Chapter 16

Mr. Darcy was in his room awake and thinking over and over about the events that occurred in the parsonage with Elizabeth a few days ago. He wondered how he could have been so wrong in thinking that she was expecting his offer of marriage. She not only did not want to marry him, but she also detested him, and yet he thought she was anxiously waiting for him to declare his love.

"Fool that's what I am, a fool! I deserve all this for letting myself be carried away by my weaknesses…" and after a few moments of reflection he added, "How am I going to continue living without you Elizabeth?" Mr. Darcy said to himself as he paced from one side of his room to the other. One moment he felt enraged that he had proposed to a woman who did not deserve it, and the next he felt very sorry for having lost the love of his life, a woman of integrity who did not want his money but his respect.

Three days had passed in which he had slept little and neglected all his obligations. He knew that he could not continue like this, he could see Georgiana's concerned face, the way his servants although discreet, were looking at him. But he couldn't help it, he didn't have the strength to accept his humiliation or to admit his mistakes. The only thing he was willing to accept at this time was that he was very sad, and that this sadness would be long lasting.

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Aaron had spent the last few days with his parents and Mary. Today, he would finally would go to Hertfordshire to speak to Mr. Bennet and ask him permission to marry his daughter. He felt nervous after hearing what Mary had told him about her relationship with her parents. He had realized that his betrothed had not had loving or particularly caring parents. He had felt sorry to hear stories about how her mother always criticized her for her lack of beauty, and how her father always told her she was silly. Although she told him all this with a smile, he realized that there was sadness behind her words.

He had gotten up very early to leave for Longbourn, and he had dressed in the same careless way he always did. His mother seeing how he looked, sent him to change his clothes and personally supervised his appearance. She had told him that it was important that he made a good first impression on his future family. His father, who had arrived in London two days ago, had offered to accompany him but he declined, explaining that it was something he should do alone. An hour later, he was riding in the best carriage that his family owned, on his way to request permission to Mr. Bennet to marry his daughter.

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"Are you feeling better Lizzie?", Jane asked her Lizzie with a worried face. Yesterday after retiring to their room, Elizabeth had told her sister everything that happened with Mr. Darcy, and how Jonathan reacted when he found out.

"Jane, I'm still a bit surprised with everything that happened, I can't believe that Mr. Darcy proposed to me, and that he has been in love with me all this time. But I'm also worried that Jonathan is going to get in trouble because of me, the truth is that I just want to forget about all this. I suppose Mr. Darcy is a better person than I expected, but he's still conceited and arrogant", Elizabeth explained to Jane.

Elizabeth had not stopped thinking about Mr. Darcy since he had stormed out of the parsonage. She couldn't help but remember the intensity of his gaze when he declared his ardent love for her. She thought how silly she had been to think that those looks were of contempt, and she wondered what it would have been like, if she had decided to get to know him better. From the first moment she saw him, she thought he was the most handsome man she knew, and knowing that he loved her made her feel a kind of unsecurity that she didn't know how to calm.

After talking, Jane and Elizabeth decided to go down for breakfast, the next day Elizabeth and Mary would return home and Jane would stay for a few more weeks in London.

Mary was having breakfast with her aunt and uncle when her sisters joined them. "Mary, you must not be so nervous, everything will go well with Aaron, and he will return tonight happy after he received the permission from your father" Mrs. Gardiner said to her niece.

"I'm not just nervous about that, aunt. I'm also nervous because tomorrow I'm going home, and I don't even want to think about the things my mother will tell me or my father's teasing. I'm used to them not respecting me, but I don't know if I can bear that they don't respect Aaron", Mary said anxiously.

Jane and Elizabeth looked at each other and felt shame and sadness. They knew that what their sister had said was true, and they also knew that it was very possible that their mother made some impertinent comment, and that their father would not take Aaron seriously. They both hugged Mary and told her that Mr. Mortimer loved her, and that he would not mind the impropriety of his parents' behavior, that he would be able to look beyond that. Mrs. Gardiner told her that today was a day to be happy, and that in an hour Mrs. Mortimer would be arriving to pick her up to go shopping and prepare everything for the future wedding.

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Mr Darcy was locked in his office. Today he had preferred to have just a cup of coffee, he did not have the strength to sit down to breakfast and pretend that everything was fine, and for nothing in the world, he wanted to worry his sister more than she already was. He knew that no matter how he tried, he could not hide his face of anguish and pain, but he did not know what to do to overcome all that was happening to him.

Yesterday, once again he had drunk more than he should have, and he had fallen asleep at his desk. His valet had woken him up in the middle of the night,and helped him get to his room. He had managed to sleep a few hours more, but today he had important things to do, he could not continue neglecting the pile of work he had pending.

Unfortunately for him, all the important papers he needed were in his desk drawer, and he had left the key inside, so he could not begin his work until the locksmith would arrive and manage to open it.

"That happens to me for drinking more than necessary. I have to overcome this, and continue with my life. I do not know how I am going to do it, but I know that I will do it", thought Mr. Darcy, still tired and feeling the effects of too much alcohol.

At that very moment, his butler opened the front door of the house and received the card from Jonathan, who asked to speak to Mr. Darcy. Jonathan felt nervous and hoped that the master of the house would receive him, he did not intend to enter by force, but he would do it if necessary.

While he was waiting at the entrance, he did not notice that from the stairs a young lady was looking at him with admiring eyes, and wondering what the man from the bookstore was doing at her home.

Mr. Harris took Jonathan's card and went to the office, knocked on the door and said, "Mr. Darcy, Mr. Gardiner wishes to speak to you".

Mr. Darcy, who was frustrated at not being able to work and with a headache from his bad night, thought it was the locksmith who had arrived, and asked for him to be brought in immediately to his office.

The butler asked Jonathan to accompany him, opened the office door, and told him that Mr. Darcy was waiting for him. Miss Darcy was very intrigued, she went to have breakfast and thought that later, she would ask her brother about the man who had visited him.

When Jonathan entered Mr. Darcy's office, he was struck by how messy everything was, and the smell of alcohol in the air.

Darcy spoke something about his desk that Jonathan did not quite understand, as he kept staring out the window absently.

Jonathan walked over but didn't say anything. When Darcy realized that the man in his office had not started doing his job, he turned around and told him that he didn't have all morning, and he should complete his job as soon as possible.

Jonathan was silent as he did not quite understand what Darcy was saying, but he was also impressed to see the way that he looked. He was ungainly, he looked like he hadn't shaved for a few days and hadn't slept much.

"Are you here to fix my desk drawer?", Darcy asked impatiently.

"No, I'm here to talk to you", Jonathan answered in a challenging voice.

"And who are you that dare to enter my house without an invitation, and ask to speak to me? " Darcy said on the verge of losing patience.

"I am Jonathan Edward Gardiner"

"Who?" Darcy said in a voice full of contempt. "Please leave before …" Darcy couldn't finish because Jonathan interrupted him and started speaking.

"You do not know me personally but you know part of my family, the one you have despised by the way. But that has not been an impediment for you to express your opinion about me and my parents. I know that you and your friends have enjoyed speaking in bad terms about all of us on more than one occasion", Jonathan said with a sneer.

At that moment for the first time Darcy looked at the man in front of him, and thought he knew who he was, and why he was there. But Jonathan did not give him time to react and continued.

"If you're still not sure who I am, let me clarify it for you. I am the cousin of that pretty, vivacious and intelligent woman, whom you humiliated in front of her neighborhood, without even knowing her, saying that she was not handsome enough to dance with you… and of course, you never apologized to her". And he added with a mocking voice, "I suppose that is the behavior of a gentleman, because a simple tradesman like me, would never do such a horrible thing".

At that moment, Mr. Darcy did not know what to say, he never knew that Elizabeth had heard his comment at the assembly, and felt ashamed of his behavior, but he remained silent listening to what Jonathan continued saying.

"I am also the cousin of Jane Bennet, that noble and kind-hearted woman whom you separated from your friend because supposedly, she did not feel anything for him... as if you were the most appropriate person to know what is in the heart of a woman that you barely know. Arrogant! But I think I should even thank you for that. At least, you freed my cousin from that weak man who does not know how to make his own decisions".

Jonathan was furious and he wasn't going to stop until he had told Mr. Darcy everything he thought of him. "It was my cousin Elizabeth who told me how you and your friend's sisters had despised each and every person you met in Hertfordshire. I wonder why you proposed to my cousin, and by doing that you wanted to degrade yourself and join a family with people like my parents. You know, they have worked all their lives honestly to be who they are and from whom I learned everything I am, and you have dared to denigrate them, because according to you they are not "a good connection". Why did you waste your time with Elizabeth, who has such a low family, if you could marry Caroline Bingley. You two are very similar, and would surely get along very well despising and humiliating people whom you consider inferior".

"I think I've heard enough! I ask you to go and leave me alone", said Darcy in a voice cracked with emotion.

"I don't think you've heard enough because I still have some things to tell you. You have despised my parents without even knowing them, you have offended my cousins, all of them for some reason. Jane for being shy, Elizabeth who one day you said you loved, for not meeting your standards of fortune and connections, my younger cousins for not having parents who have taught them better, and instead of pitying them you chose to despise them. But mainly, I think that you have behaved like this because you saw them unprotected, because you knew or believed that they had no one who could confront you in order to defend them... You see, you were wrong! Tell me, what would you do if someone proposed to your sister in the way you did to my cousin? I came here to tell you that my cousins are not alone, and that neither you nor your friend's sisters dare to approach Elizabeth or any of them ever again in your life", Jonathan concluded almost out of breath.

Darcy, by then, had turned and was once again staring out the window with blank expression. He didn't know what to say or think, but the fact that the man who was in his office yelling at him had told him that he was not worthy of Elizabeth and that he was worthy of Caroline, had caused him to feel ashamed, especially because he knew that by how he had behaved, that was true.

"If you already said everything you had come to say, I'm going to beg you to go away and leave me alone once and for all", said Darcy, holding back the desire to run out of his office and forget about everything and everyone.

"I just have one more thing to add. During my time in Kent I had the opportunity to meet and establish a beautiful friendship with your cousin, Miss de Bourgh. One day when I was walking through Rosings Park, I found her crying because her mother had been harassing her all day because you had not proposed to her. Be a man, and do your cousin a favor and talk to your aunt immediately, so Miss de Bourgh can be free of her mother's constant complaints. An unpleasant hour of your life will give the peace that she deserves".

Jonathan finished speaking, looked defiantly at Mr. Darcy, and added, "Goodbye Mr. Darcy, and don't bother, I know where the exit is", and he left the room without looking back.

Jonathan was leaving the house, when Georgiana saw him. She immediately went to his brother's office to see what had happened. Shouts of a loud argument had been heard from outside and she was worried.

"Brother, can I come in", Georgiana said when she saw the door half open. But when she received no answer, she entered and saw her brother sitting with his head in his hands. As she approached, she realized that he was crying.

"Brother what's wrong?" Georgiana asked with a very pained voice while she stroked his head.

"Georgiana, I have been an idiot! I have behaved like a scoundrel and I have lost the most wonderful woman I have ever known... All because my stupid pride", when he finished saying that, he got up and hugged his sister, who was the only one who could comfort him at that moment.