Chapter Four
Cunning
Logan had taken the time to hug Patton goodbye. He thanked the caring side for everything he had ever done for him, and at first Patton didn't seem to understand what was happening. He cooed at Daylyn and told Logan his choice of name was perfect. He'd become flustered and blushed when Logan gave him his thanks and compliments on all the things he did for the light sides, and he seemed overjoyed when Logan hugged him. Logan almost didn't want to explain why he was mentioning all of this, but in the end, he'd taken Patton's hands in his, and told him that he couldn't continue to be a light side anymore. The tears that slid down Patton's cheeks were almost enough to change his mind. He explained to him that he had done nothing wrong, that he was the perfect ruler, the perfect friend. Logan explained that he was sad to leave, that he didn't want to, but if he remained a light side, Thomas would never get better, and he would only hurt the rest of them. Patton had begged him not to go, tried to convince him that Logan wasn't a dark side, but Logan couldn't believe him. Acting on a rare, spur of the moment decision Logan leaned forward and kissed Patton's cheek.
"I love you." He whispered.
"Then stay, please." Patton begged again.
"I'm leaving because I love you." He said softly. "I'm sorry, Patton." He turned and went back through the door connecting the Light and the Dark Domains, trying his very best to ignore Patton. He used his telekinetic abilities to keep the door shut behind him so Patton couldn't open it, knowing you couldn't sink in and out of Delusion Hall. He walked slowly toward Lucius.
"Are you ready to go home Logic?" He asked him, reaching his hand out once more.
"I'm not Logic anymore." He said simply.
"Oh?" Lucius questioned. "And who would that make you?" Logan opened his mouth to reply, but a loud bang interrupted him. Daylyn squealed in fear, curling up in a little ball, and Lucius tensed. Logan turned slowly, looking uninterestedly at the door.
"Logan you stupid-ass peice of shit, if you don't come talk to us I'm going to break this godamned door down and make you stay!" Virgil bellowed from the other side of the door. There was another loud bang and the entire door jolted, nearly coming off its hinges. Logan walked slowly towards the door with the intent of opening it for them. If they wanted explanations, he at least owed them that.
"Don't you dare." Lucius ordered him. Logan stopped, but looked over his shoulder at his new ruler.
"I'm coming with you, to live under your rule, I'm abandoning everything I've ever known, and I'm leaving the people who care about me. You are giving me a chance to explain, or I am not going." He said quietly. Lucius sneered.
"And just where the hell do you think you're going to go after pulling a stunt like this?" He demanded.
"I've heard the outlands are nice, the chaos rift always has room for one more, and let's face it, if I wanted to, I could live in the real world as a normal human being easily." He said coolly. "You will allow me to open the door, or I will do so anyways, and I will not be going with you."
"If you think they'll let you change your mind, your wrong!" Lucius snarled loudly.
"No, you're wrong." Thomas's voice said firmly from the other side of the door. "Lucius, let Logan through to see us now." And with a hiss of anger, Lucius turned and walked down the hall.
"Come find me when you've finished saying goodbye." He spat. "We have work to do." Logan ignored him in favor of opening the door. He was immediately plowed down by Patton grabbing him around the middle. Daylyn squeaked indignantly, and scuttled up to sit on Logan's shoulder. Patton was sobbing, and the sounds of it sent ice cold daggers plummeting through Logan's heart. Virgil was scowling at him and Thomas looked both scared and concerned.
"If you think for even half a second that we're going to let you switch to the Dark Sides, you're wrong. You aren't getting rid of us that easily." Virgil bit aggressively at him. But then his face softened. "I don't know what's going on with you." He admitted quietly. "But I know you're struggling. I know you killed yourself about two years ago. I know you just went through something traumatizing to get back. I know you're in pain. You have to talk to us. We want to help you."
"I can't." Logan shook his head.
"Why not?" Virgil pressed.
"I can't remember right now, but I know it's important." He replied.
"What do you mean you can't remember?" Virgil asked, clearly quite confused. "You remember dates and times of trivial stuff down to the second all the time."
"Logan, something's not right about you." Patton sniffed, finally stepping back from him just enough to give him his personal space back. "Before I was worried something was wrong. You were acting different. Now you just feel… off. Like something's missing, and I want to know what it is so I can help you."
"He seems different to you because he's under the influence of narcotics." A gentle voice said from behind Logan. Winston walked up next to him, studying him with pity."
"You mean he's high?" Virgil asked indignantly. "Ha, no way. Not Logan."
"Yes way, yes Logan." Logan murmured. Virgil was visibly shocked, as was Thomas and Patton.
"Why?" Patton asked him.
"It's all I can do." He responded. "Otherwise I'm in pain."
"Is this about the migraines kiddo?" Patton asked immediately. "There are other kinds of me-" Logan shook his head.
"Not that kind of pain." He said quietly. Patton's face collapsed into a look of utter pity that Logan could not stand. "I have to go. I can't stay with you anymore."
"You can though." Virgil argued, stepping towards him. "You can stay with us and we can help you." Logan shook his head.
"I don't expect you to understand. I'm not like you." He said.
"Damn it Logan!" Virgil growled. "This is not the time for your superiority complex to be kicking in. If you'd pull your head out of your ass for half a second you might realize that you're not the only competent person around here."
"Virgil." Thomas hissed.
"Don't you think I know you're competent?" Logan mumbled, slowly shaking his head. "I don't know where superiority complex came from, but I do not think I'm better than you." Virgil made a face like he'd had something large thrown at him. "I don't think I'm better than Patton. I don't think I'm better than Roman. I know I'm not better than you guys. I know I'm not better than Winston." He looked over to the wise trait, who looked just as shocked as everyone else. "Winston's better at my job than I am, and I'm falling apart."
"Logan." Patton whispered, his face crumpled into an expression that Logan hoped to never see on his face again.
"I'm not like you because you're better than me." He added. "I hurt the people I care about. I'm addicted to drugs. You already have someone that does my job better."
"Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't make them bad people, nor does it make them less than their peers. You are struggling right now, that's true, but we can help you through that." Winston said. "And the most misguided thing you just said, was that I do your job better than you do. That is false. I am not Logic."
"And neither am I." Logan choked. "Not anymore. Logic died two years ago when he hung himself in his bedroom. Logic died when he was in pain for hours, trying to cry for help because he never stopped breathing. Logic died when the rope snapped and he realized that no one had ever come to help him. And Cunning was born when he finally made it out of the maze."
"Logan, you have every right to be mad at us for that." Thomas started.
"But I'm not mad." Logan interrupted him softly. "I was for a long time, but I'm not any more. What I did was selfish, and I deserved this punishment. Natural consequences. The natural consequence I have to face for hurting all of you, is not being able to be here with you any more." It seemed that Virgil had become so angry that he began to tremble.
"Logan that's bull shi-"
"I'll send word of a cure for Roman as soon as I figure it out, and I'll be working on it as hard as I can. Don't worry, I'm not going to just leave him like that. You don't have to be angry with me." He said. He took a step backwards.
"Logan, please don't go." Virgil begged him, lurching forward to try to grab his arm. Even in his lethargic state, Logan's powers made him faster than Virgil.
"I'm sorry." He said honestly. He tapped into his super speed as he spun on heel and shot off towards the deeper Dark Domain. He made his way to Lucius's throne room, sure that the ego maniac would be there. Sure enough he was, along with Remus, who was holding his mace and looking somehow both agitated and excited.
"Logan!" His voice was somehow crazed. It didn't sound like the spontaneous and flamboyant insanity the duke always carried, it sound purely deadly. There was no trace of regality or mischief, just ice and steel. Logan shrugged loosely and continued forward. Lucius glared down at him from his throne.
"You made an error Logan." He stated.
"Maybe so." Logan replied nonchalantly. "Though I'd argue an error made is merely an error avoided in the future, best to do it now than later."
"Hey, I like that one." Nate came walking in, alongside Judas and Tom. "So it's true then? Logic finally crossed over?"
"No. Not Logic. Logic died a long time ago." Logan said slowly.
"Pay attention, whelp." Lucius snapped from his throne. Logan slowly turned his attention back to the greed side. "We were prepared to welcome you with open arms." He began.
"But I disobeyed you, and now I must earn a position, simple enough." Logan finished for him. Lucius straightened further, scowling down at him. "I suppose Remus and I are going to fight for it then, correct? The loser gets thrown to the mercy of the other sides?"
"Precisely." Lucius replied.
"Well, then I won't fight." Logan replied.
"Excuse me?" Lucius snipped. "You don't have a choice."
"Remus has no real world impact, if he attacks me, I'll just choose not to be affected." Logan shrugged again.
"I'm sorry what?" Lucius arched his left brow. "That isn't nearly sensical. You do know that his attacks did not affect you before because you were as close to dead as you can become, correct?"
"Clearly." Logan stated exasperatedly. "That's neither here, nor there. This is about what is and is not reality. Reality is 98% perception, so if I simply perceive myself as not being attacked, there will have been no effect. The fight would be stacked entirely in my favor as I would be incapable of being harmed by speed or brute force, and let's face it, there's simply no way he would out wit me."
"Logic-" Lucius began.
"No." Logan said simply.
"Fine, then what are you?" Lucius snipped.
"You invented me, called me by name before." Logan replied. "Simply in a successful attempt to frighten Thomas, you've summoned a creature of darkness to do your bidding."
"Excuse me?" His posture stiffened visibly, and his face twisted into a sneer. Logan swept himself into a low bow.
"Simply said, sir: my name is Cunning." He himself heard the change in his voice, the hiss of winter and the trill of bells that hadn't been there before. The throne hall shifted beneath his feet, but he kept his balance, convincing himself that he was floating ever so slightly above the ground. Everything seemed right- side up again and he allowed himself a slight smile as he straightened up.
"I think your evil voice is scarier than Virgil's." Nate said from the corner. "I've never heard anything like that." Logan inclined his head towards him.
"I should assume not." Logan replied. "If you'd heard a voice like mine before, that would imply you've met darkness with the amount of power I hold, and this simply cannot be true." Lucius was on his feet in less than a second, his hand grasping around Logan's throat.
"You are on thin ice, boy." He hissed at him. His voice crackled and hissed with the energy of air before a lightning strike. Logan flicked his eyes to the ground, then back up at Lucius.
"Actually, it appears I'm on solid stone. Roughly six inches of it." Nate let out a hastily stifled laugh behind him. Logan smiled up at Lucius. "You're harder for me to ignore, Lucius." He said softly. "You have more of an impact than Remus. I can't ignore the horrible things greed makes people do, but isn't that just it. You can't do anything on your own. You need others to meet your goals for you." The pleasant tone never left his voice.
"Insolent fool." Lucius pushed Logan to the ground, and Logan-still missing his sense of equilibrium- crashed down to the stone with almost no resistance. "Remus!" He barked. "Do with him what you will and prove his crack-pot theory wrong. We can affect him, and we will. Break him. He can't die, so don't hold back." And Logan felt something heavy collide with the side of his face. He knew Remus hadn't moved, it was Lucius who had struck him. He wasn't afraid, not really worried at all. He was fine. Until he heard the shifting, sliding noises of rope. Suddenly, he wasn't in the Dark Domains any more. He was in Thomas's living room, near the door to the kitchen, and Caesar was gripping his arm with iron strength. It was flashes of color and emotions, fear and pain and red. And he couldn't move. He was bound by ropes, blinded by a cloth, helpless, and he never wanted to be in that position again. Yelling brought him back to reality, Remus had not moved, and Lucius was not happy. He threw the ropes down on to Logan's stomach, winding him for a second.
"Bind him and bring him elsewhere." He commanded. Logan saw the hesitation in Remus even as he moved to obey his king. Logan was panicking, he wasn't bound yet but he couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and Lucius knew, and Lucius was laughing. This was the punishment he deserved he supposed. For the way he treated his family before. He deserved every awful thing that was to come. The ropes closed around him, and now even if he could convince himself to move, he would be unable to get free. Panic started to overtake his chest, gripping him, freezing his mind and chest, sharp shards or ice filling up his lungs. Breathing hurt. He felt himself being raised off the ground, felt himself slung over Remus's shoulder. A whimper escaped his throat before he could stop it. He was going back to the maze. He knew it. He couldn't go back there. He couldn't. He wouldn't. But all amount of fight had been drained from him at the sound of ropes. Halls and colors were passing, and Logan wasn't sure which ones were real and which ones weren't. Some looked like the dark domain, others like the long, gaping corridors of the living hall section of the maze. Was he running? He wasn't moving. He didn't know what was happening to him until he felt his back collide firmly with something soft. A gasp tore its way into his throat, and he felt the ropes fall away from him. Logan, suddenly feeling far less panicked, made eye contact with Remus, and what he saw there made the rest of his fear bleed away. Remus wasn't going to hurt him. He didn't want to. An unconscious whimper left Logan's mouth, even as he sprung to his feet.
"Logan," Remus's voice was uncharacteristically calm. "I won't hurt you. I know what happened to you." Logan looked around, studying his environment. Maybe it was left over faulty logic from the maze he'd just escaped, but he felt that you could tell a person's intentions by the rooms and objects they choose to surround themselves with. And looking closely at Remus's surprisingly small and modest room, Logan was surprised. There was a bed with black sheets and a green comforter with stacks of poofy black and green pillows and a small variety of stuffed animals. There was a deep blue turtle, a light blue cat, a red dragon, a purple bat, an orangish colored dog, a yellow snake, and several different octopi in varying colors. There was a dresser crammed in the corner and a green bean bag directly in front of it. There was a laptop in the other corner and about what Logan estimated to be about three square feet of free space. Based solely off of his room, Logan decided he was safe to stay.
"I-" Remus hesitated. "Can I talk to you? About what happened in the maze I mean? I'm not sure how much of it was real. I want to know what happened to you… to see if it was the same I mean. To see what might have actually happened I guess."
"I… I'm not sure I can." Logan replied. "There were… a lot of emotions I didn't count on when I was first relaying the events to the others. I- I could barely hold myself together, and I hadn't even gotten to the traumatizing parts of the narrative. If it will help you, I can try, but I can't promise to yield results." And even now, Logan was struggling. Remus nodded.
"Sit." He offered. Logan perched himself at the foot of Remus's bed, and Rems sat down next to him, resting his mace against the headboard.
"I apologise if I'm unable to recount events properly." Logan began, the effects of his pills were already wearing off and he cursed his stupidity and lack of foresight for not bringing them with him. After all, if he wasn't a light side any more, what did he have to prove by not taking them? Remus's face split into a too-wide smile.
"You needn't feel ashamed with your dear old Duke," he sang. "You need not think decency." To both of their surprise, Logan joined in with;
"You see this house on fire, I see it too, 'cause you've got a fiend in me!" The Duke was overtaken by hysterical laughter, and Logan found himself chuckling softly. Maybe the dark side wouldn't be as bad as he thought it was going to be. Sobering instantly and rather abruptly, Remus asked;
"Do you think you can tell me about it, though?" Logan nodded.
"I would however, like to warn you, that as I was first explaining, I realised there were blanks and faults in the chronological timeline of events in my memory."
"You too huh?" Remus asked, leaning back slightly. "What's the first thing that comes to mind?" With the intention of answering, Logan thought back to the maze. Before he could so much as utter a word, a sharp blade of fear pierced his chest. He was on the floor, writhing in pain, Roman and Virgil looming above him with twin sadistic smiles. Each of them was carrying a knife. Patton stood behind them, smiling a soft, sweet smile. There was a rope in his hands.
"Stay still, Lo," Patton said softly. "It'll hurt worse if you don't." And Virgil and Roman were laughing. Quietly. Darkly. Logan could get himself to move, he was petrified by bhis fear and the feeling of betrayal that had washed over him. Patton stepped forward, Virgil and Roman parting to make room for him, and kneeled down beside Logan's left arm. It wasn't until he felt the rope start to be pulled around his neck that he regained enough control over his body to struggle. When he did, however, Virgil and Roman swooped down to hold him in place. Panic overtaking his mind, Logan couldn't think of a way out of the situation he had landed himself in. He didn't know where he was, he didn't know why the other light sides had turned on him, he didn't know what made Patton want to hurt anyone, let alone him. The only thing he knew was that he needed to get away. Quickly. He jerked his legs up as quickly and firmly as he could, luckily causing Roman to stumble backwards. He swung them back down quickly and used that momentum to launch himself forward. Virgil wasn't shaken lose as easily, but he had successfully thrown Patton off of him and at least had his feet on the floor. Virgil recovered more quickly from the change in position than he did, and Logan suddenly found himself with a knife at his throat. At the moment he properly processed this, he felt his knuckles graze an object. Grabbing hold of it, without thinking about what he was doing, he forcefully stabbed at Virgil's leg with it. A hiss of pain told him that he had picked up the knife Roman must have dropped, and he held on to it tightly as Virgil stumbled backwards. The blade of Virgil's knife grazed his skin with a sharp pang and he felt a few beads of liquid drip down his neck. Roman grabbed him from behind, twisting the arm that held the knife behind his back, and pulling it upwards painfully. Biting back, a pained squeak, he rammed his entire body weight into Roman's left knee. Roman buckled, pulling Logan down with him, but that was his own downfall, as the knife Logan was still gripping was shoved into Roman's sternum by the force of the collision with the floor. Roman let out a sort of choking noise, and his grasp on Logan loosened considerably.
"You bastard!" Virgil lunged forward with his blade, and Logan barely stumbled back in time, the thin tip dragging across his skin and drawing a bead of blood once more. "You fucking killed him!" The anguish in Virgil's voice was eclipsed only by the clear hatred. He was fast, but Logan was faster. When he lunged again, Logan bent as far backwards as he could, Virgil's arm and blade missing his throat by centimeters. Adrenaline pushing him to move, he lodged the blade he held in between Virgil's ribs where his liver would be. Unlike with Roman, there was no choking sound, instead Virgil just stilled and stiffened. His eyes rolled back into his head, and he slowly slumped to the ground.
"You killed my baby!" Patton sobbed. "Is it any surprise we couldn't love you? We tried, but you're just so… so evil!" A violent sob racked Patton's whole body. "Light sides are whole and sane, how did you ever think you were one of us?" The knife slipped out of Logan's grasp as his adrenaline began to wear off. He killed them. He fucking killed his best friends. Patton was right he was evil. He was darkness incarnate. And he hated himself for it. He couldn't even call himself logic anymore, with everything that happened recently. He cried, he screamed, he begged, he pleaded, he ran from danger, and he killed two people, none of that logical in the least. His knees buckled. "Now you can't even finish the job?" Patton wailed. "What kind of a monster are you to kill my babies and leave me?" Writing on the floor in front of him appeared.
"Take a pill." Logan did as he was instructed, having learned already that disobeying the maze was asking for pain. That's why he was here now, after all. He held still, listening to Patton's broken sobs, the words he threw at him feeling as though they were physically scalding his flesh. Slowly, ever so slowly, the edges of his vision became the slightest bit fuzzy, and his hearing seemed to have dulled slightly. The scalding on his skin had left him, and the ice in his chest had melted to lukewarm water. He looked into Patton's face as the Moral side continued to cry. He didn't like the sound of it. It was like nails on a chalkboard and, though the fiery feeling of rage or the itching of irritation never came, Logan wanted the sound to stop. One single thought took root in his mind, almost as though someone was standing right next to him, whispering in his ear.
"To make it stop, just pick up the knife and slit his throat." Logan's hand closed around the handle of the knife again and he rose to his feet. Patton was backed against the wall, sobbing for his 'sons'. He raised the knife over his left shoulder as he neared the moral side. He intended to obey the mantra repeating itself in his head, he intended to slit the side's throat, to watch the blood run down his skin, to make that awful sound stop. But he hesitated, because a new voice had sprung up, and it sounded very much like Patton's, but he was still sobbing;
"You love him, don't you dare!" In his hesitation, Patton looked up at him with an expression of utmost disgust.
"Just kill me already, I can't live without my babies." He spat. Both voices in Logan's head shut off, and he studied Patton for a moment. His voice came back into Logan's mind, though his lips still didn't move.
"You love him, make him happy." So Logan did the only logical thing. He knelt down in front of Patton, tilted his chin up gently with two of his fingers, and whispered;
"As you wish." The blade cut into his delicate flesh, and the scarlet river that resulted poured down over his right arm, chest, and lap. And Logan was happy… kind of. There was no warm feeling in his chest, no bubbles either, just the little Patton voice telling him he did good and telling him to smile.
"Logan!" Remus's voice shouted. Confused, Logan looked around for the source of the noise. Remus wasn't here. "Snap out of it, nerdy wolverine." Snap out of what? All of a sudden, everything came to a screeching halt as Logan found himself halfway on, half way off of Remus's bed, with a splitting headache, hands shaking. He silently cursed himself for letting a flash back fully take hold of him like that. He knew he hadn't killed the light sides. They were alive… well, Patton and Virgil were alive, Thomas was mostly okay, and Logan would cure Princey and make Thomas entirely okay. "Logan, what happened?" Expecting his voice to be far more stable than it was, all that came out was a whimper when he tried to respond. To his immense surprise, Remus pulled him back up onto the bed, and put his hand over his, awkwardly, but reassuringly. After struggling a few moments longer, Logan finally got words to leave his mouth.
"I'm a murderer." It wasn't what he meant to say, but he supposed it was close enough.
"They made you kill someone in the maze?" Remus asked. Logan shook his head roughly, knowing he wouldn't be able to form the words, wishing he had his pills back so he could just take a handful and stop being such a stupid bitch. "They made me do that too. I killed Roman. Three times. Every time was easier, and every time it scared me more." Remus nodded. "I killed Virgil and Judas too. Twice I think, but by that time I didn't care anymore. Everything was fake to me… still is… kind of any way." He snapped out of his intense and dark tone and attitude immediately. "Wellp, we can just be murderous cum stains on society together then." He said, back to his chaotically bubbly self. Despite himself, Logan let out a humorous huff of air.
"That sounds good." He forced out, even though he didn't believe it.
"You know, Logan, you really impress me." Remus said joyfully.
"Why the fu-" Remus cut him off, by leaning into his personal space.
"You're so strong. You know what's real and what isn't still, at least for the most part. I don't know how you could have survived, especially with you literally being logic… oh sorry, cunning, right?" He smiled too widely, and now, thinking about everything Logan knew Remus had to have gone through he recognized that Remus likely was trying to put him at ease and just couldn't process that it was scary.
"Yeah… cunning." Logan agreed slowly. Remus snorted slightly.
"I'd rather you be cumming." He snickered, leaning somehow closer still without touching him. Logan froze at first, not wanting to go anywhere near that kind of interaction with anyone, but then he started to rethink. Time seemed to slow down, and his thought process sped up dramatically. I'm in so much emotional pain that it becomes physical, the pills cut it all off, but I may do something while on the pills that causes me more pain later and that will only send me into a spiral of self-loathing until I try to attempt suicide again or overdose and the whole process will have to repeat itself, so I have to find a healthier coping mechanism than the pills. A 'friends with benefits' set up may actually work in my favor here, arousal and adrenaline are fairly well known to drive out other emotions easily, and I'll have the benefit of having a closer connection to Remus. That will likely help him stabilize as well, and if we have that kind of connection, he's less likely to turn on me or attempt to harm me, and that will alleviate a lot of struggle in the long run. Besides, I might like it. Time snapped back to flowing normally the second his thought process ended. Wasting not half a second more- confidence is key- he leaned forward and captured Remus's lips with his own, hoping that Remus wasn't just making out of place lewd jokes as usual. He was reassured by Remus's hand latching onto the back of his head and holding him close. Logan had never kissed someone before, so he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but he had read a few books in which kissing tactics made an appearance so he held the smallest bit of confidence in his abilities. Remus's tongue slid across his bottom lip and Logan, only knowing what he was supposed to do because of his reading in the past, opened his mouth. The feeling of Remus's tongue on his was shocking and almost repulsing at first, but he didn't allow himself to gag or show that he hadn't felt it before. He slowly shifted himself closer to Remus, wondering just why on Earth this was causing sadness to well up in his chest. He felt hands push on his shoulders, and allowed himself to be distracted by Remus's fingers.
