Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent.
June 3rd: Tobias
"Tris would flip if she knew you were doing this so soon after your injury," Ezra remarks, adjusting himself onto his bike.
"Well that's not really her call is it?" I mutter.
"It's not, but now I feel like an enabler. If she finds out we did this together, she will kill me for letting you!"
"Well it's best we don't let her find out then, hmm?" I ask him, levelling onto my own bike.
Ezra still looks weary, but he nods, starting his bike. I mirror his movements, and soon we are gliding on the wide path, side by side. We embarked on our RV trip 2 days ago, and spent all of yesterday in St. Louis. We went to Six Flags, the zoo, and the Gateway Arch. It was definitely hectic with this huge family, but honestly a lot of fun too. It reminds me of an elementary school field trip in a way- I mean the Prior's do headcounts and everything.
Now, we're on our way up to Minneapolis, but before that we have planned on visiting the Knights Action Water Park in Springfield, which we'll be hitting tomorrow. We've stopped the RV at some nice campgrounds in southern Illinois, and coincidentally, some nice trails are nearby. Ezra asked if I'd be up for biking for a bit, and after I made sure that Tris was asleep, I said yes. Hopefully I don't get caught. If she finds out I'm doing this right now she'll murder me, but trust me, I know the risks as well.
If I got injured and couldn't play this season, I would probably die from agony. But I also can't keep enduring this same sedentary lifestyle that I've been putting up with for the past few weeks since I got my cast off. I need some excitement in my life, and it's not like I'm running a marathon or anything, I'm just going for a very tame bike ride with my girlfriend's brother.
The path veers on a sharp turn, and I have to lean to the left so I don't fall off the side of my bike. Okay, somewhat tame.
"So," I say, "How are things with you and uh, Kai?" I ask Ezra, trying to break the silence. Truth be told, Ezra and I get along pretty well. I don't pick favorites out of any of Tris's siblings, but I'm definitely the closest with him. It's funny to think of how I was terrified of him hating me when we first met, and now we regularly hang out on our own together. He truly has become my own sort of brother, in every sense of the word.
"We broke up," he states flatly, keeping his eyes trained ahead on the path.
Oh, shit. What do I say? I'm never good at these things. "Damn. I'm… sorry. What… happened? You know, if you like, want to talk about it."
He chuckles, "Nothing much happened. He's a good person. We had a good time. In the end we just weren't right for each other, though. And there's no hard feelings. He'll spend his summer up in Rockford with his family, and I'll spend mine with you guys."
"Sounds… very simple." And not like the full story. But of course, I don't press. Breakups are always complicated, no matter what. And as much as someone can want a no hard feelings break up… those rarely exist. If ever. I think about what would happen if Tris and I ever broke up, but of course, I don't like the road that takes my brain down. And logically I know that a break up isn't coming any time soon between us. We're in an amazing place, our families are close and involved, and I regularly find myself dreaming of a future with her. I talk to her about it sometimes too, and I hope I don't freak her out when I do that.
"Yeah, well, things don't always have to be messy," Ezra says thinly, as our path tilts slightly to the left.
"Mmm… but wait, haven't you been going on dates this past week?" I ask, confused now. Since summer began, Ezra has regularly announced that he has a date before exiting the house and driving off. We all just assumed that it was with Kai, but…
"Yes, but no one ever asked me to specify who I was going out with."
"So… someone new?"
"Various people."
Wow… Ezra's kind of a player. "Respect," I say, because it's not really my business.
"So, what's up with Tris? You treating her good?" He asks, changing the subject.
"I mean I'd say so."
"Hope you guys are abstaining from premarital intercourse and all that," he says, doing his best impression of Natalie.
"Hey, I'll never admit to anything," I tell him. It's also a little weird to be talking about my sex life with Tris to her brother.
"She loves you a lot, you know."
"I love her too."
"Yeah, well anyone can see that."
I can only smile in response to that.
The next few minutes are spent in relative silence. Soon we approach a steep hill, and my legs become sore with exertion as I pedal upwards. However, the effortless glide down the other side of the hill is almost rewarding. My chest feels light, the air whips through my hair, and I smoothly land back on the flat path, flashing a grin towards Ezra who looks as satisfied as I feel.
It takes me a few seconds after that to register that my rapid heartbeat is slowing down, and I realize why. Taking that huge hill could have gone very wrong, a clear instance where I could have retorn my ACL if I had just pulled my leg the wrong way. And my subconscious knew it. That was reckless.
Okay, Tobias. You've had your fun today, time to start being more logical.
"I think we should head back," I tell Ezra, slightly breathless.
He casts me a meaningful look and nods, "Yeah, I agree."
The trail we took circles back to our RV pretty conveniently, so it's not a far ride back, and by the time the RV is in sight, I hop off my bike and walk it over.
"So, will you be hanging around like this all summer?" Ezra asks.
"Uh, for the next few weeks I guess. But in July I'm headed to Europe, and I'll be there pretty much for the rest of summer."
"Uh oh, how does Tris feel about spending a few weeks apart?"
"Um…" When I told Tris about me going to Europe, she didn't seem very reactive. She said of course she'll miss me, but she's really happy that I have the opportunity to sightsee and spend time with my family. She didn't seem super sad or alarmed at the prospect of us being separated, and honestly, it kind of hurt. It's what makes me a little bit apprehensive to ask her to come with me, even though Marcus has already discussed it with her parents and they're on board. I've been trying to find the right time during this trip to bring it up to her… but I keep chickening out. "We probably need to talk about it a bit more, because I might ask her to go with me?" I say the last part like more of a question, because I want to gauge Ezra's reaction about whether he thinks it's a good idea or not.
"I mean if our parents are okay with it, I think she'd want to go," he answers.
"They are. I just need to ask her…" I say nervously.
Ezra sighs and turns towards me fully. "Look, Tris values her independence a lot, and doesn't like to seem dependent or clingy on other people. She's probably more upset about the prospect of you guys spending the summer apart than she seems. Just be honest and open with her, okay?"
I smile gratefully, eased a little by his words. "Will do."
Ezra opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off by a shrill voice screaming "Tobias Eaton!"
I turn in the opposite direction, and there is Tris, marching towards me with anger written all over her face as she looks from me to my bike. Well, I'm fucked.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Tris demands, as she paces back and forth in front of the picnic bench that I'm sitting on.
"Nothing happened!" I insist, "In fact, after I understood how dangerous it was I came straight back."
"But you still went!" She cries, flailing her arms up in the air. "Something could have easily happened! You realized after the fact-"
"Tris-"
"-and another thing! You act like you're doing me this huge favor! Tobias I'm just thinking about you! I saw what not being able to play this season did to you… and you deserve to have an amazing senior year. Think about that please, for God's sake," she huffs, before plopping down onto the bench.
"I'm sorry," I mutter. "You're right. I was being reckless."
Tris's expression pacifies and she sits across from me on the bench, taking one of my hands in hers. "I just don't want you to get hurt, okay? I want us to make good memories together this summer, you know, before you jet off to Europe."
Well there's no better time to ask her than now, I guess. "Why don't you come with me?" I ask in a rush of one of one breath.
Her brows knit together, "Sorry?"
"Um… why don't you come with me?" I repeat, trying to annunciate my words better.
Her face falls in surprise, and then regret. I already know what she's going to say before she starts speaking. "Tobias… I would love to… but… I can't just leave here for a month! My parents, and-"
"Your parents are fine with it. My dad talked to them about it all."
"Well-" she scratches her head, seemingly looking for a better excuse to not come with me.
"If you don't want to come then just say that, Tris."
"It's not that I don't want to… Geez, I just don't… I have plans for this summer! Standardized tests to study for! College apps to start on! I can't just follow you around like a puppy wherever you go. I have my own life, too."
I feel my eyebrows shoot up into my hairline. Is she serious? "If you wanna go there, we can go there."
"What?"
"If anyone follows anyone around in this relationship, it's me! Following you around!"
"That is not-"
"Who spends more time with the other's family? Major holidays, road trips, et cetera! And usually I don't mind, Beatrice! I love your family, and I love everything you guys have done for me. But when you say… that you don't want to 'follow me'... it hurts. Because it feels like that's all I've been doing for these past 8 months, and I just want some time in return from you. With my family. And not even that, but I just want to be with you. I love you, Tris. More than anyone. I don't want to force you into doing something you don't want to… but would you really feel that trapped with me?" I let out a shaky exhale, wipe my hands on my shorts. I don't know where that large burst of emotion came from… but there it is. I've said it.
"I love you too, Tobias," she murmurs. "But I just… it's a foreign country. Far away from all of my friends and family. And of course I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, and all the time spent with us. I never want to make you feel like you have been following me, and I suppose that was a poor choice of words… This just wasn't on my agenda for this summer, that's all. So… I'm sorry."
"Whatever, Tris. It's fine. Sorry I pushed you, then."
Tris looks genuinely distressed about the whole situation, and I can't help but fear that the rest of this trip will be awkward now. I should have just never asked her. Way to go, Tobias.
She opens her mouth to say something more, but is interrupted.
"Tobias! There you are!" Carson has suddenly launched himself into my lap, and I internally sigh as I see the rest of Tris's kid siblings following him.
"We've been looking for you!" Chase says climbing up onto my other side.
"Hey guys, how has your morning been?"
I listen patiently as Chase and Carson tell me about how Andrew took them fishing by the lake this morning, Oliver brings up a book he finished out of his stack of 15 that he brought along for the trip, and Anna clings onto my leg, wanting attention of her own.
Tris leaves part way through all of this, marching swiftly back to the RV, and I just shake my head slightly as I look after her. So much for the two of us being in a good spot.
I took a long nap throughout the afternoon, skipping lunch. The RV the Prior's rented is huge, and that's not an exaggeration. It's double decker, and luxury. It could function perfectly as a mobile home for a few people.
But we're already a big clan in general, so sleeping arrangements are a bit complicated, and also depend on who is driving. My sleep schedule has gotten so messed up on this trip, but it's kind of fun in a way.
Last night Tris and I pulled an all-nighter and marathoned a bunch of movies on her laptop, from La La Land, to Kiki's Delivery Service, to Lady Bird. When she passed out at about 8 am, was when I left for the bike ride with Ezra.
After all that, and then our argument, I was sufficiently tired, so I found an empty room and fell into a long, long sleep. Nathan came by to wake me up around dinner time. He was giving me an odd look, too. I guess word got out about what went down between me and Tris.
We eat dinner at the same picnic benches Tris and I were at earlier. Tris stays far away from me the whole meal, only chatting quietly to Leo. I can tell she's even being sour to Ezra, probably upset that he let me bike… as if I'm not my own functioning human who can think for myself.
"So, Tris and Tobias," Mrs. Prior addresses us as we're cleaning up all our litter at the end of the meal. "Your movie night last night seemed to be a success… why don't we make it a family thing, tonight, since we're not going anywhere? We can set up the projector and everything… I think we have popcorn as well."
All the children holler like they love this idea, and even Tris's older siblings seem into it as well. Tris however, puckers her lips, and says, "I'm just tired tonight, so I think I'm gonna head to bed early. You guys have fun, though."
Natalie knits her eyebrows together worriedly, and Andrew also cocks his head at his daughter. "Everything okay, dear?" Natalie asks.
"I'm fine. I think I'm just gonna head to bed, now. I need to call Christina and ask how Milo is doing anyway," Tris mutters, tossing her trash into the nearby garbage can and pacing off from us.
After she's gone, everyone's heads slowly turn towards me in unison. Tris's family all give me expectant looks.
"What?" I say as nonchalantly as possible.
"We know you guys got into an argument earlier," Owen pipes up, wiping the side of his mouth with his napkin.
"Well, I just-"
"What was it about?" Leo presses, looking pretty defensive.
"She looked really sad," Carson observes.
"I know. It's a lot… and…" I really don't want to talk about this with them.
A silence collectively falls over all of us, until Mr. Prior breaks it. "Alright, guys. Why don't you head off to bed. Tobias, would you mind helping me clean up the grill and everything?" He gives me an imploring look, and I swallow nervously.
"Yeah, of course."
Everyone heads off back to the RV quietly then, and Natalie walks up to me and kisses me on the cheek goodnight. I smile at her. At least I have one person on my side.
"So… what happened, Tobias?" Mr. Prior asks, wiping down the portable grill, and not looking up at me.
"I guess… I just had some misguided ideas about how Tris might like to spend her summer."
"And those would be?"
I sigh, "I asked her to go with me to Europe. She said no. And, I don't know… I just feel like, I put in a lot of effort with her. I get her not wanting to go, I guess, but I can't deny that it stings. I feel like it could be a chance to strengthen our relationship, and grow even closer."
Andrew looks up at me, penetrating me with an indiscernible gaze. His crystal blue eyes are so much like Tris's, and his stare combined with the crickets chirping and the cool summer night's breeze stir an eerie feeling inside my gut. "Take a seat with me, son," he plops down onto the bench and pats the area next to him.
Once I've sat down, he turns to me. "You know my daughter. You know her really well. Clearly you know how… scared she can get."
My eyebrows knit together. "I'm not following."
"She's come a long way with you, Tobias. She's learnt to open herself up more, and to be more trusting. But an international trip is obviously a big deal."
"Okay, I understand."
"All that I'm saying is; try to see things from her point of view. I think growing up in a large family has sort of prevented Beatrice from opening up to others largely. Mostly because it was never a necessity. And then she met you. Son, she's in love with you. And her mother and I often marvel at the changes we've seen from her since she met you. But a part of her is still that insecure girl. Her family is all she knows, she's never been apart from us. And I think subconsciously, she is scared that if she goes away with you, she'll discover a new life can be better than the one she has with us."
That actually… makes a lot of sense. Ezra was discussing how Tris values her independence earlier, and I guess to an extent that is true. She is determined to do things her way, but it's also because of her family that she has that security. She depends on them for a lot of her stability. "Yeah, I guess she doesn't like change very much."
"Exactly. And she doesn't like uncertain things. She wouldn't know what's going to happen over there in Europe, away from us. And she wouldn't know how it's going to change her."
I nod along, now seeing where her apprehensiveness is coming from. Jesus, I never wanted to make her feel afraid.
"But obviously, her life won't be like this forever. Beatrice does need to learn to branch out a bit, what with college approaching and everything. I would bet she does want to go with you, Tobias. She's just scared."
"Well I don't want her to come with me because she feels forced to. The trip wouldn't feel enjoyable, then."
"I know," Andrew places a hand on my shoulder. "I'll talk to her in the morning, okay?"
"Alright."
Thank you all so much for being patient with me through slower updates. My life has drastically changed within these past few weeks, and now I have so much more to worry about. The end is near, though, and I can already see the top of the hill when spring break approaches in a few weeks.
This story is coming to an end soon, and I just wanted to ask how many readers really want a sequel. I have a whole sequel outlined already, and I know I would enjoy writing it, but at the same time I wonder if that effort could be spent on newer projects (as I have a few other divergent fics already outlined as well). I guess I would only feel super motivated and invigorated to write this sequel if my readers really wanted to see it. Otherwise it would feel pointless to start it. And the parts that I really love in the sequel could simply be added on to this story as bonus chapters.
So, let me know your thoughts then, please. I want to know if a sequel is something I should really put time into. As much as I love this world I created, I'm also eager to get to some new ones that I have in mind.
I'm hoping to be back soon, so I will see you guys then with Chapter 29 :) Thanks for all the love!
-Kiki
