Chapter 32

Sarah took the remote and flipped the television off. She couldn't handle another movie. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling high above her in Kelly's industrial apartment. The baby shifted and she rested a hand on her stomach. She hadn't had any more bleeding since arriving home from the hospital the day before, her headache was gone, and she was miserable.

She wanted nothing more than to see Blake, to tell him she was sorry. But then she thought of Leo coming after her again, his threats against Blake, Blake insisting that she needed to deal with Leo and she told herself she had made the right choice. It was good that Blake was gone.

She wiped at her eyes. It was just pregnancy hormones making her cry.

Stella was cleaning the kitchen from breakfast and Kelly was looking out the window. He had been quiet since he arrived back at the apartment the day before. He hadn't said anything about his sudden errand, but Sarah assumed he had filled Stella in later. She didn't pry, but could see the tension in Stella's shoulders and assumed it wasn't anything good.

"You need a different movie?" Kelly asked, apparently realizing the TV was off.

Sarah shook her head as Kelly approached, trying to blink back tears before he saw them. Thankfully there was a knock at the door. Sarah sighed at the reprieve, using the distraction to get herself pulled back together.

Kelly went to the door and pulled it open. "Come in," he said, sounding more like it was an order than an invitation.

Sarah's brow wrinkled at Donovan and Keller filed in, then her breath stopped in her chest, paralyzed, when Blake came through the door.

"What's this?" Stella asked, looking as confused as Sarah felt.

"Probation," Kelly said shortly. He jerked his head toward the kitchen and the men headed that direction.

Sarah shifted so she was sitting slightly more upright and watched the procession. Donovan gave her a nod and Keller said hi. Blake didn't say anything, but she met his eyes and the pain was too much. She looked away.

"You can stop cleaning," Kelly said to Stella. "The three stooges here are all yours. Whatever you need cleaned, fixed, moved."

"I don't get it," Stella said. "What's going on?"

Kelly's face was granite as he looked at the younger men. "They belong to us every waking hour they're not on shift. And Boden cleared it with their captains to work them nonstop while they're on shift. It will give them less time to get into trouble."

Stella looked doubtful, but reached under the sink to set out cleaning supplies.

"After you're done here, my car is outside. You can get it detailed. Then Mrs. Banks on the first floor has a floor to refinish, and Casey needs some work done at his place."

Sarah watched as the three firefighters dutifully took the cleaning supplies and went in the direction Stella pointed.

However awkward it had been to recline on the couch while Stella fixed her breakfast and cleaned, it was worse with Blake and his roommates working around her while she did nothing.

"Sorry," Blake mumbled when he veered closer to Sarah with the broom. He quickly swept under the couch and kept moving. Sarah couldn't bring herself to look away. He kept his eyes on his task.

"How you doing?" Donovan asked, coming over to the coffee table with a spray bottle of furniture polish and rag in hand.

Sarah forced her attention back to the large man. She couldn't manage much more than a halfhearted "Fine."

Donovan put down the rag and bottle and knelt down next to her. "Gallo said the doctors said the baby will be ok?"

She nodded. Donovan glanced toward Blake and lowered his voice. "Look, whatever's going on between you and Gallo, and I hope you guys work it out, Keller and I are here for you. Nothing changes that."

A painful lump wedged itself in Sarah's throat and she tried to nod.

"And we'll be over for Juegos del Corazon," he promised.

Sarah's lips moved in a smile.

"Hey," Kelly snapped at Donovan. "Get working."

Donovan gave her a discreet wink before turning his attention back to his work.

Sarah watched him work, not sure why he was going to stick with her as a friend, but unable to stop the warmth that covered her. Then she looked at Blake again, saw him looking at her before he looked away, and picked up her blanket, intending to go to her room for a change of scenery.

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"Gallo," Severide said, drawing Gallo's attention from where he was about to start scouring the tub. "Give that to Keller. You can fix a closet door that keeps jamming."

"Kelly," Stella said under her breath and he knew she knew exactly what door he was talking about.

Severide ignored her and handed his toolbox to Blake. He shouldn't have a grudging admiration for the man after his stunt, but, while it may not have gotten Leo out of the picture, it had gotten rid of any lingering doubts he had about Gallo being good for Sarah.

"You can also dust the ceiling fan and sweep in there," Severide said, motioning toward the closed door.

Gallo's eyes cut to Severide sharply. Severide feigned ignorance. "Get moving."

Severide tried not to listen as Gallo knocked on Sarah's closed door, but he heard her quiet answer and waited to make sure Gallo went in.

"Is that what this is about?" Stella asked.

Severide looked down at her. He knew she wasn't going to buy his blank look.

"Your personal chain gang isn't here to work off their punishment. You're trying to get Gallo and Sarah to talk."

Kelly shrugged a shoulder. "The closet door does stick."

Stella smiled broadly. "You know what you are?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"What?" Severide asked.

"A big softie," she said.

"No," he said. "I'm not."

"You are," she insisted, nuzzling in closer. "A big, soft-hearted romantic."

Over her shoulder he saw Donovan watching them, nudging Keller to get his attention. "Get working," he ordered sharply. He waited until the two men were out of the vicinity and then kissed Stella soundly.

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Blake heard Sarah call for him to come in, so he pushed open the door to her room.

She still looked too pale. He came in and paused awkwardly. "Severide wanted me to do a couple things in here."

Sarah looked like she wanted to argue, but she just nodded instead. Blake knew she wouldn't argue against something Severide had said.

He didn't move. "Are you doing alright?" he asked.

"Fine," she said, but didn't say anything more.

"Do you need anything?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she answered quietly. He saw her fingers start to fist in the blanket over her lap and decided to give her space. He went over to the closet and took a look at the door.

He could feel her eyes on him and pretended not to notice, giving her space to get her thoughts together, to keep from pushing her too hard.

"What did you guys do?" Sarah's voice came from behind him.

Blake didn't turn around. He thought about how to answer. If he told her he had done the exact thing she had been terrified of him doing-going to the cops and going after Leo- he was certain she would get angry at him all over again. But he didn't want to lie.

"We got into a little trouble with CPD. Severide got us out on the condition he'd take responsibility for us." He hoped that would be enough.

Sarah seemed to take his word for it and he imagined she figured they had gotten thrown in the drunk tank after getting too rowdy on a night out. But then she spoke again and he knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"What did you do?" she asked again, this time dread in her voice.

Blake turned and faced her. Her face was drawn, a mixture of anger and worry.

"We went to talk to Leo—"

"You what?" she asked. He could see the way her hands started shaking. "Why would you?" she demanded. "I told you to get away from me, away from all this! You didn't have any reason to do that!"

"You can break up with me or tell me to go away or whatever you want to do," Blake answered, his own voice raising slightly in response to hers. "But that doesn't mean I'm just going to stop caring about you, Sarah. That I'll stop loving you!"

She looked stricken by his words. "You should. You should stop," she said in a ragged whisper.

"I can't," he said, shaking his head and risking moving closer to her. "I can't just stop loving you. You're everything to me."

It was the wrong thing. She shook her head wildly and then the tears started. Blake tried to move closer to her but she stopped him. "Don't come near me! I told you to stay away from me!"

Her panicked shout brought Stella into the room. She looked at Blake without censure. "You should go," she said quietly, getting close enough to Sarah to wrap an arm around her.

Blake didn't want to walk away, not again. But he remembered what April said back at Med. It wasn't good for Sarah or the baby to get worked up. And he couldn't seem to stop her from the panic that set in any time she thought about being with him. Torn, he hovered near the foot of the bed.

"Blake, go away!" Sarah sobbed, burying her face in her hands.

There was a hand on Blake's shoulder, tugging him from the room, away from Sarah. Away from everything he wanted.

"Give her some space," Severide was saying as he pulled Blake away.

Blake shook off Severide's hand and paced away from the door, farther from Sarah's tears and Stella's quiet voice talking to her.

"You can call it a day," Severide said to Blake, looking to Donovan and Keller who were also stricken, frozen in place by Sarah's grief.

Keller shook himself back to functioning first. "Come on, man," he said to Blake.

Blake didn't move and Keller gave him a light push. He followed his roommates to the door, but Severide stopped them there.

"I'm sorry," the lieutenant said, his eyes meeting Blake's. Blake didn't know if he was sorry for sending Blake into Sarah's room, or sorry that his daughter insisted on carrying a dangerous burden alone. Either way, it meant that she didn't want Blake.

The realization that giving Sarah time to calm down hadn't helped, that she was just as adamant to keep Blake away from her problems today, cut deep. It was the start of the awareness that Sarah might never want him back. Not while she was claiming that she would handle Leo on her own, in her own way. It knifed even deeper knowing that Sarah was willing to throw away any chance at happiness because Leo still controlled her life.

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