Chapter 15
She stole from him. She set him on fire. What else is Severus going to find out that his wife has done to him during her diabolical childhood?
He's stayed away from any book containing shame. He's caught glimpses of the black and silver book, but ignored it. He wants to build her confidence, let her get comfortable with him in her mind, establish trust. For now.
"When you looked into Potter's and Weasley's minds, what did you see?" he asks at the beginning of their fourth Occlumency lesson.
"A mess," she says with a fond smile. "It was like the Room of Lost Things."
Why is he not surprised she knows about that? "So, when a Legilimens sees your library, instead of the kind of mess you found in Potter's brain, he'll know you're Occluding."
She nods.
"Can you make me believe you aren't?"
"I've been practicing, but I don't know how convincing it'll be."
"Show me," he says, and raises his wand.
The mess isn't anywhere near as bad as the one in Potter's mind—which Severus has also been in, unfortunately—but it's haphazard enough to fool a mediocre Legilimens. Not him, and not the Dark Lord. But someone with merely above average skill, like Bellatrix (who thinks she's a master Legilimens, but isn't) would be taken in. It's actually quite impressive for someone who until recently was entirely self-taught. He won't tell her that, of course. He doesn't know what he was thinking, giving her such ridiculously effusive praise during their first lesson, but he won't let it happen again.
I heard that, Granger gloats. She doesn't actually say it aloud, but pushes the thought forward so he'll sense it. He didn't realize she could do that, since she hasn't done it before. He also didn't realize she could sense his thoughts the way she obviously did. He can shield them, of course, just didn't think he had to. He assumed that maintaining the pretense of not Occluding would absorb her entire concentration. At this point in her training, he had no idea she would be able to multitask.
He wanders in the carefully constructed "mess" in her mind. Emotions whirl at random, with no discernible pattern. He catches a glimpse of a gap-toothed Granger at Muggle primary school, Granger casting Sectumsempra on the practice dummies a few weeks ago, a slightly younger Granger sending a flock of killer canaries at Weasley—he doesn't hide his laughter at that one—Granger with her parents, with Potter, with a multitude of Weasleys at the Burrow, with Viktor Krum—he does hide the unexpected flash of jealousy at the sight of that Bulgarian lout's mouth on hers.
He moves on, watching Granger in second or third year easily Transfiguring things in Minerva's class while her classmates produce monstrosities like teacups with tails. He snorts at the inane drivel Granger had to listen to while rooming with Brown and Patil. He sees Granger send Dolores Umbridge to be dealt with by the centaurs, and feels not the slightest shred of remorse from her, only a grim satisfaction.
Fucking hell. If the Dark Lord had any idea what he was dealing with in Hermione Granger, he'd have made her a target years ago.
When Severus withdraws, Granger doesn't look smug, as he expected her to. She isn't Occluding, but practice with Occlumency has muted her natural tendency to broadcast her emotions. Now, her expression is neutral.
"Acceptable," he says.
She nods, doesn't look disappointed at not being told she's wonderful.
"The memories I saw were arranged randomly," he says. "An average Legilimens might not notice, but in an untrained mind, one finds the appearance of randomness, which is why you assumed that's what you were seeing in those two dunderheads' minds."
"The appearance of randomness?"
"I'll show you. Cast the spell."
"You want me to…?"
"Perform Legilimency on me, yes."
She hesitates.
"I assure you, Granger, you will not see anything I do not wish you to see."
"Right. Of course." She picks up her wand, raises her hand, but hesitates, her fingers a few inches from his face. He nods, and she licks her lips, then lays her hand against his cheek. "Legilimens."
He's teaching first year Potions, bored out of his mind. The memory shifts to a staff meeting, Albus blathering on, Severus bored. Then he's marking essays, bored again, until he gets to Potter's. He reads, eyes narrowing, then burrows in the stack of marked essays, finds Granger's, skims it, looks back at Potter's, and scrawls a red T on it.
Now Severus is watching a Quidditch game, realizing his robes are on fire. Then at the leaving feast, where Albus announces some ungodly number of points for Gryffindor and steals the House cup once again. Then he's in the Shrieking Shack with Granger and the dunderheads, the mutt, and the werewolf.
When Lupin transforms, the memory shifts, and a very young Severus is before the Dark Lord. He's gangly, with acne standing out starkly against his pale face. He's doing his damndest not to piss himself in terror.
That's enough. He pushes the thought toward her, and she withdraws. She appears to be processing what she's seen, and he waits.
"It's the emotions again," she says. "They tie the memories together, but because memories contain more than one emotion, the shifts are rapid enough that it only appears random."
He nods, waits for her to continue.
"You were bored in the first few memories, but then you got angry when you saw Harry'd copied my essay, and then came a few angry memories, until Remus transformed and you were afraid, which led to the Dark Lord."
"Yes."
"And you deliberately chose memories with more than one emotion, so that the shifts would happen, and appear random."
"Yes. Now you try it."
"Can I have a minute to find the appropriate memories?"
"The Dark Lord will not give you a minute."
"I know that. But I'm still learning."
"Take your minute, then." He stands. "Actually, it's nearly noon. We can continue after lunch."
She stands and heads toward the door.
"I'm ordering lunch here," he says. "You may stay, if you wish."
"And let people think I'm chained up in your sex dungeon?" she says, then is out the door before he can gather his wits to respond.
Author's Note
As always, I'm glad I had written so many chapters ahead when I started posting faster. I am having a great deal of trouble with the ending. I am grateful to my wonderful beta reader, turtlewexler, for telling me honestly that Chapter 47 did not work. She was right. I rewrote it, and like it so much better now. I'm still struggling with the last few chapters, but I'm getting there.
Many thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing.
