Class Act with the Gal Pals – Part Three

(Story Summary: After being dismissed from school early due to the "Pop Quiz Incident" that happened in class, Lincoln and Co. spend much of the weekend worrying about Mr. Matthews and his future at the school. No one knows what the future may hold but one thing is certain...big changes will be coming to Royal Woods Junior High)

(Scene Change: The Faculty Lounge)

Once school had been dismissed and all the students headed off for home; the teachers all remained behind for a short while. At which time, they were in the midst of discussing Mr. Bolhofner's punishment for what had transpired earlier. "I still don't understand what my crime is" the man cried defensively, "so, I was being strict towards the students...big deal; loads of teachers across the country have done that."

After this, all the other teachers and staff stared at him in silence; yet the look in their eyes all shared the same thought...utter disappointment. It was here that Mx. Baskerville took a moment to clean their glasses an breathe out a calm sigh before speaking. "It's rather simple, really" they murmured, "your 'crime,' Master Bolhofner is that you've not only shown utter contempt towards the students; you have failed in your oath as a molder of young minds."

After requesting permission to speak up; the Biology teacher, Mrs. Pham, said her own students have also mentioned how they "already knew about what she was thinking" thanks to Mr. Matthews' class. "Yet, at the same time; I took it with a grain of salt" she stated, "I don't blow my top and take my frustrations out on the students." After being put on the spot yet again, Bolhofner grunted in frustration and insisted he did nothing wrong.

"They're derelicts...undisciplined, ungrateful brats that need to learn their place" he shouted, "you have no idea what they've done to me over the years." After facepalming herself in irritation; Superintendent Chen proclaimed that complaining about the room's temp, his bad breath or the rare moment where a student's parent cuts them off on the road while driving were not legitimate reasons to punish children. "Furthermore, all this name-calling isn't helping you in your case" she said firmly, "this isn't a war camp, Hoff; it's a Middle School and you need to act accordingly while on duty."

Upon hearing the war camp comment, Bolhofner proceeded to bring up his "illustrious military service." "I demand respect, you yokels" he exclaimed, "I didn't spend fifteen years in the military followed by two months stranded inside an active volcano, surviving on lizards and pumice stone, just to be pushed around by a bunch of chuckleheads!" As expected, this statement left half the people in the room utterly flabbergasted; with the other half (specifically Meryl and Mx. Baskerville) appearing the verge of fainting.

"Mr. Bolhofner...how dare you talk to us this way" Mrs. Pham exclaimed, "this behavior is most unbecoming of a soldier, let alone a teacher." With his military honor being once again "insulted" by his colleagues, a vein soon formed on the side of Bolhofner's head; making him look ready to burst in anger. "With all due respect, Sirrah; we also protest this behavior" Mx. Baskerville stated, "insulting your colleagues is atrocious enough...but leave the children be!"

Bolhofner's vein throbbed even harder, when he heard mention of the kids. Not long after that, he proceeded to bring out his "they're nothing but brats" insult. "Well then, Mister; I've been meaning to ask you something for a long time" Officer Higgins interjected, "if y'all hate the youngins so much...why bother becomin' a teacher in the first place?"

In response to this, Bolhofner claimed that he never even wanted to become a teacher. In truth, he wanted to return back to the service; a place where he felt he "truly belonged." "But no" he grumbled, "those idiots felt I was used up, an old model...felt that younger soldiers were better than the likes of me; someone who actually has experience in the field!"

That did it; with that simple outburst, the truth seemed to come in pretty clear to the staff and officers in the room. "Hold up" Officer Higgins murmured while shaking her head, "so...by your logic; you decide to take out your anger on lil' kids, just because your corp. wanted younger officers instead of you?" After taking a moment to let all this process, everyone in the room openly proclaimed that Bolhofner's defense was utterly ridiculous.

Naturally, this only seemed to make him become angrier and angrier by the second. "It's not just about that, people" the man grumbled, "those kids are unruly, undisciplined, disrespectful brats!" Not long after this, Bolhofner proceeded to question if any of the other teachers had seen the "unruly behavior" he described."

"You're right on that point, Hoff" murmured Coach Keck, "we've all seen the kids act uppity from time to time...but the real key is handling it all the right way." When Bolhofner questioned everyone on what "the right way" to deal with kids was; the principals summed it up best with four simple words; being firm yet fair. "From what Mr. Matthews here has told me earlier this week, he has seen one or two instances where the class acted up" Principal Ramirez stated, "but he didn't shout at them or insult anyone; instead, he firmly insisted that everyone calm down or tap a ruler against the marker board slightly."

In response to this, Bolhofner not only called Matthews weak; like he did in the past. But he also questioned why he didn't threaten the class with detention, if they acted out of line? "To start with, threatening children in any way is against the school's code of conduct" Mr. Matthews replied, "but as for why I didn't 'do anything,' as you claim, when they'd acted out of line; such incidents rarely came up." He then went on to say that it was specifically Biff and Taylor's respective groups that chose to act up.

"However, as we've heard from young Mr. Burns; the main reason they behaved thus was to make me look bad" Mr. Matthews said firmly, "meanwhile, the rest of the class was rather well-behaved during my lessons...including the 'unruly Mr. Loud' that Bolhofner mentioned." Upon hearing mention of the young man's name, Superintendent Chen sighed heavily and rubbed her temples for a minute or so. It seemed as though whenever some "big incident" happened in any part of Royal Woods, a member of the Louds seemed to (almost) always be at the center of it.

"But that's precisely my point, Ma'am" Bolhofner huffed, "if anyone deserves to be punished...it's either Loud, one of his sisters...or his gang members." Everyone in the room cried out in alarm, upon hearing their associate imply that Lincoln was "part of some gang of hoodlums." Mr. Matthews was the most outraged of them all, reminding Bolhofner that his granddaughter was "part of that gang."

"I haven't forgotten about how you made my Hilde cry earlier, Hoff" he grumbled angrily, "if my wife saw it happen...she'd blast her bagpipes so loudly into your ears, your head would pop!" Shocked by the man's choice of words, Bolhofner turned towards Superintendent Chen and urged her to take action. "I insist you give me the right to sue this man" he insisted, "he just insulted me, threatened me and he made comments about my breath several times this week."

Straightaway, the superintendent chose to disregard Mr. Matthew's bagpipe comment; proclaiming that it was only an empty threat. "Now, then...first of all; everybody's been having issues with your breath for years" she said fiercely, "students, faculty, janitorial staff...even I've commented about it in the past; are you going to sue me, then?!" With that simple yet furious inquiry, all the fire within Bolhofner seemed to die out in an instant; causing his earlier harsh demeanor to become terrified.

"Furthermore, if anyone holds the right to call legal action against someone; it would be Mr. Matthews" Mx. Baskerville said with their arms crossed, "or have you forgotten that we were all there, when we saw you bring Miss Hildegard to tears with your harsh language?" In addition to this; the Vice Principal proclaimed that it was against school policy, regardless of grade or education level, for a school official to purposefully make a student weep. "This district already has enough controversy under its belt" Superintendent Chen grumbled, "not just for what happened last year...but I was recently informed of an incident that almost occurred down at the elementary school."

Due to her emotional state barely hanging on by a thread; she simply said that the issues revolved around young Lisa Loud and her 1st Grade Homeroom teacher, Ms. Allegra. "Since the start of January, Miss Loud consistently criticized her on her teaching methods" Chen explained, "she claimed everything Ms. Allegra taught was 'inaccurate' or 'intellectually stifling.'" Without hesitation, Bolhofner proclaimed that the aforementioned scenario described exactly what he felt was "wrong" with children today.

"Actually, Sir; Miss Loud isn't truly at fault there" Mr. Matthews interjected, "because of her...surprisingly high intellect, it would make sense for her to not appear 'academically challenged' in Ms. Allegra's class." Superintendent Chen smiled slightly and thanked the man for looking at the situation with an open mind. After that, she explained that Ms. Allegra decided to give Lisa an "opportunity to spread her wings." "Apparently, since she seemed to have such huge issues with her teaching methods; Miss Allegra offered Lisa a chance to teach in her place" Chen explained, "turns out...the position seemed more difficult than she presumed.

There was a light fit of ironic laugher heard throughout the room, except where Bolhofner was concerned. "Ah, yes; I remember that" murmured Mr. Matthews with a giggle, "Lincoln told my granddaughter this story, later that week during one of their online chat sessions." Soon, the atmosphere in the room shifted from tense to positive; which everyone happily welcomed.

But then, Bolhofner butted in and irritably reminded everyone that they were getting off-track. "Very well, then" sighed Principal Ramirez, "as Superintendent Chen just mentioned, our schools are dealing with enough controversial circumstances; we don't need you fanning the flames with your ridiculous issues." That did it; with that final comment, Bolhofner's vein finally popped (metaphorically speaking) and his next outburst was just enough to seal his fate.

"I've had enough of this" he growled, "I've worked in this rackin'-frackin' school for years...and instead of respect; all I get is grief, complaints and unjustified scorn!" The final nail in the coffin came, when Bolhofner glared squarely at Superintendent Chen and proclaimed that she was "just as much of a spineless knucklehead as the students." Needless to say, she did not take it well; as seen when she crushed her coffee cup in her hands.

This along with the fury blazing in her eyes was just the thing to tell everyone that they should leave immediately. "Uh...have a pleasant evening, Ms. Chen...Ma'am" murmured Officer Campos uneasily, "we'll...see you on Monday." Once this was said, everyone else offered up hasty farewells and made a quick beeline for the parking lot.

Afterwards, only Chen and Bolhofner remained in the room; the latter appearing so nervous that he thought the whole situation was some kind of war flashback. "Just close your eyes, Ernest" the man thought fearfully, "just close your eyes and...and maybe, she'll disappear." With a hopeful smile, Bolhofner closed his eyes and counted down from three; praying that this was all just a nightmare.

But when he opened his eyes, Superintendent Chen remained where she stood; arms crossed, foot tapping and her face bearing a look of pure contempt. In the end, all of this could mean only one thing...the boss lady was beyond miffed.

(Line Break)

The weekend came and went pretty quickly but for Lincoln and his friends, it didn't really matter. During both days; nobody really had the desire to have any fun. From Friday night to Sunday night, only one thing loomed in their thoughts; what would happen to Mr. Matthews.

This wasn't the only thing they thought about, that afternoon. Upon entering the classroom, everyone immediately noticed that the numbers had suddenly...shrunken (so to speak.) To be more specific; Taylor, Pablo, Anderson, Biff and Vicky had yet to show up. The only one from the group who did come to class was Mordecai; who chose to sit quietly in his seat. Not wishing to get on his bad side, everyone agreed to give the guy his space.

For some time; no one had spoken a word, made a sound or even so much as sneezed due to how tense things were. Finally, someone finally worked up enough nerve to say what was (possibly) lingering in everyone's minds at the moment. "Do you guys...think we all did the right thing" murmured Clyde, "I mean, we all did give one of our teacher's major lip, even though we were defending someone else's honor."

Ironically, several of the other students all thought the same thing; feeling just as concerned as their friend. With this out in the open and the tension cleared away, everyone finally got the courage to talk to one another again. It was here that Haiku approached Mordecai, looked him straight in the eye, took him by the hand and smiled warmly.

"Thank you for defending my grandfather" she murmured, "you know...you don't seem as bad as I initially thought, given your previous encounters with Lincoln." Mordecai chuckled nervously, offered up his thanks for Haiku's kind words (however confusing they were) and said "the Hoff had it all coming." "As for me...the truth is, I'm not that much of a tough guy" confessed the punk boy, "I only acted tough and mean to younger kids because I thought it would keep me in Biff's cool circle."

After hearing all this, no one could decide which seemed more surprising; the confession itself or the fact that such a tough looking kid actually had a soft side to him. Of course, in Lincoln's mind; it didn't seem that impossible. After learning that both Ronnie Anne and even his older sister, Lynn had their own soft sides; he learned that people aren't really who they appear to be.

"I know what I said sounds incredibly lame...but it's the truth" Mordecai said defensively, "Biff an upperclassman, see; both inside and outside of school." It was here that he told Lincoln of what he said way back on his first day, that Biff hailed from Huntington Manor. Of course, after being in school with him for half a year; everyone could already sense a sort of "hoity-toity" attitude about Biff.

"So, what's this got to do with you" inquired Jordan, "how did you get into his 'good graces?" For a moment or two, Mordecai hesitated; as if feeling nervous about what to say next. Then; he reached into his pocket, brought out his wallet and removed an ID card from one of the slots...his ID card.

The surprise came when everyone took a look at the photo; which showed a young man with curly red hair, glasses and a t-shirt that read the words "Dinosaur Ninja" on the front in stylish lettering. Naturally, everyone was shocked by how Mordecai hooked; none more so than the Guy Squad. "Dude...no way, you like Dino Ninja too" cried Zach with delight, "it's the coolest 90's film series ever!"

As the rest of the Guys started chattering in agreement, Mordecai stared at them in utter shock. Of course, it didn't take long for some of the ladies to notice and they asked if he was alright. "Oh...yeah, I'm good" he murmured, "I just...Biff always told me nobody else would like a series as 'lame' as Dinosaur Ninja."

The Guys all scoffed lightly at this, while also proclaiming that the meathead didn't know what he was talking about. "I have to admit, even I love those movies a little" Kat murmured with a shy smile, "which one is your favorite?" Whether it was coincidence or Fate; what happened next took practically everyone off guard, especially the boys themselves.

With broad smiles upon their faces, they each pumped their fists high (Mordecai included) and declared "DINOSAUR NINJA IV: RISE OF THE CAVEMAN WIZARD!" Soon after this, the rest of the boys all gasped dramatically in shock and gawked at Mordecai in astonishment. "You've seen that movie too" inquired Lincoln, "man...I've watched it so many times, I practically know every scene by heart!"

Mordecai was left so dumbstruck by this news that his jaw could've hit the floor, it dropped so low. Before today, he always believed Lincoln was nothing but a weak nerd who loved pop culture and "ruining his family's lives." Of course, Mordecai then realized that this was all just stuff Biff probably wanted him to believe about Lincoln.

In any case; his eyes were wide open and wide awake, now. "What about video games, dude" Rusty asked the punk boy, "do you play 'em or do you think those are lame?" Without hesitation, Mordecai shook his head and assured everyone that he was as mad about gaming as he was about Dinosaur Ninja. "I'm more into RPG games, though" he stated, "y'know; alien worlds, fantasy settings...the kind of stuff where you can create your own character and go on quests."

Once again, everyone in class was left utterly speechless by the boy's confession. But none appeared more shocked than Lincoln himself, who had the most "history" with Mordecai. In the end, he believed that he might've found a new Middle School confidant (if not a friend.)

But just as Lincoln was about to ask Mordecai another inquiry about himself, the door suddenly opened and everyone immediately went silent. Much to their surprise; they were greeted by none other than Principal Ramirez, Vice Principal Baskerville and Meryl. "How do, youngins" the secretary said in greeting, "hope y'all had a nice weekend."

In response, the students simply murmured indifferently under their collective breath; which made both of the principals feel quite distressed. After a while, Mx. Baskerville lightly cleared their throat and politely called for everyone's attention. "We understand how you all must be feeling right now, dearies" they said kindly, "after everything that had happened, t'would be nigh impossible to enjoy the weekend...would it not?"

While they didn't mean to do so; almost immediately, several students responded to their effeminate VP's words with the simple yet sarcastic phrase "thank you, Capt. Obvious." "Now, now; there's no need for any of that talk" Principal Ramirez said firmly, "besides...we have some news to share with you." In spite of the black clouds still looming over them, the kids' collective curiosities were piqued and the asked what was happening.

"To start with, you may have noticed that your class has...reduced in size a little" Mx. Baskerville stated, "this is because as of now, a collection of your classmates have been reassigned to a new classroom; one that we all think will do them a world of good."

(The scene flashes over to another part of the school, the two bully groups are seen taking a class known as "Fun with Financials. Upon entering, we find an elderly teacher giving a lecture to Biff, who appears to be bored out of his mind. But in spite of this, the teacher simply goes on happily with his lecture while reading from a book about taxes)

Elderly Teacher: So then, you add your deductibles...Oop! Guess what, young man; you're a deductible (cackles playfully)

Biff: SOMEBODY, GET ME OUT OF HERE!

(Three doors down from this classroom; we find Miss April Rain teaching an Anger Management lesson to her class. Said class consists of Vicky, Taylor, Pablo and Anderson; who all groan softly while their teacher/counselor sings to them with Neko-Chan providing back up vocals)

Miss Rain: "32 Donkeys playing on a sled, one fell off and hurt its head, Santa called the doctor and the doctor said..."

Neko-Chan while using a deep voice: "No more donkeys playing on that sled."

(As the duo begins the next verse of the song, the kids appear to be on the verge of a collective mental breakdown.)

Anderson: "This has to stop...this HAS TO STOP!"

Taylor: "Really, Andy...aren't you anxious to hear about what happens to the 33rd RACKIN' FRACKIN' DONKEY?!"

As Miss Rain prepared herself for the next verse of the song, Vicky and Pablo were finally pushed over the edge and leaped out of their seats. "THAT'S IT, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE" screamed the young redhead, "IT'S TORTURE!" After this outburst, the song suddenly stops and everyone stares at her blankly for a moment.

Then, after a while; Miss Rain starts shaking her head while clicking her tongue in disappointment. "Now, Vicky; this kind of behavior is not appropriate" she said in a calm yet firm voice, "do you need a hug from Neko-chan?" After hearing this suggestion, the plush blue mascot let out a happy mew and opened her arms wide; eager to receive a possible hug.

But instead; Vicky simply growled at her, picks up a pencil and threatens to strike the "prissy feline;" if it tried to approach her. Needless to say; no one approved of this outburst, especially not Neko-chan. "I was told you'd be difficult" Miss Rain said with a sigh, "which is why I should introduce you all to a new friend of mine." As expected, the bully group proclaimed they weren't the least bit interested in meeting any of their teacher's "friends."

"I'm afraid you all don't have a choice" the councilor stated, "you children are acting rather mean to me and do you know who likes to visit meanies, Neko-chan?" After letting out an excited gasp, the feline mascot clapped her plush paws together and shouted two simple words; "Mister Lay-About." Unsurprisingly, the bully group wasn't the least bit afraid or intimidated by this reveal.

"Ooh! Mr. Lay-About, huh" Pablo jeered nastily, "and just what does he do...lay around and watch TV?" Instantly, this comment brought the others to break out into a fit of loud mocking laughter. But rather than be bothered by this, Miss Rain simply faced the door and gestured for someone to come in.

For what felt like hours, Pablo and his "friends" kept on laughing like a pack of mad hyenas. Then, at that moment; something suddenly grabbed the teenager by his shirt and pulled him out of his seat. It was another sort of "cutesy-wutsy mascot," one modeled after a grizzly bear with a small blue nightcap atop its big head and was wearing a set of blue and white stripe pajamas.

Its face had a sort of tired expression, giving the mascot the look of a sleepy bear ready for naptime. As Pablo tried to wrestle out of the mascots grip; Mr. Lay-About pulled him over to the corner of the room, plopped himself down onto the floor and had himself a lie-down. As a result, the boy was experiencing a bit of a "role-reversal" moment; with him being the bear's teddy bear instead of the other way around.

Naturally, the ladies and Anderson were quite bothered by this and wasted no time in trying to free their "friend." "Hey, you overgrown throw rug; let him go" Taylor shrieked, "what you're doing has got to be a violation of a student's personal space!" As if expecting her to say this, Miss Rain giggled softly and brought forth a paper from her desk; which she then proceeded to hand over to Taylor.

Upon reading it, she and her group were shocked to see that it was an executive order signed by Superintendent Chen herself. "As you can see, little ones; if you act up while in class at any time, I reserve the right to discipline you accordingly" Miss Rain explained, "so long as it's humane...and being cuddled by a snuggly-wuggly bear like Mr. Lay-About is perfectly so." After reading over the paper from top to bottom, left to right and beginning to end; Taylor realized that their teacher had them all cornered.

Then, at that moment; Mr. Lay-About reached up with its free arm and snatched the rest of the group into his embrace. "There we go, nice and cozy" Miss Rain cheered, "now...maybe after a fifteen minute nap, you children won't be so crabby and we'll continue with the rest of class." As the bear mascot nuzzled his "cuddle buddies," the bully group let out soft whimpers of fear.

At the end of the day, they couldn't decide which would make them crack quicker; their teacher's songs, Neko-chan's hugging or being bedtime toys for a sleepy bear mascot.

(Line Break)

As the scene flashes back to the present, the children couldn't help but giggle softly; thinking that the bullies' new classes might keep them out of their hair for some time. At the same time, Mordecai couldn't help but sigh with relief; feeling happy to have escaped such a fate himself. He also found himself wondering why he let the likes of Biff push him around for so long.

But before Mordecai could think on the matter any further; Cheryl quickly called for everyone's attention, once again. Afterwards, Principal Ramirez was given the floor and she went on to the second order of business. "There will also be a change in the school's curriculum" she stated, "as of now, Home Ec. will no longer be taught in this school."

To ensure no one would misunderstand her; Mx. Baskerville interjected and explained that due to the fact that there was already a culinary arts class available to the students, having it alongside of Home Economics simply didn't make much sense in the long run. "Then...If the class is gone, does that mean Bolhofner is too" questioned Mordecai, "I dunno how I should feel about that." Surprisingly, the rest of the students all sounded off in agreement; which didn't quite surprise the principals.

"On the one hand, we all understand why you must feel conflicted" Principal Ramirez murmured, "especially when Bolhofner's behavior in the past is taken into consideration...but this doesn't mean we should revel in the misfortunes of others." Straightaway, the students all sounded off in unified agreement; assuring the trio that they actually did feel sorry for what happened to Bolhofner. "By order of Superintendent Chen, The Hoff's gonna have to make his case in court" Meryl explained, "'course, it could all take a while to do."

In addition to the news about the man being fired from teaching and having to go to court, she said that the latter situation would take days to resolve. "In short, it looks as though he may miss out on Spring Break next month" Mx. Baskerville stated, "but that is another matter entirely." After being told this little tidbit, Lincoln couldn't help but pity his former teacher.

Having been part of a court case himself, he already knew just how long and drawn out such events could be. Meanwhile, the rest of the class tried to appear calm and collected about the matter. But in their heads, they were all leaping about like they were on the biggest of sugar highs. "We appreciate you telling us all this; Ma'am, Zir" Jordan said respectfully, "but...what about our class here?"

With this inquiry, the look on Principal Ramirez's face slowly shifted into a sly grin; which made the class feel rather uneasy. But before anyone could ask what was going on, Mx. Baskerville gave a nod at the door and lightly tapped the tip of their parasol against the floor. Then, the door suddenly burst open from the outside and someone came rushing into the classroom; shrieking madly and dancing like a nutjob.

The stranger was dressed in an outfit supposedly made of leather and either hair or some other wooly substance. They wore a mask that was made of similar material, one that completely covered the top half of their face. Needless to say, their sudden barging in utterly terrified the students.

Then, three more strangers rushed into the room; dressed in similar outfits and acting just as wild. After letting the children scream for just a bit longer, one of the mad strangers suddenly bellowed out a jolly laugh; a laugh that made Haiku's one visible eye widen. "That voice...could it be" she whispered, "Da...is that you under there?"

The stranger smiled down at the wee Goth and removed their mask, revealing the face (and long, shaggy hair) to everyone. Standing before them dressed in an odd costume was their beloved teacher, Mr. Gareth Matthews. "Surprise, students" he greeted warmly, "I'll bet you're all happy to see me, huh?"

While the rest of the class stared at the man in stunned silence; Haiku, after being overcome with emotion, rose from her seat and raced into her grandfather's arms for a loving hug. "You...Y-You really scared us, Da" she said while laughing with tears in her eyes, "and I'm not just talking about the prank." After finally finding his voice again, Lincoln raised his hands and asked what was going on.

"We all thought you'd be fired, Sir" Mordecai murmured, "after everything that happened last Friday, I mean." The rest of the class sounded off in agreement, several of whom asking if Mr. Matthews was still going to teach in school. "Allow us to explain everything to you, dearies" Mx. Baskerville offered, "yes...what happened last Friday was a deucedly horrid experience, not just for us...but for all of you."

After being offered the floor, Principal Ramirez reiterated the fact that Mr. Bolhofner had been dismissed from his teaching duties. But then, she elaborated on the matter by expressing her sincerest apologies to the students. "I had no idea that Bolhofner made things so uncomfortable for you, children" she murmured with mild shame, "both in terms of his attitude and how he conducted his class...not to mention his health."

After taking a moment to excuse herself for the minor insult, Principal Ramirez explained that what Bolhofner had done went against several rules in the school's new code of conduct. "Which brings us to the matter of Mr. Matthews" Mx. Baskerville interjected, "contrary to what Bolhofner and the...unruly members of this classroom had claimed, this man's lessons broke none of the rules within the aforementioned code." When Mordecai asked if Mr. Matthews' teaching methods went against the rules, Meryl decided to speak next.

"I gotta admit, y'all; when we first learned about the things the man's been teachin', we all got mighty worried" she stated, "but...after lookin' at everyone's pop quizzes (with a few exceptions,) it turns out Mr. M. here is on the up and up." Naturally, because of Meryl's country tone; only Liam seemed to understand what she meant; which is why Mr. Matthews offered to get right to the point.

"Since the class did so well and I didn't break any real rules, contrary to what Bolhofner thought, I get to keep my job here" he decreed excitedly, "which means...it's time to get back to W.T.F. 101!" Upon hearing this news, everyone let out a hearty cheer of joy; even Haiku (whose eyes still had a few joyful tears left in them.) But then, all of a sudden; Rusty stopped cheering and stared at his new teacher oddly.

"Since you're going to be with us again, Mr. M; can I ask you something" he inquired, "who are those people with you and...what are you wearing?" After the other four strangers each had a laugh, they removed each of their masks; revealing themselves to all. In that moment, Mordecai couldn't decide which surprised him more; the fact that one of the group members was a woman...or the fact that her hair seemed bigger than her head.

"NANNA! Wow, this is unreal" Haiku cried with joy, "and...am I right to guess that the others are the rest of your performance troupe?" With their identities found out, the other three costumed strangers revealed themselves to the class; causing the Gals and Guys to simply cheer wildly. Meanwhile, Mordecai questioned what Haiku's granny was doing in the class along with her grandfather.

"I thought he said she worked down at the dinner theater" he stated, "did you...quit or something, Ma'am?" With a hearty laugh, Fiona McNair shook her head and assured everyone that she was still gainfully employed at the theater; adding that she was only called in to perform on the weekends. "Other times; those who perform for the faire, like meself, spend most of the year practicin' for the upcomin' Summer season" she explained, "but this time, we're here to help Mo Leannan; Gareth."

With that, she proceeded to give her husband a loving kiss upon the lips; much to the mild dismay of the students. Afterwards, Clyde asked Mr. Matthews about the outfits he and his family were wearing and why they came in raving like fools. "Oh, well...the answer's quite simple" the teacher murmured, "with Spring Break on the way, I thought it would be amusing to discuss some of the most infamous...'party fouls' in history.

It was here that he and his family decided to reveal the first topic of today's class session, a prank gone wrong performed by King Charles the 6th of France. "In the beginning, he and three members of his court were planning on a performing a simple prank on the queen and her Lady in Waiting during the latter's third wedding" Matthews explained with a naughty grin, "what happened next...well, instead of a wedding; this would be known in the history books as the Bal des Ardents." As expected, nobody knew what the words meant in English; that is, until Clyde decided to break out his French-English Dictionary.

"Let me see here" the boy murmured, "according to this, "Bal des Ardents" translates to..."Ball of the Burning Man?!" At first, several students and even Meryl believed the event was a reference to the Burning Man Music Festival. But Mr. Matthews quickly told them that that the Bal des Ardents took place in 15th Century France, ages before Burning Man would even come into being.

"This was actually a nickname" Gregor McDuffie added, "one that thought up by the survivors of a great tragedy that took place on the night of the prank." Feeling both curious yet scared at the same time, everyone asked what happened on the night of the wedding. "I dunno...should we really tell them, Gareth" inquired Fiona's brother, Angus; "I mean...do ya think these wee ones have the stones for this kinda story?"

Without hesitation, every student in the room sounded off with a hearty "YES!" This not only brought a smile to Mr. Matthews' face but to his family, Meryl and Mx. Baskerville's as well. "Well then, children...you see; Charles the 6th and his associates made costumes to make them look like wild men" Mr. Matthews stated, "costumes that consisted of linen soaked in pitch, tar or resinous wax; which was then covered with frazzled hemp to make them all appear shaggy."

In addition to this, Haiku raised her hand and added that the linen cloth was sewn onto the bodies of the king and his associates. With this in mind along with what the costumes were made of and remembering what the ball was later called, a sense of morbid realization slowly washed over the classroom. "Actually, people forbade the use of torches during the ceremony" Mr. Matthews stated, "but...it is a party and there would still be a chance of someone making a foolish mistake; such as when the King's brother, the Duke of Orléans stumbled in drunk...waving a torch about like a fool."

At this point in the story; Mr. Matthews started performing pantomime gestures depicting the duke acting drunk, a spark fluttering in the air and of course, the moment when said spark touched one of the costumed pranksters. When this happened, the their body was suddenly set ablaze (as demonstrated by the teacher's miming abilities.) "It wasn't long until the other costumes were set ablaze as well" he stated, "soon, the whole party fell into a complete panic!"

When Mr. Matthews and his family started screaming dramatically, the students all laughed gleefully with amusement; while poor Meryl suddenly fainted into Mx. Baskerville's arms with shock. As Mr. Matthews continued with his lesson, Lincoln took a moment to say his final thoughts to the "viewer." "And people said learning can't be fun" he said with a wink, "with Haiku's grandfather teaching here, I think my friends and I will be in for a fun semester."

Not long after he said that, Lincoln could swear he heard Mr. Matthews say something about the pranksters burning so badly that their "jewels" dropped to the floor. Needless to say, Principal Ramirez suddenly found herself growing faint before falling over to the ground; just like Meryl. As he and his family looked down at the fainted women, Mr. Matthews chuckled and whispered "and they were worried you all would feel faint from my lessons, children."

The class couldn't help but laugh a little, finding it ironic that they seemed to be "made of sterner stuff" than some adults. "Miraculously, two of the dancers survived the whole incident" Mr. Matthews explained, "one doused himself by leaping into a barrel of wine and King Charles survived by ducking beneath the skirt of the Duchess de Berri." As expected, all the ladies in the classroom suddenly blushed heavily; while some of the boys mentally proclaimed that hiding beneath a skirt seemed...'pretty hot."

"Don't ye get any ideas, laddies" Leslie Haggard said with a sly grin, "for you see, the Duchess...was the King's aunt." With this simple reveal, the boys' faces suddenly went pale with shock; while the girls in the class looked at them and shouted "HA" in a playfully mocking manner. The whole time this was going on, Mx. Baskerville gazed at the class and chuckled softly.

"It looks like Mr. Matthews will feel right at home here" they thought mentally, "I only hope the rest of school is ready for the likes of you, Sirrah."

(First AN: And thus, history has been made at the school; both figuratively and literally speaking. Haiku's grandfather gets to keep his new job at the school, most of the bullies have been punished for their actions in class, Bolhofner's been fired and Mordecai is starting to show signs of possible kinship with our heroes. Now, let's hope Royal Woods Middle School is ready for W.T.F. 101)

(Second AN: The donkey sled song is actually a reference to a scene from The Amazing World of Gumball episode entitled The Candidate. I figured if it was enough to drive the characters from that show, the same thing would happen with the bullies)

(Third AN: Speaking of references, the Dinosaur Ninja thing is a Total Drama: Ridonculous Race reference; one involving the two step-brothers' favorite movie. I figured it would be the perfect guilty nerd pleasure for Mordecai. Meanwhile, the scene where Biff is receiving financial lessons is based on one from the Disney series; Amphibia.

As for Miss Rain's new partner, Mr. Lay-About; I got the idea for him from Kim Possible. To be specific, it's from a scene in Dimension Twist; where Drakken is visited by "Mr. Sit-Down. At first, I thought of using that character as a punishment for the bullies disrupting Anger Management Class.

But then, I realized it probably wouldn't feel appropriate; given the fanfic's rating. So, I went with Mr. Lay-About; a sleepy bear who cuddles angry people until they've calmed down; felt more appropriate)

(Final AN: Once more, I have a feeling that people might find my depiction and later punishment of Bolhofner to be rather harsh; claiming that he's "just doing his job." But while I'm unaware of what he was involved in during his "illustrious military career;" to be honest, a person who spent fifteen years in the military does not seem like stable teacher material. For one thing, most soldiers who've served return home mentally changed forever; appearing hostile towards others due to PTSD.

While Hoff doesn't appear to be suffering from psychological stress from his experience, he's certainly not improved his attitude towards people. Furthermore, his behavior towards kids seems like clear signs of "Ageism;" which is an actual real-world social bias where one stereotypes, discriminates or displays prejudices towards others based on their age. Even though he's only appeared on the show two or three times, so far; he's shown clear signs of Ageist attitude towards the students he teaches.

Which begs the question, why did he want to teach teenagers at all?)