Chapter Eleven

They prepared the rest of the meal, small talk filled the silence, and when everything was in the pot and cooking, they settled back into the living room. Vala took a seat on the couch, while Daniel took a chair across from her. They stared at each other and various aspects of the room for several minutes with neither of them speaking.

"So," Daniel broke the silence.

"So," Vala repeated and grabbed a pillow, hugging it to her chest.

"Where do we start?"

"The beginning, I guess," Vala shrugged, "the night on Elgara."

"Sam told me her theory," he said somewhat randomly, "do you think it has any stock?"

Vala tilted her head in thought. "I suppose it does," she admitted, "I just don't know what they hoped to gain and I fail to see what it has to do with the current situation."

"Seriously? Vala, had it not been for them – "

"Allegedly," she interrupted.

" – we would've never slept together and wouldn't be in this situation," he continued as if he hasn't heard her. Funny, he hadn't been too interested in this topic while talking with Sam. Hell, he told Sam it didn't matter right now. Gods, he had to stop finding excuses to avoid this talk.

"But we are, we're having a baby and nothing will change what happened, and right now it doesn't matter if this was intentional or not," she reasoned, "So, instead of focusing on that, let's focus on the main issues here."

"You're right," he admitted quietly, "It's just…it's hard for me to talk about."

"Why?"

"Vala…you…" he trailed off with a sigh, taking off his glasses, he rubbed his face before he replaced his glasses. "You scare the hell out of me; thinking about that night scares me."

"Why?" she gently prodded.

"Did you mean it?" he abruptly switched directions.

Vala gave him a puzzled look. "Did I mean what when?"

"During the fight," he specified, "after I said all that stuff, you took a turn yelling and I was wondering if you meant any of it?"

Vala tried to think about the specifics on what she said and could recall some of it, but she had been so angry and said a lot of things in anger, but she believed most of it was true. "For the most part, yes it was true, but you need to be more specific."

"You insinuated that you cared for me, had feelings for me," he blurted out, "Is that true?"

Vala shifted on the couch, crossing her legs underneath her. She stared at the pillow she laid on her lap, picking at invisible lint. Daniel gently said her name again, prompting her to answer. "Yes," she whispered but didn't look up from the pillow.

"You also said at the end that anything you felt for me was over...was that true?" he asked hesitantly.

She gave a humorless chuckle and looked at him. "If it was that easy, I would've done it a long time ago," she confessed, hating how vulnerable she sounded, "and since I told myself I'd be completely honest with this conversation, here goes nothing; I don't think I'll ever get over you, Daniel Jackson, and that frightens me more than anything else ever has." She couldn't bear to see his reaction so she quickly averted her eyes back to the pillow, picking at it even harder.

"Some of what I said was true too," Daniel broke the silence and winced as he saw Vala cringed at his words, "I meant when I said that I would never in a million years consider a relationship with you." Maybe a million years was a bit of an exaggeration.

Was he serious? Vala jumped up from the couch and made a move to flee the room but Daniel was just as fast and grabbed a hold of her. "I just essentially told you that I love you and this how you respond?" she hated herself for letting the anguish she was feeling seep into her tone, she hated that she couldn't hide how hurt she was at his words. She tugged at the arms he held, wanting to escape to her room for a few moments to compose herself before they continued "Daniel, let me go," she ordered firmly as she could.

"I've never considered the possibility of a relationship with you because you scare the shit out of me and you have the power to destroy me, even more so than Sha're did," he rushed out and her struggles ceased and he loosened his grip on her, bringing his hands to cup her face. "I couldn't risk giving you that power, especially when I didn't know how you felt about me. Even now, knowing, I'm still terrified 'cause you could so easily break me to the point where I would never recover. I know you would never do it deliberately, but you could easily die in some disaster off world or just by riding in the car with me or walking across the street."

"You don't think that I'm not frightened shitless either?" she asked rhetorically and didn't try to hide the tears gathering, "Daniel, you've died so many times at this point, the base actually has a pool on the next time you die and when and how you'll come back."

Daniel raised his brows. "Really?"

Vala ignored him. "What gives you the right to deny the both of us the chance at being together? What gives you the right to choose for me? While I can understand the fear and how it held us back but after that night…how could do that to me, decide it was a mistake? How could you think it meant nothing to me when it meant everything?" she back away from his, forcing his hands to drop from her face.

"When I woke up, all I knew was that I was naked in bed with a equally naked you and no real recollection of what happened the night before or how I got there, so I panicked and reacted how I normally do when you get to close; I pushed you away by whatever means necessary," he explained, "Vala, I'll never regret that night; it gave us a child, but I wish it hadn't happened like that, I wish I could recall every detail of that night. It was never supposed to turn out that way."

"So you've thought about us being together like that?" she asked, slightly baffled.

Daniel chuckled softly. "Of course I've considered what sex would be like with you. I'm an idiotic coward, not dead," he responded frankly. "How could I not with all your come-ons and flirting?"

She gave a small smile before hesitantly asking, "Why did you think it meant nothing to me?"

"I don't know if I truly believed that, it was just a way to keep myself safe," he answered honestly and sighed, "I handled it wrong and I regret everything I said that morning and the days to follows. I am sincerely sorry for that."

"Daniel, it wasn't just the words that hurt but your refusal to talk to me; I lost my best friend for seven weeks. Something wonderful, yet terrifying happened to me and the one person I wanted to talk to wouldn't let me near him. You shutting me out hurt worse than what you said that morning, more than your reaction."

"And I've regretted ever since and I am so sorry," he felt like that was all he was doing, apologizing, "especially when bit and pieces from that night started to come back and I realized I started it that night. I clearly remember kissing you first and leading you to the bed; I couldn't seem to help myself. I was so drawn to you that night."

Vala crossed her arms, as if they'd protect her from heartache. "Caused by the Mornal no doubt."

A small but hesitant smile came to his face. "No, it wasn't," he denied. At her confused look, he continued, "Vala…I've been attracted to you for some time now, but ever since the fifty years that didn't happen on the Odyssey, it's been more than that. That night I was so drawn to you, before I drank that damn herb, and I couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to."

"Drawn to me?" she asked somewhat skeptical.

Daniel nodded. "There was even a moment when we were dancing where I almost kissed you, do you remember that?" at her hesitant nod, he continued, "In that moment, that bond, feeling, whatever the word I'm struggling for, made me feel so close to you and I didn't want to lose that feeling. It only intensified after we drank the Mornal. It was as if some invisible cord had bound us together. If the Mornal did anything to us, it only amplified what we were already feeling."

Vala felt her heart speed us and told herself not to get too hopeful. "Which was?"

A blinding smile fell upon his face as he made himself acknowledge the cold, hard truth. Why the hell had he denied himself this feeling? Why had he buried it? It didn't matter now, he couldn't change it, but what he could do was ensure that he wouldn't do it again and seize the moment, the opportunity. He closed the gap between them but didn't make a move to touch her. "Love," he answered softly, still smiling, "I'm think I'm in love with you, Vala Mal Doran."

Vala bit her lip from smiling outright. "You think?" she teased.

Daniel put his hands on her waist and tugged her to him, her hands came to rest on his shoulders. "Give me a break, it's been a few years since I've felt this way and acknowledged it."

"You're not just saying it or even thinking you do because of the baby?"

The vulnerability in her voice just about killed him. "No," he firmly denied, "of course it's not. I've been falling for you since before we conceived him. I think it started the moment you shot me on Prometheus."

"Which time?" she quipped.

"Doesn't matter right now," he told her, "Back to the first point I was trying to make; that night happened because I couldn't help what I felt for you that night and when I was confronted by it the next morning, I couldn't handle what the possible outcome could be – losing you. That caused all the other problems we've had, but no more. While I can't guarantee anything, I can promise to do my best to let that fear go and make sure I never hurt you like that again. I wanna give us a shot, that is if you can forgive me and trust that I'll do my damn best to never let you or our child down."

"I know you will," she assured him, her hands going behind his neck, "I love you, Daniel Jackson, and I have for some time. You have the power to destroy me too, like no one else, even Qetesh. I can survive being a host, being hated by my own people, knowing what my daughter was and accept that she's dead, but I know I can't survive losing you in any capacity. I need you in my life, even if it's just as a friend, and I sometimes hate how dependent on you I've become. So, I'll make you a deal; you never leave me and I'll never leave you."

Daniel's heart was going to burst in happiness at this rate. The love he felt for this woman rivaled anything he'd ever felt and it was a little overwhelming at moments. While he had loved Sha're with everything he had, it was different with Vala, he was different from that young man from over a decade ago. He'd always love Sha're, no doubt about it, but it was time to move on and he would regret it for the rest of his life he didn't take this chance with Vala.

He rested his forehead against her, breathing in her scent, and let content reigned within him. "Deal," he whispered and pressed a small kiss to her lips.

As he pulled back, Vala used the hands she had on his neck to bring him back and kissed him back, pouring years' worth of repressed emotions she had felt into it.


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Author's Note: So, did I hit on everything I needed to? I keep thinking I missed something, even after rereading the entire thing :P

Thoughts overall?