WOW! whew... that chapter 300... I'll talk about it in the end notes, so don't read if you haven't caught up yet.
I even considered uploading this chapter a few days early, so I could fawn over the spoilers already on wednesday. But then I realized that I should probably wait for the official release...
But for now, let's talk about this story :D
I'm fairly certain I'll be able to upload the next chapter update on sunday. After that, I'm not sure, I have the time to prepare everything in time. I'll try, but might be I have to skip one week.
We're approaching the end of the 'therapy'-arc. There will be ONE MORE final therapy session. Next chapter, I can't wait to upload that.
However, this one first ^^ I hope you likei it.
The Most Stubborn Man
He didn't have time to ask Shoto — to find the words to phrase his nagging question. Before he could even scrape up the courage to bring it up, Shoto told him to wait. He sounded distracted, as if his father calling didn't bother him in the slightest. Then there was a different voice, too far away for Enji to understand a word. It was Rei, he assumed, though he couldn't be sure.
"Mom, you know… Yes, I'll ask." Shoto's words were not spoken into the phone and were transmitted almost unintelligibly for Enji. Then: "Mom asks you to come over." Shoto's voice sounded uncertain. "For dinner. Is that alright?"
…Dinner?
Rei wanted him to… Baffled, he nodded before he was able to find his voice again. "Yes, uh... Sure. When do you want me to come over?"
There was a pause in which any second Enji expected Shoto to reveal that it was a misunderstanding or a late April 1st joke. "Six? Is six okay with you?"
"Six is fine," he heard his answer, his brain not having caught up with the conversation yet. "See you then."
And that was how he ended up ringing the bell to Rei's new apartment. He only knew the address because in late January he had to send some papers over regarding Natsuo's education. Now, as he rang, he realized belatedly that she was still using his surname.
There was an electric buzz, and he pushed the door open before climbing up the stairs to Rei's new home. The door was already slightly ajar, but he knocked regardless, before pushing it open. Immediately, he had his hands full of Fuyumi, rushing him and hugging him as a greeting, almost tackling him to the ground.
"Dad, you're here! Shoto just told me five minutes ago that you'd come. I'd have brought kuzumochi if I'd known."
Slightly overwhelmed by her affection – though she was always the most openly affectionate with him – he patted her back.
It's okay," he said, thinking that it was probably a good thing she hadn't gone to the expense to bring kuzumochi – or Azumi's kuzumochi. He was so nervous it made him feel sick, and he didn't know if he could eat anything at all.
"Come in," he heard another voice from the inside. As he looked into the apartment, Rei leaned against the doorframe to the main room. She looked pale, a dark blue apron around her hips and torso and her hair held up by a messy bun. "You're a bit early," she added, after a moment of tense silence.
"Apologies," he said, pulling off his shoes. He knew he was early, but he'd feared he'd get lost on the way or stuck in traffic and he didn't want to risk coming too late. "Traffic was better than expected."
She acknowledged his words with a curt nod. Her grey eyes roamed over his figure and he found himself subconsciously hunching in, trying not to seem intimidating. He remembered the few meetings they had in the hospital, where she'd been easily intimidated by him.
"You look awful," she commented after a moment.
"It'll heal." He looked at the bandaged arm with a frown, but the short quirk of her lips indicated that that wasn't what she was talking about. Oh. "You look… good," he said lamely. She'd put on a few kilos since they'd last met. She wasn't fat, or even overweight, but whereas before she'd been slim, just teetering on the side of haggard, now she looked more healthy. It was clear in her face.
She let him into the living room. At first, he was surprised by how modern the interior design was, before remembering that the traditional design of his house had mostly been his doing, copying the style he remembered from his father's house. Rei would see no reason to replicate that. This modern style, he realized, was also different from her parents' house. Instead, the room looked sleek, clean, and somewhat minimalistic. A small isle separated a living and dining, and a kitchen area.
"It's not much," Rei said a bit sheepishly as she led him inside. Shoto stood behind the isle, handling the pots and pans with a concentrated frown. There was the distinct smell of burned fish in the room.
"I hope you're alright with just ramen," he said the moment Enji entered. Ramen was not on the diet plan the doctor had sent to him just a few hours after their meeting.
"Shoto burned the salmon," Fuyumi snickered as she entered the room after him.
Enji noticed how Rei watched him wearily from where she had stopped next to the table. He shook his head. "Ramen is fine." As he said it, Enji felt as if he was walking on eggshells. There was a precarious balance he wanted to keep here. With each word he said and each step he took, he seemed to be running at a risk of tipping it one way or the other.
The balance… He snorted. It was just like back then, when he was stuck under the rubble, balancing the debris. Thinking about it, Enji felt a headache blooming in his temples.
"What's so funny?" Fuyumi asked, surprised at his sudden show of amusement.
"Nothing." He went to the table and sat where Rei told him to. "Just… a memory."
"What—" Rei bit her lip and hurried to help Shoto in the kitchen area. Enji looked after her. He knew she'd been about to ask what memory he was thinking about, before pulling back and fleeing the situation.
Why had she even invited him if she couldn't even talk to him? It wasn't her fault, but why put herself through that if she couldn't handle it— if she was risking her health by just meeting him.
He shook his head. His headache got worse just thinking about it.
"How's your arm?" Fuyumi asked, roping him into a conversation.
They kept the topics light. He talked about his recovery. Then they talked about how she planned to spend her vacation with Azumi. She talked about going to Korea or maybe travelling within the country, to Osaka or Kyushu, before she went on about Azumi's café facing financial troubles. Beyond mentioning his injuries, they didn't once mention the attack— as if it was a topic to stay away from.
He'd called to talk to Shoto about his training, but now he couldn't even mention the topic. It didn't feel safe. Shoto's training wasn't something he felt comfortable to discuss within a mile radius around Rei.
"I'll take the psyche evaluation next week," he told Fuyumi, just as Shoto and Rei put four bowls of ramen down on the table.
"That sounds great," Rei said as she sat down opposite Fuyumi with Shoto taking the spot opposite Enji.
Surprised at her comment, Enji looked up at her. Not knowing what to say, he simply nodded.
"I'm sorry about this," Rei continued, waving at the bowls of ramen. "I wanted to prepare something else, but… I'm still relearning the recipes." She looked away embarrassed then.
"It's alright," Enji said with a shrug. He clamped his mouth shut when he registered Shoto glaring at him.
"Mom, it's great," he said. "It smells amazing."
Enji saw Rei blush as she turned back to quietly sip the broth. Shoto was patronizing her, Enji realized.
"It really does," Fuyumi joined in.
"Besides, I burned the salmon," Shoto added.
Then Rei had enough. "Thanks, now stop it already."
Enji ate quietly for the most part. He sipped the broth, grateful that it was easy on the stomach. By the time he had eaten most of the vegetables, his nerves had settled enough to eat the noodles too.
Fuyumi and Shoto kept the conversation running between themselves. It was the most awkward dinner he'd had in a while. It was also very simple. Both Fuyumi and Irina were better cooks than Rei…or Shoto, whichever one had done the cooking. Enji wasn't very hungry, but eating gave him something to do. When he asked for a second helping, all conversation ground to a halt and all three stared at him, as if they had forgotten he was there entirely, until Fuyumi jumped up to bring more ramen for both Enji and herself. It had already gone cold by then, but Enji didn't comment. Neither did Fuyumi, but Rei frowned when she realized that neither of their bowls were steaming anymore.
"I'm sorry," she muttered, pulling stray hairs out of her face. "This wasn't what I planned." She shook her head, putting her hands over her face.
"No Mom, this is great." Fuyumi said quickly.
Silently, Enji put his hand on his bowl and heated it up until it started steaming again. Then he glanced over at Fuyumi's, and heated hers up to.
Enji noticed neither Fuyumi's short sound of surprise, nor the confused look Shoto gave him before he continued eating.
"How did you do that?"
Enji looked up at Shoto, still chewing his noodles. "Do what?" he asked between bites.
"How did you heat up Fuyumi's bowl?" Shoto's mismatched eyes slipped to the bowl for a moment. Enji noticed both Rei and Fuyumi were also staring at it.
"What do you mean? I just heated it up. You can do that too." Enji was irritated. He could clearly remember Shoto doing the same to his food in the past. He was even more irritated when he saw Rei duck her head just a tiny bit with his tone. "I'm sorry," he added in her direction.
Shoto shook his head. "No. Not like that. You didn't touch it."
Enji's brows furrowed. "What do you mean I didn't touch—" His voice died then. Confused, he looked at Fuyumi's bowl. He hadn't… touched it? That couldn't be right.
"You didn't." That was Fuyumi's voice as she turned her eyes from her bowl to him. "I didn't know you could do that without touching."
"I can't," he agreed. Then he shook his head. "I mean… I don't know."
There may be things you can do now that you couldn't do before. You have forty years of experience with your quirk, and you may think that you know all there is to know about it. That may not be true.
Ootsu's words were ringing in his ears. No, that couldn't be right. It ought to have been a fluke.
"You don't know?" Shoto asked, sounding doubtful. When Enji didn't answer Shoto huffed and turned back to his bowl.
Enji looked at his glass of water. Had he really heated up Fuyumi's ramen without touching it? Could he do it again? He concentrated on his water. With a slight frown, he touched the glass. It felt cool. Of course it didn't work like that… But – he looked back at Fuyumi's bowl – he hadn't touched it.
"What did you want to talk about?" Shoto pulled Enji back out of his thoughts.
"Hm?"
"You called me to talk about something."
"Oh, yes…" Enji glanced at Rei. "Maybe we can talk later." He was distracted shortly by Fuyumi. She shifted on her chair, glancing over at him. "There's something I need your help with, but… maybe after dinner?"
Shoto shrugged as if it didn't matter to him.
"I saw you in the hospital," Rei said then, in a questioning tone.
"Mom?" Apparently, Rei hadn't told Fuyumi about it. "I told you, they kept him there for almost two weeks. After the attack." She added the last bit in a small voice as if she didn't want to talk about it.
"No, I mean… last week." Rei looked at him.
"I didn't see you," Enji said. Had he made a mistake? Of course, he hadn't thought about this, but despite being released from the closed psychiatric ward, Rei still went to Tanaka for therapy. Tanaka had even mentioned this during their first meeting, and Enji had just brushed it off. Was it selfish of him to go to the same hospital, with even the same doctor? Was he inserting himself into Rei's safe space?
"No, you wouldn't have. I was in the cafeteria. I just saw you come through the corridor. You're hard to miss."
Enji nodded. Should he apologize for that? The unexpected reminder that she still had to be treated for the consequences of his actions put him at a loss for words.
"Oh, were you there to change your bandages?" Fuyumi asked when Enji didn't say anything else. "You got rid of the cast and the crutches already."
Enji looked at her, his mind needing a moment to catch up. Right, the crutches. The last time he had seen her when she visited him last week on Tuesday, he'd still been using the crutches for moving around the house. "No," Enji replied.
"No," Rei said at the same time. "Not for the bandages."
Enji's eyes narrowed a little. "Did Tanaka tell you?" He asked, feeling a little betrayed. There was no real harm in Rei knowing, he reasoned, but surely Tanaka would have told him before sharing this information with Rei. At least, Tanaka was always adamant about not sharing any information about Rei with Enji.
"Tell her what?" Shoto asked curiously.
"No, of course not," Rei gave him a knowing look. "But I know that hospital pretty well by now and you didn't come from orthopedics or even physiotherapy." She smiled. "And now you've given yourself away."
Enji stared at her. Right. The physiotherapy department was right at the other side of the building and if he'd come from orthopedics, he wouldn't have even passed the cafeteria. He hung his head, feeling suddenly ashamed.
"I think that's great," Rei said.
He doubted that. What was great about that? The former number one hero, Endeavor, needing psychotherapy…
"What are you talking about?" Shoto asked both his parents. Fuyumi also seemed to share his curiosity.
Now that the cat was out of the bag, there was no point keeping it a secret anymore. "I've asked Tanaka for help," Enji said, "Rei's psychiatrist. I'm meeting her twice a week." He hunched in as he said it, expecting scorn, ridicule or… well, considering that this was Shoto and Fuyumi and not Natsuo or – god forbid – Touya, awkward silence was more likely, he guessed.
Shoto coughed audibly, failing to mask his surprise.
"That's great!" Fuyumi cried out. "Amazing! I thought it…" she cut herself off, shaking her head. "Does it help?"
He hadn't expected that reaction. Maybe he should have, he reasoned. This was Fuyumi. Fuyumi who was an angel in disguise and the best influence in his life. He glanced at Shoto, but he saw no ridicule there either.
"I'm not sure," he admitted feeling awkward. "It's confusing."
"What did she say?" Fuyumi asked, curious. "I mean, if you want to tell…" But from the tone of her voice, he figured if he didn't tell, she'd be disappointed.
Enji thought for a moment what he wanted to tell them – if anything. Then, the words came easily, just slipped out.
"Apparently I have PTSD."
The sentence hung in the air for a moment. He had just thrown it into the room, and now it seemed like nobody knew what to do with it. Again, Enji felt shame and embarrassment, but it was also oddly freeing to share this information. Like he had just waited to say it, to unburden himself to somebody who would care. And after their reaction to the information that he was seeing a psychiatrist, he knew that they would. This was Fuyumi and Shoto; he knew they cared. Rei too, he guessed, maybe. At least a little.
Well… In for a penny. "And symptoms of depression," he added quickly, waiting for a reaction.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Shoto breathed in audibly. "You have PTSD?" he asked in a tone as if he couldn't believe it.
Yeah, Enji had reacted the same way. It seemed absurd.
"And… depression," Fuyumi added.
"I'm not depressed," Enji scoffed. "Just… symptoms."
"Symptoms of depression, then," Shoto said, and apparently that was all either of them had to say about it, because they both lapsed into silence.
They finished their dinner quietly. While Shoto took away the dishes, Fuyumi kept checking the clock. Enji thought about excusing himself. He hadn't got to talk to Shoto about his quirk yet, but this wasn't the right environment to do so, with Rei so close by. He could wait till Saturday to talk to Shoto.
He just stood up from his chair when Fuyumi jumped up from her seat. "Wait, wait! I want to show you something." She grabbed onto Enji's arm. "Just… you have time, right? You can stay another hour?"
Confused, Enji glanced at Rei, who made a gesture halfway between a nod and a shrug.
"It's just… please?" Fuyumi begged. Hurriedly, she checked her watch again.
He had noticed before that Fuyumi had been a bit giddy and impatient and repeatedly checking her watch before. What was she waiting for? As he had nothing else planned for the night, he sat back down.
"What is it?"
Fuyumi laughed, embarrassed. "Honestly, I don't know for sure. Just… Yuri's father called to tell me to… Oh, oh!" She looked at the watch and then jumped up and ran to the TV hanging from the wall. Enji turned to follow her with his eyes. "It's time!"
She turned the TV on, zapped through the channels until…
Enji groaned when the well-known jingle started. It was the intro to a nationally broadcasted show. The format of the show was somewhere between a halfway serious news channel, political debate panel, and the typical tacky talk show. "Do we have to watch that?" he asked, incredulously. Ever since Natsuo's diary was made public, they were prime among the group of shows that just couldn't leave him alone. They'd been fairly objective, at least, not lowering themselves to inventing slanderous stories about him, but the fact that what they'd talked about was mostly true, if somewhat exaggerated, had made it even harder for Enji to watch it. He'd developed a particular allergy against their intro tune.
After he had lost his license, the show had slowly lost interest in him, but he had no illusions. He knew that ever since the Yaku Insurance Massacre, Endeavor and the question of whether he should have done more had become prime time TV again.
Then again… He glanced at Rei and Shoto. If that was their way to torture him with the vile things he'd done to them, that was their right, he guessed.
"Just watch," Fuyumi told him, sitting down at the only couch in the room, remote in hand.
Tired, but somewhat resigned, he surrendered to her demands.
"Endeavor: Hero or Villain?" the presenter called out the topic. "Today, we have a few very exciting guests. Aomoto Chizu is our liaison to the Hero Commission," he paused for a short round of applause. "We have Suzuki Tooru, from the Osaka institute for Mental Health, and a few young surprise guests. Zakharov Nikolae, his son Yuri, and friend Izumo. Welcome!"
"Yuri?" Enji asked, feeling somewhat faint. "And Izumo?" He glared at Fuyumi, feeling inexplicably angry. "You knew about this?"
"Yuri mentioned it on the last day of school. I didn't know if it would work out, but then his father messaged me about it."
"I don't want to see this," Enji grunted.
Yuri's father had thanked him for saving his son, but Enji didn't know what he did on this panel. He knew how these panels went. They rarely had anything positive to say about him. He had seen former elementary school teachers, neighbors, and people he had apparently saved in the past all come on national TV to spread some story or another about him, some of them pure fabrication. He didn't think Yuri, Izumo or Yuri's father would slander him that way, unless they underwent a massive shift in perspective in those last weeks since Enji had last seen them… but he feared how the media would twist their stories. Izumo and Yuri might think he saved them, but Enji himself could only think about how he had failed them. He had been too slow to get to Izumo. The boy was traumatized— he'd even blamed himself for what had happened. Enji could have fought the Noumu and helped Gang Orca and Edgeshot, but instead Enji had stayed away from the villains. Even if Izumo and Yuri didn't see it, the public would realize how much Enji had failed.
"Just watch…" Fuyumi muttered. "Come."
Enji's brows furrowed, but he was already resigned anyway, so he followed her invitation and sat down on the couch next to her.
The next few minutes the presenter spent to introduce the other two panel members, Aomoto and Suzuki. Enji already knew both well enough. Aomoto was a lawyer working for the Commission, and she'd been part of the team to first investigate Enji after Natsuo's diary had become public. She'd also been part of the panel ultimately deciding to take his license. Suzuki was on TV quite regularly whenever heroes were concerned. Apparently, he was a famous psychologist who had treated many a great hero. Enji had never met him himself, nor did he know about any high ranking heroes he had treated.
"Now, Zakharov, your son and his classmates were actually involved in the villain attack on Musutafu four weeks ago." The presenter looked from Yuri's father to the other adults on the couch as if he was sharing an interesting story more so than a traumatic event. "You told us your son's class was on a trip to the National History Museum when the attack happened on March 4th, correct?" He barely waited for the slight nod from Yuri's father. "As you may know," the presenter turned to the camera, "the museum went down completely during the attack. However, miraculously, unlike with the Yaku Insurance building, which collapsed fifteen minutes earlier, today we know that not a single person died in the collapse of the museum."
"It wasn't miraculously," Yuri yelled out, despite not being asked a question. He sat perched on the edge of the couch as if he was just waiting to say his part.
"Now, now, let's wait and do this one step at a time," the presenter said with a kind smile.
"But it wasn't!" Yuri insisted. "Endeavor saved us."
There was a bit of polite laughter from Suzuki as if he thought Yuri was making a joke or exaggerating something he had seen or maybe imagined himself.
"Well, alright. If you are so eager to tell your story, how about we start from the beginning?" the presenter asked.
"Yes!" Yuri cried out, nodding his head vigorously. At that moment finally, his father put his hand on his shoulder and told him to be quiet for a moment.
The presenter smiled gratefully. "Now, I guess there's no point beating around the bush. We've been talking about Todoroki Enji's part —"
"Endeavor!" Yuri interrupted loudly.
"—formerly known as the hero Endeavor – in the recent Yaku Insurance Massacre. It's now common knowledge that Todoroki was present during the attack. The Hero Commission and police have long since acknowledged that Todoroki helped in the evacuation of the National History Museum." He looked at Aomoto, waiting for a confirming nod. "Now, while this was what we were told from official sources, Todoroki's exact actions during the attack – beyond the fact that he didn't engage the villains known as Noumu – are so far unknown. This is where our young guests today come in. First, before you tell us about what happened, I want to express my sincere sympathy for what you had to endure. We heard Izumo in particular was injured during the attack?"
Yuri seemed annoyed that they wanted to talk about Izumo first. "Yeah," he muttered, glancing at his friend. "He broke his leg. It was real bad, he couldn't even go to school for a few days."
"It's fine now," Izumo mumbled, barely audible. He put his hand on his knee. "I have physoceropy."
"Physiotherapy," Yuri's dad supplied. He then proceeded to take over the conversation. "My son came away from the attack – thankfully unharmed – but the same can't be said for all of his classmates. Izumo here was the worst of all. As far as I know, the recovery is going well. However, much more concerning is the psychological impact. I'm myself surprised how well Yuri took the incident, but quite a few of their classmates are understandably still undergoing treatment. I know of at least five of the children that they saw... with their own eyes: people… in the Yaku Insurance…" he glanced at Izumo and Yuri, obviously unable to say 'fall to their deaths' in front of the children.
"You can say it," Izumo said in a flat tone.
But nobody said it.
"I see," Suzuki said, looking thoughtful and sad. "It was a tragedy that nobody – least of all a child – should have gone through."
"It was," Yuri's father said, looking distraught just thinking about what his son had survived. Then he coughed. "If I'm honest, when my son first asked me to come here, I was very skeptical. I—I feel… I'm not sure what the right thing to do was, whether I should have ignored his pleas. But talking about this is understandably important to him. Izumo too, expressed his wishes to come here. So, Izumo's parents, my wife and myself, we decided to try this… uhm…" he seemed somewhat lost. Enji noted how he absentmindedly stroked reassuring circles on Yuri's back, and had his other hand on Izumo's shoulder.
"I myself wasn't there, so I think I should just let the boys do the talking."
"Certainly," the presenter said, turning to Yuri and Izumo finally. Now that it was finally his time to talk, Yuri seemed suddenly nervous. His eyes shifted to the camera, and he bounced giddily up and down on the couch. Izumo was much calmer. His eyes tracked the camera for a few seconds before he turned back to the presenter, ignoring the cameras entirely. It was unnerving how calm he was.
A sound next to him distracted Enji. Fuyumi had hiccupped. As he turned to her, he could see silent tears. "He barely speaks anymore," Fuyumi says. "I don't know what to do. He was always outspoken. Shy with his classmates, but when he talked to adults, he could go on for hours. Smart, funny… Now, he's afraid of his own shadow."
I should have been faster.
Enji didn't apologize. He knew she'd reject it.
"Can you explain what happened that day?" the presenter asked, keeping the question purposefully open to leave the children with total freedom on where to start and what exactly to tell.
Izumo looked to Yuri as if waiting for the other boy to talk. When Yuri was still distracted by the camera and his own nerves, he started himself. His voice trembled. "We were on a class tri— a class trip. Endeavor was with us. Uhm… He saved us… He saved me. We w-we were stuck in the ru-ubble f-for hours-s, and…" At that point his last words were completely unintelligible.
"Well done," the presenter applauded, despite Izumo barely being able to force out his strongly abbreviated story. "Maybe it would be easier if you started from the beginning. How did Todoroki get to be with you?"
"Endeavor!" It seemed absurd, but apparently that had pulled Yuri out of his nervousness. Izumo seemed relieved that the boy was talking now.
"Our teacher, Todoroki-sensei, she's his daughter! So she asked her dad to come with us, and her dad's Endeavor. So, Endeavor came with us on the trip." He said it as if it was the most natural but also the coolest thing ever. As if it was common sense that Endeavor was their teacher's father and would thus come on the trip. But that it was also really cool because it was Endeavor.
"I got to show him my quirk. And he helped me learn to control it, so I won't hurt anybody!" He waved with his hands in front of the presenter. The shiny gloves made of shadows were much more well done now. Tobio must have practiced a lot. "Look! That helps me control it!" Of course, nobody on the couch apart from Izumo and Yuri's own father knew anything about what he was talking about. They all looked clueless, but feigned mild smiles. Suzuki even congratulated Yuri for his achievement. "And then he pushed the alarm."
"Who pushed the alarm?" the presenter asked.
"Endeavor did! He knew it before it even happened, 'cause he's so cool!" Yuri grinned. "And then everybody panicked, and I was really afraid, because of my quirk." Again, he didn't go through the effort to explain his quirk, expecting everybody to just know that it was very dangerous. "But he stayed really calm. And he told me that he'd save me, and then he carried me out of the museum. We were falling! Like, almost falling, but then he used his quirk and whooshed us to the ground. He carried all of us out of the building, and Todoroki-sensei, too." He gestured wildly as he spoke. Then he pointed at Izumo. "But Izumo was on the toilet, and Maki – our classmate – she ran off to find him, so Endeavor had to go back to save them. And then…" he frowned. "I don't know. Todoroki-sensei and a police officer shoved us away to City Hall, and we stayed there for hours until we could go home."
"That must have been frightening," Aomoto commented. She was trying to look sympathetic, but her strictly tied back hair and haggard face gave her a rather humorless and unsympathetic look.
"U-huh," Yuri nodded, glancing at her as if he was afraid of her. "But I knew everything would be okay, 'cause Endeavor would find Izumo and Maki."
"He did," Izumo said in a silent whisper just as the presenter was about to say something. The presenter snapped his mouth shut at once. "But then the building..." The microphones only barely picked up his voice. "I broke my leg… and Maki broke her arm… And Endeavor…" He shook his head, paling visibly. "We were stuck there for hours. For the entire day. And overnight. I thought we would die… I thought any moment everything would collapse." He shivered visibly. "But he saved us."
"For a day?" the presenter asked, confused. "Surely…"
"It was a day!" Izumo confirmed louder now, as if he was angry.
The presenter looked over at Aomoto from the Hero Commission doubtfully. The lawyer just gave a half-hearted shrug. "From what we know," she stated, "it's true. The emergency services found all three around noon the next day."
Izumo slung his arms around himself. Yuri leaned over to tightly hug the boy, but Izumo only stiffened, not seeming to feel much better with the gesture.
"I'm here because…" Izumo mumbled, audibly pulling himself together to lend his voice the necessary strength to be heard. "Because you're unfair."
Suzuki seemed to think he had misheard. "What do you mean?"
"You're unfair." Izumo said louder this time. "My parents watch this show all the time, and you just… you just tell whatever you want!"
The presenter shook his head. "I don't understand," he said. "We're always trying to be objective."
"But you're not!" Izumo exclaimed. This time, his voice carried even above that of the presenter. "You're not objective, you're just telling the people what they want to hear. Endeavor saved me! But you keep saying he didn't do enough! Or that he's…" His angry voice broke. He gestures frustrated and then continued, just as loud, but with a scratchy voice. "You act like he's a villain when he saved my life! You know nothing. If you were there! If you saw it! You wouldn't say that!" He was screaming now. "Every day – Every, every, every day you talk about how 'Endeavor should have done this or that' 'Endeavor is bad because for what he did to his family' 'Endeavor can't be a hero!' You're wrong! Maki and I, we—" His voice broke there, and he started crying. "We were trying to get out. But they wouldn't let us through. There were so many people, and they pushed and shoved us back, and one even kicked Maki. Nobody cared! But he came back! He could've saved himself, but he didn't!"
Aomoto put a kind hand on his head, as if that would calm the crying boy. "That's what heroes do," she said in a pleasant tone.
"Then why did you take his license?" Yuri yelled out.
Enji had never seen Aomoto lose her countenance like that. Her strict seriousness shifted to slack-jawed surprise as she was called out on her mistake. "I…I mean—" she stammered, but she didn't finish the sentence.
"It's not that easy," Suzuki tried to help her. "After what he did to his family… You know what he did to his family?" He asked, as if to make sure.
"Of course we know," Yuri scoffed as if the question was stupid. "Todoroki-sensei is his daughter, she told us all about it." Enji doubted that was true, but it was enough to silence Suzuki. Yuri's argument was indeed quite compelling. Being Fuyumi's students, they had more of a direct connection to the entire family drama than any of the other adults on the panel who had slaved over the lines in Natsuo's six-year-old diary, but had never actually talked to the boy or any of Enji's other children. "Todoroki-sensei forgave him! She even invited him to come with us on the trip, and she wouldn't do that if he was evil." Angry tears stood in his eyes. "If Sensei can forgive him, why can't you? What did he ever do to you!?"
There was only stunned silence after his words. After a long moment, the presenter coughed awkwardly. "What the kids said... What can you say about that?" he asked, looking at Aomoto as if begging for help. Maybe hoping she would deny it and give him plausible deniability.
"It's true, as far as we know," Aomoto said bluntly, her expression back under control. She looked tight-lipped and a bit angry as she admitted it.
"Why weren't we informed?" Suzuki asked, his voice irritated.
Aomoto gave a curt shrug. "We saw fit to keep the details hidden… to avoid copycats."
"Copycats?" The presenter asked, almost coughing out the word in surprise.
"What Todoroki did during the Yaku Insurance Massacre is, while not technically illegal, is within a rather problematic legal grey zone."
"A problematic legal grey zone…" Yuri's father repeated, disbelieving.
"Can you explain the legality of his actions?" the presenter asked, both curious and visibly relieved that he had an excuse to have the conversation move further away from the children. Izumo was still crying and sniffled quietly, though Yuri had calmed down enough to watch the conversation like a hawk, waiting for his chance to butt in again.
Aomoto coughed slightly. "To keep this as short as possible: for a civilian – and losing his license means during the attack, Todoroki did operate as a civilian – it is not technically illegal to use their quirk. However, they are liable for any damage they cause with it. Especially if they use their quirks purposefully.
"There are certain other things relating to quirks that can lead to liability or even criminal lawsuits, but that doesn't pertain to this case. As for Todoroki, that means that – yes, he did evacuate his daughter's third graders, by flying them down from the eighth floor of the National History Museum using his quirk. He did that, as far as we can say now within five separate flights. However, if he had slipped, had let go of any of the children, or hurt them with his flames, it's important to understand that he would have been held accountable for any injury caused by his actions." He took in a breath before continuing.
"The same goes if he had injured any of the villains. As a civilian without a license, he is not entitled to use his quirk risking damage neither to other civilians, nor property. Not even villains. Of course, Todoroki, being a highly trained former hero, did not cause any damage to life, health or property – at least none that would matter today. Even the one time he was engaged by a villain Noumu, he didn't actively use his quirk against it."
She paused, waiting for some acknowledgement from the other adults on the panel.
"You mentioned you didn't want copycats. Can you elaborate on that?"
"Certainly," she nodded, though she was clearly not happy that the conversation had come back to that topic. "As I think I made clear, for civilians in a villain attack, it is legally possible to operate within a very narrow corset of restrictions. If you don't cause any damage, as long as you injure nobody, as long you don't hinder heroes, police, or other emergency services in their work, nor the evacuation process, as long as you don't force a hero to endanger themselves for you… it is technically legally possible for any civilian to help in a villain attack.
"In most cases, we do not want this, because it almost always goes wrong. Nine out of ten times a civilian trying to do good during an attack is actively making it more difficult for the heroes. Here, we have a very rare case of a civilian knowing – of course – exactly what he's doing, doing everything correct, and being in fact a net-positive during the incident. But we don't want other civilians to take this as an example. There's a very narrow line between what Todoroki did and vigilantism. During the Yaku Insurance Massacre, Todoroki toed that line, but he knows exactly where the line is, and he knew not to pass it. Most civilians won't be able to make this distinction correctly."
Suzuki nodded in understanding. "You want to avoid an increase in vigilante activity," he summarized laconicly. "I can only agree to what you say. While I am not an expert on the legality of Todoroki's actions, I have worked with many a hero having to deal with overzealous civilians. This often has massive negative repercussions on the heroes' work and at times, sadly, even their mental states."
"I didn't think about that at all," Enji muttered to Fuyumi. He leaned back a little, now that the conversation droned on about other things pertaining to the attack. While Yuri was still waiting for his chance to defend Enji again, Enji thought he had heard enough. He stared at the ceiling.
"Thanks," he muttered, raking his fingers through his hair. "Thank you, Fuyumi."
She turned toward him. There were silent tears in her eyes. "It had to be said." She shook her head. "That was disgusting. I mean… after… when everything got out at first, that was bad enough, but at least there was a good reason for the outrage. Now, however… You saved them, and they were ready to crucify you over it all over again."
Enji hummed a little in acknowledgement. That would make it easier, he thought. If by the time he got his license back, the country wouldn't hate him anymore. At least, not as badly as they did now.
He looked back up when finally, Yuri got the word again. It was only to say his goodbyes, as it was getting too late for him and Izumo to be on TV. Still Yuri used it to give Enji one final piece of support.
"I don't care if he has his license or not. Endeavor is the greatest hero! You just can't see it," he declared pridefully. Izumo barely said a word of farewell. Finally, Yuri's father had the last word.
"I agree with my son," he said, looking somewhat sheepish as he said it, as if he felt a bit embarrassed to have a nine-year-old speak for him. "Todoroki Enji – Endeavor – saved my son's life. He did more than that. He helped my son with his quirk, and he got badly injured protecting his classmates. His daughter is my son's teacher. She's a wonderful, kind woman, and Yuri likes her a lot. When we found about the abuse…" he shook his head. "I admit, when they took his license, I felt relieved. But now, I owe this man my son's life."
Fuyumi turned the TV off when the three left the stage. Enji was still stunned when the screen switched to black. Yuri's father had thanked him before… but not like that. He put his face in his hands, massaging his temples, trying to make sense of it all.
He realized then that everybody was looking at him. Fuyumi was next to him of course, but even Shoto and Rei were still sitting around the table.
"Shoto?" he asked, forgetting entirely that he had decided not to do this with Rei as close-by. "How's your training going? Any success with Flashfire?" He didn't turn to watch Rei's reaction, to see if she flinched and froze or if she looked to flee the room. At least, he didn't hear her react.
"My training?" Shoto asked, his tone both serious and a little baffled at the sudden question. "Gang Orca is still comatose, and the holidays started..." He argued weakly. "And you said you wouldn't train me." His tone shifted defensively.
"Yes, I know," Enji said, standing to finally turn to his son. "I didn't ask to check on your progress," he tried to reassure. His gaze shortly flitted towards Rei, who sat somewhat stiffly, but otherwise still seemed well in control of her situation. "I was hoping you could give me a pointer."
Shoto's brows shot up in surprise. "A pointer? Like…" He shook his head.
"I hoped maybe you would have found a different way to do it." He shoved his hands into his pockets.
"A different way?" Shoto echoed. "You haven't really taught me your way yet."
"Apparently, my way is no good," Enji said. "So, don't bother. It seems I need to relearn some things."
Shoto nodded, but he still looked as if this situation was utterly baffling to him. "And you want my help for it?"
Enji shrugged. "Your quirk is similar to mine. At least our fire half is, I mean. I had hoped…"
"That's why you called," Shoto finally understood. "You wanted to ask me…for help…to relearn Flashfire." There was both amusement and disbelief in his voice.
Rei and Fuyumi stayed utterly silent.
"Okay, sure," Shoto said after a beat of silence. "What exactly do you need?"
Relieved, Enji's shoulders sacked a little. "I need a new fuel." At Shoto's questioningly raised eyebrows, he elaborated. "To make it short, I used to use my anger to fuel my quirk. Now I can't do that anymore, so I need something else."
Shoto's brows furrowed in thought as he considered it. "Anything else? Like some other emotion?" Enji shook his head. "I don't know. I can't help. I mean… I guess I understand, but for me, it was never really that…"
Enji's eyes widened. "What was it for you, what did you use…?"
"I mean, at first, maybe. Anger at you… but that was never enough… Until I fought Midoriya. He made me use my quirk. I felt… free, then… relieved. There'd been nothing else in my head. I forgot about my anger and my hatred, I forgot you and what had happened… and I just wanted to win, wanted to prove myself." He looked at Enji. "Yeah, that was it. Of course, it was untrained and wild, but that – if anything – was what first fueled my flames."
Enji nodded, but he again felt despair. Freedom… he felt no overwhelming sense of freedom that could fuel his flames. And the will to win? Didn't he always have that? Wasn't that the root cause of his evil?
"I don't know if that helped," Shoto added after a moment. "That's just for me… I mean, for you, could that work?"
Enji shook his head. "Maybe," he said. But he knew that even if it could work, he didn't want this. He didn't want to go back there. He didn't need to be the strongest. He needed to atone, needed to save people, needed to protect, needed to ensure the future for the young generation… "I'm not sure… I don't really want to just… win anymore."
Shoto looked at him with huge eyes.
"What do you want, then?"
Enji shrugged, thinking his declaration to save people might sound childish. "To be a hero you can be proud of," he said, somewhat embarrassed. His tone was casual— almost dismissive, as if it was a joke, but he meant it. It was even more childish than to just say that he wanted to save people.
"And that's not enough?" Shoto asked, helplessly trying to find some sort of solution for Enji's problem.
Enji shrugged. "It's just wishful thinking, isn't it? Nothing in particular, nothing to draw strength from."
"Why not?"
Enji almost jumped in surprise when Fuyumi's voice came from behind him. He turned to glance at her.
"Why shouldn't it be something to draw strength from, Dad? Surely, if you want it, really want it, you can draw strength from it." She smiled a little. "You're the most stubborn man I know."
Stubborn? Was he?
Hui! And now SPOILER WARNINGS for Chapter 300
This chapter broke my heart!
First and foremost, I really wanted to say, that throughout this entire arc, I've realized that writing this fanfiction gave me a sort of insight into the characters, that I wasn't expecting. I remember back then, when EA happened, and Natsuo was taken hostage. Endeavor hesitated to safe Natsuo, because he feared that Natsuo would feel conflicted about that and avoid Endeavor afterwards. At that point in my fanfic I already wrote Natsuo's kidnapping, and Natsuo felt conflicted about Enji saving him and thus avoided him. I remember I felt super proud then, because we didn't know much about Natsuo at all, but I apparently interpreted his character right. I also remember writing that Enji couldn't look Natsuo in the eye after Touya's death, before we learned in the manga how Natsuo was affected by that. I remember Dabi dancing on the battlefield... Normally, I don't like to brag about 'predicting stuff' because I never really went and tried to predict stuff. I just wrote what I thought made sense for how I imagined the characters.
I mention this now, because up until last week, I had to FIGHT people over how Rei would react to the Touya reveal. So many people wanted to tell me that Rei would suffer a total melt down and set back. All her progress would be lost. I always argued against that. I thought, she'd pull strength from it, use it as a catalyst to finally get out of hospital and to give Enji a kick in his ass. I was really worrie in all these discussions, because the people I talked to were just so CONVINCED. So I worried if it's just my opinion, because I'm thinking about my own fanfiction. And NOW here she is, Rei, coming in like superhero, hair flying, to give her husband (I hope) a well-meant kick in his ass to move on. I don't get 'divorce'-vibes, here, tbh. But still...
So, that's I guess the reason I started with this ramble. Because I realized that this fanfic really made me help understand the characters. Makes me really proud, because I never wanted to predict stuff. I straight up invented alot of stuff, came up with new things, wrote a different plot, and ignored part of the manga entirely. But I always wanted to write the characters as close to canon as possible. sure these are all my fanon versions of them - but I'm incredibly proud whenever the canon-characters act the same way, so I know, that I've hit the characters right!
Now also.. my heart is breaking for Endeavor. (Endeavor crying in hospital is already a classic for me, but it always hurts!) This is so difficult for him. I hate the public for putting all that pressure and responsibility on him. He's still groggy from anesthetics, just woke up from surgery... And he already has to deal wih this mess.
That said, I couldn't wait for this moment. This is his breaking point, now we'll see not only what he's made of, but also what the entire family is made of. I'm arguing from Endeavor's perspective, because chapter focus was on him, but of course it wasn'T only hard for Enji. But for him... It's been so hard trying to atone, trying to be a better person. I try to explain this again and again (And I'm frustrated with all the fans who refuse to see it), Endeavor crying is not a giant moment of self-pity finally feeling the consequences. Endeavor's been feeling these consequences ever since Touya's 'death'. He's been accepting these consequences ever since Remidial course arc. He's been fighting them since Pro-hero arc... But he's been doing it alone. It's hard to try and atone for things you do, if you don'T receive support for that. And of course he has no right to that support - after what he did to his family - but that doesn't mean it's not still hard to go alone. Natsuo is telling him straight up, that him changing is too late, and doesn't matter. Shoto - although tentatively hopeful - isn't making it easy either. Rei in hospital, can't talk to him and can't support him, even if she is acknowledging his change. The only support he has is Fuyumi, and he's been incredibly thankful to her. BUT then he pushed her away. Has dreams about how he can only atone by isolating himself. ANd that's what he does. That's hard. To atone for your crimes, without knowing if it will ever matter...not knowing if being better migt actually be harmful and wrong... And then Touya tells him that all his efforts don't matter, that the past doesn't forget, that all the effort is for nothing! No wonder, he's giving up...This is not Endeavor being suddenly hit by the consequences-he knew about the consequences before. No, this is Endeavor being hit by them like a train and thinking that maybe all he does doesnt matter, that he should just give up. And I really hope, the family can come and tell him different. Sure, they won't be kind bout it (necessarily). He needs a kick in the ass.. But he needs them to tell him, that it does matter what he does from here on out!
At this point, it's difficult to predict what' gonna happen. Will Endeavor step down? I hope Rei can give him the drive to continue.
