We're fast approaching the end! There's maybe one more chapter before Sozin's Comet. Or possibly it will be the next chapter, I haven't quite decided yet how much buildup it will require. Think of this chapter as the last moments of calm before the storm. Please be patient with me with the last handful of chapters. Despite all the action scenes I've written so far in this story, they still take at least twice as long for me to write. _


Chapter 38 - Interlude


The next morning Zuko climbed onto Appa along with Lee, Toph, Aang, Katara, and Sokka. Julong, Ryu, and Ha Joon stood on the ground watching them. He had given them orders to stay behind with Piandao to act as administrators while he was gone.

"Lightning speed, my lord," Julong said, bowing.

"Mung will honor the terms of the Agni Kai, so you shouldn't have much trouble."

"But if we do," Ha Joon said cheerfully, "we'll be ready for it."

With a final nod and a wave, Appa lifted off. Zuko felt a queasiness in his stomach, unable to shake the feeling that he was making the wrong choice. What if his father hadn't left the Fire Nation? What if he had changed his plans for the day of the Comet?

He could have sent Aang to the North Pole on his own and himself stayed at the palace to guarantee that he - or Uncle - would still be Fire Lord after the Comet had passed.

But he knew his father, and he wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to conquer the Water Tribe when they were essentially helpless: between the extra hours of daylight, a new moon, and the power of Sozin's comet, there was no contest. His father wouldn't live to see another day like that, and he wouldn't focus on a fraught battle for the Fire Nation when he could win an overwhelming victory somewhere else.

That meant thousands of Water Tribe citizens - not to mention his own troops stationed at the North Pole - could be killed. If he could help, he had to.

And Mai. Zuko couldn't get the image of Mai out of his mind. If Saito and the Kyoshi Warriors were headed to the North Pole, she would be there. And she, too, would be helpless against the power of the Comet. Not that he was prioritizing her safety over that of thousands of other innocents, but it was certainly a consideration. He wanted to fix things between them, and that would be kind of hard to do if she were a prisoner - or worse, dead.

"Are you ready, Zuko?" Aang stood before him, obviously nervous despite his grin.

Right. He had promised to start firebending training as soon as possible. Aang would need every last minute of practice before the comet came.

"You can produce a flame on your own, right? Or do we need to start there?"

"No, I can do that." Aang held out his hand, and though it took a moment of concentration, a small flame burst to life in his palm."

At least they wouldn't be starting from scratch. With a nod, he rummaged in his pack to find a candle he had packed for this very purpose. He set it on the saddle.

"Good. If you've mastered that, the next step is to produce flame away from your body. Can you light the candle?"

"Yes, I practiced that as well." He pointed his hand at the candle, and the flame shot from his hand to the general vicinity of the candle. Wax dripped down the sides, pooling on the saddle, where there was a scorch mark where Aang had missed the candle entirely, but the wick was burning brightly.

"Not the most perfect technique," Zuko mused, "but we can work on that later." When we're not in a confined area with four other people, he thought to himself. "For now, I want you to meditate on this candle. It is windy up here, so it's going to want to blow out, but if you focus on your breathing and on the flame, you can keep it burning. Are you ready?"

He nodded.

"Then I will let go of the fire and leave it under your control."

Aang folded his legs, and closed his eyes. The candle immediately sputtered and died.

"Again," Zuko said firmly, lighting the candle. "Pay attention to the thrum of the fire in your veins. Your will to keep the flame alive must be stronger than the wind's will to snuff it out."

The candle died.

"Again."

Aang set his lips together, whether in frustration or determination it was difficult to tell. The candle flickered, and the rest of the group watched with bated breath for a few moments, but as the candle continued to burn, they slowly began to relax. Quiet conversations popped up around them, everyone trying their best not to disturb Aang's concentration.

Sokka leaned over to Zuko. "Do you think the Kyoshi Warriors would have gone to the North Pole?" he asked, chewing his lower lip anxiously.

He had wondered the same thing many times since he had received the letter. Because Mai was traveling with them, and so there was a horrible, wonderful chance that she would be there when they arrived.

But the truth was that he didn't know.

"The letter didn't say."

"Yes, but did you get the impression they were headed there?"

Just outside his peripheral vision, he saw the candle sputter out. Zuko lit the candle again, then shrugged in answer to Sokka's question. "It's hard to say. Why do you ask?"

Sokka's cheeks colored, and he averted his gaze to the horizon. "Oh, nothing, really. It's just that I kind of know their leader, Suki."

There was something about Sokka's tone of voice that Zuko recognized. "Wait… were you two involved or something?"

Sokka's cheeks got even redder, and he sat back quickly. "Me and Suki? No!" He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "I mean, yes, she did kiss me that one time. But that probably didn't mean anything, right?"

Zuko blinked. "Sokka, you're practically engaged to Yue."

"Yeah." He sighed heavily, letting his head fall back. "I know."

He opened his mouth to say more, but shut it almost immediately. It wasn't his place to interfere with Sokka's love life.

Sokka was quiet for so long that Zuko thought the conversation must be over. But then he spoke, so hesitantly and quietly that it took him a moment to realize that Sokka was, in fact, asking him a question.

"What's it like being married?"

He gaped. "You want to ask me? Mai and I aren't exactly the picture of marital bliss."

Sokka shrugged, his confidence restored. "You're the only married friend I've got. I figure you can give me the worst case scenario."

"Worst case you end up hating each other," he said bitterly. But then, at Sokka's grimace, he backtracked. "Our situation was complicated by the fact that Mai lied to me about-" he hesitated here, not sure how much he wanted to tell "-something big, and when she let me know about it I was still reeling from Hinata's death. I… overreacted, I guess."

"You think?" Sokka grinned. "But what do you think it would have been like if that hadn't been the case. You were married so quickly, and you didn't know her that well, right? That's not a good start no matter what."

"It wasn't that bad of a start. We had been engaged for years, so we were mentally prepared for it, even if in the end it happened suddenly. If she hadn't been lying to me, and if Hinata hadn't died, it would have been… nice, I think. Really nice," he amended immediately, remembering the weeks after their first kiss. If things had continued like that…

Sokka made an exaggerated look of disgust. "You can stop right now with that goofy smile. I don't even want to know what prompted that."

"You asked," he grumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up. He hadn't realized he'd been smiling.

"I regret that decision."

"So, Zuko." Katara cleared her throat. "Do you really think it's over between the two of you?"

He looked around and saw every pair of eyes trained on him, except for Toph's. Even Aang was paying attention. The candle sat in front of him, smoldering slightly but not burning. Apparently they'd all been eavesdropping on his conversation.

"We can't get divorced, if that's what you're asking. That isn't done in my family."

"So you're going to try to work things out?" Katara brightened. "What are you going to say to her?"

"I don't know, I haven't really planned-"

"You gotta plan it out, buddy," Sokka said sagely, slapping his back. He seemed cheered at the thought of someone else's relationship problems.

Zuko was skeptical. "Wouldn't it be better if it didn't sound planned?"

"But what if you mess it up?" Aang waved his arms anxiously. "You could ruin things forever!"

"It doesn't hurt to be prepared," Lee agreed.

"All right, I'll think of something."

And that was, as far as he was concerned, the end of it. But the others watched him eagerly, as if expecting him to come up with something right on the spot. After an uncomfortable moment, he cleared his throat.

"Okay, how about this: Hello, Zuko here. But I guess you probably already know—"

"Ugh. Stop. Just stop," Toph spoke over the guffaws of the others. "I don't know a thing about relationships, and even I know that's not how you apologize to your wife."

Zuko scowled back. "As it happens, I don't know a thing about relationships, either. My parents hated each other, and all the other women in my family died before I was born. Who was I supposed to learn from?"

"You don't have to know a thing about relationships to know that's not how it's done."

His scowl deepened. "Then how would you do it?"

"Give her flowers," Aang said helpfully. "Women love flowers."

"And I'm going to find flowers where in the North Pole?" Besides which, he had a sneaking suspicion that Mai wouldn't find the gesture as romantic as other women. Though she did like roses…

"Read her some love poetry," Sokka added. "No apology to a romantic partner is complete without it."

He remembered their conversation months ago at the top of the watchtower on board the ship and the look of disgust on her face when he mentioned the Romance of the Three Seasons. He imagined the look on her face if he started spouting poetry at her and actually laughed.

"That might earn me a knife in the chest. Mai hates poetry. Look, I just have to come out and say it. There's no way around it."

"Okay," Sokka grinned, "But you absolutely cannot start out with 'Hello, Zuko here.'"

"Why not?" It seemed like a perfectly natural beginning to him.

Toph rolled her eyes. "Because she already knows who you are. You're trying to apologize, not introduce yourself."

He blew out a frustrated breath and sat down next to them. "I can't do this. The only kind of speaking I'm any good at is the formal political kind of speaking."

"Then use that," Lee said. "Pretend you're making a formal apology to a foreign leader instead of Mai."

Zuko nodded his head slowly. That was something he understood. And, who knew? It might actually work. He closed his eyes and tried to bring forth the state of mind he'd used when speaking with Chief Arnook, or when challenging General Mung, and apply it to Mai.

"How about this, then: Please accept my humble apology for the events that took place at our last meeting. I caused you pain, and for that I am sorry. In retrospect, I believe the situation resulted from the state of mind I was in due to the loss of Hinata, and is not a true reflection of my opinion of you before or since. In truth, my opinion has undergone so material a change since that time as to make the things I said wholly repugnant to me. While my state of mind at the time is by no means an excuse for my words and behavior, knowing the cause will help me guard against this happening in the future. Again, I deeply regret my actions and ask for your forgiveness. I look forward to putting this matter behind us."

"That was… better," Lee said hesitantly. "Certainly a good formal apology for a head of state."

Toph was less complimentary. "If you say that to Mai, she'll think you've gone crazy. And based on your first two attempts, she might be right."

Katara shot Toph a scathing look. "Give him a break. It's not easy to say you're sorry. That was a good start." Then, to Zuko, "Now take that and make it more personal."

"How?" He asked helplessly.

"For example, you said that your actions don't reflect your true opinion of her. How about you actually tell her what that opinion is."

"You mean he should tell her that he loves her."

Sokka's bluntness made him blush again. He'd only said that once to her, the night before their fight, and he had said it after making a complete fool of himself crying on her shoulder. Somehow he didn't think repeating the sentiment would help Mai's opinion of him.

"I don't know if I can do that," he admitted. "That's a big step away from a formal apology. It doesn't fit."

"Sometimes you just have to be brave and say it," Aang said, glanced briefly in Katara's direction. "You can't wait for the perfect time or the perfect words."

Aang was right, and he knew it, but somehow it rubbed him the wrong way.

"You're supposed to be meditating," he snapped.

Abashed, Aang lit the candle, closed his eyes, and began focusing again on the flame.

The group was silent for a while before Katara spoke up again. "Think about the time when you had the best, most honest talk with Mai. How did it go? Then try to imitate that."

"I guess it was the time we quoted proverbs to each other."

"Proverbs?" Toph snorted. "You two are weird."

The wind on his face as Appa flew above the clouds reminded him of the cold wind at the top of the ship's watchtower. He could almost pretend that the candle next to Aang was the fire he'd lit in the brazier. The memory of the first time they had truly understood each other washed over him.

"Pleasures are transient, but honor is immortal," he murmured. "Happiness is the flower of duty."

"Yes, my lord." Lee nodded excitedly. "That's exactly the right way to approach this. Find a proverb that expresses what you want to say and start with that."

"You're acting like you know enough proverbs to have one for every situation," Sokka laughed.

"You never met my uncle," he said wryly. "His natural language was proverbs. Give me a minute, and I'll think of one."

It was still painful to think of his uncle, with the competing feelings of pain from his perceived loss and the hurt from the knowledge that it had been a lie, but once he pushed past it, he felt a warmth and comfort from the memories.

"Sacrifice is the heart of repentance," he said at last. "That's the one."

"Perfect," Lee agreed.

Katara smiled encouragingly. "Good. Now try that speech again."

He took a deep breath and tried to pretend he was on the watchtower with Mai.

"I am so sorry I caused you pain. I was not myself after Hinata's death, and while that is no excuse for the things I said or the way I behaved, please know that outside of those specific conditions I would never treat you that way. Sacrifice is the heart of repentance. Please allow me to prove how sorry I am. Tell me what sacrifices I need to make, and I will make them. I want us to be what we were before."

There was complete silence for a moment, and he self-consciously cleared his throat. "Was that okay?"

"Yeah," Sokka said, for once serious. "That'll do."


AN: Zuko's second speech, the more formal one, is an amalgamation of various formal-sounding apologies I found, including a phrase lifted from Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. The proverb Zuko quotes is adapted from a quote from Bryan Davis: "Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless."