"YOU THERE!"

I stopped, turning around. Standing behind me was a villain with an absolutely disgusting colour scheme. Bright pink hair, covered in a hideous metal suit, and glasses that reminded me of cucumber slices. She was wielding a long, vacuum cleaner-esque weapon in her hands. A nasty grin was on her face.

Worst of all, that weapon was pointed right at my throat.

"Uh…" I paled. "Hi."

"YOU KNOW ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF THESE, DON'T YOU?" She boomed, holding up a phone. On it was a video of a banana being eaten in some classroom... but nothing was there eating it.

"What are you talking about…?" I asked.

"DON'T YOU PLAY DUMB WITH ME!" she boomed. "YOU KNOW THE TRUTH!"

"Huh?" I made a face at the video. "There's nothing there eating the banana… special effects?"

The villain got closer to me. "No, you've seen them. Those little animal-like creatures. The little ladybug and the cat."

I tried not to let the shock show on my face.

"I… I still have no idea what you're talking about," I titled my head.

"Stubborn boy," she growled. "I'm going to get answers out of you, NO MATTER WHAT."

"Just leave me alone," I backed up. "I don't have anything you want."

"Oh, yes, you do," she hissed. "Haven't you heard of me? I am Kwamibuster, and soon, I'll be the greatest scientist in the whole world!"

"I have no idea who you are…" I told her.

"Are you serious?" she curled her lip. "Don't you watch the news, boy?"

"I've been trying to avoid the news lately, honestly," I admitted. "It's just the same stuff over and over again. Tragedy this, tragedy that… it gets depressing real fast."

"Well then, allow me to enlighten you," Kwamibuster grinned, holding out her weapon. "From my studies, I have conducted that whenever you are around, Ladybug and Chat Noir will also make an appearance. However, Ladybug has lost her kwami."

She showed a little compartment inside the weapon; in there was Tikki. She floated around in there, swirling about like it was a vacuum cleaner.

"What in Hell?!" I stumbled back.

"Now I just need Chat Noir's kwami," Kwamibuster chuckled, "and then I will be the GREATEST SCIENTIST OF ALL TIME!"

Well… shit, I thought. How're you gonna get out of this one, you two…

Kwamibuster pointed her weapon at me. "Alright, little boy. Let's see how long it takes for the kitty cat to walk into the trap." She snapped her fingers. "True or false. Chat Noir will save you if I throw you off the Eiffel Tower."

I paled. "Uh-"

FLASH

All of the sudden, I was dangling thousands of feet above the ground. Holding me up by the back of my hoodie was none other than Kwamibuster, holding me over the edge of the Eiffel Tower. The Seine was below me, menacingly awaiting for my demise.

My own screams were held in by my throat being choked up in fear. I forced myself to look away, tears almost slipping down my cheeks. And of course, right next to us was a goddamn camera, so the whole world got to see me suffering… again.

"Ladybug!" Kwamibuster boomed at the camera. "I already have your Kwami, and soon I'll have your Miraculous, too. True or false."

Her grip slightly loosened on my hoodie.

Oh god oh fuck oh please-

"Chat Noir, you will come and save Mr. Couture if I let him fall," Kwamibuster continued, "and then your kwami will be mine. True or false."

No one came.

"Well then," Kwamibuster grinned at me. "I think it's time the experiment began."

She opened her hand. And then I fell.

Someone grabbed me, pulling me to safety. Of course, it was Chat Noir. He placed me beneath the Eiffel Tower, looking up where Kwamibuster stood. I almost fainted on the spot, gazing up at the looming tower.

"You okay?" he asked me.

I grimaced. "Yeah, fine, but-"

"Predictable," Kwamibuster clapped. "So predictable, Chat Noir."

Like she was in the Olympics or something, she did a flip, landing right beside us. Chat Noir held out his staff, standing in front of me.

"I believe Mr. Couture knows a lot more about you than you might believe, Chat Noir," Kwamibuster chuckled.

"Huh?" Chat Noir gazed down at me. "What do you mean?"

"He knows about the existence of Kwamis!" Kwamibuster cackled.

I grimaced. "Where'd you get the idea I know about kwamis from?"

"You're always around these two superheroes," Kwamibuster explained, "therefore, it's most likely you know about kwamis, and, I daresay… their secret identities."

There was a long, tense silence. Then I burst out laughing.

"Maybe you're smarter than I thought," I told her. "Or maybe, completely stupid, since you don't know their identities. It's pretty obvious after all. Yet... if I told you who they were, you wouldn't believe me."

Kwamibuster raised a brow. "Oh? Enlighten me with your hypothesis."

Chat Noir went tense. I gazed at him.

Think of something, man! I thought. Come on! Adrien Agreste is smart, you can be smart, too!

"They…" I sighed. "Their identities are…" I made a face, breathing in. "Are you sure you want to know…?"

Kwamibuster gritted her teeth. "Yes!"

"Are you absolutely 100 percent positive sure?" I asked, blinking my eyelashes.

"YES!" Kwamibuster boomed, her weapon glowing. "NOW TELL ME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!"

"Oh, okay…" I played with my hair like an anime school girl. "I just wanted to be sure."

Kwamibuster growled, glaring right at me. I took a deep breath. The camera was on me again, making my hands shiver. Why did the whole world have to watch me suffer…?

"Come closer," I held out my finger.

Kwamibuster leaned in. I tried to avoid looking at the dark, sketchy blotch floating around behind her. The one that definitely wasn't Chat Noir. Hint hint.

Soon, Kwamibuster was standing right above me. I took in one last breath.

"They…" I pursed my lips. "... aren't gonna reveal themselves because it's just that blatantly obvious anyway."

Kwamibuster raised her brow, but it was too late.

"CATACYLSM!"

Chat Noir came up from behind her, holding out his glowing claws. Kwamibuster tensed… then grinned, batting him away. He crashed onto the ground.

"You foolish children," Kwamibuster chuckled. "Your plan was well thought out but its execution was terrible. Now you shall SUFFER THE REPERCUSSIONS OF YOUR FAILED EXPERIMENT!"

She turned the weapon on Chat Noir; it whirred, sucking the air around him.

"Adr- Chat Noir!" I gasped.

The weapon sucked up his ring. He raced off, darting behind one of the legs of the Eiffel Tower, just in the nick of time. Plagg floated around inside Kwamibuster's weapon.

I could hear Chat Noir's panting from a mile away. The floating camera turned its attention on the leg. Time seemed to slow down.

For crying out loud…

"Heyyyy," I went in front of the camera; my cheeks must've been redder than a tomato. "Um. Wait, what the Hell is that?"

"Huh?" Kwamibuster turned around.

And I tell you what folks, it was some of the weirdest shit I'd ever seen, and I'm being 100 percent serious here.

A bunch of kwamis came flying in: a bee, a fox, a mouse, and many more flew towards Kwamibuster, all holding something in their mouths. I then realised with… I don't even know how to describe the feeling… that there were tiny clones of Ladybug inside their mouths. Yeah. I'm not making this shit up. Honest to God.

For once, I was truly and utterly speechless. I just stood there, unable to move.

The kwamis began flying around Kwamibuster, confusing the undying hell out of me. And her, for that matter.

"Catch us if you can!" one of them shouted.

"I'm over here!" another one taunted.

"You can't get away from me," Kwamibuster growled, holding out her weapon. "You're no match for Kwamibuster!"

"Psst! Hey, John!"

I looked up; the mouse kwami was flying beside me. It opened its mouth, revealing a tiny Ladybug clone. But she was dressed in a different outfit, it seemed.

"Uh…" I stared up at her.

"I'm Multimouse," she told me. "Ladybug has sent me to save you and defeat Kwamibuster."

I narrowed my eyes at her tiny form. She wore a grey, pink and black suit. She wore her hair in Odango-style twin buns which kinda looked like mouse ears. Her mask was gray at the top and pink with a black border. She wore elbow-length black gloves and black boots that were knee level with a thick pink horizontal stripe.

Wow… I thought. She actually managed to get a different hairstyle. And yet her voice is still the same...

"Okay, then…" I made a face. "But why are you inside that… thing's… mouth?"

"Oh!" she chuckled. "It was just the easiest way to get here."

I just stared at her.

I'm actually having a crisis right now...

"Moving on…" I grumbled. "Can you help me get out of here?"

She nodded. "Of course I can." She pointed off into the distance. "Get out of here, run that way. Me and the others have got this covered."

Wow, thanks, I thought. Couldn't have thought of that myself.

"Simple and pragmatic…" I muttered. "Do you really think Kwamibuster will just let me just go?"

"Of course she will," Multimouse nodded. "She's distracted."

For some reason I couldn't help but doubt that… then again, I was talking to a miniature Ladybug clone who was hanging out inside the mouth of some kind of interdimensional being.

I thought her kwami was gone… oh whatever...

"Alright, see ya," I turned away, legs pounding against the ground. My hands flinched a little when I thought about Adrien. As much as he pissed me off, I didn't want him dead.

Hope he's doing okay… the dumbass…

"UGH!" Kwamibuster's screams went right through my hearing aid, almost destroying it. "DO YOU REALLY WISH TO LET HIM GET AWAY FROM YOU, FOOLS? HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!"

Holy shit… I clutched my hearing aid as the sound vanished from my ear. I'm gonna have to see Dr Mirza later because of you assholes…

"Just go!" Multimouse waved at me.

I shook myself out of it, continuing to run away.

"Chat Noir, don't worry," I heard Multimouse cry out. "We can't find out each other's identities, but… I won't let anyone hurt you!"

Hey, that's some good food for thought, I gazed ahead. Why are they so insistent about keeping their secret identities? They don't have to tell the entirety of Paris, but why not each other? It would save me about ten headaches...

Of course, there was the event of that whole Chat Blanc thing, but like I said, it wasn't like they had to tell the entirety of Paris.

Maybe I'm just an idiot… I thought. After all… I ain't the one swinging my ass around town with a yo-yo.

"ENOUGH!" Kwamibuster boomed, suddenly landing in front of me. She pointed her weapon at me.

"What now?!" I cried out.

"These clones can't fool me," she growled. "Tell me the true identities of Ladybug and Chat Noir!"

"What makes you think I know?" I stumbled back.

"True or false, Johnathan Couture," she loomed above me. "You believe that Marinette Dupain-Chen and Ladybug are one in the same!"

Wow… I almost started laughing. So you really did figure it out.

"False."

And then it took a whole new level of insanity, since Ladybug herself was suddenly standing behind me, hands on hips.

Oh my god, I wanted to explode. What the Hell?! But her kwami… am I on an acid trip right now?!

"What…?" Even Kwamibuster was shocked, taking a good few steps back.

Ladybug grinned and nodded. "That's right. Your claims are false!"

Wha… wha… my whole body shivered. Is reality even real anymore?!

"Ladybug…" I stared at her.

"Don't worry, Multimouse and I have got this covered," she told me, grinning.

"But you… Marinette…" I breathed.

Is everything just a lie?! Have I been played for a fool?

"Oh, you mean Marinette Dupain-Cheng?" Ladybug replied, waving it off. "Don't worry, she's safe."

What is happening…

"M'lady!" I'd recognise that voice from anywhere.

Chat Noir came racing over, wearing a ridiculous costume. Seriously, he was dressed as a banana. Where the Hell did he even get that from?! Well, at least he was more anonymous than he was as his superhero self…

"I knew you'd come for me!" he cried out.

Man, I made a face. It seems Ladybug is saving his ass all the time these days… come on, Adrien, you're better than this…

"WHAT IS THIS INSANITY?!" Kwamibuster roared, looking left and right. I had never related more to a villain.

"Over here!" the kwamis chanted, flying all around her. "Come and get us!"

Wait a second… I narrowed my eyes. The kwamis all have clones of Ladybug in their mouths… does that mean the Ladybug here is also a clone? Which one is the real Ladybug?

I fell to the ground. My head hurts…

"Alright," Multimouse jumped into the air. "Let's end this!"

All of the kwamis gathered together, surrounding Multimouse inside the bee thing's mouth. They got out of the creatures' mouths, coming together to form Voltron - I mean another version of Multimouse.

"Plagg, Mullo, Unify!" she called out, her appearance changing again. "Tikki, Mullo, Unify!"

And then she looked different again. She essentially looked the same as Multimouse, but her suit gained black spots on the grey part and all the pink accents on Multimouse became red as a result of the Ladybug influence I guess. Her mask also got five black spots that were in a symmetrical design and the pink section became red.

Oh come on, gimme a break, I groaned, almost falling on my ass.

"Who the Hell are you?" I asked her.

"I'm Multibug!" I replied.

"Multibug, Multimouse, all those clones…" I pulled my hands through my hair. "How do you stay sane?!"

"It's part of being a hero," Multibug told me.

I'm gonna end myself...

"CATACLYSM!" Multibug charged towards Kwamibuster.

She grabbed her machine, destroying it. The kwamis flew out, alongside the akuma. Ladybug grabbed the akuma with her yo-yo, turning it into a white butterfly.

Kwamibuster turned into the science teacher from Marinette's school, I forgot her name. And honestly, I didn't care.

"Lucky Charm!" Multibug cried out, summoning a bowl. "Mullo, Plagg, Divide!" She transformed back into Multimouse, her clones running off in different directions. My brain began stinging again.

I can't watch this crap anymore… I groaned, turning away. My brain is actually going to explode.

I got up and ran away, heart thumping in my chest. I raced through Paris, phone in hand.

"MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!"

These guys are getting way too freaky for me…