Author's Note: The second installment of my batch updates. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Yeah you're tired of reading it but here it is anyway. Don't own Star Wars. Just playing.
Reviews: Again you know the deal. Leave a comment if it tickles your fancy. :D
"Silence is worse;
All truths that
are kept silent
become poisonous."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Kylo Ren
I'm trying to pry the dagger from her grip but I cannot get it free. I'm faced with the reality that I'm going to have to break her fingers in order to release her hold on it.
I won't do that and with a snarl of frustration I stop trying.
I have no choice but to wait for her to wake up.
If she wakes up.
"Damn it! Why didn't you listen to me? Are the answers you want so badly worth your life?"
She doesn't respond and I didn't expect her to but I am frustrated at her reckless behavior.
It's as if she places no value on herself at all.
"Stupid, stubborn woman..."
Gently I put her down.
She's on her back and I close her eyelids. Now her eyes won't dry out and I don't have to keep looking into her sightless gaze.
I could try using the Force-lightning to shock her awake again but I remember her golden eyes veiled in shadows and somehow I have a feeling that my second attempt would be met with opposition.
Better to wait and bide my time and get that blade as far away from her as possible when the opportunity presents itself.
There was something about it that seemed to draw out the dark side of the Force within her.
I fought my slide into darkness for years before finally being pushed to my limits. But Rey...she moves between the darkness and light with a fluidity that I've never seen before.
This is getting me nowhere and I get to my feet, glancing back at Rey every few seconds.
Her chest is moving up and down but I take little comfort from the sight.
I move far enough away that my back is to her and I watch the stars as we glide through space. A few more hours and we'll be at the edge of the Outer Rim and able to make the jump into lightspeed.
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. I have a headache building and ignore the throb of pain.
So much obsession about her past. She will find only death in her search for answers.
If I had told her the whole truth and not bits and pieces...
Second guessing myself now isn't going to solve anything.
I glance back over at Rey but she's the same.
I turn my attention to the stars yet I do not see them.
Memories of my own past surface and I drown beneath the pressure as they drag me under...
"...your Uncle Luke. Come closer Ben, he's not going to hurt you."
I look up at this tall man as I clutch my mother's hand who reassures me. He has her eyes and they smile down at me.
"Hey kid. You've grown since the last time I was here."
He gets down on his knees in front of me and he doesn't seem so tall now.
He reaches out and ruffles my hair and his touch is warm.
"Ben," I look up at my mother and she looks down at me with love, "say hello to your uncle. Don't be rude."
"He's a Solo," my uncle replies cheerfully, "should I expect anything less?"
"Hey, I heard that remark."
My father comes in and my uncle gets to his feet, both men embracing, laughing and joking.
My mother lets go of my hand to join them and my father wraps an arm around her waist, she leans into him.
My mother and my father. My uncle Luke.
They are all together and I stand here, forgotten again...
I shake the memory away. Nothing more than childish pain over something that happened long ago.
I glance back at Rey and seeing her lying there alone grips my heart and I go back to settle next to her.
I pick up her hand, clammy and freezing and warm it with my body heat.
"I had parents and there were few times when I was happy with them. Being the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa Solo wasn't easy. I always felt I stood in the shadow of their greatness."
I don't know where this is coming from but now that I've started I can't stop and maybe there is a part of me that hopes my voice will reach her wherever she has gone.
"I hated my name after I found out that it belonged to Obi-wan Kenobi. The great Jedi general. Not only did I have to live up to my parents names but now I had his legacy as well. The man who brought 'hope' to my mother. The hero of the Clone Wars. Luke Skywalker's beloved mentor who sacrificed himself so that the Rebels could win the war."
A short pained laugh and I press her cold fingers to my forehead.
"I never wanted any of that. I never...wanted to be a Jedi."
This is the secret I've kept buried my entire life. I couldn't tell anyone and yet here I am, telling Rey.
"I just wanted to be a normal child with a normal life. I wanted parents who were around. Who weren't always rushing off to solve another crisis on some distant planet. I grew up with droids for teachers, doctors and anything else that required care. I learned to take care of myself early on, to not burden my parents with my childish troubles. Maz was one of the few individuals who saw me, not as an extension of my parents, but as myself."
I press a kiss her fingers. "She's an odd one Maz but I'm sure you've realized that by now."
Her breathing hasn't changed and she still appears as if asleep. I'm reminded of an ancient story from one of Outer Rim planets but I can't remember which one. Perhaps Lah'mu or Cantonica.
The story about a woman who slept for a hundred years only to be awoken by a kiss from the man who loved her enough to face death to be by her side.
But this is no holo-story, not some make-believe fantasy.
"I could feel the darkness creeping into my life ever since I was a small boy. I would wake screaming from nightmares. Shadows reaching trying to smother me. A voice that plagued my dreams, telling me that I didn't belong. That I was a...monster."
I let go of her hand, it's warmer now. Gently I smooth a tendril of hair from her face.
"I think my mother might have realized earlier what was happening to me if only I had told her. But I was used to being ignored by the time I turned ten. To keeping quiet when my parents were around because they were always busy being leaders. Maybe that's why I struggle with you."
"Rey," I stroke a finger down her cheek, "you are the one person I never wanted to hurt...and yet that's all I seem to be capable of now. If I could go back, do it over again...would we be like this?"
Lord Ren attend me!
I jerk my hand away from Rey as Palpatine's rancid presence fills my head.
Not now!
I stagger to my feet and leave the meditation hall. I don't want him to see Rey in her vulnerable state. There is no telling what he might do to her.
The hall is clear and the pressure squeezing my mind intensifies until I'm forced to drop to one knee.
I've left myself exposed in trying to coax Rey back to consciousness.
Lord Ren you have not reported your progress. Explain yourself now.
His power, malicious and seeking, probing for a weakness to exploit me.
I trap his power even as I calm my rage at his intrusion.
"The scavenger is in my custody. In two hours we will make the jump to Exegol."
What of the Resistance? You have not destroyed them.
I grit my teeth as he increases the pressure, trying to break my hold.
"I chose to take priority acquiring the girl. That was the condition you set for me was it not?"
Rey in exchange for the Sith Fleet and control of the galaxy.
He still believes I intend to live up to that bargain but I will never hand her over to him.
The pain inside my head lifts as does the pressure exerting over me and I am back on my feet.
Good...you have your priority well in order. However I sense a disturbance in the Force. Be wary Lord Ren or you will fail in your task.
"I won't fail. You can be certain of that."
See that you don't. I await your arrival on Exegol. The Final Order will soon begin.
I wait, tension making my muscles burn as I probe my surrounding to see if Palpatine is actually gone or just hiding his presence.
I sense nothing in the Force. No putrid scent of decay, no touch of corruption.
He has retreated and I let out a wary breath. I let my guard down when speaking with Rey and he must have sensed my weakness.
I let myself get distracted by the past. Of reliving events that can never be altered.
I go back into the room and immediately glance at Rey.
Her eyes are flickering and adrenaline spikes through my blood and I am at her side, cradling in her my arms.
"Rey!"
Haunting amber looking up at me. Not gold or veiled shadows. Amber.
My Rey has come back to me.
"I know the truth." Her voice is ragged, as if she had been screaming for hours, "About my parents."
I see the terrible sorrow in her eyes, feel her trembling from what she just endured. Guilt is a heavy weight in my soul.
"We can talk about that later." She doesn't need to relive her parents deaths all over again for my benefit, "You need rest now Rey. You've pushed yourself far enough."
She is far too pale, her skin clammy and her eyes fever bright.
"No!" Her empty hand grips my arm with surprising strength and she is using me as leverage to get back on her feet, "I don't need rest."
She's looking at me as if she doesn't know me and I don't understand why she is acting like this.
I'm on my feet and she is swaying in my arms. This is ridiculous, she is about to collapse from exhaustion and I need to get back to my quarters where she can rest and regain her strength.
There is still a battle ahead of us and I need her by my side.
I can't do this without her.
"Rey..."
"No!" She shoves me away, staggering but somehow still on her feet, "stop tell me what to do."
I suck in a sharp breath. She's still angry and hostile towards me but I thought that was because of the dark side trying to take control.
But this my Rey.
"What is wrong?" I take a step towards her and I see the panic in her eyes, "Why are you acting like this?"
She is acting like...
I am her enemy. A man to be feared. To be hated.
She doesn't respond but grips her head as if in terrible pain. The dagger is still in her hand, pressed against her temple.
She wasn't like this until she found that relic.
I want that thing away from her now.
She looks up at me and I wonder if she can sense my intentions to destroy it.
"Give that to me," I'm not giving her a choice in the matter, "you're not acting right."
That dagger is toxic to her.
She grips it tight to her chest and I already know she's going to refuses me. I can see the fight building in her eyes.
"No. It's mine. I found it."
She sounds like a petulant child whose toy is about to be taken away.
That is not Rey. Just what had those memories done to her?
"Rey are you listening to yourself?" She stands there, glaring at me with such open hostility that I dare not take another step, "This isn't you. Please, let me help you."
I reach out my hand to her. I don't want to see the woman I love being destroyed like this.
"Give me the dagger."
Once it's gone and away from her she'll come back to her senses.
I know she will.
"Why so you can hide the truth from me?"
Venomous words flung in my direction and I jerk back my hand. She couldn't shock me more if she walked up and slapped me.
"What?"
She holds the dagger between us as if drawing a line in the sand.
Furious sorrow in her gaze and I wonder if she even remembers that she loves me.
Because I see nothing of the woman who let me kiss her hand, who looked at me with such tenderness only an hour ago.
She has the eyes of an enemy once more.
