Tonks pounded her fist on the front door. "Dwight! It's me! Are you awake?"
There was a pause. Then there was a stumbling noise coming from inside. The door swung open and she was immediately greeted with a waft of stale stench. His house smelled like cigarettes, old, spilled liquor, and an overpowering man's cologne. The morning sickness washed over her again, or perhaps it was just her nerves. Either way, something was coming up and she had to swallow back the acid.
Dwight was a bit short. He was a quite attractive man when he wasn't sloppily drunk. Today he had on his eyepatch over his glass eye. He was full of fire on his best days, and was roughly the same age as her late husband with a thick Irish accent. But Dwight was also a bit rough around the edges. He was quite intuitive, but with Tonks, they tended to find themselves making more idiotic decisions in each other's company than usual.
Dwight was half-asleep on the doorframe. "Hey, Pinks." He blinked his eyes open enough to see her hair was a mousy brown colour. "Not so pink today, I see. Where you been? Kingsley said you ain't comin' to work much anymore..."
"Can I come in?"
"You been cryin' a lot lately, huh?" He asked skeptically.
"Dwight," She sighed, clasping hand hand over her nose. "I'm exhausted and I'm lonely and I'm at a point right now that I need to talk to someone before I completely lose it."
Dwight could read that her face was ridden with grief. "You ain't in some big fit or nothin', are ya? What time is it even?" He looked at his watch. "... ten in tha' mornin'?"
"I just woke up and dealt with the kids and... I've got so much I could tell you about right now." She just shook her head. He was kind of half mumbling about something and she just stood there, watching him. "Please let me come in for a bit."
"Come on," Dwight wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Woulda cleaned up if I knew you was comin' over. Why are ya wear in' such a heavy jumper? Id'n't it hot outside?" His door was crowded with junk. She was surprised he could ever find his shoes on a good day. There were dirty dishes and glasses on just about every surface. She steered clear of the kitchen due to the innate rotten smell.
His wife, Mary Anne wasn't home. Tonks didn't know if Mary Anne even lived there. There were small semblances of femininity, like very simple pictures that were hanging on the walls or the candles on the coffee table. There weren't any pictures of him, or of anyone for that matter, hanging up. There weren't any feminine shoes by the door, or any other small decorations that would have indicated that a woman had staked her claim here (Tonks was fairly certain no woman with any decent standards would want to stay in such a nasty house). But Dwight probably wouldn't buy candles simply for the aesthetic of them.
He took her to a sofa in the living room. There was an annoying sound coming from the radio, like it was picking up several channels at once over the static. There was a lit cigarette in an ashtray beside her. Dwight tuned the radio down, sitting beside her on a relatively clean sofa. "May I?" She pointed to the cigarette. He nodded. She picked it up and took a long drag, its embers flickering. "I-haven't smoked since... god, since Teddy was a baby." Her voice sounded nostalgic. "No, I remember I smoked one when Elena got sorted. So what, six years ago? And I thought that was stressful."
"That'll kill ya." He chuckled. There was a glass half-full with some gross coloured liquid in it in his hand. He took a swift drink.
"Good." She replied. Her sarcasm was a bit too strong. "My family's actually worried that I'm going to, you know, do it. Not the kids, I don't think, but I think it's crossed my mum's mind and definitely a couple of friends."
He nodded quietly. "You good?" Dwight was already pouring himself another glass from a bottle, both items she was certain he conjured out of thin air. He picked up on her uncertainty. "I mean, yer not commin' here just ta tell me what yer leavin' me on yer will, yeah? 'Cause I know you've got a nice house 'n all, but really, none o' us wanna see tha' 'appen to ya."
"You're a sloppy drunk." Tonks rolled her eyes.
"Tell me something I don' know." Dwight stared at her carefully, but he felt more sober than before. As an auror, he naturally had to be very careful, detailed, and stealthy. Dwight was none of those things naturally, but he had the great capability to fake it. His vision might constantly be blurry, and even non-existent in his glass eye, but something was strange about her. He noted when she walked in, how she carried her weight in her hips more, almost sort of sagging down. "Are you okay? Like... really, are you okay?"
She tilted her head to look at him. "I'm okay." She said in a limp voice.
"No, her not." Dwight coaxed. "Come on, yer not gonna jus' sit there an' lie to an old friend now, are ya?"
"Dwight..." She tilted her head back, staring straight up to avoid his eye contact. "Dwight, there's probably something that you should know. And I know it's a shock, it's been a shock to everyone so far, but I can't just go around and pretend like it's not going on."
"Mornin', Pinks." Dwight said lightly, looking up at her. Mascara blotched around her sleepless eyes. Her bottom lip was visibly quivering with exhaustion and grief. She would burst open any second now into a flood of tears. Dwight thought she might faint if she had the chance. "Uh oh..."
"Morning." She sniffled. She was pretending, he knew that.
"Shit, ya look like hell. You been cryin' yer eyes out?" He asked. "In the elevator?"
"No." She replied wearily, wiping under her eyes.
"I know them tears... Come over here, will ya? And shut the door behind you." He slid his chair back from his desk, the work on his desk completely discarded. He waved his hand to make their small office door shut. This was the same woman to hung up a quidditch poster behind her desk just to compete with his rival quidditch poster, decking out with Hufflepuff decor when he decked out with Slytherin garb. She had a kid she popped out during the war, with hair just like hers, and Dwight knew about that. And a husband, who was a werewolf and a teacher. He was a lot of fun.
And Tonks has been acting differently lately. She'd come into work with a smile on her lips like she knew a secret no one else did. She was a bit more cocky and outspoken than usual. Then one morning, he caught her in the office earlier than usual and the head of the department called him into the office. She was pregnant! The head of the department told him. Dwight couldn't have been more happy for his friend and her little family. Of course, he was more than miffed that for the duration of her maternity leave, he would be stuck with all her field work. They couldn't have a Mum-to-Be out dealing with the public, they might start thinking the authors were bored. Tonks was glowing. She was also a lot more sick than usual, but Dwight had never seen her happier and he didn't mind putting up with her grumpiness. He also didn't mind watching her face light up when he asked her about her day or what names they had picked out and all that other stuff.
Until that morning.
Sparrow Dwight had been in love once. He was in love with a beautiful woman named Mary Anne Flauntier, and the name fit her perfectly. She was a wild spirit, with freckles and maple colored hair. She could sing and dance better than anyone Sparrow Dwight knew. She loved watching sunrises. Her favorite food was blueberry pancakes and she loved muggle movies and plays, and she had a particular taste for expensive clothes, something Dwight found absolutely alluring. She traveled a lot for work. Mary Anne would always bring him chocolates from wherever she visited because she knew he loved it, and when she ended up eating half of it herself while they were lying in bed, he loved her even more.
And as far as he would say, Dwight would have been a father of two, at quite a young age as well. Those were the days where he would sit down for dinner with a glass on white wine and he always knew when to stop. Addiction was genetic and he didn't want to make himself vulnerable. Being Irish, there was plenty of jokes made about him keeping sober, but he was fresh out of the auror academy and he was going to be a father. Nothing in the world was going to stop him.
He never saw why he shouldn't have been a father, though he never really wanted kids. Not until his girlfriend, Mary Anne came running in, throwing her arms around him with excitement. Twins! The ultrasound said. They were pregnant, and they were going to get married, and they were going to buy a house together. And they did! Mary Anne Flauntier-Dwight was her name.
But they never had a chance to pick out names. Dwight made a list of names for her to look over when she came home, but she always said she was too tired to look at them. Dwight decorated the nursery by himself when he wasn't working nights. He chose green because he knew it was her favourite colour (which absolutely had nothing to do with his Hogwarts house, no, no, no). She continued to travel long distances by herself. But when she was home, he always held her hair when she vomited and he cradled her when she sat in a fit of hormonal tears. Dwight didn't mind any of it either. He would make her all of the blueberry-chocolate-peanut butter pancakes she could eat without inevitably puking and he'd still support her the entire time.
They were on the honeymoon when she trekked out of the bathroom, eerily quiet as she tossed her underwear into a bin, collapsing on the bed in pain. He knew Mary Anne wanted to be a mum. Dwight was so worried she would never stop crying. He took her to the hospital to make sure nothing else was wrong with her and he held onto her limp body the entire time. Dwight cared for her every second while she recovered, showering her with more affection than ever, even if she said she was well enough to go to work the next day, and as soon as she was ready, they were going to try for another baby or two, no matter what they had to do.
Then Mary Anne began traveling again... and she seemed to be gone for longer and longer periods. Of course, Dwight was always excited to get to see his sweetheart and even more excited that maybe this was the month she would throw her arms around him the way she did before and tell him that she loved him and that they were one month closer to meeting their baby. They started fighting more, which distressed Dwight. They argued about finances and sex, of course, and it turned out she was spending more on frivolous things than they were making each month. That was the first time he found a bruise on her neck. She said it was a nasty hex and Dwight, being so much in love with her, believed her.
Then she vanished for four years. He had to undecorate the nursery alone. He had to grieve the loss of both the love of his life, and both of his babies. Dwight eventually had to sell the house because the bills were too much. The only thing left of his life was an ultrasound picture he kept on his refrigerator, with colourful notations he had written in with the babies' nicknames. Rumour from someone who knew someone who was in contact with Mary Anne informed Dwight that she was living in Italy with a rich, older wizard. And according to this person, she might have never actually been pregnant, but simply failed at scamming out Dwight. Then the person frowned, telling Dwight that at the very least, the babies weren't his, because he was one of the several other sweethearts that Mary Anne had overseas. Dwight didn't see her again until her entire scheme fell apart and she was arrested when her bills stopped adding up with her income and purchases. Ironically, none of her lovers visited her in jail. But her husband would visit every Saturday, with chocolates, a magazine, and promise to save up to bail her out. And he always kept his promises with her. Nowadays, he found himself running into her, but only when it was convenient to her.
Tonks shut her eyes, tears still fighting to spill out. She probably didn't notice, but her arms were wrapped tightly around her middle. It had only been a few weeks since she announced her pregnancy and Dwight had playfully told her to do all of his paperwork since she was desk-bound. This was apparently a surprise to her when she accidentally found out after a particularly difficult mission, but she loved talking about the baby. She loved being excited. She and her husband had no nursery to repaint, but supposedly, Tonks confessed that they had a name ready to go. Now all of it was gone in an instant. Dwight felt guilty. He wished he had at least physically felt his loss, that maybe he could relate somehow. Tonks had to endure it. She might not have said it, but Dwight was good at knowing people, and he knew those tears. "Dwight, I'm f-"
"Yer about to start cryin' so don't give me that crap." Dwight snapped. She dragged her chair over behind his desk, sitting down. "Why didn't ya call in sick?"
"Because I'm fi-"
"'Cause yer tryin' be a bloody-" He stopped himself short. He wanted to call her an idiot. She probably just needed to lie down before she did actually hurt herself. "I'm sorry."
Tonks shook her head. "You didn't do anything."
The two sat quietly for a while. "Can I do anythin' for you? Yer husband?" He felt utterly helpless, staring at his friend. He wanted to do something, anything to fix her tears. He wanted to hug her tighter than he had hugged anyone else in his life.
She shook her head. "We'll manage, I think."
Dwight frowned. "Do ya want me ta go tell the uppers or do you wanna?"
Tonks shook her head again, mumbling a thanks as her partner headed out of the office. Sparrow Dwight, in his fuzzy, hangover-induced haze, didn't just go and talk to their superiors. He marched straight up to Kingsley Shacklebolt's office for auror Nymphadora "I don' give a bloody shit if she ain't here wit me, she's havin' a complete come apart in the office and she needs to be in bed right now or else she migh' actually star' hemorrhaging" Lupin. They were going to look after each other, and besides, he owed her one after the time a wizard broke half the bones in his face and Tonks had to be the one to cover for him.
Tonks stared back in confusion, awaiting some kind of a response.
"I thought... I thought... wadn't Remus my age when he went? How long's 'e been gone fer now?" Dwight said simply.
"It was a complete misstep on our part, honest." She shook her head. "Right before he died, was when I found out."
"I thought Remus'd be a bit too old to knock you up again. Wouldn't you've started going through menopause or whatever? What was he, fifty-five?"
Tonks threw up her hands. "You caught me. I'm the .0001 percent. Dunno how it happened. Dunno why it's me." Something was rather off in her voice. "Dwight, I don't know what to do." She was suddenly crying and it didn't seem to be out of search for sympathy. "I'm stuck here, my husband's dead and my kids are pissed off at me."
"They're angry at you? Fer what?" He demanded.
"I... Dwight, I didn't tell Remus." Tonks was sobbing even harder, her head in her hands. No amount of cigarettes we're going to clean up that mess. "He died and he had no idea! I had to tell the kids when they started asking questions and all. Teddy's... frustrated, he misses his father, and Merlin's Beard, Lena's completely run off to live with a friend and she won't talk to me and Teddy keeps trying to get her to come home, which I appreciate, but come on now, she already hates my guts and thinks he's been set up and all-"
"Pi-" Dwight shook his head. He swiftly sat down beside her. "Nymphadora Tonks, yer gonna to be okay. You know that. In tha end, yer gonna make it ou' on top o' this. It don't matter no more because 'e's dead. You gotta grieve real good now, and it's gonna get bette' eventually."
She was still crying in her hands. "I'm such an idiot. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel better. I can't feel better, because I'm a complete moron!"
"Quit beatin' yerself up like tha'. Ya can' fix it now." He wasn't exactly sure how to comfort her. He attempted to hug her. They had been a bit more intimate in the past, never going further than platonic snuggling after a nightmare episode in Egypt, yet he felt like he was breaking in and robbing her personal space. "I'm sorry if I'm a bit insensitive, I'm really tryin' ta help."
Tonks have a courteous laugh. "I'm sorry to be such a bother to you. I'm just... lost right now."
