Road to Destiny
Chapter 10
It was only a week to go and she started her Police training in Bridgend. She was really looking forward to it now and hoped she wouldn't be an absolute muppet. But one thing about being in Special Forces was the training on strategy and tactical manoeuvres so she hoped that it would be OK. That she would be able to pick it up.
Charles had gone off to Chepstow early this morning and she was in her dressing gown and taken her tea and toast out into their garden and sat at the bistro table. Georgie's letter burning a hole in her pocket. They had been back from Newport a couple of days and he hadn't mentioned anything about reading it. She thought she would like to read it on her own but that didn't mean that she wouldn't show him when he came home. She knew he was worried about the contents that even after all this time Georgie would try and put a wrecking ball through their relationship. They were much stronger now, since they had remarried 3 years ago. His promotion to Major, taking less tours, plus she had matured and was much more confident and independent, she knew they had an equal partnership. He loved her, he showed her all the time and while she wasn't as vocal as him she knew that he knew just how much she adored him.
She took another sip of her tea and a bite of her toast and marmite holding the letter looking at her name printed on the front of the white envelope. She took a deep breath and tore it open.
-OG-
Dear Molly
Where do I start and what I can say except sorry although that will never be enough. I hope with all my heart that you will read this letter that Marie gave to you. Once I realised that she would be coming to the reunion with Fingers, I thought it was an opportunity to finally say sorry for everything that happened between us.
You were right when you told me what a friend should be, there to pick up the pieces when you were hurting. You were for me, when Elvis didn't turn up to our wedding, helped when I struggled over dealing with the kidnapping and Kiki dying. Gave me sound advice when Elvis came back into my life and helped me through the guilt of Jamie. I will forever be grateful for how you helped me when we got home after Elvis was killed.
After the hostage situation in Kenya, Jamie reckoned I had PTSD even then, although I didn't think so and thought I had off loaded to the counsellor but now I am not so sure that was the case. When we were deployed to Nepal I wanted to prove that I was the soldier I had always been and I was so over Elvis and what he had done. In hindsight I probably tried too hard. I never stopped loving him though, always knew he was there and would pick me up if I fell, made me feel safe in the dead of night. I was so lost when he died, couldn't stop thinking about him and the 'if onlys'.
My parents had never got over Elvis standing me up at the alter and apart from you and Charles there was no one I could really talk with, even my sisters were a bit anti Elvis and I felt that I needed to keep quiet. I bottled it all up, let it fester inside me, the regret, the loss and the pain of losing him. The army was all I had left, it kept me busy and occupied so that I didn't have time to think about it and was too tired at night to dream about it.
I noticed in Nigeria that Charles was querying his decisions and he started to let me help him make some of them and never reprimanded me after I had gone off piste and Bones operation to get those girls back failed as a result. I know you were worried about him after Elvis, we talked of it, and I promised to look out for him. But I didn't do anything except take advantage of the situation it allowed me to do my own thing.
I am so so sorry Molly, I didn't notice at first just how much he was struggling with being the Captain and making decisions that could cost the lives of the men under him. How, like me, he was trying to prove he could do it. It was Belize when he was so desperate to be the first team back on the exercise and he was caught in that boar trap that I realised just how affected he was by Elvis' death.
He said that you thought he was hiding behind his uniform, I knew from that you knew he had PTSD and I should have supported you and raised my concerns with his CO. Not just for his sake but for the sake and safety of the unit. I know that I failed in my duties as the section medic. But he said that we were bound together because of Elvis and in that moment I think I acknowledged Elvis was never coming back but that this man who was lying there injured and with a fever would be there for me. At first I tried to deny it, those feelings, he was Elvis' best friend and your husband.
It was a combination of a few things really, watching Bones killed in that bomb blast and then being caught up in one myself at the police station. Still missing Elvis and wishing he was still with us, the ring around my neck the only thing I had left. I just wanted to be held, to be loved again and feel that I was. He only held me to comfort me but I kissed him and it all went on from there. You know what happened so I don't need to say.
I know you must have been devastated when you found out, I would have been. I remember that pain when Elvis didn't turn up to our wedding and should have known how you would feel about it. But like everything else I buried it, thought we were fine and doing our jobs, keeping busy to stop thinking. Kept telling myself I did nothing wrong, it was him that pursued me and anyway you had split up.
As medic's we are trained to look for signs in soldiers that they are not coping and I can't understand how I didn't notice or acknowledge that I was showing those signs and as a result missed them in Charles.
It was your Nan, the way she looked and spoke to me that I finally realised how I had hurt you. That moment I also saw the look on Charles' face when the reality hit him at what he'd lost and instantly it was obvious that you were all that mattered to him. In that moment he realised he needed help. But even then I think I was deluded enough to think you would forgive me that you would get over it and move on. What a joke as the whole reason it happened is because I couldn't get over Elvis and Charles was the nearest thing I had as a reminder.
The crux came when the lads convinced me to go back to Afghan. I thought I had it all under control, all those feelings of loss. I never should have gone. It was the same area where Elvis was killed and all I could see was him, kept thinking I could feel him, and think about what we could have had together. Kept playing over and over an old message he had left me. Then Charles turned up. Everything just came flooding back, what had been said. When you and Elvis' old team came into camp something just snapped inside me. If you remember I was standing next to Charles when you came into the FOB and I watched him as he realised it was you, I don't think I have seen anyone look so sad and I saw a look, he clearly still loved you and was mourning the loss.
I wanted what you had. A husband who clearly loved me, friends who cared what happened to me and believed in you, it made me wonder when I had become so detached. Feeling that I didn't need any of that but clearly wanting it, which is why I did and said some of those dreadful things. I know it's no excuse and for that I am sorry. The Brig, I think realised that I was unravelling out there and sent me for an evaluation, it made it even worse really just brought everything to the surface again. But even then I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge I had PTSD – see I am getting better at last, I can admit I have it.
After I left the army I went back to Stockport. Prof and I were never really going to make it. He was just someone that got me back to Aldershot so I could see Charles again and rekindle what I thought I lost with Elvis. My parents were concerned, I had sunk into a deeper depression with no job to take my mind of things.
I met up with Jamie again, you remember him don't you. I thought he would still hate me for what I did. Run off with Elvis chasing a terrorist and leaving him at the altar. Well I say that, we didn't actually get back together at that stage but in hindsight we should have. Isn't that a wonderful thing.
I have been having counselling for over a year now and realise all the mistakes I have made and the thoughts I had that clouded my judgement. I'm not saying I am better but my life is back on track. Jamie has forgiven me for what I did and we got engaged again, in fact by the time you read this letter we will probably be married. No big do this time Moll, just us in a registry office and pull a couple of people off the street to be witnesses. I'm training to be a nurse at the same hospital as Jamie is a Doctor. He makes me feel safe and complete, looks after me on my black days. I can't imagine my life without him now.
One final thing about Belize when Charles was saying we were bonded, I should have known it was the fever and seen it for what it was rather than clouding my judgement. He may have been saying those things but it was you he always called for. We were never destined to be together we just filled a hole that had been left by Elvis.
I heard via Fingers that you left the army and are joining the Police and I wish you well, you deserve it. I don't suppose our paths will cross as we both left the army but should we meet on the street I hope you can forgive me and not want to lump me one.
I have many regrets that I allowed PTSD to take over my life and take so much from me but the loss of our friendship and what I did, is my biggest regret.
Georgie
-OG-
Molly sighed after having read the letter and finished her tea before walking indoors to put the letter on the counter so that Charles could read it if he wanted to.
A lot of water had passed under the bridge and she agreed it was unlikely that they would meet again but if they did she wouldn't feel that overwhelming urge to hit her or that sadness at the loss of a friendship. It was in the past. It sounded like Georgie had finally admitted she was ill herself and needed the help that Charles had taken. She realised that she was pleased for her, that she was finally starting to rebuild her life after the loss of Elvis. It didn't make her think of all the hurt she felt at the time.
She wandered upstairs to take a shower and wash her hair. She was little more than a teenager when she came into Charles life, he was already a Captain, divorced and with a son and to her he walked on water. Would they have still been together without Georgie throwing that curve ball into their relationship? Would she have joined Special Forces, would he have got the treatment he needed, would they have just drifted apart anyway? She lifted her head closed her eyes and sighed as the water ran down her face. Without the letter she had always known that Charles loved her, but with it, she knew that Georgie will never come back for him, try to get him back or just generally cause trouble between them out of spite and jealousy. It was the past and finished now. Stop those little niggly doubts at the back of her mind.
Some of those thoughts she had been having about being 30 and told him about. Well not this one, never this one, he would be so hurt but she had always wondered if Georgie came back… She couldn't wait to start her training now.
-OG-
Sixteen weeks at Bridgend but she came home every night, not a basic barrack room like when she joined the army. It was hard, she hated the classroom stuff, always had, trying desperately to concentrate looking at presentation after presentation and being questioned on it. They had to learn about the law, procedures, ethics, personal safety and her absolute hate report writing. The first aid and fitness part of the course weren't a problem.
There were 30 in her group, some were ex-army like herself, more where community officers who wanted to become fully fledged police constables, even an HGV driver who was getting pissed off with the time he spent away from his wife and kids crossing the channel on a weekly basis. She loved it.
Charles had supported her every step of the way. Going through the scenarios with her. Letting her practise her arrest technics, which usually ended up pretty erotic as far as he was concerned and they never actually finished one properly without deciding to have an early night. They had even taken up running together, which they hadn't done in years. He was watching her out the corner of his eye while they were watching TV together one evening, the passing out parade approaching if she passed the tests. He grabbed her hand to stop her chewing her nails, she had never outgrown that habit when she was nervous.
"You'll be fine Moll" holding her hand on his lap as he kissed her head "You've worked bloody hard for this and you'll pass"
"What if I don't" she sighed "What will I do"
"Take it again" he lifted her chin so he could look at her face "I'm sure you can retake any bits you fail, you can in the army so this won't be any different. Not that you will fail of course"
She nodded and sighed "Yeah s'pose so, I hope I've done enough"
"Do you want to practise your arrest technics again, I'll let you frisk me?" he grinned waggling his eyebrows.
"Piss off" she giggled "You can be a right perv at times."
"Indeed! and there was me thinking I was being supportive" still grinning and giving her a peck on the lips.
She burst out laughing "I can always handcuff you to the bannisters and leave you there."
He pushed her back onto the sofa leaning over her dotting little kisses over her face as she giggled "I don't suppose being handcuffed to the bedstead with pink fluffy handcuffs is procedure either" kissing her soundly on the lips his hand slipping inside her t shirt "Where did you get them by the way?"
"Dunno" she shrugged "Bella got them for me, didn't think I was allowed to bring the real thing home with me and didn't like to ask."
He lent back a bit to look at her face "What?" his eyes widening incredulous that her younger sister had sent them "Where did she get them from?"
"Probably a certain shop in Oxford Street."
"Really" he nuzzled her neck "Next time we are in London you'll have to show me"
She burst out laughing "Not a chance mate, if you think I am coming home with a French Maids outfit you are very mistaken."
"Not even for me" he whispered close to her mouth his eyes dark and biting his bottom lip smirking "would that be black stockings and suspenders, short dress and a white pinny?"
"You Charles James are a bad man" wrapping her arms around his neck and running her fingers through his hair arching herself into him and forgetting all her worries about whether she would pass or not.
-OG-
They hadn't had any contact from Dave and Belinda since they went to London and told them she was joining the police. He phoned Nan to tell her that Molly had completed her basic and would be having a passing out parade before starting the next phase where she was out on patrol with a mentor.
"Tell her I love her and I'm dead proud but it's too much for me to come all the way over there."
"I'll pick you up."
"No Charlie, the thought of being there with all them blue bottles gives me the willies."
"You're hardly a crime lord Nan, I really think you should come and support her."
"It just don't sit right" Nan sighed "but I think Bella, Jade and Gary want to come, they are all grown up now and don't take notice of that pillock Dave."
"Well tell them to phone me Nan and I can pick them up from the station, they can stay over and make it special for her, have a BBQ afterwards back at the house" continuing "So Belinda isn't coming then?"
"No Charlie, you should know by now that she does what Dave tells her and there is no tellin' her" she sighed wishing that her daughter would stand up to that waste of space husband of hers "You'll be there won't you?"
"Of course, I will."
"That's what she'll want and you'll be who she's looking for when she is doing her stuff."
-OG-
Molly was up at the crack of dawn, showered and dressed in her uniform. The butterflies she felt in her stomach were the same dread and anticipation she felt when she had her passing out parade with the army. This time she knew there were people there for her. Her sisters and brother came down last night and stayed over. Jackie and Dangles also drove down. She plaited her hair and put her hat on and looked in the mirror feeling sick with anticipation.
Charles walked up behind her and could see her huge eyes and the worry on her face as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck
"You will be fine, it's just a parade, you have done lots of them for Remembrance Day" and she nodded leaning against him for moral support looking at him through the mirror, at him looking at her. "Love the uniform" he winked at her before moving away and making her giggle.
-OG-
The thirty recruits in her class all marched out onto the parade ground at the Bridgend training centre. Speeches made by the Chief Constable and his deputy. Photographs taken and then it was suddenly all over and they were dismissed. She looked to the stand where the friends and relatives were and was met with the dark brown smiling eyes of her husband. Standing with him were her sisters and brother along with Jackie and Dangles. Her eyes widened as she saw the grinning faces of Spanner, Peanut, Blue, Brains and their wives. She was going to kill him, when had he arranged all this. She walked slowly in his direction never taking her eyes away from his smiling face and shaking her head.
"Told you it would be fine didn't I?" he grinned at her "When you are ready to leave we have a party to start back at ours?"
"I don't know whether to slap you or kiss you" she giggled.
"Well, I think the latter is the better option" he grinned, moving his head down to whisper close to her ear "and later let's not stop at just kissing".
-OG-
It was one of those sultry summer days and Charles had stoked the BBQ as people started arriving. Mansfield and his girlfriend, Baz and Nudenut, Dyno and his wife along with Jackson and his. Only Fingers and Kinders missing. Charles handed her two envelopes one from each of them saying they were sorry they couldn't be there for her big day, neither being able to get leave.
She had another of her long chats with Brains wife Fiona, who was now working through her resignation from the army for similar reasons to Molly, they just spent too much time apart. Just recently she had spent four months in Yemen and was only home 2 days before he went off for six months back to Afghan.
Dyno was looking good, he had put on some of that weight he had lost from spending so long in hospital having all those operations. He was a long way from being finished with treatment but had re-married his wife and was looking at a job on the emergency line. Molly thought he would be good at that, he had always been so calm whenever she had worked with him.
Jenny, Jackie, Laura and Nicole were all sitting in chairs raising a toast to Molly's new career although the training was far from finished. She still had the 12 weeks on patrol with a mentor and then another 3 years on probation.
"We should have moved down to Catterick by that time" said Jenny "Perhaps when you have finished the 12 weeks we could have one of our girly weekends it's been such a long time?"
"Yeah" clapped Jackie "We could try Ragdale Hall, that's sort of in the middle for all of us."
"Fiona" Molly called across to her "You'd be up for a weekend at Ragdale wouldn't you?"
"Too right" Even Jacksons wife said she wouldn't mind coming, and she never usually came out with them, Dyno's wife saying that she would have to see where they were with his treatment and would let them know nearer the time.
-OG-
It was Molly's first morning at her new station in Chepstow, so she would be working in the same town as Charles, she was rather hoping it might be a bit closer to home in Monmouth as she really liked the look of the police station in Monmouth. But it wasn't too far to travel and with being shift it was unlikely she was going to get stuck in traffic during rush hour.
Charles thought he would work from home that day, he had a number of reports to get through and it would give him the opportunity to be here when she got home and have dinner waiting for her too. It was always hard being the newbie and those first impressions. Over the years she had grown in confidence, she had been an excellent medic and Blue had always held her in high regard but he had commented in the early days when Bones convinced her to change paths to Special Forces, he wondered if she wasn't just the class clown. Much the same as he had when he first met her. It was her way of covering up nerves, to tell a joke but in turn could give the wrong impression.
His reports were taking ages to type up, he was forever getting up and making more coffee that he didn't want, restless for news on how she was doing.
-OG-
He heard the door slam hard, then a thump as something hit the wall. He looked at his watch, where had the day gone. It was 6 o'clock and the noise must be Molly he grinned. Shutting down his laptop and padding down the stairs he found her in the kitchen. She had flicked the kettle on and was staring out the window.
"Good first day?" he said as he walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders"
She snorted a sort of laugh "Seems the tossers have a similar sense of humour that squaddies do."
"What happened?" he smiled down at her and turned her to face him "What did they do?"
"Well according to Sergeant Pike" she said scathingly "there used to be height restrictions when joining the police, you had to be minimum of 5 foot 8" she took a deep breath "but they got rid of that because it was discriminatory."
"That's good isn't it?"
"Yeah Charles, really fuckin good" she sighed again "I think they assigned my mentor based on that, he must be the tallest person I've ever seen."
"What?" he had to suck in his cheeks and bite the insides of his mouth to stop himself from laughing at the perceived outrage.
"Yes Charles, makes you look like a fucking short arse."
He raised his eyebrows still trying not to laugh "How tall is he?"
"6 foot fucking 8!"
He couldn't help himself as he looked into her eyes glittering with rage at how this was done on purpose, well it could have been he supposed if the Sergeant had looked at her file. He threw his head back roaring with laughter.
"It ain't funny Charlie" she said, "you should have seen the way people were looking when we were out on patrol."
"No sweetheart, it's not funny" he replied but still sniggering "What's he like?"
"Terry, well he's an alright bloke actually" she sighed "Older than you, married, couple of teenage daughters."
