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Chapter 10
John met Casey a little over six months ago. They both traveled for work and they met at a bar at one of the hotels he had been staying at for work. He had been sitting alone, nursing a glass of gin. For a long while, he had quit drinking. His father was an alcoholic and he hadn't wanted to end up like him. But then he lost Emmy and his wife and he moved far away. For the past few years, it felt like alcohol was his only friend. Even then, he knew that was a sad thought. Yet, it was the truth. He knew that if he didn't work out every day like he did, he would likely become a steady drinker. So he kept himself balanced between the two forms of coping to keep from destroying himself completely.
Then one day this woman sat next to him. She had dark brown hair. She was pretty. Smart. Most importantly: unattached and wanted little. There were no strings with Casey. She didn't want to ever marry or have children. Her job was her priority. John could pretend he was moving on. It made perfect sense.
"Hello?" He said into the phone, his eyes following Anna as she walked into the house.
"John? How are things? I haven't heard from you at all since you arrived in Yorkshire," Casey stated on the other line. She wasn't the jealous type or even the type to care if they hadn't spoken in a week, but he guessed him going to stay with his not quite ex-wife and missing daughter was enough for her to search for an update.
"Sorry, Casey," he apologized. "Things have been a bit hectic. We're trying to find our balance with Emmy."
"Right, of course," Casey replied. "And how's Anna?"
John's brows rose. He sighed. "Fine."
"Has she…." Casey's words faded, but John knew what she was going to ask. Had Anna signed the divorce papers, yet? It was the absolute last thing on John's mind right now, but he understood why Casey wanted to know. Even though they would never marry, it did put a dent in their relationship with him being married, despite the pending divorce.
"No," John quickly said. "And I don't plan on bringing it up right now. She just got Emmy back."
"Right, of course," Casey replied, again. "Do you need me to come there? I am in Austria for a business trip, but I could cut it short a couple of weeks."
"No, no," John told her. "Not now. That would just confuse Emmy. We're trying to introduce her to people slowly." He didn't add that Emmy hadn't been told a thing about Casey and that as far as Emmy knew her parents were still together.
"Alright John. Well, text me tomorrow, okay? I should get going. Kisses!"
"Goodbye," he said and the line went dead. He tucked his phone into his pocket and walked inside of the house.
Anna was quietly cleaning the kitchen, a task he had planned on doing. As he walked up to her, he saw that she had on headphones and was so enthralled with whatever she was listening to and the dishes that she didn't realize he was in there. Gently, he touched her back and she jumped, turning to face him. Seeing it was John, her face relaxed and she pulled her headphones from her ears, resting them on her shoulders.
"How's your girlfriend?" Anna questioned, with the slightest amount of disgust in her voice. John sharply inhaled.
"Busy," was his simple answer. "She just asked how Emmy was doing."
Anna's eyes remained on his for a moment. There was a bit of hurt within them. He wanted to pull her close and hold her tight, but he didn't. He gave her a tight smile and took the sponge out of her hand.
"Let me do the dishes. You go on up and see if Emmy wants a second book read to her," he suggested.
Anna let him have the sponge, but she didn't move to go upstairs.
"Do you think…" She started, but then stopped herself, shaking her head.
"Do I think, what?"
"Nothing, I was being stupid," she said. "I'll go upstairs, see if Emmy's asleep. Thanks for doing the dishes."
Anna disappeared upstairs and John returned to doing the dishes. While his hands began the menial task, his thoughts went to what Anna might have wanted to ask. There were so many things she could have been thinking, but he was pretty sure he knew what she was going to say: Do you think things would be different if we hadn't split apart? The answer to that was an easy one. Of course things would be different, but he wasn't sure they would have survived. They had been imploding. Before losing Emmy, they had been a power couple, but losing her had made them lose themselves. There had been no surviving and John was pretty sure they were still just barely keeping their heads above water.
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
A few days later when they brought Emmy to her newest therapist appointment, they were asked to sit out in the waiting room. Anna had felt a bit slighted. She thought the point of these meetings was for them all to work on becoming a family.
Her hands rang anxiously in front of her and she wondered what Emmy was telling Dr. Latham. Was she saying how much she missed Maggie and wanted to go back? Was she telling her how this new woman was trying to play mother?
"Hey," John's calm voice said, making her look up. "It's going to be fine," he promised.
"I know," Anna lied. "I just wish I could hear what she was saying. I want to know if she's happy with us."
"She is," John replied. Anna chuckled slightly, because how would he know that, for sure? Yes, Emmy liked Butler and her parents, but she hadn't warmed up to them, not really. The only time she had lit up around them was the day they went shopping and they couldn't take her to the store every day.
The door opened and the therapist called them in to the side room, again. Anna jumped up and followed her. She walked right to the window and saw that Emmy was back at the table drawing a picture.
"What did she say?" Anna quickly asked, turning back to the therapist.
"Let's sit down," she suggested. Anna glanced back at Emmy once more and then went to take her seat at the table.
"Emmy has been with you both for a little over a week now. How do you think the adjustments are going?"
"I think it's going fine," John answered her. "She loves the dog."
"Ah, yes, Butler," Dr. Latham said, smiling. "She's spoken a lot about him. Also, Grandpapa and Gran?"
"My parents," Anna filled in.
"Oh yes, she says they are a lot of fun."
"Yes," Anna said, her face falling slightly. "But she hasn't warmed up to us, yet. Did she say anything about us? She doesn't even call us anything. Not Mum. Not Dad. Or Anna or John."
"She said you both are nice," Dr. Latham told her. "It's only been a week."
"She's my daughter," Anna nearly cried. "I just…I want her back."
"And she is back," Dr. Latham stated. "She's here. It's an adjustment. Another woman has raised her for the last five years. Her memories of you are likely in there, but she hasn't found them, yet. This isn't going to change overnight."
"What about the picture of Maggie? Do we have to let her keep it?" Anna then asked. "I don't want that woman's face in my house. She stole my daughter from me, from us. I want to burn it."
Dr. Latham pursed her lips together thoughtfully.
"I can understand why you would want to do that, Mrs. Bates," she finally said. "I really do. But you need to tread carefully. You don't want to upset Emmy and make her think you are trying to throw away her past."
"Her past was her being kidnapped and stolen from us!" Anna nearly yelled. John's hand came to rest over hers, but she angrily jerked it away. Tears filled her eyes from the anger that was overcoming her right now.
Dr. Latham looked at her sympathetically.
"Have you been seeing anyone about all of this change? You both are going through a lot right now and it might do you both some good to speak to someone."
"Oh am I?" Anna bit, her emotions unraveling. She brought her hands over her face and took in a deep breath. Slowly she dropped her hands and apologized, "I'm sorry. I just…."
"It's quite alight," Dr. Latham answered. "This is a big adjustment for all of you. And you're doing really well."
"What is the next step?" John asked her.
"School."
Anna sat up. She honestly hadn't thought about that, yet. It had been at the forefront of her mind before they got Emmy, since they knew she hadn't been in school. But since she had been home, Anna had forgotten.
"Right, school," Anna murmured. "I used to be a teacher, but it's been so long. Where do we even begin? She's supposed to be in Year 3 or Year 4, I don't even remember. She hasn't been in school, though. How will that work out?" And Anna also wondered how she would feel being away from her daughter for several hours of the day. What if someone else stole her?
"I would contact the school. You can figure out the details from them."
"Of course," John said with a small smile.
"Did you have any questions for me?"
Anna shook her head, but John nodded.
"Yes, we've found out that Emmy's….captor taught her how to steal. When we went shopping, she thought we were going to steal the things. We….how do we combat that?"
"Like everything else. You show her the right ways to do things and you take it one day at a time."
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
When they arrived back at the house, Emmy rushed right past them and headed toward where her grandparents and Butler were in the living room.
"Hey, go wash your hands!" Anna called after her. "It's lunchtime."
Emmy pet Butler quickly and then she did as she was told.
John helped Anna to take off her coat and then he watched her walk into the living room with her parents. As he did every time he entered the room with Charlie Carson, he felt the room temperature drop.
Anna sat herself down next to her mother.
"How did it go?"
"Fine." Anna simply replied. But John knew it was far from fine. He thought Dr. Latham was right. Anna needed to speak to someone. There was a time when she was seeing a therapist and for all he knew, she still was. But he didn't know how to ask her without making her angry.
He wasn't worried about her falling down the slippery path she had gone down before. He knew his wife. She was strong and she could handle this. Emmy meant everything to her and she would do whatever needed to be done for her daughter. But he did worry about her thoughts and feelings through all of this. It wasn't easy. He was struggling. It wasn't an easy transition. It wasn't like they had just gotten their daughter back and everything went back to normal. No, Emmy didn't know them. They no longer knew each other. Things were awkward.
A knock came at the door and he went to open it. He was surprised to find Mary, George, and her youngest, Letty, at the door.
"Oh right!" Anna called from the couch. He could hear her getting up and rushing to come and greet her guests. "I invited them over. I thought Emmy could use some friends to play with. Good afternoon!"
John furrowed his brows. He didn't mind Mary and her children coming by, but he would have liked a heads up. He glanced at Mary's children. It has been a long while since he had seen George. Now he was a tall eleven year old, his head at his mother's shoulders. Then there was the little one, Letty. Last time he saw Mary, she was just a little baby. The five year old tucked her head behind her mother's leg and held her tightly.
Emmy came down the stairs right at that moment.
"Emmy! You have friends who have come to play!" Anna brightly stated. John twisted his lips. He worried she was trying too hard. "We'll eat lunch and then you can go out back."
As she eyed the new visitors, Emmy stepped forward. John watched as Mary's eyes welled up with tears. He realized it was her first time seeing her.
"She's beautiful," Mary murmured. "She looks just like you, Anna."
"She does," John agreed.
"Hello Emmy," Mary said, bending down slightly to Emmy's height and reaching out her hand for her to shake. "I'm your Auntie Mary. This is George and this is Letty."
"Hi," Emmy quietly replied, checking them all out. "So whose sister are you? You look kind of like him," she added, pointing to John. Mary laughed.
"No, I'm not your literal aunt," Mary explained. "I'm your mother's dearest friend. You've just always called me your aunt."
"Oh," Emmy simply stated. She stepped closer to Letty and put out her hand. "Do you like dollies?" Letty looked out from behind Mary's legs and nodded her head. "You can play with mine," she offered.
John smiled at his daughter's kindness.
"Yes," Anna broke in. "You can play dolls after lunch. Come on, let's eat!"
-X-X-X-X-X-X-
After they ate lunch, Emmy took Letty upstairs to her room to play with her new doll and accessories. John could sense Anna's nervous energy and that she wanted to watch them play, but John knew that it was best they allow them to play on their own.
George, who had no interest in dolls, remained on the couch watching YouTube videos on his phone.
"She's so big," Mary gushed. "I just…I can't believe it!"
"She is," Anna said, her eyes on the stairs.
"They'll be fine," John assured her, bending over and whispering in her ear. Anna quickly stood, rubbing her hands nervously together.
"I'm just going to run up and check on them."
Anna disappeared, leaving John and Mary alone. Elsie and Charlie had left to go to the library after they ate. John quietly sat, not knowing, exactly, what to say. Their last meeting had been on one of the worst days of his life. It had been the day he knew he was leaving. It had been the day he knew he had failed Anna.
Mary seemed to feel just as uneasy alone with John. He had seen her break down in harsh tears, a sight he had never thought he would have seen on Mary Crawley.
"I…" Mary paused, her eyes darting over to where George was enthralled in his videos. She inhaled sharply and then gave John a tight smile. "How's Edinburg?"
"Fine. I've spoken to Robert. I'll be moving back here permanently to be closer to Emmy. In a few weeks, I'll have to fly out to settle some things, but then I'll be back."
"That's right," Mary said. "Papa did mention that. I know he's glad you'll be back nearby."
"Yes," John awkwardly replied. "Me too."
The room fell silent. He knew he owed Mary a thank you for caring for Anna when he couldn't, but he couldn't find the words. Thankfully, Anna was back downstairs a moment later with a big smile on her face.
"They're having a blast!"
"Great."
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
That night, after Emmy had fallen asleep, Anna sat on the floor in her doorway watching her. The little girl's chest rose and fell with each breath. Anna could feel fresh tears building up behind her eyelids. She blinked them away, so incredibly tired of crying.
Emmy seemed to enjoy having Letty over. They had played for nearly two hours.
Tomorrow, Anna would need to call the schools, find out where she would be going. There were so many details that needed to be ironed out. She worried about the new adjustments, but was hopeful for her daughter making friends.
Behind her, she could hear the uneven steps of John. She turned herself slightly and he saw he was staring down at her.
"You should get some rest," he told her.
"I will," Anna whispered. "I just….I can't take my eyes off of her. I'm afraid…"
"You'll blink and she'll disappear?"
"Yes," she admitted.
"Me too," John replied. He bent over and gave her his hand to help to pull her up. She stood next to him, their eyes meeting. Briefly, his hand brushed against her cheek and her breath hitched in her throat. "She's not going anywhere, Anna. We won't lose her again."
"But what if…."
"Shh," he soothed. "We…"
Anna took a step backward and swallowed hard.
"You're right. I should go to bed and you should probably call your girlfriend. Goodnight."
As she walked away from John, she could feel his eyes on her back. It made her slightly uncomfortable. Part of her wanted to turn toward him, but she reminded herself that there were divorce papers in the office waiting to be signed. She wasn't his anymore and he wasn't hers. They hadn't been for a long time and they would never be again.
To be continued...
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