Something nice and calm for a change... I hope you enjoy ^^
Chapter XXXIX
„Let the Small Voice in the Silence become a Promise"
After a hot bath and a delicious meal prepared by the still shaken cook, we called it a day early. I missed my warm, fluffy bed so much... and yet, I couldn't fall asleep.
Lying on my side, I studied the symbols carved in the wall above the window for a while, the sky outside getting darker and darker. I knew them well by now, but looked at them in a completely different way after today... Now I knew they served as anchoring points for powerful spells that kept us safe from the very first day we arrived in this mansion. It was funny that it never even crossed my mind before...
A quiet sigh escaping my lips, I shifted my gaze slightly below, to the subtle, dark lines of the last swallows flashing outside the window, bidding farewell to the dim glow of the vanishing day. The sting of guilt caused by what I did to Eugeo still remained in my chest... along with a faint echo of fear. Eugeo was always the calm and collected one, never getting angry, his words always balanced. At least until today. I thought I was going to be the only one to lose temper, never suspecting that Eugeo could rise his voice, get furious like this... It scared me in a way, but also made me realize what an idiot I must have been to even make it go that far.
I stood up, walked over to the window and leaned on the windowsill. I took a deep breath of the fresh, evening air. A gentle, soft darkness was shrouding the landscape, the moon just appearing low above the tops of the pines. I glanced down.
Armailith was lying comfortably on the biggest (small for her) open space between the residence and the tree line, her front legs crossed on the sand just by the edge of the water, which didn't speak with even the most silent of splashes that night. She was busy observing the picturesque surroundings, hiding their beauty under the cloak of dusk, as if she could see the stripes of coniferous and mixed woods guarding the clear waters and occasional tufts of reed despite the darkness. I smiled inwardly and started to watch her, propping my chin on my crossed wrists. From above she looked like a huge ball of gold. Help that came unexpected was really a double blessing...
Not so long ago we thought we were alone and wouldn't be able to handle this whole mess, but now... we were joined by a real dragon. Not to mention the brother of Sharish himself, who, with the help of the Sunrise's shards that we collected, could prove to be a distinct advantage over our enemy...
My thoughts got interrupted by Armailith, who must have sensed my stare and turned her enormous head towards me. She didn't even have to stretch her neck, on the contrary, she had to bend it a little so her snout could reach the level of my window. It was still kind of mindblowing how huge she actually was.
"Why aren't you sleeping yet?" she asked gently.
"I can't fall asleep..."
"That's strange, you seem tired," she paused for a second, examining me with those piercing eyes. "Is something troubling you?"
"It's nothing important, don't worry," I smiled reassuringly.
"Still, something is weighting your heart down..." the dragoness lifted one of her wings so that its surface reached the level of the windowsill. To my questioning look, she added: "If you can't sleep anyway, maybe you'd like to keep me company?"
Without deliberating much, I climbed up and, hugging my wings tightly to my body, squeezed through the narrow window out into the forest-scented night. I couldn't stop a pale smile. I managed to find at least one bright side to not being of the tallest posture for my age. I crouched on the wing's surface to keep my balance and Armailith carefully drew it back to her body.
"Maybe you want to share what's not letting you sleep after all?" she tried again.
I slid down the smooth scales to the ground and sat on the grass, leaning my back against her pleasantly warm stomach. I could smell the faint, sour scent of thallus coming from between the trees, probably portending bad weather. For now though, the forest was silent, immersed in a solidary sleep with the lake.
"I just... feel like a fool for how I treated Eugeo..." I finally admitted.
"I'm sure he doesn't blame you."
"Probably, but still..." I glanced to the grass and pulled out one of the blades. "This whole argument was totally unnecessary..."
"Sometimes you need to cross a boundary to remember where it lies," Armailith yawned shortly, showing the impressive, white fangs. "But you could have at least let others sleep peacefully at night."
A sudden wave of uneasiness hit me. So she wasn't sleeping that night after all...
"Am I to understand that this adorable blush is supposed to mean 'yes, you're right'?" the dragoness teased, clearly amused.
I looked away, pretending to fix the unruly bangs that were getting into my eyes.
"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Kirito. You're both young and everyone is bound to make mistakes at the beginning of their path. But you are aware how ephemeral a footprint on the sand is... Human life is short, even if supported by the vitality of dragons. Sometimes the other can vanish before you get the chance to apologize... Which is why it's best to solve misunderstandings as quickly as possible, and not drown in presumptions."
A tiny sigh escaped me. What else was there to add...?
"But if you regret it that much," Armailith lifted her gaze towards the residence, "then maybe just tell him that you do?"
My eyebrows rose, and after them went my eyes, following her gaze.
The balcony door next to my window was slightly ajar, the hazy glow of a candle's flame coming from inside. Was Eugeo still awake too? I glanced at Armailith. Maybe she was right... maybe all we needed was a talk... A silent call of an owl came from somewhere in the resin-scented darkness, agreeing with my thoughts.
"Can you help me?" I finally asked.
The dragoness gave me a warm look and offered the tip of her tail for me to climb onto. When I tightly gripped one of the spikes, she carefully lifted me to the balcony. I leaned forward a little and peeked into the room between the dark curtains.
Eugeo was sitting on the bed, a book on his lap, but he didn't seem to pay it much attention. His dimmed stare was fixed on the ceiling, his back against a big pillow, his mind seeming deep in thought. I watched him for a few moments, debating whether or not I should really disturb him, when Eugeo suddenly closed his eyes and a delicate, warm smile appeared on his lips.
"Since you're already here Kirito, why don't you come in?" he said out of the blue. "I wouldn't want you to accidentally break something else."
I almost lost my balance. I grabbed the railing with one hand, shoved away the short wave of panic and hesitantly looked to Armailith. The dragoness just nodded, her eyes sparkling in silent laughter. "Don't run away if no one is chasing you, my boy," she quietly said.
All that was left for me to do was to shake my head, smiling, and jump from her tail to the balcony.
I drew one of the navy-blue curtains back a little and looked at Eugeo, torn between the desire to enter and the urge to flee back outside. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you..." I started.
"It's alright, I wasn't able to concentrate anyway."
"How did you know I was there?"
In response, Eugeo took the leather band of his sirath between two fingers and jiggled it gently. I frowned, reaching to my own stone... and my fingers met two extra ones, that answered my touch with a quiet chime... I completely forgot that I still had Asuna's sirath on my neck. I've gotten used to the sounds it was making by now.
I couldn't help but laugh a little. "I see, my mistake."
Eugeo smiled. "I thought you were long asleep... what were you doing out there?"
"Talking to Armailith..." I perched on the edge of the bed, at its feet. "I couldn't sleep."
Eugeo just kept looking at me almost interrogatively, clearly sensing that there was something I wanted to tell him. I had to turn my gaze away. "I... I wanted to apologize for my behavior in the last few days..." I choked out.
"You have nothing to apologize for. It was my own fault."
"That's not true, I..." my voice caught in my throat. I didn't exactly know how to deny that. It was partially true.
A gentle smile rippled the clear, expressive depths of Eugeo's eyes. "I know you feel guilty and don't want to blame me, but that's the truth, you see it yourself."
"But I contributed to it. I should have asked, given it more thought..."
"You see, by knowing all of you, Kaan included, I learned that someone of a devoted heart often has a restive tongue to accompany it."
The amused sparks in Eugeo's eyes finally summoned a smile on my lips.
"Let's just forget about it," he suggested. "The situation is almost constantly tense, and any incautiously said word can cause an unintentional and foolish argument."
"Yeah... so much has happened lately..."
"You know, I didn't believe for even a second that you started all of this on purpose," Eugeo closed his book and put it on the night table, next to the candle. "I didn't blame you for it. You seemed exhausted and a little jittery from the dragonne's attack, meeting Armailith and what you learned from her... As soon as it became clear what Ronye knew, I realized that it would cross the limit of your endurance. What I didn't expect were your words that also crossed mine..."
I didn't answer. It hit me that Eugeo must have had an equally hard time as me in the last few days. If not harder...
I heard Eugeo's silent sigh and lifted my head to see him settling more comfortably on his pillows and grabbing two others. "Come on," he said simply, putting his hand on the soft bedding next to himself.
I joined him. As soon as I sunk into the soft feathers, Eugeo circled his arm behind my back and pulled me slightly closer. There was a moment where I reflexively debated if I should move away, but I couldn't. I just leaned my head on his bony shoulder and closed my eyes, smiling. I finally felt like I could fall asleep... I guess this was what I was missing this whole time...
Maybe that was the reason I felt so uneasy lately, and quickly lost my composure... I missed the serenity and ease that the arms of someone trusted brought with them... Armailith was taking care of me like a mother would of her cub since I woke up in her nest, but that wasn't quite the same...
"Do you miss them...?" Eugeo's whisper reached my ears.
"Who...?" I mumbled sleepily, not even bothering to open my eyes.
"Your family... Alice..."
I had to stay silent for a brief moment. Sometimes it felt like Eugeo could read minds... "I do... a lot..."
"If you want, we can visit them again. You promised after all..."
I shook my head even before he finished. "I would love to, but... Sharish is so unpredictable lately. I don't want him to accidentally come up with the idea of razing my village to the ground if he happens to watch us again... I don't want them to get involved further..."
"I understand, but... you are aware that they are worried, right? And so am I... you just seem so depressed lately..."
"There is nothing to worry about, really. The situation is recoiling on all of us, Asuna and Kaan included, I guess it's just showing a bit more on my pretty face."
Eugeo let out a breath that was a shadow of a laugh. "There is nothing wrong about it, Kirito. I'm worried too and I miss my family... Especially my sister..."
"You have a sister?" I threw him a curious look.
"Yeah..." a sad smile found its way to my friend's lips. "She's two years younger and she's kind of a little treasure to me... It was... difficult to leave her and my mother, but I too didn't want them to get involved. I didn't want them to be in danger because of me..."
I took a moment to think about my next words. "Armailith told me that you fled from home because you knew that no one would allow you to just venture out into the world, you being the successor... Don't you think you made them worry more than they normally would? They have no idea where you went, if you're even still alive..."
"I left them a letter with an explanation... I know it's not much, but I couldn't just tell them everything, they would probably have locked me in somewhere rather than let me go. Besides... I don't think I would have had the courage to tell Yuuki in her face that I have to leave... she's cried enough because of me, and so did my mother. But... right now it's probably no different..."
"Wait... they cried because of you before you left?"
The sigh that escaped Eugeo seemed to come from the very bottom of his soul. "I was nothing but worry for my family for years... I always refused to accept my right to rule, that being born in the Nitrael family gave me. I just wanted to be normal, longed for freedom. Which was the source of many quarrels with my father, who wanted us to reclaim what was rightfully ours. I often fled from home, hid in the city or somewhere in the mountains... during one of those escapades I had the luck of meeting Sitriel. He always willingly listened to the worries that weighted my heart down. He was also the one who often convinced me to return home quicker than I had in the past... I stopped running from my problems only when I noticed that my mother started to get depressive and I heard Yuuki's sobbing next door at night..."
Eugeo paused, but I didn't respond in any way. I felt happy that my friend was opening himself to me, even if it hurt both our hearts. I wanted to respect that. The only thing I did was a gentle squeeze that I gave his hand. Luckily, their subtle answer told me that he was still with me, wasn't entirely gone in the world of painful memories.
"I loved my father, despite the differences in our beliefs," Eugeo resumed his story. "And I knew he loved me back, he just wanted the best for all of us... but I still didn't want to have anything to do with the throne. The stress I caused him was probably the reason why he suddenly fell ill and passed away shortly after. And I... even when he was lying on his death bed, I couldn't overcome my stubbornness... even when he used the remnants of his strength to ask me to take the throne of Earlindon if I get a chance... I couldn't promise that I will... not even lie about it... how heartless and egoistic one must be..."
I suddenly felt something delicate and warm on the back of my hand. I tore my absent gaze away from the blue of the bed sheets and saw a tiny tear, glittering silvery in the misty glow of the candle. I've seen Eugeo cry before... but this time his tears spoke to me more clearly than ever.
"How did you manage to endure all this..." I asked in disbelief. "When shortly after Sitriel's death was added to it..." I trailed off. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I didn't know what to say that made me stop, or was it the fear that I could break him if I went any further...?
But Eugeo just smiled, the saddest smile I've ever seen. "If you're at the bottom, you can't look further down. I had to look up... Even if there was still something beneath me, I didn't want to see it." He let out a quiet sigh. "You probably shouldn't pay attention to me Kirito... I'm not worth it... I just constantly make somebody cry, cause problems... to my family, to Asuna, to you... I'm just a selfish, stubborn idiot, that's all..."
"You're not!" I interrupted him, unable to tolerate this kind of nonsense. "If it was true... I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have followed you that day, you wouldn't have become someone so important to me." I shifted on the bedding and put my hand to his shoulder to make him look me in the eyes. "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, I myself made more than I can count. I regretted my actions so many times already... But you can't just force yourself to change, you can't suddenly become someone you're not, someone who others would like you to be. Didn't you say yourself: 'It's you who has to decide what feels right to you and what course of action doesn't cause you to have any regrets in life'... You can't change who you are at the bottom of your heart and soul. I thought that I knew why you told me that back then, but only now your words started to make some twisted and deep sense... You are who you are and that's what the people close to you love you for... And it's the true you who I accepted as my best friend... a partner whom I trust unconditionally... and who I feel trusts me, even though I made misunderstanding him almost into an art..."
Eugeo gave me a sad smile... and a thought crossed my mind, that just like a lake can be as blue as the sky that it reflects, the same way eyes were reflecting the soul and the heart. I saw everything in them, the sadness, the guilt, the relief at my words... I saw them just for a moment though, because Eugeo shyly wrapped his arms around me and hid his face in my shoulder.
"You know..." his voice was so silent that it almost got drowned out by the rustle of leaves outside, "Sitriel once said something similar... shortly after my father passed away..."
"Oh... really?"
Eugeo nodded, his hair tickling my neck. "Thank you..."
We both leaned on the pillows again and just stayed in silence for some time, the wind coming in from the ajar balcony door gently moving the curtains. It didn't take me long to start feeling sleepy, Eugeo's soft, steady breath becoming a not quite comprehensible, but beautiful lullaby...
Before I could drift off for good though, he moved again, pulling us both down and removing the excess pillows. When I lazily opened my eyes to give him a questioning look, he smiled slightly. "Your eyes are red... it's obvious you're exhausted," his soothing voice didn't help me to fight my drowsiness. "We should both sleep."
"But shouldn't I rather..."
He shook his head. "Nope. Don't worry, this bed is too big even for two."
The warm sparks in his eyes were enough to convince me. I helped him to cover us both with the quilt, pleasantly warm at the spot where we were just sitting and closed my eyes again. Before I blacked out, I felt Eugeo's lips brush my forehead. It was a gesture that spoke volumes, more than most of the words he gave me this evening did. Like he wanted to say that he trusted me and wanted to keep protecting me even if I stabbed him in the back. Which I knew would never happen. I would have rather pointed that blade at my own heart.
It's been weeks since I enjoyed a sleep as deep and peaceful as that night...
„Silence should be embraced by Purity
The Night is already silently erasing Mistakes..."
I feel like this took a little shorter this time... or is it just me?
And yep, Yuuki XD It might seem weird, making her Eugeo's sister... but considering what she will do in the future, she seemed like the best choice for that role :]
Reviews:
I'm really flattered sweetheart... I hope this chapter strenghtened the being human aspect of this story. Thank you so so much, you are the best motivation I could have asked for 3
Well, time to do a chapter for another story next. I hope I will see you soon again. Favorable winds to you all ^^
