Chapter 24 – Confuse and Amuse

Aro.

The Volturi.

Italy.

"I can't go to Italy," I said to Carlisle.

"Why not?"

"Bella told me I had to stay here."

Alice was concerned about what you would do if you went to Forks. That's why Bella wanted you to remain here. She didn't mean for you to stay right here in this cabin forever.

"Bella told me to stay here," I repeated. "I have to stay. I don't want her to be angry."

Wouldn't she want you to get better? Wouldn't she want you to find help?

"I…yes…" I stumbled over my words. "I think so. I don't know. She's never been to Italy."

We couldn't take her with us Edward, be reasonable.

I laughed into the pillow.

"You can't reason with me…" I blurted. I laughed again, and shook my head. My forehead rubbed against the pillowcase, and I could feel the ridges of the clothing inside, which was very distracting. I remembered what Bella looked like when she came out of the bathroom all dressed in blue on my birthday. Then I thought about how she looked on top of me in the sheer pink nightgown, slowing moving up and down. I shuddered at the memory and inhaled her scent from her clothes and pillow.

"Edward!" Carlisle's shout startled me, and I looked up to him.

"Sorry," I mumbled. I tried to remember what I was supposed to be thinking about. "If Bella says I can go, I'll go."

You will talk to her? Let her know why you have to go?

"No," I said. "I don't want to tell her why, but I'll ask her if I can go."

Carlisle narrowed his eyes at me, his thoughts nearly as confused as mine. I shrugged.

"She is my life," I said. I considered all the things I had done that had upset her, even when I didn't mean to do so. "I don't always know what will anger her. Sometimes I think what I'm doing makes sense, and she's upset with me and…"

I stopped.

She might punish you?

"And she doesn't like it," I amended, but still nodded to him. "I can't go on what makes sense to me. I have to have her tell me what she wants me to do."

We need to go soon.

"I have to stay," I said. "Bella will be back tomorrow. Charlie is working a double shift."

I could hear Carlisle's mind churning away. He didn't trust me to remember what I had agreed to do, or to actually ask her if I did remember.

I could go and speak with her first.

"You showed her how to use a condom," I remembered. "I don't think I liked that."

"Edward…" Carlisle continued to speak a little louder than normal. "I need you to try to focus. I want to go discuss Italy with Bella tonight."

"All right," I said, feeling a little defeated. He was going to do it whether I agreed or not, so it didn't matter what I said. I knew I couldn't go to her room again, since Bella said it was too risky and I had to stay here. But she would be back tomorrow. I only had to wait until then.

Thank you, Edward. If Bella agrees it is a good idea, you will go with me to Italy?

"Italy is a long way from here," I said. "A long way from Bella."

I think I actually heard an exasperated sign from inside Carlisle's head. He made up his mind to have Bella tell me I had to go.

It's going to be dangerous.

"He will find out about Alice," I said softly.

I don't like it, but yes, he will probably want to make contact with us, and in doing so, he will know all that we know.

"If he touches me, he'll know about Bella," I said. "I broke the law. They'll destroy me."

No, I don't think they will. It is your gift that will save you. Aro will not want to waste such talent. He will want you to stay with him and the Volturi.

"I don't want to stay with them," I said. "It's too far from Bella."

I don't want you to stay, either. Aro does not force people to remain with the guard. It is an honor – a choice. He will not make you stay.

"But I broke the law," I said again. "Bella knows about us."

For a moment, a flash in Carlisle's head showed me Bella held in the Cullen home in Forks. Comfortable, but captive. He immediately changed his thoughts, and began considering what days we could leave for Italy and if any of the others should accompany us.

I knew he was blocking me, and blocking something important, but at the same time a flash of lightening bathed the room in light, followed directly after by a crack of thunder. The sound of heavy rain on the roof pounded into my head, and it seemed I could actually feel each and every raindrop hitting inside my head.

It was too loud. Much too loud. I tried to cover my ears, but it didn't help. My body was shaking, and I could feel strong arms and hands on me, trying to crush me. I fought against them, kicking out at the force trying to latch on to me, but I couldn't see anything. I wasn't even sure if my eyes were open or not. I didn't want to let go of Bella. I knew I had to keep her safe from whatever was attacking us. I held her tightly against me with one hand and shoved out with the other.

The pressure released from my shoulders, and the only thing left was Bella's scent and the pounding of rain on the roof. I gripped her tighter, held my face against her body, and let her scent wash over me.

Eventually – I wasn't sure just how long – my breathing slowed, and I realized the object I held didn't feel quite like Bella's skin and the scent wasn't nearly strong enough to actually be her. I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle sitting on the floor, just watching me.

My son…my son…I can't let him stay like this. I have to be able to help him. Aro has to be able to help him. I can't bear to watch this…

"I'm all right," I said, wondering what had him so agitated. "If Bella says I should so, I'll go. But I don't think Bella should come with us, even if she wants to go. The Volturi are too dangerous."

Carlisle just stared at me for a moment, wondering if I had any memory of the last hour.

"What do you mean?"

Do you remember what just happened?

"I don't know what you are talking about," I admitted.

Edward, you curled up in a ball and wouldn't speak to me. You pushed me away when I tried to touch you.

"I did?"

Do you remember anything?

I tried to think of what had happened, but the only thing that seemed incongruous was Carlisle moving from the chair to the floor without my noticing it. I shook my head.

You aren't getting any better.

I let out a short, humorless laugh.

"No, I hadn't noticed any improvements." I sat up, letting Pillow Bella lay beside me, though I kept my hand against her. I felt…tired. "Sometimes when Bella is here, I feel better. I don't want her to go to Italy. It's dangerous even for us to go."

It is precarious, of that I have no doubt. I agree - Bella should not go, certainly – but I believe you and I must. If there was another way, I would not be suggesting this.

"I don't want to go," I repeated. My thoughts were becoming a little disjointed again as fatigue washed over me. I couldn't remember what Carlisle had just asked me, or what I did or didn't want to do.

I will talk to Bella.

"Don't talk about condoms," I told him. Then added, "Or bananas."

Carlisle smiled up at me and shook his head.

Sometimes parents have to have tough conversations.

I shrugged, and settled myself back on the couch lying on my side. I held my Bella scented pillow closer to my chest and closed my eyes. The next thing I remembered was Bella's hand in mine, leading me into the kitchen to watch her and touch her while she made breakfast. I could hear her speaking, talking about Italy and telling me I had to go with Carlisle and I had to do what he said. I nodded and told her I would, not really understanding what she meant.

I listened to the sizzling in the skillet as Bella shoved various food items around in oil. The sound seemed very loud to me, and it started to drown out all the other sounds I would have normally heard, even Bella's voice. I reached up and rubbed at my temple, as if I could massage the sound away.

The red and orange heat waves coming from the stove were very bright. It wasn't something Bella would have seen, only felt, but the intensity of the light began to hurt my eyes. I took a step back away from it and looked away, my hand falling away from where it was touching Bella's skin. She said…something, and I could hear her, but the words didn't make sense. They reverberated around in my head and mixed with the crackling sound of eggs and sausages frying. I took another step back, shaking my head and trying to clear it, but it didn't help.

Bella turned to me, and I could see her mouth moving and hear sounds, but there was no comprehension. She reached out and her fingers touched my arm. I jumped back and pulled away from her. Her touch was hot – too hot. I looked to my arm, expecting to see a burn mark there, but there was nothing but cold, pale, rock-hard flesh. My hands were shaking. Actually, I think maybe my whole body was.

I swallowed hard when I tasted venom in my mouth. All of my sense seemed to be in overdrive, and my brain just couldn't process everything coming in at once. Bella kept moving towards me, her voice becoming increasingly strained, and I kept moving back away from her. I tried to say something, but I don't think anything came out. If something did, I wasn't sure what the words might have been.

I felt my back hit something hard, and I turned, hissing at whatever it was.

It was the refrigerator.

What's happening to me?

"Bella…help me…" I could hear my voice this time. "Everything is…too much. I can't focus on anything."

"Edward, just listen to me, okay? Can you do that?"

"I don't know."

"Try, sweetheart," Bella said softly. "For me, please try to just focus on my voice."

"I'll try." I closed my eyes and stopped breathing.

"I'm here for you, sweetheart," she said. I still loved it when she called me that. If anything could hold my attention, it was that one word. "It's just you and me. You're going to be all right. You're just lost right now, but I'm here and I'm going to bring you back. Do you hear me?"

"Yes." And I did.

She kept talking. The words didn't matter, she just kept going on. I could hear her breakfast burning in the pan, but she just stood there and kept talking to me in her soft, reassuring tone. I don't know how long it went on, but eventually I stopped shaking.

"Can you open your eyes?" Bella asked.

"Yes," I said, and slowly raised my lids and looked at her. She reached out her arms, but didn't come any closer. She just waited for me.

I took a half step and brought my fingers up to touch her, waiting to see if it would hurt again. She was warm, but warm the way she was supposed to be, not burning hot. I took a deep, raspy breath and dropped to my knees before diving into her embrace and wrapping my arms around her midsection.

"Shh, Edward, sweetheart…it's okay. It's all going to be okay."

At some point she pulled back and turned off the stove while I whimpered from the loss of contact. She was back with me immediately, stroking my hair briefly before pulling on my arms so I would stand. She held both of my hands and walked backwards, leading me to the bedroom.

. . . . .

With her hands holding my shoulders and her legs wrapped around my waist, Bella brought me home again, and my mind came back into focus. Her flesh was so warm inside and wet from my fingers and her recent orgasm that I slid into her easily, our bodies becoming one with each other.

"I love this…" I panted against her throat, trying to make some kind of sense out of my thoughts and words. The only thing that made sense was my connection with Bella – physically, emotionally, spiritually – I was hers. Nothing else could touch that, not even my own mind rebelling against me.

Bella moaned and arched her back against the sheets, tilting her hips up and driving me deeper into her. My mouth covered her throat, down across her shoulder and back up to her ear. Her hands gripped my hair and brought my lips to hers, her tongue running along mine.

"I love you…you feel so good,' I moaned into her mouth.

My fingers traced down her sides to her hips, then back again, grazing over each breast before I placed them against the mattress on either side of her head, making sure I wasn't touching her with my hands as I came closer to release. I still didn't quite trust my reactions enough to have my hands on her when I had an orgasm.

"Edward…oh, God! Edward…that's so…ugh!"

I felt her internal muscles clamp around me and couldn't take any more. I cried out against the skin of her throat and held myself against her, filling her with my body and my love for her. As soon as I could, I wrapped my arms under her shoulders, held her to me, nestled against her chest and deeply breathed in her scent. I kept my weight on my arms underneath her so she wouldn't be crushed.

"Bella?" My breaths we still rapid and my words sounded breathy.

"Hmm?"

"Can I stay here?" I pushed my hips against her slightly, making sure there was no doubt what I meant. She laughed.

"I think if you stay there, you're going to be wearing me out again in a few minutes."

"No," I said, and then thought about it. "Well…yes. Probably."

I settled back against her warm skin and sighed. I listened to her racing heart come back to its normal pace while my breathing subsided as well. As my body relaxed against hers, my mind started racing.

At the very least, we would be traveling sixteen hours to get to Volterra. At least a day to meet with Aro, Marcus and Caius and another sixteen hours or more to return to Forks. In the very best of circumstances, I would probably be away from Bella for three days.

"I don't want to be away from you," I told her.

"I know, sweetheart."

"I don't want to go to Italy."

"I know, but you have to."

"I don't want to be away from you, but you can't come with me. It's too dangerous for a human. They would kill you. I have to keep you safe."

"It's all right, Edward; I will be fine. You have to go so you can get help."

"What if they can't fix me?" I whispered against her skin. I tilted my head to look up at her. "What if there's nothing anyone can do?"

"Shh, Edward," Bella whispered, stroking my hair. "You are going to be fine. I'll still be here when you get back. No matter what happens, I will be waiting for you."

I was both relieved and agitated at her promise to me. Horribly relieved, because she was telling me I could come back to her, even if they couldn't help me. At the same time, I knew she deserved better than a crazy vampire as a consort. If I couldn't be fixed, she shouldn't be stuck with me. Of course, and the moment, she was stuck with me in a rather literal sense. I thought about that for a moment and ground myself into her.

"I want to stay here," I said, looking up into her eyes and rolling my hips against her again. "You feel good."

Bella laughed and ran her fingers over my shoulders before lacing them through my hair and pulling me up to kiss her. I brought my lips to hers gently, barely touching her before I moved back down her neck and settled myself back against her shoulder.

On one level, I knew things in my head still weren't right. I would think of something I wanted to say to her, and then it would be gone before I could get it out of my mouth. I knew we should talk about Italy, but then I couldn't remember why we needed to talk about it. I also had the suspicion I had asked her the same question more than once, but couldn't remember her answer.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"I think I caused breakfast to burn again."

"That's all right," Bella said. "I'll just eat a big lunch to make up for it."

"I will learn to cook for you," I told her. "I mean for real – to really cook. Then I could do that for you."

Bella kissed the top of my head.

"You're sweet, my sweetheart," she said.

I liked hearing that. She could call me that over and over again, and I would never get tired of hearing it.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

I tilted my head so I could see her face better. She smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back, because she was so beautiful when she smiled like that. I also knew her smile was for me, and the knowledge made my stomach feel strange and bubbly, like I had been forced to drink a bunch of carbonated beverages.

"I like being here with you," I told her. She smiled again and moved one of her hands down to stroke against my cheek.

"I like being with you, too, Edward," she responded.

I tucked my head into her neck again and held her a little closer, careful not to hug her too tightly, even though I wanted to do so.

"Bella?" I said again after a few minutes of silence. "What if I can't be fixed?"

"We've been through this," Bella said definitively. "We're going to find out what's wrong with you."

"You don't know that," I countered.

"Yes, I do," Bella insisted.

"Carlisle couldn't find anything. Maybe this has never happened before."

"Carlisle said his friends in Italy were some of the oldest vampires around. And with Aro's gift, he'll be able to tell Carlisle if there was ever anyone he touched who has heard of something like this. They are going to figure it out and you are going to be fine."

I wondered if she realized what word she used. Fine. I decided not to bring it up. I took a deep breath and rested against her for a few minutes.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?" Bella sighed.

"If I can't be fixed, will you do something for me?"

"What is it?"

"I just want you to tell me you are coming back," I said. "Tell me it will be a little while or maybe longer than usual. I think that would be better."

"Edward, what are you talking about?"

"I want you to lie to me," I said clearly. "Just tell me you are going to come back when you leave me. When you go, I kind of forget what's going on around me, and I might just stay like that. I think that would be my preference rather than to know you aren't coming back."

Bella's fingers clamped around my chin, and she tugged at it until I faced her.

"You're not well, Edward," Bella said. "I'm not going to leave you because you are sick."

Was I sick? I closed my eyes and drifted into the softness of her body against mine. I did remember being sick. I remembered being hot, and then cold, and then hot again. There was pain, sharp and strong, and then nothing but heat. I wanted to die. Was I sick like that again? Was Bella going to catch what I have? Memories poured into me…a voice from so long ago I didn't recognize it and couldn't really place it.

"Don't bother your father now, Edward. He's not feeling well." The voice was soft, musical and light. I loved the voice; that much I did remember.

"He wanted to know how the math test went. I believe I did well."

"You'll have to tell him tomorrow, he's got a fever. To tell you the truth, I don't feel particularly well, myself. I think I'll go lay down…"

The memory faded, and the warmth that was Bella surrounded my consciousness once again. I inhaled deeply, and her scent overcame me, filling my brain and forcing out all the other thoughts to abandon me. I looked back up to her, then tightened my grip and rolled on to my back, taking her with me.

Lying with Bella was the only time anything felt right. Her warmth surrounded my body and made me feel like I was right where I belonged. Nothing else mattered. When I held her close to me, she sighed and snuggled against my chest.

"Bella?"

Her eyes opened and she smiled down at me. Her fingers twisted through a piece of my hair.

"What is it?"

"I love you," I said. She smiled a little wider. "I want to be what you want and what you need, but I don't know if I can."

"Edward," Bella's smile faltered. "Whatever is wrong, it's not your fault. If anything, it's probably mine."

"Don't say that," I growled. "It is not your fault."

"It might be," Bella insisted. "Regardless, it's not something you are doing on purpose. You can't help it. I'm not going to abandon you now any more than if you were human and developed Alzheimer's."

"But I'm broken," I said. "If I can't be fixed, Bella, what can I offer you? You'd have everything without me. You mean everything to me. How could I be with you if I can't be fixed?"

"Carlisle is going to figure it out," Bella insisted. She sighed again. "That's why you have to go to Italy."

"I can't go. They will find out about you."

"It's worth the risk, Edward."

"No!" I yelled, and I sat up and pushed her off of me. I rolled myself out of the bed and crossed the room before her heart could complete a single beat. "Nothing is worth risking you! Nothing!"

"You are worth it!" Bella knelt on the mattress and pointed a finger at me. "I haven't gone through all of this just to lose you to yourself! I told you I was going to help you find yourself when you got lost, and I will!"

I remembered her words. I remembered when she told me I got lost sometimes. I thought about going to Italy, without her. I thought about what it might mean if Aro and the other ancient vampires had no way of helping me.

"I don't want to be alone," I said softly, lowering my eyes. "I don't want to go back to the way I was. I want to be with you."

"Oh, Edward," Bella sat on her heels and reached out her hand. "Come here, sweetheart."

I looked up at her again, and my body was trying to pull me along and back into her touch, but my twisted mind rebelled. Even if she could get past the fact that I wasn't even human, I was wrong. I was broken, and she deserved someone better.

I shook my head and took a step back. I needed to do what was right for her. I needed to keep my promises. Oh wait…there was a promise I still needed to keep.

"I need to go to into Port Angeles."

"Edward," Bella said softly, dropping her hand at her sides. "Please come here."

"I have to go," I said. "I made a promise."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Bella said, shaking her head. She focused on my eyes for a moment. "Go, if that's what you need to do. I'll be back in the morning after Charlie goes to work."

"You're leaving now?"

"Only if you are."

"I'll go later." I said, finally letting my body have its way and moving to her. Bella took me back in her arms and held me against her shoulder again. I decided it was time to wear her out some more, and she seemed pretty willing. I think she was actually tired, because I truly wore her out during round two. She fell asleep with me curled up against her almost right afterwards. I snuggled against her and closed my eyes for a while. My sense of time was definitely flawed, so I don't know how long it was, but I eventually had to open my eyes and look at her again.

My head was lying on the top of her chest, so I had to touch her…just a little. I made sure each finger and thumb had a turn. Since my thumbs had, over all, been in contact with her nipples more often than the sides of her breasts and my pinky fingers just the opposite, I tried to think back and count and at least made an effort to get things evened out.

I accidentally woke Bella up again, and had to move my hand away fast enough so she would not see it. Of course, her taught nipples were kind of a giveaway. I looked up and gave her the half smile that sometimes made her blush. She eyed me back, but didn't blush or even smile.

"I don't know, Cullen," Bella shook her head once. "I think you have been sneaking gropes when I'm asleep."

I didn't have the ability to blush, but the look on my face must have been enough. Bella started laughing.

"I knew it!"

"I haven't," I insisted. "At least, not often…I've thought about it…but most of the time..."

"Why should I believe you?" Bella asked, laughing again.

"I wouldn't lie to you," I told her, shifting myself back a little. "I wouldn't…not really. I mean, I did touch you…I do, sometimes. Not every time though."

I could feel panic rising up in me. She was angry. Maybe this fell into the category of violating her. I hadn't meant to do that.

"I was only joking, sweetheart," Bella said, sensing my panic. She reached up to run the backs of her fingers across my cheek. I nodded, relieved she wasn't really angry. I reached up and touched her cheek in return, and she leaned over and brushed her lips over mine.

"I wouldn't do that…not while you were asleep…if you told me not to…not when you didn't know…"

"What if I said it was all right with me if you did?"

"Then I would probably do it every chance I could get," I said truthfully.

"I thought so," Bella snickered. Then she was quiet, her fingers going back to tracing shapes on my abdomen.

"Is it?" I asked quietly.

"Is what, what?" Bella looked at me quizzically.

"Is it…okay?" I really hoped I wasn't going to have to ask outright, and she'd get it from my cryptic little clues. When she started laughing again, I knew at least she understood. When she managed to stop snickering, she responded.

"I don't think I would mind."

"I'll remember that," I said, smiling. My arms wrapped around Bella's shoulders, and I held her against my chest, stroking her hair with one hand. I nudged my nose into the soft strands and inhaled deeply, and then I hummed Chopin until Bella fell back into her nap.

. . . . .

I drove the Audi to a body shop Rosalie had claimed wasn't run by complete idiots in order to have the fender fixed. After I dropped it off for an estimate, I headed to the shopping center nearby to make good on my promise to acquire more colorful pajama pants.

I wasn't really sure which garments would make Bella laugh, so I decided to enlist the help of one of the sales people. I found a young woman hanging up the latest fashions in rain jackets and asked for her assistance.

I'd like to help you right out of your clothes!

I grimaced a little at her thoughts.

"I'm looking to purchase some lounge pants," I said. "I would like to find some that are amusing."

"Are what?" she asked.

"Amusing," I said. Then realized I was going to have to clarify. "I want pants that are…funny. I want to…um…make my girlfriend laugh."

Damn. It figures he's attached.

"Okay, let me show you what we have."

I ended up with three pairs. The first was covered with candy again – this time it was silver Hershey's Kisses and not Christmas colored M&Ms. The second had Spiderman in various heroic poses all over it, and the last one had multiple pictures of a bright yellow cartoon character on it, which the sales woman assured me was funny. I couldn't tell what it was supposed to be. I was roughly rectangular with large eyes, spindly limbs and wore a brown pair of shorts.

I thanked the sales woman, and she rang them up for me, and I thanked her. She placed them all in a bag and I thanked her. She asked me if I wanted the receipt in the bag and I said that would be fine and thanked her. I tried to remember if I had thanked her or not, so I made sure to do so before I walked away.

I walked out into the rain with my bag of pants and headed next door to a small bookstore. I was going there for the last item on my list. I shifted around from one foot to the other, pretending to look at a magazine display while actually trying to pick out the location of the right kind of book from the shopkeeper's head. All he was thinking about was the advertisements in the newspaper he held. He wanted to buy his grandson a car as a graduation present.

I finally broke down, asked him my question, picked the answer from his brain and went to the right shelf before he could give me a verbal reply. The only thing I could find was actually meant for children, but I decided it was better than nothing.

I stopped back at the body shop to be told the Audi would need a decent amount of work and be repainted to get it right again. The owner said it would take two weeks. He wasn't being entirely truthful – his backlog wasn't that great and it was really only three days' worth of work. I dropped a grand in cash on the counter and told him I would pick it up on Friday. He nodded and said that would be fine.

I ran back to the cabin in the rain. I wanted to call it "home," but Bella wasn't there, so the word didn't fit.

I shuffled through the bag of lounge pants and put them in the dresser drawer before sitting down on the bed. I pulled the book out of the little plastic bag and began to read with Pillow Bella tucked under my arm. I spent a few hours finding just the right section of the book and then practicing over and over again until I was sure I got it right.

. . . . .

Bella was back the next morning and wrapped her arms around me as soon as she walked in the door and found me waiting for her. She had a large shopping bag in each hand, which made embracing a little awkward, but I still didn't let go for a while. When she complained her arms were starting to hurt, I took the bags from her and brought them to the kitchen. Bella pointed to the chair by the table and told me to sit, and then immediately began cramming the items from the bag into the refrigerator and the pantry.

I watched her move around, and my fingers bounced up and down over my legs, thrumming against the denim. I'd rather be touching her, but I also recognized I had been banished to the chair so I couldn't and she could get the groceries put away. If she didn't, she said it took her ten times longer to get anything done.

I was feeling relatively coherent at the moment, and decided now was as good a time as any to see if all my practicing worked. I went over it in my head a couple more times, took a deep breath and stood up just as she was folding the bags up and putting them in the recycling bin.

"Bella?" I said. Even I could hear my nervousness. I needed to just come out and say it.

"Hmm?" She looked up at me and tilted her head to one side.

I took another unnecessary, deep breath.

"Knock-knock!"

Bella turned and looked at me, her brow furrowed.

I nodded my head at her, hoping she would understand it as a prompt to continue with her side of the joke. Then I wondered if Bella knew about Knock-knock jokes. What if she didn't know how to continue to the punch line? My tongue darted over my lips as I tried to think of a way to cover all of this up.

"Who's there?" Bella said slowly, much to my relief.

"Annette," I said.

"Annette who?" Bella's eyes narrowed again.

"Annette catches more fish than a hook!" I concluded, smiling. I waited for her to laugh.

Bella stood there for what had to have been very close to forever before she slowly shook her head at me. I guess the practicing didn't really help, because she didn't even smile, let alone laugh.

"I was going to learn to tell jokes," I said with a half smile. "I like to hear you laugh. You sound happy."

"Where did you hear that joke?" Bella asked, eyeing me.

"I…um…found it in a book."

"What book?"

I went into the bedroom, reached into the night table drawer and pulled out the copy of Clean Jokes for Kids I had purchased the previous day. I brought it back to Bella.

"This is a children's book," Bella informed me.

"I know – it was the only joke book in the shop."

She flipped through the pages of the book and groaned a couple of times.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I want you to promise me something," Bella said, her voice solemn.

"Anything," I answered.

"I want you to promise not to try to tell me anymore jokes. And burn this book."

The book flew through the air, and I caught it before it hit me in the chest. I looked at her for a moment, trying to gauge the emotion behind the request. Her eyes glittered, and she broke into first a smile, then a laugh. I smiled as well and hugged her to me. It didn't happen the way I had planned, but at least I had made her laugh.

Of course, I would have promised her anything and everything, but this request was simple enough and quite frankly, my preference. I remembered sitting with Carlisle when he bought our first television, watching Jack Benny and not understanding when my father would laugh. The same thing happened with Emmett and Jasper while they watched Saturday Night Live, and I didn't think that was funny, either. Bella was most certainly right. Sane or not, I'm no comedian.

So much for vaudeville.

Chapter End Notes:

No cliffhanger! :)

My kids had that joke book. Those jokes were terrible.

Does everyone know what cartoon character is on Edward's new pants? If you know the show, hopefully I described it well enough for you to figure it out.