Class Act with the Gal Pals – Part Two
(Story Summary: As the end of the first week of the Spring Semester draws to a close, Lincoln and Co. find themselves loving their new class. Despite however odd Mr. Matthews' topics are, they still find it all fascinating. Then, just when things start to get good; Fate comes along and tries to derail the kids' educational fun. Will the class survive in the end, will Haiku's grandfather be fired...or worse, arrested for his "outlandish" teaching methods?)
(Thursday Afternoon)
The week was slowly coming to a close but rather than discuss weekend plans, down at the cafeteria; Lincoln and his friends spent their lunch period telling people about what they've learned in Mr. Matthews' class up to now. At first, they didn't believe much of what the group told them. But then, Lincoln brought up something from yesterday's class.
After only getting a few words in, however; everyone grimaced loudly with revulsion. "Whoa, whoa...rewind and freeze it, Lincoln" Lynn exclaimed, "Toft gave birth to what now?" After taking a moment to calm themselves down from laughing, Lincoln and Co. divulged what they learned about yesterday's other two subjects; George Psalmanazar, the "native man from Formosa" and Mary Toft, the maiden who (supposedly) birthed rabbits.
To say the least, it took everything within everyone's power (that is, everyone who wasn't in Mr. Matthew's class) to not vomit on the table; after hearing the latter story. "Okay...two questions" grumbled Elliot while he rubbed his belly, "one, how was Mary Toft able to do any of that stuff and two...WHHHHYYYYY?!" After everyone took a moment to stifle their laughter; Rusty said that, according to Mr. Matthews, women had "certain hiding places" men hardly knew about.
"As for why, well...according to Mr. M; Toft thought she could earn money as some sort of freak celebrity" Zach explained, "like Dog-Man at the Hazeltucky County Fair last summer." Even with this example, no one at the table seemed to make heads or tails as to why anyone would stuff dead animals in their bodies. But in spite of their confusion, several of the kids all agreed; it was loads more interesting than what they were learning.
"Seriously, when I signed up for Home Economics; I thought the class would be the same as the Culinary Appreciation class you and Clyde were in" grumbled Kaito, "instead, we're stuck in Bolhofner's class; listening to his ridiculous wartime stories, hearing about all the vermin he had to eat...and smell his rancid onion breath!" Several students all shuddered loudly in disgust at the last example, including Lynn; who had no choice but to join the class.
"I'm sorry you missed out on Judo, Lynn" Lincoln said sincerely, "but...at least things can't get much worse, after that; right?" Call it Fate, call it karma or whatever other term exists in the world. But mere seconds after Lincoln's comment was made, a shadow suddenly loomed over the table.
After everyone swallowed a nervous lump down their throats, they turned slightly to find the intimidating form of Mr. Bolhofner standing behind them; his arms crossed firmly over his chest. "So...you lil' munchkins have a problem with my class, huh" he grumbled, "well, I'll help ya learn to really appreciate it, next period...while we spend the next forty minutes sewing leaf ponchos!" Not long after that, he told everyone to "hustle;" adding "the faster you eat...the faster you'll all get back to learning!"
With that done, Bolhofner turned aside and made his way over to the teachers table; all while muttering under his breath how "stupid kids never appreciate a teacher's hard work." After that, all was silent at the table; everyone feeling either too scared or too distraught to speak up again. Finally, Lincoln got up enough of a nerve to ask what got Bolhofner feeling so crabby today.
"On the one side, it's probably just his usual Hoff-headedness, if ya catch my drift" Lynn said jokingly, "on the other hand, I think it might be your doing...or rather your class' doing." Understandably, Lincoln let out a startled gasp at this mild accusation; proclaiming that neither him nor any of his other classmates did anything to upset Bolhofner (on purpose, at least.) "I think I get what she means, Lincoln" Tonya murmured, "see...before Mr. M's class, a lot of us go to Bolhofner's earlier on in the day."
While his godsister's story made a little sense, Lincoln still questioned what it had to do with him and Mr. Matthew's class. "Your new class teaches a lil' bit of everythin', yeah" questioned Ellie, "well, sug...many of the students who have Bolhofner before it have all said the same thing this week; 'when are you gonna teach us something we don't already know?'" With this statement/impression, the truth finally came in clear as day; not just for Lincoln but his fellow W.T.F. classmates as well.
"She's right; I've even said the same thing myself, the other day" Kat interjected, "Bolhofner was trying to teach us about Biology in his class but I told him that Mr. Matthews already covered the lesson for me...he did not take it well." After this story was shared, Lincoln's group couldn't help but feel lucky that Haiku's grandfather was more...stable than most of the teachers they had; Bolhofner among them. But unfortunately, not everyone who had him felt the same way.
Over at the so-called "popular table," Biff and his associates spent their lunch period complaining about Mr. Matthews' lessons. "I swear, if I have to hear anymore rabbit birth stories or dead corpse stories...I'm gonna lose it" Pablo grumbled in anger, "how can that freak possibly think it's okay to teach us this stuff?!" Some of the table's occupants sounded off in agreement with the 8th Grader, claiming that Mr. Matthews' lessons will "scar them all for life."
But surprisingly, Mordecai seemed silent during their whole discussion; which Biff took immediate notice of. "Well...C'mon, Mordo" the jock insisted, "you feel the same as we do, right?!" For a moment or two, Mordecai didn't answer his friend; fearing that he might hurt him if he "answered incorrectly."
It wasn't until Anderson threatened to pour his hot soup down the punk kid's pants when he finally confessed. "To be honest, dudes...Mr. M ain't so bad" he murmured, "sure, his lessons might be a little weird but this is the most I've paid attention in school in a looong time." With a frustrated growl, Biff facepalmed himself and called Mordecai a "complete disappointment" under his breath; while the ladies at the table simply hissed at him like angry stray cats.
(Line Break)
Time passed and everyone, once again headed off to Mr. Matthews' class; where he was giving them a lesson on "the wildest duels in history." "Okay! Now this is what I'm talking about" Rusty chuckled, "what kind of crazy duels are we looking at, Mr. M?" With a coy smile upon his face, Mr. Matthews suggested telling them of a fencing duel that took place within Lichtenstein.
"What's so special about this duel, you might be wondering" he asked, "well...it was a fencing duel at first blood betwixt two noble ladies of Europe." Upon hearing that the duel was between two ladies, the class suddenly murmured with great intrigue. The girls felt curious because any chance to learn about ladies kicking butt was a plus, in their book.
Meanwhile, some of the boys felt a "catfight" was just something that felt both funny yet awesome to see. "Let me introduce the combatants, if you will permit me" Mr. Matthews offered, "could, uh...someone hand me my phone from my desk, please?" Despite the unusualness of the request; Lincoln, who sat the closest to the teacher's desk, collected the phone and handed it to Mr. Matthews.
Afterwards, he accessed the apps menu and activated the microphone feature; before continuing the next part of his lecture. "First, in the red corner; we have Princess Pauline von Metternich" he said in his best boxing announcer voice, "known as a queen bee of Viennese high society; the princess was known as the defender of the arts, a promoter for the famed composer Richard Wagner and was an avid defender of women's right to smoke cigars." In that instant; every boy suddenly had visions of a cigar-smoking, sword-wielding princess.
Meanwhile, the girls felt just as captivated; except for where Pauline's smoking habits were concerned. "And in the blue corner; the opponent, Countess Anastasia Kielmannsegg" Mr. Matthews said dramatically, "a maiden looking to make a name for herself within the Viennese social circles who was a board member of dozens of charities across Austria!" At first, everyone felt captivated; remembering several instances in TV dramas where members of royalty dueled one another.
But then, Jordan questioned what was so special about this particular duel. "It was for two reasons, the first of which...I can't divulge to you because of your ages" Mr. Matthews stated, "but the second reason was the fact that this duel was the first so-called 'Emancipated Duel' in history." Within seconds, he explained all the times where royalty would name a male "champion" to defend the court in duels.
But in the case of this particular duel; both combatants, their seconds and the doctor present were all female. "Ho-hum, how boring" Biff muttered, "c'mon, Mr. Matthews...what's the other reason the duel was so special in the history books." Even though he knew full well what his student really wanted, Mr. Matthews decided to be playful and provide another explanation.
"Believe it or not...it was all over flower arrangements" he stated, "though, it was initially more about social status than anything." The students (save for Haiku) fell over from their desks in surprise, completely taken off guard by their teacher's response. After having a bit of a lark at this, however; Mr. Matthews got serious and decided to explain himself.
"You see, Pauline was the Honorary President of the Ladies Committee and Anastasia was the Acting President of it" he stated, "both had different ideas on what sort of floral arrangement should be used for the Vienna Music and Theatrical Exhibition, one wanted Peonies and the other wanted Carnations." Once more, the students (save for Haiku) fell over themselves in both surprise and disbelief; which made Mr. Matthews feel even more amused. With a groan, Anderson opened up his textbook and turned to the page discussing the fencing duel.
When he finally found what he needed, everyone swore they saw the 8th Grader's eyes almost pop out from his head. "What the...are you kidding me right now" he shouted, "says here that both chicks were topless during the whole thing!" For the third time that afternoon, the other students came close to falling over themselves with shock.
But instead, they stopped themselves midway and immediately looked up the chapter. However, while they did find the text discussing the duel; there were no illustrations provided (much to the disappointment of those like Rusty, Mordecai and even Taylor.) "So, let me see if we heard you right" murmured Tonya, "both these chicks were sword-fightin' half-naked...over flower arrangements?"
Without missing a beat, Mr. Matthews responded with a simple "on the nose" gesture; which made the class feel even more confused. "As I said, it was all more about social status than anything" he stated, "the ladies just wanted to make the flowers seem like the most important aspect of the exhibition." After taking a moment to let their minds process this information, everyone asked one simple question in unison; "why...were...they...topless?"
"All credit for that idea goes to Baroness Lubinska" Mr. Matthews said simply, "she stood as the doctor for both combatants." When asked why the baroness made such a regulation, he answered in saying it was all to protect the ladies' health. "I'm sure any of athletes here will know what I'm talking about" Mr. Matthews began, "but while exercising in any way, clothing becomes quite sweaty and dirty overtime."
After this; he revealed that if either combatant pushed their blade through a limb or slashed at the skin, Sepsis could set in and later kill them. "Oh! My Nana Gayle taught me about that" Clyde interjected, "and now that I think about it...it sort of makes sense that the two ladies dueled the way they did." Mr. Matthews clapped his hands lightly in applause; praising the young man for understanding his lesson so far.
Meanwhile, the 8th Grader group muttered bitterly under their breath; calling Clyde a teacher's pet. Of course, they only acted this way because they felt "cheated" out of seeing topless lady fighters. "In the end, Countess Anastasia only managed to land a single scratch upon Princess Pauline...but didn't draw any blood" Mr. Matthews explained, "yet she was so shocked by what she had done, she completely left herself open for attack."
To emphasize his point, he took hold of his pen and acted out a fencing thrust; causing everyone to gasp. But instead of shock; for most of the students, this was an exclamation of wonderment. "With a single thrust of her blade, Princess Pauline's blade pierced through the Countess' forearm; which actually did draw blood" Mr. Matthews said with a chuckle, "the seconds present all fainted, when they saw the blood gushing slightly."
As if on cue; after hearing the mention of blood; Clyde suddenly felt himself growing faint and almost fell over. But Jordan caught him from his right and helped him back up. "What say you, students; are you not educated" Mr. Matthews asked, "wait until I tell you of a duel that took place between two theater members in 1970." Several students couldn't help but groan at this; thinking that after hearing about two ladies fighting topless, nothing too nuts could possibly happen in the theater.
(Line Break)
"In the end, only one of the duelists pistols fired and they later shared some champagne together" Mr. Matthews explained, "in time, Togo Esben's name was subsequently placed on the program and all was well between the gentlemen thereafter." After the lecture, every student was either chattering amongst themselves or laughing softly at the sheer stupidity of the duel.
Surprisingly, Mr. Matthews openly welcomed the response; confessing that history books viewed the whole thing as a possible "publicity stunt." "Now...we come to our final subject for today's class" he stated, "this time, we shall turn back the clock to one of America's earliest leaders." With that said, he walked up to the slide projector and brought up an image of old president Andrew Jackson on the screen.
"This man, back in the day, was simply nuts for duels" Mr. Matthews stated, "participating in...and I swear I'm telling the truth, 100 of them in his life." In addition to this, he revealed that Jackson was the only president in American History to survive an assassination attempt towards his life...but proclaimed that it was "another story for another day." "For now, I'm going to tell you about one of Jackson's most famous duels" Mr. Matthews stated, "one where he survived an encounter with one of the deadliest marksmen in Tennessee."
Some of the boys found themselves bouncing in their seats with anticipation at this reveal, even some of the Gals (like Tonya, Kat and Stella) felt excited. The next slide that appeared showed an image of a man named Charles Dickenson; whom Liam almost confused as the author Charles Dickens. "The dispute between these gentlemen started when Dickenson called Jackson a 'coward and a poltroon'" Mr. Matthews explained, "which was...basically the same thing, only 'fancier.'"
After giving the students the chance to laugh at the little joke, he continued on with the rest of his lesson. "While Jackson was skilled; as I said earlier, Dickenson was known as one of the best shooters in Tennessee" Mr. Matthews explained, "a man who had already shot twenty-six other men in previous duels...and the two of them were only going to stand twenty-four feet apart." To help give the children proper visual; he stood at the door, took three paces forward and stopped beside Stella's desk.
Needless to say, most of the kids felt the distance was too close for the two men to have a shootout. "You're quite right...but a pellet fired from an 1800's musket does not travel quite as far as today's bullets" Mr. Matthews explained, "but do not worry, Jackson had a plan to ensure his victory." After this, he called one of the students up to be a volunteer to be Dickenson.
After almost twelve seconds of silence, Tonya decided to be the volunteer. Once she got to the front of the classroom; she and Mr. Matthews stood back-to-back, held up their hands like guns and took their steps forward. When Tonya reached her final step, she turned and made a playful "bang" sound at her teacher; trying to appear as equally swift of a marksman as Dickenson was.
"So, what happened next" the young lady asked, "did the guy miss or..." Surprisingly, she could not bring herself to finish her sentence; which seemed ironic due to the fact that Tonya's mother was a cop. "Actually...yes, young lady" Mr. Matthews said simply, "Dickenson's shot struck Jackson in the chest...but it was exactly what Jackson wanted to happen."
To say that the class was left horrified by their teacher's words would be a gross understatement. Without hesitation, several of the students questioned why Jackson planned to deliberately get shot in the duel. "The truth is, Mr. Jackson already knew he could never be quick enough to beat Dickenson to the draw" Mr. Matthews replied, "however...the rules of dueling state that after one person shoots, they can't fire again until their opponent takes their turn (if they survived.")
The final icing on the cake came when Mr. Matthews said that since he survived the shot, he had all the time in the world to aim. "After what felt like ages, Jackson' fired; sending the bullet flying painfully through Dickenson's stomach" he explained, "poor fellow died slowly and painfully over many hours." After taking a moment to shake out the aforementioned images from their collective minds, the students asked what happened with Jackson.
"Surprisingly, the bullet Dickenson fired missed his heart by a mere inch" Mr. Matthews explained, "it was far too dangerous for doctors to make any attempt to remove." As the final nail in the coffin, he said that abscesses formed around the wound; which would cause Jackson utter pain for the remaining thirty-nine years of his life. "Dude...are you kidding me with that" Kat exclaimed, "that is both gross yet...kind of awesome, at the same time."
Some of the other students couldn't help but agree, Jackson seemed awesome enough for beating up his would-be assassin. But the fact that he took a bullet to the chest, survived and carried that pain for the rest of his life made him seem like "a total boss." Then, at that moment; the school bell rang, which signaled that it was time for all the students to head off for home.
But before anyone raced out the door, Mr. Matthews asked them to "hang back" for just a few seconds. "I just want to tell you all...thank you" he stated, "thank you for being so attentive in my class in spite of how...odd my topics might be." While the bully groups all muttered how "odd" was too soft of a word for his teaching methods, the rest of the students happily proclaimed their own thanks to Mr. Matthews.
"You actually know how to make learning fun, Sir" Zach stated, "I wish all teachers could be like you." While his student's words did touch him on an emotional level, Mr. Matthews got his game face back on and revealed the real reason he wanted the students to hang back a little. "Now, I know that most of you will not like to hear this" he muttered, "but tomorrow, I plan on having a pop quiz on what we've all learned so far."
As expected, this announcement was met with a great deal of annoyed groans and whining from the class; with the bully groups being the "loud minority." But before they could get too upset, Mr. Matthews revealed something important regarding the pop quiz. "I know you all don't like the idea...but the quiz is important for all of us" he stated, "if it goes well and at least, half of you pass it; Superintendent Chen will make this class official and you'll all be seeing me a lot more often."
After hearing this reveal, everyone's moods quickly shifted; most of whom became quite excited by the news. If all goes as planned, Mr. Matthews would become an official part of the school staff. "Normally, kids don't like the idea of family teaching in their classes" Haiku thought, "but in this case...there's always an exception; for me, at least."
With this thought in mind, the wee Goth Girl couldn't help but let out an outward squeal of delight; which immediately brought a smile to her grandfather's face. Meanwhile, the bully groups stood in the back of the cheering crowd; grimacing at the wholesome display. With his news delivered, Mr. Matthews finally sent everyone outside; wishing them a nice afternoon.
As everyone hurried off to catch their buses home, the bully groups walked their way down at a snail's pace. "Oh, shoot...a whole semester with this weirdo" Vicky grumbled, "I dunno if I can handle anymore of his grody lessons!" The other bullies all sounded off in agreement, some of whom still claiming they were "cheated."
"He almost had me invested, when he talked about that topless duel" Anderson grumbled, "but how can you have textbooks with no pictures in them?" Almost immediately; Mordecai cleared his throat and said that according to his mother, "most people would use their imagination." This statement caused each member of the two groups to suddenly stare at him oddly, as a result.
At first, the punk boy expected everyone to say something like "imagination is for babies" or something else along those lines. But instead; Biff approached him, placed an arm around his "friend's" shoulders and stared at him suspiciously. "If I didn't know any better, Mordo; it feels like you actually...like the class" the jock murmured, "in which case..."
Rather than say something snide, sarcastic or mean; Biff gave Mordecai a hard slap on the back of his head. Afterwards, the rest of the group proceeded to question what was "wrong" with him. "It's bad enough we're all in the same class as those babies" Taylor grumbled, "but how can you actually like listening to all that trash?!"
In response to this, Mordecai said that he actually agreed with the "babies" in the class; firmly believing that Mr. Matthews actually did make learning fun. "You're losing it, dude" Vicky sighed, "c'mon...let's get outta here before the nerd fumes infect us all." With that said, the bully groups went off down the hall; leaving Mordecai to begrudgingly follow their lead.
But unbeknownst to them; in a bathroom not too far away from Mr. Matthews' class, Mr. Bolhofner could be found inside it. Earlier on, he stopped in here to...attend to his business (as they say) and he just happened to overhear the students while he was washing his hands. Of course, he didn't step out to chew them out for "loitering;" instead, he grumbled bitterly under his breath while drying his hands off.
"I tell ya, those little rugrats don't know any better" he muttered, "learning's not supposed to be fun, it's about work...and keeping the brats in line!" With a bitter huff, Bolhofner threw the towel away and was about to leave the restroom. Then, at that moment; he accidentally bumped into someone who was just about to enter the room themselves.
After stumbling back a few steps, Bolhofner growled and told the incoming person "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" When the disgruntled teacher took a look ahead of him, his frustration grew even higher. Standing at the doorway was the main reason behind his current frustrations, Mr. Gareth Matthews.
"Oh, dear; I am so sorry about that" the man said respectfully, "I hope I didn't hurt you when I..." Before Mr. Matthews could finish his statement, Bolhofner grunted irritably and jabbed his finger against his chest roughly. "Can the nice guy act, you" he grumbled, "thanks to you and your lessons, kids are barely respecting the authority of the rest of us teachers!"
Mr. Matthews simply stood in place, staring oddly at his colleague for a few seconds; feeling utterly confused by Bolhofner's outburst. When he finally spoke up again, he politely questioned Bolhofner on the reason behind his anger. "The reason I'm mad is you, Mister" the man sneered, "all these kids talking about you making learning 'fun and interesting' makes me just...GRR!"
Once more, Mr. Matthews was left utterly speechless by Bolhofner's anger but chose to remain silent; for the moment. "My philosophy is 'school is a lot like life'" Bolhofner stated firmly, "'and just like life; it's supposed to be boring, regimented and meant to keep people in check...so they'd stop screwing around!'" Mr. Matthews stared aghast at his colleague, unsure of what horrified him more; his opinion towards the children, his worldview on teaching...or his rancid breath.
"Listen here, you weirdo" Bolhofner growled, "I didn't spend most of my military career in a volcano eating lizards just to come back to civilization and have my methods be questioned by the likes of you and these darn kids!" Using all the strength he could muster (both to keep up his composure and to keep himself from getting sick from the man's breath,) Mr. Matthews politely asked Bolhofner to not think so little about the children.
"THEY'RE SPOILED BRATS...EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM" the teacher roared, "especially those Loud Kids and the only way to get them to stay in line here is to keep them all under your thumb!" With that said, Bolhofner grunted bitterly and left the bathroom...but not before saying one final thing to Mr. Matthews. "If you have issues with how things are done here...fine" Bolhofner grumbled, "but maybe, just maybe...it only means you really don't belong here after all."
With that, he left the bathroom and headed out the door to the teacher's lot; leaving Mr. Matthews behind to process everything. When he first applied for the job, long ago; both the Principal and Vice Principal warned him that Bolhofner could be...a little rough around the edges. But after seeing just how harsh he can be for himself, Mr. Matthews felt an odd combination of pity and discomfort swirling inside him.
"Perhaps, I should tell the superintendent about this" he whispered, "no...no, no; that will only make things worse and I really want this job." With this in mind, Mr. Matthews walked into the bathroom and proceeded to go about his "business."
(Friday afternoon)
The next day; Lincoln and Co., once again gathered at their usual lunch table. But surprisingly, half of them seemed to spend most of lunch period with their noses in books. "Okay, y'all; this...is stranger than seein' roosters layin' eggs" Ellie murmured confusedly, "why are y'all studyin' during lunchtime?"
Without hesitation, Lincoln informed everyone about the pop quiz coming up for Mr. Matthews' class. Furthermore; the others revealed that if they did well, the class would officially become part of the school curriculum and Mr. Matthews would be working at the school. "Really...well, Sir; if this class of yours is as fun as y'all have been sayin'; I think I might decide to join" Ellie stated, "that is, if it's still goin' on."
In response to this, Stella proclaimed that everything would work out fine. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, dudes" Trent murmured, "at least...not from what I've been hearing." Feeling both surprised and confused, Lincoln looked over at the cool kid and asked what the problem was. "Well...you guys remember that PTA meeting that our parents went to earlier this week" questioned Trent, earning a few nods from the others; "well, according to my mom; one of the 'big issues' they talked about was Mr. M and your class."
After this, he proceeded to mention about all the parents who heard "distressing news" from their children about what the class was teaching them. Among those concerned parents were Biff's parents, Taylor's father, Pablo's mother...even Stella's mother and Clyde's Dads. "Okay...you're probably right to be worried, where Clyde's parents are concerned" Stella murmured while apologizing to the aforementioned boy, "but my mom's only 'huge concern' is always whether or not I'm eating healthy enough food."
While everyone agreed with their friend's reassuring words, there was still the matter of the McBride couple. If there's one thing Lincoln knew about them, after being Clyde's best bud; it's that they were extremely protective of his wellbeing. But at the same time, he remembered all the instances where Clyde showed some strong independence; even going as far as to conquer his old anxieties.
In fact, now that he had Chloe in his life; Clyde no longer had panic attacks whenever he saw Lori. So, with all this in mind, Lincoln presumed that the McBrides would have a little faith in how strong their son was. "All I'm saying, guys is...enjoy Mr. M while you can" Trent said simply, "someone, someday might come along and send him out the school for good."
Despite however truthful his words were, Lincoln and Co. couldn't help but feel that they sounded incredibly foreboding. "And here I thought I was the gloom & doom type" Haiku murmured, "regardless...I have a hunch things will work out for my Da." With the conversation finished, she and her friends returned back to their studies; vowing to know everything possible for the upcoming pop quiz.
Then, at that moment; the intercom suddenly turned on and a delightful xylophone tune played, soon after. It was here that the cafeteria could then hear the voice of Vice Principal Sasha Baskerville greet them. "Heigh-ho, dearies; we sincerely apologize for the interruption" said the vice principal, "but we have an important announcement for the students within Mr. Gareth Matthews' classroom."
From here; they mentioned that the class would be receiving a surprise visit consisting of them, Principal Ramirez and Superintendent Chen. "Do not be alarmed, students" Sasha assured, "we're all simply coming to monitor your class' work progress; if all bodes well for you, Mr. Matthews shall keep his position...that is all and we shall see you soon." Despite the kind tone in their vice principal's words, Lincoln and Co. were soon overcome with near-overwhelming anxiety; Haiku especially.
"Did you hear that, the three big bosses of the school will all be comin' to class" Tonya murmured worriedly, "which means it's make or break time for us and Mr. M." As the friend group all looked at one another worriedly, they mentally hoped and prayed that all would go well next period.
(Line Break)
As the scene shifts to Mr, Matthews' class, we find the students in the midst of the aforementioned pop quiz. For almost a half hour, all was quiet; the only sounds to be heard were those of scratching pencil tips or the shuffling of erasers. But as it seems, not all of the students were putting in the effort to work.
On the eastern side of the classroom; the two bully groups, led by Biff and Taylor were about to put a "secret plan" into motion. "Okay, guys; remember what we all talked about in the caf" the female 8th Grader whispered, "we'll each put in the wrong answers to each question...ready?" In response, everyone in both groups gave her a thumbs up...everyone except for Mordecai.
At first, he sat frozen in his chair; as if mentally debating to make a choice. But after both Vicky and Pablo gave him vicious sneers of warning, he had no choice but to agree. With that settled, the bully groups turned back to their tests and "went to work."
Then, just as Mr. Matthews was about to tell everyone their time was up; there was a light knock outside the door. Afterwards, the door opened and the class was welcomed by a surprising sight. Just as they were informed during lunch announcements; the Principal, Vice Principal and Superintendent Chen entered the room.
However; along with them came Lincoln's parents, Rusty's Dads, Stella's parents and even Mr. Bolhofner. But despite this surprise, Mr. Matthews still did the proper thing and welcomed everyone respectably. "We do apologize for disturbing your class, Sir" Mx. Baskerville stated, "but as you may have heard, we all wanted to pop by to see how your class is progressing."
Not long after this was said, Bolhofner crossed his arms slightly and murmured "speak for yourself" under his breath. "Yes, I do remember that" Mr. Matthews stated, "but...if I may be so bold, why are three of my students' parents all doing here along with you?" Just as Superintendent Chen was about to make a reply, Howard McBride suddenly got right up in Mr. Matthew's face.
With a fierce look in his eyes, Howard then grabbed the teacher by his shirt and glared at him; all while hissing "what are you teaching in this classroom?!" "Now, Howie...remember what Dr. Lopez told you about dealing with harsh situations" said Harold McBride while trying to pull his husband back, "'think before you act.'" For a moment or two, Howard remained where he stood, glaring intensely at Mr. Matthews with fire in his eyes.
But after a little bit of extra encouragement from both the principals and Superintendent Chen, he finally relented. However, he still glared bitterly at the teacher; as did the other parents. "With all due respect, everyone...what is the meaning of this behavior" Mr. Matthews said while dusting off his shirt, "why are you acting so viciously?"
Rather than see the McBrides act up again, Mr. Zhau stepped forward and presented Howard's earlier question...but in a calmer tone. "All week, our children have been telling us about the...reprehensible things you've been teaching them" he said with disgust, "women birthing rabbits, corpses being put on trial and...my neighbor even said you've been teaching her daughter about parasitoid wasps?!" Naturally, Lincoln and the other students were confused by all this talk.
They were particularly confused about the wasp issue; proclaiming that they weren't taught that at any point this past week. "Oh, uh...that was when I was teaching another group of students before this one" Mr. Matthews explained, "I was planning on teaching you all that, next week." Not long after he said all this, everyone watched as Mr. Bolhofner approached Mr. Matthews and proclaimed that such a lesson "was never going to happen."
In addition to this, he added that after seeing how upset three of the students' parents seemed about everything; Superintendent Chen would see to it that Mr. Matthews wouldn't be able to teach at a daycare (let alone a public school.) "Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves" Principal Ramirez interjected suddenly, "while you andthe parents are entitled to your stance on things; we must, at least give Mr. Matthews here chance to explain himself." Without hesitation, Mrs. Loud seconded the principal's notion and so did Mx. Baskerville.
With both sides at an impasse on the matter, they all had no choice but to give Mr. Matthews the floor. "Explain yourself then, Sir" Superintendent Chen said firmly, "explain why you're teaching these children such outlandish and...shocking topics?" At first, Mr. Matthews offered no reply or defense; he simply stood in place and dusted off his suit slightly.
The whole time he was doing this, half of the students sat in silence; mentally praying everything would work out in the end. "Please, protect my Da" Haiku thought worriedly, "let no bad happen!" After almost a minute of silence, Bolhofner grew frustrated and he demanded for Matthews' to speak up. "Alright, you all want the truth...here it is" said the teacher softly, "as most of you know; my darling wife, Fiona works for the Ren Faire during the summer."
Upon mentioning this; Lincoln and his friends let out some wistful sighs, fondly remembering their visit to the aforementioned faire last year. At the same time, Mordecai and a few other students in the class stared at Haiku in utter confusion. "Dude...you're granny works at the Ren Faire" the punk boy murmured in surprise, "that is tight!"
The bully groups growled viciously under their breath, after hearing him say this. But none appeared more frustrated than Biff, who silently questioned whose side Mordo was on. Meanwhile, the parents and school staff members all glared at Mr. Matthews; as if mentally telling him to get to the point of his story.
"Right...well, as I was saying; my wife and I believe in making what we do feel as educational and fun as possible" the man explained, "thus, we prefer to...step away from the status quo a little and show others just how odd, bizarre and fascinating the world truly is." In response to this, not only did the students openly profess their support in Mr. Matthews' beliefs. But in spite of their initial fears, both Lincoln and Clyde looked towards their parents and proclaimed "where's the harm in that?"
"Besides, I feel that teaching the students about the odd elements in this world is the best way to help keep them invested" Mr. Matthews stated, "just look here at their pop quizzes; hopefully, it will prove my point." With that, he politely asked each member of the class to hand over their papers; which were then handed over to the Principal, Vice Principal and Superintendent." For what felt like ages, everyone watched the trio in silence; wondering what they thought of the children's answers.
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm...everything seems to be in order here" Chen murmured, "except...it looks as though six of your students have got every question on their papers wrong!" This revelation utterly shocked both Mr. Matthews and the rest of the students. Then, just when things felt like they couldn't get any worse; Mx. Baskerville gazed over at Mr. Matthews and sighed sullenly.
"Be assured, Sir that this is not out of neither disrespect nor malice towards you" they murmured, "but...it was agreed that unless your class received a collective passing grade on their first quiz, you would be denied a chance to teach here." Not long after this, both Principal Ramirez and Superintendent Chen confirmed that the deal was sound; which made the students feel even more distraught. But out of all of them, Haiku appeared the most devastated by this news.
Meanwhile; Mr. Matthews, after taking a moment to let all this sink in, accepted his fate and was ready to pack up his supplies. But before doing so, he looked towards the class with a sad look upon his face. "Just remember, children...I'm not upset or angry with you" he sighed, "if half of you failed, it only means...that I must've failed, somehow." The whole time he was saying all this, Bolhofner stared at him from the sidelines; smiling smugly.
After a while; Matthews packed up his case, waved goodbye to the class, thanked the staff for "giving him the chance to prove his worth" and was mere moments away from leaving. But then, something happened that took everyone by surprise. At that moment, Mordecai slammed his fists upon his desk and suddenly shouted "WAAAAAIIIIT!"
This sudden outburst was just enough to stop Mr. Matthews right in his tracks. However, at the same time; everyone's eyes soon fell upon Mordecai (much to his own displeasure.) "Well, young man; we're waiting" Superintendent Chen muttered, "why the sudden outburst?"
As the punk boy was about to state his piece, Biff grabbed him by his shoulder and roughly pulled him back into his seat. "Is that hair dye affecting your brain, Mordo" grumbled the jock, "we're mere seconds away from kicking that weirdo out...don't you dare louse this up!" As added incentive, the other bullies joined in on the "private discussion;" warning Mordecai to keep his mouth shut...or else.
"No, not this time" Mordecai said firmly, "I'm okay with pranking, every now and again...but when you want me to hurt someone that's actually cool, Biff; that's where I put my foot down!" While on the inside, the young punk boy felt proud of his moment of bravery; he soon realized the fact that he just blurted out his thoughts out loud for everyone to hear. It was here that Mordecai soon noticed both the other kids and the adults staring at him suspiciously.
"What was all that about, young man" Mx. Baskerville inquired, "and please, do speak openly and honestly for us?" After taking another look over at the other bullies, Mordecai could see Biff and Vicky making vicious gestures at him; as if vowing to punish him later. But in spite of that, he held his ground and confessed everything to the adults.
"Mr. M is an awesome teacher, you guys" he began, "he's taught us stuff that no other teacher would ever have the guts to talk about with us." Not long after this, Mordecai confessed that he and a few of the other kids planned on failing the pop quiz on purpose; believing that (according to Biff and Taylor) if half the class failed, it would get Mr. Matthews fired.
"Is this true, Clyde" questioned Howard McBride, "were some of your classmates really willing to do this to your teacher?" As Clyde was about to speak, he noticed that the bully groups (with the exception of Mordecai) were all giving him vicious gestures; ranging between throat slits and pounding their fists in. But rather than be intimidated by it all, Clyde stood his ground and revealed everything.
"Granted, Biff and Taylor's table was a little too far away from mine; so, I couldn't really hear anything during lunch" he explained, "but right before the test even started, I heard them talking about some sort of 'plan;' so...I think Mordecai is telling the truth." After he said all this, Clyde glanced over at the aforementioned punk boy and noticed he was giving him a soft smile. At the same time, he also noticed that the boy was giving him the "goat horns" salute; which seemed to be his way of saying "thanks."
Feeling inspired by what had transpired thus far, the other students soon jumped into the fray and offered up their own praises about Mr. Matthews.
Rusty: "He actually makes learning awesome!"
Stella: "His lessons keep us all engaged"
Cristina: "Mr. Matthews is oddly charismatic"
Jordan: "He teaches us stuff I never even knew existed before joining the class."
Clyde: "Mr. M is a little weird...but it's in a fun way, you never know what's gonna happen next with him."
As they listened in on the students' words, each of the adults had varied reactions. The McBrides marveled at how confident their son was behaving, Mr. and Mrs. Zhau felt impressed by how highly their daughter spoke of Mr. Matthews and the Principals were both dumbfounded by everything the class had been saying thus far. Then, Lincoln stood up from his seat and decided to close the argument with his own words (knock on wood.)
"Most important of all, Mr. Matthews respects us enough to believe we have the courage and ability to handle heavy topics" Lincoln said firmly, "unlike some people who work here!" Without the slightest bit of fear in him, Lincoln and almost everyone else in the class all jabbed their fingers towards Mr. Bolhofner; which both confused and infuriated him. "You've got something to say to me, Loud" he growled, "say it to my face, then!"
For a brief moment, Lincoln almost worked up enough nerve to give the man a piece of his mind. But then, he quickly remembered what Harold McBride said earlier about thinking before you decided to act; which was (ironically) something Dr. Lopez once taught him last year. With this in mind; Lincoln, once again sat back in his seat.
But while the young Loud boy was unable to speak out against Bolhofner, Mr. Matthews, on the other hand had no problems there. "Mr. Loud speaks the truth, everyone" he stated, "during the week, while heading off to my own classroom; I got the chance to look in on how things are done here and while everyone else here are excellent instructors...Bolhofner's classroom is another matter." Before letting the man continue, both Chen and Ramirez proclaimed they were quite aware of certain "issues" regarding Bolhofner's class.
These all ranged from complaints about his strict punishments, the news regarding several tardy reports he filed (back when he taught in the trailer) and then, there were the several complaints made by both students and staff regarding his hygiene. "Now that you mention it...I have a complaint of my own" Lynn Sr. interjected, "last year; my daughter, Lynn Jr. told me you were teaching your class how to cook reptiles and...desert scavengers?" Upon hearing this, the other parents' stomachs growled loudly in disgust; forcing them to try and not vomit on the classroom floor.
"I thought you told us the school menu was hygienic, Principal Ramirez" Mrs. Zhau cried out, "why would you try and teach kids to eat...(blech) lizards, of all things?!" Earlier on, Mr. Bolhofner was already frustrated by having his teaching abilities be questioned by children; Lincoln included. But after hearing a parent complain about his dietary choices, it pushed him over the edge.
"You think there's gourmet dining around while trapped in a volcano...NO, THERE ISN'T" he shouted, "WHEN YOUR SURVIVAL IS ON THE LINE, IT'S EITHER EAT OR BE EATEN!" After this, he proceeded to claim he was doing a teacher's job the "right way;" by teaching the students about discipline, respecting authority and real life lessons on survival.
After taking a moment to try and disregard the man's outburst, Principal Ramirez proclaimed that while she was willing to take his word on the matter of survival tips; there were still other issues that needed to be addressed. "What about your poor hygiene, your unkempt appearance" she listed, "or the fact that an entire class almost had heat stroke due to you failing to turn down the temp in your former classroom at the trailer?" With a frustrated growl; Bolhofner stomped his foot on the floor and, instead of speaking with his superiors, he turned his ire towards the class.
"So, you people have a problem with my hygiene, huh...and how I look" he asked bitterly, "well how about you try doing laundry when you're living the bachelor life on a teacher's salary!" The students gasped in shock at this outburst, many of whom wondering what they did to deserve being yelled at. But sadly, it looked like Bolhofner was far from finished with venting his frustrations.
"As for turning down the temp in my old class...how is that my fault" he shouted, "none of you darn kids bothered to ask me to turn it down anyway!" To say that both Mx. Baskerville, Superintendent Chen and Principal Ramirez were shocked by Bolhofner's outburst thus far would be a gross understatement. At the same time, Matthews simply stood back in silence and let the man vent a little; taking in how his students responded to it all.
While some of the students either appeared indifferent about it all or tried to stay strong, some of them took Bolhofner's ravings rather poorly. Then, as he looked over the class; he saw something that made his blood boil. While Bolhofner continued to rant and rave about how much the kids needed to be "put in their place while at school," Haiku appeared to be struggling.
Normally, his granddaughter was known to be rather calm and collected; like all her fellow Goths. But after hearing Bolhofner's harsh words towards her grandfather, her fellow students and herself; her walls started breaking down. Then, after letting out a soft sniffle; tears started to trickle down her cheeks.
While the near majority of the class and adults felt concerned by this, Bolhofner and the bullies reacted much differently. "What's the matter, ya little baby; are you gonna cry" Taylor sneered, "somebody outta get her bottle." While her companions, Biff and Vicky all laughed at Haiku's expense, Bolhofner simply grunted irritably and told her to suck it up.
"That's it, I HAVE HAD IT" roared Mr. Matthews, "you can insult my teaching methods, you can violate my personal space in the restroom and I can even deal with your bad breath. But when you insult children in my presence, especially my granddaughter...you're dead!" With that, he let out a ferocious yell and delivered a powerful punch to Bolhofner's nose; sending the man flying out the door. Naturally; the parents, principals and Superintendent Chen were shocked by this display.
The children, meanwhile all saw this as an epic duel; almost as epic as the President Jackson vs. Dickenson one they learned about. Sadly, just as Bolhofner got back up to his feet and prepared to retaliate; Chen quickly intervened. "Alright, that is enough" she shouted, "because of this little display, I have no choice but to have you be dismissed early from class."
Normally, the idea of being dismissed from school early (especially on a Friday) would be awesome to the kids. But after everything they've seen, heard and been told; all the joy seemed to be drained out of them. As the Principal, Vice Principal and Superintendent wished everyone a nice weekend; the Louds, McBrides and Zhau Parents all offered to help bring the children home.
However, as Biff and the other bullies were about ready to leave as well; Ramirez quickly stepped in their way. "Not so fast, children" she said firmly, "to start with; Mr. Burns, I speak for all of us here when I say...thank you for your confession earlier." With a light smile on his face, the punk boy smiled slightly and bowed in respect to his superiors.
Meanwhile, Lincoln and Co. stared at the duo in silence; confused by the fact that Mordecai's last name turned out to be Burns. "However...willing or not, you and your 'associates' almost got an innocent man punished" Superintendent Chen said firmly, "thus, firm yet fair punishment is called for." No sooner had this been said, Biff and the other bullies started shoving Mordecai from behind; all while they growled at him viciously."
What happened next not only surprised the group in question but the rest of the class as well. "It seems to me, Mr. Burns that your behavior seems to be...slightly improving; after previous wrongdoings and your...'friends' have committed" Principal Ramirez stated, "thus, you shall be punished by...serving time in Detention both this afternoon and tomorrow morning." This came as a complete surprise to young Mordecai; yet, he still felt relieved all the same.
However, the rest of the bully group felt both confused yet slightly outraged by this announcement. "Hold on, that doesn't seem fair" Vicky exclaimed, "if Mordo gets Detention, what do we all get?" Not long after this, all the children stared dumbfounded at the young redhead; as if telling her to be careful with what she said.
"It's interesting for you to bring that up, Ms. Spicer" said Superintendent Chen while looking Vicky square in the eye, "this isn't the first time you lot caused trouble, not just to the school but the town as well!" She then went on to list all of the times the group's antics either put people in peril, caused damage to school property or disturbed the peace.
"I had hoped you would've learned your lesson, after being punished for your actions last Halloween" Chen grumbled, "but it seems...that more drastic measures are needed here." With that, she gave the students a choice; either follow Mordecai's example and serve Saturday Detention or risk serving Detention during Spring Break. Before anyone could ask, Ramirez explained the main difference between their detention and Mordecai's.
"Because he chose to confess his actions, stood up for Mr. Matthews and showed genuine remorse for what happened; he'll only serve time during one Saturday" she stated, "meanwhile, the rest of you will be serving yours for the remaining three weeks of this month...if that's what you'll agree to." In that moment, every member of the two bully groups soon started to debate over which seemed the "most doable" punishment.
"We'll...give you all a moment to think on that" murmured Superintendent Chen, "meanwhile, there's one last loose end that needs to be tied up." With that said, all eyes soon turned towards Bolhofner; who was currently nursing a sore nose.
(First AN: What better for class to end than a teacher fight, eh? In any case; Mr. Matthews held his ground, the students stood in his defense and all those who tried to get him fired will be facing justice. But what does the future hold in store next week? Will Mr. Matthews lose his job due to the fight, will Bolhofner take legal action and what sort of punishment choice will the bully groups decide on?
The answers to all these questions will be revealed in Class Act with the Gal Pals – Part Three. So, see you next time)
(Second AN: Sorry to disappoint some of my followers...but while the CollegeHumor series W.T.F. 101 did show off the Topless Duel in "all it's glory," I couldn't do it here; both because of the anthology's rating and for the fact that these kids are in Middle School. Thus, I don't think it would be appropriate for them to see such imagery just yet)
(Third AN: Some might call Mordecai/Punk Kid's actions a "heel-turn," considering what he did in past oneshots in this anthology. But here's the thing, Mordecai was actually showing some genuine interest in the class' lessons. Thus, he didn't want anyone to get him unjustly fired; even if those responsible are his "friends," Biff and Vicky.
Thus, I think we can officially call this a "Redemption Episode" for Mordo; if ya know what I mean. Rest assured, unlike what the show did with Chandler; I won't turn Mordecai back into an antagonist character in future oneshots. Speaking of which, this won't be the last time you'll see him as a nice/good guy)
(Fourth AN: You'll notice several minor references to either past additions to this anthology or references to episodes of the original series. Said episode references include those from No Bus No Fuss, Schooled and Flying Solo. As for the Ren Faire thing, that's a reference to an earlier oneshot from this anthology)
(Fifth AN: I know there will be those out there who might find issues with my depiction of Bolhofner, some of whom might claim I'm "vilifying him." But so far, in each of his show appearances; he has yet to show any sign of positive character development. Furthermore, both my mother and hundreds of other Loud House fans agree that in the real world; everything he does is cause to get him fired.
If my parents found out that a teacher of mine was holding a grudge against me, all because one of them "cut him off on the road;" they'd immediately demand the teacher's resignation. In short...I just hate the guy, I mean "Ramsey Bolton" levels of hate, whereas I only hated characters like Lynn on a "Playground Bully" sort of level)
(Sixth AN: As of now, Vicky's last name is Spicer and Mordecai's last name is Burns. To be honest, I had a minor writer's block moment while trying to come up with last names for them)
(Final AN: In case anyone might be confused, the difference between the Home Ec. class Bolhofner taught in Flying Solo and the cooking class Lincoln and Co. were taking in the Gender Bender oneshot is this. The latter class purely focuses on lessons about cooking, the appreciation of culinary arts and learning about different recipe styles. Meanwhile, even though Home Ec. does teach a little about said subject, it's only in small ways.
Instead; Home Ec. focuses more on financial details, understanding how to raise children and/or in Bolhofner's case...nature survival. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings)
