Natsu paced back and forth in front of his bed, hands gripped tightly into fists. He glanced over to his digital clock in the corner of the room, 5:52 am and he still hadn't been able to get a wink of sleep. His mind wouldn't shut off no matter how hard he tried and it was so frustrating. He didn't understand what was going on.

He understood that Lucy was the reason that his mind wouldn't stop racing.

He understood that he was sexually frustrated beyond belief.

He understood that Lucy wanted him just as much as he wanted her. Their date had awakened something in the both of them.

However, he didn't understand what she had been thinking.

He didn't understand why he did what he did.

He didn't understand why he stopped: Why he told her to stop.

And he sure as all Hell didn't understand why every time he thought about his blonde best friend, his stomach would start turning as if he were on a roller coaster. His palms would start to sweat every time he thought about holding her hand and his body temperature would rise ten degrees every time he thought about seeing her.

He didn't fucking understand.

Sweat rolled down the side of his temple and he swiped it away with the back of his hand.

Natsu Dragneel was stressed.

He had so many new feelings he didn't know what to do with them all. They were foreign and toxic. He felt dirty every time he thought about these new emotions. It wasn't so much that he just wanted to see her naked (even though that would be abso-fucking-lutely amazing) but rather it was much more than that.

He wanted a life with her.

He wanted them to go on adventures with one another.

He wanted to be able to support her hopes and dreams while she supported his in return.

He had started to think about what his life would be like after they graduated and Lucy was always in those thoughts.

She never left.

Always by his side.

Always brightening his day with her smile.

He thought of his mom and dad. They had been perfect together and Natsu always knew in the back of his mind that they were soul mates. He didn't necessarily believe in the term, but his parents made him reconsider. They were too perfect for one another. The only reason they had ever broken up was because of pointless, stupid stubbornness.

A sudden thought hit him then.

What if Lucy was his soul mate?

Natsu scoffed and sat down on his bed, placing his head in his hot hands, a deep sigh erupted from his lips.

She would be getting the short end of the deal there.

He felt like he had nothing to offer this amazing woman.

Sure, he had good grades and was good-looking, but what else could he give her?

He didn't know what to do with his life yet and they were nearing the start of their second semester of senior year. What was going to happen after that? Was he supposed to get a job after they graduated? He had a full-ride basketball scholarship to FT University but what about classes? He wasn't going to go pro when it came to the sport he only did it to get the full-ride to pursue his dream.

But, what was his dream?

Did he even have a dream?

He didn't really have hobbies or passion when it came to anything really.

Lucy had dreams and aspirations though. She had goals and was working hard to become what she had always wanted to be, while Natsu had just sat back and never thought about what he was going to do as a career.

How was he going to support her? How was he going to be able to face her when she was out pursuing her dream and he was lazing around not knowing what to do with his life? How was he going to ever get the confidence to make her officially his when he wasn't confident in himself?

Natsu had never had thoughts like this before.

Natsu fucking Dragneel was confident in everything he did and was about to do. He had never second guessed himself before.

But, he had also never thought about his future before.

Why did she do this to him?

He couldn't help but think that he wasn't good enough for her.

How he couldn't be everything she needed.

What if she couldn't handle his uncertainty?

What if she left him?

What would he do if she abandoned him?

Natsu sighed and grabbed his phone from his nightstand. He unlocked the screen and the large numbers read 6:27 am. Lucy wasn't going to be awake yet and honestly he didn't know if he really wanted to talk to her at the moment. She would definitely make him feel better about everything but, he really needed to sort out some of his thoughts first.

Natsu thought about who he could call so early in the morning and a sudden thought hit him.

He knew exactly who he should be talking to about all of this.

The one woman who could make anything in his life hundreds of times better and fix any sort of mess that needed to be mended.

Before he could stop himself he found his fingers dialing the familiar number.

She answered on the second ring.

"Baby?" Her voice was smooth as honey and Natsu instantly felt all of his earlier stresses leaving his body and white-hot emotion flooded through his entire being.

"Hey, mama." His voice came out small and sad, throat closing from emotion, the back of his eyes burned hot from unshed tears.

Natsu blinked rapidly hoping his mom didn't hear the change in his voice.

"What's wrong, honey?" The concern in her voice made Natsu that much more emotional. Of course she picked up on it, he could never hide anything from her. He opened his mouth trying to form words, but nothing came to him.

What was he even supposed to say to her? How was he supposed to fix this? He didn't know what he was doing and he didn't know if she was going to be able to help him. Hell, she wasn't even his real mom why would she want to help him? She had her own family to worry about. He was a nuisance to her, her husband had only told him that much too many times to count, so why was he calling her now?

Natsu had felt alone for so long.

Even if she didn't really care just hearing her voice made things a little better.

Made him feel a little less alone.

"Natsu," She spoke after a few moments of silence. "No matter what is going on to make you call me this early, always know that I am so beyond proud of you and even if things seem to be falling apart right now, you'll find a way to build yourself back up because you a strong and amazing young man. Whatever happens now or in the future just know that I love you, Natsu Dragneel."

A large, heartbroken sob erupted from deep within Natsu's chest and his hands began to shake.

She didn't have to answer the phone, but she did.

She didn't have to say those words to him, but she did.

She didn't have to love him.

But, she did.

"Can you tell me what's wrong, baby?" Natsu took in a deep, shaky breath and wiped his wet cheeks.

"I don't know what to do." He said finally. Grandeeney hummed lightly on the other end of the line.

"No one actually knows what to do." She said after a moment. " You just do the best you can do with what you have, and make the most out of every situation."

"But, how do I do that, mom? How do I make the most out of a situation I don't understand?" Natsu asked.

"I have a little story to tell you about your dad, honey." She giggled lightly and Natsu couldn't help but smile a little. He loved hearing stories about his dad. "He asked me something similar before we started dating. He kept saying 'Neenee, I don't know what to do with my life. I have too much to lose if I fail and I'm so nervous to mess things up. I'm trying to be unselfish, but really I feel like I'm the most selfish person in the world. What am I supposed to do?'" Natsu hugged the phone closer to his ear. He wished he was there with her hearing this instead of on the phone, but this would do for now. Christmas Eve was only two days away.

"What did you tell him?" He asked, truly curious. He had no idea his dad felt the same way he did at one point in time.

Maybe, he wasn't so alone after all?

"I told him to be selfish then. To go and search to find what he was passionate about because in order to help those around you, you have to figure yourself out first. How are you supposed to love someone if you can't even love yourself? Relationships, careers, fatherhood, everything revolves around yourself. It's okay to be confused about your life. It's okay to mess up and to be scared. It's okay to fail." Tears welled up in Natsu's eyes.

"But what if my failing leads to me ending up alone?" He thought of Lucy. She had a plan. She was going to school to become an English teacher. She had determination and knew exactly what she wanted, why would she ever want someone as confused and indecisive as him?

"Natsu," Her voice broke him of his thoughts. "You will never be alone as long as you work hard and try your best. There may be time in your life when you feel so alone, when nothing seems to be going right, when your whole world is crashing down around you, but the most important thing to do is to get back up, brush off your knees, and keep walking. Nothing can stop you except for yourself.

"I've felt alone. I've been down on my knees begging someone to help me and show me the way to happiness. I know what it's like to be confused and to question why I'm on this earth. I've wondered what my purpose is, I've wondered what I'm supposed to do with my life, I've wondered if anyone would ever love me for me when I couldn't even love myself.

"But, the thing is, someone will always love you. Truly love you for you, not this horse shit you've been thinking love is from all those crazy, obsessive girls at your school." Natsu snorted out a laugh. "It's taken me a long time to figure out for myself what my purpose is and honestly, I'm still trying to figure it out and fully grasp it. It's all a learning experience and it's different for everyone. You've been through things others haven't and others have been through things you haven't, so take each day at a time. No day will be the same, you'll have days where you think nothing will ever go right and where everything is pointless, but then you'll have days where you're so happy you just have to yell it from the rooftops." Grandeeney laughed lightly.

"You'll be okay, honey. I know that for a fact." Natsu sighed lightly. Talking to his mom always made everything in his life seem so much less scary. Gray was right, you couldn't keep things bottled up, talking always made it better.

"I'm trying to be okay. I'm trying really hard." He said.

"I know you are." He could hear the smile in her voice and he couldn't help but smile to. "But," She continued. "You haven't even told me the reason for this early phone call, I've just been rambling. Would you like to talk about it?" Natsu laughed.

"You pretty much nailed it." Natsu stared out his window, watching the morning sun rise higher in the sky. "I've been feeling really down lately about my life. Not knowing what I'm going to be doing in a year is very scary, but your speech made it a little more bearable." Silence filled Natsu's ear and he almost wondered if he lost connection.

"Is this about this Lucy girl you've told me about?" Natsu closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

She was way too good.

"It is."

"God, Natsu, she's not pregnant, is she?" Natsu laughed wholeheartedly. Of course she would ask that.

"No, mom, she's not pregnant. " Grandeeney breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness, I almost had a heart attack. I'm too young to be a grandmother Natsu!" Natsu shook his head.

"Yes, you've only told me this a thousand times."

"And I'll tell you a thousand more times! No babies until I'm at least forty-five." Natsu almost rolled his eyes.

"That's only four years away."

"My point exactly." Grandeeney huffed out. "You have four years to find a girl, marry her, and hopefully get all the way through college or at least most of the way, and then you can think about babies." Natsu pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Why are we talking about babies, mom?"

"I got panicked." Natsu chuckled and shook his head.

That was so typical of her.

Lucy acted a lot like that to. Always worrying about silly things.

And there he went thinking about Lucy again.

She could never stay out of his mind for long.

She was like an addiction.

He just wasn't sure if it was a good or bad addiction.

"Well, stop being panicked for a minute cause I need to ask your advice for something." Natsu could just picture her raising one of her light blue brows at him.

"What is it?" She asked, curiosity lacing her voice.

"How do I prove to Lucy that I really like her?" That was the what he decided to start this conversation with.

It seemed like a good idea.

"If I know you as well as I think I do, I'd say you've done everything you can do. It might just be something to where she has to have that realization that you are there for her and want her to continue being in your life. It's going to be up to her, you can't force your feelings on someone." Natsu considered what she said. "Are you a hundred percent sure you like this girl?" Natsu didn't even have to thin about it.

"I do."

"Wow, not even a little bit of a hesitation. You're really smitten with her, aren't you?" Natsu blushed. He didn't want to be having a conversation about his feeling with his mom.

"Mom, please."

"Okay, okay, end of conversation." Natsu sighed.

She was right, forcing his feelings on Lucy was wrong and he thought maybe that had been what he was doing the whole time. He needed to take it slow and let her realize her feelings.

If she had any that is.

Now, that was a depressing thought.

"Okay, now next question." Natsu took a deep breath.

"How do I prove to myself that I'm someone she can be with?"


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