Chapter 56: Together
December 19, 2016
It was pretty nice, living in a place that never had winter.
Bucky used to think that he didn't mind the cold. After all, it was just another fact of life. Either they were in the Ice Box, in the snow, or in terribly freezing labs. Warmth was a rarity, until now. Now, without the tendrils of Hydra deeply ingrained in his brain, Bucky got to realize that the cold really pissed him right off, and that Wakanda was the greatest place in the world.
He was sweating when he got back from his perimeter check, despite the fact that the sun set over two hours ago and he hadn't gone above a walk the entire time. He stomped the dust from his boots before kicking them off, pausing for a beat outside the door. He could hear music going inside, the undercurrent of crackles from the record player pulling at heart strings he didn't think were still connected. If he was honest, he didn't even remember this song - or maybe, he never knew it to begin with.
He pushed the door open, the music immediately enveloping him and transporting him back in time. Out of all the things they tried - food, movies, books, anything - music was the most reliable source to send them back. Luce didn't often start the record player, but he supposed even she had nights where she felt sentimental. He checked the bedroom, but she wasn't there, and the kitchen was empty too. The back door was open, and when he went to check it, he found her sitting outside, idly swinging on the porch swing she'd hung up that morning. She looked up when he stepped out, then reached down and picked up something from the floor: a beer. Wordlessly, she held it out to him, and he moved to take it. He eyed the porch swing for a moment before sinking onto it, the chains groaning ominously.
"It'll hold." Luce said, settling back onto the seat. He did his best to relax too, but if he was honest he didn't completely trust the contraption. The chains squeaked with every tiny swing, as if teasing him for trusting them so implicitly.
"I like the music." he said, cracking open the beer and taking a sip. "God, so much better than that shit in London."
"Pretty sure that stuff was made in a bathtub, so the bar is very low." she grinned, taking a drink herself. "I've never heard this record. Have you?"
"At some point. Couldn't tell you who it is, though." he said. The melody was vaguely familiar, but no words came back to him. In fact, it sounded better now that he was outside the room where it played. "Must be one of Steve's."
"He always had shitty taste in music." There was a glint in her eye, and a quirk to her lips. He let out a huff of a laugh, nodding his head.
"Yea, left to his own devices he listened to the same song on repeat for days. I think he used it as an excuse, back in the day." he said. When Luce cocked her head to the side in a question, he elaborated. "He'd always decline asking a girl to dance by saying that he didn't know the song."
"Typical." she laughed, shaking her head. "Glad to see he grew out of that."
"Who knows what he gets up to nowadays, the jackass." Bucky muttered, taking another sip of his drink. Steve alluded to things when he was here, but he avoided too many details. It was weird, seeing this man he'd known for so long and feeling the space of so many years between them. They'd always be close, but they were both jaded now in different ways, and their pieces didn't quite fit together all the way around anymore.
They were quiet for a long minute, then Luce took a pull from her drink and cleared her throat. "So this is it, huh?"
"What is?" he asked, turning to her. She kept her eyes out on their backyard, staring at it as if she were trying to decipher another meaning from it.
"This. All of this. This life." she said. Her voice was carefully neutral, and she sounded more like Summer than she had in a long time.
"You don't sound happy about it." he said, ice filling his veins. After all this time, was she finally realizing that she was too good for him? As if she could hear his train of thought, she reached out and took his hand.
"I'm happy we're free. And together. I have you to thank for that." she said quietly, giving him a serious look. She hesitated before continuing, looking back out at the yard so she didn't have to look at his piercing blue eyes. "We weren't meant to be weapons. But I don't know if we were meant to just live on a farm either. Perhaps…somewhere in between."
Bucky was silent. He loved their life here, it was everything he never had - not during Hydra, or the Army, or even back in New York. There was a simplicity in the country life that he craved, that he never knew he wanted. He glanced back at Luce to find her gaze dropped to her bottle, her thumb picking at the label.
She'd already had this life. And she'd run away from it. Why didn't she say something sooner?
"We can go." he said, though his chest ached at the thought of leaving behind his goats and his chickens and his cow. He'd even miss Mario, though he had the feeling that the dog would go with them wherever they went. "Just tell me what you want to do, and we'll do it."
She finally met his eyes then, and he couldn't decide if her expression was surprised or scared or angry or somewhere in between. "But you love it here." she said. Ah, so surprised it was. He shrugged.
"I'll love anywhere, as long as I'm with you." he said. Both of them immediately thought of Hydra, and how they did not love it despite being together. But that was behind them now.
She shook her head. "No, we're staying here." she back pedaled. Even if she sacrificed everything for him back in the day, that didn't mean she wanted him to sacrifice for her now. They were a unit now. They stared long and hard, each of them trying to decide where to take this.
Bucky took a breath. "If you could do anything, what would you do?" he asked quietly. Their hands were still clasped, and he intertwined their fingers. Her hand easily settled into his, the weight comforting and solid.
"I don't know." she said, blinking. "I just…want to help. Someone. Somehow. That's all I ever wanted."
Bucky nodded, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. "Perhaps you can work in the medical bay, or a clinic in the city."
"I don't have the qualifications for that anymore." she said. Back during the war, it was about making do with what they had. But nowadays, people had degrees and licenses. She couldn't just go work in a hospital based on merit alone.
"Then we get you the qualifications." he said with a shrug. He had no doubt in her abilities; if anything, she would get bored with the classwork. "As a nurse, or a doctor, or whatever."
"You would be okay with that?" she asked. "Or, do you really think I could do it?"
"You can do anything you want." he said, as if it were obvious. "I want you to be happy. I want you to do something you want to do."
She smiled then, an unabashed expression of joy. He wondered how long she'd been sitting on this, how long she'd been steeling herself to ask. She put her beer down, carefully crawling over the porch swing until she could comfortably straddle him. Her forehead pressed against his, and he gently brushed his nose against hers. Her hands slid over his shoulders and up to his neck.
"You really think I can do anything I want?" she asked, her voice low and sultry. Like the hard core super soldier he was, he gulped audibly.
"Yea, I do." he said, barely able to keep his voice from cracking mid sentence. She grinned, but it was not a sexy grin. It was devious. Uh oh.
A blink later his beer was flying and he was ass-over-head tumbling off the porch swing. He reached out with both hands, remembering too late that he only had one, and had to twist his hips so he could keep rolling. Eventually he landed on his feet, but he had no time to waste before Luce was on him.
"Then I want to finally beat you!" she exclaimed. Her movements were still quick and efficient, his reactions barely enough to keep up with her, but her hits weren't ruthless, weren't deadly. This wasn't the fights that they had back in Hydra, when the scientists pit them against each other. No, this was for fun.
He caught her leg with the next kick, redirecting her momentum so that she spun. For a split second she was off balance, but with a rotation of her torso she was able to whip herself back where she needed to be. She threw hand after hand at him and he blocked every shot, but this was definitely more difficult with a single arm.
"You're cheating." he said, ducking out of the way and shoving at her knee as she aimed for him. She was playing with him, and if he was honest, it made him want to laugh. She wanted to touch, and to be touched. For most people that meant physical affection, but they weren't most people. Play wrestling was just something else for them to reclaim, something that other couples got to do that they could do now too.
"You turned down the arm." she said, wrapping her legs around his neck and trying to throw him to the ground. Unluckily for her, years of carrying around a massive metal arm made his obliques disrespectfully strong, and he was able to stay standing despite her efforts. He was also strong enough to grab one of her ankles and wrench it away, making her have to cartwheel out of it. Her eyes narrowed as she righted herself, and he could practically see the wheels turning.
"Careful. Smoke's gonna come out your ears soon." he said, because he could never leave well enough alone. Her eyes flashed, and she launched herself towards him again. It was getting progressively more difficult to keep up with her barrage of attacks, and a couple times his heart leapt as she nearly caught him in a hold. But she didn't look angry or afraid. It was just about the touch.
Finally, she left herself too open. It was a fraction of a moment, but he was too competitive to let it slide. He leaned to the side as she reached for him, grabbing her wrist and spinning her around twice. They ended with his arm around her neck, her back pressed to his chest. He didn't squeeze, didn't cut off her air flow or the blood to her brain, but they both knew that he could if she wanted. But Luce wasn't ready to give in yet.
"Choke me, daddy." she said, arching just slightly into him. Bucky let his arm slacken immediately.
"What-"
He didn't have time to ask. She took the moment of distraction, shifting her hips and throwing him over her shoulder so fast and hard that the air left his lungs when he hit the ground. His mind was still reeling - more from her comment than the throw - as she scrambled on top of him, effectively holding his arm and legs, pinning him. She looked entirely too pleased with herself, practically glowing with triumph.
"We should talk about those books you're reading." he deadpanned. She smiled, relaxing her hold and leaning forward to rest on his chest.
"They're quite illuminating." she said, still smiling. Both of them were struggling to catch their breath, and her added weight didn't exactly help, but he'd be damned if he moved her now.
"For the record, I don't think I could handle that sort of thing." he said. Even with his fractured brain he knew she'd been kidding, but he also knew that communication was vital for them.
"I'd never ask it of you." she agreed. The people in her books enjoyed different things, and she respected that. But after years of pain, both of them preferred things to be gentle. Well, she thought she did at least.
The trepidation that stayed stuck on her heart didn't seem to be holding as strong in that moment. She shifted slightly, their bodies fitting together in a way that did not speak of wrestling or fighting. Bucky sensed the difference and made himself grow still underneath her, his hand trailing ever so slightly up her leg to rest on her waist. She closed the distance between them, and when she kissed him, he still got the same feeling of coming home. No matter if he had his memories or not, her kiss would always mean that to him.
Her hands lightly grasped his shirt, pulling him with her as she sat up again. Their kiss didn't break as he folded his legs underneath him, giving her the perfect place to sit as everything grew a little more heated. Her hands tangled in his long hair and she pressed herself against his chest, relishing in the feel of his heart beating against hers. There were no thoughts of holidays, or her time in the lab. There was just them.
"I want you." she whispered, her lips slightly swollen around the words. Bucky's heart skipped a beat, and without saying a word he put his arm around her waist and pushed himself into standing. She clenched her legs around him, laughing with the awkward movement and holding on tightly as he walked with a purpose back inside.
He did not take her to the bedroom, instead stopping in the kitchen so that he could put her down and kiss her again, slowly, savoring every moment of it. She hugged his body against hers, leaning against the island in an effort to bring him even closer. He kissed her deeply, but there was a small barrier, a pause each time their lips moved. He was waiting for her to push him away.
She would not.
Her hands circled his waist, holding him in place as she kissed him hungrily. This was her Bucky, her everything, this was not the lab or the bunker or the men who stared at her like she was a toy. They had no power over her, not here, not anywhere, not ever again.
Maybe he sensed this change in her, or maybe he was just following her lead, but his hand dropped from her head to her waist, and despite only having one arm he was able to easily lift her up and plant her on the kitchen island. She opened her knees, the edges of her tunic riding up her thighs, and Bucky stepped between them, pressing their bodies together again. He kept his hand low on her back, his lips trailing from hers and going to her neck.
Ages ago, she'd hated the feel of his scruffy beard on her skin. But now she didn't mind it. It was something different, something that set apart the then and now. The tickles made goose bumps race down her arms and her spine, and she arched into him, her fingers tightening on his hips so that they were both leaving bruises. His hand started traveling, going over her arm and her hip, sliding up to her chest for a brief squeeze that sent a pleasurable jolt through her. She dug into the back of his legs with her heels, urging him to get closer, to give her a bit of pressure.
His hand went to her knee, slowly sliding up her thigh. He hesitated at the hem of her tunic, pausing his kisses and looking up to her.
"Yes?" he asked, one simple word that turned the area around her heart molten.
"Yes." she breathed. He did not move to take her top off, instead just sliding his hand underneath, feeling the soft skin of her waist and her ribs and her chest before returning down to the waistband of her leggings.
"Yes?" he asked again, his fingertips barely below the band.
"Yes." she replied, kicking off her shoes and shimmying her hips as he pulled down her leggings, easily taking them off even with just the one hand. She immediately went for the button of his pants, his desire obvious despite still being clothed, but he stayed her hand. Her breath caught at the look in his eye, the anticipation making her muscles twitch. He moved her closer to the edge of the counter, then knelt in front of her. Her legs spread easily, and he placed a scratchy kiss to her inner thigh.
"Yes?" he said, and it clicked what she was doing. Right, this. She remembered really liking this. She tugged her tunic up, letting it bunch around her hips. She could take it off, if she wanted. Or, if she wanted, she could keep it on. Afraid that removal of the clothing would do something in her brain again, she chose to keep it on. And he didn't fight her on it.
"Yes." she said, her own voice pitching lower. He slowly kissed up her thigh, giving her time to get used to it, or time to stop him if she wanted. But she let him continue until he found the apex, her lungs nearly bursting with her gasp as she remembered how sensitive everything was. Every move he made was gentle, delicate, giving her ample time to feel every touch, every shock. He settled into a steady motion, one that had her tangling her fingers in his hair and gripping the edge of the counter so hard that the granite strained. She could feel as her body settled, as all the little pieces that were left floating started realigning.
And then, he stopped.
"No!" she cried, immediately missing the feeling of his tongue against her. He seemed indifferent to her suffering, just giving her a devilish smirk that both excited and angered her. He pressed a searing kiss to her lips, and she decided to go with the excitement. Her hands went to the button of his pants again, and this time he didn't stop her as she loosened it. She could feel him straining against them, and he groaned deep in his throat as her hands ghosted over him and eventually set him free. He nearly choked as she stroked him, his surprise at the contact making his kisses stop. She had a mind to say turnabout's fair play, but the words died when he gripped her hip, his eyes boring into her.
"Yes?" he asked, brushing against her. She could feel how her body was ready, how his body was ready. She took a breath, waiting for the panic or the wall to fly into her.
But it didn't come.
"Yes." she breathed. He shifted her hips again and rested his forehead against hers as he slowly, achingly slowly, moved until they were joined. He kissed her cheek, her jaw, her neck, her lips, anywhere he could reach as he gave her time to acclimate and himself time to cool down a little. If she'd wanted to stay celibate the rest of their lives he would have been okay with it, but damn, did he also enjoy this.
"Yes?" he asked one more time, and for the first time in a long time the soldier side of him was completely off. Please say yes, please say yes-
"Yes." she whined, her hands on his shoulders and encouraging him to move. His first few movements were slow and careful, enticing and loving. His arm stayed around her, his face close to hers so he could see every micro expression, hear every catch in her breath and every moan that slipped between her lips. He upped his rhythm just slightly, nearly losing it as her eyes widened and her lips parted, her fingers digging into him in a way that said there would be bruises there later. That was fine; he didn't mind bruises if they came from making love to her.
He moved his hand to the space between them, his thumb finding the spot that he knew she would like. She mumbled her affirmations, a breathy stream of yesyesyes as he rubbed steady circles, making her clench and bite her lip. He upped the pace just a touch more, burying himself in her and thinking that if the world were to end right now, he would be perfectly fine with it. He rested his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes so that he wouldn't be overstimulated by the sight in front of him. Instead he listened as she encouraged him and felt as she inched closer and closer to her release, knowing that he needed to get her there soon if he was going to make it.
She squeezed his hips tight with her thighs as she came, one hand pulling his hair harder than she meant to as she fell silent. This was good. She'd forgotten how good this was. He worked her through her release then continued, unrelenting, until she rose and fell again. This was too much for him, and she held him close to her chest as his movements stuttered and changed as he tumbled over the edge right after her, both of them falling into the abyss.
They had trouble remembering a lot of things from the past seventy years. But somehow, their bodies always remembered this.
As the dust settled, he pulled his head back and laid a lingering kiss on her lips, his hand going to her cheek. Her skin was still warm from the exertion, a sheen of sweat barely there across her forehead and chest. She kissed him back, tugging on the collar of his shirt to keep him there for another, and another. He could feel his own sweat drip down his back, even if his breathing had returned to normal.
"I need to shower." he whispered. She nodded her agreement, her brows furrowing for a brief second when he separated them. He haphazardly pulled up his pants but didn't bother buttoning them, and she left her leggings on the floor where they'd fallen earlier. She didn't need them anymore.
Bucky turned on the water and undressed fully, trying not to feel overwhelmed by everything that had happened that night. He was used to life changes, could handle them as long as Luce was by his side. But that didn't mean he didn't have to debrief a little. A rustle of fabric behind him alerted him to her presence, and he watched with barely restrained awe as Luce finished undressing. He'd seen her naked before, of course. But she'd been more private since her third run in, and he'd respected that. The sight was still welcome.
"Sight for sore eyes." he said, the corner of his mouth lifting in a grin. Too late he wondered if the comment would make her freeze, or make her uncomfortable. But she only smiled in response.
"You need to catch up." she said, checking the temperature of the water before stepping inside. He hoped the steam was thick enough to hide him as he nearly tore his clothes off, his heart thumping in anticipation. He wasn't so naive as to think they would have another round of intimacy - he was just happy that she was comfortable enough to be like this with him again. When she was suffering, she wanted space, needed her own time to work things out. But he valued closeness of any kind, and in this moment he felt like a starved man finally allowed to sit at the table.
The water was warm and pleasant as he stepped in, the heat a soothing presence on his residual limb. Even with his enhanced healing it still ached sometimes, and he had a feeling it always would. Luce wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body against his so that they could both fit under the spray. The water was splashing right on his face and his backside was a little cold, but that didn't matter in the moment. All that mattered was that he was here with her in his arms, bare and vulnerable and close.
Reluctantly he pulled away, but only to reach for the soap. Her green eyes watched him as he slowly circled it over her entire body, occasionally pausing to press a kiss to the skin as he cleaned. He made sure to kiss each of her scars: the thin line between her ribs, the angry slash across her stomach, the marks at her elbows from the IVs. Each told a story, a reminder of what they'd been through, and how far they'd come - together. Her hand rested on his head or his shoulder as he worked, just to have a place to touch him.
It was hard to wash her hair with one hand, but he managed, carefully detangling the long, blonde strands. The side where they'd shaved her head had grown, and though it was an awkward length now that covered the scars from the implant on her head, he kissed it anyway. It didn't matter to him; she looked just as beautiful now as the first day he saw her, sitting outside that hospital tent in the moonlight.
When he finished, he held her close, letting the water wash over them. She sank into his embrace, and against him he could feel as her breaths became shallow, as her shoulders shook ever so slightly. She was trying so hard to hide the tears from him that he let the shower was them away without mention, just running his hand up and down her back until her emotions were spent. Feelings like that were hard to navigate, even now, but all that mattered was the love, and the support. The rest would sort itself out.
Minutes later, she pulled back with dry eyes and a warm smile. His girl. His Luce. Then, without a word, she washed the sins from him too.
Ah, sweet fluffy love! We love to see it.
Btw fam, both my grandparents have COVID, so as the only vaccinated/healthcare worker in the family I may have to take a couple weeks off to help. I'll do my best, but the situation is kind of day by day. You can always catch me on tumblr under the username whindsor!
Thank you so much for your reviews! They seriously make my world go round. Please let me know what you thought! What do you think Luce should do with her time now?
-XM
