A Day in the Life (Parts I-IV), by Daneel Rush
Part I originally posted on June 25th, 2014
Part II originally posted on June 28th, 2014
Part III originally posted on July 2nd, 2014
Part IV originally posted on June 25th, 2015
Part I
That morning began like pretty much every morning. Emiya Shirou cooked breakfast. As it happened at least three days every week, he was cooking for three people. Vita of the Wolkenritter arrived especially early that morning. It was not a surprise visit; Shirou had agreed to teach her how to make pancakes. The man in his mid-twenties, bless his denseness, pointed out he doubted Vita needed a personal instructor to learn how to make pancakes of all things. Vita just punched him in the gut.
"So, I splooged the white, sticky liquid all over the pan," said the ambiguously aged—depending on how you looked at it, she was either seventeen, twenty-five or several centuries old—girl. Indeed, she stood in front of the stove, where the pancake-to-be already sizzled on a heated and oiled pan. "How do I know it's done?"
Not minding the grin aimed at him from Vita's way and refusing to respond to her dirty choice of words, Emiya Shirou continued his instruction.
"Well…" he said. "You'll see it'll be a bit stiff right after you flip it, but when it's done it becomes softer."
Vita's eyes gleamed as she looked from Shirou to the pan and back to Shirou.
"So, it's done when it goes flaccid. Just like you!" She commented with unreasonable glee.
"…"
Vita's smile was impossibly dazzling. It only made a greater job of annoying him.
"Alright, for starters, you don't even have a basis to make jabs at my…performance."
Vita's grin only got wider, as if making him say such words were already a victory for her.
"And second," Shirou then said, turning around to look at the teenage girl standing across the counter, her face the perfect picture of loveliness. "How long have you been standing there, Vivio?"
"Since 'splooged'," the adopted daughter admitted. "Don't worry, Papa; Mama will still love you lots, even if you're a premature ejaculator."
Shirou winced as if he had received a physical blow.
"Hey, speak for yourself, Vivio!" Vita then complained. "Like I need a man who can't keep me happy in the sack."
The only man in the house then turned to Vita, his facial muscles seemingly incapable of fixing themselves in shock, betrayal or sheer disgust.
"And of course I still love Papa the most," Vivio continued. "I mean, it's not like I need Papa's dick for anything."
Vita's lips were trembling with restrained laughter as she watched the pitiful look Shirou was now giving her.
"Now you're thinking 'what did I do to deserve this'."
"Stop reading my mind!"
Vivio was delighted, although a part of her wondered how their mornings would be if her Papa and her Mama actually stopped beating around the bush and tied the knot. Really, they were already married in all but name.
"So, the plan hasn't changed, right?" Vita inquired between mouthfuls of honeyed milk. At the small woman's insistence, they had gone for a Western-like, calorie-heavy breakfast that morning. Apparently both females would be in need of plenty of energy that day, for reasons Shirou did not even want to begin to fathom.
"Yup. We meeting at 1730 at the plaza," Vivio confirmed. It being the last day of classes at Vivio's school, they decided to celebrate the advent of summer break with an evening out for dinner and general merriment as a family (?).
"Hnn, I might…be a little late," Shirou admitted with a pained look. "If the briefing for tomorrow's job extends too long…it's quite a way to the Plaza."
"Eeeeeeh~!?" Vivio promptly whined. "But Papa~! We've been planning this for so long! We haven't been able to go out all four of us together in…how long, Mama?"
"Seven weeks."
"Seven weeks! That's, like, almost three months!"
Shirou and Vita stared at their little girl hoping against all hope that horrible miscalculation was a joke.
"Now, now," Vita took the duty to calm the girl down. "He said he 'might', but we both know he won't."
"I won't?"
"Of course you won't. That would make us very sad, and you don't want to make us sad. Just look at that face."
Vivio was showcasing her most adorable 'sad kitten' face. It was gut-wrenchingly lovely. A critical hit to Shirou's fatherly heart.
"You don't want her to make that face for real, do ya?"
"Ugh…"
Vivio made her eyelids flutter for good measure.
"I…I'll do my best."
"And we know you will…Shirou." A part of her had tried to call him 'bro', but the word just wouldn't come out anymore.
"Muuu…that's it, Papa; from now on, I'm screening your freelance jobs."
"Huh?" Both adults made similar sounds of confusion and doubt.
"Yup!" Vivio affirmed confidently. "I'm evaluating them by how much sex Mama would lose over each mission."
Shirou struggled not to face-palm. In the past year his adopted daughter had abandoned all pretense of subtlety in her efforts to get him and her Mama together.
"We-we don't even have se—"
"Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!" Vita interrupted him, going as far as to place a hand over his mouth. The teasing smirk on her face told Shirou she was just seeking to stretch her amusement; not that he needed facial cues to figure out that much. "The girl is on to something."
She got a flat stare from Shirou for that. Before she or Vivio could say something else, Shirou push Vita's arm away and presented his piece.
"Why don't you instead calculate how much extra food I will be able to afford from each job, and then compare it to how much…hypothetical sex you'd lose. Then you can decide if the extra food outweighs the sex."
A deep, powerful silence struck the dining table after that. Vita's hand, the same hand which earlier covered Shirou's mouth, tremulously reached for his forearm and then gently squeezed his biceps. Turning to Vivio, Vita then spoke with watery eyes.
"See, Vivio? This is why I stay by this person's side. He just gets me."
"I get that you're hopeless!" Father and daughter retorted together; a strange moment in which Shirou's and Vivio's thoughts for once aligned in the same direction.
Part II
The homeroom teacher was giving the last announcements before the bell rang for the last time, announcing the beginning of summer break. Excitement and impatience were palpable in the classroom.
"…and I am happy to announce that, although the class' average dropped from the last time, nobody in this class will have to take remedial classes this summer."
The class erupted in cheers, which only rose in an insane crescendo when the bell rang triumphant. The exuberance almost overwhelmed the small teacher in her late twenties. The bespectacled, well-shaped woman squeaked and jumped a step back while her students celebrated.
"I…I'm so happy to have been born in this world…!"
"Miracles…miracles really exist…!"
In a corner of the classroom, two girls hugged each other and cried with joy.
"Corona-chwaaaaaan~!"
"Eh, Vivio—bwuh!?"
The class exploded in cheers, cat calls and clapping when Vivio Emiya wrapped an arm around Corona Timil's slender waist and captured her in an intense kiss. The sounds and lights of flashing cameras quickly followed.
"Thank you for the meal!" Vivio said upon the letting go of the somewhat dazed Golem Meisterin.
"Eh…bwe…?"
"Gotta run now!" the reborn Sankt Kaiser declared, quickly collecting her things. "See you tomorrow, Rio, Corona!"
"Bye-bye~!"
"Bwuh-bee…"
"Try to lose your virginity this summer, sensei!" Vivio's departing words struck the sole adult like a sledgehammer. Rio and the others stayed long enough to watch the woman's haunted eyes as she slumped on her table.
"That's right…" she muttered hopelessly. "…sensei's a virgin…sensei's still pure…sensei's not sullied, not even by toys or eggplants…"
"We really didn't need to hear that!"
Already halfway down the hallway leading to the stairs, Vivio laughed at Rio's loud and cheerful retort. However, she had already put her classroom behind. Her thoughts were already full of nothing but that person…!
Reaching the third-years' classrooms in record time, Vivio quickly fixed up her hair and the wrinkles on her uniform before peeking into one of the rooms, quickly finding her target. Her breath was then caught by a mischievous spirit and hopelessly stolen.
From her spot by the back door, Vivio gazed at Einhard Stratos' profile. Her head rested on a single hand as she gazed out of the classroom window. Vivio admired Einhard's features in silence: her lustrous hair tied in lovely twintails; her large heterochromatic eyes; her full cheeks stubbornly holding to some baby fat; her full lips, so ripe and sensuous they made Vivio want to bite them…
To Vivio's eyes, the fifteen-years-old girl was a goddess that captured her heart and rendered it unable to beat. When Einhard sighed with deep wistfulness, Vivio sighed along in utmost longing, wishing she could sneak a peek into her beloved person's heart and see where (who?) her thoughts lingered on.
While Einhard's classmates walked past the (in)famous first year with an open preference for the same gender, the former Hegemon Ingvalt rose to her feet t leave the classroom as well. Vivio came to her senses and opened her mouth to call out to her, but she was interrupted by an alarmed cry from outside the school building.
"Watch out!"
This happened at about the same time a softball struck the left side of Einhard's head.
"Gebuh!"
Uwaaaaaaaaaah! Einhard-taaaaaaaaaaan!
Vivio watched with some anguish how the dazed teenager wobbled and stumbled around her desk…until she stepped on the very same ball and fell backwards like a very sad joke.
"Higyah!"
Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
However, Vivio was not particularly worried or in a hurry to assist her senior. Instead, she admired the sight of Einhard's exposed legs and underwear after her comedic fall. Unaware of the free show she was displaying for Vivio's enjoyment, Einhard wordlessly voiced her misfortune.
"Gyuuuu…"
"Hgh-Hnnnnnnnnnnnngggh!" Vivio grunted, clenching her left breast over her heart with a single hand.
Moé! That was absolutely moé, Einhard-tan!
It must be pointed out that Einhard smacked her later for not aiding her and instead watch the show like a creepy stalker.
Unlike Shirou and Vita, who would travel to the meeting point straight from their respective jobs, Vivio and Einhard could afford to make a stop at the Emiya residence. It was quite the detour, considering Shirou's house in Cranagan was a bit far from pretty much everything. Despite Vivio's insistence, Einhard chose not to change out of her uniform, leading to some teasing about her being a "goody-two-shoes" and a "teacher's pet", but all in good measure.
When Vivio returned from her bedroom, clad in t-shirt, miniskirt and leggings, she found the slightly unsettling scene of Einhard Stratos, seated a bit too straight on the couch, staring at a painfully familiar piece of paper while looking like she had just been proposed marriage to by the love of her life.
"Wha-wha, why are you staring at that thing like that? Gross."
Einhard returned her words with an open-mouthed stare that clearly said 'you are calling me gross!?'
"More importantly!" Vivio continued, dropping herself on the couch suspiciously and unnecessarily close to her best friend. "My parents not here."
The older teenager raised an eyebrow. The naughty smirk on Vivio's face made both her heart beat faster and her brain blare all sorts of alarms.
"…so?"
"We're all alone in the house," Vivio said, lowering the volume of her voice just the slightest bit.
"…oooh…" Einhard's realization made her lengthen the vowel rather eloquently. Vivio widened her saucy smirk now that the two were tuned to the same channel.
"So, we could make some sandwiches for the road…" An unnecessary pause for spicing up the proposition. "…or we could go upstairs." To her bedroom, she meant.
Einhard's pupils followed the tip of Vivio's tongue as it slid sensually along the length of her upper lip. The older, taller girl frowned a little.
"…so, which would you prefer?" Einhard asked in a surprisingly calm voice. Vivio leaned even closer. Einhard presented no resistance to the extreme invasion of her personal space.
"I don't mind…" Vivio lied out of her teeth. "Which would you prefer?"
Again, no resistance. When their lips met, Einhard's hand tenderly held Vivio's sides at the waist. Vivio did not know tenderness; she was a rampaging flame seeking to consume her partner. Almost violently passionate, to the point a battle was rendered impossible. If Vivio's kiss was a relentless blaze, then Einhard's was a cool stream high up the mountain. Vivio attacked, squeezing, rubbing and nibbling at her lover's lips before besieging Einhard's mouth with a shameless tongue. Einhard did not defend; she simply accepted everything, her mouth like crystalline water that could welcome and cool down the ravenous flame. Even outside the throes of passion, their relationship was a lot like that.
While Vivio held her tightly, almost painfully, wrinkling her uniform and messing her hair, Einhard was gentle, tender, almost motherly in the softness of her embrace. Vivio's moans spoke of hunger, of a desperate need for more of everything: more pleasure, more passion, more sound, more naughtiness, more saliva. Einhard made noise only sparingly; the occasional moan escaped her as she proved herself unable to contain her own pleasure. Vivio was still trapped in the realm of the physical, craving for sexuality and the blissful release. To the other girl, the physical aspect was almost irrelevant. She was bound by the joy of their mutual love every single time their eyes met.
They kissed at length; one more passionately, one more sedately, both equally affectionate. When Einhard pulled back, Vivio did not question her; she, too, needed to catch a breath. The blonde simply watched her older girlfriend with the hungry gaze of a tiger, her face flushed and her chest heaving, her arms trembling and her body shuddering in expectation and poorly restrained desire. Einhard knew her fair skin was flushed—it was awfully easily for that to happen, even without passionate kissing involved—, but her lovely face showed almost saintly calm. Vivio said nothing; her eyes spoke with eloquence no choice of words could possibly match. What she wanted was obvious. Einhard however, stood off the sofa and walked towards the kitchen.
"Actually, I am rather hungry, so sandwiches it is."
The house shook from the impact of Vivio's face-faulting.
"Einhard-taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannn~!" Never had a little lesbian girl whined so loudly in recorded history. Paying no attention to her pouting girlfriend and carefully concealing the little satisfied smirk on her own face, Einhard Stratos opened one of the cupboards for some of the ingredients she needed. Just like Vita, Vivio's best friend had already a pretty good idea where Shirou put everything in that house.
"Wait," Vivio then said, staring at Einhard's back with head and hands on the back of the sofa. "I was just pussy-blocked by Einhard-tan," she said with a voice full of surprise. After looking around as if seeking the opinion of a third party, Vivio looked down at herself and clenched the center of her developing chest with both hands.
"That…that's…kind of a turn-on—gebogh!"
A bag full of sliced bread bounced off Vivio's forehead.
"Cool down and come help me, pervert."
"A-A-A—Einhard-tan!" Vivio quickly recovered, now with dazzling stars in her eyes. "Is this possibly the dream-like situation all newlyweds aspire to: kitchen sex—gubah!?"
A cucumber.
"A cucumber!? Einhard-tan, you're aiming for such high-level play—geh! Bugh! Ubooogh!"
A cool package of frozen ham, a wheel of cheese and a few other things Einhard did not really need to make sandwiches.
"Uuuuuh…Einhard-taaaaannn…" Vivio groaned, although Einhard could no longer see her after the younger girl fell sprawled on the sofa. "At least…naked…apron…"
"…Asteion."
"Eh? No, no, Einhard-tan, there's a right time and place for Barrier Jacket sex—uwaaaaaagh!"
It was really a great thing that the closest neighbors were over three hundred meters away.
Part III
Shirou could not remove the guilt off his face upon arriving at 1752. Any attempt at greeting the three ladies with an apology was interrupted by Vita's impossible, beast-like leap, covering the space between them until she held Shirou's head between her hands while still airborne.
"YOU'RE LATE!" She said before pushing Shirou's head downwards, in the path of her knee.
"Muai Thai—gebugh!?"
They made quite the sight: a shapely redhead in her late teens—Vita's Adult Form—knocking down a grown-up man with a single knee kick of ridiculous power. This was followed by a few minutes of Shirou apologizing to the same woman, who held her arms crossed beneath a lovely pair of breasts.
"I am so sorry!" Shirou repeated for the umpteenth time. Accepting that the guy had groveled enough, Vita's raised eyebrow was slowly dropped back to its normal place.
"…you are forgiven!" She announced like she was truly a paragon of mercy by ending the man's groveling. Then, she grinned cheekily. "But I still reserve the right to bring it up occasionally and guilt-trip you into making more food for me."
"God damn it, woman!"
After that Shirou was allowed to greet his daughter.
"Papa!" Being a very physical person, Vivio had no shame in hugging her father in a public spot at the age of thirteen. She was a daddy's girl who loved being pampered, really. "You're late! How do you plan to make up for it?"
"Ahaha…" Shirou laughed lamely, somewhat expecting such a selfish demand. "We'll see."
His eyes met with Einhard's, and the two exchanged pleasant nods in greeting. The gladness in Einhard's smile could not be concealed.
"So, done with classes for a while?" Shirou said, returning his daughter's dazzling smile with the mild, sedate gesture he called his own.
"Um!" Vivio had enough enthusiasm for the two of them. "Summer break! It's gonna be awesome!" She then looked to the side. "So many games in the backlog…"
"I'm not letting you waste your entire holidays playing videogames, Vivio."
"Oh, Papa, you know me better than that!" Vivio quickly dismissed her father's warning. It had to be admitted: her love of videogames aside, Vivio was quite the active girl. "Einhard-tan handles my schedule."
"When did I become your secretary!?"
"Um, I'll be counting on you, Einhard," Shirou replied, coolly smiling at the twin-tailed beauty.
"Ah, uh, um, y-yes! I'll do my best!"
"Wha-wha—why do you go along with it when Papa asks you, Einhard-taaaaaaaan!?"
"More importantly, isn't there something you should be showing me, Vivio?" Shirou said, and his daughter felt her father's hold on her body tighten to resist any attempt to let go.
"Papa, that's sexual harassment."
"Just show me your grades, Vivio," Shirou retorted with a no-nonsense voice.
"Urk."
"Well that doesn't sound promising." Vita reentered the scene with such words.
"Mo-mo—more importantly!" Vivio continued, managing to escape Shirou's embrace after significant effort. She hurriedly moved behind her girlfriend, planting her hands on Einhard's shoulders and pushing them towards the adults. "Check out Einhard-tan's grades! They're amazing!"
Everybody knew what Vivio was up to, but they played along, thus attention shifted to the rapidly stiffening and blushing Einhard Stratos.
"Ah, um, it's not….such a big deal…" she said, but her hands were still reaching for the grades' report in the pocket of her uniform—unlike Vivio, she had not changed out of her school clothes. An impatient Vivio all but seized off the other girl's hand and spread it open for the adults to see.
"Top of her class and second in her year! She's awesome!"
"Hmm…" When Shirou leaned closer to get a better look at the paper, Vivio snuck away to this time use Vita's body as her cover. Shirou found himself smiling at the academic quality implicit in the numbers recorded in Einhard's transcript.
"This is…very impressive indeed."
"Hmm," Vita, who was never really much interested in academics, could still acknowledge good results, regardless of their nature. "Not bad, Hegemon."
"Oh, don't be like that, Vita. This is great."
Einhard straightened when Shirou too rose and stood properly in front of her.
"Looks like you've done a great job this year, Einhard. Be proud of yourself."
It was unreasonable, how it happy it made her to hear such words. Glowering with joy, Einhard held her head high and eagerly nodded before the man's gentle and proud smile.
"Yes! Thank you very much!"
Shirou chuckled as the girl once again reminded of one Fate T. Harlaown. She had been exactly like this at her age. What was it Chrono did to his little sister at times like these?
"Unyah!" Einhard squeaked when Shirou's right hand felt on her head and stroke it gently. Vivio and any other woman would have complained about messing their hairdo, but Einhard simply froze as a warm and blissful feeling permeated her body. Some of classmates had praised her records, and so had Vivio. This time, however, the praise came from the person she admired and looked up to; her ideal responsible, modest, well-mannered and gentle adult. The man she admired as a big brother, or even a father—although he was not old enough for the latter (in a decent society). Emiya Shirou was, indeed, the person whose praise and approval meant the most to her.
So young man and even younger lady stayed like that for a while. Shirou smiled with a tinge of amusement while Einhard accepted his hand's ministrations with a stiff smile and eyes filled with the luster of joy. Vita could all but see a fluffy canine tail wagging behind her back. As for what Vivio saw…
"Wh-wha—!?" She gasped. "Ma-Mama!" She then said, drawing Vita and the other two's attention. "Wha-wha—what's this bittersweet feeling, like there's something fundamentally wrong with this scene!?"
"Hmm…" Vita crossed her arms, acting as if she were seriously considering Vivio's question. "Mayhap…that is the realization it should be you over there?"
"…eh?" Vivio's dismayed expression showed something was clicking in the girl's head.
"Also, realizing that Einhard makes for a better daughter to Shirou than you ever will?"
"Vi-Vita!" Shirou hissed, outraged by the other redhead's statement. Something closer to "awawa!" came out of Einhard's mouth. Vivio, however, fell on her knees like gravity around her suddenly increased a few dozen times. Then her hands fell on the ground as well, and she took a deep breath.
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannn!" She then exclaimed making the other three take a step backwards.
"Was…was that supposed to be some sort of sound effect…?" Einhard mused, somewhat freaked out by her best friend's behavior. She even shrieked when Vivio suddenly looked up with bloodshot eyes and dark spots under that were certainly not there mere seconds before.
"Wha-wha-wha—what is this!?" She exclaimed. "This humiliation mixed with excitement; this anxiety mixed with expectation!" Vivio rose to her knees, looking at her hands as if seeking for answers there. "I should be mortified, yet at the same time I feel a little happy!?"
Vivio gasped.
"Have I…have I finally discovered why people read netorare manga!?"
Shirou's and Einhard's faces sank to the point their hair covered their eyes. The hand formerly stroking Einhard's hair dropped lamely to Shirou's side, as the two shared surprisingly (not really) identical thoughts.
This persoooooooooooonnn!
Vivio gasped again.
"Mama! Big problem!" The lovely yet somewhat unhinged blonde then said. "I…! I might need Papa´s dick after all—gebugh!"
Watching Vivio fall to fetal position on the middle of the plaza, her lungs emptied and her face contorted in pain, Emiya Shirou understood in his mind that, as her father, he should confront Einhard for punching his daughter in the gut. However, what he did was let his hand rest on the older teenager's shoulder, squeezing it gently to grab her attention.
"Thank you," he said, perhaps with more sorrow and gratitude than should be appropriate. "For being you. For being here. For so many things."
Their eyes met, and countless thoughts were exchanged. Shirou saw in Einhard's eyes that his feelings had reached her. Perhaps this was the alignment of hearts bound together by the person of Emiya Vivio. Perhaps it was simply the affinity of two people who did not realize how similar they were.
Vita let half of her face rest on her open right was grinning, though.
"Damn it, Shirou, you adopted the wrong girl."
Vivio coughed out some bile.
Part IV
"Guys! Guys, stop," Vita suddenly commanded. And when Vita commanded, those other three listened.
"I have an idea," she said. "And like all my ideas, it's fuckin' brilliant."
"Language, Vita," Shirou warned.
"Ahaha…" Einhard laughed weakly and not really meaning it.
"Bite me, swordie."
"What?" Shirou grimaced. "No! Why? You probably taste horrible."
Shirou and the two teenage girls then walked away, leaving a gaping redhead behind, her arms dangling lamely as she dealt with the moral damage of Shirou's latest retort.
"But, you already know how I taste…" she muttered in a sad pout. Then she immediately regained her former mood. "Hey wait! I told you to wait, damn it!"
"So, our plan was to fool around and then have dinner somewhere, right?" she said, and the others nod. "Well, here's what I was thinking: let's be honest; no matter where we go, it just won't compare to Shirou's cooking."
The other three stared at the triumphantly smiling woman, who crossed her arms under her fairly developed bust.
"So…you propose we go to the supermarket, buy ingredients, go back home and have Papa cook a specially awesome dinner for us?"
"Yup!"
"So, basically, what we do every single time?" Shirou then pointed out, although he did have an honest smile on his face.
"Well, there is a reason we do it all the time!" Vita replied.
"Umm…" Einhard then uttered, raising a hand like a good student. "I thought this was a special occasion, so Shirou-san was not to cook for a change…?"
"Whuh?" Vita made a 'what'cha talkin' about?' face. "Why would anybody want that?"
Einhard looked up at the man in question, looking almost apologetic.
"It's always like this, Einhard; don't think too hard about it," he said. Still, he smiled warmly at the ponytailed beauty. "Thank you for trying, though."
"Ah, um." Einhard Stratos smiled with the pleasure of having done the right thing.
"But before that, let's go malling for a while!"
"Yay!" cheered Vivio as she pranced after her adoptive mother.
"Mall is not a verb, Vita," Shirou complained even if it was pointless.
"Hurry up! We're starting at the arcade!"
"Right away!?"
A smiling Einhard followed Emiya Shirou's back after the lively mother-daughter pair, finding a strange sort of enjoying in his quiet mutterings about women who never grew up, both literally and figuratively.
"Shirou," said Vita without taking her eyes off the screen as her character blew a hungry undead apart with a jackhammer.
"Hmm?" Shirou's own character was hacking and slicing apart an entire zombie horde with a pair of machetes.
"If I got bitten by a zombie, what would you do?"
"Hmm…" Shirou seriously pondered the question. "Are we talking rotting pile of undead-flesh, or the virus-type, brain-eating-crazy-but-still-kind-of-alive kind of zombie?"
"Huh," Vita uttered. "Let's go with virus."
"Well…" Unable to pull a machete off its latest victim, Shirou's manly character was forced to pull away from the seemingly endless horde. Vita's leaner character provided covering flamethrower fire.
"I guess I'd keep you tied and muzzled somewhere so you can't hurt anyone, but I'd probably still cook you normal food every day."
"Aww, that's sweet."
"What the hell kind of conversation is that…?" Vivio asked her girlfriend, who could only shrug. "But when Papa spoke of tying Mama I totally thought he was going somewhere else with tha—ow! Einhard-tan!"
"Thank you, Einhard," Shirou said basically as a natural reaction. His entire attention remained on the approaching undead menace.
"Yes, you're welcome."
"I had the most romantic dream last night," Vita suddenly commented. The group was roaming the countless shops in the mall; currently taking a look at a wall full of very fashionable glasses.
"Really," Shirou said matter-of-factly, not really interested in buying glasses he most certainly did not need.
"Um. Actually, you were there, Shirou."
"Really!" Vivio suddenly poked her head over her girlfriend's shoulder, sounding perhaps a little too enthusiastic.
"Um." Vita nodded. "You see, Shirou and I were walking on a deserted beach. You know, the blue sea, fine white sand, this beautiful sunset, the whole works."
"Really," Shirou repeated, although his voice carried a subtle questioning "and then…?"
"And then the sand exploded all around us, and a bunch of demons with revving chainsaws burst from underground!" Vita then continued; her eyes and voice brimming with excitement.
"Eh…?"
"And then there were also water demons, coming out of the sea with these wicked spears!"
"Uh, mama…?" Vivio uttered as her mind put into question her beloved mother's sense of romance.
"Um, Shirou-san, how exactly do 'water demons' look different from normal demons…?"
"They have gills, Einhard."
"How do you even know that!?" Vivio retorted.
"Oh, of course. Thank you, Shirou-san."
"You just take him at face value!?"
"Anytime, Einhard."
"Stop ignoring me! And stop smiling at each other like that! They're pink! The backgrounds are pink! What's with this fuwa-fuwa scene!?"
"So Shirou and I stood back to back, whipped our weapons out and yelled 'let's rock'!" Vita laughed with vivid joy. "Man, we kicked so much demon ass! It was the best."
"Nobody cares!" Vivio barked out.
"Well that's great, Vita," said Shirou with a face smiling like a Bodhisattva's.
"What's with that annoyingly fatherly look, Papa!?"
"Yes, it was a lovely story, Vita-san."
"Wha-wha—Einhard-tan's the mother!? More like, you pull off the motherly smile a little too well, girlfriend of mine!"
"Ehehe~"
"And why do you look so happy, Mama!? They're treating you like a chiiiiiiiiiiilllld!"
And thus the unrepentant lesbian pervert huffed away from the trio, mumbling nonsense about people being "impossible" and herself being "the only normal one". Once she was far away enough the other three exchanged guilty smirks and shook hands for a job well done.
"I can't believe I went along with this," said Einhard, but she was nonetheless smiling. "And I can't believe Shirou-san would do something like this."
"It's every father's prerogative to annoy his teenage daughter."
Vita mock-sobbed and wiped non-existent tears off her eyes.
"I've taught you so well." She then shook her head. "Man, I really hate the assholes who didn't give you custody, Shirou."
Shirou and Einhard looked at each other. There had been already a huge scandal about giving custody of Vivio to a young, single man. There was no way in hell he would have gotten custody of a second young girl.
"That…doesn't really matter, does it?"
Einhard shook her head, not bothering to hide the redness of her cheeks as her heart soared.
"Not at all," she said, softly. "Besides, it's still too early for me to become Shirou-san's daughter. Vivio's still a minor, after all."
Shirou and Vita made little o's with their mouths, Einhard's bold declaration taking them utterly by surprise.
"But, to be completely honest…" Dropping her head a bit, the heiress of Ingvalt struck the two adults with her finest, most unfair and Testarossa-ish pout.
"I wished I also had a mama…"
"Guh!"
"Ugah!"
Shirou and Vita were left in an awkward silence, both hoping the other would not catch a glimpse of their blushing cheeks.
"Uhh…um," Shirou uttered lamely, letting his eyes roam aimlessly over the lines and lines of non-prescription glasses.
"Uh…yeah! These!" Vita hurriedly seized a pair of glasses and put them on. "I like these! They make me look smarter!"
It worked miraculously. Shirou's cheeks lost their hue and his eyes lost almost all hint of emotion.
"…Einhard."
"Hmm?" The innocently smiling girl perked up.
"Let this," he said, pointing at Vita's glasses-wearing form. "Be a lesson on how looks can be deceiving."
"Yes, Shirou-san."
"Hey! Gods, you're impossible together! Assholes!"
Not-quite-father and not-quite-daughter exchanged impish grins as they watched Vita's fine-looking adult form huffing away right after Vivio.
"I'm back! With the missing garlic powder!" Vita shouted excitedly the moment she set foot in the Emiyas' dining room. After the group did their shopping and returned to the Emiya residence in the outskirts of Cranagan for Shirou to make dinner, the man of the house found out they were missing ingredients. The young couple was probably being lovey-dovey in Vivio's room or something.
"Oh, thanks for the hard work," greeted the man, his back to the newcomer as he was busy doing his kitchen magic.
"Don't mention it."
"You know, I was just thinking about you," admitted Shirou. "I really missed you."
Vita froze on her steps, hopelessly succumbing to her accelerating heart pumping more blood to her face.
"Ah…um, tha…" Her voice dropped until it was almost imperceptible. "If, if you say that, I…"
"Yeah," Shirou continued, blissfully ignorant of his effect on his best friend. "My back was itching and I couldn't reach it. Can you give me a—buwaaaagh!"
The kitchen rattled with the force of a knee striking Shirou's back like an iron hammer.
"Asshole!"
"Why…?" gasped out the afflicted man.
"Just die already, you fucking harem protagonist!"
"What…the hell…bleargh."
Vita's foul mood only lasted as long as it took Shirou to put food on the table. Regardless, Vita tried her luck at eliciting something, anything, out of Shirou.
"Man, the guy at the register was staring at me like I was the hottest girl in the world," she said, to which Shirou replied with a mild hum.
"Must have been a slow day, huh."
"Ouch, Shirou. Ouch."
Einhard quietly ravaged her portion of the meal, while Vivio somewhat followed along with her mother's wishes.
"Ahaha, Mama's super hot, after all."
"Right~!"
"Why are you going along with Vivio…?" muttered the only man at the table.
"I am certainly surprised," admitted Einhard. "Vita-san does look very serious and adult-like in that form…"
"Right~?"
"…when seen from a distance."
"Hey."
Vivio laughed. "Well, no matter how delicious she looks, Mama is Mama after all."
"What's with that wording…?" said the face-palming Shirou.
"Hmm…" Vita seemed to be pondering something. "Maybe I should stick to Adult Form all the time—"
"No!" Vivio promptly refuted. "I don't want that! Who wants that!? Papa, press B! Press B! Abort the evolution!"
"Where's the B-button anyway…?"
"Mama's left nip—buwagh!"
"Thank you, Einhard."
The twin-tailed beauty pulled her elbow out of Vivio's gut.
"No problem at all, Shirou-san."
"So what's the big deal if I stick to Adult Form?" harrumphed Vita while moodily picking at her seafood.
"Umm, I mean, it's not like I have a problem with it, but…" Vivio pursed her lips while gathering her thoughts. "I mean, Mama's already, like, the most awesome mama, so it's like it would be pointless even if Mama becomes, like, super-mega-hot all the time."
"You are rambling, Vivio," pointed out Einhard.
"And, like, Mama doesn't even use Adult Form to fight, so using it all the time would be kinda weird…?" She gave up with an exasperated gesture. "Sheesh, Papa! Say something!"
"Well…" Shirou had been eating calmly until directly addressed. He then turned to speak directly to Vita. "I can't speak for everybody else, but…in my case, I don't like you because you're big or small. I like you because you're Vita."
"Uwaaaaah…!" Vivio looked the most excited in the table. Her girlfriend to the side raised an eyebrow at the girl's unsubtle attitude.
"Hmm…" Vita murmured. "Well Shirou, you know what I like?"
"What?"
"Shrimp!" replied the woman right before stuffing herself with the crustacean.
"Mama…" groaned Vivio.
"You know what else I like?" insisted the smaller redhead.
"What else?" acquiesced Shirou.
"Eel!" Chomp. "Know what I really, really love?"
Shirou ignored Vita's 'I'm-sure-you-know-the-obvious-answer' face. His eyes drifted to Vivio, Einhard and then back to Vita.
"…us?"
Vita pursed her lips.
"…yeah, sure. I was gonna say soy sauce, though."
"…"
Vivio and Einhard exchanged looks, as if wondering what they could do about this hopeless person. Shirou shook his head and stretched a hand towards the woman beside him.
"More importantly: Vita, stay still."
"Eh?"
Before Vita could say anything else, Shirou's swift hand reached over and pulled a stray eyelash off her cheek.
"Now, make a wish and blow it away."
Vita glanced at the eyelash on the tip of Shirou's finger before closing her eyes and blowing. The four followed the fair drift of the floating eyelash all the way to Shirou's miso soup.
"Aww…" Vita cooed. "I wished it would get in your food, and it came true!"
"…"
"Thanks for dinner, babe!" Vita called out from the couch to the man washing the dishes. That evening he had Einhard Stratos as cleaning support. "You're a great cook, ya know?"
"And you're a great eater, Vita."
"True, true."
Einhard mouthed 'babe?' to the quietly amused Shirou, who simply shrugged.
Once cleaning was done, Vivio pulled her girlfriend along to the bath while the adults settled down on the couch and relaxed. Some action movie blared out of the TV, but neither was really paying much attention. The images flashed by the eyes, but their minds were far away, in a place of quiet tiredness and relaxation.
"You know what's awesome?" Vita said at some point in the middle of the movie.
"What?"
"That we can just sit here, like this."
"Hmm."
They had, indeed, fought long and hard for the sake of those peaceful days. It was not worth dwelling on the battles fought and tears shed, though. They were at peace, and happy.
"…yeah," agreed the man made of swords.
"And that Genocider Ultimate Edition comes out tomorrow."
"…"
"Actually, Genocider's way more awesome."
Shirou muttered something like "I give up."
Vita was well into a thorough explanation on the awesomeness of her favorite indie game series when Einhard stepped into the living room clad in only a white cotton bathrobe. Her twintails undone, the young beauty worked on the wet hair with a small brush.
"Am I intruding, Shirou-san, Vita-san?"
"Oh, not at all, not at all," Vita replied for the two. "Come watch the movie nobody's really watching."
"Uh, okay…"
Einhard, while voluptuous, was smallish of frame, and Vita in her original form was even smaller, so there was more than enough room in the couch for the three of them. Shirou, ever the blessed man, ended up surrounded on both sides by lovely young women. Both adults caught the sweet aroma of Einhard's pristine body, having just stepped out of the bathroom. Were Shirou any other man and Einhard any other woman, Vita would have felt threatened by the blossoming beauty who had made a place for herself in their kind-of-family.
"I would've thought Vivio would be having her way with you in the bathtub, Hegemon," said the hammer knight.
"Do we really have to discuss my daughter's libido right now?" Shirou said while rolling his eyes.
"Well, she tried," unabashedly replied the lovely teenager. Noticing the two pairs of eyes on her, Einhard admitted the need for further clarification.
"Please do not worry, Shirou-san. I made sure she will not slip and drown while unconscious."
While Shirou made a pained expression, Vita was all grins.
"Atta girl! Damn, didn't our girl get herself a hell of a catch, huh, Shirou?"
He chuckled while taking a good look at Einhard's mildly flushed face. Whether it was because of the bath or because of their proximity on the couch was not really important.
"Actually, when I first adopted Vivio I hoped to be that dad that greets his daughter's boyfriend with twin broadswords on his neck."
"Um, Shirou, sword-brandishing dads don't really exist," Vita pointed out. "It's shotguns that are all the rage with overprotective dads nowadays."
"Whatever," Shirou dismissed Vita's comments, never taking his eyes off Einhard, whose ow face all but shone under the man's close attention. "Turns out my daughter's a lesbian. Now, I could probably figure out something if it were Rio, or even Corona or Fabia."
"But it's you." Shirou grinned, which made the young woman smile shyly. "Way to burst my bubble, Einhard."
"I…don't think I can apologize for that, Shirou-san."
Shirou left his hand fall on the girl's moist hair to stroke it, and the girl accepted his affection wholeheartedly.
"Please don't," said the man. "I'm glad it's you."
"Well, that was amusing and all, but I guess I should check on Vivio," said Vita as she jumped off the couch. "I would like to take a bath myself, ya know. Anything you want me to tell her, Hegemon?"
"Just drop her on her bed," said the teenager. "We pamper her too much; it's good to leave her waiting and simmering from time to time."
Shirou and Vita stared at the girl with broad eyes and newfound respect. Perhaps for the first time, they recognized the woman Vivio cherished more than anyone else as an authentic adult.
"…damn, girl, you're good."
Shirou suddenly felt awkward stroking her like one would a pet, but the glimmer in her eyes the moment he brought his hand to a halt pushed him to continue.
With Vita gone, Shirou and his daughter's girlfriend were left alone in the room. They naturally turn their bodies and faces towards the screen and the movie neither had really paid attention to. In a moment of uncharacteristic boldness from the young woman, Einhard took a page from Vivio's book and pressed herself against Shirou's side—Emiya Vivio's very own "I wanna be pampered" signal. Looking very amused, Shirou smoothly slid his arm around her head and pushed her to rest on his shoulder, his fingers carefully stroking the locks of her fair hair, just like he'd do to his own, pampered child. It all happened very naturally, but Einhard doubted she would ever allow herself this with Vita or Vivio around.
It was scary, how comfortable this was—whatever this was, anyway.
"Einhard."
"Hmm?"
"I'll be very cross with you if you lose Vivio to some…guy."
The girl giggled.
"I'd like to meet the man who can steal Vivio from me."
She turned her head to look up, and her heterochromic eyes soon met Shirou's dancing irises. He was smiling a smile that took whole years off his true age. It was very comforting and very charming, and Einhard found herself naturally returning the youthful smile.
"Good answer, girl."
"Thank you very much, Shirou-san."
Einhard Stratos had long come to terms with the fact that she would never call this man "father". Their bond; the powerful link that bound their hearts, neither needed nor desired such a denomination. Nevertheless, Shirou and Einhard, huddled together in a degree of intimacy that would render Yagami Hayate catatonic were she to bear witness to it, reveled in whatever this was while vaguely watching a scene of a gruff-looking movie star finding his wife in a mental hospital after a movie-long search.
"This is quite educational, Shirou-san," commented the girl. "If Vita-san ever goes missing, do consider checking in the nearest mental institution."
"Are you kidding me, Einhard? That's the first place I'd look!"
Their purest, freest laughter filled the vast space of the Emiyas' living room.
