Coming to terms with your sexuality is a hugely personal process.

In the show Arizona was pretty sure of her sexuality from a young age (remember the line about the Cindy Crawford poster!), so for this story I've used parts of my own coming out story.

It's a LONG chapter, but so was my coming out :)

Talking to Sam had helped and Arizona knew what she needed to do. Placing the bottle of wine back down on the counter she headed over to Callies.

Arizona knew she needed to support Callie through this difficult time as she figured out her feelings, to get her playing again, and then and only then would she allow herself to think about anything else with the American, if that was on the cards at all.

Callie smiled as opened the door to find an empty-handed Arizona standing there pulling a sorry face.

"Listen…sorry, but change of plan, can we swap wine tonight for coffee tomorrow? It's your move day right?" The blonde asked

Callie felt a wave of disappointment to hear that Arizona had changed her mind about the drink. She didn't blame her, why would she want to hang out with some messed up person who has been pretty rude to her since she arrived.

"Yeah I move tomorrow" Callie responded. Whilst she was happy to be moving into the house, it would mean she would only see the physio at their scheduled sessions.

"OK well how about I help you pack/unpack?" Arizona suggested. She could see Callie was disappointed, but it wasn't wise to throw alcohol into the mix.

Arizona continued aware that Callie hadn't accepted the offer yet " I umm can come by and pick you up at 10, we can grab some coffees and unpack and we can talk...if you want to talk that is...it's just it seems like it would maybe help...you know, to talk!" Arizona realised she was rambling on and closed her mouth to allow Callie to respond.

"Thank you Dr Robbins…that would be great" Callie said softly

"Alright then. I'll see you at 10am Torres" she smiled before adding "Now try and get some sleep, it will be OK...I promise" before turning and walking away.

Callie shut the door and lent her head against it letting out a slow groan as she thought about Arizona and her offer. Callie hoped that talking things through would enable her to focus her feelings, so she could see Jess and give her the answers she needed.

Callie grabbed her phone and sent a message to Jess

Hi. I saw the game. Total dive. I'm sorry I'm not there for you, I just need some time to work things out, and then we'll talk. C x

Callie could see that Jess had read the message, but she never received a response back.

--

"Hey you!" Arizona said chirpily pleased to see a slightly more rested Callie open the door "you ready?" she asked as walked into the apartment.

"Yeap all packed and ready to go" Callie responded to the blonde who was back in a tracksuit, hair tied up with no sign of any make up today. "It's just these suitcases" Callie said pointing to the stuff she quickly thrown together after the deadline day signing when she had jumped on the plane with Stacey.

"Wow, you travel light!" Arizona commented "this is going to take no time at all!"

"Umm not really – wait til you see the stuff that Stacey has sent over from Florida. I couldn't decide what I needed, so I think she's packed everything!" Callie gave a small chuckle "I also think Stacey probably thinks that if I have all my stuff around me, I'm more likely to stay".

"Why?" Arizona asked worriedly "Are you ummm thinking of leaving?"

"I was" Callie responded "I mean I'm only here for a season as it is, but I was seriously considering throwing the towel in last week" Callie admitted to the blonde

"Oh" Arizona replied "and now?" she asked

"Honestly…I don't know. I promised Stacey I'd give it a go, but then the whole Jess thing happened and it's umm thrown me a bit." Callie responded

"Sure, well that's fair enough. Listen how about we get this stuff in the car and once we're unpacked we can talk?" Arizona said changing the subject. The prospect of Callie moving back to the States was just another reason not to even think about anything happening.

Callie nodded "Of course. I'm sorry Dr Robbins"

"Nope…not Dr Robbins today….today it's Arizona and you have nothing to apologise for OK?" The blonde said looking over at Callie

"Thanks…Arizona" it felt nice calling the physio by her first name and Callie spotted the small smile form on the Dr's lips as she did so.

--

30 minutes later and Arizona pulled up outside the house Callie was renting.

"Ohhh I like it!" Arizona said as she took in the view of the house "Did you say it had a pool?"

"Well it's more of a plunge pool, but yeah there is one in the basement"

"Ah well that'll come in handy on our two days of summer here…" Arizona joked before adding in a more serious tone "assuming you'll still be here in summer".

"Hmm maybe" Callie responded not willing to commit. "The agent said the house was built in 1900. How mad is that!" the brunette said as she opened the door to the car.

Arizona thought it was cute that Callie was excited about her house being old, when in fact it was fairly new by London standards.

Once inside Arizona could see why Callie had chosen the house. It was a perfect blend of modern with traditional features like the huge fireplaces and original wooden floors and shutters on the windows. The kitchen was super modern with huge sliding doors which opened out onto the small garden "You umm never mentioned the hot tub!" Arizona said with a cheeky smile.

"Well I didn't want you to think I was like all the other soccer players!" Callie responded in reference to their previous conversation.

"Ha, fair play, I think you've convinced me now by the way...that you're different!" Arizona held the brunettes gaze for slightly longer than she probably should have, before pulling herself together.

"So, what time is your stuff arriving?" Arizona asked

"Umm pretty soon" Callie said checking her phone. "I got a message to say they were an hour away when we left the training ground".

"Great, well that gives me enough time to pop to the shop and get those coffees. How do you take it?"

By the time Arizona arrived back with supplies the removal van had turned up and there was a steady stream of boxes being unpacked and carried into the house.

"Callie?" Arizona called out

"Upstairs" Callie cried back down

Arizona stopped in her tracks as she saw the amount of boxes in the master bedroom with Callie somewhere amongst them.

"Jeez you weren't kidding about having a lot of stuff"

" I know. I think Stacey went a bit mad, I mean what am I going to do with a snowboard?" She said holding it up for the blonde to see.

"What?" Arizona looked over horrified "I'll tell you what you can do with it, you can give it to me so I can burn it!" Arizona handed the American her coffee and took the snowboard off Callie "I can't believe you're allowed to go snowboarding? Broken legs, arms, collarbones…it's a physio's worst nightmare!" she mumbled to herself as she rested it against the wall.

"I'm very glad I came, just so I can see what other health and safety hazards you have in the boxes." She picked up a box and started to open it "I mean, let me guess what's in here….a skateboard?"

Callie who could see the label on the outside of the box, smiled as she watched the blondes face drop when she saw what actually was in the box.

"Nope…that's umm not a skateboard, that's ummm underwear" Arizona smiled as she held up a black lace bra and looked over at the American both of them breaking into a small chuckle. Arizona felt her cheeks blush slightly at the sight of the Latina's underwear which were definitely not sport friendly.

--

It ended up taking them a good four hours to unpack Callie's belongs and by the end of it they were exhausted and in need of food. Arizona knew they needed to have the talk about what Callie had told her in the car the night before and so suggested ordering a pizza and a couple of beers.

"Oh my...that beer tastes so good" Callie groaned as the cold liquid hit her throat.

"I think we've earned this beer that's for sure. I still can't believe how much stuff Stacey sent over." Arizona said shaking her head

"I know, I'm sorry, I hope you didn't have plans this afternoon, I mean you can't get many Saturday's off and unpacking boxes isn't the most relaxing way of spending a day off."

"Hey it's fine. I volunteered and I'm happy to help. I know what it's like moving to a new country and trying to settle in. It's good you have your stuff here now, I hope it means you'll ummm start to feel a bit more at home?"

Arizona said before adding "and nope I had no plans for this afternoon". Arizona looked over at the American and decided it was time to bring up what had happened in the car last night.

There was an awkward silence for what seemed like an age as they both worked out how to tackle the elephant in the room.

"Callie...You know I'm gay right?" Arizona blurted out deciding to take the bull by the horn.

Callie looked over at the blonde and shook her head "no I umm didn't know...for sure...google didn't tell me that." She admitted

"Good. I like being able to chose who I invite into my life, I guess you don't really have that option, being a soccer superstar!"

"Ha no not really" Callie responded "my life is pretty much all over the internet, good and bad"

"Including ...umm something on Wikipedia about you being pictured with Jess Woods."

Callie looked down at her hands at the mention of Jess's name, but didn't speak.

"Look Callie...In case you haven't figured it out, I'm a pretty private person, and the reason I just randomly blurted out that I'm gay was to let you know that I get it. I get what you said last night in the car and I meant what I said about things working out OK in the end."

Callie's eyes remained fixed down as she listened to Arizona speak.

"For me, I didn't really have anyone to talk things through with, and well, I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you..."

"When did you know?" Callie interrupted turning to look at the blonde.

"Know what?" Arizona responded holding Callie's gaze.

"You know...when did you know you were gay? I mean what else is there to know?" Callie asked slightly confused by Arizona's response. "I know some people know when they are like three or four!" Callie added

Arizona let out a small chuckle "errr yeah that definitely wasn't me!"

"So it wasn't obvious to you?"

"Hell no! If it was I ignored it, but you're right some people know at a really young age, but then you have to remember knowing and acting on that knowledge can sometimes be separated by years, decades even."

"I can tell you about the process I went through to get to the stage I am at now, but I you have to understand that it isn't going to provide an instant fix to what you are/have been feeling" Arizona said softly

"I get that...I know no two people are the same, but I feel like I'm going slightly mad with my inner thoughts right now, it's helping a lot to know I'm not alone in having these thoughts." Callie admitted

"Trust me, you are not alone. Right now there are probably hundreds, if not thousands, of people across the world having the same thoughts as you, maybe even having the same kind of conversations." Arizona said supportively.

"There isn't a blueprint on how to navigate these feeling, and I know I keep saying this, but I'm not sure you believe me, whatever happens next for you, you WILL be OK."

"I'm so scared Arizona, my parents...they, they won't understand" Callie felt a lump form in her throat as she thought of her super catholic family.

"Understand what Callie?" Arizona asked gently keen to hear what the Latina was thinking.

"They won't understand that I...like girls" Callie said slowly for the first time in her life.

"Like girls or just one girl? Jess?" Arizona pushed

Callie closed her eyes and thought back at the physical reaction her body had around Arizona, of how she had felt that night in the swimming pool when the blonde had held her waist, the way she felt when she said her full name, the way her mouth went dry when she saw those dimples for the first time.

"Girls" Callie whispered "It's more than just Jess" she admitted

"OK. That's the hardest part out the way. So now say it again" Arizona challenged

"What?" Callie asked confused by the request.

"Repeat what you just said"

"I like girls" Callie said softly

"OK, so what does it mean to you?"

"I...I don't get what you're asking"

"Well when you say Like, what does that mean?" the physio asked

Callie gave Arizona a DUH! Look

"You have to say it Callie. You have to start saying it out loud for it to start to become real."

Callie sighed and took a deep breath before answering the blondes question "I feel a physical attraction to women." Callie said staring at the blonde

"Fuck!" Callie yelled "I can't believe I just said that out loud"

"It seems obvious, but the more you say it, the easier it becomes."

"I can't ever imagine that being easy to say!" Callie replied with a scared look on her face.

"Ha I know what you mean, but it's like anything once you practice and accept it for what it is, it gets easier, but it never fully goes away. You have to weigh up every situation to see what level of information you are willing share about your life with that person."

"So you know you never actually answered my question, about when you knew?" Callie said

"Didn't I? Sorry. I guess I got to where I am now in phases." Arizona said thoughtfully "I mean I remember having a crush on a girl at high school, and I had a page in my diary Boys I like and then a separate page titled Girls I like, but I didn't think I was gay. I didn't have the information back then to process what that meant."

"So you're bisexual?" Callie stated

"No. I'm 100% into women, but sure there was a time where I considered myself bisexual."

"So how did you get to that position?"

Arizona took a long swig of her beer.

"Slowly I started seeing more gay characters on TV, I watched some gay movies, I stopped writing a diary years ago, but the girls I like page got longer and the boys I like page shorter and the eventually I plucked up the courage to do something about it!"

"Can I ask how long it was from your first crush to when you kissed a girl?" Callie asked

"10 years!" Arizona added to a surprised looking Callie.

"Wow. I'm so surprised" Callie replied

"Why?"

"I don't know, you seem so sure now"

"Yeah I am. I'm even cool with calling myself a lesbian now, and I really wasn't for a long time." Arizona admitted.

"When I was questioning my sexuality, although of course back then I didn't know that was what I was doing, I just thought I was confused and a bit messed up.."

"Ha well that makes me feel a bit better!" Callie joked "I can definitely relate to the messed up bit"

"Exactly, and I'm not saying it's easier now, because this is never easy, no matter when you go through it, but there really weren't many role models out there for me to relate to."

"I think it's fucking brilliant that we have actors, sports stars, politicians, presenters who are happy to share their sexuality with the world. I'm not saying people should have to do that, but visibility is so important to make things seem less...scary."

"I see that, but that's the thing that's freaking me out. I don't want people to know." Callie admitted

"Know what?" Arizona said with a smile on her face.

Callie rolled her eyes at the blonde but played along "that I'm attracted to girls!" She said more confidently than before "that I fancy women. That I find women HOT". Callie smiled at the blonde physio

"So you know you need to talk to Jess don't you?" Arizona said bringing Callie back to reality.

"I know. I texted her last night, but she didn't respond. I've hurt her...a lot" Callie said

"But you didn't mean to, and she'll understand that. She was ready to talk, but you weren't, and I'm guessing she caught you by surprise."

"Yes and no" Callie admitted "I mean it's been coming for a while, I just reacted so badly". Callie admitted

"So you knew she liked you?"

"Yes" Callie said softly "I knew for a while"

"And do you like her?"

Callie paused before responding "when you finally kissed a girl, what did it feel like?" Callie asked the blonde

"Wow." Arizona thought back to that moment "I remember being so nervous, to the point my hands were shaking."

"Who was it?"

"Her name was Helen and we had met online and it was her first time too. I was 25 and I remember it so clearly."

"And?" Callie said impatiently keen to know how it felt

"And we had been dating for maybe two months and we went to Pride with a few of her gay friends. God I remember I saw my hairdresser in the queue for the loos and I started freaking out that he had seen me. Like he cared about me. I didn't stop to think why he was there, it was all about people not knowing in the beginning."

"But the kiss..." Callie needed to know

"Oh my god Calliope, it was...phenomenal. I can't put into words what that kiss felt like, what it meant to me...I...I never wanted it to end. There I was standing in a gay club kissing a girl and I was so happy." Arizona paused and looked at Callie and saw tears forming in the American's eyes

"Hey, don't cry. Remember I said every experience is different" Arizona reached over and took Callie's hand.

"I know, I know you did, it's just when Jess kissed me the other night, it didn't give me butterflies, and I think it should have. I mean maybe it won't be how you described your first kiss, but I should have felt more. I know that deep down, I just don't want to hurt her."

"But she's already hurting" Arizona added "and I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, I just mean that not telling her how you really feel, is causing her pain as well!"

"I know...I just don't know how to say what I need to say to her?" Callie looked at the blonde for support

"Which is what exactly?"

"That she was right about me. That I like girls, that spending time with her made me see that, BUT...I don't like her...enough that way".

Let me know if you are still enjoying the story. To me this is only way Arizona can play this. Callie needs to be comfortable first before we can get to fun part. I realise that this may be burning too slow for some people, but I'm enjoying writing this story. For me it's the anticipation that adds to it. I get a bit bored once that part is over, so this story is going to all about how they get to that point.