Disclaimer, in case it wasn't obvious. I don't own Inuyasha, or really any other property. Thank you.
Being Alive
Chapter XXIII: Nothing More.
Sesshoumaru the Elder:
… My memories… I still. I still have them…
The first thought to enter his mind was a strange confirmation that he was not dead. It felt almost impossible to open his eyes… but he felt warm. It wasn't from an impossible fever and the concentration of his warmth to an infection though. He was covered in what he knew was a set of warm furs. There was light as well, sunlight. It only added to his warmth, though the air was still cool from the season, and because he could tell there was a familiar, almost mountain-air about this place. There was an instinct which he'd not felt since he was a child to just roll over and continue sleeping.
It was overridden, if only because he had no idea where he was, or how long he'd been… incapacitated. Had Inuyasha somehow dragged him to some mountain? And how would that have helped with his current-
Carefully, he reached up, pressing his hand against his chest where his wound would have been. There was an imperfection across the area which he could mildly feel, even as he flexed his muscles to move his arm. A scar? His body did not scar. But it was there all the same. Whatever had healed him, could not restore him to the perfect form he once had. To undo the power of Bakusaiga's venom however, even slightly, would have required a tremendous amount of effort, and a knowledge of the arcane and demonic energies even he didn't fully grasp.
"Sesshoumaru, are you truly going to just lay there? I thought this behavior was addressed centuries ago."
The voice.
Slowly, his eyes opened, taking in his surroundings to confirm where he was.
It was all too apparent who it was. When his eyes opened, the familiar setting was absorbed into his vision. It was far from ornate, but it was very clean, with several pieces of art adorning the walls. The walls hadn't changed almost at all as far as he could tell. There were simple furnishings of incredible craftsmanship. White walls and solid wood made up every piece. A set of his father's armour rest over a manikin next to an opening in the wall opposite of him. The bed he was on was familiar, because it'd been one which he'd inhabited as a child.
When his still tired eyes came to the door, the figure standing within it was another familiar sight. Seeing her multiple times in one year had been unprecedented in the last several centuries, truly. There was a realization immediately that she had been the one to save him. It'd not been some hurdle he'd overcome on his own. A mistake on his part, a true and absolute failure, had the human monk, Inuyasha, and his mother trying to save him? The truth was, it wasn't gratifying in any way. It was shameful that he'd been the one so weak that others had come to his aid. The last memory he had of such a time was when he'd nearly been killed ironically before the manifestation of Bakusaiga.
"Are you upset, Sesshoumaru? Would you have rather I left you to die?" she asked as she stepped down the three small steps into the room before seemingly gliding over the finished wooden floor. "Though I would say you've not earned such a death, I know you'd reject that out of hand. I would instead tell you that your time here isn't over yet, Sesshoumaru."
He'd not bothered to look at her as she loomed over his bed. Instead, he tried to get up. Despite having much more ability to put himself into motion, he felt every muscle in his body protest at the chance of even rising. It was yet more humiliating. He couldn't even push himself out of bed. Half-way to even sitting up his body almost fell back into itself, falling back onto his comfortable prison. He narrowed his eyes on his mother, not only for her seeing him in such a state, but in accusation, seemingly, as if she'd conspired to put him here.
"You'll need several days more rest to even get up. Perhaps another few more than that before you can easily travel again," she pointed out to him, giving him a knowing smile as she did. "Though I know once you can walk, you'll attempt to leave."
She was enjoying this. That was the most infuriating part about all of it.
"Where are Inuyasha and the human?" Sesshoumaru aske, his attention turning to his companions while he remained imprisoned.
"Safe," she assured him. "Though I hate having such things dragged around my home. I've allowed them some capacity here. I knew you'd want them to not be killed while you are recovering."
An annoyed glance turned back at her once more.
"Sesshoumaru, not everything I say is an attack on your accomplishments or character, or even your motivations."
Now it was time to just look away. He'd only need to spend a few days here. His mother's estimates were off if only because he'd not want her to be right. Just as she'd predicted Naraku's accelerated presence upon the release of Inuyasha. She likely knew more than she was letting on. Which was typical-
A hand pressed against the top of his own, it was an uncharacteristic sign of affection from her. There were no hugs, or anything that even remotely resembled it since the moment of his childhood. Why she'd chosen this moment to reach out to him he didn't even know. How she knew he was dying so obviously he also didn't realize.
He tried to give her a suspicious look, but in truth he couldn't stare at her. People reaching out to him like this… he didn't understand, or want to understand why it was happening. He was fine, and he was powerful, even without Bakusaiga. He didn't need others to divulge things to him, or to try to be there for him.
"Myoga told me, by the way," she commented. "He used an old stone your father had placed near the resting place of the Five Shards of the Fallen One to tell me of your condition. I'd not been sure how sincere he was, but it seems he wasn't overreacting for once."
"Hn."
The response was short. If anything, he'd rather not even speak of it, truthfully. Being saved by his mother was the same as having his hand held as a child while doing something dangerous. He'd fought a thousand battles, and he was reduced to this. There was however, an audible sigh from the other party in the room as her hand was withdrawn, clearly seeing how uncomfortable the situation had already become. He was grateful, though she'd yet to completely move away.
"Are you so ashamed of my help, Sesshoumaru?" she finally asked. "Would you have left your own daughter to die of her wounds, if you could prevent it?"
"I do not have a daughter."
"We both know that isn't true. Even if it is odd that you'd take a human child as your ward, you most certainly were the only father she'd ever known, or at least remembered."
The privacy he enjoyed had been violated, but never so flagrantly, or boldly even. It wasn't in discomfort or self-pity that he turned his eyes to his mother now, it was anger. He felt like if he had the strength, he'd have made a series of terrible mistakes in that moment. He almost felt his eyes shift even.
"You're being ridiculous. But this is what I've come to expect. I don't think my help would have been any better received by the other you either. Not everything anyone ever does for you is a sign of weakness, Sesshoumaru."
"Get out," he ordered her.
There was a small laugh of amusement.
"Get out? This is my home, Sesshoumaru," she said, her tone fading from it's amused tone. "Though I have only come to check on you. Forgive me for overstepping my bounds. A mother's concern."
"A meddler's concern," he was quick to add.
"Oh yes, Sesshoumaru. How I have muddled with your affairs," she mocked him. "If I had been, I'd have already confronted you about all the dreams I'm sure you've been having. If you want me to be critical of your actions, I can be. Instead, I have only shown my concerns…"
"Dreams," he scoffed. "I've had no such thing."
There was the lie, he cleverly disguised it as flat mockery of his own. Her insights were unfairly guided, if only from their original meeting. He had no idea if she'd acquired anything since then-
"Are you truly prepared to lie to me, Sesshoumaru?" she responded seriously. "Or are you assuming I acquired such knowledge through some kind of trickery?"
There was no reason to respond, or even to engage at this point. If he couldn't leave, he'd just choose to ignore her. Already he'd become frustrated with her saving him, especially with such an obvious ploy, and then there was the fact that she now opted to try and console him, and for what?
"Sesshoumaru, while you were laying here for the last three days, you've murmured in your sleep. Of people I know, and of things I was unaware. I know you've been dreaming because you spoke aloud. And I know your dreams are all of regret. They are everything I warned you of while you were growing, but just like your father's insights for so long, you have ignored my warning. Worse, you have accomplished more than your father ever did, and yet you still allowed such weakness to occur. I am sorry if I offended your sense of pride by saving you. If I'd known you were so tormented, I might very well have let you leave."
Part of him wished he had. The demon, Kaishi, had been right about one thing. An end to his journey might have meant an end to the nagging moments which followed him, the moments he couldn't let go of and that haunted his sleeping moments. The moments that had revealed his weakness not only to his mother but to Inuyasha as well. Waking up in the night with a look of concern from his human brother had been another humiliation.
"It's not what you think," he finally said.
"Oh? The girl named Rin? I knew about her before you informed me to cease using the stone your father so generously gave me. You stood by her the entirety of her life. You were there for her as any father would be. The only mistake you made was you opted to care for a child who would die before you. Claim you are her father or not, it doesn't matter Sesshoumaru. You have achieved all the things Toga wanted you to."
The accusation of his adoptive parentage to Rin were aggravating in the extreme, almost as horrendous as her prior accusation, but if this were-
Toga?
"Your father did tell me about your confrontation at the Castle, you know. He had been curious if I had been informed, or had been a motivator behind it. He was concerned for my feelings on the matter," she said simply. "I told him you'd not told me anything. It was truly heartwarming knowing that my son cared so much for my honour however. You were always such a kind son."
The look of stone he gave her in response was a deliberate rebuke of her comment to his sweet qualities.
"He remarked that you were a brother to no one. You judged him as a father without being one. And that you'd never been in love with anyone. He said to me you lived the life of a corpse, awaiting only glory you never earned, deserved, or would understand what it meant. A harsh criticism of you, certainly, though he did express the hope-"
"A criticism from a man who died for his human concubine no less," Sesshoumaru reminded her. "Father was not as flawed as I had accused him of, but I do not care what he thought of me…"
"You became a brother to someone, twice. Both here, and in your own time. Both by trial, and by blood. You fought Inuyasha and fought alongside him. The evidence was obvious given how he almost attacked me to protect you while you were left on the cliffside. A touching moment, even if he is a half-demon."
A pause came, but only as she expected him to react. It was best to stay quiet. Her rendition of characters and events weren't accurate, as far as he wanted them to be. Or worse, they were accurate to how things truly were, and perhaps he thought being silent might contain the truth of the matter. Living up to what Toga had wanted him to be was… not the objective he'd had in his life.
I thought you should know. I'll miss you. I won't forget what you've done for me. And I won't forget that you were my brother.
Inuyasha's words to him near his unconsciousness were enough to make him understand…
"And you loved a woman. You don't need to hear it from me. I know why you carried the fan, and I know why you gave it to her here."
"Ridiculous."
That was a step too far. Claiming he'd somehow fallen in love with a woman who died in a meadow. A woman who'd come to him to bribe him for his help. Perhaps he admired her tenacity, but he would never say he loved anyone, or was in love with them, as his mother had implied. She didn't know what she was talking about.
There was a moment of exasperation on her part finally before she just shook her head.
"Very well Sesshoumaru, it's ridiculous."
She didn't retract the statement which he knew she wouldn't have anyway. The fact she'd accused him of having dreams, and provided the evidence he knew there was upset him. Not just because it called into question his own ability, but also because it called into question his control. Worse, he knew it spoke poorly of him, it was a grim reflection upon himself. He had become weak, just as his younger self had accused him of.
"… You're supposed to get over these things."
The words hit him as he looked back at her, seeing… concern. Much as himself, she tried to conceal everything behind a mask of indifference or ruthlessness. To admit that there were things to get over would be the last thing he would ever want to do. To admit to another person that he was alone was…
No. I won't consider it.
"Sesshoumaru, finding love, being a parent, having a brother, all the things your father wished you would experience come with a price, especially when dealing with mortals. It means you might lose those things. It's apart of being alive."
Being alive? Talking about the death of others, the failures he'd acquired, the scars he now bore, and chalking it up to it being what it was. His father had played an even crueler irony on him, perhaps as revenge, when he gave him the Tenseiga. Because for the man who carried a sword that gave him mastery over death… he could never reverse the deaths that… hurt him.
Those deaths were forever.
So, she was concerned for him, and concerned that he dreamed. He dreamed of the things he'd lost, he dreamed of the things which he could no longer have.
He thought to say something, his head even rose up as if he was going to, but the words died in his throat. She hadn't been there, and the only time she had been, she saw his own pain and it was enough for her to reverse the lesson she wanted to teach. When all of the things took place, she was far away from his life, and rightly so. It wasn't as if he shared her burdens either. But her criticism of him failing to live up to her expectations was, rightly or wrongly, her choice. He was the one who had to live with what happened when his eyes closed, not her. He already understood what failures they were.
The only surprise to him was that she'd displayed any sympathy at all for it. Even his rescue seemed outside of what he knew she would have expected.
There wasn't another word spoken. He barely knew how long she stood there, he ceased knowing or caring. She left the room eventually as she'd arrived. Critical in her concern as she always was, it left him with things to think on. However, it also left him with a grim reality. The dreams wouldn't stop until he could resolve them. There was no fixing the things that now haunted his sleeping moments. Though of all the things she said, there was one he still felt his teeth biting into.
I did not love Kagura. I only was there for her. No one else was.
The red eyes he'd seen look back at him came to his mind with the thought. He still didn't understand the smile, even if he'd had a glimmer of it the other night. But when he remembered her eyes there was a feeling he couldn't describe. Was it sorrow? Was it about the loss? There was something else, mixing and twisting inside of it.
No. It was not that. She is wrong.
There was a sense of almost guilt that hit him while his thoughts lingered to it. If what his mother described was true, that made it all the worse then, wouldn't it? It made it all the crueler that Tenseiga didn't save her, or that he'd never agreed to help her retrieve her heart. Or that he'd failed to kill Naraku in time. As that would have meant he'd have failed to save the woman he'd fallen in love with… Or worse, he let her die.
He was not so… pathetic to have allowed that, any of it. He was just there. He was just an observer. Nothing more… He couldn't have been anything more.
His eyes moved around the room as he tried to clear his thoughts. Strength he couldn't summon early allowed him to push himself up. The weakness in his frame almost vanishing for a moment as he felt his breathing hitch. He couldn't just lay here. He needed to move. He didn't want to be stuck here a moment longer. Twisting his body for his feet to touch the floor, he exerted all his effort to get himself to get up. His legs wobbled for a moment as he managed to hold on. There were no mirrors in the room, though there was a small reserve of open water, contained behind a wooden outcropping in the room. Taking several well thought out steps forward, he almost forgot how to walk seemingly as he struggled with every step, his knees almost giving out each time.
When he reached the small pool, his eyes looked into the reflection in the water, as if to confirm he was who he thought he was. Golden eyes peered back at him, familiar but strained. The body he saw however was not his own. The scar that traced over it cut from the bottom of his right pectoral muscle to the top of his left shoulder. It wasn't clean, being jagged. Its deep colour deepened the mark. He could see where new muscle and skin had formed. It was even perhaps reflective of the self-caused injuries of the things his father had wanted him to have. Bakusaiga, the last gift from his father, had marred him in the same way now.
Taking two handfuls of water he splashed them against his face. The water was frigid, which was preferable. He found himself just hanging over where he was, breathing in and out while he peered into the pool itself, trying to rationalize what he now saw. It was as if someone had once more cut off his arm, only this was as healed as it would become. A lasting scar.
Fitting.
Pulling himself back, he felt himself just trying to stay standing. He needed to leave. When he took his first few steps towards the exit, he felt his entire world start spinning again, though not from the fever. His head was on straight, but his body was barely responsive. After a few steps, his knee buckled, leaving him to fall, crashing into the floor. Stubbornly, he reached out even as his arm trembled, having been pushed too far, too fast. Grasping at the wooden floor with his claws, they weren't even strong enough to leave a mark in the panel beneath him. He tried to pus himself back up as he had before, only feeling his body slipping out from beneath him.
And now here he was.
His legs slipped out from beneath him every time he tried to reposition his legs, or push to his knees. Managing to pull himself closer to one side, of only barely, he felt fury at his situation. Fury rapidly mixed with the grim reality of what had been the source of all his pain. Here he was, unable to even care for himself, and he could do nothing but rage. The fires of his anger still burned brightly as he became angrier and angrier with every slip, or with every failure of a muscle to do as it was ordered.
He didn't want anyone else here. He was strong enough to weather all of this alone.
Alone.
The word came to his mind, mocking him in his own tone. It was as if his other self had said it to him, rather than his own mind.
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Sesshoumaru the Younger:
Strange.
He was no longer outside, even before his eyes opened. Relatively warm, though with a slight bit of cool air making its way in. The scent of burning wood, a fire? That was what was providing the warmth. Eyes opened to reveal a primitive ceiling, and revealed himself in his still battle-worn attire. He was on a simple bed in a very simple, small home. His nose detected the scent of fish? Yes, it was fish. This was a fisherman's hut. There was blood in the air, some of it his own, but the rest belonging to a human female.
He expected very little from a human habitation area, and this place still failed to meet his very low standards for these primitives. Animals were given better lodging than this. Though he could spy another two children's beds in the single room that made up this hut, he didn't consider it anything noteworthy. Sitting up in the bed, he paused when a small form stared back at him, her brown eyes wide in wonder.
This was the one the sword had me protect.
The smile was broad, but there was something else behind it. He could tell already she was happy to see that he was awake, though there was something else.
"Mom! Dad!" she shouted. "Mom! He's awake! He's awake!"
The celebratory tone which she used was filled with expectation. He looked to his side, seeing his swords laid out on the bed next to him, Bakusaiga without a scabbard, for now. The blades were as they were, his own form as untouched as someone could be for being moved. Raising his finger to the girl to silence her, she stopped, her eyes widening.
"Girl," he said bluntly, wanting to keep the conversation at its most minimal. "How long have I rested?'
She blinked several times before speaking.
"It's been 3 days, my lord. We did everything to make you comfy and-"
Getting up from the bed, he secured his swords to his side before moving towards the barely acceptable exit to this hovel. Before he could however, the door opened in the inverse as a woman came into view. The one who'd been holding the girl so tightly prior, the woman shot by the arrow. This place was filled with her blood. Outside was filled with the scent of dead fish and something else. Another kind of decay, a human body? It was a few days old as well. It was odd, normally they would have buried their dead by now.
The woman fell to her knees immediately, as if begging for mercy.
"Yo-you're awake," she said, her brown eyes as soft as her daughter's. "F-forgive us, we needed to try and help the others after you delivered to us your blessing."
Blessing?
The male appeared next, dropping to his knees along with his wife, bowing his head almost pleadingly.
"We are unworthy, your protection in this life and the next cannot be forgotten," he said quickly before eying past him, a horrified look appearing on his face. "Rin! Rin, please, show the proper respect."
The girl to his left seemed surprised, having addressed him as if he was familiar acquaintance rather something to be bowed to. It still took her a few seconds to understand what was being asked of her as her parents clearly increasingly panicked, not wanting to get up themselves for fear of offending him.
"Oh!" she blurted out, before dropping to her knees as well, bowing her head.
"Please, great giver of life, bring my brother back from the dead," she requested, speaking as if she'd rehearsed the line, though he could hear her sincerity. She sounded more like she didn't want to make any errors in her request.
A brother?
The relevance of these humans meant very little to him, but he was already beginning to put together what these primitives thought. They believed him to be some kind of spirit of protection and healing? It was almost amusing how misguided that was. Though the self-interest of his care was obvious to him. It was to not anger what they perceived as their defender and reward him for showing them favour. The girl's plea that he create some kind of miracle to save her sibling was another point of their human nature.
The parents were clearly uncomfortable at how this request was delivered as well.
"Move," he ordered the two adults, who hurried shuffled from his path after rising.
Opening the door to the outside he was greeted by the natural sun. It was mid-day. Nearby he could see fishing lines in the river, as well as a prepping area for dealing with the caught fish.
"Have we upset him?"
"Rin, what were you doing?"
"I was only asking him for help. He's a good spirit. He will help us if we ask! I know he is."
"Rin, be quiet."
The sound of the male exiting the home next already grated on him. He was trying to get a bearing of where he was based on other information, scents, the wind, and visual references. Which mountains he could see from here would help him judge that. There was a village nearby, perhaps a hundred metres away, and a small footpath leading through the brush.
There was also a body? His eyes turned to a corpse of a boy. He was no older than perhaps 12? There were linens covering him. That was what he'd smelled from within the hut. The corpse of a child. Behind him, he could hear the man nervously approaching, stopping a few feet away. He didn't bother to give him his attention.
"My Lord," the man spoke. "I would humbly ask you to save my boy. I would offer you anything in my possession to see Takuma return to us."
The words came to him, though they meant nothing. They had nothing to offer, and he had no interest in helping. Even if he did have such an interest, it was mute. The blade would no find soul to retrieve. The boy had been dead for too long, and nothing held him where he was. He was sure beneath whatever covers wrapped the body he had already sufficiently decayed.
Continuing to ignore the man, Sesshoumaru's attention was drawn towards a distinct range of mountains in the distance, which always would have a cloud hanging in the sky covering its peak. That, he knew, was where a familiar figure lay. He wouldn't bother to approach such a place, not as he was. Though perhaps soon he would display the power of the sword he was destined to possess.
"I would trade… I would trade my own life," he offered. "My son was stolen from me by the bandits you brought your wrath down upon. Please, great lord, I ask you humbly once more."
"Quiet," Sesshoumaru ordered, leaving the man in immediate silence.
Turning his head and noting from their stance, the couple had reunited with the woman being behind the man, urging him to stop. He looked defeated, heartbroken even. There was a choking noise from him as his head turned down. Both of their emotions were overtaking them. Simple creatures with simple desires. He had-
The girl walked past the two, coming to his side and tugging on his sleave.
"Rin, by the Gods-"
"My brother's over there. I miss him a lot, even though he's a jerk to me sometimes. Mom says that if the Gods are kind, you'll bring him back to us like you did father," she said, her tone almost demanding, being forward. "We really want to see him again."
The words of a child, but one who'd not learned her manners yet. Though obviously he would attribute that to being the daughter of simple villagers. He could see the fear in her mother's eyes, though her father was still struggling with the knowledge that his son was now well and truly gone.
"And why would the Gods give you such a gift, girl?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"My name is Rin," she responded back. "My name's not girl. That's only what strangers would call me, but you've been living with us, and we're not strangers. What's your name?"
He was caught off guard by the question, if only momentarily. Without even thinking, he answered.
"Sesshoumaru."
"Thank you for saving me and my family, Lord Sesshoumaru," she said, her smile brightening. "Can you save my brother too? I know mom and dad are really-"
He shook his head, and immediately her eyes fell from him. Not out of fear or anger, but out of perhaps disappointment and grief.
"Oh…" she responded quietly. "… I… I think you would have liked to have met him! Takuma really liked the idea of going on adventures! When his friends come over, if Takuma's here, they could show you the spot along the river where…"
The child was still demanding his attention. He wasn't sure if it was her annoyance, or the fact she seemed to never cease her bombardment of requests and words, but he decided to show some compassion to her, if only because he got a partial response as to what he wanted before.
"Your brother died too many days ago, I cannot bring him back," Sesshoumaru confirmed. "His soul is beyond my reach. Your family is now 3, not 4."
Her hand left his sleeve as she finally grew quiet.
"Lord Sesshoumaru," the mother said, her own voice straining with every word. "Thank you. For everything you did for us. Thank you for saving my husband and my daughter. We can never repay you for your kindness."
Perhaps they could be being quiet.
"Forgive us our… mistake… asking you for more," the father then added, his tone still rife with his grief. "I have shamed us. But please, I only did so because… I loved my son. I… I loved him very much."
There was a brief regard he gave for the parents, before looking down at the girl again, standing there in her worn kimono. Tenseiga seemed to almost vibrate, as did Bakusaiga. He didn't understand. He'd saved the girl, upon their request. They were as annoying as the family itself.
Hn.
Something seemed off. There was something familiar about all this, yet still wrong. He was yet to understand it. It was as if something had changed that wasn't meant to. He had no knowledge of such a thing, but he had an idea of such a thing. It was ominous.
I've done as you asked, blades. Bother me no longer.
Striding forward, he continued his journey. The journey of power and strength. Despite his defeat at the hands of his weaker double and Inuyasha… something he would rectify in short order, there was a truth to all of it. He was the one who truly won their last battle, regardless of his displacement. Even now, wounded as he was, it would heal in time. The blade he now possessed made him the stronger than he'd ever imagined. Whatever these blades kept trying to tell him, he didn't care. He'd heeded their advice enough for now. The girl and her parents had safeguarded him for the days he needed to rest, and now his journey could continue.
On the wind he could detect a scent, a familiar one. Kohaku and Jaken, though they were many days away still.
Just as he'd thought. His double was still so weak that he couldn't even take such pieces out of play.
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Inuyasha:
Great. Stuck in a castle in the clouds with my Sesshoumaru's mom. Yea, this was definitely how I wanted to spend a few days or weeks.
It was especially awkward even being here, given that she didn't address Miroku directly, at all, and more or less he was only getting fed because Inuyasha was giving him half of his food. Not only was it annoying because he hated sharing, it was annoying because she was obviously giving him bigger helpings than he'd normally eat, with just the idea that he was going to distribute it to Miroku. She was every bit as bad as Sesshoumaru, only more like the other one, given she had such an attitude about Miroku.
At least she acknowledged him, despite his 'flaws'. The scale of the arrogance on display was remarkable. Though he did notice that he'd caught her sparing him a glance more than once. Why, he couldn't imagine, given she'd made it pretty clear so far in their 'stay' that he was more or less a freak.
"Inuyasha," Miroku said from the garden, looking around at how well kept everything was in the courtyard seemingly.
He found himself sitting under a walkway with a stream running through it. The garden itself spanned much of the middle of the courtyard. A little manicured nature at the top of the world, he was sure. It was pleasant, it was peaceful. In fact, most of what was up here was peaceful. The serenity of it was almost unnerving in and of itself. There were servants, but they were never seen. This place was definitely not somewhere he wanted to stick around.
"What is it?" Inuyasha asked, looking back over to the monk within a few seconds.
"Did you think the Lady of this place, Sesshoumaru's apparent mother has been our host now for 3 days and claims Sesshoumaru will take weeks to heal. Though I find this probable, we've not seen Sesshoumaru. We have to take her on her word. Though I am fairly certain she is who she claims, shouldn't we be preparing for a reality that is not the case?" Miroku asked. "Not that I'd want to plot against such a beautiful woman under any normal circumstances, of course, nor is it plotting, but we really should be considering our circumstances. Outside of these walls appear to be endless cliffs, magical barriers, and heavenly clouds."
The con-artist doesn't want to get conned, Inuyasha got that. He knew from their scent that she was Sesshoumaru's mom, and she was a greater-dog-demon like his sibling. There wasn't much of a reason to lie, the fact she looked like him too, and had the same stick shoved up her ass was another indicator. There was no questioning her identity, and if she said Sesshoumaru was alive, and was going to take weeks to get better, she was probably being honest. Miroku notably didn't like her probably for two key reasons which he already had put together within an hour of getting here. She was so powerful he was too afraid to grope her, and that fear meant he wasn't able to build up the courage to ask her about bearing his stupid kids, and the fact that she didn't acknowledge him in any meaningful way and more or less thought he was his slave. Or at the very least was treating him like his own property or pet, that was.
"Nah, if she wanted to kill us, she probably would have by now," Inuyasha reasoned back. "She'd just have killed us when we first met her. She's stronger than me probably right now, the only one here who could put her down is Sesshoumaru, and I don't think that's going to happen for some pretty obvious reasons. Similar aura, similar scent. She's not faking. Besides, you're still a bit banged up yourself and after fighting that creepy bitch I'm not exactly in the best shape either."
The monk regarded what he said for a few moments before nodding, but smiled while closing his eyes.
"You are correct. Thankfully for us all, she's a very beautiful woman-"
I reassure this guy for 2 seconds and he starts thinking that she's a valid option for him? Did Kaishi hit him in the head or something?
There was a truly stunned moment as he heard him speaking before Inuyasha opted to shut him down.
"Miroku, I swear to whatever spirits are here if you say what I think you're about to say I'll kill you before she does. Are you out of your mind? You know Sesshoumaru, where do you think he got most of his ticks?"
The monk paused, looking back at him, noting that he must have been wearing a face that implied more than a little bit of concern.
C'mon dummy, think with the bigger head for a minute.
"A jest, I assure you," Miroku said, making an about-change of comments as he smiled uncomfortably. "I would never of course, make advances on Lord Sesshoumaru's mother, if not for fear of my own life alone. I was more referring to her unnatural beauty!"
"I don't think she's into compliments. Try not getting me killed, please?"
A sigh came before Miroku put up his hands in defeat, closing his eyes again as if hiding from his ire.
"Alright, alright, I'll keep my tongue firmly in place. I just thought-" one eye opened as he prepared to look back, but the other flashed open suddenly as he looked behind Inuyasha.
Oh no, what now?
Turning around, Inuyasha almost jumped out of his skin when the woman in question was standing there, not more than a body-length away from him, her stone-cold features lit up by amused eyes that she stared back at him.
"I take it that you aren't too restless? I would hope not regardless," she remarked simply, not even bothering, as per usual, of addressing Miroku. "Come with me."
Turning to leave, she gestured to him to follow. Bare feet splashed into the small stream beneath him, stepping over rocks before pressing his feet into the soft grass before finding the path. She stopped abruptly, turning her gaze behind her critically, glaring at the monk.
"I did not invite your pet, Inuyasha. Tell it to stay behind."
Miroku's body language became deflated as he sighed, stopping in his tracks.
"Apologies, my Lady-"
"Tell it not to address me unless addressed as well," she added, cutting Miroku off.
He waited for a second, before realizing that she was actually expecting him to say those things.
"Miroku, you hang back, and don't talk to her unless she talks to you first, okay?" Inuyasha said, turning to look at his human counterpart, when he did, he was trying not to look like too big of a jerk. He'd been in Miroku's shoes now in the past.
"I understand," Miroku responded to him, trying to avoid even looking at their host.
Turning back to her, he himself now looking for some kind of approval, it was giving by virtue of the fact she'd looked away before beginning to walk forward again. Taking his cue, he started walking after her. It was so odd to think that this was his father's wife. Not that he knew, or cared about his old man, but it was something he'd not really thought much of. He didn't know him. The only things he'd ever heard were from his own mother and Myoga, talking about how great he was. In the case of the former, she was so closed-up about it she barely gave him any details at all, other than that he was an honourable, good man who loved both of them very much.
Yea, for some reason I think maybe dad wasn't particularly happy here with Sesshoumaru's mother. Maybe seeing a couple hints of that now.
Stepping through the doors into the grander palace's structure, he walked over the wooden floors, immaculately kept and now dirtied by his feet. When he quickly looked behind himself, the floor was clean again. He didn't hear anyone, but he could sense things. It was more than a little frustrating.
Stepping through another set of doors, he came into a very quiet room. It was lit well by candles and he could see a small table with cushions on either side, a pot of tea, already steaming, waiting for him. Was she inviting him to tea? It was weird in the extreme. Walking to her position, she sat down and didn't move, before the golden eyes turned towards him, her hand gestured, offering him his own seat. He knew better than to say no, not that he had any objection, it was just strange.
"Sit," she offered.
For some reason he hated hearing that word.
Taking steps over to the other side of the table, he sat down himself, in silence. She began pouring tea for them both, starting with his. He was going to politely reject but she gave him a look before she started pouring, insisting on the matter. Looking around the room's well-crafted walls and wooden trim for the surreal seconds so far that he'd been there, he felt increasingly at odds with where he was.
She picked up her own tea, taking a small sip before almost ordering him with a glance to begin drinking his own tea. He always hated decorum. While they were eating on the road he ate as far and however much he wanted. He was sloppy, he bit into things, he drank quickly, and there wasn't any of the false pretenses of measurement or control. He knew full well Sesshoumaru thought he was a pig and he didn't care. Well now, with the crazy mom here, he had to care. Picking up his own cup, he carefully took a sip. It was warm, and could detect some honey inside of the liquid, as well as something else… a herb? A muscle relaxer of some kind. This was for stress relief, he suspected.
Placing his cup down, having indulged her sense of politeness, he just sat there, not having much to say. He was almost too afraid to say anything that could strike up a conversation, just on the basis that he knew she was expecting a certain level of civility. Swearing and being loud were a bit more in his realm, rather than politeness.
"The spell cast on you by the foreign sword seems broken," she observed. "Though I have assumed that it was Sesshoumaru who freed you from your curse."
"Yea," he answered, trying to not sound uncomfortable. "He and Miroku stopped me and destroyed the sword."
She regarded his comment before taking another sip from her tea. When her eyes peered back at him critically, he internally groaned, taking up his cup again and taking another sip as well.
"It's good," he informed her, not lying, even if he'd rather not be having it at the moment.
"What did your mother tell you of your father?"
There it was. That was what this was all about, or at least somewhat about. It was more than strange because he didn't know anything about his old man. He didn't even know his name really; he was just the great lord of the west. He knew his mom had mentioned in passing as Toga once, but that name felt exceptionally unfamiliar. He was the father he never had. So, he wasn't going to be able to give anything approaching a satisfying answer.
"He was strong and honourable," Inuyasha said, picking up the tea himself this time and taking another sip, averting his eyes to try and conceal his own ignorance.
He opted not to mention anything regarding his father's love for his mother as well, given that he had more than a suspicion as to why Sesshoumaru and his mother didn't get along.
"Your father lived a life for over 1200 years, and your mother encompassed it in simply saying that he was strong and honourable?" the Lady responded, her tone almost unchanging, but at the edge of each word he could hear something close to irritation. "No mention of the wars he fought, the battles he won, the castles he built, or the deals he struck? He was simply strong and honourable."
Lady, I dunno. Does anyone even really remember him outside of some of you older types? Seriously?
Looking around uncomfortably, Inuyasha tried to play things off, laughing nervously.
"Hey, well, I never paid the most attention, you know? Maybe she did mention something more about Tota than I thought," he responded.
"Tota?" came the response.
"… You know, dad, right?"
There was almost a tick he could see. It was similar to when Sesshoumaru was getting furious over someth- TOGA. SHIT! That was his name wasn't it? Why was she grilling him on all this so much? Couldn't he just-
Any thought of saying really anything at all evaporated as he grew quieter by the moment. Even thinking of moving to take another sip of the tea became taboo for him while he felt most definitely not relaxed by the tea any longer.
"You know, or care, so little that you don't understand anything your father did?" she asked. "Are all humans so lacking in their cares?"
You know what? Screw this.
"Yea, lady, you know I never met him, right? I hate to tell you this, but the only thing I got from my old man was this sword. Other than that, I got a mom who could barely take care of me, I got people hating me everywhere I go for being a half-demon, and don't think I've not noticed the sideways glances up here too, oh, and I got an older brother who until recently, threatened me and tried to kill me," he snapped, crossing his arms in a huff before turning his head away. "FEH! Excuse me for not keeping my dad in my thoughts all the time."
As his outburst subsided, he felt the air around him getting colder. Indignant as he was at her outrage, he was realizing he might have shot his mouth off a little too much. And by a little too much, it was at all.
Well, I'm not afraid.
Peaking one eye open nervously, he saw her sitting there, but he didn't see her fuming, or even getting up.
"I don't see many half-demons," she noted, her tone as calm as stilled-water. "Your kind is most certainly burdened. It was unfair of your father to place you into that circumstance. Though I know he had already gone off the path I would have preferred he'd been on by then. Toga was a strange one, he always had a place in his heart for humans. It was something I never fully understood myself."
Unfolding his arms, he turned his attention to the woman as she spoke, clearly going down a lane of memories. It was strange to think that maybe things were more complicated than just that Toga was unhappy and left this woman for his own mother. He knew right away, even with how she spoke, that she missed his father. Someone who'd left her and dishonoured her, according to Sesshoumaru, she still missed him all this time later? Getting any sympathy from her at all was even more odd, was it because of the fact he was this guy's son? It must have been.
Damn, this is uncomfortable.
"Still, a half-demon such as yourself will continue to face many burdens, if you are much like your father as you look, then you will find a way to persevere," she said, before regarding him more directly, her eyes focusing in on him.
It was like she was peering through him, offering him a brief second of vulnerability. Why though? He didn't understand. Why would she say any of this? Why would any of this come up? But despite himself, Inuyasha felt himself start to see what was being conveyed to him, as much as he could hear it.
"And I am quite aware that you saved Sesshoumaru, 3 times in the course of only a few days. They'll not give you the credit for it, though they are stubborn and rooted in their ways. Their arrogance and ego don't help either, and as strange as it sounds, I am happy that they have a brother such as yourself. Despite your obvious shortcomings-" Gee, thanks. "- you are very much your father's son. I know Toga would be proud of the man you are. Though you could use better manners."
What the Hell did you say to that? His mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out. He didn't know Toga. He didn't know anything about him. But the person he met now who knew his father better than anyone said he'd be proud of him? For the first time in a long time, there was a distant sense of loss, a hole that'd been left unpatched, but ignored. It wasn't overwhelming, it wasn't something that would swallow him, but he could feel it around the edges as his heart beat. The gnawing in his stomach, the slow uptick in his heartrate as he digested everything that was said.
Only one moment seemed lost on him in all of it. He'd only saved Sesshoumaru twice, not 3 times. But it'd already faded from his mind the moment she told him that about his father.
His brash attitude of rejecting these kinds of comments out of hand, or saying he didn't care, felt empty. Even if he felt the urge, he was a guest here. Even if he wasn't a guest, someone who was very strict had a very human moment with him. Even if he didn't want to think it was true, it sounded true. Instead of acknowledgement, or denial, Inuyasha was left stuck, trapped between the 2 worlds of his responses.
There was a crash outside of the room. It wasn't extreme, but it sounded like something had hit the wooden floor several rooms over. It killed the awkward silence between the two of them, though she didn't seem to recognize the noise at first, instead taking a sip from her tea one more time.
"I think there might be something more pressing to deal with," she remarked, sounding irritated, breaking through her former tone.
"What's that?"
"Someone who is stubborn and arrogant."
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Miroku:
A beautiful prison. That was what this place was, those were his thoughts as he was interrupted by Inuyasha in the garden. It was further expressed when Sesshoumaru's mother, the Lady of this palace, instructed Inuyasha to tell him not to follow them, rather than just telling him herself. Well, she didn't say to stay in the well-kept grounds of this palace, she'd just said not to follow them. If she wasn't going to be respectful to him, he was just going to start taking privileges of his own. One of which, was going anywhere he wanted, so long as he wasn't following Inuyasha, unless told otherwise.
Because he was not some animal that was following Inuyasha around. And he also wasn't going to do anything too absurd. Because, he didn't really want to bring about any kind of additional heat. In fact, maybe it might be wise to stay in the garden until Inuyasha returned? That might be what was best-
No! You know what? I'm going to go inside and find somewhere comfortable and meditate. That's what I need right now.
She'd saved Sesshoumaru's life and was providing them shelter of a sort, but he was definitely out of place here. This placed had intense demonic energies within it. His own comfort levels around this much power was very low, if only from his training as a monk and his experiences with most demons so far. Barring of course, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. They'd been traveling together for what felt like a lifetime, but in truth it'd been a few months at most. With the season changing, he expected winter to be upon them soon. They'd all met really in the middle of summer, so it'd been… almost three months? Four months? How time flew.
Still, their companionship had started off very awkwardly, but trying to save Inuyasha's brother after his wound at the hands of his own sword had felt like he'd been fighting to save a friend, and help another grieve. It was strange to even assign the word friend to a creature like Sesshoumaru, but it was true. They'd fought along side one another, travelled together, and he knew that the two demonic siblings would fight to protect him if necessary, just as he had for them against Kaishi and the other Sesshoumaru.
Perhaps together we can stop Naraku. Even with the loss of Sesshoumaru's sword. Now that Inuyasha has the Tessaiga, that might be enough, especially with my Wind Tunnel. Naraku's evil will be undone, in part from his own hubris.
With his footsteps muted as he walked as silently as possible through several short corridors once he went inside, he could sense the presence of the demonic servants that remained here. He supposed he'd never be unwatched while he was here. Still, it would be nice to just be alone, as alone as he could be, and take a few moments to relax and mediate. His injuries from the battle with the other Sesshoumaru still nagged him, though thankfully he had nothing approaching the kinds of wounds Sesshoumaru did.
Finding a room lit by candles, it seemed empty enough, with another corridor going through to the other side. Kneeling down carefully, he just knelt down before breathing in once, holding his breath for a few seconds, before exhaling through his nose. Now was the time to erase the problems and concerns of the now, and look into his spirit and find solace. Unfortunately, before he could clear his mind, he already imagined the bust of Sesshoumaru's mother, before he imagined several village-girls he'd interacted with on his journey to defeat Naraku.
To be the last of my line and to possess the burden of knowledge that my curse, and Naraku, must be stopped at any cost.
Managing to put aside the lesser demons of his own personal attractions, Miroku just sighed as he did finally begin clearing his thoughts.
Only for a crash to come about only a room away.
Eyes flashed open as the monk turned his head towards the source of the noise, guessing it was through the corridor, and likely coming from a source from the right, perhaps even another room away depending on the structure of the building. Was it his business?... Was it Inuyasha? That was a better question. Had he shot his mouth off, or enraged their host? He didn't sense anything like a gigantic explosion of demonic power, but that didn't mean something hadn't happened.
His reluctance vanished as he decided to live for the moment, grabbing his staff and gasping in pain as he got up a bit too quickly, he made his was out of the room, hobbling along as he did, but his stride being fast enough that he felt like he was moving almost at the speed he would have normally. Looking both ways, he confirmed the noise came from the right as he heard another, smaller slipping noise. With haste he made his way through another small hallway until he came upon the open, finely-crafted wooden-door.
A pair of red and blue eyes met his immediately.
For that instant he felt his life in danger as he saw the dog-demon struggling to even get to his hands and kneels, having clearly fallen. It was a terrifying, but equally… pitiable site. There was something very true though, which was that look was that of a cornered animal, and he felt like it could attack at any moment. Sesshoumaru's pride wouldn't allow him to accept any help. There wasn't a chance he was going to approach him, even in such a weakened condition.
Feet pounded against a wooden floor as he heard Inuyasha's rapid approach, before he could turn his head, he could see a flinch in Sesshoumaru's eye. Humiliation, and Miroku knew why. Just him seeing him like this was too much, but undoubtedly Inuyasha and their host would be here any second now.
There was a brief narrowing of Sesshoumaru's eyes as he managed to move slightly forward, creeping towards the half-made bed which he'd inevitably crawled out of. Closing the door himself a second later, Miroku turned to a small wooden statue of what he assumed which was some kind of dog demon. Not thinking about it, he grabbed it, tipping it over carefully while holding it like he was preparing to pick it back up, just as Inuyasha rounded the corner.
Inuyasha stopped in his tracks as Miroku turned, giving a practiced, feigned look of surprise.
"H-hey Inuyasha!"
"Miroku, what the Hell are you doing over here? And what the Hell are you doing?" the half-demon asked with a critical eye as he looked behind him, the sound of another pair of much calmer feet sounding in the distance.
"Nothing! I was just taking my time to explore the palace," he said as he pulled the sculpture back in place, patting it on top of its head. "There. Looks just as good as the moment before it fell."
The only question was, was his ploy working? He already could tell Sesshoumaru must have been trying to drag himself into a place of greater dignity, really, he just needed to stall for time.
"What the Hell, Miroku? Didn't she tell you not to follow us?!"
"No, but I'm reasonably sure you did."
"Don't get smart with me, you fucking idiot! Are you trying to get yourself killed?"
"I'm sorry, I don't recall following you anywhere! I was just looking for somewhere to meditate indoors. Forgive me for hobbling around injured," he said, his falsehoods passing by his lips with ease as he combined truth and fiction, and an experience of telling tales.
Just then, at the end of the hall, the Lady of this fine home came into view. Her stride down the hallway was graceful, and her face was lit up with confidence, though also a cold winter's day.
Right. Don't be nervous. Don't grope her. She's not going to ask you about anything anyway-
"Inuyasha, what was the noise?" she asked, her tone lit with suspicion.
"Miroku's been knocking things over," Inuyasha commented in return, sounding annoyed.
"Ah, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that my son's room is conveniently right here, does it?" she asked. "Sesshoumaru has likely ignored my warnings and fallen."
"What?" Miroku asked, displaying his false-ignorance. "N-no! I was just moving through this area."
"Inuyasha, please keep your pet's tongue where it belongs? Now, I have something to deal with."
She walked to the door before Miroku eyed Inuyasha seriously, turning his attention to the Lady as she froze in place while he stepped forward. Her golden eyes turned towards him with a scathing glare as she came into his proximity. Well, at least he knew not to be around this demon without Inuyasha or Sesshoumaru nearby. It wasn't even an attempt at groping.
"Only getting the door for you, my lady," he said, his tone filled with politeness and submission.
There was a second there where he thought her eyes might change since she seemed so mad, even if she was silent. Grabbing the edge of the door and sliding it open, he honestly didn't know what he expected to see. Revealed by the opening of the gateway however, was Sesshoumaru in the bed, looking up at all of them before he narrowed his eyes on them, as if they'd somehow offended him by their presence.
Smiling back at his demonic companion, Miroku turned to look at Sesshoumaru's mother and then Inuyasha.
"I told you, I was just looking for a place to meditate."
"…"
When she turned to look back at him, he almost felt his soul freeze, clearly having known about his deceit, though the truth, the new truth, now stared back at them as if nothing happened.
"He just looks grumpy," Inuyasha observed, before speaking out obnoxiously. "Hey, Sesshoumaru, you fall over or anything?"
The only thing he got in return was a frosty glare, much like the one Miroku himself was receiving.
"Do not disturb me," Sesshoumaru ordered.
"Do as he wishes and shut the door," the lady ordered him directly.
As soon as the door slid shut, she turned and moved past the two of them, if she were a dog, even as controlled as she was, he would have expected to see her scruff up in irritation.
"Well, that was eventful," Miroku said, smiling instinctively as he felt relief wash over his system. "It's good to notice that he's awake."
"It's good to hear he's awake," Inuyasha remarked, revealing that he suspected the same thing as Sesshoumaru's own mother, before he smirked at Miroku.
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Author's Notes:
The last of the injury chapters, thank goodness. Needed to be done! Needed to be resolved! I wanna get things moving a bit faster after the next few chapters, but there really needs to be development like this in the story, consequences to losing the sword, injuries, battles, ect.
I always struggle a bit to write Sessmom, as despite her having very little screen time in the manga, her character has a certain feel to it. I've softened her a bit for the story, but I might be able to perceive that as her knowing what's happened before, and seeing how Sesshoumaru's life played out, and actually having some concern for her boy. The part where she tells him 'you're supposed to get over these things', is really, despite her tone not reflecting it, a plea for him to just pull his shit together. She doesn't really get why all of this has impacted him so much. Ironically, despites Sesshoumaru being more like his mother overall, she's more heartless than he is. Though ironically, she's not quite as cold as she seems in other ways. She clearly cares about Sesshoumaru, and she wanted to know about Inuyasha if only to find out more about what her dead, estranged husband left behind.
Still, not a perfect replica from the manga / anime, which is more what I strive for, lol.
It's also nice that Sesshoumaru couldn't really just walk away from the conversation above, as he'd have started ignoring her way sooner if he wasn't injured and trapped in bed, lol.
I also struggled to name this chapter, but I decided on Nothing More, the internal reflection Sesshoumaru has when he thinks of Kagura after his mother accuses him (so ironic) of having loved her. I feel bad for the guy, honestly. :\
So, at some point in January Chapter 24 will go up, I'm just letting everyone know now. Yes, this is the last update for Being Alive in 2020. Also, Fuck 2020, this year's been awful. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Please leave a review, I always appreciate them.
I am posting this on Wednesday, instead of my typical Friday updates, as the chaos that is my life has gotten substantially worse this week, and I've had time to put this up today.
