Starting with this chapter, Lincoln is now in middle school, Lori's in college, and Lily's in preschool. I'm not sure what's in store for Lori yet, but we'll find out. Here's the next chapter. A parody of the episode with the same title. Please read and leave a review.


Lincoln is at Royal Woods Middle School, walking down the hall.

"I've been enjoying my time here at middle school." Lincoln said to the viewers. "I mean, I'm not in the same class as my friends and I have to put up with Chandler, but there are some good things about middle school."

"Hey, walk faster! Keep it moving, people!" Lynn Jr. ordered some students.

"Oh yeah. There's also my sister Lynn as the hall monitor." Lincoln mentioned. "I know she's just doing her job but she can be a real pain in the neck at it."

"Hey Stinkoln!"

"I know, Lynn. I'm getting to class."

"No, I've got a sports meeting to attend so I want you to take over as hall monitor for today."

"Me? You choose me?"

"Yeah. You've seen me do this job more than anyone else."

"I don't know if I'm the best candidate."

"Come on Stinkoln, it's just for one day."

"Well, maybe I could-"

Lynn gave Lincoln her siren hat. "Thanks bro, don't let me down! I'll see ya later!"

Lincoln watched Lynn run off before staring at the siren hat. "Hmm...maybe I'd make a great hall monitor."


"Quiet chuckleheads! Lincoln's got something important to announce!" Mr. Bolhofner stated. Lincoln already told his homeroom teacher the news and was excited to tell the rest of the class.

"I, Lincoln Loud, am hall monitor for the day! I'm ready to assume my position... in the hall! I will protect all that are weak... in the hall! All rules will be enforced... in the hall!"

"Okay!" Bolhofner said irritated. "Just put on your uniform."

"I can't do that yet, sir. First, I have to make my speech."

"You can't make this easy, can you?"

"Classmates! Who am I to deserve such a great honor? Why, I wouldn't have it without my sister Lynn."

Bolhofner rolled his eyes. "Gimme a break."

"And to my public, all I can say is I'm touched. And furthermore, I will carry out my duties…" The clock moved forward in time as Lincoln continued his speech. "...crime and punishment, punishment and crime in the hall!"

At this point, almost everyone is asleep. "Which reminds me of an extremely long speech written by the greatest hall monitor of all time." Lincoln took out a long roll of paper. "Friends, students, juvenile delinquents, lend me your ears."

The clock has disappeared, and it is now much later in the day. Bolhofner is asleep at his desk.

"In conclusion, and without a moment to spare, I will put on this uniform-" Lincoln took out the siren hat. "-and assume my duties as…" He put on the uniform. "...hall monitor! Wish me luck, Mr. B."

He walked toward the door and turned around. "Oh, and I will be re…" The bell rings as all students run over Lincoln.

"Kid, are you okay?" The teacher asked.

"I overdid the speech, didn't I?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Aww, man." Lincoln got up and walked off sadly. In the school hall, he came up to Lynn, who got done with her meeting as the school day was over.

"Hello Stinkoln, what happened? I heard you didn't do your job as hall monitor."

"I made a long speech and lost track of time."

"Oh."

"Well, I guess I won't be needing this." He took off the uniform. "I hardly knew ya." He gave it to his sister and walked away saddened.

"Uhh...Lincoln?"

"Yes, Lynn?"

"I can at least let you wear it until tomorrow."

"A-hoo!" Lincoln took back the siren. "Thanks Lynn!" He ran off.

"What are the consequences of what I've just done?" Lynn said, slightly worried.


The white haired boy walked down the street, whistling. Then noticed a broken traffic light. "Broken traffic light! Who's to say my monitor duties should end just because the bell rang? I can be helpful anywhere! This looks like a job for the hall monitor!"

He directed traffic, with a whistle, to their destination using all sorts of hand gestures, but ended up causing a huge wreck in the end.

"What would this town do without you, Lincoln?"

"My leg!" Mr. Grouse yelled. "My leeeeeeeeeg!"

Lincoln walked off. "On patrol. I'm on patrol." Then he noticed a house with an open window. "Uh-oh, an open window." He peeked through the window and there is a couple eating.

"More mashed potatoes, dear?" The wife said.

"The fools! They've left themselves susceptible to danger. I must show them the error of their ways through example." Lincoln jumped through the window and onto their table in a ski mask, screaming as he did so. "I'm the open window maniac!"

The couple ran out screaming.

"I hope you learned a valuable lesson!" Lincoln shuts the window and begins walking again.

"On patrol. I'm on patrol. I'm on patrol…" He gasped as he saw a Burpin Burger wrapper on the ground. "Litter! Another crime! But who's the litterbug? I must act!"

Then he noticed Clyde eating a burger on the bench. "Clyde!"

"Oh, hi Lincoln. I heard you were hall monitor, but I barely saw you in the halls."

"Nevermind that, Clyde. You just committed a crime, and I'm taking you in."

"What crime?"

Lincoln pointed to the litter on the ground.

"You're right! What was I thinking? I'm a bad person!"

A newspaper boy ran over, yelling in a high voice. "Extra! Extra! "Maniac strikes Royal Woods!" City paralyzed with fear!" He gave a paper to Lincoln and spoke in a gruff voice. "Take it, friends. Arm yourselves with knowledge."

He ran off speaking in a high voice again. "Extra! Extra! Maniac strikes Royal Woods!"

Lincoln read the paper. "Maniac? Royal Woods? Car wrecks? Break-ins?" Who better to bring this maniac to justice than me, the hall monitor! But I can't handle this case alone. Clyde, are you ready to give up your life of crime?"

"I wanna be good!" Clyde cried.

"Hmmm... now you just need a symbol of authority."

"I've got it!" Clyde turned the paper into a cop hat and put it on.

"Perfect! It is our duty to catch this maniac and bring him to justice!"

"But how do we proceed?"

"With walkie-talkies!" Lincoln took two out. Clyde took one as he is elated with joy. "And now, duty calls! Alright, deputy, I'll go that way, you go some different way! Run 'em out!"

The hall monitor ran off sounding like a siren. The police come driving up and stop beside Clyde.

"Afternoon, son." One Officer greeted the boy.

"Hello brothers." Clyde salutes to the officers, then raises both eyebrows whilst pointing to his paper hat.

"Son, we're looking for the maniac."

"Have you seen this man?!" The second officer whipped out a poster that said WANTED MANIAC with a poorly drawn picture of Lincoln on it.

Clyde screamed. "It's the maniac! Take him away, take him away!"

"Calm down, son. It's just a drawing, not the real thing." The first officer stated.

"Oh, right. I guess I overreacted."

"Now we're gonna show you this picture again, and you tell us if you've seen this guy. Understand?"

"Yeah. Uh-huh."

"Okay!"

The second officer showed Clyde the poster again.

"Hmm… he looks familiar. But I haven't seen this guy, Officer."

"Well, you stay indoors, son." The first Officer advised.

"Yeah, and take that paper hat off your head." The second officer said. The two cops laugh as they drive off. Clyde took out his walkie talkie.

"Lincoln? Come in, Lincoln. Answer!"

Lincoln is seen somewhere else. "Lincoln here, Clyde. Report."

Clyde is heard over the walkie talkie. "I don't wanna be a policeman anymore. I'm scared!"

"Get a hold of yourself, deputy."

Clyde sobbed. "I wanna go home!"

Lincoln sighed. "Poor rookie. Alright, I'm on my way back."

"Hurry Lincoln, I think it's getting-" The bright sky suddenly becomes dark. "...dark."

"Just put on your siren and I'll be right there."

Clyde made siren sounds, but in a feared tone. "Wee-woo. Wee-woo. Wee-woo. Wee-woo." He picked up the poster that the officers showed him earlier. Then he saw a darkish figure down the road. It's Lincoln, but Clyde doesn't realize it. He gasped loudly. "Wee-woo! Wee-woo! Wee-woo! Lincoln! I see him!"

"Where is he, Clyde?" Lincoln asked over the walkie talkie.

Clyde spoke over the walkie talkie. "At the intersection of Bullvine Street."

Lincoln turned around to read the street sign that said Bullvine Street. "That's where I am! He's right on top of me, but I can't see him! What's he doing?"

"Uhh, he's just standing there... menacingly!" Clyde screamed over the walkie talkie. "Get outta there, Lincoln!"

Lincoln panicked.

"That's his maniac shriek! He's going to attack!"

"What do I do? What do I do?" Lincoln panicked, running around in circles.

"He's acting all crazy!" Clyde reported. "Run! Hide in that bush!"

Lincoln jumped into a bush full of thorns. "Ow!"

"No, he's in the bush! Oh, quick, get behind that tree!"

Lincoln hid behind a tree.

"No wait! The maniac went behind that tree! Quick! Get under the trash can!"

Lincoln got under the trash can.

"No wait, agh, he's there too! Run for your life!"

Lincoln hid in a mailbox. As he tried to relax, the radio cut out. Lincoln spoke over his walkie talkie. "Say again, deputy?"

"The maniac's in the mailbox!" Clyde yelled. Lincoln screamed and bursted his arms and legs through the mailbox. He alternated between screaming and crazily jabbering as he ran through three houses and eventually crashed through a fence plasted with wanted posters. Lincoln is out of the mailbox and took a look at one of the wanted posters.

"Huh, this maniac looks strangely familiar. Wait a minute, Clyde, I'm the maniac!"

Clyde gasped. "I should've known!"

A mass of police cars surrounded the white haired kid.

"We'll take that as a confession." Officer Durando said. Then Lynn appeared.

"Stinkoln! There you are! I turn my back on you for one minute and now you're on wanted posters and causing a whole mess of trouble! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Lincoln slumped sadly, knowing he was in trouble now.

"You know this guy?" Officer Derando asked Lynn.

"Of course I do. He's my bro. I'm the one who gave him the uniform in the first place. He's my responsibility." The cops glared at her. "Uh-oh…"


It was another day at school. Lincoln was in the hall, chatting with Clyde.

"So Lincoln, is Lynn still mad at you?" Clyde questioned.

"She was this morning." Lincoln said. "It wasn't pretty. That's the last time I'm hall monitor. But I do feel bad that Lynn has to do community service for a month now."

"That stinks." Clyde commented. "But she'll have to cool off eventually."

Meanwhile, Lynn is picking up pieces of property damage, grumbling to herself. Then a guy walked over, throwing a piece of paper on the ground. Lynn noticed this. "Hey, litterbug!"

The guy saw the angry look on the tomboy's face and ran off screaming as Lynn chased after him.