Jax hadn't spoken to Vanessa since they got home. Instead, he was sitting at the kitchen table sewing all of his patches back on his kutte. Vanessa watched from her spot at the counter as he focused on the worn piece of leather in his hands. She could see the anger and the guilt that were weighing on him, radiating off of him.
She moved closer and sat in one of the chairs at the table. He gave her a sad look before he started speaking for the first time since finding out about what happened to his mother.
"You knew the whole time?"
"I wanted to tell you." She said sadly. Jax stayed quiet for a minute, looking at his hands instead of at the woman standing in front of him. "You're angry with me."
"Nes..."
"No, I can tell you are. You're angry and you're pulling away." She sighed, grabbing his hand. "I don't want anymore lies between us. I just… I knew how she felt and I couldn't betray her trust like that. Please don't pull away from me. I need you, Jax."
"I'm not pulling away, baby." He kissed the back of her hand, before standing up and pulling her into him. They stood in each other's arms for a few moments and Vanessa could feel tears pricking at her eyes as she closed them gently, laying her head on the front of his kutte.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"You did the right thing, keeping her secret. You had no choice." Jax sighed, pulling away from the hug but keeping her in his arms. She looked up at him. "She needed you and I'm glad you were there for her."
"Me too. I tried to help her the best I could. Tried to help her in ways I thought would help me." She swallowed hard, thinking of how her and Gemma weren't so different. Jax looked at her and could see the pained look in his eyes. She knew what he was thinking, that what happened to both of them was somehow his fault. But neither of them would ever blame him. "You're going after Zobelle."
"Yeah." Jax nodded. "I'd do the same for you."
"You did do the same for me." She said quietly. "I get what you're doing, going after them. You should. I want you too. I want you to kill them all for what they put your mother through."
"But?"
"I need you to be careful, Jax. I can't lose you and neither can our baby boy."
"We will. We're gonna have to get bloody."
"You have to play it smart." She spoke with a confidence in her voice that he had been hearing a lot more of lately. It was a similar confidence to Gemma, but yet different at the same time. He couldn't help but realize that she was becoming a real old lady right in front of his eyes. He didn't know if it scared him or made him proud. "Zobelle was expecting you guys to retaliate last time and now you're facing real jail time. You all need to be smart and hit him where it hurts. Going in blind did you guys no favors last time."
"I know." Jax was about to continue when there was a loud knocking on the door. Vanessa jumped up and so did Jax. He reached for his gun and turned the safety off, moving closer to the door as he pushed Vanessa behind him slightly. "It's alright."
Jax slowly opened the door to see Clay standing outside. Jax and Vanessa both exhaled a sigh of relief and he opened the door further.
"Sorry." Clay said, still looking down. "I know it's late." Clay walked inside and Vanessa went to go get Abel who was now crying at being woken up from the loud knocking.
"I got it." Jax said to her, gently holding onto her hand before he turned the safety back on and handed the gun off to her. He nodded to his girl before patting his step father on the back. "Come on."
As they both went into Abel's nursery, Vanessa sat down at the kitchen table again. The gun was still in her hands as she stared at it. She stared at Jax's glock that was likely responsible for putting many people six feet under, but that didn't scare her. Holding a gun in her hand, a weapon that she used to be afraid of, now did nothing but comfort her.
And that made her sad.
Jax, Vanessa, and the baby were all on the lot first thing in the morning. Jax for church with the rest of the club, while Vanessa sought out Gemma. She knew Gemma needed someone now, maybe even more than she did before she said anything. She likely feared the same thing that Vanessa once feared. Not being wanted, being pitied, being thought of as weak.
She looked for Gemma in the office, where she usually was by this time, but she didn't see her. So while Jax went inside for church, Vanessa and the baby drove a few blocks away to Gemma's house.
She knocked on the door, waiting for the older woman to answer while she held Abel on her hip.
"It's open." She heard Gemma call out. Vanessa walked in and walked over to where Gemma was sitting at her dining room table. She could tell that the woman had barely slept last night by the bags that resided under her eyes.
"Morning." She said, sitting in the seat next to Gemma with Abel in her lap.
"Hey." Gemma was just staring at her cigarette.
"Doing okay?"
"Sure." Gemma spoke sarcastically.
"It was really brave, doing what you did."
"Had to be done." She exhaled the smoke from her lungs. "Snap Jax and Clay out of their bullshit."
"It had to be done for you." Vanessa pointed out. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to talk about." She whispered. "Clay is never going to want to be inside something that's been ripped up like me."
"Jesus Christ, Gemma. That is not true. Clay loves you."
"Love don't mean shit." She scoffed. "Men need to own their pussy. His has been violated. He'll find another. It's what they do."
"No, it's not Gem." She sighed. "I thought Jax would never want me again after I told him what happened to me. I thought he would pity me or think I was broken. But I was wrong. He told me that he loved me and that nothing would ever change that. I have a feeling that you're wrong too."
"I'm not wrong, sweetheart. My son... he's different than the rest of them. He's different with you. He always has been."
"You and Clay will be fine, Gemma. He loves you and he's not going to find someone else." Gemma didn't respond, all she did was shake her head before getting up and leaving the room.
Vanessa went back to the lot after her conversation with Gemma. She wanted to fill Jax in on how Gemma was doing. But when she reached the lot she didn't see Jax's bike, only Opie who was working on an older bike near the garage.
"Ope…" She started.
"Jax isn't here. He went back to your place, he should be back in a few."
"Okay." She sighed. "Listen, Opie. I'm sorry."
"I'm not the one you called a bad influence on my kids."
"I know. I tried to apologize to Lyla the other day and I totally get why she was pissed. I shouldn't have said that because it's not true. I was a real bitch to her and she didn't deserve that. I just… I had a lot of shit going on that day. Not that that's an excuse, but still."
"I know. Jax told me about your suspension at work." He stopped to look at her. "That sucks."
"Yeah." She nodded. "I uh, I was wondering if I could have Lyla's number. I was gonna ask her and Ellie if they wanted to get lunch, our nails done. Ellie seems to like our girls days a lot, so maybe I can talk Lyla into joining too. If that's okay?"
"I think she'd like that." Opie texted her the number. "Just, take it easy on her, okay? She's just trying to make a living and take care of her kid, just like the rest of us."
"I get it. And I am sorry, Ope." He nodded at her as Tig came up to the two of them. Vanessa looked over to Dog, one of the mechanics who was holding Abel in the garage and walked over to the baby who was now smiling towards her.
Tig and Opie were only talking for a minute when she looked back and saw Opie had Tig pinned up against the truck and was punching him in the face several times. Vanessa saw that Tig's face was completely bloody when she went to talk Opie down.
"Opie!" She called out to him, pulling on his kutte to try to calm him down. To keep him from killing his brother, especially on the lot in front of all of these witnesses. But when she reached for his kutte and pulled gently, an arm shrugged her back. Vanessa fell back onto her ass, her hands scraped against the cement as she tried to brace herself. Opie continued pounding into Tig's face while Tig just stood there without any fight.
"What did you do? What did you do?" Opie yelled in Tig's face.
"It was Stahl, Ope." Tig said, numbly. "She made you a rat. She's the one who killed Donna. Me and Clay, we didn't want to believe it."
"I came clean! Clay and I were good!" Opie was almost in tears as he yelled.
"Found wiretaps in your truck and your phone. The Feds put money in your accounts. Stahl she wanted to make us think that you had turned. It was supposed to be you in the truck, not Donna."
"Opie!" Jax yelled as he flew onto the lot, seeing his best friend pinning a bruised and bloody Tig to the truck while Vanessa was on the ground. "Clay!" He called out, first running straight for Vanessa who was about to get up. He took both of her scraped hands into his, pulling her up. He looked down at her hands, seeing them slightly cut open and bloody, and knew that she must have broken most of her fall with them. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." She said, rubbing them onto her jeans. She listened to the rest of the guys yelling around them when she saw Opie move quickly towards his bike.
"What the hell did you say to him?" Clay asked. "Tell us!"
"I don't even know who I am anymore, man."
"What are you talking about?"
"I had to tell him." Tig shook his head.
"Tell him what?" Bobby asked, utterly confused.
"That I killed Donna." She looked at Bobby as he muttered 'Jesus Christ' before looking back to Tig. "It was Stahl's fault. Opie knows."
"Opie knows what?" Jax's anger was ready to get the best of him.
"Stahl is the one who really killed Donna."
"Shit." Jax snapped, looking over to where Opie's bike was parked, hoping it was still there. But it wasn't. "He's going after Stahl. Shit! Clean him up." He pointed to Vanessa and she just nodded her head.
Vanessa walked with Tig and Half Sack into one of the dorm rooms. She felt as though she was betraying Donna by even helping clean Tig up, but she knew that she had to do it. So she did.
"You hear that whole thing?" Tig asked her and she nodded. "You didn't seem too surprised."
"I wasn't." She wiped an alcohol pad over the large cut on his cheek bone before putting a bandage over it. "This doesn't need stitches."
"Jax tell you? Or your brother?"
"Both have hinted at it." She tried to keep their conversation to a minimum.
"You're different." She looked into his eyes slightly confused. "Than the rest of the Hale's, I mean."
"Yeah." She picked up the peroxide and handed it to him. "Go clean out the cuts on your hands in the bathroom."
"Yeah, okay." He started walking away. "Thanks, doc."
She looked over at the prospect who looked to be walking slightly funny, almost as if he was limping, but he wasn't.
"You okay, Kip?"
"Think something may be going on with the implant." He whispered, a pained look on his face.
"Uh, going on?" Her eyebrows furrowed.
"Can I show you?" He asked already pulling his belt off.
"Uh, n-" She didn't get to finish before his pants were already down. She looked at the implant, seeing it completely swollen. "Oh, my God!"
"It's bad, right?"
"Y-yes. Yes, that is very bad." She covered her mouth with her hands. "That is very, very infected. You have to get to an ER, like right now." Clay and Bobby suddenly walked into the dorm room and both stared at Half Sack.
"Holy Mary of balls." Clay sounded surprised.
"Shit." Bobby laughed. "You got kinda like elephant nuts."
Half Sack turned around and faced the other direction, trying to get them to stop staring. But when he turned around, Tig was standing there and instantly puked, quickly moving towards the toilet.
"You need to get to St. Thomas right now, Kip."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm uh, I'm gonna go." He nodded, pulling his pants back up and pointed towards the door.
Vanessa called Jax the second Opie's bike was back on the lot. And just a few minutes later, Jax was driving onto the lot too. He walked inside seeing Vanessa sitting on the couch in the clubhouse while the baby played with his toy in her lap. Jax walked over and kissed her.
"He's in his dorm." She muttered, pulling him back into the kiss before he pulled away again.
"Thanks for cleaning Tig up." She nodded and gave him a small, sad smile. "I better go talk to him."
Jax walked over to his dorm, seeing the door open and Opie staring into the mirror in the bathroom.
"Hey." He said, causing Opie to walk out of the bathroom. "I've been looking for you."
"I didn't kill her." Opie sat on the bed while Jax sat in a chair across from him. "The rift between you and Clay, you knew about Donna the whole time."
"I couldn't tell you, man." Jax shook his head. "Her getting killed was bad enough. Knowing this…"
"Yeah." Opie sighed, tears coming to his eyes. "What do I do, Jax? Clay, Tig- how the hell am I supposed to share a patch with them?"
"Burden lands on the club, Ope. We both know it." He spoke with clear anger. "Clay is Clay because of us. We made him."
"Then how do we unmake him?"
"I've been trying to figure that out." Jax scoffed, wanting to unmake Clay just as much as Opie. "But the one thing I know for sure is I can't do this alone. I need you, bro."
"I'm here, man." Opie stood up and so did Jax, both reaching in for a hug. Opie patted Jax on the back as he tried to hold back the tears lingering in his eyes once they pulled away. "What?"
"I got something I want you to read."
AN: Thank you everyone who has favorited and followed. Special thanks to BlueBloodsSVUOrder, Kit Goodchild, Grace, MaddyeTrager, hateme101, and FLSweet82 for reviewing! I love seeing all of you comment and interact with this story, it really makes my day! We're getting closer to season 3 which is one of my favorites and is where I start to deviate a little from the show, so I'm excited to see how you all react to that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.
