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Chapter 5
The days after Emmy's disappearance became a big blur. John could remember small segments, but mainly all he could remember were the tears and worry that spread through his entire frame. They spoke to news outlets and plastered Emmy's face all over any social media they could in any and all attempts to find their daughter.
The police didn't know if she had been taken or had drowned in the river near the pumpkin patch. Anna had been sure she was taken, saying she couldn't have made it to the river in the little time they had been turned away from her.
But when one of Emmy's little wellies showed up in the river, the police determined that was her cause of disappearance and death. Anna refused to agree. She said she knew her daughter was alive.
John took in a shuddering breath, his hands tightening around Anna, to pull her closer. In his arms, he could tell she had lost too much weight. She felt too small against him. He furrowed his brows, concerned. Had he been wrong to leave her?
His eyes scanned the entryway of the house and it appeared Anna knew who he was searching for. She stood up, seeming to remember that they no longer belonged to one another. Her hands clasped in front of her and she let out a low breath. John noted how there was no color on her cheeks, despite the make-up she had tried to put on to cover it up.
"She's not here," she told him. "They won't allow her to come home until they do a house study and have a confirmed DNA test, though they know she's ours. Stupid, right? We're her parents. She was taken from us."
Anna turned away from John and he ached to reach out for her again. His arms already missed her. It was as though they were acutely aware of what had been missing over all this time.
When she faced him again, his heart leapt in his chest. Her blue eyes nearly haunted him, reminding him how he had failed her.
"You look good," Anna commented, eyeing his frame. "Have you been working out?"
John shifted uncomfortably. He had been. Every day, he intensely exercised. He had taken it up weeks after he left Yorkshire. It was his one way of trying to cope with the pain that roared within his chest. It was his one way not to lose himself completely in his grief.
"You look nice," he answered instead. Anna scoffed, bringing her hands tightly across her chest.
"I look like crap," she quipped. "If you didn't know, the last few years have been hell." John inhaled sharply, because he did know. Of course, he knew. But he didn't want to fight, not now. Emmy was home.
"What does Casey think about all of this?" Anna asked a moment later, changing the subject. John paused. He hadn't even thought to tell her. A sigh passed through his lips.
"May I come in?" Anna nodded.
John stepped into the house and shut the door behind him. Entering the entryway, a small Boston terrier ran up to him. It began to happily bark at the visitor who had arrived.
"Since when do we have a dog in the house?" John asked Anna, a small smile growing on his lips. Anna dropped to the dog and began to scratch his head.
"We don't have anything. You haven't lived in this house for nearly four years now, John," she bit. That was fair, John thought. Though he did still pay the mortgage and his name was on the paperwork with Anna's. Legally it belonged as much to him as it did to Anna, but in reality it hadn't been his home in years. He heard the back door close. "Mum and Dad are back from their walk with the dog." Anna stood.
John had almost forgotten that Anna's parents lived with her now. He hadn't seen them in over four years. Elsie would send him a card every now and again, mainly for his birthdays or Christmas. But he hadn't reciprocated. It all hurt too much.
As Anna's parents stepped into the living room, the air grew heavier. Charles Carson made a low, disapproving sound and eyed John up and down. John had been sure Charlie was not much of a fan of him since he had stepped out of this house four years ago, but to be fair, he wasn't much a fan of himself.
Elsie was the one to cut the tension, stepping forward and bringing John into a hug.
"Oh John, it's so wonderful to see you," she sincerely said.
"Thank you, Elsie," John replied, giving her a tight smile.
"John," Charlie simply stated.
"Mr. Carson," he said back.
"John and I should probably talk," Anna interrupted. "He's only just gotten here. We need to talk about Emmy and what all of this means."
"Of course, dear," Elsie brightly replied. "Come on, Butler," she called after the dog. John watched them head to the door that lead to the finished basement downstairs. Charlie eyed John once more, before heading back downstairs.
When he and Anna were alone, Anna began to pull anxiously at her fingers.
"Would you like a cuppa?"
"That would be nice."
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
Quietly, Anna began to make her and John some tea. She knew they had so many things to discuss, but for the moment she didn't know what to say. Her thoughts kept going back to before and how terribly happy they had been.
It was naive for her to think that they could go back to that. So much had changed between now and then. Emmy didn't know who they were; John had Casey. No, life would never be like before.
She poured them both a cup of tea and then went to sit down with John in the living room. The room had changed in the past four years. Nothing major, but there were minor changes. There were no longer toys spread about and there was a new coffee table in front of the couch. Her parents had bought when they moved in, because the last one had too many stains on it. Anna hadn't minded.
Anna could tell that John was wondering about the coffee table, as he sat down his cup. He kept eyeing it and she wondered if he wanted to ask her about it. However, his eyes continued around the room and she was sure he was reliving the memories they had shared like she often did.
"Tell me about her," John finally said, breaking the spell and returning his attention to her.
"She's beautiful," Anna breathed.
"Of course, she is," John's lips curled up slightly.
"But she…it wasn't a good situation, John. There were drugs and neglect involved."
Anna could see John's fists closing together and his jaw tightening at the thought. She knew if he could, he would go and murder everyone who had been involved in Emmy's disappearance and she couldn't blame him. She wanted them dead too.
"Was she hurt?"
"No, or at least, they don't think she was ever hurt. Emmy seems to care for the woman that took her. She…she calls her mum." Anna's voice broke and her head ducked down so that John couldn't see the tears in her eyes.
John didn't miss a beat, though, of course. His hand slipped under her chin and he gently forced her to look up at him.
"She'll learn," he assured her. "She'll remember that you're her mother."
Anna's chin wobbled and she brought her hand over her lips.
"You can't know that."
"I do," John's words were firm, but loving. "It'll be an adjustment. We'll get her in therapy. We'll go to family therapy. We'll do whatever needs to be done."
"What about your job?"
"I've already spoken to Robert. I'm taking an extended leave of absence."
"And Casey?" Anna's eyes didn't leave John's face, as it went through a few emotions before settling on determined.
"I'll call her, explain everything. I'll tell her to stay away for now. I think its best that Emmy just has us."
"So, you haven't told her that your daughter is alive?" Anna's brows rose slightly. It seemed like a rather important detail to tell one's significant other.
"No, not yet. She's out of town and I was only focused on coming here."
"Right," Anna quietly stated. She cupped her hands around the warm mug and brought it to her lips, taking a slow slip. The warmth felt good flooding through her body. "You can stay in the guest room. Unless…well, if you wanted to stay somewhere else."
"No," John quickly said. "I want to be here with Emmy."
"Maybe we don't tell Emmy we're getting a divorce, not just yet. We will figure all of those details out later."
"Yes, I agree."
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
That evening, Anna allowed herself in Emmy's bedroom. She had ordered her a new bed that she would pick up in the morning. For now, she got her a simple purple bed set. Before they lost her, purple had been Emmy's favorite color. But Anna had no idea what she liked now.
She bent down and picked up the two pink converse shoes off the floor. It felt strange, altering this room.
She brought the two shoes to her chest and hugged them. Her eyes watered, yet again. She was getting tired of crying, but knew that she was nowhere near done.
A loud sigh left her lips, before she dropped the shoes into the cardboard box by her feet. She would need to make room for new shoes and clothes for her daughter. For now, she'd leave the toys, but she was sure that Emmy had outgrown most of them.
She opened the wardrobe and began to pull out the small items. At first, she was mechanical about grabbing her daughter's clothes. She just took them out and placed them inside the box by her feet. But eventually, she found herself looking at each item, remembering when Emmy had worn it. There was a yellow dress with white flowers along the collar. It had been one of Emmy's favorite dresses. She had insisted on wearing it in the cold of March. Anna had to layer long sleeve shirts and pants underneath it to keep her warm.
Hot tears filled her eyes. Her eyes couldn't leave the dress.
"I remember that dress," John's voice came from the door.
Anna quickly attempted to compose herself. She wiped her cheeks, before turning to face him.
"She wore it every day one week," he said, a wistful smile on his lips. He didn't add that she had worn it every day that week with her wellies. The same wellies that were found in the river. The same wellies that had torn them apart.
Anna swallowed hard.
"I'm making room for new clothes," she said, trying to sound strong. She couldn't very well break down right now. She had done enough of that over the past five years. Her daughter was coming home, she should be so very happy. So why did she feel like this?
"You don't have to be strong for me, Anna," John calmly stated, slowly walking toward her, as though she was a frightened animal. "Five years was stolen from us. You have every right to be sad and angry."
"I'm so angry," Anna admitted, the dress being wrinkled as her hand curled it into a fist.
"Me too," John replied. He carefully pulled at her fingers and took the dress from her hands. "Perhaps we should keep this one. It holds a lot of wonderful memories."
Anna could only nod.
John put the dress back onto the hanger and hung it back up in the wardrobe.
"What if she's never happy with us, John?" Anna finally asked the question that plagued her every moment.
"She will be."
"But you haven't seen her, not yet. She misses that life…that horrible life she had been living. She doesn't want…" she paused, as the word me stuck in her throat.
"It's going to take time, my….Anna," he corrected himself. "You've only seen her once. She'll learn. She's going to absolutely love you," he promised. Anna broke down then. A harsh sob left her lips and John was quick to reach for her. But Anna swiftly bypassed him, rushing toward the bedroom. She shut the door behind her and then rested back against the door as the sobs continued to escape her lips. She couldn't let him comfort her, not again. There were divorce papers just two rooms over. No, she would have to comfort herself while she cried out all her emotions from the day.
To be continued...
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