Chapter 35: Yumiko Miura Arc: Incident II
When Ai Hayasaka burst into the room of the associate student body, she found certain interesting developments had taken place without her taking note of them in the first place. At a first glance it seemed like Kaguya-sama was talking to Miyuki Shirogane in a heated manner which was very unlike her. But upon further consideration, Hayasaka realized, her mistress might as well be talking to a dead body.
"President! President!" Were those actual tears in her eyes, the tears of a maiden in love, Ai Hayasaka thought. "Shirogane! Miyuki! Wake up, please wake up!"
Amazing, such incredible development, she thought. Ai Hayasaka couldn't believe it. Kaguya-sama had gone from not being able to call Miyuki Shirogane as anything other than President, to calling him by his last name and then his first name within a span of seconds.
Who could be responsible for – wait a second!
"Yumiko, what are you doing here?" Ai Hayasaka asked.
Yumiko Miura looked at Ai Hayasaka. After she had punched Miyuki Shirogane, the president of the associate student body in the gut, she had expected either Kaguya Shinomiya or Chika Fujiwara to call the campus security and take her and Hikio out of the premises. She had even seen that ice cold bitch, Shinomiya texting on her damn phone.
Of course, she had been texting Hayasaka. It was stupid not to expect her.
However what totally came out of the left field was Chika Fujiwara's response. Yumiko Miura hadn't seen her approaching from behind. She had also not seen her form a bat out of old newspapers in a matter of seconds. But Yumiko Miura had definitely felt the first whack on her head and every other whack since then.
"Ouch! Ack! Stop!" Yumiko Miura was helpless.
"I raised that boy. I raised him!" Chika Fujiwara was on a rampage. "And now you killed him! I will kill you."
Yumiko Miura tried to cover her head with her arms, but Chika Fujiwara had taken hold of them both and put them in a lock inspired by some complicated martial arts move. Now Miura was suffering through the miserable experience of being whacked in the head continuously, having her arm in a painful lock, and also having breasts which were much larger than hers rub against her forearm with each motion.
However when Yumiko Miura saw Ai Hayasaka, she thought this was her chance to be saved.
"Ai, help me!" Miura begged.
Ai Hayasaka didn't think about it too much. She swooped in and saved the damsel in distress from the clutches of the evil witch, whose mind couldn't be read, whose actions couldn't be predicted, whose unexpected tendencies and irrevocable nature knew no bounds. Chika Fujiwara was a powerful opponent. Yumiko Miura had underestimated her like many others. And she had paid the price.
But the price shouldn't be her life.
"Are you alright?" Ai Hayasaka asked. She had the blonde woman in her arms.
Yumiko Miura sniffed and wiped a stray tear from her olive green eyes. "I thought I was gonna die."
"I wouldn't let that happen." Ai Hayasaka smiled.
The small cherished moment between two women was spoiled by some loud jeers from the onlookers. They certainly knew how to ruin the prevalent mood of friendship and platonic love put on display. After all, these two had tremendous personal experience doing the same thing on multiple occasions.
"Okay, this is getting too weird." Hikigaya commented.
"Boo! We didn't come here to watch some yuri action. We came here to watch a cat fight!" Ishigami shouted.
While Kaguya Shinomiya was attending to Miyuki Shirogane and while Chika Fujiwara was assaulting Yumiko Miura, there had been two others in the room who had looked at each other, shrugged their respective shoulders and taken a seat at a respectable distance from each other on the sofa to watch the entire commotion.
Somewhere down the line, Yu Ishigami had torn open a pack of chips and Hachiman Hikigaya had become so comfortable that he had poured himself a cup of tea without being asked or offered. Before they knew it, the two of them were enjoying the ensuing chaos like an arsonist enjoys watching a building being burnt down in flames.
It also seemed like these two had developed a sort of camaraderie. Loners attracts loners after all, this statement was once more proved to be true. However, they weren't close enough to share a pack of chips. They would never be that close, the both of them had thought, simultaneously.
"What are you doing here, Hikigaya?" Ai Hayasaka asked.
"Wait a minute!" Miura was confused. "You know Hikio?"
Hayasaka snorted. "What the hell kinda name is Hikio?"
Miura blushed. "What's wrong with calling him Hikio. I think it's a cool name."
Ai Hayasaka was trying to divert the conversation. It was working it seems. She didn't want to go into the particular details of how she knew Hikio. Though she made a mental note to tease, Hikio about this in the future on multiple occasions, because, "Hikio is a dorky name."
"No it's not." Hachiman tried to take some offense.
He was shut down immediately. "Yes it is." Hayasaka continued. "It's as dorky as when some people greet each other using the word 'Yo!'"
"I do that sometimes." Hachiman said.
"Me too, I think." Ishigami said too.
"My point exactly." Good, the previous conversation had been successfully diverted from touching any strenuous points. Ai Hayasaka was glad. It looked like Hikigaya was also helping her, because he also understood the danger the two of them were in.
Yumiko couldn't know about their first meeting.
However, it seemed like someone had completely lost it.
"Hayasaka, this violent woman punched Miyuki in the gut! Do something about her."
Okay, perhaps she had spoken a bit too soon about women losing it. First there was Kaguya-sama, calling the president by his first name. And now she hears about Yumiko Miura punching Miyuki Shirogane in the gut. What was the world coming to, clearly this was the sign of the approaching Armageddon.
It also seemed like Kaguya-sama had forgotten about the entire protocol which involved the people in the associate student body and other students on campus not knowing about their work arrangement. Their relationship as master and servant was supposed to be kept on the down-low.
Of course, Hachiman Hikigaya knew about it, but he was not someone who would blab about this kind of sensitive information to the populace of the entire campus. Then there was Chika Fujiwara, but of course, she never said anything about it, because as discussed earlier, the ways of that woman couldn't be understood by normal mortal beings.
But as for the others, unless she played dumb, the secret would be out. As of right now, she needed to act as Ai Hayasaka, fellow batch mate of Kaguya Shinomiya. But if the need arises, she could bump that relationship up to a common friend.
Yes, now this was the plan of action at this present moment.
"What do you want me to do, Shinomiya-san?" Ai Hayasaka said in a fluffy voice.
But really that was an important question, what did she want her to do.
"Really? Are we really doing this right now?" Yumiko Miura crossed her arms and took turns glaring at Kaguya and Ai Hayasaka. "Are we seriously going to pretend that you don't work for Shinomiya, because let me tell you, that, is the worst kept secret in the entire campus."
Ai Hayasaka felt her resolve crumbling, her façade breaking. Out of sheer desperation, she stole a glance from the person sitting on the sofa and drinking tea with a couple of biscuits.
"Don't look at me. I don't even know you, remember?" Right, he was being a total smartass.
Of course it has its own disadvantages. Yumiko Miura threw her glare at him in the next instant. Some of the tea in his cup sloshed and instead of taking a bite out of a biscuit, the rotten dead fish eyed loner bit his own tongue. Ai Hayasaka experience a moment of schadenfreude. It felt nice to derive pleasure from someone else's pain.
"Don't lie Hikio. Ai knows about you, obviously." Yumiko Miura stated.
"What makes you say that?" Hachiman asked.
"Well, she recognized you and said your name correctly after she was done saving me from the clutches of that woman." Miura pointed a finger timidly towards Chika Fujiwara. The later smiled and swatted a fly with her newspaper bat. The entire room watched as it fell to the floor, dead.
Really, she was one crazy woman, Hachiman thought. To Miura, he said. "But that just proves, she knows me. It doesn't have to be the other way around." Hachiman argued. "I don't necessarily have to know her."
Ai Hayasaka saw a glimmer of hope in the distance, the clouds parting to let the sun shine over the horizon. Despite knowing better, she decided to fly close to the sun. "Hikigaya is right. He doesn't know me. But I know him." Now to throw some truth to the mix to make the lie believable, "His name has cropped up a couple of times in the associate student body meeting."
Hayasaka realized her mistake a second late.
"How would you know what happens around in this meeting?" Miura asked with an evil smile.
"Because Shinomiya-san tells her about it, obviously." Chika Fujiwara said. Then, to add salt to injury, she muttered. "You are really dumb aren't you Miura-san?"
Meanwhile, Kaguya Shinomiya was throwing a temper tantrum suitable for an elementary school child. "Hayasaka, do something! That violent, dumb blonde woman killed my president."
"I didn't kill him." Miura said. "He's knocked out. And if he died from just that one punch, then he wasn't much of a man in the first place." She then went and thumped Hachiman in the shoulder in what she assumed was a light hearted manner. "This guy over here, let me tell you. I punched him twice and he took it like a man."
Hachiman Hikigaya shrugged. "I complimented her breasts."
"Dude I did the same thing." Ishigami said.
Hachiman turned to him. "You told Miura she has amazing tits."
Ishigami shook his head. "No, I said, Fujiwara-san-"
He wasn't able to complete his sentence. Chika Fujiwara took ahold of her newspaper bat with renewed gusto and started whacking him in the head in a ferocious manner. To his credit, Yu Ishigami took his deserved punishment like a champ.
However his groans of pain were of no concern to most of the people in the room. After all, there were more pressing matters to attend to even though none of them wanted to address them at this particular time or in any time in the near distant future.
Ai Hayasaka, the ever capable person that she was decided to tough it out. "Okay, what's this about you hitting the president?"
Yumiko Miura cocked her hip to the side, struck a proud and imposing pose and pushed her chin up in the air in smug defiance. "I avenged your hurt feelings, Ai." She pointed at the figure of Miyuki Shirogane who was now slowly coming back to the land of the living. "He rejected you, hurt your feelings. So, I hurt him back the only way I could think of. Granted, I seemed to have hurt my hand in the process, but nothing beats the feeling of punching someone who really deserves it."
"And you think, Miyuki Shirogane deserves it?" Hayasaka asked.
Yumiko Miura looked at her like she was an idiot. "Well, duh! He rejected you."
Okay, now this was getting out of hand. But first of all she needed to get this one thing out of the way. It was really getting on her nerve.
"Yumiko, you keep saying Shirogane rejected me. Where did you hear such an insane thing?" Ai Hayasaka knew how to play the part, act like this was all a big misunderstanding and though it might be hard to believe, Yumiko Miura was in the wrong this time around. Even though she wasn't, but that was not the point. "Do you really believe I would confess to the president? I mean no offense, he's a swell guy." She clicked her tongue and let out a pained sigh for added effect. "But really, he's not my type."
Had it been anyone else, her acting would have fooled them, but not her. She should have known. However she didn't expect her to say the words, she said next.
"… sleep." Miura mumbled.
"What?" Hayasaka didn't quite hear her.
"I heard you talking about it in your sleep." Miura said clearly.
Ai Hayasaka blinked. No, this couldn't be happening. No it could ruin it. She had to be lying. She had to be. Ai Hayasaka decided to laugh it off. She let out a fake, shrill giggle which hurt the ears of all the male occupants in the room. It also brought Miyuki Shirogane to his senses. But he kept silent for fear of his dear life and listened to what was happening with rapt attention.
"Pfft, I don't talk in my sleep." Ai Hayasaka said passive aggressively.
"Um, yes you do." Miura said rather aggressively. "And who would know about this better than me."
Chika Fujiwara had stopped beating Yu Ishigami. The poor man couldn't catch a break. But then again, he could have kept his mouth shut like the other two thinking male individuals in the room. Perhaps he was knocked one too many times in the head. He didn't know better.
"Wait, you two are sleeping together?" Ishigami came to this fine conclusion.
Yumiko Miura blushed. Even Ai Hayasaka blushed.
"You two are in a sexual relationship?" Kaguya Shinomiya asked, horrified.
However, Hachiman Hikigaya had an epiphany.
"You two are roommates."
A/N: Wow, this one turned out to be a big one (2300+ words). The next chapter will be the final one to feature the cast of Kaguya-sama: Love is War. However if you want to jump ahead to some other characters, here are the options:
Option 1: Miura x Hachiman x Hayasaka (Continued.)
Option 2: Miura x Hachiman x Shouko Nishimiya.
Option 3: Miura x Hachiman x Yukino.
Option 4: Miura x Hachiman x Kurumu Kurono (Rosario + Vampire)
Option 5: Miura x Hachiman x Mordred Pendragon.
Please pick any of the above options or suggest a character in the review.
Hope everyone enjoyed reading this chapter.
Leave lots and lots of reviews, follow and fave.
Won't betray your dreams.
