Chasing after you is like a fairytale, but I
Feel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel
Oh, and, uh, wear that dress. You know the one...
Though I wasn't exactly sure, I assumed he meant the one he had been admiring the night he surprised me at the opera. It's the only dress he'd seen me in over a year, and while I wasn't in the mood to wear something this fancy when I had no idea where I was even going, I did what he asked of me.
That was where I drew the line though. I would wear the dress, but I refused to put any more effort into what I looked like. Besides, after dealing with Matt's father at dinner, I was in no mood to even think about my appearance. I wore the dress, but instead of heels, I had on my comfortable, warm winter boots with a ring of faux fur around the calf.
Beneath the split skirt of the dress, I had pulled on a pair of my warmest leggings and slipped on my winter coat with a thick scarf wrapped around my neck. As for my hair, well...I didn't expect him to remember the way I had worn it the very time we met-pulled to the side with the length spilling over my shoulder. But that's how I kept it styled after leaving the dinner earlier in the evening.
I told myself I wasn't wearing it for him, but I couldn't really find a good enough reason to wear it this way if it weren't for him. And it only frustrated me more to come to the conclusion that maybe I was.
Why?
Why did I feel the need to impress him at all? What happened to hating him?
The hate was still there, but I had learned a long time ago how fine the line between hate and desire was. Despite all my attempts to build that line back up, despite all the time and the therapy it took to get me to where I am now, he strolls back in and knocks it down like it was nothing.
And here I was, doing what he asked of me, waiting for him to waltz back into my life and sweep me back up into this whole thing over again. Whatever this thing actually was.
I was certain that if my neighbors saw me standing in the lobby of the apartment building, wearing what I was dressed in, staring out the front doors, they'd think I was crazy. Thankfully it was a bit late and most of the tenants in the building were older. In the ten minutes I had been standing here, only one man had come in from the cold and he barely glanced my way long enough to notice how strange I was acting.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and checked the time-and if there were any missed calls. It was 8:59 and I had no messages or calls, though I didn't expect otherwise. After all but fleeing the restaurant, I was certain Matt wouldn't want to talk to me. There's no telling what Cal had said about me after I left or what he was telling his son. It stung to think about and I ducked my head to rest my forehead against the cold glass of the door.
Headlights brightened the street and I blinked in surprise, raising my head as my pulse raced. A black car pulled up to the curb outside and I stared at it, my mouth open slightly.
At one time, the car had been a taxi, but the logo on the side was gone, leaving only the shape of it in the messy paint job. The window rolled down and I stared at the driver peering out.
Despite the knots in my stomach and my apprehension making it hard to think straight, I opened the door and winced against the blast of cold air. The driver looked at a piece of paper in his hand before looking back at me. He leaned over and called out, "You Jaclyn?"
The name made me slow to a stop and I wanted to roll my eyes. Instead, I sighed, nodded, and headed toward the back door of the car. My hand reached for the handle and a flash of his face ran through my head, making me freeze. Would he be behind the door, sitting there, waiting for me? The thought of his smile, his scars, and the heat of his body just waiting to pull me back in tightened the knot in my stomach but in a different way. It pressed into my lower belly and settled between my legs in that unmistakable, frustrating arousal that only he seemed to give me.
I held my breath and pulled the handle, throwing the door open. There was nothing but the tan, leather seat stretching to the other side of the car and I let out a huff of a sigh. My disappointment was evident in the drop of my shoulders and I quickly tried to mask it as if I could hide it from myself. I slid into the car and shut the door behind me, staring at the red, digital letters displayed on the dashboard. Without a glance back at me, the driver shifted gears and pulled away from the curb.
We drove in silence through the city, though several times I opened my mouth to ask him where he was taking me. Each time, I clamped my lips together again and decided against it. I wasn't sure why, but the silence was better than knowing. So I simply stared out the windshield and occasionally glanced at the guy driving me to wherever.
He was middle-aged, a bit pudgy around the middle and it sat around his jaws and chin as well. He wore a thick coat and a baseball cap with the logo ripped off. He was very nondescript, hard to remember if I needed to and I was sure that was exactly the reason Joker picked him for this kind of job. Wouldn't draw too much attention, could easily be forgotten.
After we had been driving for half an hour, the guy reached for the radio and switched it on. The voices from whatever sports show played quietly and I let out a sigh. As the car veered to the right onto the highway leading out of Gotham, switching lanes to exit, I frowned and leaned forward.
"Where are we going?" I finally asked, watching one of the exit signs pass over us.
The driver glanced back at me with a shrug. "Sorry, doll. I was told not to spoil the surprise."
Of course.
Why did I ever think I would get any straight answer when I was dealing with Joker? He lived to keep me-and the entire city-on our toes. I turned my phone over in my hand to check the time. I'd only been gone twenty-five minutes.
A small part of me worried that Matt would stop by my apartment to check on me, find me gone, and call Abby to ask where I was. That would be the worst-case scenario and I didn't really see it happening. Matt and I weren't at that level in our relationship to where he would feel comfortable just coming over.
He would call or text before just dropping by. At least, that's what I hoped, because I couldn't think of a single decent lie to tell him if that happened and I was terrified that after all the lies piling up, I would have no more room left in me for more. I'd already told Dr. Greenburg too much.
If I started telling half-truths to my friends, it would become too easy to let the rest tumble out as well.
After another exit leading North, I frowned and looked out the window to my right. The buildings were mostly commercial, failed strip malls and abandoned shopping centers. There were gas stations and small clusters of businesses, but not much to see. Not much that would attract someone like Joker anyway.
Before we went too far, the driver put his blinker on and took another right, heading back to the east, toward the coast. The Gotham skyline wasn't too far in the distance, glittering beneath the thick, winter clouds, and beyond, I could see small glimpses of the black ocean.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was taking me to…
My stomach dropped to the seat beneath me and I slid to the other side of the car, pressing my face to the glass. There, just ahead of us and sitting on the abandoned, dark docks was the Ferris wheel I had begged my parents to take me on as a teenager. The lights had been out for years and it now stood like a skeleton in front of the cloudy sky.
Beneath it, stretching out in both directions was the rest of Amusement Mile, just as dark, just as ominous and I pressed a hand to my belly to ease the ache of nerves. This couldn't be the surprise.
I couldn't even think about it, couldn't even entertain the idea that this is where he would be taking me, but it made sense. He wasn't just stalking me. Apparently, he had been watching Matt and his father closely as well. What the hell did he have to his sleeve this time? I hoped and prayed that I was just being paranoid, that this was just a bizarre coincidence.
I was almost amused, almost impressed by his determination and scheming but as the driver turned the car onto the road leading up to the abandoned park, I felt nothing but anger. How stupid I'd been! Had I really thought he was going to show me something nice, something romantic? I didn't want to admit that a tiny part of me has been hoping for it.
I felt just as humiliated as I had been at dinner and I almost wanted to scream at the driver to turn the car around and take me home. He wouldn't let me leave like that. He'd come find me and drag me back. The satisfaction of pissing him off was almost enough to make me do it but I wanted to get this over with.
As the car pulled up as far as it could go, right in front of the archway leading into the park, I frowned and turned to look at the guy in the driver's seat. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and waited patiently in silence.
"Am I supposed to just get out here?"
"That's what I was told," the guy said, turning to glance at me over his shoulder.
"And just walk into an abandoned amusement park in the dark?"
He offered me an apologetic smile that I didn't exactly believe and shrugged. "Sorry doll. I'm just doing what I was told."
"Right." I wrenched the handle and pushed the door open, not giving him or the car a backward glance. It was dark on this side of the parking lot, even with the full moon peeking out from behind the clouds overhead and the city lights in the distance. I wrapped my coat tighter around me and stared up at the arch above me.
A long time ago, the neon sign had blinked bright pink and yellow over everyone's heads as they strolled into the park. Now, the glass tubes were busted and crude words and figures were spray-painted on the posts, covering nearly every inch.
Behind me, the car rolled away and I watched over my shoulder until the red glow of the taillights disappeared down the road. I was alone on the edge of the parking lot and I crossed my arms over my chest. If he thought for a single second that I was going to waltz in there all by myself, he was mistaken.
From beneath the docks that the park sat on, I could hear the waves crashing against the beach and it reminded me of the noise machine sitting in Dr. Greenburg's office. I took a breath in through my nose and let it out before turning back to the sign above me.
There was only the A and M left on the sign and I frowned up at it, trying to remember the last time I was here. It had been the summer I turned fourteen and I had begged my parents for the freedom to walk around the booths on my own. How strange it was to be here now, under such different, bizarre circumstances.
From inside the park, something loud snapped and I jumped nearly a foot off the ground, spinning toward the sound. It was impossible to see anything but as I stared between the booths and attractions, a light flickered on from deep inside.
It blinked a few times before finally staying on and I stared down at the glow of it around my feet as music started to play. It faded, crackled and finally sorted itself out and I braced myself for the wave of chills rolling down my spine. Several seconds passed and I waited, listening for the familiar laugh or voice that my body was anticipating. There was nothing but the strange, distorted tune playing creepily inside the park.
I had no idea what I was expected to do, but standing here clearly wasn't it. With a roll of my eyes, I pulled my jacket tighter around me and headed under the arch leading into the park, though every instinct within me told me to turn back. This was where the stupid girl in the movies got murdered because she wouldn't listen to her gut. And though I was fairly confident Joker wouldn't kill me just yet, there was still that paranoia that maybe I was wrong sitting just beneath the surface of my skin.
The ticket booths and carnival game stands had all been ransacked, covered in spray paint, and vandalized and I had to step over a few planks of wood and old, soggy prizes that were scattered about and exposed to the elements. A popcorn machine had been tipped over, the glass shattered long ago and the wheels bent at odd angles. I stepped around it and crossed my arms over my chest before following the music deeper inside the park.
Whatever speakers it was playing through had seen better days. The music crackled every few seconds, making me jump each time but it reminded me of what would play on a-
I came around a booth with a tarp draped over the front-probably a makeshift tent for an unlucky homeless person-and stopped dead in my tracks. I had found the source of both the lights and the music. A carousel turned slowly on the large platform, the damaged and vandalized animals slowly creaking up and down on their poles.
For a few seconds, I was too stunned to even breathe. It was as if I had frozen in time like the rest of the attractions within the park until the corner of my lips lifted into a half-smile. I let out a scoff and took a step forward, glancing around for any sign that I wasn't alone.
Slowly, with the motor cranking along with occasional groans of protest, the carousel spun and a figure came around, leaning against a plaster horse that was hanging haphazardly from its pole. My steps came to a halt and my breath held tight in my lungs at the sight of him. He had a hold of one of the poles and used it to lean out of the carousel as he rode it around to face me.
I was shaking my head before his eyes found me and by the time he was directly in front of me, he let go of the pole and stepped off the ride. When he landed on his feet, he spread his arms out wide and grinned, stretching the painted scars on his face.
"Ta-da!"
The tacky, purple suit was back and the jacket hung open to give me a good view of his thin waist. If it was the same suit or a new one, I couldn't tell but then again, I wasn't exactly looking at the details. I was too distracted by his grin. My fingers tightened into fists to keep them from twitching and though I tried not to, I couldn't help letting my gaze skate down the length of his body.
I bit the inside of my lower lip and lifted my eyes back up to meet his. Knowing he was waiting for my reaction, I lifted an eyebrow and nodded toward the carousel. "What is this?"
His sigh was loud enough that I could hear it over the crackling music still playing and he dropped his arms to his side. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him smack his lips and roll his eyes. "You're a tough crowd to impress."
The corner of my lips lifted in another half-smile and I took a step closer to the carousel, making sure to keep some distance between him and me. I had wanted to be strong, but at the moment, I didn't exactly trust myself-and I definitely didn't trust him. The further I stayed away from him, the better it would be in the end.
Glancing at him quickly, I stood in front of the carousel and shrugged a shoulder. "I've seen your old stuff. This is a little tame in comparison."
Another smack of his lips made me turn to stare at him and he cleared his throat. "Well, I apologize for not living up to my previous performances. I'm switching things up this time, sweetheart."
I tried to listen to what he was saying, but it was hard to concentrate when he took a step toward me. All I could hear was the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. To keep space between us, I took a step away from him and turned my back, glancing over my shoulder.
"Clearly." There was no way he couldn't hear the nervous tone in my voice. "And what exactly is this?"
" This, my dear, is an opportunity. You see," he said, taking two steps for every one of mine. At this rate, he would reach me in no time and my stomach was fluttering like crazy at the thought. "I plan to take things a bit slower this time around. Gotham wasn't quite ready for a guy like me. A city like this needs, uh, lots of foreplay."
Maybe I was crazy, maybe I was reading far too much into things, but something told me that he wasn't just talking about Gotham. The possibility made my face flush hot and I let out a small, shuddering breath that caught in my throat. I swallowed and looked away from him.
Be strong, Nat. Don't let him sway you with this kind of talk.
Shaking the hair from my face, I looked up at the lights shining on the ceiling of the carousel. Several bulbs had been shattered or gone out, and the ones remaining looked dim as if they were seconds away from going dark.
"Uh-huh," I said, taking a hand away from my chest to point up at the ride. "And you plan to do this with a carousel?"
I fully expected him to roll his eyes at my sarcasm, to say something cryptic that would make me regret coming here, but he didn't. Slowly, his lips stretched into a grin and he tilted his head back a bit, never taking his eyes off of mine.
"Dream a little bigger, Natalie. Say the magic words and I'll show you the grand scheme."
My eyebrow arched and I found myself laughing-just a quick breath of a chuckle, but it brought a strange look to his eyes. "What? You mean like Abracadabra?"
"Louder," he urged, gesturing for me to hurry with a wave of his hand.
"Abracadab-" And just like magic, a switch was thrown from somewhere close by, cutting my voice off. Lights blinked on around us bit by bit until every light bulb left working in the park was on. The string lights that had once been strung up in crisscrossing lines overhead flickered and a few of the bulbs left intact came to life. I put my hands to my face and sucked in a breath as the Ferris wheel lit up. "Holy shit."
I spun around to stare at him and found him watching me, his eyes shadowed from the black paint smeared around them. His expression was impossible to decipher but just around the edges of it, I could tell he was waiting for my reaction. And for some reason, that made my heart skip a beat and the butterflies in my stomach went wild.
"You know," I managed to whisper, bringing a hand to my throat. "Someone's going to see these lights and call the cops."
Joker licked the corner of his lips and I couldn't help staring at his tongue. The sight of it was like lighting a match inside me. One second I was nervous, a ball of knots in my stomach, and the next, he was tossing a flame on it all, leaving me with nothing but this desire I would never be able to explain. "That's the plan."
"You want the cops to find you?"
"It's an unfortunate inevitability," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "So let's make the most of our time while we can."
My eyes widened as he took a step toward me and without even thinking, I retreated on my heels. I was still desperate to hang onto the notion that I could be strong and resist him, but I had to keep my distance to do that. I swallowed and found myself licking my dry lips.
"You know they're thinking of tearing this place down."
He took a deep breath and stood up a bit straighter, glancing around at the aged attractions and derelict carnival booths. "Are they now? Well, I'll just have to take it from them."
Through the haze of desire starting to fog my mind, I narrowed my eyes. The way he said them made me wonder if he knew exactly who was in the process of buying this dump. It was too much of a coincidence. He knew and I didn't like the thought of him knowing anything about Matt or his father.
Joker took another step toward me and I backed up on my heel to keep up the game. The back of my boot hit a metal gate that had been tipped over and I couldn't hold back the squeak that left my lips. He heard it too and it made his eyes narrow. The only evidence to prove he liked it was the slow smile curling his lips.
I had to change the subject-had to get his and my mind off of anything to do with Matt. Not just because it made me uncomfortable, but because I truly didn't want to know how he planned to take this place from anyone. For now, ignorance was bliss.
Biting my lip, I turned toward the carousel. The only way to get away from him was to hop onto the platform and ride it around to the front once more.
"I had my first kiss on this carousel," I murmured, not sure what made me admit that to him. The memory was something I hadn't cared to think about in years and god knows he didn't really care. Shaking my head, I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and found him moving closer.
"That right?" His voice was low and I could feel the warmth of his breath across the shell of my ear, making it hard to breathe.
I closed my eyes and forced myself to focus on what I was saying instead of on how easy it would be to turn and face him and be close enough to touch. Tilting my head back, I blinked up at the lights slowly circling above us. "Mmhmm." I could barely think, but I had so much nervous energy pent up from just being this close to him that the only way to distract myself was to keep talking. "His name was Marcus something-I can't even remember his last name. I remember that I met him at the ring-toss and we spent the whole day together."
As I spoke, Joker lifted a hand and brought it to the scarf around my neck. I didn't-couldn't watch as his fingers, hidden beneath a leather glove, pulled at the material until it fell away from my throat. Slowly, it slipped away until the fringe on the end tickled my jaw seconds and fluttered down the front of my body.
I didn't know how long I could keep this up. Would I keep talking until he had undressed me? I didn't know what else to do. "We ended up on this carousel at the end of the night and he kissed me. It was awful," I laughed, ducking my head to hide the flush of my face. "All tongue and teeth and at one point he licked my chin. A total let down. I had wanted fireworks and all I got was a wet chin and disappointment."
He didn't hesitate, didn't give me a single second to catch my breath and my entire body trembled as he pinched the zipper right at my throat. It lowered an inch and I knew I couldn't let him keep going. I was already starting to crumble, my strength fading fast. Before he could unzip my coat the entire way, I reached out and grabbed one of the poles passing by on the carousel.
I put my boot up onto the platform and hoisted myself up, leaving him behind with my scarf in his hands, flowing in the breeze. Now that I was away from him, slowly spinning on the carousel in the middle of the abandoned amusement park, I sucked in a deep breath of the frigid air. I took a few steps and found a lion figure that had seen better days that was no longer moving up and down on the pole.
Its mouth was open wide, but the teeth had been busted out and its eyes had been painted a multitude of colors, most of them dripping down its facing. I leaned against its side and stared up at the bulbs across the ceiling, blinking to try to free myself from this heady fog I always found myself trapped in around him.
He hadn't even touched me and I felt ignited. The flames were licking at my insides already, giving no room for sanity. Despite the cold, December air, I was sweating and almost wanted to shed my jacket myself.
As the carousel made a full circle back around to where I had started, I half expected to see him standing there, waiting for me to return. But he wasn't. Panic bubbled in my chest and I immediately thought he had left me. I was both relieved and disappointed.
I pushed away from the lion and grabbed another pole to steady myself as I took a step. Out of the corner of my eye, a shadow pulled my attention and I turned to see him making his way toward me on the platform. There were only a few animal figures between us, and while I was sure they had faced the same mistreatment as the poor lion, I couldn't see anything but him at that moment.
My heart hammered against the inside of my chest so hard I felt light-headed and though every rational thought in my head told me to take a step back, to keep myself away from him, I couldn't. This game we played, cat and mouse, was growing old-especially when I knew what happened when he finally caught me.
Joker's steps were slow but I still felt as if I had no time to react. I curled my fingers around one of the metal poles and leaned against the animal at my hip, waiting for him to catch up to me.
When he reached out to close his hand around the pole, inches above my own fingers, I shut my eyes and took in another breath that left my chin quivering. He wasted no time, picking up where he had left off and I heard the zipper of my coat before I felt his touch.
The cold hit my chest as the material parted and fell away. I didn't stay cold for long. Despite his gloves, I could feel the heat of his hands as he brushed the back of his fingers along the flesh of my collar bone. It left me trembling and I gripped the pole harder to keep me steady.
He made a noise in the back of his throat-a mix between a hum and a growl-and it was like throwing gasoline on the flames inside me. I sucked in a breath and opened my eyes, too afraid to look up at him. Not because he scared me but because I was terrified of what I would want if I did.
"I like this color on you, sweetheart." His voice was a whisper, sending chills falling down my spine and heat pooling deep within me. When I finally opened my eyes I found myself staring at his lips, painted and scarred and so tempting, as he curled his finger beneath the fabric of my dress. His fingers burned a trail down my chest and between my breasts and I knew he could feel how fast I was breathing.
Without thinking, I put my palm to the center of his chest, right over the line of silver buttons down his vest. "J…" I found myself whispering, the single syllable breathy and pleading as it fell from my lips. "I can't."
"Still fighting, still denying. Always running from things, Natalie." My eyes shut once more and he leaned closer to me. "You're lucky I like the chase."
If it was possible to come from just a voice, I would have right then and there. The deep growl of his words sank through me, turning my legs weak and making my entire body alive with desire and anticipation. They danced just beneath the surface of my skin like electric currents and every so often, a jolt of heat would settle between my thighs.
Though I didn't know how it was possible, he took another step and came even closer to me, pinning me against the animal behind me. My fingers tightened around the material of his vest until my knuckles were white. I didn't know whether to push him away or pull him closer and all I could do was whisper.
"What are you doing?"
"Mm," he hummed, making me suck in a tiny breath. He brought his palm to my face and I couldn't help leaning into the heat of his touch. "Giving you those fireworks, sweetheart."
The tips of his hair brushed against the side of my cheek and though I knew what was coming, there was nothing I could do to prepare myself. His lips, slick with paint but so warm, captured mine so suddenly I gasped. I whimpered against his mouth, mourning the loss of the strength I foolishly thought I could hold onto. Not when it came to him.
I could tell he liked the sound I made and as he wound his arm around my waist, pulling me so close that my chest was pressed into his, I gave in. With his hand on my jaw, he guided my head to the side and fit his lips against mine. I could feel the crooked scar on his bottom lip and I longed to taste it.
Our kiss was intense, built up from the year and several months we had been apart, and it left my entire body weak. If it weren't for his arm around me, holding me up, I would have been helpless to stand on my own.
My lips parted and he followed my lead, dipping his tongue against mine, drinking me in with every rise and fall of our breaths. It felt so good, so right, and I hated how much I wanted more. When he let go of the pole to slide his other hand between my coat and my body, I arched my back and pressed closer to him. Too close wasn't enough and I wanted to feel so much more of him. His hand was so warm against my back, blazing a trail of fire up my spine and leaving me dizzy.
There were definitely fireworks. At that moment, the entire city could have exploded and I never would have noticed. All I could think about was how there was too much between us, too many layers in the way of feeling the heat of his skin on mine. I snaked my hand up his chest and around the curve of his neck, tangling my fingers in the hair behind his head.
From deep within the center of the carousel, the motor made a miserable sound and sputtered out. The platform came to a stop, shifting us back into the figure behind me. I gasped and Joker growled against my lips, refusing to break our kiss. He pushed me back and when I could go no further, he pressed his hips into mine. I could feel the buckle of his belt against my stomach and my fingers were begging to dip between us and unbuckle it.
It disturbed me how easily I sank back into this moment, melting into his arms and leaning against him once more, wanting all of him that I could get. So many times I had told myself I would have done things differently and it turned out to be just another lie I told myself. I wasn't just powerless to stop this. I didn't want to. In the back of my mind, I realized that this was the first real moment between us.
There was no torment, no knives, no fear. And for some reason, it scared me more than I expected it to. When there was fear and all the chaos, it was easy to blame what I did on adrenaline, on pent up aggression and emotions. But without any of that to blame, I felt vulnerable, exposed, and raw. I was scared of how real this was and how badly I wanted it. The fear had returned but it was different than what I felt for him. I was afraid of myself and how low I'd let myself sink just to taste more of my drug.
Moving my hand back to his chest, I pushed against him and turned my head away until I could duck away from his gaze. The feel of his breath, warm and quick against my forehead, turned me on and I bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to stop the desire from spiking. It didn't get rid of it but it was the first second of clarity I had since he had kissed me.
"I shouldn't do this," I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut. It was hard to fight against the need to tilt my head back and kiss him again.
"Why?" His voice was deep and rough and fuck, it was hot. He pulled one arm out from around my waist and lifted a hand to my face, taking hold of my chin to force me to look at him. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes and searched his dark gaze, finding that exhilarating desire and heat within it that only fueled mine more. "It's what you want. You wanted it the last time you wore this dress."
I had wanted it. I had wanted it so bad that night he had surprised me at the opera, but knowing he hadn't been fooled by my lies, by my attempts to keep him away from me made me scowl up at him. "You think you know everything, don't you?"
The stretch of his smile on his lips told me whatever he was about to say would infuriate me. He let go of my chin but didn't release his hold on the rest of me. I felt his fist tighten around the velvet material at the small of my back. "Only when it comes to you, Natalie. You may think you're closed off, hiding yourself away, but not to me-" he smacked his lips and laughed softly. "-No, to me, you're an open book."
I knew as much, but it was still maddening to hear him admit it. To everyone else, my lies were the truth. To him, they were nothing. I scowled and shook my head, pushing away from him. When he let me go, I was almost offended but I couldn't prove him right and show him that. I closed my jacket back around my body and spun toward the edge of the platform.
"I want to go home."
Behind me, Joker laughed. "Running away so soon?"
I jumped off the carousel and as soon as my feet touched down, I spun back around to face him. My eyes burned in the corners and I cursed myself for being an angry crier. "Why do you have to ruin everything?"
He followed me, stepping off the platform and landing beside me with a sigh. "Why do you lie to yourself so often?" I glared at him and he grinned, stepping toward me. "Don't give me that look. You should know by now what it does to me. But for now, let's talk business, shall we?"
I blinked but had no time to ask him what he meant. Joker closed the distance between us and snatched my elbow, turning me in the opposite direction. He steered me toward a long stretch of a building behind the carousel. I opened my mouth to tell him to let me go, but my words died when I caught sight of the entrance of the funhouse we were heading toward.
A giant face, with crazed, yellow eyes and a gaping mouth open wide to act as the entrance, momentarily distracted me and I stared up at the monstrosity. I blinked a few times to pull myself out of the daze of surprise and scowled up at the man beside me. The red paint across his mouth was smeared and I knew my face had the same streak of paint.
"What do you mean business?" I wiped my coat sleeve across my lips and jerked my other arm out of his grip. He was quick to catch me again.
"I plan to make a purchase soon, but you see, there's a litt-le problem."
"What problem?" He tugged my arm, making me stumble behind him and we rounded the creepy funhouse. Between it and a few booths that had been stripped and gutted years ago, the lights couldn't quite reach. The shadows surrounding us were almost as creepy as the giant face and I could hear footsteps thumping along around us.
"Let's just say, they might recognize my face." His voice switched tones, going from dark and deep to almost teasing in a split second and I frowned in confusion. "Which is where you come in."
"Me?"
"Yes, sweetheart. You." Behind us, a sharp sound of metal on metal echoed and the lights of the Ferris wheel blinked off. In the distance, a familiar wail pierced the night and I gasped. Police sirens. "Someone has to be the face of my organization if I want to take things slow this time around. I can't be the one to make all the appearances."
As he spoke, he spun me around to face him once again and I shook my head, unable to comprehend what he was saying. Everything was always so cryptic, so confusing. I tried to look away, but he didn't let me, catching my chin in his hand, forcing me to stare up at him.
"I'll give you a few days to think it over. But don't forget, you owe me, Natalie."
The sirens were getting closer and I didn't know what to panic over more; the looming threat of being caught, or what he was saying to me. And annoyingly, the desire to continue what we had started on the carousel was still there, burning inside me, reminding me of how fucked up I was.
I opened my mouth to tell him to take his business proposition and shove it, but he didn't give me a chance. He smacked his lips and smiled. "Oh, and as much as I enjoy putting you in dangerous situations, I need to make sure you're back home nice and safe tonight."
"What-"
At my side, the footsteps I'd heard moments ago thumped loudly and another pair of hands took me by the arm. My jacket was shoved aside and I snapped my head over my shoulder just in time to see a guy at my arm. He took hold of my coat and wrenched it and the fabric of my dress down to my elbow before plunging a needle into the muscle.
I cried out and tried to free my arm from his grasp but it was pointless. The plunger on the syringe was pushed down and for the second time in my life, I was drugged by the same maniac I had been making out with not fifteen minutes earlier. Whatever he had pumped into my body burned as it flowed into my bloodstream. My eyes stung with tears as I turned back to face Joker, breathing fast and hard through my teeth.
He lifted his hand from my elbow to my face, stroking the back of his gloved hand down my cheek. The tip of his thumb caught a tear rolling out of the corner of my eye and I jerked my head away from his touch.
"You bastard," I spat, though he didn't care. The sirens were so close now that I could barely hear the orders he gave the man at my side. With a snap of his fingers, the guy at my side whirled me away from Joker and my feet were sluggish to keep up.
My head was already hurting, tension pulling tight at the back of my neck and I groaned. The hand gripping me around the arm tugged and I stumbled forward. I wasn't sure whether it was the drug coursing through me or what, but the sirens wailed louder and louder with each passing second as if they were in my head.
I reached up to press the heel of my palm against my forehead and the toes of my boots crunched over gravel and asphalt. I managed to peek out from behind my eyelids to see a small gathering of cars parked at the far, back corner of the lot. One was a van and I just knew that was where they were taking me.
As the back door slid open, the world tipped on its side and my knees gave out. I sank to the ground and just before I could collapse on the busted chunks of concrete, the guy caught me. He, with the help of someone new, lifted me and tossed me into the backseat.
They shoved my legs to the side and slammed the door shut. Groaning, I tried to sit up and failed, my hand slipping off the edge of the seat. I fell onto my face and squeezed my eyes shut as I pressed my cheek into the cracked leather. Each breath was ragged as I blew it out and my hair fell across my face. I tried to reach up and brush it away but I could only manage to swing my arm enough to sweep my fingers along the grimey floor of the van.
"She gonna make it?" A voice said, muffled and far away yet all around me at the same time.
"She'll be fine by morning. Let's get the fuck out of here."
I wanted to scream at them, to fight and break free, but there was nothing I could do. I was fading fast, slipping out of consciousness and succumbing to the effects of whatever they had injected me with. In the hazy moments of the last bit of clarity I had, I heard myself sobbing.
There were no tears, but I couldn't help but cry. Why did he do this to me? Why did I let him? Just when I thought he was real, when I thought he could actually like me, actually care about me, he ruins it all.
And I hated myself for walking right into another trap. I never learned from my mistakes. I just kept circling around and around, coming back and letting him do it to me over and over and over...
.
