning to work on it even more, despite it starting out as just a way to vent her feelings. It at least felt more exciting to work on than her other big story. The fact that Sylvain had accepted what it was with open arms, even if it was ultimately an extremely personal story, just stirred the embers in Bernadetta's heart and spun the gears in her mind. Now she felt like she had to finish it along with him. It was something that the both of them could work on together, in an even closer capacity than before. Not as just a writer and her editor, but as a girl who wanted to be loved for who she was and the boy who freely gave her that love. That feeling alone was stronger than any fantasy story she could come up with.

The idea that Sylvain suggested to her on the day she shared that story, that a princeling from a northern land would come sweep Bernice off of her feet and save her from a life of familial oppression, really stuck inside of her mind ever since she heard it. It was the kind of happy ending that Bernice Lilac deserved. It was the kind of ending that Bernadetta von Varley wished that she would have for herself. And now that Sylvain was more fully integrated into her life, that distant goal was looking more and more realistic to her.

Such thoughts led Bernadetta to consider a few things. How would Bernice's cruel father react to such a dashing man taking the girl for himself? He was from outside of the lands she grew up in, so there was less immediate political gain to marry her off to some foreigner, even if he was also a member of the landed gentry in his home nation. Knowing Bernice's father, he would only prefer immediate social and economic gains. At the very least, the dark Earl Lilac would demand an exorbitant bride price from the princeling before even considering handing over Bernice to be wed.

Another thing to consider was why the prince was so interested in Bernice to begin with. Yes, he would probably see her mind and heart as something invaluably precious, but Bernie had a body she wasn't very proud of. Wait, Bernice. Bernadetta was clearly thinking of Bernice in this case.

With an internalized sigh, Bernie accepted that she was just thinking about herself in that instance. If she was being honest with herself, Bernadetta had never really thought of herself as a romantic kind of person. She had no idea what having a physical relationship with another person was like. At most, she just remembered the metaphor about a sword and sheathe that her father had told her, alongside the fact that it was a sin to do the Bad Thing. Kissing Sylvain before felt good, but such a light and breezy feeling was utterly alien to her. That was why she reacted so badly once she realized what she had done. In short, Bernadetta's mind was having a hard time processing what it even meant to be romantically interested in someone in person.

Normally, Bernadetta would go and research whatever she needed to know so she could write her works, but there was zero chance she could do that for this kind of situation. There would be no books on the subject in the otherwise-vast Officer's Academy Library, and to even talk about such a thing to another person would be utterly mortifying. Bernie was on her own in strange territory.

The gears working in the background of Bernadetta's mind spun even harder in thought. What would she like to see out of being with Sylvain, and vice versa? What Bernie desired out of Sylvain was easy: to love and be loved in turn. And also, plenty of hugs and kisses. Those were simple desires. But Sylvain had revealed himself to be a very complex man in that heart to heart they had in the Blue Lions' classroom. Therefore, it made sense for Sylvain to have complex desires as well. It only made sense, after all. Sylvain was a complex, smart, interesting, and roguishly-handsome man. Bernie would need to feel out whatever desires he had and act upon them accordingly, if she was to make sure that she and him would actually be together.

To Bernie, it made perfect sense. It was a pretty simple deduction on her part. All she would need to do was try to sus out what Sylvain saw in her and what he wanted out of her. And fortunately, as time would have it, they were due to meet up for another writing session on the weekend. It certainly was nice to have a regular meeting to take advantage of. Normally, Bernadetta just accepted Sylvain stopping by her dorm room to hang around for a bit with a sense of warmth, but now that sensation was burning even brighter, with blue-hot sense of anticipation and desire. It was exciting to think that she could finally settle both her own story, and that of Bernice Lilac.

Such thoughts swam around her mind as Bernie spent the rest of the free study session brainstorming to herself about what could possibly happen at her and Sylvain's next meeting. It was days like this that really did prove that free study was the best class to have at the Officer's Academy.

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It's a bit of a shorter chapter this time around, but that's mainly due to time constraints. There was a scheduled power outage around the time this was written, so if I wanted to get out this chapter out in a good time frame when I still had online access, it would need to be a bit shorter. Not that it's bad, just not as long as I normally write.

Anyway, this is The Draigg, and I'm signing off on this chapter for now!