Zack couldn't believe how light Cloud felt as he held him against his chest. He was so thin, so bruised. His cheekbones were sharper than ever, and his skin burned with fever. His body twitched involuntarily, and Zack wondered if this was the effect of a drug or electrocution. He tucked the boy's head under his chin, sobbing as quietly as he could, trying not to disturb Cloud.
He felt a hand grasp his shirt and he looked down.
"Cloud?"
"Is it… is it really you, Zack?"
Zack stopped caring how loudly he was crying and pulled the boy closer to him.
"Yeah, I'm right here, buddy. I'm right here."
It was the first time that Cloud had been able to sleep peacefully since he had woken up after fighting Sephiroth. He had wanted to talk to Zack, to comfort the man who was crying, but sleep had claimed him instead. Zack was glad. He needed time to process the state of his friend, and his own feelings.
The relief he had felt when he realized it was Cloud laying on the floor was almost tangible. He felt immediately lighter, like he could breathe for the first time since seeing Cloud when he was strapped to the treatment table.
The shock, guilt and anger came after. The condition of the boy's body made him wonder how long they had been trapped here. How long did it take a body to lose as much mass as Cloud's had? How long did it take for bruises to turn from deep purple to yellow? Cloud was covered in both shades. How hot did a fever have to burn before it was dangerous? He knew he had learned these things in SOLDIER training, but seeing them in real life had made him doubt that his training was correct. He was scared that the boy was going to die in his arms, that he would fall asleep and Cloud would go, without someone there to tell him it was okay.
The feeling that all of this was his fault kept clawing at Zack's stomach. He had ordered Cloud to do a job that he had failed at. If he had just admitted defeat, pulled them back, and gone back to command, he could have saved Cloud from suffering. But he had been too proud. He wanted to take down Sephiroth, he wanted revenge for the actions the man had taken. He had selfishly sent the boy to do what he could not.
Did he think he was replaceable? No. The opposite.
"Do you love him?" Reno's words echoed in his mind.
He knew the answer right away when he was asked. Then why had he sent him to face Sephiroth? The best of the best of SOLDIER?
He was angry at Sephiroth, at Shinra. He was angry at Hojo and Reno. But more than anything, he was angry at himself.
He would save Cloud, regardless of the cost.
As the boy slept in his arms, Zack surveyed the rest of his body. He grimaced with every bruise, wondering what he had done to earn so many. He smiled to himself, remembering that Cloud had always been one to fight his own battles. He was sure he had given the scientists in the lab absolute hell, until they had beaten him and over sedated him. Reno said he had been crying out for Zack in his sleep; how long had that been going on? Had it been since he had woken up? Or just since he had had the fight beaten out of him? Zack wasn't sure which was worse.
"Oh, Cloud. I'm so so sorry." He sobbed again, pulling the boy a little closer to his chest. There was a knock on the bars and Zack looked up to see Reno standing at the door, two trays of what Zack could only assume was food balanced in one hand. How long had it been since Cloud had been fed? With the other hand, he unlocked the door to the cell. He stepped inside and set the trays on the concrete bench before squatting down next to Zack.
"How's he doing?" the redhead asked softly. Zack laughed.
"Why do you care, Reno? I saw what you did to him. I can only guess what you watched them do." The Turk dropped his gaze to the floor, speaking even more quietly.
"I'm sorry, Zack. It's my job."
Zack sighed. "He's sleeping. He's got a fever. And he's never been this thin." Reno nodded.
"Yeah, he started refusing to eat a few days after his first infusion. Didn't stop him from puking all over the place, all the time. They've been putting some sort of calorie and hydration mix in when he gets… treatment, but he's been losing weight. Wouldn't sleep, either. Can't say I blame him, knowing what he wakes up to."
"You're a part of that, you know? The things he's scared of."
"Yeah, well, he's not the only one losing sleep. Get some food in him. I'll report him as not eating so he still gets supplementation." Reno stood, turning towards the door.
"Why are you helping him?" Zack asked. Reno stopped, but didn't turn around.
"I'm not a monster, Zack. Just a Turk." He unlocked the door and left, making sure it was locked behind him. Zack let Cloud rest for a few more moments, then began to gently shake him.
"Cloud," he said. "Cloud, come on, wake up." The boy's eyes started to flutter open, and Zack smiled at him.
"Zack," he said weakly. "You're really here?" Zack nodded, brushing blonde hair out of the boy's eyes.
"Yeah, buddy, I'm here. And we have to get some food in you now, okay? You're looking pretty thin, even for you." Cloud blinked slowly, taking in what Zack was saying.
"Was it… was I dreaming? Where are we?"
"It wasn't a dream, Cloud. We're still here. The lab. Wherever it is." He gently sat Cloud up against the wall, heart breaking when he winced with the movement. He grabbed one of the trays Reno had left, sitting back on the floor in front of him. Cloud stared blankly at the wall behind Zack, expressionless. "Hey, Cloud," he said, the boy's gaze shifting back to meet Zack's eyes, "you hungry, buddy?"
"No." Zack frowned.
"You have to eat something, Cloud. Your bones are sticking out."
"I don't want to eat, Zack. I'm just going to get sick again anyway. They're just going to get mad at me again. They always do. I just… I just want them to leave me alone. I don't want the man that stands in the corner to beat the shit out of me again." Zack clenched his fist as Cloud spoke. He assumed it was a man like the one hired to control him, if he needed it, someone who found joy in beating up those who couldn't fight back.
"Hey," he said quietly. "You have to eat. Seriously." he put a piece of bread in Cloud's hand, pushing it gently towards him. "Please, Cloud. If you won't do it for you, do it for me. I hate seeing you like this." he was getting desperate, chest tightening once again at the thought of losing him. A tear escaped his eye, falling from his face to the ground.
Cloud put the piece of bread against his lips and took a bite. He continued to eat, realizing how hungry he actually was. He pulled the tray closer to himself, finishing all the food quickly. Zack stood again, retrieving his tray from the bench. He replaced the tray in front of Cloud with his, and Cloud's eyes snapped up to meet his.
"That's yours," Cloud said. Zack smiled at him and reached a hand out to gently ruffle his hair. Cloud smiled back weakly.
"Nah," Zack said. "I'm not hungry. Promise."
He thought maybe he would be able to sleep through the night as he watched Cloud clear the second tray.
