* Higurashi - Sheep Counts
* Fata Morgana - The Past (Harp Ver.)
* Fate/Grand Order - Ever-present Feeling
Chapter LXXI: Star-Crossed Souls
* Higurashi – Sheep Counts
Well, Leo was on the Ark.
What next?
That was what he had to ponder about while recovering from the fact Galahad had thrown him like a basket ball. A more concise warning would have been much appreciated.
Thankfully, his trajectory ended exactly on the 'railing' of the Ark (it was hard to call it that because it was large enough to settle down and have a picknick on it). All Leo had to do was to not blink and to cling onto the edge. With the ship in that position, he couldn't fall to his death, but if he rolled down the hull then he would have no way to get back up.
On the other hand, he couldn't exactly get onto the Ark either, something he understoon as soon as he took a peek over the railing.
There was no even foothold here, so the only way to move around would be to slide down the streets and alleys – and indeed, the closest houses were not so far that it would be dangerous. However, from where he was Leo was able to peek into a street, and the fact that he couldn't see the end of it sent a chill down his spine. He was not any tougher than the average human being and the floor of the Ark was perfectly smooth, like marble. In other words, if he started sliding and missed his target, chances were he was going to get hurt.
"But I can't stay here either..." He sat up on the railing and considered his options. At the very least, he should get down from here in case the Ark returned to its original position. "But where do I go after that?"
It wasn't just a matter of how he should get around, but also of what he should do in the first place. He would have liked to rejoin with Laurent and Ladylee, but he didn't have the slightest idea as to where they had gone to. For that matter, he didn't know where to find anyone from the Red Faction. So he could only count on himself for the time being, but himself didn't come with a clear objective.
"..." While sliding down the white floor to reach the nearest wall, he heard the sound of fighting in the distance. "Saber... Well, he can take care of himself."
It would be silly for someone weak like Leo to be worried about Galahad. The latter had told him he would be back soon, and so Leo trusted that was the case. Or at least, he trusted him to not die, which was already a lot. But hearing him fighting reminded Leo that he was in the middle of a danger zone where he wasn't welcome. Where to go wasn't as much of a concern as his own life.
So first things first, he should do what he did best: hide behind an illusion.
But once that was done, it was back to the old dilemma.
(Should I wait here for him? But if the battle starts getting messy, I might get caught up in it...)
In fact, that was probably true of most areas on this Ark. This place ought to be swarming with Servants after all – and if not them, then creatures like the automata who had attacked them earlier. Staying out in the open like this, even covered by an illusion, was not a very bright idea. He didn't know where Hatsuyo might be, let alone if she was on board; so that part would have to wait until later. Without anywhere to go, he might as well improvise.
"Alright, here we go!" He shouted to spur himself and started to move.
The streets of the City were not vertical, so he could at least move down slowly along the walls without too much risk. It made progression a bit slow, but that was better than a broken neck.
(Still, there's no point in running around without a plan, is there?)
When the time would come, he expected he would need plenty of energy. In the meantime, if the objective was to survive then he might as well hide. That was probably what the White Faction expected them to do however, which came down to two possibilities: either they had a way to detect where the Masters of Red were (if that was the case, Leo was already screwed), or they would go around looking for them.
(This place looks so big that I can't imagine them going from door to door... but we're not taking chances today.)
At any rate, he was not lacking in options for a hiding place. On the contrary, since every building here was eligible, there was too many options for him to pick one on the fly. Galahad would have no problem finding him no matter what, so all that mattered was just how safe it would be.
(Somewhere unconspicuous... wait, no, that's where they would expect me to hide, right? But I'm not ready to bet I can hide in plain sight either... So somewhere that doesn't stand out, but still stands out a bit...)
A bulding larger than average would be a good hiding spot. Being invisible already, somewhere with more space for him to hide and more options to run away was perfect. And it so happened that there was a house which fitted those exact criteria not too far from him.
It took a bit of creativity to get there first though. All the while, he didn't meet nor hear a single living soul nearby. It should be reassuring, but he didn't quite feel that way. This place was gigantic and unfamiliar – with the silence permeating the City added to it, Leo felt as if something was physically weighting on him. As though he might genuinely drown in this place where everything was pure white in every direction.
(–! Wha...!)
And perhaps he shouldn't have been focusing on that – the next moment, he was struck by vertigo.
Or so he thought at first, but it was more than dizziness: he felt strength vanish from his limbs. It almost felt like a dream. But this was reality, and if he didn't pull himself together, he would actually slide past his destination. The fear of splattering into a puddle of blood a hundred metres below was enough to make him move his weak arms – and barely did he manage to hang onto the corner of the building in question.
Some energy came back to him, yet even so it took a great effort to lift himself up. Now that he was on a stable surface, his racing heart calmed down a little. But the thought of what could have happened was enough give him a cold sweat; he didn't understand what had just happened. He hadn't noticed anything that could have triggered such a sensation.
Was it because of the altitude? He was pretty high up, but not so nearly high enough to be lacking oxygen.
Then, had it simply been a coincidence?
Or was it because of...
"...Well, it's passed now, so nevermind..."
He felt normal again.
Well, normal and exhausted, but the latter wasn't too surprising considering all it had taken just to come here. He was planning to take a break anyway, so all he had to do was to get inside that house. Unfortunately, that part was easier said than done: because of the angle the building was at, he was going to have a hard time reaching the door. And considering what had just happened, he was not ready to try another slide; instead, he crossed his fingers and looked up.
(Bingo.)
If the door was out of his reach, the same couldn't be said about the windows. Leo could easily scale the façade and reach one – when he did, he was relieved to find out they were essentially holes carved into the wall with no glass pannel that would prevent him from entering. That didn't mean he was going to jump inside blindly though.
"It's as bad inside than outside..." He mused while peering through the second floor window. While he was starting to get used to this new perspective, he had to constantly watch himself. "...but what matters is that I have four walls and a ceiling around me."
Carefully, he passed one leg over the windowsill, and then the next.
And then he slipped up anyway and fell.
"Fu– Ouch!"
It was a very short fall, yet he still managed to hit his bum hard. But not as hard as he would have expected: what he had landed on wasn't the cold hard floor but a piece of furniture. He hadn't seen it beforehand but he was pretty sure this was a bed, although it was completely flipped over.
(Well, that's no surprise.)
What was more intriguing was that this was the only piece of furniture in the entire room. There wasn't even a lamp or a chair. Maybe that was just the default look of all rooms on the Ark (although that would make a lot of beds). At any rate, maybe staying in this diagonal room wouldn't be so uncomfortable after all... or maybe it would. Regardless, Leo stepped down from the bed.
And that was when he understood what it was doing here.
"..."
(Hm? Did I hear something?)
"... ... h... ..."
This time, he was sure of it. There was a faint muffled sound coming from somewhere inside the room.
"...help..."
It was coming from his feet.
"...I need some help...!"
"Whoa!"
There was someone underneath the bed. Now that he looked carefully, he could see a hand emerging from the bed sheets which were under the bed itself. When it dawned on him that they were trapped underneath, he felt a wave of guilt washing over him at the idea that he had been standing on them a second ago.
That was why, he crouched down in a hurry and tried lifting the bed up. The latter wasn't so heavy that he couldn't move it, but because of the room's orientation he couldn't just push it aside. Instead, he lifted it and pushed it forward until it hit the wall.
He grunted in effort all the while, but the prisoner was free at last.
"Finally...! It was so hot in there..."
He could now clearly hear a girl's high-pitched voice. Only then did it occur to him: this was someone he didn't know at all. That was something he should have realized as soon as he had noticed her presence; it would have been weird to find another Master of Red here. But in the heat of the moment, that fact had completely flown over his head.
(What do I do...?)
He just stared at her without moving.
It was simple enough to deduce that she was a resident of the Ark, which automatically made her his enemy. But at the same time, she looked completely harmless; after all, she had managed to get stuck under a damn bed. Leo was confident he could get out from under it a lot more easily than he had moved it. But it wasn't as though he could trust appearances either – for all he knew, she could be a powerful magus and he had just participated in his own death.
But while he was paralyzed by indecision, the mysterious girl was blinking her eyes in confusion.
She looked around the room with a slight frown before calling out:
"Mister ghost?"
(Ah, right. I'm still invisible.)
Maybe that was a good thing, after all. As long as she didn't know where he was, he could leave quietly and avoid the mess he had gotten himself into. All he had to do was to keep his mouth shut, turn his heels and walk through the door. There were plenty of other buildings he could use as a hiding spot, so this was no big deal.
Of course, Leo only thought of all that in hindsight – when he had noticed he was still hiding behind an illusion, he undid the latter without thinking twice.
(I'm a dumbass.)
To his defense, that girl looked so harmless that he had dropped his guard, which wasn't exactly a good defense considering everything else. But he was getting used to making bad decisions in his life, so instead of dwelling on it too much he decided to improvise.
"... ... ... ... ... Hi..." He greeted her while waving his hand awkwardly.
"Hi!" Her reaction was a lot more positive than he had expected. "What's your name, Mister Ghost?"
"I'm not a ghost, I'm just... well, I'm not a ghost..."
If she didn't know he was using illusions, then he could at least salvage that.
"Then why can you disappear?" She asked innocently.
"Well, uh..." Ah, crap. "It's just something I can do..."
"I see!" And she bought it. "Thanks for helping me, Mister Not Ghost!"
"You... you can call me Leo."
"I'm Anastasia, but you can call me Ana!"
Just what was happening?
How had he gotten into a situation like this?
Ah, right, by not using his brain.
The silver lining was that Anastasia truly didn't seem like she was going to harm him, so his gut feeling must have been correct. Still, he wasn't sure what to think of his new acquaintance. She was wearing what looked like white dress, or maybe those were pajamas. It was hard to tell how old she was, so she must have been around his age, a couple years younger at best. But what he was really curious about was what she was doing here, sleeping at a time like this.
He wasn't comfortable enough to ask though.
"..." Anastasia, who was still lying on the ground, began waving her arm at him silently.
"...?"
"I need up." She clarified. "I'm too weak to move around."
"O-oh..." When he understood what she meant, Leo crouched down next to her to help her stand. But if she didn't have the strength to do so on her own, he doubted it would do her any good; he realized that this was what the bed had been for. "...I don't think the bed's usable right now though."
"Then help me sit down over there." She wasn't asking very politely, but the way she spoke didn't sound rude either. Rather, she was acting awfully familiar toward a stranger like Leo. "Ah, and it would be nice if I could have my blanket~!"
Leo did his best to move her into a sitting position while she did her best to move her arms and legs around to help. But since the issue was weakness, he was pretty much doing all the work, which reminded him of how heavy a person could be. Now that they were quite close he got to take a better look at her, and he noticed a few details he had missed before. Namely, she didn't seem to be doing well: she was thinner than he had expected and, despite her enthusiasm, there were several signs of fatigue on her face.
At any rate, they managed somehow and Leo fetched the blanket for her. Anastasia accepted it with a beaming smile and wrapped it around her shoulders.
"Alright!" Despite the situation, she actually looked pretty comfortable inside that big blanket burrito. But then, she made a strange request. "Can you give me a bit more time? I want to ready myself before."
"Huh...? Before what?"
* Fata Morgana – The Past (Harp Ver.)
"Before you kill me."
Leo felt like he had been punched in the guts. Not just because of what she had said or the suddenness of it, but also because of the way she had said it. Anastasia didn't look afraid. She had brought up the idea of her own death casually, without a hint of sadness. There was such a gap between her composure and the implication of her words that Leo was stunned silent.
"...Kill... you?" He repeated, unable to come up with anything else.
"Yes, kill me. That's what you're here for, right?" She asked innocently. "Evan said that if an enemy finds me, they would kill me; and that's why she hid me here. I've never seen you before, so you must be one of them, right? You still found me in the end. I just wanted to be comfy before dying~!"
"Wha...? I... wait..." There were so many thoughts coming to him that Leo had trouble processing all of them.
Thinking back on it, perhaps the weird one here was him. He had been so scared of what he should do about her, he had never stopped to consider how she must have felt. She was acting so friendly that it hadn't occurred to him that she still saw him as a Master from another Faction, not just a helpful passer-by. So from the very moment he had freed her from under that bed, she had been expecting him to...
"I don't think I'm into that!"
"Mh?" She tilted her head. "You're not going to kill me?"
Leo shook his head vigorously.
The mere thought of it sent a chill down his spine. So far, he had only ever fought to protect his own life. Even when he had been in a position of power of Anastasia, he had only thought of running away. The idea of even wishing for the death of someone else, let alone someone like her who was as vulnerable as a baby, felt terribly wrong to Leo.
"Do you really mean it?" Anastasia stared at him intently with surprise in her eyes.
"I wouldn't have helped you if that were the case."
"Oh? I thought it was because I can't run away no matter what~." Again, the way she was saying something scary like that was too carefree to his taste.
"And you would be okay with that? You're also a Master, so why?!" Her Command Seals were in evidence on her hand. "If you had called your Servant, I couldn't have done anything to you!"
"I guess."
"You... guess?" That was all she had to say? "And what if I had tried to kill you?!"
"That's not a big deal!" She replied in a tone she probably meant to be recomforting. "I'm going to die soon anyway, so I don't mind!"
That was a second punch to the guts.
Leo had already had a hunch that she wasn't in the best of conditions, yet even so he was shocked to hear it from her mouth. He was meeting this girl for the first time and all he knew about her was her name, but those words hit him as hard as if he had known her for a long time.
How could she be so indifferent about it?
"Besides, if I called Berserker, you're the one who would die! That would be terrible!"
"..."
So what? What did she care if Leo lived or died? It just made no sense to him. Be it the dissonance between what she was saying and the way she was saying it, or the logic behind it.
"Mister Leo, are you alright?" She looked at him with genuine concern.
"..."
But instead of putting those thoughts into words, Leo just looked back at her in a dumbfounded silence. All he could do was nod vaguely. That must have been enough to reassure her, for she suddenly moved onto a different subject.
"Oh, by the way, if you didn't come to kill me, why are you here?"
"...I..." Her question caught him by surprise but also helped him snap out of his daze. "I... was just looking for a place to hide. But... uh... don't mind me, I'll just go somewhere else."
"No, no, I don't mind!"
Saying so with a bright smile, Anastasia energetically tapped on the floor next to her. Leo wasn't sure whether he should take her up on her invitation, but eventually he abandoned all traces of reluctance. If they were able to hold a civil conversation for this long, then there was probably nothing wrong with staying a bit longer.
Besides, the more he considered it, the more he felt like he couldn't leave just yet.
And so, he removed his backpack and sat down next to her. It wasn't the most comfortable position because of the room's inclination but it still beat standing up. In a way, they were practically lying down. His body was very happy to settle down at last, and thanks to that he was able to relax a bit. But even so, he felt too awkward to talk.
Now that they were like this, side by side, he simply stared off ahead of him. Whether Anastasia was doing as much, he couldn't tell, but she was just as quiet.
"..."
"..."
He should probably say something to break the ice. He knew he should, yet he didn't dare. It wasn't because they were basically strangers – that hadn't stopped him from sharing a word with Laurent or Charles – but these strange circumstances made him feel out of place. Not only because she was a Master of White; there was also the fact that he didn't know where he should even start.
Still, doing nothing and pretending not to notice her only made it worse.
Now that he had an occasion to catch his breath, he noticed how dry his throat was. Thankfully, he hadn't come unprepared: he opened his backpack and rummaged around until he got his hand on his water bottle. Hydration wasn't the first thing that came to find when thinking about a death match, but Leo had learned from the previous rounds. He hadn't packed any food though, but that was mostly because his bag was already packed full. He could go a while without eating but sea water wasn't going to keep his body running.
While taking a sip, he finally risked a glance toward Anastasia – whom he found staring at him with stars in her eyes.
For a second, he thought it was simply because of him; but when he moved the bottle away from his mouth, her eyes followed his hand. He tried lifting the bottle up and down, and sure enough she couldn't take her eyes off it.
"...Want some?"
"I can?!" She asked with wide eyes.
"I mean... you look like you want some..."
"To tell you the truth, I haven't had anything to drink all day."
"Please drink it." He was starting to get seriously worried about her. Well, more worried than he had already been.
Anastasia accepted the water bottle with glee and proceeded to chug it all down in one go. That had been his only bottle... well, she had clearly needed it more than him, but he didn't think he could get a refill. The thought of testing the edibility of a water spell briefly crossed his mind, but he would rather leave that kind of experience for later. At any rate, the girl in pajamas breathed out in satisfaction before handing the empty bottle back to him, with a somewhat apolegetic expression.
"In exchange, we can share this together!" She offered while opening the blanket burrito.
"N-no, I'm fine." But Leo had to respectfully decline.
"Are you sure? It's super warm and cozy though!"
"I'm warm enough, don't worry."
He didn't feel like he was ready to share a blanket with a someone he had just met quite yet. Anastasia's friendly demeanor was enough to bridge any kind of distance, but he would feel like he was taking advantage of her ingenuousness. Instead, he put the empty plastic bottle back into his backpack – while trying to fit it in there, something small and flat was accidently pushed out and fell on the floor.
Before Leo had the time to pick it up, it was seized by Anastasia.
"What is this?" She scrutinized it with great curiosity.
"That's a photograph. Oncle Mi– My uncle got it for me."
"There's a little boy inside it...! Can he hear us?"
"No, that's... that's just ink on paper, there's no one inside of it." Was it her first time seeing a photograph? "It's just a picture from a long time ago."
"Then who is that?"
"That's tiny me."
Indeed, this was a picture from around eleven years ago, maybe ten. Leo couldn't remember on what occasion it had been taken, but there was no doubt that the subject was him. There was nothing really special about it, but Leo had asked Michael for any picture of him from that time; from when he had just moved in with him and Maria.
He wasn't exactly sure why he had even asked for something like this, or why he was keeping it with him at a time like this. But he liked to think of it as some sort of memento: considering when it had been taken, he must have looked the same as his original. So to him, it wasn't as much a picture of himself as a memory of the Leo who had died.
That being said, it was pretty easy to known which of the two that little boy was.
"Tiny Mister Leo looks sad..." Anastasia commented.
"Sure does. It was a bit tough for him at the time."
The Leo on the photograph was simply staring at the camera with a forlorn look on his face. He was sitting on a chair with his hands on his laps. Leo could recognize the dining room in Michael's house, although it had gone through quite a bit of transformation since then. It would be even more nostalgic if Maria or Michael had also been in the picture, but it was only him. It felt fitting somehow.
While he lost himself in the past a little bit, Anastasia said something unexpected.
"The Mister Leo of now looks much happier though!"
Leo blinked several times. It felt so obvious to him that he hadn't expected someone to say it out loud. But looking at the little boy in the picture and at the girl smiling at him... maybe it wasn't something that he could take for granted at all.
"Yeah. Tiny me met a few people along the way..." A smile found its way to his lips, but he tried to supress it; that was too embarassing. "By the way, you can drop the 'Mister', you know? Just 'Leo' is fine."
"I can?!" Anastasia asked with the same excitement as before. "I really, really can?!"
"Actually, I'd appreciate it if you did." Being called 'Mister' by someone around his age did not feel good.
"Oh, I can't wait to tell Evan I made a friend!"
"A friend?"
"Friends call each other by just their names, right?" She replied in high spirits.
Leo didn't have it in him to shoot down her enthusiasm. And after all, why not? Who had decided that making friends should be more complicated than that?
"Didn't think I would be making a friend here." He chuckled to himself. "Usually, I have to work a lot harder to get one."
"Do you have lots of friends, Leo?"
"Not really..." Actually, he wasn't sure which ones he was allowed to count as friends. "But... they're all important to me, so I guess numbers don't matter."
"That's great! I don't know many people, so I don't have a lot of friends either." Her smiled dimmed a little. "Actually, there's only a few people who even speak to me. Berserker is nice but I always have trouble keeping up with him. When Mister Caster is talking, sometimes I don't understand what he's saying at all. Ah, there's Evan, but she's more like family!"
"Family?"
"Yup! She's always looking after me and worrying and saying I shouldn't do this or that, so she's kinda like a mother~."
"A mother, huh..." How did it feel to have someone like that, Leo wondered.
"So I guess you are my first friend!"
"Heh..."
He, Leo Argas, had gone through enemy lines and had courageously made a new friend. A smile came to him at the thought of it, but it quickly faded. He remembered what they had talked about earlier and couldn't help gazing sadly at this girl, who was looking at the photograph from different angles with glee. He didn't want to bring down her enthusiasm, but...
"...Say, Ana." He cleared his throat and gathered his courage to ask: "Before, you said that you're going to die soon... right?"
"..." Her hands stopped in their tracks. Her expression didnt change but it took a few seconds for her eyes to meet his. "That's what I was told, yes. It should be pretty soon."
"...Why are you dying?"
"Hmmm, I'm not sure I understood everything, but apparently it's because I was brought back from the dead." Now that was something Leo hadn't expected to hear. "I don't remember anything about my previous life, but apparently I'm not allowed to be alive, so I'm dying."
"Not allowed to be alive...?"
There was clearly a lot that Leo didn't know about her circumstances, but at least he got the gist of it. And his first feeling upon hearing it was anger – what kind of joke was that?
"Ah, I made you sad, didn't I? Sorry." Anastasia fidgeted.
"Why are you apologizing..." She was the one being treated unfairly.
Not being allowed to live; that was even worse than knowing you were going to die.
"I don't want people to be sad!" She insisted. "You're weird, Leo."
"Weird...?"
"First, I thought you wanted to kill me but you didn't. And then you became my friend, and you're even feeling bad for me even though we've just met."
"I don't want to be called weird for that." The normal that existed in her head sounded completely inhumane. "I... ... I'm... ..."
Should he tell her?
No one knew aside from Michael and Galahad. Even if Leo was very open, that was not something so easily shared. It wasn't something he was comfortable thinking about, let alone bringing up. But the more he listened to her, the more something was trying to pull the words out of his mouth.
"I'm also..."
"Hm? What did you say?" Anastasia tilted her head.
"I'm also dying." Finally, he gave in. "I was only told recently, but I don't have much longer to live. One month. One year. Maybe not even a day."
Strangely, after making up his mind the words flowed out of his mouth seamlessly. Anastasia's reaction was slow – at first her expression was frozen, but her confusion gradually turned into astonishment. She didn't look saddened, merely in awe.
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"I'm not the one who decides if that's true or not."
"But you look like you're doing so fine! You came all the way here and even saved me!"
"I guess my case is a bit weird. I'm not sick or injured, I'm just reaching the end of my life span."
"Are you really old? I heard from Evan that humans can live a loooonnng time."
"If I were human, I probably could. But I'm... I'm just a homonculus." Leo struggled a bit to say it. He wasn't ashamed of what he was, but to call himself anything other than human was... "Long ago, there was a boy called Leonidas Argas. Something terrible happened to him and I was made as a replacement. But I wasn't good enough for it, apparently."
For some reason, he started talking about his past, even though she didn't have to know about that part. But before he could go more in depth about his private life, he was interrupted when Anastasia gasped loudly, almost making him jerk in surprise. But he was even more surprised to find that her eyes were filled with excitement.
"I'm the same! I'm the same!" She was jolting with enthusiasm, and with her the entire blanket burrito.
"...Huh?"
"I'm also a homonculus! And I'm someone who died, just like you!"
"I-I... uh..." That was definitely not the reaction Leo had expected. He wasn't upset that she was responding to his confession with joy, he was just completely stunned. "I mean, I didn't really come back from the dead. I'm just a clone with the same looks and some memories."
"But still! That's so lucky!"
"'Lucky'?!" And now, he was completely lost. "What about this is lucky?"
"That we met!"
"..."
"We were both given a very short time to live in this big world, and we were still able to meet one another. Can you think of the odds?!"
"...Pff." Leo couldn't hold back a small heartfelt laughter while the girl in pajama was looking at him in confusion. "What the hell, I can't win against you. How do you manage to always stay hyped up like that?"
"Uh? Ah... Aaaaaah, I'm so sorry!" She must have realized how indelicate she had been, because she panicked slightly. "I didn't mean to make fun of you, I was just so excited to meet someone like me!"
"Someone like me..."
Someone like him.
Leo repeated these few words over and over in his head, and each time he was amazed at how refreshing they felt.
He had thought about it before, hadn't he? One of the reasons why he hadn't felt confident to share the truth with everyone else was because he hadn't wanted to be a bother. Even if they could feel bad for him, it wasn't as though any of those people could empathize with him. In a way, it had made him felt very lonely and he had prefered keeping it to himself.
But this girl was the same him.
Even though their personalities were worlds apart, they were going through the same heartwrenching reality. When he heard it from her mouth, this simple fact hit Leo like a splash of cold water. And it was enough to bring tears to his eyes.
"Are you alright? Leo?" She fidgeted, not knowing what to do. "I'm sorry for hurting you! I really am!"
"No... I'm..." He quickly rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "Thank you. I really mean it."
"Why are you thanking me?"
"When I hear you, it almost make me feel like everything's fine." Her cheerfulness was terribly contagious. But even so, Leo looked down at his feet. "I'm not as strong as you. Every time I think about it, it scares me so much I do everything to forget. I try to be more optimistic. I'm doing my best, but it still feels so goddamn unfair... There's a lot I want to do, but it's always so hard. And when I think that I might not even have the chance to try, I..."
It felt like a hand was squeezing his throat. The tears he had chased away were now back with a vengeance.
Anastasia listened without uttering a single word. After Leo had said what he had on his heart, she looked away and stared off.
Then, after a moment, she looked down sadly.
"You're really going to die, huh...?"
"You don't have to feel bad about it." That expression didn't suit her.
"If you can feel sad for me, then I'm allowed to feel sad for you, right?" She retorted.
"Touché, I guess, haha..." The corner of his mout curled up. "I can't help making people around me worry."
"Hmmm... but you know, you're pretty impressive."
"Am I...?"
"I mean, even though you're scared, you aren't sad at all, right?"
"...!" Leo was taken off guard by her words. But he understood what she meant – he nodded. "I want to live. I can't just take it lying down. I'm terrified but... I don't want to just accept it."
"That's why you want the Holy Grail, right?" She gave him a knowing look. For someone so whimsical, she was very sharp.
"I don't have the time to look for another solution. That's also what you're planning to do, right?"
But Anastasia shook her head slowly.
"I don't really want the Holy Grail."
"...Huh?"
"I became a Master because that's what Evan did. In the first place, I never expected to win. I can't even move around on my own, and I don't want to hurt people."
"But... it could save you. Even if it's not easy, you don't need to kill anyone!"
"I can't. If I tried to, I would also have to go against Evan... and against you too." The corners of her mouth stretched into a feeble smile. "That's too much for me!"
"Then, are you only going to wait...?" Leo gritted his teeth.
Why was he getting upset? It was exactly as she had said: there was only one Holy Grail for many wishes. Leo wanted to have his desire granted, and that meant denying every other wish, including hers. To urge her on without the intention of ever letting her win – how much of a hypocrite could he be?
But it was so frustrating...
"Say, Leo..." Suddenly, Anastasia called out to him with some hesitation. "Will you listen to me for a bit?"
He looked at her with curiosity.
Silently, he accepted her request.
"...I'm not sure when I was born. Evan said she found me a year ago, but I was alone for a long time before that." She recounted. "I just... woke up one day. I didn't understand anything. I didn't know who or where I was, or what I was even supposed to do. And there wasn't anyone who would tell me."
"..."
"It was very cold where I was born. There wasn't much food either. Honestly, I didn't even know how to cook or how to use a toilet, so it's kind of a miracle that I didn't die then. And I really thought I was going to die like that, all alone. So when Evan found me one day, I was so happy – because there was someone else in this world."
"..."
"She really didn't know what to do. I think she didn't want to bother with someone like me... but she didn't abandon me, in the end. She gave me something very precious to me: my name. She doesn't think it's much but it made me so happy. I could say to myself: 'I'm Anastasia and I'm not alone'."
Anastasia began recounting the days the two of them had spent together. How Evangeline Golodiaïev had looked after her, how she had given her a roof to stay under and had taught her the basics of life. She told Leo about a whole bunch of anecdotes about various things, but they all had in common that they were very dear memories to her. The care and detail with which she depicted them told as much.
"She's a lot like a mother, right?" She asked with a small smile.
"...I guess she is." At the very least, the description she made of her friend reminded Leo strongly of a certain someone. "You gave her a lot to be worried about though."
"That I did... and sometimes, I do it on purpose." She confessed sheepishly. "Sometimes, I wonder if she'll grow tired of me and I will end up alone just like before. So I do mistakes and mischief on purpose; even if she gets angry at me, I don't mind. There's no one else here who will spend time with me, so I'm just happy that she cares enough to scold me."
(She did say I'm her first friend. She's only been around for a year, and if she's always bed-ridden like this she must not meet a lot of people.)
"But, you know, I don't want to hurt her. I just wanted a bit of attention, not to make her sad. When I learned I was going to die, she was really upset. She's like a nanny, so of course she would be worried about me. But she got really mad at me because I wasn't sad, haha."
Leo could imagine that.
"I don't mind it if she's angry. Even if she shouts and hates me, she's still my Evan. That's why I decided, I wouldn't tell anyone no matter what." Her voice trembled. "I never told anyone how terrified I am."
* Fate/Grand Order – Ever-present feeling
Two wet streaks trickled down her cheeks.
This girl, who was beaming and upbeat to a disturbing degree, couldn't hold back her tears even as she kept smiling.
She was fighting to keep it up, but it would be obvious to anyone looking at her how strained this smile was. Her whole body inside the blanket was shaken by her sobbing. Yet even so, she kept on talking.
"I don't want to die! My life isn't much, but I still love it. I love the sun, I love the rain, I love the birds, I love waking up and sleeping, the day and night, eating, laughing, crying, clouds, trees, I love talking with people, I love them even if they don't love me... I don't want to die... I don't mind pain and sadness if it means I can still breath and see another day! But I can't think of anything else! Every day, I'm stuck in a bed, I can barely take care of myself! Without medicine, I can barely breath... I can't even talk with Evan... I can't do anything except wait! All I can do is try to imagine what it's like to be dead, and it scares me so much I want to cry...!"
Her voice broke, and for a moment she could only whail unintelligible words.
Eventually though, when she got a bit more control over her tears, she continued.
"... ... ...But I can't cry. If she knows how scared I am, she's going to hurt too. That's why I have to smile... I have to pretend everything's alright, even when I want to scream...! I can't cry... I can't tell anyone... no matter what... I can't... I can't let them know..."
"..."
...
...
...
...
Leo was speechless.
So instead of saying anything, he inched closer to Anastasia and passed his arms around her shoulders. Still envelopped in her blanket, she accepted his embrace and soaked his shoulder with her tears. That was the only consolation he could give her. He couldn't save her. He couldn't take her fear away. He couldn't even offer the tiniest speck of hope.
All he could do for her was to understand.
He was the only one who could do it. The one who shared the same fear and the same fate. Even then, being here with her was the extent of it; it was the same as licking each other's wounds in the end. But if that was all he could do, then he would do it as much as she needed. That was why, they remained like this for a moment, sharing tears instead of words.
'Someone like me'
It was recomforting, but also painful.
Leo was ready to stay like this until she wanted to let go. But Anastasia didn't say anything. Even after her sobbing had stopped and her cheeks had dried, she was just resting her head on his shoulder.
But in the end, the one to decide the time of parting was fate: without any warning, the entire building shook violently and the room spun around them.
Even more terrifying than the shaking was the dull sound which resounded loudly. Leo was caught off guard, but thankfully for him he had already been pretty close to the floor. And as it turned out, Anastasia had felt nothing thanks to having both his and the blanket's protection.
The room was now back to its original state.
The world had decided to remind them there was still a Holy Grail War going on. Leo freed Anastasia and approached the window to see what had happened, but even from the second floor he couldn't see anything amiss. On the other hand, he knew someone who could tell him more.
Saber!
Leo, are you safe?
It was nothing, but can you tell me what happened?
I am not exactly sure myself, but...
If it was hard to put in words, then there was another way: Leo used their mental link to look through his Servant's eyes. Galahad was standing on one of many buildings within the City; his gaze was turned toward the edge of the Ark, fixated on something that was standing out glarringly. When Leo saw it and understood, his heart sank in his stomach.
The time had come.
"..."
But his body couldn't move; he turned to look at Anastasia who was sitting down in the middle of the room.
"You have to go, don't you?" He hadn't told her what he had seen, yet even so the girl in pajamas seemed to understand.
That's right. She was a Master of White and he was a Master of Red. If he wanted to accomplish what he had come here to do, he couldn't stay. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, but that's how it was.
"...I'm gonna help you back on the bed." He couldn't leave her like this.
Leo looked around for the sole piece of furniture in the room, which had been tossed at the same time as them and was lying on its side. But Anastasia stopped him with a smile and a shake of the head.
"No, I don't want to be in a bed anymore. It's a bit less comfortable, but I also like it here~!" Then, she held out her hand to give him something. "Don't forget about tiny you, though!"
Leo took the protograph from her; it was a little creased by the sudden impact, but it was in one piece. After putting it back inside his bag, he noticed his hand was trembling a bit.
"I see... well... take care."
Those were some pathetic parting words, especially for her. But there was no right way to leave for him: he turned his back to her and walked up to the door.
"Farewell then, Leo."
But that word made him stop just as he was about to step out of the room.
When he turned around, he saw her waving weakly at him.
"Mister Caster said that when I don't have any white hair left, I'll die." He couldn't even tell she had any white hair. "So I guess that's the last time we see each other!"
She was seeing him off with a smile, but Leo couldn't be fooled by it anymore. He knew very well how right she was – if not her, then he might be the one who wouldn't be alive tomorrow.
Even so...
"..." Leo clenched his fists so tight they hurt. But in the end, he refused to give in to sadness. "If I don't say farewell, then maybe we'll meet again!"
A hope that didn't exist.
He would rather hold on to it until the end, even if it was ridiculous. When she heard him say that, Anastasia's eyes went wide; but she laughed it off. He hoped that new smile was genuine.
"I had a lot of fun!" She declared. "Thank you, Leo!"
"Any time!"
And at last, he stepped out and closed the door behind him.
But as he was walking down the hallway in search of the stares, he felt as though the ground under his feet was wobbling.
But that was only him.
Until he could forget about this unlikely moment when their short-lived paths had crossed, his feet would be heavy like lead.
Thanks for reading.
I suppose that wasn't a chapter any of you expected. It came out a bit short in the end. Or did it come out a bit long? I'm not sure.
~Legends Storyteller
