He was dressed in loose black linen trousers and a tight long-sleeved black t-shirt. He sat rigidly on the end of the bed, staring unseeingly towards the window, his hands placed calmly on either side of his legs. His feet were bare and placed firmly flat on the floor.

Serena moved silently further into the room, holding a bottle of potion she had taken from the bathroom cabinet.

"I brought you some dreamless sleep," she said softly, putting it down on his bedside table and padding around the other side to slip under the covers.

Severus hadn't acknowledged her presence in anyway, and she knew he must be deep in his mind palace, reorganising and filing and trying to instore some kind of order in the whirlwind of emotion.

Serena sat crossed-legged behind him, unsure what to do. She wanted him to rest and sleep, but she knew that was probably asking too much. She wanted him to try to accept that he had no choice, that he had stopped the girl from suffering, that it was the only option, but she was aware that was a near-impossible task.

Severus sat, immobile for over fifteen minutes. She sensed when he had come back to reality because his breathing changed and his shoulders stiffened every so slightly, but he still didn't move or turn around.

"You should take that potion," she murmured softly. "You need to sleep, you've been through a lot."

Severus stood up so abruptly that Serena jumped. He stalked across the room to the wardrobe and pulled out a black dressing gown that he rarely wore. He swung it around his shoudlers and reached for a pair of shoes.

"What are you-"

"I have brewing to do," he said curtly. "And I imagine there will be a meeting called in the morning, I must write to Albus. Don't wait up."

"Severus-"

He span around and gave her a look filled with such anger and darkness that it silenced her.

She nodded, nervously. "Ok," she said quietly. "Go."

He turned on his heel and disappeared out of the door.

Serena clenched at the bed sheets and fell back into her pillow.

Let the self-flagellating commence.

He probably needed it, she thought to herself. No one could forgive themselves after such a horrific deed, she understood that much. Perhaps if Severus punished himself for a while, he could push past it later on.

Serena lay back in bed and pointed her wand at the door, opening it. She strained her ears but couldn't hear anything. Severus was surely in his laboratory now, drinking himself into a stupor, or brewing potions until his brain shut off with fatigue.

She pointed her wand at the candles and extinguished all but one.

She didn't know how long she lay there, watching the candle flame flicker back and forth, swelling and reducing, casting shadows on the wall behind it, and dripping wax down onto the holder.

She could barely think about what had happened to Severus. She couldn't quite find a safe space in her mind forest to let those dark thought run free, so instead, she dug a hole and pushed them in there, patting the soil compactly over her doubts and disgust, until nothing remained but a small, freshly dug square. She would pull them up again, when she was ready, but now she needed to focus on Severus and get them through the Order meeting and the start of term.

At some point, she fell asleep, and when Severus walked into the room at half past seven the next morning, he was fully dressed in his usual black robes, looking stony and exhausted.

"You need to get up," he said quietly. "Albus sent out word, the meeting starts in half an hour."

"Jesus," she murmured, rolling up and out of bed slowly. "Why so early-"

Severus had already gone back down the stairs. She grimaced and heaved herself up to go and get dressed. She was pretty sure Severus hadn't slept at all, and couldn't blame him. She had only dropped off out of pure exhaustion herself, images of his mangled arm flashing through her eyes.

She chose a tight pair of black robes, slipped on her tall high heels and cast a few hair and make up charms. She headed downstairs with just a few minutes to spare.

"Hey," she said softly, sidling over to Severus who was drinking coffee in the kitchen. "Did you manage to sleep at all?"

Severus set down his mug and scowled at her, his eyes filled with steel metal walls and flashing darkness. "Why do you even fucking care?" he growled, glaring directly at her. "Don't you ever wonder if there's something wrong with you? I told you what I did woman, and you're still treating me as though- as though-"

"As though I love you?" she said in a bitter tone, unsurprised by his abrupt outburst. "Look, you did your fucking job yesterday, do you hear me? You are a Master spy, an assassin, a traitor. Staying undercover is your job. It doesn't make it an easy job, that doesn't make it a nice one or justify anything you do. But you sold your soul to the devil a long time ago, Severus Snape. And whether it's right or not, you're still paying the price. So beat yourself up all you like, but you're not pushing me away. Now finish your coffee, we're going to be late."

Severus sent her his fiercest glower but she met it with steady eyes and he eventually sniffed and put down his mug.

"I have never understood you," he said quietly, summoning his cloak.

"I am aware," she said with a hint of humour.

She felt nervous as they stepped through the fire into the kitchen at Grimmauld place.

Only Samuel and Remus knew that something had happened, and even they didn't know what, but it was Severus' mood that worried her the most. He was on edge, extremely tense and ready to insult anyone that looked at him the wrong way, it seemed. She knew that since her Father had kidnapped her they had both been relegated in the regards of the Order members, and she knew she shouldn't care, but she hated any form of conflict and just wanted them to get in and out of the meeting as quickly and as quietly as possible.

"Hi Serena," several people greeted her as they stepped through the fire, and as usual, a part from a few nods in his direction and one "Snape", everyone blatantly ignored Severus.

Severus didn't seem to care at all and scowled at the room, before turning to her and telling her quietly that he would speak with Albus privately before the meeting began.

She watched him walk through the crowd and disappear up the stairs.

Serena found herself in a crowd of Weasley discussing the twins' defence products that apparently even the Ministry had placed an order for.

After ten minutes, Albus swept into the room looking angrier than usual, followed by a stony faced Severus who picked her out in the middle of the group and jerked his head to the back of the room.

She followed him, her eyes on Albus, wary of what Severus had told him and what he was going to tell the others.

"Yes, please settle down," Albus said loudly, raising his blackened hand and gesturing to everyone to sit down around the table.

Serena settled herself next to Severus in their usual spot, standing at the back of the kitchen.

"Everything ok?" She asked quietly, without looking up at him.

He didn't reply.

"Now I want to keep this very short, I understand that you all have jobs to go to, but the disappearance of Felicity Higgs yesterday has obviously been our priority-"

"Any news Albus?" Arthur asked as Molly clutched at a handkerchief next to him.

"Nothing from the aurors," Tonks replied before Albus could. "We're all on the case, all we know is that there's something about an unresolved debt between her grandfather and some of the Death Eaters. The grandfather turned up last night cursed and with no memory."

"We're trying to reverse the obliviate, there's a team from our department working with St Mungo's," Samuel said calmly.

"Snape, do you have any info about the Death Eaters involved?" Tonks asked, and everyone's heads turned towards them.

Serena felt Severus stiffen next to her. He cleared his throat and spoke very slowly and purposefully. "The grandfather owed the Carrow twins money," he said in a quiet voice. "it is my understanding that he was warned twice of the consequences... He didn't listen. They took action."

"You say that as if he deserved it!" Molly said sharply.

"I did not imply that," he said in a low, threatening voice. "Although no, I pity no one who thinks they can outsmart the Carrows. As I said, he was warned."

"Warned?" Molly shrieked. "A ten year old girl is missing! She could be being tortured at this very minute and you say it like she deserved it-"

"That is not what he's saying Molly," Serena interrupted in a harsh voice, "Tonks asked him a question and he answered."

"So is she being kept at the same place Serena was?" Samuel asked.

"Our rescue team is ready!" Moody barked.

"We've been investigating non-stop," Tonks repeated, "We've found nothing except-"

"The girl will not be found," Severus interrupted in a curt voice, and when Serena looked up at him, his eyes burned with pain and darkness, but his face, as guarded as ever, gave nothing away.

The room erupted into uproar at Severus' words, and it took Albus almost a minute to calm everyone down.

"Spit it out, Snape," Moody barked. "What do you know?"

There was a long pause. Severus was so still he could have been petrified, but when he spoke his voice was loud and clear.

"I know that the girl is no longer alive," he said quietly, "Nothing more." This time the room fell silent.

The Weasley family all looked at each other, Remus and Samuel gazed straight at Serena for answers and many turned accusingly to Severus or Albus as though they had somehow been hoodwinked by them.

Arthur seemed to be physically restraining his wife, and muttering rapidly in her ear, but Molly's face was getting redder and redder by the second. Finally, it seemed Arthur could contain her no longer.

"You are a cruel man, Severus Snape!" she burst out from across the room, getting up sharply from her chair and marching towards him.

Serena was between them in a moment, staring down the other woman with a warning glare.

Severus was so close to exploding, she could feel the hum of his magic behind her, she knew how near he was to a magical and a mental breakdown, and he did not need Molly fucking Weasley pushing him over the edge, and especially not in front of half the Order.

"You leave him alone, Molly," she said in a quiet, threatening voice.

"Oh of course you're defending him!" Molly shrieked, jabbing her finger forward angrily. "He's just announced a ten year old girl is dead because of all his chums-'

"I'm warning you, Molly," she said slightly louder, sidestepping slightly to make sure she stayed in front of Severus. "You have no idea what he has been through, so if you know what's good for you, you'll back off."

"Molly-" Arthur said exasperatedly from behind her.

"No!" Molly snapped loudly, putting her hands on her hips. "He has got this coming! He is heartless! Cruel! Self-" Molly's words caught in her throat as a circle of scorching white fire shot up around Severus, burning straight to the ceiling, fierce and strong. The fire roared for less than a second but the message was clear.

Serena sent Molly her most dangerous stare as the other witch heaved and huffed at her, clearly stunned. Serena could see several others had got to their feet at her display of elemental magic, but she didn't take her eyes from Molly.

"Very well," Molly huffed eventually, taking a small step backwards. "We will continue this discussion another time."

Serena raised her eyebrows stiffly, making it obvious that they wouldn't. "Come on Severus," she said quietly, not turning to look at him. "Let's get out of here."

She pushed past the Weasleys to the stairs and swept up them, anger burning through her body as she marched down the hallway to the front door. She was relieved to see Severus right behind her as she clutched the door knob and span into the darkness.

They arrived at Spinner's End simultaneously, and Severus turned on Serena immediately.

"Why are you doing this?" He snapped loudly, swishing around to glare at her, sparks flying from the tip of the wand clutched in his hand. "What the fuck is wrong with you! I told you want I did and there you are fucking defending me!"

"Of course I'm defending you! If I hadn't you'd have killed her!"

"I don't care what they say about me-"

"Well I do," she growled.

"Merlin Serena, you're so fucked up-"

"Of course I'm fucked up, you infuriating man," she snapped straight back at him. "Don't you realise how much I owe you? Of course I'm disgusted by what happened, I can't understand it and some part of my mind finds it hard to look you in the eye, but god Severus, if you had had any other option, no matter what it meant, you would have taken it! I know that just like I know myself. And yes, of course I'm fucked up, loving you, acting as if all of this is the norm. But don't you understand how much you mean to me ? Even today? After everything? Without you, I'd have run away and shrivelled up after Kingsley was killed. I can see it sometimes, flashes of the life I would have had, running and running, filling my body with alcohol and moonshine until I choked on my own vomit. You saved me. And now I'm saving you. So if you'll just let me get on with it, that would be appreciated..." She huffed, trying to defuse the tension in the room and rubbed her tired eyes. "Are all your cases ready? I'll call Lizzie to send our stuff to Hogwarts."

Severus looked at her as though he thought her completely mad for a moment and then nodded jerkily.

"Yes."

"Good," she said curtly. "You should brush your teeth. I know you smoked a cigarette this morning, it stinks."

Severus' face morphed into a familiar smirk that made her heart warm and her shoulders loosen slightly. She hadn't lost him entirely, after all.

Arriving at Hogwarts was a strange feeling.

The castle had been the first place she had ever felt at home and returning there each year was always accompanied by feelings of fondness.

This time however, some of the magic had faded away. The extra security around then castle meant that it took them over half an hour to pass through the gates, and the aurors that were positioned outside were less than friendly when confronted with Severus.

As they made their way up into the grand entrance hall, Serena and Severus stepped slightly apart, letting a cold indifference settle between them to outside eyes. Gone was the thrill of a secret romance, Serena felt as though she was too old for sneaking about in the shadows and wanted nothing more than to share chambers with Severus now, but they both knew it was impossible.

The fact that Severus' new rooms were on the same floor as Serena's did help them feel closer, even though she would miss the intimacy they had shared for the majority of the summer at Spinners End.

Even at Grimmauld Place they had been able to openly show their relationship, but here they were back to being colleagues that generally tolerated each other.

Events hadn't happened at the right time, Serena thought glumly as she waved hello to several portraits. Severus needed watching closely and reassuring constantly, and she wouldn't be able to keep as close an eye on him as she would have liked at the castle.

The positive points, though, were that he was going to be extremely busy, and that as term had resumed, he would be called a lot less now. The Dark Lord couldn't argue with how suspicious it would be if Severus kept secretly disappearing.

Small blessings, she thought to herself.

"Serena!" She span around as Poppy scurried down a flight of stairs towards them, her medi-robes trailing along the stone steps.

"Poppy," she smiled widely as Poppy hugged her tightly.

"Hello Severus," Poppy said smiling slightly at the tall wizard.

"Poppy," he said dryly. "Please excuse me before you bore us with stories from your holiday I clearly don't care about."

He gave a slight bow and turned away.

"As charming as ever I see!" Poppy called after him, grinning at Serena.

"How are you Poppy? How was your summer?"

"Lovely, thank you, well apart from everything that's been going on," she said in a dark voice, glancing around the hall as though someone might be listening. "All these disappearances, it's just awful. Exactly how it started the last time."

Serena grimaced, not allowing her mind to stray to Severus. "Yes, it's awful isn't it."

"I've only been reading it in the Prophet though, it was quite quiet in Cornwall, lots of tourists but not much trouble."

"Well that's one thing," she smiled back.

The two witches had a good chatter and promised to sit next to each other at the teachers feast that evening.

Serena climbed the rest of the stairs and made her way to her room, feeling her exhaustion seeping over her. She wondered if she had time for a nap.

Elizabeth had delivered all of her cases so everything was waiting in the living room for her when she arrived.

It took less than twenty minutes to get her rooms looking like they usually did and to hang all of her clothes up.

She spent a few minutes turning over several photos of her and Kingsley she had found at the bottom of her suitcase, before slipping them into the drawer of her bedside table.

She sniffed away the emotion that burnt at the back of her throat.

There was no time for that.

She found Severus in his new office, the door wide open, and books flying everywhere, organising themselves on the rows and rows of shelves he had placed around the walls.

He had a lovely view of the lake, she noticed as she strolled up to his desk, taking in her surroundings.

His office, as usual, was a very professional, minimalistic space. Severus preserved his comfier furniture and his more precious books for his private space. She wondered how he was going to organise his new chambers.

He looked up at her as she entered but didn't say anything.

"Do you need any help?"

"No," he said quietly. "I am going to empty the dungeons before Horace arrives and reorganise my new chambers."

"Okay, I think I'm going to have a nap, and then I'll probably go for a run before the feast tonight. Do you want to join me?"

Severus raised an eyebrow and finally lifted his eyes to hers.

"I think not," he said steadily.

"It will do you the world of good," she replied lightly.

"I don't run."

"Does don't mean can't or won't? You have a lot of pent-up energy and anger, Sev. I'm saying this will help."

Severus opened his mouth as if to argue and then shut it abruptly. "I'll consider it," he said quietly, dropping his eyes to his desk again and re-positioning his quill pot unnecessarily.

She frowned at his sudden change in humour, but didn't say anything. Severus was the most stubborn person she knew, and it certainly wasn't like him to back down.

"Ok, it'll probably be about five o' clock… See you later."

He grunted and she went quietly back to her rooms. Normally she would have been to see Albus by now, but she just didn't feel like sitting in his office and pretending to be happy to see him. The truth was, she didn't think she could ever forgive him for what he had asked of Severus, no matter how important it was.

Serena couldn't sleep.

No matter how hard she tried to clear her mind and how tired she was, she couldn't shut off. Flashes of green light whipped brightly behind her eyes, Kinglsey smiled at her from across the dining table, Severus' black hair swept down over his face, and her father's wicked laugh echoed in her ears.

After three quarters of an hour she gave up. She swung her legs out of bed, opened the curtains and re-dressed herself, feeling annoyed. She chugged back a pick-me-up potion and walked defeatedly down to the dungeons.

"I know you said you didn't need help, but I couldn't sleep for the life of me," she said loudly, strolling into Severus' old classroom where he was carefully boxing potions ingredients.

He raised his eyebrows at her and his eyes looked her up and down scrutinisingly. "The ingredients on that table need boxing carefully so that Elizabeth may take them to my personal lab."

"Are you stealing?"

"No," he said pointedly. "I bought them myself if you must know, and several were very expensive. Slughorn has already asked Albus for an extension on this year's budget, I've seen his list, I don't know what he is teaching this year but I don't see how it justifies an extra seventy five galleons worth of ingredients."

"It sounds like someone is having trouble letting his old subject go," she teased lightly.

"Don't be ridiculous," he snapped.

"I'm not," she continued, wandering between the desks and twirling on the spot. "It's the end of an era. I mean, look at this classroom. Our first kiss was just there." She pointed at the spot near the door, when she had touched his hand and felt his feelings so long ago. "And that desk, well, let's not vocalise the things we've done over that-"

"Yes, yes, how very sentimental," he interrupted hastily, but she could see his cheeks had turned a very subtle shade of pink.

"I suppose the bright side is that we will have many new desks and new places to baptise…"

Severus looked as though he didn't know whether to scold her or smirk.

She walked slowly over to him and very carefully, giving him the time to push her away if he needed to, folded her arms around his waist. She hugged him tightly, breathing in his spicy smell until she felt hesitant hands around her shoulders too.

She spotted his huge wooden desk over his shoulder and smirked into his robes.

"It really is a very sturdy desk," she murmured into his chest. "How about one last go, for old times' sake?"

Severus snorted and pushed her away. "Crazy witch," he muttered, turning back to his vials, but she didn't miss the tiny hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth before he did.