A/N: This was written for the Snape Bang 2020! Big thanks to the modmins at Snape Bang for hosting this fest! This would not be a fic if I hadn't had lots of help. First of all Vino Amore gave me the plot bunny for this one, thank you, my dear! Ravenpufflove, UrsulaHood, and Silver Lioness all spent some time beta'ing this story. Thank you lovelies!

This was originally posted to AO3 and I'm just now getting around to cross-posting it here. Also, I know there is a plot hole about Severus's parents... whoops. Sorry about that.

LunaP999 created a gorgeous piece of artwork to go along with this. Find it on her Tumblr lunap999!

If you liked this (or hated it) let me know about it in a review! You can find me on Tumblr at crochetawayhpff or Facebook at Shan Crochetaway. Enjoy!


Chapter 6: Severus Mopes


4 December 1998

Severus knew he was moping, he knew he was being bloody annoying about it too, but he also couldn't seem to stop himself. He hadn't ever really hated himself as much as he did right now. Not even after the incident in fifth year that made him fall out with Lily did he loathe his own being as much as he did knowing he had a soulmate—a fucking soulmate—and yet it was clear that she didn't want him.

He laughed to himself, not feeling even the least bit amused. Why in the hell would she want him when she could have a Malfoy?

He understood perfectly why Granger wanted nothing to do with him and found herself kissing a Malfoy. Hell, if he swung that way and Malfoy was interested in him, he'd give it a try, just to not have to struggle so hard to live. To not have to live in the filth and squalor he had as a child would have been worth it all on its own, but Malfoy was also pretty. It all made sense to Severus logically... but in his heart? In his heart, he felt like he was dying.

"Is this what having a soulmate is always like?" he'd asked Regulus the morning after they'd discovered exactly what kind of ritual Severus had performed.

Regulus shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea. I've never met anyone with a confirmed soulmate."

"Probably because they're all smarter than I am," he grumbled to himself. He was staying on Regulus's couch for the time being. Skipping classes wasn't like him, but Granger and Malfoy were in every single one of them.

He couldn't face them. Not yet. Not when it felt like his heart wasn't thudding properly in his chest. Not when it felt like his soul was in tatters and his nerves shot. His hands shook all the time and he just knew that trying to attempt potions class with hands that shook that badly would end terribly.

He was more thankful to Regulus than ever when he allowed Severus to stay. "A week, maybe a few more days, but much more than that and McGonagall might get irritated with the situation. It's been bad enough holding her off while you're not attending classes." Regulus eyed him closely. "I wish there was something I could do to ease the soul ache."

Severus shrugged. He was used to pain, even though he'd never felt pain like this before. What could Regulus do about it? It was Severus's burden to bear and bear it he would. For as long as he had to. The school year wasn't quite half-way over with, but if he could just get through it, then he wouldn't have to see Granger and Malfoy every day all day. That should help with some of the pain in his chest, shouldn't it?

Right now, it felt as if a four stone weight sat on his chest at all times. It was uncomfortable and he wanted to say it was unbearable, but he was going to have to bear it. He was going to have to learn to live with it, even if nothing seemed all that worth living for right now. Maybe if he could get back to the past, that would change things? Granger wouldn't be around to be his soulmate anymore. The idea had merit until he brought it up with Regulus.

"Even if you managed it, you'd still be soul sick," Regulus said. "It's not as if you'd forget that you had a soulmate. It would just be worse because she'd be a child and you'd be unable to even hope to reconcile with her."

"Maybe you ought to Obliviate me then," Severus muttered. Forgetting about the soulmate, forgetting about Granger, forgetting seeing her kiss Malfoy over and over and over again in his mind would be a blessing indeed.

"Some things are impossible to forget," Regulus replied sadly. "Even if we did try to Obliviate you, it's likely that something as serious as a soulmate wouldn't get erased. And even if it did, that spell triggered something for Miss Granger, too. She's been asking about you."

"Please don't tell her anything," Severus replied. "I'm not ready to have that conversation with her."

Regulus's lips tightened, but he nodded. "I won't, but it's not something you can put off forever, you know."

"I know," Severus whispered and turned away to look at the massive bookshelves, ending the conversation.

When they weren't discussing the soulmate situation, they talked about what Severus had missed in the last twenty years. He was horrified to hear how much Regulus had suffered at the Dark Lord's hands. It was still hard for Severus to say Voldemort, even in his own mind. He would forever be the Dark Lord to him. The all-powerful Dark Lord that Severus once had hopes of joining, if only because it would give him what he seemed to lack most in the world: Power.

But the Dark Lord had been defeated. By a boy Severus's age, no less. It was taking Severus a while to come to terms with it all. The Dark Lord had been insane. Insane and unstable, near the end, according to Regulus. Focusing only on a boy, and almost nothing else. It seemed inconceivable to Severus that the Dark Lord could be defeated so handily.

When he said as much to Regulus, he had laughed bitterly. "It wasn't easy by any means. There were a lot of deaths, a lot of sacrifices made by a lot of people to make it happen. I'm glad it's over and done with, but there are a lot of things I wished had happened differently."

Severus nodded, still unsure how he felt about it all. If the Dark Lord was truly a maniac, then, of course, Severus was happy that he was no longer around to torment anyone. He was even maybe a little happy that he hadn't had a chance to join the Death Eaters, after some of the things Regulus had told him. The going after Muggles and Muggle-borns bit of the Dark Lord's philosophy had always bothered Severus, but the need for some kind of power in his life had always seemed more important to him.

Granger was a Muggle-born though, like Lily. Lily had died, not just because of some stupid prophecy, but in part, because she was a Muggle-born. How could he square his need for power through the Dark Lord, with the fact that his first friend and his soulmate both had been targeted by him?

Even if Granger wasn't interested in him, she was still his soulmate. Still his perfect match, somehow, and the idea that his perfect match was someone who the Dark Lord would have taken major issue with unsettled him to a disturbing degree. Perhaps, Regulus had the right of it. That the Dark Lord, as powerful as he was, was bad for the wizarding world. That he had to have been defeated. It's not like there was anything Severus could do about the Dark Lord now that he was dead and gone. It was time to move on with his life, but he still wasn't sure how to do that.

He looked to Regulus to see how he had moved on after the Death Eaters, but he seemed to live a singularly boring life. He was single, teaching potions, which he confessed to only sort of liking. He had no heir. In fact, he allowed his older brother to name the famous Harry Potter as his heir over Regulus. His former friend seemingly had nothing and wasn't that a terribly boring and tragic way to live.

Severus was nervous asking about it, but he had to know. "Why is it you're doing what you're doing? Why didn't you quit if you don't like teaching?"

Regulus laughed quietly. "After you disappeared, I felt a little stuck. I wasn't sure what to do, and when both Dumbledore and Voldemort wanted me to take up the Potions position, I decided to do it. Turning on Voldemort gave me some purpose, though not much. Then after the first war, it was easier to just continue carrying on. I considered quitting half a dozen times, but Dumbledore always managed to talk me out of it. Then Voldemort was back, and it was more important than ever that I stay in my role. Stay to play the spy for Voldemort. Help shape Potter as much as he would allow," Regulus sighed bitterly, looking even older than his thirty-seven years.

"I'd probably quit this year if it weren't for Draco. He's on probation, through the end of the school year. As long as he causes no trouble, and his guardian,"— He pointed at himself—"signs off on it, he'll be free next year with no restrictions."

Severus nodded, understanding. "What will you do next year then?"

"Retire if McGonagall lets me," Regulus said, barking out another laugh.


7 December 1998

Severus knew it was time to stop hiding out from classes, but the longer he stayed away, the easier it became to justify to himself that he wasn't ready to go back yet. Besides, it wasn't like he wasn't learning, Regulus had a library fit for a king and Severus was determined to read as much of it as he could. He had just selected a book when there was a knock on the door that led to the hallway outside of Regulus's quarters. Severus knew that Regulus wouldn't knock and that he was teaching third years at the moment. He debated not answering it, but then the thought of it being a firstie who needed Regulus nagged at him, so he went to the door to see who it was.

They knocked again, louder, longer, just before he opened it. He stepped back when he saw Granger standing there with her hands on her hips, looking bloody furious.

"Soulmates!" she spat, poking him in the chest with her finger. It hurt, but on top of the hurt, it felt good that she was touching him. He shook his head at that bizarre thought. "We're bloody soulmates and you didn't think to tell me? Were you ever going to tell me?"

Severus narrowed his eyes at her and sneered. "How the hell do you know? Why do you even care? You have Malfoy. He's better looking, richer, a better prospect all around."

Her eyes widened and then flashed with anger. "Soulmates, Severus Snape. We're soulmates. It doesn't matter if I had a hundred Draco's. It's only you I'd want. It's you I'd bloody pine for." Her chest was heaving with the conviction of her words and Severus felt… he wasn't sure what he felt. He was so overwhelmed with emotions. Hope fluttered through his chest at her words, but so did confusion, dismay, the idea that he might disappoint her in some fashion, soulmates or not. He felt dumbfounded. Not something he was used to feeling.

"What?" he asked, stupidly.

Before Granger could say anything else, Regulus came into view, seemingly slightly out of breath. Severus registered his presence, but couldn't take his eyes away from Granger. Despite everything, he still found her bloody gorgeous. Her hair seemed to swell with her emotions and was almost twice the size it normally was, dwarfing her. Her nose was small and upturned, and he could still see the faint freckles that stood out as she paled from anger. The idea of wrapping his arms around her waist occurred to him, but he closed his eyes, knowing she wouldn't want that. Wouldn't want any sort of affection from him, regardless of the fact that they were soulmates.

"You told her," he asked Regulus, finally tearing his eyes from Granger to his old friend. Unlike all the other emotions swirling through him the feeling he felt at the idea of Regulus having told Granger was easy to categorize. Betrayal ran hot and heavy through his limbs.

Regulus sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I told Draco. He's my cousin, my ward, my responsibility. I thought that he ought to know the lay of the land so as not to get hurt."

"Get your head out of your arse," Granger hissed to him and then whirled around and stomped away. Severus just watched her go. He still wasn't sure what the hell to do with any of it. All he knew was that he desperately wanted to continue hiding from her and the rest of the world.


Hermione could feel her magic sparking in her hair as she stomped away from Professor Black's quarters. If Draco hadn't told her about her being soulmates with Severus, she still wouldn't know why the hell she was feeling so bloody awful all of the time. Her temper, never great to begin with, was even shorter than usual. She found herself snapping at firstie's for crying out loud.

It wasn't until she badgered the location of Professor Black's quarters out of Draco that she had even gone to track down Severus. First, she and Draco had done as much research on soulmates and soul magic as they could in the library, though they hadn't come across whatever ritual it was that Severus had used to come forward in time. They hadn't found anything like that in the meager selection that the library offered.

Her heart had ached after Draco had told her. "Was his life so awful?" she'd asked him. Why else would he have done a spell to seek out his soulmate unless he was desperately unhappy? That was the only reason Hermione could think of that would make her perform such a spell. Soul magic was dangerous and only mentioned in sixth year as a type of magic to stay far away from. Not only dangerous but unpredictable. One's perfect soulmate could be an acquaintance, or someone twenty years in the future, or someone a thousand years in the past.

Draco shrugged. "I've never heard Regulus talk about him before. I have no idea, though if he was set on becoming a Death Eater like Regulus, probably?"

It was a small consolation that he wouldn't have performed the spell without things having been dire, but it was clear that whatever he had been expecting from the spell, being dragged twenty years into the future, wasn't it. And being tied to her was upsetting enough for him that he'd hid in Professor Black's rooms for a week. She tried not to take it personally, but the longer he hid away the harder it was getting.

"Would you ever perform a spell like that?" she asked Draco a few days after she had found out. She'd been trying to think just what in her life would have to go wrong for her to want to leave everyone behind and travel to wherever her soulmate was.

Draco shook his head, quite vehemently. "I wouldn't. Couldn't risk it. Mother…" he trailed off, not continuing, but Hermione knew, she patted his arm. Offering him what comfort she could. Narcissa had been tortured by several rogue Death Eaters after the final battle was over for lying to the Dark Lord. Despite the fact that the Dark Lord was dead already, his followers were a fanatic bunch. She still hadn't quite recovered and with Lucius in Azkaban, she wasn't doing well. Draco made as many trips home to see her as Professor Black could be spared from his duties.

She made it to her usual table in the library, surprised to find Draco still there. "I take it didn't go well?" Draco asked quietly as he made space for her.

Hermione huffed into a chair. "He's upset about you… he thinks…" she trailed off not sure how to phrase it. That could be the only reason for his refusal of her, couldn't it?

Draco stilled and swallowed hard. "We don't have to be friends," he offered quietly.

Hermione let out an offended gasp. "I'm not letting that bull-headed prig decide who I'm allowed to be friends with. He can just accept it and move on," she told Draco fiercely.

Draco offered her a small smirk. "I've come to value your friendship too, Granger."

Hermione nodded, glad they agreed there, then groaned. "He's just so bloody hard to have a conversation with. If I could just sit him down and explain everything without him snarling and snapping at me."

"Maybe I can help with that," Draco said, with a mischievous gleam in his eye. Hermione narrowed her gaze at him.

"And how do you plan to do that?"

"Oh, leave the planning up to me," he replied. "Come on, let's get our Transfiguration essay done."

She kept her eye on him for a long moment then sighed and dug through her bag for the half-written scroll she had been working on before needling Professor Black's quarters out of him. At least Draco was as dedicated to his schoolwork as she was and helped keep her on track, despite her inability to focus these days.


10 December 1998

It had been three days since Hermione had confronted Severus in front of Professor Black's quarters, and still, Severus was nowhere to be seen around the castle. It was starting to get rather annoying and she was trying to decide if she should bombard him again in Professor Black's quarters when Draco came to find her in the library.

"I have something for you," he said with a small smile, beckoning her to stand up.

"Can't you give it to me here?" Hermione asked with a frown. She didn't know what Draco was up to, and she wasn't sure she was going to like any sort of surprise he had for her.

"I can't. Come on, Granger. I promise, it'll be worth it," he said with a slight sparkle in his eye. He looked better than he had in the last few days, so Hermione sighed and packed up her belongings.

"Is it round?" Hermione asked as he led her through the corridors. Draco shook his head, a clear smile on his face. "Blue?" Another shake of his head. "Long?" Again a shake of his head, this one accompanied by a snort.

"I'm not telling you. You have to see it," Draco said.

"I don't really like surprises," Hermione replied, feeling some trepidation about where exactly Draco was leading her too. Especially as they stepped over a pile of rubble that had yet to be cleared. The corridor they were in wasn't in active use, in fact, Hermione was sure that there had been a ward up at the end of it earlier this year warning people to stay out of the corridor. "What is back here?" she asked with a wrinkled nose.

"Granger, we're friends, right?" Draco asked, finally turning to face her just as he stood outside of a closed door to what Hermione assumed was an abandoned classroom.

"Of course, we are," Hermione replied fiercely.

"And you trust me, right? Since we're friends and all?"

Hermione pursed her lips and shrugged, looking away from Draco. "Seven years of bad blood is hard to get over in a few days," she reminded him.

Draco nodded, ducking his head. "You're right, of course. But I promise I brought you here for good intentions. Come on." He opened the door and stepped inside. Hermione hesitated for a moment, hearing a strange, strangled sound, and followed him in.

Severus Snape was in the room, tied to a chair and snarling at Draco through a gag.

"Draco!" Hermione shouted, running to Severus's side and releasing the gag.

"I figured this way, he'd have to listen to you," Draco told her with a shrug.

Hermione hated to admit that perhaps Draco was right. And she certainly wasn't going to admit it to him. "Fine, you can go now."

Draco gave her a devastating smirk. And if Hermione hadn't been soulmates with Severus, she was sure it would have done funny things to her insides, but instead, it just made her smile back at him.

"You're welcome, Granger," he said as he sauntered out of the abandoned, debris-strewn classroom, slamming the door on his way out.

She turned back to face Severus, who was glaring at where Draco had left, ignoring Hermione completely. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I should untie you, but Draco is right. If this is the only way you'll bloody talk to me, so be it."

Severus turned his glare to her, and it was icy enough to make Hermione shiver. "Untie me." She almost started forward at his command, it was so forceful, but she held back, rocking on her heels and clasping her arms behind her back.

"Not until you listen to me," she said, returning his glare. She fully expected him to look away, to ignore her, as he had been for the last week, but he didn't. He just looked at her as if he couldn't get enough of what he was seeing. She was sure she was imagining it, but maybe not because she was looking at him the same way. Just being in the same room as her soulmate was devastating in the best possible way. She was aware of the way her heart thudded loudly in her chest. And the way her skin tingled with anticipation.

"Draco and I are not together," Hermione said, swallowing thickly. "We've never been together, nor will we ever be together. We're friends, nothing more." Severus snorted at the word friends, his gaze hardening into a glare again.

"You didn't look like friends last week," he snarled.

"Last week? When he kissed me and I immediately pushed him away because it felt as if I was going to upchuck on his shoes, you mean?" Hermione asked in a deadly, sweet tone. "If you'd bothered to stick around and fight for your soulmate, instead of just giving up, you'd have seen all that."

He huffed out a breath and didn't say anything, though his gaze never left her. She could feel the weight of it, even as she sighed and smoothed her hair back from her face, tilting her head to look at the ceiling and trying to regain her composure.

"And I still can't believe you kept the soulmate thing from me," she said after a few minutes, turning her eyes back to him. "How could you?"

Severus finally broke his gaze from her and hung his head. "I didn't actually find out until a few days before Regulus told Draco," he admitted quietly. "It's not been easy, traveling twenty years into the future. Everything I've known is gone and…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

"But why wouldn't you tell me yourself? Why would you hide from me? I know we don't know each other all that well, but if we're soulmates, I'd like to know you," Hermione replied softly. She walked a few steps closer to him. "I'm sure it must be impossibly difficult to be thrown out of your time, but I'd like to help. If you'll let me."

A muscle ticked in his jaw and he looked up, not quite meeting her gaze though. "You seemed happy with Malfoy. Flirty. Giggly. He's everything I'm not," he said through gritted teeth.

Hermione knelt down on the dirty floor, reaching up to cup Severus's face to get him to look at her. "When I go to sleep, I see eyes as dark as night. I dream of a dark-haired boy desperate to do anything to bring him happiness. I see you, Severus Snape, performing that ritual over and over again."

"Untie me," he said, his voice pained.

Hermione searched his face for a long moment, trying to figure out if he was going to run from her again, but it wasn't clear. The intensity of his gaze felt like a live wire along her skin, though. That seemed like a good sign. She stood and moved around him, pulling out her wand. With a tap on the ropes that bound his hands and arms, they slithered away.

A moment later, Severus was up out of the chair and stalking toward her. She backed up a step, then two as he came closer and closer. She didn't think he was going to hurt her, but she didn't actually know. As her back hit the dusty wall behind her, she tilted her chin up in defiance.

"I dream of you too," he whispered, pressing his body as close to hers as he could get, his hand tracing the curve of her cheekbone. "Every night. I dream of bushy, brown hair, dark skin, a face with a smattering of freckles, and the warmest, kindest golden-brown eyes I've ever seen in my life."

He pressed a kiss to her lips.

Hermione gasped at the sensation of his lips on hers. Her hair stood on end, goose flesh breaking out all along her body. She half expected him to pull away, but he didn't. He deepened the kiss instead. So she wound her hands around his shoulders, plunging one into the inky blackness of his hair, pulling him down to her even as she arched her body into his. She hadn't had many kisses in her life, but the one Severus gave her then blew the rest completely out of the water. She never wanted it to end; She never wanted the feelings that were coursing through her veins to end. If this was what having a soulmate was all about, Hermione wanted to live no other way.