IMPORTANT: So that you're not confused, any of Bella's speech that is written in italics is her signing, and not verbally talking.
Hereafter
Chapter 33
September 10th, 2019.
Bella.
"Do you have the time to listen to me whine,
about nothing and everything all at once?
I am one of those,
melodramatic fools.
Neurotic to the bone,
no doubt about it,"
When I was a teenager I went through a grunge phase, and Green Day was one my top played artists on my iPod. I used to listen to their music so loudly that it made my ears hurt, and Charlie constantly told me to turn the volume down, or to put my iPod away for five minutes because we were having dinner. The phase only lasted for, maybe, a couple years? But it had such an impact on me that even now, when a song from that time begins to play, it takes me back to that moment.
The same thing happened during the middle of my music therapy. I had my phone on shuffle, and so I never knew which song would come next, but I liked all of the songs that I had downloaded, and so it didn't seem like a problem to me. That was, until Basket Case began to play. I used to love this song by Green Day, and I'd sing along to the lyrics because I knew them all off by heart, but now it had a different meaning. A much more personal meaning.
"Sometimes I give myself the creeps,
sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.
It all keeps adding up,
I think I'm cracking up.
Am I just paranoid,
or am I just stoned?"
Well, I knew for certain that I wasn't stoned. I wasn't even allowed a sip of alcohol, let alone a drug that had the ability to completely take away any rhyme or reason inside my head.
No, I was just paranoid.
I did give myself the creeps, and my mind constantly played tricks on me.
But do people have the time to listen to me whine?
I didn't even want to answer that one.
I paused the song before it could play with my head more than it already had done. Sometimes songs speak to me, and I take in the advice that they offer out, but other times they drill the realization into my head.
Sometimes I feel as though I really am just one of those melodramatic fools.
0-0
Angela greeted me with a warm smile and took a seat opposite where I sat on the couch. I had taken off Luna's harness, but I had her lying over my legs to do some deep pressure therapy. I was doing much better opening up to Angela, but I still felt some tremors shake through my legs during every appointment, and so the DPT helped me keep my tremors at bay, but also Luna knew to keep an eye on me during the time.
"How are you doing today, Bella?" She asked as she brought out a pad of paper from her bag.
"Okay," I replied honestly.
"What have you been up to this past week?"
That was a question that Angela asked me on a weekly basis. It was good for her to understand where my strengths and weaknesses lie, but it's also important that she can work out what I need to improve on, or what I've managed to achieve.
"I… went to the store… with Charlie," I shrugged.
"That's great," she smiled as she wrote down my words. "Do you know how long you were there for?"
I knew exactly how long we were there for. Every time I left the car I always made sure to mark the time on my phone, and then I'd mark it again when I got back in.
"Fourteen… minutes," I replied.
"And did you talk to Charlie during that time, or did you sign?" Angela asked.
"I signed."
"How often would you say that you use ASL during an average day?"
"Um…" I paused to think for a moment. "It depends."
Not only did it depend on how I felt that day, but it also depended on where I was. If I was in the house, and I felt fine, then I would happily talk to Charlie or Edward, but if we left the house, that was where my problems began. I know that James is behind bars, and I know that he isn't going to leave that place before he's dead, but my mind has difficulty processing that. He could have easily gotten in contact with someone, and they could be sent on a mission to track my every movements. What if they caught me talking? What if they then relayed that information on to James? I didn't want to spend any more time in the collar, and I didn't want Edward or Charlie to become a victim just because I opened my mouth. So it was safer that I signed, and I was happy with that choice.
I had been learning ASL for a few months now, and I wasn't fluent in the language, but I knew enough to get me about the day. I often spent hours on end watching videos on YouTube, or watching someone sign at the bottom of a television show. I'd turn off the volume and see if I could work out what they were saying, and then learn from the mistakes that I made.
Edward and Charlie were also learning, but I knew that Charlie was finding it difficult. They never had to sign back to me, but it was crucial that they knew exactly what I was saying. Apparently, Edward's family were also learning, and sometimes Rosalie and I would FaceTime, but we'd spend the entire call signing and see how we got on. It meant so much that they were putting themselves through that just for me. It was an incredibly important skill to learn, but it was difficult, and so I appreciated the time and effort they put into it.
"Do you sign here at home?" Angela asked.
"Yes."
"Why don't you write it down instead?" She queried.
"Because…" I stopped there.
My hand began to twitch and I scratched away at the skin on my right arm to try and dissolve the feeling. Luna caught onto the motion and placed her paw over my hand, but I still continued to scratch.
"Why don't you write it down, Bella?" Angela tried again.
It was her job to help me answer the questions, but sometimes I couldn't answer them. Sometimes the question angered me, like that one had done.
"Because… I…"
"What is it that you're trying to say?"
"I don't… like it," I stuttered.
I hated writing things down. I can talk, my voice works, and so why do I need to use some paper to communicate? Why can't I just say the words that run around my head? I didn't even see the difference between writing it down or signing the words, and so I wasn't sure why Angela was so adamant that I tried a different technique.
"Okay," Angela nodded as she understand the struggle I had. She then turned over to a new page of her book and began to scribble something down. "I'd like you to try something for me. The next time you leave the house - whether it's to go to the store, or somewhere else - do you think you could talk to your dad or Edward?"
I nibbled away on my bottom lip and picked away at the skin around my nails. That was an incredibly hard request to ask me, and I wasn't entirely sure how to answer.
"You don't have to have a full conversation," Angela quickly added. "I just need you to say one word. Say you're in the store and you can't reach a bag of pasta from a shelf, I'd like you to ask whoever you're with to get it for you, but use your words."
"I… don't know," I replied honestly.
"I get that it's difficult, but if you use your words, you'll see that nothing bad happens when you do so," she smiled sweetly. "Your biggest fear is talking. Your PTSD sparks up when you open your mouth, and that is completely understandable, but we need to get a hold of it. Once we've dealt with the battle of talking, we can focus on the other issues."
Other issues. Because I don't have just one or two.
I appreciated what Angela was saying, and I understood what she was trying to do, but it didn't mean that I could comply with her requests. It was going to take time, and I think that she knew that.
After all, Rome wasn't built in a day.
0-0
September 13th, 2019.
I opened my eyes to the morning sun that attempted to break through the curtains. At first I thought of it as just another regular day in my life, but then I remembered the date, and what I was about to face. It was my birthday. Today I turned twenty-six years old, but I'd never felt more childlike in my life. It had been sixteen months since James and Victoria had viciously taken me from my home, and it had been thirteen months since I had been rescued. It all felt as if it had happened yesterday, but some days it felt like years and years had passed.
Luna peered over at me with her warm, almond eyes. She had a perfectly decent bed on the floor, and Charlie often preferred for her to sleep there, but I had other ideas. I didn't care if her fur covered every surface of the bed, or if I sit down for a second and then have a backside covered in it. There was something comforting about having Luna lie with me.
"Luna," I whispered, just loud enough for her ears to pick up. "It's my… birthday, Luna."
I enjoyed the one-sided conversations that we shared. Because no one else could hear us, I could tell Luna all of my secrets and fears, and even though I knew that she couldn't reply, I knew that she was listening.
"I've had… you for a… full year, now. Thank you… Luna. For everything."
I never understood people who said that their pets were their best friends before now, because the only pets I'd ever had were a tank of fish when I was seven. But now I knew what they meant. Your best friend doesn't have to talk to you, or even be human. Luna is my best friend, and I could trust her with my life. I do trust her with my life, every single second of my life.
A knock came from the door ten minutes later, and Charlie pocked his head around it. "Happy birthday, honey," he said cheerily.
I sat up slightly in the bed and gave him the strongest smile that I could muster. I'd never been a fan of my birthday, and he knew that.
"Would you like to come down for breakfast?" He asked.
"Yes, please," I replied.
"Excellent," Charlie cheered as he made his way towards my wardrobe. "What would you like today? Porridge? Bacon?"
"Um…" I paused to think about what my body wanted that day. It always changes. "Porridge… and tea, please."
Charlie looked out an outfit from my wardrobe and then dropped it neatly on the bottom of the bed. Luna jumped to the floor, but she sat beside the bed as she awaited for her next order.
"I'll go and make that and I'll meet you down there, okay?"
"Okay." I nodded feebly.
Charlie gave me another smile before he left the room and closed the door firmly behind him. I no longer needed people to help me get changed, which I was thankful for, but Charlie still liked to take some clothes from the wardrobe for me. I've found that I'm weak first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and so he does whatever he can to make the morning easier for me.
He had found me a pair of gray sweatpants, a black tank top, and a black sweater. I also had a fresh pair of fluffy socks, and so I slipped them on along with my beige slipper boots.
I ran a brush through my hair and tied it back into a loose ponytail. I collected Luna's leash from my bedside table, connected it onto her collar, and then wrapped the handle around my right hand. Her harness was kept downstairs, for whenever we left the house, but I always kept her leash with me in case I needed Luna for balance.
"Up," I said once I was ready to walk. Luna stood up and then I used her as my aide as I stood from the bed. "Okay, let's go."
We made it to the stairs without a problem and then, as trained, Luna sat down on the first step until I was ready to move. I didn't need help with the stairs, but I couldn't rush them, either.
"Let's go." I said once again.
Luna moved first, and then I followed on behind her. She always turned her head to make sure that I was balanced before she continued on moving.
Charlie had the kitchen table set with our breakfast and a few presents were piled up neatly on the side. The presents were all various sizes, but I had no idea what was hidden under the paper.
I popped my medication out from the foil packet, washed it down with some water, and then tucked into the bowl of porridge that Charlie had prepared for me. As I did that, he let Luna out into the back yard and then finished off making his own breakfast. The only noise came from the coffee machine, and I liked that. I didn't want it to be too hectic or loud. Our mornings were often quiet, and so it would have felt strange if there was suddenly a loud noise filling the place.
"Would you like to do the presents now, or wait until later?" Charlie asked once the breakfast had been all cleared up.
"Um…" I tugged at the end of my ponytail as I thought. "Maybe… some now?"
It was a Tuesday, and so I knew that Edward would be working, but he had already promised me that he would come over to the house later when he had finished for the day. I didn't want to be bombarded with gifts all at once, and even though I told him that I didn't want anything, I knew that Edward wouldn't listen. If I split them into two then it wouldn't seem as terrifying.
Charlie gave me four out of the seven presents and let me open them in my own time. All four of them were from him, and it included two new books, a fleecy, white throw, and a personalized journal with I.M.S printed in gold in the bottom right corner.
"Thank you," I smiled. "I… love it."
"I thought you could keep your mind at bay by writing in the journal," Charlie replied. "I have one more gift, but Edward is taking care of it, and so you'll get it later when he arrives."
"One more?" I frowned.
"You'll understand when you see it."
Last year Charlie had surprised me with Luna, but I had no idea what it could be this year. He said that I'll understand when I see it, but what did that mean? Edward had to take care of it? There were so many questions involved, but I guess there wasn't a way of finding out until later.
0-0
The rest of the day continued on in the same fashion. I took a nap when Luna was with her trainers, I watched a movie, and I continued on with my ASL training. Both Rose and Alice sent me a text message wishing me a happy birthday, and so I had a short conversation with them both, which was really nice. Rose had asked if I had opened the gift from them yet, and when I said that I hadn't, she said that I should get back in contact with her. That was it. Another riddle to try and solve. It was a day full of confusion.
Edward phoned me when he was leaving the house, and it excited me that I was going to see him again, but then he said to come outside when he arrives. He never told me to come outside unless he wanted to show me something, which made me think that maybe the thing he was bringing was too big to fit into the house? Or, I would have found out before he brought it into the house.
Charlie stood with me at the door, and Luna lounged on the grass. Edward hadn't arrived yet, but I could hear a car arriving from down the road. The engine wasn't as smooth as the Volvo, it sounded much harsher, but I recognized the sound…
Tears glazed over my eyes as the car was seen in the distance. My breath deepened slightly, but not enough to cause me any issues.
The saw the red paintwork first, followed by the rusted edges.
My truck.
I had my truck back.
"Are you okay?" Charlie asked with his arm around my shoulder.
"I'm… so happy," I replied quietly.
Edward pulled the truck up beside Charlie's cruiser, and then he stepped down from the cab with a gift bag in his hands. I wanted to roll my eyes at the gifts, but I was too happy to finally have my truck back in my possession again.
I found myself walking toward him without thinking about it. Edward wrapped his arms around me in a gentle hug.
"Happy birthday, love," he said. "Do you like your surprise?"
I stepped back and stared at my car in bewilderment. It had been so long, but it felt like my car sat in the drive every day beside Charlie's. I opened the driver side door and I was instantly hit with the same musty smell that it always held.
"Here, let me help you," Edward said as he put the bag down onto the ground.
He held onto my elbow as I put one foot up onto the cab. I gripped onto the handles and then heaved myself into the truck with Edward's support. I had forgotten the feeling of the ancient seats, and how big the steering wheel was. I knew that the truck had been sent away to get tested for fingerprints, and any other clues, but I was pleased to see that they had kept everything inside there. I still had a small pot of change, the air freshener hung from the rear-view mirror, and I had even left a spare scarf and gloves on the passenger seat. I forgot that I'd always kept a spare pair in my car.
"What do you think?" Edward asked with a beaming smile on his face. He looked so happy for me, and I felt the same way.
"Amazing," I whispered.
Charlie joined us at the truck and gave Edward a proud pat on the shoulder. I don't know how long they had planned this for, but he was clearly pleased that they had managed to pull it off, and that I was so happy with their surprise.
"Can I… drive it?" I asked with my hands still wrapped around the steering wheel.
"Maybe not now, but we'll take it for a spin soon," Charlie replied.
I was okay with that. I knew that I needed to have the right strength in order to control the car, and just having it outside my window was enough for me. I had it back now, and that's all that mattered.
We all went inside then, and I took my favorite spot on the couch. Edward sat beside me and Luna had her muzzle rested on his lap. I loved how much they loved my dog. I knew that it wouldn't work if they weren't a fan of dogs, but it warmed my heart whenever they gave her the same attention as I did, and didn't ignore her when she wanted some love from them.
"How was… work?" I asked.
Edward rested back into the couch and ran one hand through his hair. I loved it when he did that.
"It was a long day, but I'm glad it's over now," he laughed lightly. "Did you have a nice day after I spoke to you?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "I… watched a movie and… spoke to your… sisters."
"I think you speak to them more than I do," he winked.
"I like your… family," I blushed. I couldn't help it. My cheeks flame up without warning.
"They're very fond of you too, love. Everyone is."
I liked that. Even though we don't see them often, Edward was very special, and so it meant a lot that his family liked me. They had been so supportive, especially recently with the sign language. That had blown me away when I heard it.
Charlie then came through with the remaining presents and set them out on the coffee table alongside Edward's bag of gifts. I opened the ones from Edward's family first.
Esme and Carlisle gave me a gray weighted blanket that felt as soft as velvet. I could already tell that it was going to feel amazing when I took a nap. They had also included a card from them both which said that they hoped they would see me again soon. Nora had even 'signed' the card too, which really made me smile. I missed that dog.
Next was from Alice and Jasper. They gave me a personalized harness with 'Luna' stitched on both sides, and a mindfulness coloring book, equipped with a set of very expensive pens. I had heard that coloring was a great way to focus your mind on something else, and so I couldn't wait to make the book look incredible.
The last was from Rose, Emmett, and Daisy. I was confused with this gift, because she said I had to get back in contact with her when I had opened it. It was paper thin, and so at first I thought it was a card, but then I pulled out the paper. The first thing I saw were three pictures of different whales printed on the top, and then Rose had written a note underneath them.
It said:
Our sweet Bella,
As soon as you feel ready, you and I are going to go whale watching on the Puget Sound, and then we'll end the day at my zoo playing with all the sweet, sweet, rabbits.
We hope you have the best birthday, and we cannot wait to see you again soon.
With all our love,
Emmett, Rosalie, and Daisy.
I looked over at Edward and Charlie in turn, silently asking if they knew anything about this. Apparently they didn't.
"I'm going to see… whales," I whispered happily. "And spend… the day with… rabbits."
I had told Rose when we first met that rabbits were my favorite animal, and Free Willy was one of my favorite movies. I remember she said that we could go whale watching, but I never thought it would have been possible. The fact that she was going to pay for me to do it, and that she'd allow me to go into the rabbit habitat, had really touched my heart. That must have been why she wanted me to get back in contact with her, to plan a possible day for when we could do it.
"You've got some great friends there, Bells," Charlie replied.
"I told you they were fond of you," Edward added.
Next up were Edward's gifts, and the bag they sat in was heavy. Very heavy.
I frowned at the weight, and I couldn't think of anything that could weigh that much.
The first present was small and square. It was a Swarovski jewellery box, and I instantly panicked about what could be inside. Jewellery was far too expensive, and I still had at least four other presents to open.
Like with the surprise with my truck, my eyes began to glaze over with tears when I saw the necklace that had been nestled neatly inside. It was a crescent moon covered in crystals, and sitting on the edge of the moon was a little silver dog. It was beautiful, and I knew that I'd wear it forever.
"Thank you," I said through my tears. "It's… too much."
"You deserve so much more than that, love," he said with a kiss on my cheek.
Edward had also gotten me two new books, a movie, and a large pack of grapefruit La Croix. The drinks really made me laugh, but I was secretly pleased that I could enjoy them again. Charlie still preferred for me to drink mainly water or hot tea.
The rest of the evening was peaceful and quiet. Edward stayed to have dinner with us, and then we all nestled down to watch a movie as we devoured the cake that had my name iced in the center.
I had had a wonderful day with the people that meant the most to me. I didn't need presents and food to make me smile, I just needed my family. That is what mattered the most.
0-0
September 15th, 2019
Today was the day that I was going to finally break out of my comfort zone.
Apart from the occasional trip to the local grocery store with either Charlie or Edward, and the entire ordeal with the courts, it had been almost a year and a half since I last went into a public place. I wasn't sure how to feel about the plans for the day, but it was something that Angela had been recommended and she'd passed the idea over to us. My weight had improved due to the diet I had been set, however, I needed to make sure that I took part in regular exercise to help my muscles and my strength. I had daily stretches, but I needed to push myself a little bit more. Running wasn't an option for me right now, and I go for daily walks with Luna, but the one thing that Angela had advised was swimming. I used to love swimming as a kid, and I knew the incredible benefits that you can get from it, but I would have been lying if I said that I was excited to jump into the pool.
The nearest swimming pool was in Port Angeles, and so Charlie had phoned to see whether it was possible for us to book out the entire pool so that I didn't have to go there with strangers swimming around beside me. Unfortunately, that wasn't something that they could offer, but they did say that there was a quiet moment on Thursday afternoons, and that they could block off half of the pool for us. He also mentioned that I had a service dog, and according to the American Disability Act, they must allow service dogs to sit on the pool side and in other areas where the public is allowed to go. As long as Luna didn't get into the water, she was allowed to sit and watch me.
The only slight issue came with the time and day that it had been booked for. Charlie had to work on Thursday afternoon, and so did Edward. I told them that it was okay, and we can do it another time, but the two of them were adamant that I was going to do it. Charlie tried to swap some times around with other people he worked with, and Edward also offered to work on Saturday instead of the Thursday. It made me feel awful that they had to do so much for me. Before all of this had happened, before James had taken me from my blissful life, I didn't have to rely on anyone being free. But that isn't how things work these days.
Edward's boss was fine with him working on Saturday instead, and so he happily raised his hand and said that he'd accompany me. I ordered myself a one piece swimsuit, because my old ones were too big, and we had packed a bag with a towel and some snacks in case I needed them. We also bought Luna some shoes so that her bare paws didn't have to touch the poolside.
Edward met me at the house, and he took the bag from me as Luna walked me toward the car.
"How are you feeling about this?" He asked once we were both strapped in.
"Scared," I answered honestly. "But I'm okay."
"Good," he sent me a smile before he focused on the road again. "You'll be absolutely fine, sweetheart. I won't let anything bad happen to you."
I believed him. Edward always kept his promises when it came to my safety, and I knew that he'd do whatever he could to make me feel comfortable.
It seemed to take no time at all to arrive in Port Angeles. My voice cut off as soon as we had parked up, and Edward guessed that when he asked if I was okay and all I could do was nod. I tried to make myself a promise that I would talk to Edward when we were in the pool, but that wasn't a promise that I could keep. I'd judge the situation before I had to put my mind through that torment.
Luna followed on behind Edward, and I stood a step behind her. He kept the door open for me as we entered the reception, and the strong smell of chlorine smacked me square in the face. As overpowering as the smell was, there was something comforting about it. It reminded me of my childhood, and the swimming lessons that Renee drove me to every Saturday.
I kept my head down low and stared at my sneakers as Edward signed us in and spoke to the receptionists. They said that we had half of the pool for an hour, but I couldn't imagine us being in there for that long.
"You ready to go?" Edward asked me suddenly. I hadn't even noticed that he had stopped talking to the staff. "They said that there are currently four people in the pool, and that might increase, but we can leave if it gets too much for you."
I nodded my head once again to tell him that I took in the information.
I can do this. I know that I can do this.
There was a small walkway that led to the changing rooms, but Edward made us stop before we went down there. He brushed my arm sweetly with his hand.
"I'm obviously not allowed in there, but I'll meet you on the other side, okay?"
"Yes." I signed.
"I won't go anywhere until you come out and meet me, but if it's too much then you can call me and I'll do what I can to help you."
"Okay. Thank you."
"You never need to thank me," he smiled. "You just need to change out of your clothes, and you already have your swimsuit on underneath."
"Okay."
"You've got this," Edward winked and gave me a quick hug.
He crouched down and slipped the shoes onto Luna's paws, and then he held the door open for the female changing rooms. Luna walked in first, and Edward promised me again that he would meet me on the other side. The rooms were small, and I noticed that it had two stalls but one was already in use. The rest of the room was open for everyone to get changed in front of complete strangers. I automatically stopped walking as I noticed that the older ladies who were in there had all turned their heads to look at me.
I bet they're wondering why I have a dog with me.
Please, please don't ask me why Luna is in here.
I may not look 'disabled' but that doesn't mean that I don't have anything wrong with me.
Just don't talk to me at all, please.
Another lady then came from the showers. She had her towel wrapped tight around her and it looked like she was going to head for the only remaining stall. I felt my entire body tense up. I couldn't get Edward's attention, and I couldn't even move to get my phone from my pocket. What was I going to do?
I can't get changed in front of these women. I need something to separate us.
I thought I could do this, but I can't.
Oh, my God. What have I done?
Luna tugged on her leash as a way of telling me that I needed to sit down. I scuffed my feet forward, but I really didn't want to sit next to all of those women.
"Sweetheart, would you like to use the stall?"
I looked up from the floor and noticed that that voice had come from the women in the towel. She had a gentle smile on her face. She must have noticed Luna's harness, and the fact that I wasn't moving from my spot.
"Are you okay?" she asked again.
I gave her a subtle nod, but I wasn't sure if she could tell what it was.
"Here, I'll get the door," the lady said as I gingerly entered the stall. "Can I get anyone for you?"
I signed the word for 'friend' which was my code for Edward, but again, I knew that she probably didn't understand what I was doing.
"You're friend?"
This lady can sign?!
My eyes widened as she translated my word so easily.
"I grew up hard of hearing," she explained with a smile. "Now, where is your friend? Are they in the building?"
I nodded in response. I wasn't sure why I was able to talk to this lady so easily, but it was like my head was telling me it was okay. I needed help, and she was the only one who could decode my hand signals. I know that Angela didn't want me to rely solely on ASL, but it was an emergency, and so I didn't think that she'd mind.
I then used my hands and signed out each individual letter. "E.D.W.A.R.D"
"Is Edward in the next room?" the lady asked to which I nodded. "Okay, my sweetheart, I'll go and get him for you. You just sit here, okay?"
I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until I sat down on the seat and the women closed the door behind her. It came out in deep pants, and I was petrified that I was going to have an episode right there in the confined space.
I could hear the lady talking to the other women on the other side of the door. She spoke in a whisper, but it was still loud enough for me to hear.
"That young girl is having an incredibly hard time. She's asked me to get her friend for her, but her friend is male. Are you okay with him coming in here?"
I thought it was really nice that she asked for their permission, but I didn't like that she thought I was a young girl. I knew that I was younger than her, but I wasn't a child. I guess I probably looked like a child with my lack of boobs, hips, and nearly everything else.
"She's right in there," the lady's voice was heard again.
"Thank you so much," Edward replied.
I felt my body slump against the wall when he popped his head around the door. "Oh, love, what happened?"
"I broke. I panicked." Tears began to form as I admitted my weakness to him.
Edward crouched down in front of me with his hand covering my knee. I noticed that he was all ready to get into the pool, so I imagined that the lady had found him standing where he had promised to meet me.
"You didn't break," he replied to my signs. "You managed to tell that lady that you needed help, and even told her my name. Can't you see how incredible that is, Bella? When was the last time that you ever spoke to a stranger?"
His question made sense, and part of me was proud of myself for doing that, but it still annoyed me that I couldn't do it all without his help.
"Medication. Panic attack."
"Is that what you need, or have you already taken it?" he asked.
"Need."
Edward opened up one of the side pockets on Luna's harness and brought out the medication that we always kept in there. He popped one pill from the packet, dropped it into my hand, and then unscrewed the cap from my bottle of water.
We took a few minutes to let the pill settle, and then I took some deep breaths to control the thickness that had formed in my chest. Luna looked up at me with scared eyes, but I scratched her ears to tell her that I was okay.
I then stood from the seat and began to pull my arms out from under my sweater. Edward opened out my bag and brought out the towel, and then took over holding onto Luna's harness as I completed changing out of my clothes. I tried not to notice how baggy the swimsuit was on me, even though it was the smallest size the store offered. The chest sagged, from my lack of boobs, and there was a small pouch where my stomach was supposed to be.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked.
"Too big. I'm too skinny."
"You look perfect," he replied. "And you know you're gaining weight again."
"Okay."
It was almost comical that Edward thought I looked perfect in this horrific outfit, especially when he stood looking like that. He was only dressed in a pair of maroon shorts, and if I didn't have my eyes focused on the tiled flooring, I certainly would have been staring at his chest. He had a small amount of chest hair that ran in a line down his stomach, and some more on his chest, but that was it. It was perfect for me. I had to hide the blush that formed over my cheeks. That would have been hard to explain.
Edward repacked my bag with my clothes, and he had my towel hung over his arm. Luna led me out of the stall, and the lady who had helped me was standing in front of one of the mirrors. She had gotten changed into her clothes, and she was brushing out her long, brown hair.
The lady turned to me when she noticed that we were behind her.
"Thank you." I signed without thinking.
She gave me a large smile, and then signed in response. "Are you okay?"
"I have anxiety and P.T.S.D. I can't talk," I replied as confidently as possible. "This is new. I haven't spoken to a stranger before."
"Thank you for speaking to me."
The lady looked emotional. She must have known that I was new to the language because her answers were easy for me to understand, which I liked. She thanked me again, and gave the same sign to Edward and even Luna.
We left the room, and was instantly met with the pool. I could see where the water was separated, and the other swimmers had the deep end, which I appreciated. I wanted my feet to be able to touch the bottom, and I knew that that wouldn't have happened in the deep end.
"Luna, sit," Edward commanded softly.
Luna lay down on the side, but she kept her eyes on me as I held onto the steps for balance. Edward dropped into the water first, and then he held out his hands to aid me in. The water was cold, and it shocked my body slightly, but I hoped that I'd warm up soon.
"Maybe, after this, we could go and get some food, yeah?" Edward asked once I was safely in the water.
"A date?" I even winked, to show that I was joking. But secretly I hoped that he could see it as a date.
Edward laughed. I liked it when I could make him laugh.
"If it's a date you want, then it's a date you'll get."
0-0
Yay, Bella spoke to a stranger! I so hope you can see the progress as much as I can, because Bella has done so well in this chapter, and I couldn't be more proud of a fictional character.
The last chapter has been written, and all though I can't say how many chapters there is going to be between now and then, I'd say about 5/6.
Please let me know what you thought, your kind words really fuel me on to write more.
