Some Unholy War
Somewhere Between Amalfi and Venice, 2019
Elena had assured Klaus that she'd be returning to Palermo when they left the house. She couldn't recall the last time someone had taken her to the airport or train station, tasks that she'd managed alone.
"Are you so ready to part, Elena? My offer has no expiration."
She laughed at his persistence and leaned a hand against his chest. "I'm sure, Nik. I'll just be in Venice for a couple days. I'll let you know when I'm back home."
He nodded as his thumb stroked her wrist. "The days will stretch into weeks."
Though she found it endearing that he offered to take the train with her to Venice, she couldn't imagine how Bonnie would react. Or Damon. She hadn't even considered if Bonnie had mentioned Klaus being on this trip to Damon, who was always so quick to judge her choices. She settled into the seat and nestled her jacket in between her and the window.
As the train took off, so did her mind into a landscape of unfulfilled promises.
Atlanta, Georgia 2011
About a year after her family had fled, Stefan actually found her. He had kept to his word and waited until Klaus had showed up. Elena was horrified when he told her what had happened with Caroline. But, she felt relieved that Stefan had stayed in town long enough to help Caroline with the transition. His immense capacity for kindness is what had drawn her to him in the first place.
Stefan said things were rough between the new vampire and Bonnie. Bonnie hadn't been warm to the vampires from the beginning and between the nightmare of Klaus, the Salvatores tugging at Elena at either side, and one of her best friends turning. It was all too much. Elena tried to understand how she might feel, but any time she looked at Stefan she couldn't help feel captivated by his palpable humanity. How could they be monsters? Not Stefan.
They spent several weeks together in Atlanta. The aquarium was her favorite place to be with him, washed in the subdued blue lights almost made her forget the reality of her life. She entertained the idea that she could be with him like this, forever.
Then, Stefan got a call from Damon. Caroline was having issues with her mom. Finding out what she was, they weren't sure if she would go to the town council or not.
"Go," she said. "I'll be waiting." She could match his compassion with her own.
Odessa, Texas 2013
Its two years before Stefan finds them again, this time in a small oil town in the middle of nowhere. Elena is on the cusp of her twenty-first birthday and she feels entirely different than she did at seventeen. She's stronger and more sure of herself. Still, when she sees Stefan standing at her front door, she remembers what they used to feel like. How he used to make her feel.
She jumps into his arms, covering him in kisses between squeals. He laughs and holds her like a flotation device in the middle of a storm. He holds her like he's trying to remember how she made him feel. Later, he tells her about what's been happening back home. Bonnie left town at one point to find her mother, with Damon's help. Elena is shocked, but Stefan explains how they've developed a friendship. Elena figures it is impossible to not be friends after all the times they've both saved the other from a dangerous situation.
"They're really more like partners, honestly," he says. Elena can hear the jealousy in his voice as much as she feels it in her heart. Caroline is with Tyler now. She's been there for him through each full moon the same way Stefan was there for her when she turned. Elena wishes she could be there to see them together. It must be like town royalty, she muses.
This time, Stefan stays with them for several months. It all feels so normal to her. She likes how easily he's integrated himself into her family, especially because of how much John hates it. She begins wondering about their future together. If she could still be with Stefan forever and mean it.
She's about to bring it up to him, but then Damon calls. It's not Caroline this time. It's Bonnie messing with some form of magic that has Damon worried about her. Stefan apologizes and promises to come back as quickly as he can. He leaves before she can bring up forever and she realizes that his brother will always be his priority. It feels like the recent months have been a break from his real life, something she no longer has a place in. When he leaves, it feels like he takes a piece of her with him.
Bend, Oregon, 2015
She doesn't know this is the last time he'll come for her until a months after he's gone. It feels so awkward, the distance between the two of them. He kisses her and she tries to not think about how he still looks seventeen. And she knows that he will always be older, but for some reason she just feels older now. Every time she brings it up, he finds a new way to distract her. He tells her about Caroline and Tyler having issues. Bonnie moving into the boarding house and insisting nothing is happening, but Stefan hears her sneak to Damon's room at night.
It's during a quiet moment on a hike that he finally lets her bring it up.
"Stefan, I'll always love you."
"Don't, Elena."
"No, I have to do this. I don't know who I'd be if you hadn't come into my life. I'd be dead, but other than that…no, you mean so much to me." She held his face between her hands. It pained her to know that he'd always be like this even as she kept aging.
His lips quiver as he fails miserably to hide his emotion.
"You are the kindest, most amazing person I've ever known. I wish I could have known you back then. I wish things were different, but this is just too hard, Stefan. For both of us. You deserve a love that makes you laugh and I just…don't do that for you anymore. Stefan, I can't do this."
"I know." It's all he says even as he holds on to her for hours. After he leaves, she thinks that it is something they both needed, but only she was willing to say it. Noble Stefan was too honorable to break her heart. But she wasn't. Even as final as it felt, she still thinks that maybe he'll come back for her. The thought is lodged far back in her head.
Months later, she'd meet Elijah and each moment with him faded Stefan back into the recesses of her heart. That thought is buried under the expanse and promise of her future.
Venice, Italy 2019
Bonnie knocks into her as soon as she gets off the train, almost lifting her off the ground. The two best friends laugh as they lean back to look at each other. Damon stands off at a short distance, neither wanting to intrude nor give too much of a berth for potential danger.
"I heard you were messing around with the Big Bad Wolf," he smirks. Elena blushes in response before remembering that they don't actually know everything, yet.
They spend so much of the day just catching up, as if they were normal people living average lives. Elena feels an ache in her chest when she spots the small, careful ways Damon watches out for Bonnie, keeping his arm around her or when he gets up to order her another drink. How Bonnie feels so at ease with the vampire that she instinctively leans in to him. She wishes she had been there to watch their relationship grow, for the beginning moments when Bonnie would have been so giddy and anxious and excited. She wishes that she'd never left so she could have shared in their happiness. She also craves to feel that way about someone, trusting them so entirely.
It's when she is relaxed on the couch of their hotel that Bonnie springs her ideas on Elena. "Okay, so I was doing some research on the charm I used on your ring and I think there is a way I could make it stronger."
"Won't that be just a stop-gap? I mean, as long as there is a living doppelgänger, they will keep trying to find me."
"Well, it's better than nothing, 'Lena. Or! You could come home and let us protect you." Elena laughs, a little exasperated. The whole point of her living like this was protecting them. She couldn't just change her mind and put everyone at risk.
"You know that I can't."
"You know what I can't understand?" Damon swings wide around the couch, settling next to Bonnie with his arm draped over her shoulder. "What is it you are doing with Klaus?"
"I was…charming him? And then I was going to make up a normal reason to move and hope that he didn't follow me?" She realizes how stupid that sounds now. She may have been doing that for the first week, but she knows it's carried on too long.
"Right…" Damon shifts forward a little, "It's just seems weird. You running from the Travelers and I thought Klaus too. Why tempt him? Just leave. Now. Don't go back like you told him and leave with us. Bonnie and I can get you set up somewhere else. It's not like you can't replace anything."
"Aren't you afraid of him?" Bonnie asks.
Elena considers her words, "I'm not not afraid of him. I'm more afraid of them though."
"What's the difference? One person who wants to kill you versus a group of people – you are still a dead doppelgänger." Damon always makes everything sound so simple, easy.
"It's not who is doing the killing that scares me as much a why." Their blank stares prompt her to continue. "Klaus kills me and he gets to be a vampire and a werewolf. He gets to be stronger. Cool. Fine. The Travelers get their way and…everything about magic changes. And I don't know if it would change for the good or bad, but if it starts with death then it can't be great for the balance of nature. For anyone really, but," she shakes her head. Her eyes are shimmering with tears when he looks up at her friend, "What would that mean for you?"
Damon glances over quickly at Bonnie and nods toward Elena. Bonnie's mouth sets tightly against her face, her eyes glaring back.
"What's going on?"
Bonnie sighs, placing a hand over her chest. "I kept doing research on them. What they wanted to do and what it would mean. I was asking questions that got me noticed by this coven out in Portland. They told me if the Travelers accomplish their goal, it completely wipes out the order of magic as we know it."
"That sounds terrible, Bon."
"Oh there's more to the story." Damon had that look on his face like he was entertained by something horrible.
"If that happens Elena, anything that was done by magic won't exist. Vampires would cease to exist."
"What like poof?"
"More like the weight of all the time they lived past their natural life would come crashing in on them at once. Caroline would fine, but.." Bonnie grimaced as she watched her friend absorb the information.
"Stefan and I would be toast. Which is why oh self-sacrificing one, we need a plan that keeps you out of their hands. Preferably both them and the homicidal maniac you've been toying with."
After Damon leaves to take care of his hunger, Bonnie and Elena settle on the bed as if they were teenagers again. They laugh and talk about her relationship with the vampire. Elena wants so badly to tell her friend about the last week or so with Klaus, but how can she explain anything to Bonnie when she can't really explain it to herself. She holds it in like so many other things.
"I would have never thought you and Damon would have worked together, but you two are something else. He really cares about you, Bon."
"I know!" she squeals. "I hated him at first, but I don't know. Something changed. I see what you saw in him. And I feel so safe with him."
"Well there is a blurry thin line between love and hate. Besides, you deserve to feel that way. You keep all of us safe. It's only right for someone to be keeping you safe."
"What about you, Elena. Is there anyone?"
"How could there be?" she offers a dismissing laugh. "So, how's Caroline?"
"I mean, fine. I've seen her happier."
"Is she still hung up on Tyler?"
"No." Bonnie says it a little too fast.
"She's hung up on someone else?" Elena asks.
"Well, it's just," Bonnie has trouble getting the words out. "They aren't saying anything and they won't admit anything when we ask." Elena continues looking at her friend, not sure where this is going. "Damon thinks something has happened with her and Stefan."
Elena nods. She had a feeling, but it wasn't based on anything solid. They'd spent so much time together as friends, but it was only recently that Caroline refused to talk about him on the phone. Elena can't help but wish that could have been her, teenage vampire with her vampire boyfriend. Eternal youth and love. Together. For eternity.
"So, why aren't they saying anything?
"
"Oh come on, Elena! Don't be dense. It's not a good look for you."
"I'm sorry?"
"You and Stefan had this epic, tragic love story. Torn apart by forces outside of your control."
"It wasn't really like that." Elena can hear the defensiveness in her own voice and Bonnie gives her a look that only a best friend can. "No, seriously! Yes, I left. That's true, we were run out of town. But Stefan found me. And then he left and came back. He could have turned me at any point or even just stayed with me instead of going back to Mystic Falls again and again. He made his choice. We both did. And it wasn't each other." Bonnie gives her a look that is too close to pity and Elena is already getting upset. "Is that what everyone thinks? That fate came between us? That he's the reason I'm alone?"
Elena starts laughing as her tears fall. "Bonnie, I let him go and he didn't come back. I was okay with that choice. I want Stefan to be happy. I want Caroline to be happy even more. Why wouldn't I want them to be happy together?"
Bonnie holds her friend, fiercely. "Then, why are you crying Elena?"
"I don't want anyone to be unhappy because of me. All I've ever wanted was for everyone to be safe and happy. That's all I've ever wanted." She starts hiccupping through the tears.
"Elena," Bonnie says as she strokes her friend's hair, "Have you ever thought that maybe we'd all gladly trade a little bit of our safety so that we could be happier with you there?"
She tries to respond, but she's just so exhausted. Of being homesick, of being too scared to stay in one place too long, of running. She's so tired and she knows that underneath that feeling, she desperately wishes Klaus was the one stroking her hair and telling her that everything will be alright. And that thought twists in her gut even more. He's the person she wants to choose, but that seems like laughing in the face of everything that has happened. How can she be a compassionate, self-sacrificing friend for all these years and want so badly to be back in his arms? It is wrong, but it doesn't make her want it any less.
A/N: Hope you liked this sad chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. I've always wondered about the teenage vampire love story. Like at some point, it would feel weird kissing your eternal 17 year old boyfriend. Even though, technically, he is much older. It makes me think of Tuck Everlasting a bit.
