To Cesar848: Wise indeed.
To Butterfly: "This was intense." Me: "Hold my coffee."
To yellow 14: Having been on that side of the counseling a few times, it wasn't exactly hard to imagine Sabrina's doubts!
Emilie exhaled slowly, setting a placid expression on her face. The swirl of tangled emotions emanating from the girl in front of her would take every bit of Emilie's concentration to help her untangle and sort out. At the group meeting she had only gotten a hint of what was going on under the surface. Here, without any distractions, Emilie could plumb the depths of the shame and pain and terror and fear and suffering and–
Emilie pulled in another shaky breath and dragged herself out of the morass lurking below the surface. If she was going to help this girl, she couldn't allow herself to get bogged down in the details. "And how are you feeling today, sweetheart?" she asked calmly.
"Better," Aisha responded, though her frown and attendant spike of anxiety hinted otherwise.
"Did you sleep okay in an unfamiliar bed?" Emilie smiled warmly to set her at ease. "I always find that it takes a bit to get used to new surroundings."
Aisha nodded. "It did take me a little bit to get to sleep, but the bed here is so soft! I don't think I've ever had a bed so soft. Abdi and I had to share a bed growing up, and it wasn't much better than sleeping on the floor – just sleeping on a couple of blankets. My bed at the Temple now is so much nicer than that, but it's nothing to compare to this one. And last year I could never sleep well because–"
A wave of terror broke over Aisha, and it took all of her self-control for Emilie not to gasp. The girl trembled, quivering in her seat, her eyes clenched tightly shut. Emilie could feel the terror building, crashing against the emotional dykes that Aisha had erected in her mind to hold it at bay and keep it from overwhelming her paltry defenses. Nooroo patted Emilie's cheek encouragingly and flitted across to sit on Aisha's knee, his wings fluttering against her hand. The girl's emotions hardly changed. Emilie steeled herself and mentally reached into her pool of chi, withdrawing a glowing hand. Without moving her physical body, she stretched out her chi-infused hand to the ocean of Aisha's emotions, finding her terror and shame, and inhaled, removing as much of the negative emotions as she could handle. Fear swamped Emilie's own defenses, and she swallowed back bile at the mingled shame and guilt. Nooroo gave her a look, his eyes widening – there was a reason she had swapped miraculous with Sabrina for this session. Emilie set her jaw firmly, forcing herself to remember her training. She held her breath for a long minute and exhaled, releasing the excess negative emotions into the atmosphere as she did so. Opening her eyes, she examined Aisha closely. Her breathing had evened out, but the lines of tension crisscrossing her drawn face still showed the battle raging within her as the pain and terror threatened to drown her. Once more, Emilie reached into her own chi, a golden ocean of vitality and strength, and repeated the process, wicking away more of Aisha's terror and anxiety and shame.
Finally, Aisha opened her eyes, anxiously rubbing Nooroo's head, and sniffed. Her negative emotions were back under her control. Emilie allowed herself to relax into her armchair just a fraction. "It will help if you can talk through what was going through your mind just now," Emilie told her gently.
Aisha's breathing hitched, but she nodded reluctantly. "I was remembering the first time Popo–that–that he…" Her emotion level rose again.
"Breathe with me," Emilie instructed, taking in a slow breath and releasing it. Aisha copied the action. "Now close your eyes and picture yourself in familiar surroundings. Your temple has a waterfall, right?" Aisha nodded. "Picture yourself sitting in the pond at the base of the waterfall, surrounded by your friends. The sun shines brightly on your face, warming you despite the cold water. The water tumbles down around you. It washes over you and disappears down the stream, never to be seen again. You are calm. You are safe. Your emotions are still there, but they pass you by just like the water."
Aisha's fear and anxiety dropped, replaced with a level of calm. "It was just after sundown when the militants arrived," she began, speaking woodenly, her eyes closed and her hands clenched into tight fists, trembling in her lap. "We were sitting down to eat when men with guns burst into our home. Father tried to fight, but the man hit him in the head with the butt of his gun before shooting him in the face. There was so much blood – his head–" She swallowed. "Mother screamed, and another man grabbed her by the hair and dragged her across the room to the bed. I could still hear her screams behind me as the man who killed Father forced Abdi and me out of the house. A couple minutes later, our house was on fire, Mother and Father still inside."
"I can imagine that was the most terrifying moment of your life to that point," Emilie observed, tapping into Aisha's remembered terror and drawing a tiny bit out. "Was that the first time you had ever truly felt unsafe?"
"Life wasn't exactly easy," responded Aisha, "but I always thought Father would protect me – but then he wasn't there anymore." Her emotions turned sad and she sniffed.
Emilie held out a box of tissues and gave her a sympathetic smile. "You lost so much, and all at once."
Aisha pulled out a tissue and blew her nose. "Popo never even gave me a chance to grieve," she whispered, staring down at the floor. "The house was still burning behind us – I thought I could hear Mother's screams over the crackling of the fire – when the men herded us into the crowd in front of Popo. One of his men – Goota-Lolaa – separated the boys from the rest of the group. Abdi resisted, but Goota-Lolaa hit him in the face with the butt of his rifle and threatened to shoot him. That was when I let go of his hand, and he went with the others. Then Popo waved a hand for his men to take what girls they wanted, and the one who had killed Father grabbed my shoulder." Unconsciously she reached up to rub her shoulder. Emilie watched her quietly. Her emotions still seemed to be under control. "I still don't know why Popo stopped him. But I was grateful at first! I had heard enough stories to know what was going to happen, and I thought he had spared me."
Her emotions turned to shame, and Emilie gently consoled her, "You could never have prepared for what he did to you."
"I know," Aisha admitted, her lower lip trembling. Her voice cracked. Nooroo nuzzled against her hand and she sniffed. "It hurt. So much. Every centimeter of my body hurt. Every night he would do it. It didn't matter what I said or what I did. It didn't matter how much I begged or pleaded or screamed. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't escape. I started to wish for death. But even that wasn't in my power."
Emilie concentrated on Aisha's emotions, which were starting to build again. "You are safe," she reminded her. "He will never hurt you or anyone else again. You are in control. Can you repeat that for me?"
Aisha closed her eyes. "I am safe," she whispered. "He won't hurt me again. I'm in control."
"That's good!" Emilie praised her softly. "I can imagine that you felt very powerless over the last year. Is that accurate?"
"I couldn't do anything for myself," Aisha agreed sadly. "Popo never left me alone – or not for very long. He didn't allow me to do anything for myself. There was nowhere I could go, nothing I could do. I was a prisoner."
"You were powerless." Emilie pursed her lips sympathetically. "Were," she emphasized. "But now you are no longer powerless, are you?"
Aisha shook her head. "I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I can choose where to live or what to do!"
"You've taken back control."
"I… I think this is actually the first time in my life that's been true," Aisha agreed, eyes widening in realization. "Even before, I was still reliant on my parents. But not… not even that now." Her emotions twisted – happiness and grief warring against each other. "There's still Mohamed and Guardian Said, but that's it."
"I know that isn't an easy realization for you to have," Emilie warned her. "Especially after losing your parents. But after the lack of control your imprisonment brought with it, the opportunity to make your own choices on anything is not something you can take lightly."
Aisha nodded slowly, though her emotions remained clouded.
"You still feel shame because of what he did to you," Emilie observed delicately.
Aisha's head bowed. "He…" She swallowed heavily. "Who would want me after he… did what he did to me?"
"You think that his actions have isolated you from your village or your people," Emilie guessed. "That because of what he did, you cannot fit in again." Aisha nodded. "Tell me," Emilie responded, "do you have a village now?"
Aisha shook her head, the grief coming back to the fore. Tears pooled at the corners of her eyes. "No. it was wiped out."
"What about the temple? Have you been isolated or made to feel unwelcome there?"
"Of course not!" Aisha insisted, eyes widening in surprise. "The opposite: Nawal and Mohamed go out of their way to make sure I feel welcome and like I'm part of the group."
"Has your brother disowned you?"
"No."
"As a matter of fact, you now have a family at the temple that loves you and wants what's best for you."
"I know that," Aisha agreed, nodding. Her shoulders slumped and she frowned. "But sometimes it's just hard to remember that Abdi and Nawal and the others really have accepted me, despite what Popo did to me."
"It is going to take time for you to get there," Emilie acknowledged with a sympathetic smile, "but the ability to process your emotions in a healthy manner which we're working on this week will help you understand why you feel the way you do and keep from becoming so overwhelmed in the future. You've felt overwhelmed by your emotions, haven't you?"
Aisha nodded.
"I can see that you have learned to cope by hiding away from your emotions, burying them where they can't find you."
"It's just–sometimes it's just too much."
"And sometimes hiding them away is all you can do," Emilie told her, scooting her chair closer and holding out her hands. Aisha placed her hands on Emilie's and looked her in the eye, grief plain in her face. Nooroo shifted to sit on top of their joined hands. Emilie took a calming breath and told Aisha, "Hiding away from your emotions can also be unhealthy when you do it for a long time – especially when they can escape. And you don't need to hide from them right now. This week I'm going to help you learn how to process your emotions. With my miraculous I can ease your emotions a little bit, take enough off of them to keep you from becoming overwhelmed in the future. I can't be there to do it for you every time, but this week I'm going to meet with you every day to teach you some exercises and techniques that you can do on your own to process your emotions in a healthy manner, without becoming overwhelmed. But for the best results you'll have to practice, and you'll have to use these regularly, not just when you start to feel overwhelmed."
Aisha nodded, a hint of hope starting to form alongside the fear and pain and grief.
Emilie smiled confidently and gently squeezed her hands. "Good. Now let's start with your breathing."
