Thank you! :)

Chapter 20

Three and a Half Years Ago

Anna sat across from her therapist, twisting the strand of hair that had fallen from her messy ponytail. She fell back into her seat, her eyes on her scuffed shoes. Her black leggings were covered in stains and the shirt she was wearing fell oddly on her shoulders.

"What would you like to talk about today, Anna?" Her therapist's voice was calm and soothing. But Anna hated being here despite that. She just wanted to go back to her bed and sleep the next week away.

"Anna," Dr. Baxter tried again. Anna then glanced up and shook her head. Dr. Baxter's lips fell into a concerned frown. "I know this week is hard for you, Anna. Have you planned something to honor your daughter, Emmy?"

Anna covered her face with her hands and inhaled sharply. In two days, it was her and John's tenth anniversary. And then three days later would be Emmy's fifth birthday. She hadn't spoken to John in nearly six months. Her daughter was gone.

"Anna?"

"I don't want to talk about any of this," Anna finally said, uncovering her face.

"This week is a difficult one. We need to discuss ways to handle your triggers, when you feel like you need to harm yourself to make it through."

"I won't," Anna lied, tightening the edge of her sleeve. But Dr. Baxter caught her guilty motion and her frown deepened.

"Anna, this is a long road to recovery. Can you tell me about the last time you harmed yourself?"

"What if…." Anna allowed her words to fade and she inhaled sharply.

"What if what, Anna?" Anna hated the way Dr. Baxter always said her name over and over again.

"What if I don't want to recover," she asked, twisting her lips. "My daughter is gone. My husband is gone. What does anything matter anymore?"

"Anna," there she went again. "Your parents are here. You have friends, your best friend, Mary. Don't you want to get better for them? And maybe you could call your husband? Apologize for pushing him away? Apologize for how you spoke to him?"

"I can't," Anna cried, tugging harshly at her sleeve. Dr. Baxter's eyes narrowed in on Anna's hand and she sighed.

"Alright, alright. Let's focus on the rest of the day. One step at a time, Anna. Just take things one step at a time."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Now

"John and I are back together," Anna told Dr. Baxter. She hadn't seen her therapist in person since Emmy's return. The two had spoken over the phone once. Dr. Baxter had insisted Anna come in more, but with everything, Anna felt she didn't have the time to see her.

"And you both have spoken about everything?" Dr. Baxter cautiously questioned. Anna nodded.

"We have," she assured her. "I've confessed everything. I apologized for how I spoke to him and pushed him away. He apologized for leaving me. In the end, he said we probably needed to forgive ourselves more than each other."

"He sounds very insightful," Dr. Baxter replied with a smile. Anna's own lips curled up.

"He is."

"It's good that you both have been open and honest with one another, Anna. I'm proud of you. And it sounds like Emmy is adjusting well. Is she still going to therapy, as well?"
"She is," Anna told her. "We all go together every other week. She's begun to have some memories of us as a family. She's happy." Anna then inhaled. "But we still have to deal with reporters and photographers trying to follow us. John and I can handle it, but we have to protect her. I want to send her to school after the winter holiday. However, I don't see how I can right now."

"It will die out eventually," Dr. Baxter said. "What does Emmy think about it?"

"It doesn't bother her," Anna answered, twisting her lips. "Because she doesn't really understand it, I guess. I just worry about her. She's so little and to have her in the spotlight so young…" Anna's words faded.

"You're a good mother, Anna," Dr. Baxter assured her. "You're doing very well. But I would still like you to come and see me. I know you have come so far in the years you've been with me. While this new adjustment is a wonderful one, it is still an adjustment."

"Yes," Anna agreed. "I know. John also agrees. He is horrified that he missed how far gone I was, but how could he have known? He was hurting too."

"That's where the forgiving yourselves comes in. He has to come to terms on his own time and you have to come to terms with what you went through. But you've both made great strides. Focus on that. Focus on Emmy. Be happy with what you have now. The past cannot be changed. All you can focus on is the future."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"How did it go?" John questioned Anna, as she stepped into the car. He had left Emmy with her grandparents and had come to pick Anna up from her session. She appeared light on her feet, so he hoped that was a good sign of how her time with her therapist had gone. Anna just smiled and bent over to kiss his lips. She brought her hand around to play with the hair at the nape of his neck and made a happy sigh.

"Well, it went well. She's glad we're being honest with one another."

John smiled. He rubbed Anna's cheek with the back of his hand and then kissed her again.

"I'm glad we are too," John then murmured, his lips lingering over hers.

"She said we can't linger on the past, and I think she's right," Anna said, sitting back slightly. "I'm excited to see what our future brings."

"Me too, my darling. Me too."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna went to take a seat on one of the chairs outside next to her mother. Emmy was excited to see that her mother was back home and she immediately came to sit in Anna's lap. It was something new she had started just over the past week. Emmy was now extremely comfortable with Anna and was always coming to sit in her lap or right next to her, placing her head on her shoulder. It made Anna feel complete and her heart burst with joy.

"Mummy, does Butler have to leave with Gran and Grandpapa tomorrow?"

"He does," Anna said to her, gently adjusting her on her lap. "He's their dog. They would miss him so much if he stayed here." Emmy sighed and turned to look at her gran.

"You'll be able to visit him often," Elsie assured her granddaughter. "You liked the beach didn't you? And we're coming to see you in London in just a few weeks. Then we'll be back here for Christmas."

"Oh," Emmy said, now smiling. "Well, I guess that's not too bad."

"It's not. Don't worry, Butler will make sure to visit you a lot."

"Why don't you go and play with him for a little bit," Anna suggested. She kissed Emmy's cheek and Emmy giggled, before jumping off of Anna's lap. Then she ran back into the yard and grabbed a ball to toss it for Butler.

"You have your daughter back," Elsie said with a bright smile. She bent over and grabbed Anna's hand, squeezing it. "And I have mine," she added. There were tears in her mother's eyes and it made Anna's own eyes water. "I've missed you."

"I've missed myself too," Anna had to agree. She brought her free hand up to wipe under her eye. "I can't thank you enough for putting your life on hold for all these years. I feel so terrible that you…"

"Shh," Elsie quickly interrupted. "We're your parents. You mean more to us than anything else in this world. We don't regret it, even for a moment."

"But Mum…"

"I said that's enough, Anna. You were struggling. It was our job as your mum and dad to come in and try and fix things. Are you saying you wouldn't do the same for Emmy?"

"Well, of course, I would. I just…"

"Exactly," Elsie stated, leaving no more room for arguments.

"You know," Anna then began, as she scooted her chair closer to her mother. "I don't think I've ever told you how glad I am that you two adopted me. I don't know where I would be without you."

"Oh my dear girl," Elsie muttered, squeezing Anna's hand more tightly. "We don't know where we'd be without you. I'd say we all won the jackpot." At that, Anna's watery smile grew.

"I'll agree to that."

"Mummy!" Emmy called from across the yard. "Will you come play?"

"I'll be right there!"

Anna stood from her chair and bent over to give Elsie a big hug.

"I love you, Mum."

"I love you too, Anna."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

While Elsie, Anna, and Emmy took Butler on one last walk before they left, John helped Charlie load up the car for their trip back home. Most of the loading up was done in near silence with a quick question or comment here and there. They really didn't have that much stuff considering that they had lived in their home for four years.

John placed the last piece of luggage into the car and then he closed up the back. As he stepped back, he saw Charlie standing by him, handing him a cold drink. John took it with a quick thanks and then took a strong sip. The cool liquid felt good on his tongue. Even though it was cool outside, he was sweating from lugging the luggage from downstairs. His knee was giving him a bit of a rough time, but he didn't want to give that away. So he shifted onto his good knee and took another sip. It was then that he saw Charlie eyeing him carefully. It made John feel uncomfortable. He took a third sip and glanced down at the ground.

"I feel like I should apologize," Charlie then began. That made John look back up. He cocked his head to the side, confused.

"I don't think…"

"I forgot that you also lost a daughter," Charlie said. "I forgot that you were going through the same heartbreak as Anna, but not only that, everyone thought it was your job to be the strong one. It wasn't fair of any of us to put that strain on your shoulders."

"I…"

"When Anna broke, well, completely broke, I blamed you. It wasn't fair. When you've lost something so precious, it makes you lose yourself."

"Well, I do blame myself," John said, taking another sip of his drink. He sighed. "She's my wife. It was my job to protect her."

"You can't protect someone who doesn't want protection," Charlie wisely said. "And she didn't want you there or us there or anyone to help her. Had Mary not shown up that day, I…." Charlie's words faded and his eyes clouded with the dark memories. Then he shook his head. "I'm glad you two have found one another again. I know you both will make each other happy and will be wonderful parents to Emmy, again."

"Thank you," John sincerely stated. "And thank you for being there for Anna, when I couldn't. My love for her never faded."

"Oh, I know that to be true," Charlie replied with a wink. "And I doubt it ever will."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"You'll call me every day?" Emmy asked Charlie and Elsie, as they began to load themselves and Butler in the car.

"Every day!" Elsie promised, blowing her a kiss.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Charlie added. "Now be good for your parents."

The two waved and then rolled up the window. Emmy made her way over to her parents and stood in front of them. They all waved as the car began to roll away.

Emmy fell back against Anna and she heavily sighed, when the car was out of her eyesight.

"I'm going to miss them," Emmy said, frowning.

"I know you will," John told her. "But, we will call them every day. And you'll see them in a couple of weeks in London."

"Why are we going to London?" Emmy asked, turning to face her parents. John and Anna met their eyes.

"Remember, it's part of our trip!" Anna then answered. "We're going to Edinburg, Scotland first and then off to London. It's going to be fun! I even have us tickets for a show!"

"Oh cool!" Emmy replied. Anna sighed in relief that it was a good enough response. She realized that she and John hadn't discussed if they should tell her about the trial with Maggie.

The three of them walked inside and Emmy ran upstairs to play with her doll. Anna then turned to John and met his eyes again.

"Should we tell her the truth?"

"I don't know," John stated. "I think we don't lie to her, but we don't outright tell her what's going on either. If she asks about her, we'll tell her. Otherwise, we don't say anything."

"Yeah," Anna agreed. "That's probably best."

"Are you still sure you want to speak with her?"

"I am, John. This is something I need to do. And I need to do it alone." John made a face, but then nodded.

"Alright, if you are sure."

"I am."

To be continued...

Next chapter, you'll get to meet Maggie. Thank you for reading!