Chapter Forty-Five – Grief

Lin blinked into active status at the sensation of movement in his arms. He'd set his standby phase to end the moment John showed signs of waking. His synthetic skin felt a little tight where saline had dried to his cheeks. He quickly rubbed his skin, feeling small flakes of it fall away. John was only just awake, blue eyes dim in the early grey light from the closed curtains. Lin tightened his hold on the human and pressed his lips to the teen's temple. Lin didn't even need to scan the teen to know his vitals were all over the place. He could see John's lower lip tremble before he bit down on it, stifling a small sob in his throat.

"I'm here…I'm with you." Lin murmured, his voice a little more scratchy and uneven than he'd like. He swallowed, hoping the human wouldn't notice. John turned into Lin's side at his assuring words, hiding his face as his shoulders quivered. Lin turned onto his side so that he could fully envelop John in his arms, hushing the teen softly. He rocked a little, knowing the motions would help to sooth the human in his arms. "I know…I know…" He whispered, finding it hard to keep his own voice level. His throat felt knotted.

"I should have looked…I should have found him sooner! I could have…" John cried as he gripped Lin's bare shoulders. John's breath and tears were hot and damp on Lin's bare skin. Lin hushed him again, turning John's head gently so that he could hold it against his chest. The sound of his internal workings slowly calmed the teen, but his small sobs didn't stop. After a few minutes Lin tilted John's chin up to look into his angry red eyes, still glittering with tears.

"There was nothing we could have done. The shelving unit caused too much damage…He wouldn't have survived, even if we had gotten him out. It was an accident." Lin said firmly, hating the way John's expression twisted in grief and self-blame. He still thought that it was somehow his fault. The android continued to whisper gentle assurances. He stroked John's bare skin, tracing a path up and down his spine, over his rump and down his thighs.

"What do we do now?" John asked quietly, a question Lin had been working on in the background all night. He'd thought of numerous possibilities. They could claim the insurance and start to rebuild the shop, probably not the best or safest idea at the moment. Returning to the shop would also reveal John's location to the men his father had sent. They could already be there asking questions. John could take this as a sign to take a break and return to Cyberlife, though the outcome was inconclusive. Would Lin find a place at John's side there? Was it even safe for him to go near Cyberlife as a deviant? Would they tear him apart? Reset him? What would John do in that case? Too many variables. They could disappear. This one was appealing, but they needed some time to plan. Where would they go? What would they do? Would they be able to avoid the police and Cyberlife? Lin was a deviant, and John's father would likely file a missing person report. Changing states would also be a challenge right now, what with the crack down on androids.

"We can discuss that later…Right now you need to replenish your fluids…You've cried yourself empty." Lin murmured sympathetically, feeling John nod his agreement into the large android's shoulder. He'd also need to try eating something. As if they'd been heard, a gentle knock sounded on the door. "Come in." The Asian model called after making sure John was securely tucked into the thick duvet.

"I thought you'd like some breakfast." Ayako greeted softly as the carried a large tray over to the bed. It was a heavy wooden one that had legs like a table so it could stand on the mattress. Lin took it from her gratefully and propped it over his lap. "How is he doing?" She asked in an even gentler tone, noting the way the human had burrowed his face into the duvet to avoid notice.

"Worn, vulnerable…uncertain…I'll take care of him." Lin replied, grateful for the light touch Ayako left on his shoulder. She didn't link with him, but he could tell from the pressure that she sympathised and offered any support he needed. He met her eyes with a small quirk of his lips before watching her pad softly out of the room. Lin was quiet as he put butter and jam on some toast for John. "Just one piece." The android compromised as John shook his head.

"Not hungry…" The human murmured, but he did nibble the cooling toast a little at Lin's pleading expression. Lin stroked his blonde locks in encouragement, watching the human's lids close with each stroke. There was some orange juice, as well as a thirium pack. Lin smiled at Ayako's thoughtfulness as he began sucking the blue liquid. He prompted John to sip his juice, helping the toast go down easier. "Lin…" John whimpered vulnerably as he finished the dried bread.

"It's alright, I know…I'm here." Lin murmured as he pulled John's shuddering form against his chest. He was quietly pleased the human had held off for so long. He'd noticed his throat tighten more than one as he ate. His cries were light and breathy, trying not to make too much noise. "Shh, that's it…that's it…" The android whispered as he felt John fighting to get his breathing under control.

"Sorry, I know father would say it's…silly." John cried, his voice laced with shame.

"It's not silly. You lost someone close to you…It doesn't matter that he was an android." Lin said firmly, unwilling to spark a debate over it. Of course John's father wouldn't have seen the GT300 as anything more than a plastic shell and tangled wires. The majority of humans were like that. John shouldn't hold himself to their views and standards. It wasn't fair. The pain he felt was real and valid. As if to confirm his point Lin drew back the skin on his hand before caressing John's pale cheek. The human leaned into the warm touch, humming at the spark that jumped across his skin. "I…feel it too." The android confessed.

"Feel what?" John asked curiously.

"The absence of the GT300…He was…my friend." Lin decided, though perhaps he had been more than a friend. In some ways he was like a brother, an older brother. He was an old model android that had been around for some years, and had taken the time to show Lin the ropes, so to speak. He'd listened to Lin's concerns, given advice, and worried about things with him. They'd shared a common goal. To ensure John remained safe and happy. The weight of that task seemed to fall to Lin now, and with a probable war rising on the horizon that task may become near impossible to complete.

"I'm sorry, I should have realised." John said, suddenly feeling guilty for simply dumping all of his own emotions onto Lin. He was so used to the android's support that he'd forgotten that, as a deviant, Lin had his own emotions to contend with. The unit had been holding himself together to take care of John, and it wasn't fair. It wasn't his job to baby him.

"No. The GT300 was precious to you. I feel the loss, but you don't need to worry about me." Lin assured, watching John's eyes drop as if he'd been reproached. Lin lifted his chin gently, giving him an assuring look. He was almost surprised as John crawled onto his waist, straddling him, and wrapped his arms around his neck. One of John's hands laced in his ebony locks, making the android bury his face in the teen's shoulder. The android ignored their lack of clothing for the moment, even as the sheets pooled around John's bare hips. "Thank you." The android murmured as he embraced John and held him tighter, the unsteady hitch in his voice the only sign he'd allow John to see of his weakness.

"I wish we could go back…have a second chance." John whispered, thinking back to just a few hours ago when they'd been standing in his living room. The only worry they'd had for a while was his father trying to force him back to Cyberlife. He nuzzled Lin's head as he felt the android litter butterfly kisses across his neck and shoulder.

"I know…I know." Lin agreed, curling himself as more saline dripped from his eyes. He couldn't help the pathetic wet sniffle, feeling John stiffen in surprise before his hold tightened. He almost chuckled as he felt John crying too. This is what he'd needed. John's tears only encouraged his own, bodies shaking, hands grasping, breaths stuttering. John eventually drew back, pushing Lin's shoulders until he could see the android's face. Lin raised his head, allowing John to see his own pain and vulnerability.

"Lin…" John murmured, stroking the saline tears from his cheeks, not caring that the tears were a little oilier than salt water. He cupped Lin's cheeks and tilted his face up, pressing gentle kiss after gentle kiss to his lips. Lin pulled him closer. He was greedy as he accepted the comfort offered by John's mouth. That was the only comfort he'd take though. It felt somehow wrong to be physically intimate so soon. He wanted to wallow in pure grief, untainted by passion or anything positive. He was pleased that John seemed to feel the same.

"We should shower and check the news…It might say something about the shop." Lin said eventually, once their tears had stopped and their lips had slowed to a lazy press here and there. John nodded his agreement. They wrapped themselves in their towels and returned to the shower. There was no activity upstairs so they assumed Ayako was downstairs and Takigawa was likely at work. They wasted little time, sharing a quick shower before dressing in their now clean clothes and heading downstairs.

"You're up." Ayako greeted, just putting the finishing touches on some light sandwiches.

"It's good to see you again." John greeted warmly, having been quietly worried about the Traci all this time. Ayako gave them both a once over, not mentioning the redness in both their eyes, before handing a small plated sandwich to John. He took if humbly and sat at the round table. She also gave Lin more blue-blood since he'd been burning through saline.

"I found this on the sofa…while cleaning up…" Ayako said hesitantly as she held her hand open across the table. John almost flinched as he saw the small round button. It was all that remained of the GT300. He remembered the rough feel of the edges as the android had pushed it into his palm. He'd held it in a death grip up until he'd been laid on Takigawa's sofa. He'd almost fallen asleep on the soft surface. The LED must have slipped from his fingers. "I had a spare chain, I hope you don't mind." The redhead added as she held the LED up. It looked like a pendant now with the delicate chain slotted through the back.

"Thank you so much." John said gratefully as he accepted the chain. Lin didn't say a word as he got to his feet and clipped the delicate link around John's slender neck. The chain was far more delicate than ones usually made for men, but this was clearly one of Ayako's own pieces. John was just pleased to have the LED back, unable to help fingering the small disc. He liked to think that perhaps the GT300 would remain with him this way, silently guiding him. I like to think he'd be welcome in heaven…John thought, despite the rambling pastors who often swore androids were the work of the devil.

"Has there been any news?" Lin asked, knowing the redhead would be keeping a close eye on the bulletins too. All deviants would. Ayako's expression darkened a little.

"The humans are making a move. Cyberlife is actively encouraging returns. The police have started to take androids off the streets, sending them to internment camps…I don't know what's going to happen in Detroit, but there has been news of a movement coming together in a place called Jericho…Obviously that's too far away from us, but there is a similar movement here." Ayako reported, not minding John. He may be human, but she knew he was on their side. There was no way he'd let the police get their hands on Lin. She watched John's expression shift to worried, teeth already working his lip. Lin's fingers swiftly reached across, protectively resting on John's plump flesh.

"If they're serious then they'll be making door to door collections soon." Lin said, deeply troubled. He was sure some humans, like John and Takigawa, would try to protect their androids. That meant the police would likely be scanning everyone to confirm their status as an android. He shuddered at the thought. There was no way of fooling an electric scanner. Ayako nodded her agreement. John's eyes widened slightly at the news.

"You mean they'll take everyone? Takigawa's partner? Katie?" John elaborated. Lin winced at the reminder. It didn't bare thinking about. He could already imagine what they were doing in those camps too. Mass deactivation. Breaking androids down, back into their original parts. After that they'd either be repurposed once deviation had been fully researched and fixed or melted down for something new. It didn't matter if an android was deviant or not. The only way to fully irradicate the virus was to get rid of the whole batch and start anew.

"Is anything happening now?" Lin wondered nervously. Ayako moved to the living room, flicking to a twenty four hour news channels. The same report was playing, urging the public to help in handing over androids and ratting out their neighbours if they didn't comply. There was nothing about the shop so far, but this wasn't the local news. "It won't be safe to stay here much longer…" The tall unit murmured thoughtfully.

"Our own version of Jericho exists but…it's a little small, and…they could use some help." Ayako confessed meaningfully as she looked across at John. The teen brightened slightly, pleased to be useful. Lin's jaw tightened. He didn't want to drag John into trouble, but then it wouldn't exactly be safe to leave him alone. He was probably known as a sympathiser, and if his father was looking for him that added more complications.

"Maybe some of my tools survived the fire." John suggested lightly, though it felt too soon to be returning to the scene. The police may still be there, not to mention the men John's father had sent. I could go alone…but John would probably object to that…Are the streets even safe enough right now? He wondered, ultimately deciding it would be better to move in the evening. If they timed it right they would go out near the end of the police shifts, when officers would be changing over. They could keep to quieter roads, keep out of sight.

"Alright, but only if it's clear." Lin warned, John nodding his quiet agreement.