Ben's fine. Really, he is absolutely positively fine.

He just occasionally has dreams of his friends abandoning him. Or maybe that makes them nightmares? He isn't really sure. He doesn't like to think of them too much.

Maybe accidentally mutating his best friend when he was ten doesn't leave the cleanest slate in his brain. Or his conscience. He doesn't know. He tries not to think about it. Ben tries very hard to not imagine what their lives would be like if Kevin hadn't ever mutated. He doesn't always succeed.

Today had been one of those days. He's watching Gwen and Kevin bicker over something mundane; he thinks it's about books but he's not really listening. As he watches them his brain wanders, a skill he's gotten very good at suppressing, but he can't stop it today. He can't help but imagine what Kevin would look like as his normal self, sitting there with Gwen. He tries hard to imagine what Kevin would look like at twenty-one and not eleven. He thinks Kevin would be very handsome and probably more upfront with how he feels towards Gwen.

Ben can see it, he isn't blind. He likes to act like he doesn't notice sometimes and ruin moments between the two of them. He can see it plain as day. He's already made bets with Rook on when they'll figure it out themselves. Maybe that's why his stomach sinks as he tries to imagine Kevin being normal and flirting with Gwen easily.

Rook nudges him with his elbow and brings him back down from his brain.

"You are thinking too hard again. I can almost hear your brain." Rook whispers to him.

Ben's face molds itself into fake joy and responds to Rook easily, "Just imagining how I'll ruin their weird moment Rook."

Rook gives him a side glance that's skeptical at best and accusing at worst. He doesn't push Ben on the topic and focuses back on Gwen and Kevin.

Ben doesn't like to think about what-ifs. Not because he doesn't see a point in fantasizing about what could have been, but the after math in his brain when he does it.

When Ben does think about what-ifs, his brain doubles over in payback. That's when he'll dream about his friends leaving him, one way or another. All of them will. It almost reinforces the inevitable for him. He knows what they have right now, isn't forever. It can't be and he knows that. His biggest fear is when they all eventually separate, it will be his fault.

It's happened before, so why wouldn't it happen again?

Occasionally he gets one that isn't a dream, but a memory. A really twisted version of it, but a memory, nonetheless.

Sometimes Ben dreams about the day of the coronation. It's always a version of the coronation that eats away at his worst fears. He dreams of Kevin grabbing onto him and mutating.

He hears Kevin's bones snapping and breaking to reform into something that he isn't. He hears the echoes of the screams of an eleven-year-old boy. He sees his best friends body contort and disfigures itself in such a grotesque way, Ben wonders if that is truly how it happened. He's had the dream so many times, he doesn't know if he remembers how it really happened anymore.

He tries to stop it, every time he fails. Kevin yells at him in various ways depending on how Ben tries to stop him. Ben never succeeds, and Kevin always blames Ben.

In one of the various times he's dreamed this, Kevin screamed and cried as he mutated and cried out for Ben. Howling for him to stop it, if he really was his friend, he'd stop him from mutating. That one left him in a cold sweat when he woke up.

They all end up the same. Kevin runs away, from his kingdom and from Ben.

So, it doesn't surprise Ben when he wakes up in a cold sweat that night in a foggy haze from another nightmare of Kevin's coronation. He's been having them more lately since Gwen arrived.

Ben knows it's because his everyday life has changed with the new presence of Gwen. Someone who he's also grown very attached too. When Ben sees Kevin and Gwen together, he can't help but think about if things were different.

He knows, in theory, that if Kevin was normal, Gwen probably wouldn't even be here with them. There would be no reason for her to be in the castle.

That doesn't stop Ben's brain from running marathons in his own head. He always lands on feeling guilty and being the sole contributor to Kevin's condition. So, his brain works those fears out in his nightmares.

The only difference in the past few years is the presence of Rook.

So, when Ben wakes up, screaming sometimes, Rook is next to him. Rook wasn't just his partner as a Plumber but in life. Ben doesn't know what he'd do if he didn't have Rook. In fact, he doesn't know how he had ever functioned without him.

Ben's only told Rook about the nightmares because he was forced to. After the first week they started sharing a bed he had a nasty one. Rook shook him awake, confused and concerned. He wouldn't let Ben drop the subject because apparently when Ben has these nightmares, his cries of pain are worse than anything Rook has heard when they've been in battles.

Ben finds it ironic that he can fight intergalactic criminals and war lords all day, but his own abandonment issues are what scares him the most.

Ben now finds comfort in Rook easily when he has these nightmares. Rook shuffles Ben under his arms and swaddles him into his warmth. Rubbing his back and presses soft kisses to his brow. It lulls Ben nicely into a much deeper sleep, one that is dreamless.

When Ben wakes up that night, Rook falls into the routine easily. Knowing how to bring Ben down from his stress induced nightmare.

Rook doesn't push Ben, but he has mentioned that maybe he should talk to Kevin about how he feels.

Ben pushes back against that idea, he knows Kevin doesn't like to talk about it, and frankly Ben doesn't either. He also doesn't want to hear Kevin tell Ben it really was his fault. Ben can navigate that guilt on his own. He has for the past decade and he's fine.

He isn't going to cry to his best friend about his own guilt, that doesn't seem fair. He'll work through it alone. He won't mention that there's a constant fear of Kevin abandoning him. He doesn't need to put that pressure on anyone. It's his problem to deal with. So what if he has more sleepless nights than most? He can manage.

That's how he's always managed. He knows how to navigate his brain. He deflects easily, that's why he's so boisterous. If he fakes it, he can avoid the nagging feeling in the back of his brain for long enough. It works on most days, and he even feels true happiness when he lets his guard down.

Really, he's fine.

He just occasionally has nightmares.

He's fine.

He'll grit his teeth, fake his smiles, and one day it won't hurt to see Kevin. One day he won't be afraid of Kevin, or anyone else leaving him.

Or he'll end up alone and crumble under the weight of everyone who's left him.

Ben pushes himself into Rook, he can't turn off his brain tonight. Rook sits up and brings Ben's body with him.

Ben sits on their bed and curls into himself. His arms wrap tightly around his legs and he presses his head into his knees. He feels his shoulder shake from the sobs that wrack through his body.

Rook doesn't say anything, just rubs Ben's back and sits next to him. He knows that Rook tries his best to help him. Sometimes Ben wonders why Rook even bothers with him. That's another anxiety induced spiral he can't go into tonight. He just tries to accept that Rook loves him unconditionally.

Rook stays up with him until he stops crying and can actually talk through his emotions.

When Ben finally looks up at Rook, he knows his eyes are burning, red rimmed, and the bags under his eyes probably have grown darker.

Rook just smiles at him and hold his face gently. Waiting for Ben to tell him what's wrong.

Ben thanks whatever controls the universe that he has Rook and he relaxes into his partner.

He'll be okay. He's fine.

Ben just has nightmares sometimes.